I gave you my heart!
But the very next day?
You gave it away!
This year?
To save me from tears?
I'll give it to someone?
Special ..."
-- "Last Christmas" by Wham!
--------------------
It's here! It's bleeping here!
My favorite week of the NFL season has arrived, culminating at approximately 12:02pm CT on Sunday, when the Chiefs and those people face off on the sacred, hallowed grounds of Arrowhead Stadium.
And the beauty of this year's contest is that not only have the Chiefs already clinched a spot in (garth brooks voice) the dance * ... they can officially eliminate those people from postseason consideration!
Embrace the hate!
In the meantime, here are your AFC Standings through Week Fourteen, and a look ahead at which games matter most to Chiefs fans, and who we should be rooting for in those games ...
(*: that one's for you, Sir Thomas. Merry Chrismukkah!)
Week Fifteen Chiefs Rooting Interests.
* Biggest Game: Jets at Ravens (Thursday, 7:20pm CT, FOX / NFLN). Hear me out on this.
I think the odds the Patriots lose once down the stretch are slim and none, and slim is a bigger underdog than KU Football on its' worst day. (Namely: huge.) The Pats close at Bengals ** / vs Bills (Sat) / vs Dolphins. I highly doubt the Patriots lose any of those games.
Conversely, the Ravens close against a feisty Jets squad still playing hard for proven retard adam gase, then have to travel to Cleveland (who already destroyed the Ravens in Baltimore), before closing against a Steelers team that is highly likely to be in a "win and you're in" position for that game.
It is far, far, far more conceivable that the Ravens lose two, than the Patriots lose one.
There's also this: the Jets may be officially eliminated from this thing, but they're going to play a huge role in not only who gets in (they host the Steelers next week in the LeVeon Bell Bowl ... which frankly, is better than half the bowls announced yesterday, but whatever), but what seed they'll get, if they get in.
Root For: say it with me kids. (Fireman Ed voice) J! E! T! S! Jets! Jets! Jets! For four hours Thursday night, do what I have to damned near every week: convince yourself Sam Darnold isn't Browning Nagle Junior. Convince yourself adam gase shouldn't be mandated by court order to wear a drool guard and helmet at all times due to his abject f*cking stupidity. Convince yourself Le'Veon Bell was worth every penny of the $50 some odd million dollars the Jets doltish ownership whizzed away on him eight months ago. Convince yourself missing Jamal Adams is not a problem. Just ...
Oh, who am I kidding.
Just do what I do watching every Jets game: drink yourself into a blind stupor, and ignore reality.
(**: of all people, it was Tom Brady who Tweeted out "We're on to Cincinnati" this morning. That is hilarious.)
* Second Biggest Game: Texans at Titans (Sunday, noon CT, CBS). First, a Stevo's Site Numero Dos' sincere thank you to those people, for doing the impossible: making Deshaun Watson look like an occupant of a clown car, inside of NRG Reliant. Their 38-24 upset of the Texans (in a game that wasn't even that close; it was 38-10 before a couple garbage time touchdowns by Houston) moved the Chiefs into the three seed, and according to the stat dudes and dudettes at the New York Times, has given the Chiefs a 62% chance of a bye if they win out.
Conversely, the Texans loss, coupled with the Titans blowout victory at the Real Black Hole (one more week until it rests in hell for eternity), ensures the AFC South is going to go to the wire.
Because Houston and Tennessee play twice, in the last three weeks, beginning Sunday in Nashville.
This is gonna be one hell of a fight to the finish. Because I firmly believe either team is capable of losing 42-13 in a wild card game ... and perfectly capable of going into Baltimore, New England, or Kansas City, and pulling the upset. (Remember -- both the Texans and Titans have already beaten the Chiefs this season, the Texans doing it at Arrowhead. And both faced Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", so there's no asterick attached to either victory.)
Root For: Titans. I think. I know the Texans are the better team, even if half the time they don't play like it. (See last week against those people.) I'm firmly convinced the Chiefs would win a rematch with Tennessee, and probably win it handily, especially if it is at Arrowhead. I'm not as convinced the Chiefs would beat Houston. Also, the Titans host the Saints next week, while the Texans visit the Bucs. I'd love to see both teams at 9-6 entering the finale, because that would almost assuredly mean one of them isn't making the playoffs. Because ...
* Third Biggest Game: Bills at Steelers (Sunday, 7:20pm CT, NBC). Sssshhhhh. Very quietly, peoples and peepettes, the Steelers are in a rock star position right now. If the Ravens lose on Thursday night, and the Steelers hold serve at home against Buffalo? There's a damned good probability Steelers at Ravens is not only a "win and you're in" game ... but that it will decide who is in as the Norris champ, and who is in as the Wild Card. (The Ravens have already clinched a wild card berth at worst; their magic number for the division is one.)
Conversely, the Bills are in a rot-gut position. They do control their own destiny for the postseason, but getting there won't be easy -- they close at Steelers / at Patriots / vs Jets. To quote Stevo's Site Numero Dos' Official Color Commentator (Emeritus), the legendary Dan Dierdorf: it would "behoove" the Buffalo Bills, to win this game.
Also, there's a very strong probability the loser of this game, will open the postseason at Arrowhead. Call me crazy ... but I'd rather face the best Buffalo has to offer, than anything the Steelers bring to the table.
* Root For: Steelers. Chaos, folks, chaos. That's what you root for. I want a six way clusterf*ck at 9-7 for the two wild cards. (Still very possible, and here's how: the Bills lose out, this week's Sunday Nighter is the last game the Steelers win, the Browns and raiders and Colts win out, and the loser of the AFC South loses two of three down the stretch.)
Admit it -- that'd make for one fun, final Sunday.
Other Rooting Interests:
* Patriots at Bengals: Bengals. It ain't gonna happen ... but root like hell for it anyway.
* Jaguars at raiders: Jaguars. A raiders loss all but officially eliminates the raiders from postseason consideration. That's something worth popping open a bottle of M&R to celebrate.
* Colts at Saints: Saints. A Colts loss all but officially eliminates the Colts from postseason consideration. That's at least worth popping open a bottle of Cook's to celebrate.
* Browns at "Super" Cardinals: "Super" Cardinals. A Browns loss all but officially eliminates the Browns from postseason consideration. That's not worth even popping a bottle of Andre's open to celebrate.
* Vikings at "Super" Chargers: "Super" Chargers. The one divisional rival all but assured to be drafting a quarterback in round one next April. I want them to get as middle-of-the-pack mediocre a draft pick as possible, if only to force them to expend draft capital to move up for whatever quarterback they target.
* Dolphins at Giants: Dolphins. See previous paragraph, except replace "divisional rival" with "conference foe".
Until later this week -- hey! (sgt. esterhaus voice) Let's be careful out there ...
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