"Someday at Christmas?
Men won't be boys.
Playing with bombs,
Like kids play with toys.
One warm December?
Our hearts will see?
A world
Where men are free!
Someday at Christmas?
There'll be no wars!
When we have learned
What Christmas is for?
When we have found
What life's really worth?
There'll be
Peace on earth!
Someday all our dreams
Will come to be!
Someday in a world
Where men are free!
Maybe not in time
For you and me.
But someday?
At Christmas Time! ..."
-- "Someday at Christmas" by Stevie Wonder. My favorite non-religious Chrismukkah song. ("the artist formerly known as the champ" voice) Deal with it!
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The Statisticals.
(Note: no Week Ten picks were submitted due to real-life issues that trumped posting them.)
Last Week SU: 8-8-0.
Season to Date SU: 114-80-1.
Last Week ATS: 7-7-2.
Season to Date ATS: 105-87-3.
Last Week Upset / Week: at least "Sur" William fought before, uuh, "sur"rendering.
Season to Date Upset / Week SU: 7-8-0.
Season to Date Upset / Week ATS: 9-6-0.
This Week Upset / Week: Bears (+4 1/2) over Packers.
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The Non-Chiefs Picks.
* My Thursday Night pick was at Ravens 23, Jets (+16 1/2) 20 (OT). Whoops.
* Bucs (-3 1/2) 41, at Lions 13. Wayne "Rasputin" Fontes was fired for fewer crimes against football humanity than Matt Patricia has committed. Hell, Jim "Corpse" Caldwell was fired for fewer crimes against football humanity, than Matt Patricia has (allegedly) committed against, uuh, actual humanity!
And please, spare me the "well, you can't fire Matt Patricia because he's "changing the culture" in Detroit" bullsh*t lie. Yes, he's changing the culture in Detroit -- they've gone from annual wild card contender / playoff team, to the joke of the division, almost overnight.
That, and anytime you hear someone say "we're committed to this guy because he's changing our culture", remember -- that same bullsh*t lie was said regarding Scott Pioli and Coach Asshat, ten years ago. I think "Fat" Andy has proved -- twice! -- that you can change the culture of a franchise literally overnight, without having to sink to 3-10-1, L7, to do it.
* Eagles 26, at Redskins (+4 1/2) 23. (dierks bentley voice) Am I the only one rooting for 13-3 San Francisco at 6-9-1 Dallas to open the playoffs? I'm not? (robert wagner voice) Wonderful.
* Bears (+4 1/2) 27, at Packers 17. The rumor has surfaced that if the Bears lose, then Chiefs at Bears gets flexed out of next Sunday night, and back to a more (temperature) tolerable noon kickoff. Considering I really want to go to this game ... that means the Bears will win, and win handily. (Pause). Then again, there's worse places to watch the Chiefs in prime time than at McFadden's on their dime.
* Patriots 24, at Bengals (+9) 23. I actually think Cincinnati is going to win outright. I just lack the manhood and maturity to pull the trigger on the pick.
* at Titans (-3) 38, Texans 31. The loser still controls its' own destiny in the AFC South, but is likely done for the wild card. The winner still controls its' own destiny in the AFC South, but is in decent wild card shape. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love playoff chaos that doesn't involve my team.
* Seahawks (-6) 31, at Panthers 20. I got nothing.
* Dolphins (+3 1/2) 27, at Giants 13. I don't care how bad the opposition is, the New York Football Giants should not be favored over anyone. Up to and including Kansas or Rutgers. Also, if this isn't the "Good Times Game O' The Season", I cringe to see what could possibly be worse! (stevo looking at Week Sixteen Schedule.) (peter griffin voice) OH CRAP!
* at raiders (-6 1/2) 31, Jaguars 13. The final NFL game at the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum. The Real Black Hole. I despise the raiders (albeit not nearly as much as I hate those people), but this just seems wrong. The las vegas raiders just doesn't sound right. At all.
* Browns (-2 1/2) 24, at "Super" Cardinals 21. Few coaches are better at losing to inferior or even-matched opponents at home, than Kliff Kingsbury. He's like the master of it. (cue every texas tech fan nodding their heads in agreement.) Also, since I rarely get to crack on Tech anymore -- one of my favorite t-shirts I've ever owned, from when I was in college (george harrison voice) all those years ago. "Texas! A&M! United by Hate ... And the Fact that Tech Isn't a Real School!"
* Vikings (-2 1/2) 31, at "Super" Chargers 3. How awesome was it to see that ref last week tell phyllis rivers to "get the f*ck outta here!" I've been saying those same five words every time we've faced that deuschebag for the last fourteen years!
* at 49ers (-11) 38, "Shane" Falcons 17. Maybe the "Shane" Falcons should give, uuh, Shane Falco a call. Even a fifty something year old Keanu Reeves character cleaning barnacles off the bottom of his "house", can't be worse than Matt Ryan at this point.
* at Cowboys (+1 1/2) 16, Rams 14. Remember, come January 4th or 5th, that twice in the modern playoff era (1990 onward), twice a team has made the playoffs with a losing record. (Your 2010 Seahawks, your 2014 Panthers).
Both teams with said losing record? Won their opener.
* Bills (+2) 20, at Steelers 17. The wrong team is favored.
* at Saints (-9) 45, Colts 10. To be fair, this looked like one intriguing inter-conference matchup five weeks ago. Now? Not so much.
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The "Klassy" Kevin Kietzman Tweet O' The Week.
I'll let Kaptain Khaki off this week. (Pause). What? (Pause). No! I said "let him off", not "get him off"! What the hell do I look like, a kollege kid interning at "K"KK's former kompany?
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The Watching Party Plans.
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.
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The Tailgating Plans.
The Bus leaves at 5am. Jersey Bob and Cousin Chase are coming in for this one, which should make for an entertaining day (and evening, and following morning) of fun and festivities.
The menu (as always for those people) is bronco burgers, plus hot fries. I believe some smoked baked beans, assorted potato dishes, and other assorted side items will be available.
Also, after last week, I think we've worked out the kinks on how to maximize our spot with the Mahomies folks. Should be much better than last week. (Although to be fair, we've only had to haul tents out twice in the three years we've been there with Mahomies, so we were kind of pulling it out of our asses last week.)
As always, anyone and everyone who desires to swing by and join is, is welcome to do so. Same spot as always -- the grassy knoll north of the G30 sign.
However, be warned -- this is "The Day I Live For". There is nothing in life I hate more than the "talent" on those people's roster, other than their fans.
(I have Monday off. I've spent time in worse prisons in our fine metropolitan area than Chiefs Jail. (Trust me: Jackson County is even worse than The Star is making it out to be. It's much worse, in all honesty.))
If you intend to root for those people, you might be best advised to keep your distance from me. I won't be pleasant to deal with, if you're in satan's squad colors. Especially if you're wearing the antichrist's number seven.
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Stevo Neighborhood Update.
The water main fixes have officially graduated from "very delayed", passed "beyond annoying", and have reached "f*cking ridiculous" status. (They did not collect $200 for passing "Go", on that journey, however.)
It's bad enough 75th Street is reduced to one direction from Ward Parkway to Summit. It's even worse that Ward Parkway is down to one lane during the day (and two at night) from 77th to pushing Gregory. It's about to become a nightmare, as the pipes are laid out at 79th and Ward Parkway ... to build off the fact that the 81st Street throughway is now closed too!
So to get home this week, I've had to take side streets to avoid Southwest Trafficway (since southbound is closed at 45th Street for some reason), then deal with a ridiculous merge-in at 79th Street, and go four blocks out of my way, to cut across 84th Street to get home. Which would be fine, except everyone else who lives in in my neighborhood, has to do the same thing. Throw in the Price Chopper and HyVee remodels that are underway, and navigating my neighborhood is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I know, I know -- third world problems. But I swear, two more weeks of this crap, and we're gonna find out just how good of an off-road vehicle New Tito is. Seriously, KCMO Works Department -- how f*cking hard is it to replace a water main? We're in month four of a six week project! Good grief.
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Stevo Drink O' The Week.
There's only one appropriate choice for this week's libation, given the opposition.
Fireball and Rumchata.
Or, as it's more formally known as: Demon Semen.
Feel free to swing by and enjoy a shot or two of that fine cocktail, on Sunday.
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The Flashback.
Or, as it's better known in my group, our first "Tailgaters Of The Game" victory.
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"Disreputable" Mexican Food Truck Update.
So, beginning Monday, the parking garage at "current employer" officially closes, and all of us have to park across the street at Penn Valley.
Personally, I could care less. I managed to get a blue reserved pass, so I get to park underground, and that's all I cared about.
But since "current employer"'s parking garage, uuh, parking, was based on seniority, you'd have thought closing a collapsing building deemed unsafe by KCMO inspectors months ago, was something akin to World War III.
God forbid you have to walk an extra 500 feet a day, older people. It might actually wind up being good for you!
Also, I fear my beloved "disreputable" food truck ain't never coming back ...
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The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
Predicting the Chiefs This Season:
* Straight Up: 8-5-0 (L at Jaguars, W at raiders, W vs Ravens, W at Lions, L vs Colts, L vs Texans, W at those people, L vs Packers, W vs Vikings, L at Titans, W at "Super" Chargers, W vs raiders, W at Patriots.)
* Against the Spread: 7-6-0 (L at Jaguars, W at raiders, W vs Ravens, L at Lions, L vs Colts, L vs Texans, W at those people, L vs Packers, W vs Vikings, L at Titans, W at "Super" Chargers, W vs raiders, W at Patriots.)
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The last time I missed a home game against "those people", I was a senior in college. I can still remember the exact date: Monday, November 16, 1998.
The date sticks with me, because exactly one year earlier, on Sunday, November 16, 1997, the Chiefs defeated those people 24-22 on "Pete for President"'s 54 yard field goal as time expired. The kick moved the 7-3 Chiefs to 8-3, within a game of the 9-2 those people, and gave every Chiefs fan hope that we could still steal the division and home field advantage away in the final month of the season.
(Note: both things happened. And then -- because God hates me -- this happened next, on my 21st birthday.)
Now, exactly one year later, the Chiefs entered that Monday Night matchup at 4-5, L4 ... and those people entered at 9-0. A year earlier, NBC sideline reporter Jim Gray asked Pete Stoyanovich if his kick saved the Chiefs season. Now, a year later, the Chiefs season needed something to be saved.
Alas, it was not to be that night. The those people backup QB bubby brister bootlegged a forty yard touchdown on the opening drive, and by the time the debacle was over, Wayne Simmons had been cut, Derrick Thomas had been suspended, Marty had contemplated quitting in the postgame presser, and the Chiefs had lost 7-30 in a game that should have been 7-70, and is now known in the annals of Chiefs history as "The Monday Night Meltdown".
I remember that night so clearly, because this (at the time) hot as hell 21 year old was so confident the Chiefs would somehow, some way, right the ship, that I took "Tony Gonzalez" and Mike to the Hooters on Collins in Arlington, to watch the game.
That Hooters on Collins, in Arlington, to this day?
Is the those people official watching party joint.
Let's just say, it didn't go well for the only three Chiefs fans in the house ... two of whom, I had to bribe, to join me.
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Last year, I feared my streak of making every those people game since I moved back to Kansas City, would come to an end.
My cousin scheduled his wedding for the last weekend in October, in lovely San Antonio. (Technically New Braunsfeld, but whatever.) The wedding was scheduled long before the NFL released the 2018 schedule. Surely, I thought, surely -- the odds of the only game I refuse to miss, being scheduled for that weekend, had to be so slim and none, you'd have thought we were discussing KU Football's odds of making a bowl game.
The lesson? As always, I'm a moron.
I stayed up all night that Saturday night, before catching an Uber at 3:30am from the hotel I was staying at, to make the airport for a 5am flight. The schedule called for a 5am flight to Houston, then a flight to KCI that should have landed a little after 8am.
I landed a little after 10am.
I lucked into one of the greatest Uber drivers ever, who somehow not only was dropping off a passenger at Terminal C as I was seeking a ride ... but managed to get me to Gate Six by 10:40. (Note: to go from landing at 10am, to Gate Six at Arrowhead, in under forty minutes, is really damned impressive. It should have taken 90 minutes, minimum.)
I handed him a $20 as a tip, wished him luck getting out of the traffic jam, and managed to make my seat a little bit before kickoff.
The Chiefs won by seven, in a game they did their best to lose. (We only led 30-23 at the two minute warning, which wound up being the final.)
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And so, here we are, come tomorrow, my twenty first consecutive appearance for "The Day I Live For".
There have been some highs -- 2008 * (Part One, Part Two, Part Three). 2006 (The Flashback above). 2016 (Dontari Poe!) 2005 (The Stand!) 2010 (mcdaniels fired after the game!)
And there have been some lows -- 2002 ** . 2009 (the single worst play call in franchise history). 2015 (so awful no game recap itself was needed, to note the awfulness).
And yet, I think it's safe to say, Sunday might see something, we rarely if ever see at Arrowhead.
A confused fanbase.
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(*: it never fails to amaze, amuse, and disgust me, how the introduction of the only fan of "those people" I've ever felt affection for, into my life not even 72 hours after that game, has impacted my life -- both good, bad, and indifferent -- every day since her introduction the Wednesday after that game. It's crazy sometimes, how something can be injected into your life, when you least see it coming -- again, good (at first), bad (for a solid few years), and indifferent (the last few years).)
(**: this was the defeat when I was so p*ssed, that when I got home, I grabbed a handle of vodka out of the freezer, locked myself in my bedroom, and called in sick the next three days. Hey, you blow a two touchdown lead to your most hated team with 2:23 to play, then lose in overtime on a blocked punt, and tell me how you'd react?)
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So drew lock will make his Arrowhead debut as a pro on Sunday.
The local kid -- Lee's Summit, Mizzou -- starting opposite the team his family has supported his entire life.
I feel for the kid -- truly, I do. He clearly has a bigger pair than me -- there's no way in hell I'd ever report to those people. I'd rather jump off the Bond Bridge and take my chances with the (not yet) frozen river below, than wear those people's jersey, let alone accept a paycheck from them.
But Sunday, there are going to be people cheering for mr. lock inside that stadium. And I get it. (lionel richie voice *** ) Truly, I do.
Only ... there's only one thing I'm cheering for, come Sunday.
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(***: it's not my favorite by "the greatest bard since Billy Shakespeare" ... but it's by far and away, the best song he ever wrote. Sweet Jesus, it's an epic masterpiece. What I wouldn't give to meet a chica who makes me feel the words of "Truly".)
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And that is to Ryan Leaf his career:
* at Chiefs (-10) 23, those people 7.
Hope to see y'all out there ... in the cold ... in the snow ... in weather that yet again makes me ask, why the hell I ever moved back here to KC, when I could be watching this game in fifty plus degree Arlington, Texas, the way I was twenty one years ago, when this streak of appearances began ...
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