Monday, April 22, 2013

goodbye to the greatest ...

"I found a box of memories.
Read a letter,
Dropped a tear where you signed your name.
And turning the page,
Smearing the ink into love always.

Girl, I always start this way.
And then I end up in a bottle
Screaming out your name.
Punching the walls, 
Carrying on like I've gone insane.

And in the mirror?  I can see
The man who just shook his head
With no remorse,
Watching an angel cry her tears,
Stepping over my beers as you walked out the door.

And there ain't nothing like a memory,
When it's coming on strong like a hurricane.
How can love like that just up and walk away?
Killing me baby.

Got me pouring up another drink,
Bourbon's hitting me hard like a freight train.
With my back against the wall or on my knees?
The worst of your memory
Gets the best of me ..."

-- "The Best of Me" by Brantley Gilbert.


------------------------------------------------------

The sports world lost a giant last week, with the sad passing of legendary broadcaster Pat Summerall.

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Pat Summerall was the voice of my generation ... and my parent's generation as well.  Every major NFC game for thirty years?  Summerall had the call.  A lot of the most memorable Super Bowls?  Summerall had the call.  Every meaningful Masters for twenty years, including the greatest one ever staged (1986)?  Summerall.  Hell, the dude even had US Open calls during the glory years* in the late 1980s / early 1990s for men's tennis.  It is safe to say that every meaningful event not staged by Major League Baseball, had Pat Summerall's voice as a part of it.

(*: as the only person I know who loves men's tennis that isn't referred to as "mom", I don't care if you make fun of me or not.  Watch one major match at Arthur Ashe come early September, and you tell me that sport isn't awesome.)

Since I watch far too much sports ... and out of respect for the greatness that was Pat Summerall ... and since with his series of strokes, Dr. Z doesn't do his annual NFL commentator rankings anymore ... here are my 27 favorite announcing teams, both dearly departed and still with us, as well as my five most despised commentating teams.  (One of these teams that I thoroughly despise, will probably surprise you.)

Just as a note up front: if you don't have the NBA League Pass, or have never had it, you won't recognize a solid 5-6 teams on this listing.  In one special case, you truly missed out on greatness.  (That would be numero five on the "Awesome Twenty Seven" portion of this post.)

* The Sh*ttacular Five.

The Honorable Mention: Don Criqui and (pick one) Steve Tasker or Steve Buere"lein King", NFL on NBC / NFL on CBSMy critique of Criqui and Tasker can be read here.  (Warning: if language offends you, don't click on the link.  I hold nothing back.)  My running diary of a Criqui / Buere"lein King" broadcast can be read by clicking here.  (Not nearly as offensive to the language-sensitive.)

And just in case those two links don't give you proof as to how clueless, aloof, and incompetent Don Criqui is as a broadcaster, neither of those two broadcasts, were his worst "mail it in" effort I've ever watched.  Criqui and Bob Wischusen had a Louisville / Syracuse game at the Dome back in the 2008-2009 season.  Criqui welcomed us to the broadcast "coming to you from Louisville, Kentucky", and then referred to the "Louisville Wildcats and the Syracuse Orangemen!"  Don?  The 'Cuse dropped the "men" part out of their nickname fifteen f*cking years ago, the Carrier Dome is in Syracuse, New York, not Louisville, Kentucky, and I'm pretty sure the Cardinals nickname, is not the Wildcats.  And that was inside the first thirty seconds of the broadcast.  Poor Bob Wischusen (who is the New York Jets play-by-play guy and a damned good basketball announcer too).  He didn't deserve that garbage from his partner.  And frankly, neither did I, and any other fan of college basketball.

5. Tom Hammond and Pat Haden, Notre Dame football.  Good God, was this pairing eight layers of awful.  And it was all because of Haden, who may be the worst color analyst in television history not named "Bob Trumpy" or "Joey Sunshine".  (Don't worry -- we're getting to Ol' Bob and Ol' Joe here momentarily.)  Haden couldn't get the down and distance right, could never figure out how to pronounce Bob Davie's last name, routinely had no clue what the score was.  And he was worse on the old Sunday Night Football package that TNT used to air.  Nothing said "second rate sh*tty throwaway prime time game" like having Pat Haden attached to it.  Let's just all thanks the sports broadcasting gods, that Pat Haden is now employed as USC's athletic director, and no longer struggling to pronounce "Jerome Bettis" or "Lake Dawson".

4. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms, NFL on CBS.  Surprised?  I DESPISE Jim Nantz calling anything other than golf.  And nowhere is his cheezy, fake friendly persona more irritating than when paired with the wooden personality of Phil Simms, a man who seems to think he's God's gift to broadcasting.  You're not Phil.  No, really -- you're not.  You're boring, you're dull, you act like a freaking arrogant ass on the air, and it's annoying as hell.  If there's anything us Chiefs fans should be thankful for over being god awful the last couple years, it's that Nantz and Simms haven't called a game involving the Chiefs since the playoff defeat to the Ravens three years ago.

3. Fred White calling anything, especially Big 8 / Big XII hoops.  Look it, as a Royals fan, I should be "brand loyal", but for God's sake, he referred to Drew Gooden as "Dwight" or "Doc" all three years he played at Kansas.  Nothing said "Big 8 / Big XII game that no credible network wants to air" like seeing Frank White attached to the broadcast.  Excuse me -- Fred.  Fred Black.  No, wait -- Frank Blue. 

2. Dick Enberg and Bob Trumpy, NFL on NBC.  If you never had to suffer through Bob Trumpy "broadcasting" a game, or don't remember any of his less-than-memorable calls, you are a very lucky reader.  Jesus, Trumpy was so awful, I once threw a glass at the TV, as my mom was sitting there next to me, and even my mom -- not exactly the biggest football fan you'll find -- even my mom responded with "wait, isn't Joe Montana out hurt today?  Isn't that Sonny Bono starting today for us?"  Yes, mom -- Sonny Bono started for us.  For God's sake, if you're so damned stupid you can't tell Joe Montana apart from Steve Bono, you have no business being in a broadcast booth.  Which probably explains why NBC fired Trumpy after the 1994 season, and replaced him with Phil Simms and Paul Maguire.  (Pause).  Well, one out of two ain't bad.

1. Mike Patrick, Paul Maguire, and Joey "Sunshine" Theismann, Sunday Night Football on ESPN.  If you never suffered through this threesome, count your blessings.  Put it this way: when The Sports Guy manages to mock Pat Morita's passing by using your broadcasting techniques?  (It's the fourth question.)  You are three awful, awful announcers.

(But you're still using the Theismann Rating Scale for every movie and cd released that you review, right?)  Hell yes I am.

* The Awesome Twenty Seven.

27. Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, and Paul Maguire, College Football on ABC/ESPN.  These two three usually get the 2:30 Big Ten (plus four) game, and do a phenomenal job.  Nessler is, in my opinion, one of the three or four best broadcasters in the business (he still has at least one more appearance coming up).  Maguire is freaking hysterical to listen to.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love people who can make fun of themselves.  The only reason this pairing is so low is due to Bob Griese's presence.  He's atrocious.  But Nessler and Maguire are so excellent, they at least merit a mention.

26. Joel Meyers and Stu Lantz, LA Lakers basketball.  Meyers has since moved on to handling play-by-play duties with the New Orleans (soon to be) Pelicans, and does a great job with David Wesley.  But he gets this mention for one reason, and one reason only: a game he covered at the Key Arena between the Lakers and Sonics back in 2005.  For some reason that night, the Lakers broadcast didn't go to commercial when the play on the court stopped; you got an inside look instead at what announcers do while off the air. 

So there's a stoppage of play, and the camera pans to this extremely attractive blonde chick, who had some assets and wasn't afraid to flaunt them.  The camera stays on her, and then out of nowhere you hear "aww sh*t", said in the most sleazy, dirty old man voice imaginable.  Then Stu Lantz chimes in with an extremely distasteful, off-color joke about a sex act he'd like to perform on this chick, and Meyers and Lantz both lose it.  They finally come back live, and I sh*t you not, the camera dude or dudette then focuses on a little 6, 7 year old kid eating cotton candy, and Meyers chimes in with a "aww, isn't that nice", and Lantz replies with something about how great that moment is.  One minute, they're talking about how they want to go down on an attractive blonde, the next, they're praising a kid eating cotton candy.  I don't know what that says about me, but I could not stop laughing.  And I wasn't the only one watching that night, that lost it as well.  "Aww sh*t".  Daddy likey!

25. Brad Sham and Dale Hansen, Dallas Cowboys radio broadcast.  If you live in Dallas, you know who Dale Hansen is, and odds are, you love the guy.  (I know I do).  You also know Dale Hansen hates -- with a passion -- Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.  It made for really interesting radio back in the day.  (Mr. Jones fired Mr. Hansen during the 1996 season, and let's just say, Mr. Hansen still isn't over his poop-canning.)  Mr. Sham also handles the radio call for the Final Four, and has broadcast various other basketball games, as well as being the former lead announcer for the Monday Night Football radio broadcast.  Mr. Hansen is still the lead sports anchor at WFAA, and is best known as the man who brought down SMU Football with his investigative work.

The man Mr. Hansen replaced as WFAA's lead sports broadcaster?  Who else? Verne!

24. Verne Lundquist and Scott Hamilton, figure skating.  Sadly, this duo is no longer paired up, since CBS hasn't broadcast a Winter Olympiad since 1998.  But man, were these two awesome together.  They were so good, so well loved, that they made a cameo as themselves on a classic episode of "Roseanne", where they are calling the "sock skating on linoleum" finals from the Conner's kitchen.  (Their scene is in the closing credits of the episode linked ... but any scene with Roseanne and Jackie in the supermarket, is laugh out loud hysterical, especially their epic meltdown near the end of the episode.  Well worth a click.)

23. Ian Eagle and Dan Fouts, NFL on CBS.  I love, love, love Ian Eagle (who is also the Brooklyn Nets play-by-play announcer).  And I love, love, love Dan Fouts, dating back to when ABC put him in the Monday Night Football booth for two years.  Two rock solid pros that always present an enjoyable broadcast.  You can tell these two are friends outside the booth, and their chemistry is beyond entertaining to watch.  Yo, Les Moonves?  You wanna promote these guys to your top team, I can think of at least one NFL fan who'd be beyond ecstatic.

22. Mike Patrick and Todd Blackledge, College Football on ABC/ESPN.  Mr. Blackledge has developed into one of the best analysts in the sport.  Mr. Patrick is a total wildcard -- one week, he's on top of his game; the next, he's wondering out loud, prompted by nothing, how Britney Spears is doing at that moment in time.  Either way, he's beyond entertaining and enjoyable, and he has at least one more appearance upcoming.

21. Paul Page, Scott Goodyear, and Eddie Cheever, Indy Racing League.  I love Mr. Cheever, who as a driver / owner, once not only called his fellow teammate an "assh*le" live on the air after his teammate caused a wreck that took out their two cars, but he also fired that driver, live, on air.  The driver?  You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!  Nah, just kidding -- Tomas "Crash" Scheckter.  Mr. Goodyear is the best color analyst in motorsports.  And Paul Page?  Well ... he's lovable.  Clueless, incompetent, inept, talentless, and utterly and totally unaware for 92.4% of the race what the hell is going on ... but lovable.  Sadly, this team was downgraded on the comedy scale when Mr. Page was demoted, and Marty Reid promoted, to the lead analyst's chair.  This is not the only IRL broadcasting team, that will be appearing in my rankings.

20. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, NFL on FOX.  A solid broadcasting team that usually turns in a solid, professional effort every week.  Mr. Buck is better calling baseball (and will still appear for his work in a few more spots).  Mr. Aikman is improving every year.  These guys grow on you.

19. Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Michael Darrell Waltrip, NASCAR on FOX.  Hard to believe this is their 13th season paired together ... and it's damned near impossible to pick a single criticism of any of them.  Combined with Chris Myers and Jeff Hammond in the Hollywood Hotel, this broadcasting crew is as good as it gets.

18. Frank Gifford, Al Michaels, and Dan Dierdorf, Monday Night Football.  Frank, Al, and Dan.  Had a nice ring to it back then.  Still has a nice ring to it, even if "it" hasn't happened since 1997.  Lord, do I miss this threesome.  Frank Gifford -- clueless, inept, aloof, ten years past his has-been, thirty years past his prime, still there on your screen every week, like the drunk party guest who doesn't realize it's 2am, and all you want to do is go to sleep and be done with the evening.  Al, trying to keep this three ring circus from drawing multi-thousand dollar FCC fines.  And Dan.  Oh man did (do!) I love Dan Dierdorf, openly rooting for the Chiefs in the booth.  Not "favoring" -- openly rooting. 

In just a six year span, you got these gems out of Dierdorf, showing how much he loved (loves?) the Chiefs.  Here are eight quotes from Chiefs games spanning 1991 to 1997.  You tell me which of the eight, did not come out of Dierdorf's mouth:

* "I have never been inside a finer facility" -- welcoming us to Arrowhead, October 7, 1991, for my favorite game in Chiefs history.

* "The drive in, the smell of the smoke and the barbeque coming from the parking lot, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" -- from October 7, 1991.

* "How's it feel, john!" -- from the Greatest Monday Night Game ever played, at denver, week 6 1994, as john elway stood powerless and helpless on the sideline, watching Joe Montana willing the Chiefs to victory.

* "Lord, you can take me now, I have seen it all!!!" -- from the Greatest Monday Night Game ever played, at denver, week 6 1994, after Joe Montana found Willie Davis for the game winning score with :08 remaining.

* "Aw.  Poor Wade.  He did everything ... but win!" -- from the Greatest Monday Night Game ever played, at denver, week 6 1994, as a discombobulated and stunned Wade "Son of Bum" Phillips was shown on the sideline.

* "How (could they not rule that a catch)?  You can't even tell the definition of the sideline (from up here)!" -- at oakland, week 2 1997, on the Chiefs final drive.

* "I wonder how al (davis) feels about that!" -- week 10 1997, after Marcus Allen threw a touchdown to secure a victory over the Steelers.

* "(Joe) Bugle is apoplectic.  (Camera pans to Carl Peterson)  There's the president of the Chiefs.  (Camera pans to al davis)  And Andre Rison has just about burned al davis' house down, if you know what I mean" -- week 2 1997, after Andre Rison caught a 33 yard bomb as time expired to beat the raiders 28-27.

The answer?  The last one.  Al Michaels said that.  But Dierdorf's comeback was priceless.  (pure sarcasm voice) "Unfortunately, we do!"

17. Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mark Jackson, NBA on ABC / ESPN.  Mr.'s Breen and Van Gundy are still the lead NBA announcing crew, but they were so much better with Mark Jackson.  I miss that guy.

16. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, MLB on FOX.  I like Mr. Buck, as mentioned earlier.  I'm probably the only person in America who feels this way, but I actually like Tim McCarver too.  He'll be missed once he retires after this season.  Unlike Billy "Fudge" Packer, whose retirement set off wild mass celebrations amongst every mass of college basketball fans.

15a. Mike Breen, Kenny Smith, and Al Trautwig, along with
15b. Gus Johnson, Walt "Clyde" Frazier, and Al Trautwig, New York Knicks on MSG / YES.

It sucks that these two all star rotations are no longer calling Knicks games.  It also sucks that I shut down Stevo's Site Numero Uno, and lost my running commentaries of Knicks broadcasts during the 2007-2008 season.  (Also known as "the season James Dolan gave Isiah Thomas total control of the franchise".  Yeah, that didn't work out well.)  Those things were comedic gold; they wrote themselves.  Every night, poor Al Trautwig would welcome us to more misery at the Garden.  He'd spend 20 minutes setting the mood, before finally interviewing Isiah before introductions.  These things got so ugly, that by midseason, poor Al was interviewing Isiah in pre-taped segments, the fans' anger against Zeke was so pronounced.  And then, you'd have four of the best broadcasters in the sport (one pairing was MSG, one pairing was YES; I don't remember which was which, but I'm 85% certain GuJo was YES, and Breen was MSG) broadcast yet another 103-79 beatdown of the Knicks, in which the entire second half was nothing other than 19,000 plus p*ssed off New Yorkers chanting "Fire Thomas!", "Zeke Sucks!", and other non-family friendly phrases.  (classic sitcom theme song voice) Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  (Na na na na na) Good Times!!!!

14. Brad Nessler and Mike Mayock, NFL Network.  I've already praised Nessler earlier.  I flat out love the guy.  Mr. Mayock has been a godsend, both on NFLN and on Notre Dame football.  You want to know how sh*tty the people he replaced were?  He bumped Joey Sunshine (aka Joe Theismann) and Matt Millen to the curb on NFLN, and the beyond awful Pat Haden on NBC's broadcasts.  On behalf of football fans everywhere, thank you, management at NFLN and NBC Sports!

13. Gary Thorne and Bill Clement, NHL on ESPN.  God, I miss these guys.  There were three things that always let me know, (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, that summer was rapidly approaching.  (1) Bill McCreary becoming a part of my life for two months.  (2) Gary Thorne and Bill Clement calling a crucial Stars / Avs, Stars / Wings, Wings / Avs game in the Western Finals, and (3) Thorne marvelling in amazement that the ice in Dallas melted at the pace of 2-3 inches per period.  Ol' Gar, ol' buddy, ol pal?  It's 100 f*cking degrees outside, in an arena in which the air conditioning rarely worked.  Of COURSE the ice is going to melt!  That's what ice does when it encounters heat -- it melts!  Good Lord. 

12. Marv Albert and Mike Fratello, NBA on NBC.  Ol' Marv finally checks in, as part of my favorite national NBA broadcasting tandem of all time.  (There's still two local broadcasting pairings upcoming.)  He's had a solid recovery from being known as "that guy who wears a horrific toupee, enjoying wearing women's panties, and likes to bite women while he's having rough sex with them".  To be fair, those are three fetishes I don't enjoy, but hey, whatever's clever.  As for Mike Fratello, come on.  He's the damned "Czar of the Telestrator" for crying out loud!  The man is awesome!  No word on if he enjoying wearing panties though.  My guess is no ... but who truly knows?

11. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura, WWF.  Ooh, forgotten about this broadcasting classic duo?  Eventually Bobby "The Brain" Heenan replaced Jesse "The Body" Ventura when he left to run the state of Minnesota, and the broadcast was just as solid.

What also made it a great pairing?  Is the golden, soothing pipes of "Mean" Gene Okerlund.  What kid -- and I'm being serious here -- what kid DIDN'T beg their parents to "contact your local cable or satellite provider" to order WrestleMania (insert roman numeral here)?  God knows I did.  And what parent DIDN'T sign off on "contacting your local cable or satellite provider" to order WrestleMania (insert roman numeral here)?  God knows mine did.

And since I really haven't gone off tangent yet, here's another thing from my childhood that really doesn't exist anymore, and it's infuriating.  What the hell happened to quality wrestler nicknames?  Sure, you still have some, but they're the actual name of the guy now, not an adjective.  Now it's "The Rock", "The Undertaker".  Consider what we used to have:

* "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan.
* "The Macho Man" Randy Savage.
* Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.
* Jake "The Snake" Roberts.
* "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase.
* "Classy" Freddy Blassy.
* Jimmy Hart, the "Mouth of the South".
* "Ravishing" Rick Rude.
* Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
* Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
* "Cowboy" Bob Orton.
* Bret "The Hitman" Hart.
* "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan.

We need quality wrestling nicknames back in our lives, fellow readers.  We need quality wrestling nicknames back in our lives, stat.

Here we go, the Top Ten!!!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. Sean McDonough, Bill Raftery, and Jay Bilas, ESPN Big Monday (Big East Game).  My favorite moment with this crew, had to be during the epic six overtime UConn / 'Cuse game, when Raftery noted that he was "going to miss my midnight table time" in Atlantic City.  But honestly, my favorite game they've ever called, was when Villanova rolled the 'Cuse in the Big East quarters in 2007.  Some memorable one-liners that afternoon:

Bilas: "What would you tell your team ('Cuse trailed 2-23)"?
Raftery: "Everybody plays today!"
(laughs all around)
Raftery: "No, really -- if you can't get in today, you might want to rethink why you play this game!"
(laughs all around)
Bilas: "So you'd even put me in?"
Raftery: "I'd at least think about it!"
(laughs all around)

McDonough: "Coach, in all seriousness, how do you handle a defeat like this?"
Bilas: "Because honestly, Coach, nobody's been in this spot more than you"
Raftery: "Which is probably why I'm sitting here!"
(laughs all around)

Bilas: "As Dick Vitale would note, get the bus started!"
Raftery: "Why?  They way (Syracuse) are playing, they'd wind up under (the bus)!"
(laughs all around)

9. Bob Davis and Max Falkenstein, University of Kansas football and basketball.

Let's just acknowledge the obvious.  Bob Davis is a horrible broadcaster, whether it be calling KU athletics, or Kansas City Royals baseball.  And Max Falkenstein ... my God, he stuck around at least 22 1/4 years too long.  But I don't care.  I see nothing wrong with clueless homers broadcasting my team's games, and that's exactly what Bob and Max are / were: clueless homers broadcasting my team's games.

Bob has never seen a call or play go against KU, that wasn't an outrage.  Max ... well, he's probably never seen a call or play go against KU; he wasn't all there for the last 22 1/4 years.  Here's how clueless Max Falkenstein is -- whenever the defense makes a big stand, or faces a huge play, or the offense takes the field, the opening bells from "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC always plays.  Just the "clang!  clang!  clang!  clang!" part of it.

Max, the loveable clueless homer, responded to the canned music by joyfully exclaiming "even the bells of the Campanille are ringing over that play!"  How ANYONE can confuse the opening of "Hell's Bells" to the (much quieter) clanking of the Campanille, I have no idea.  But he said it.

As for Bob?  This about sums it up.

8. Chris Marlowe and Brian Bosworth, XFL on UPN.  Unless you watched the XFL, you have no idea why this team, that lasted only a season, is ranked this high.  If you did watch the XFL, you know exactly why this team is ranked so high, and that reason is Brian Bosworth.  He had a catch phrase that my friends and I still yell out or tweet anytime there's a fumble on the field.  "That's a live ball!"  Half of the time, it wasn't a "live ball"; it was an incomplete pass or the runner was already down by contact, but still, anytime a ball started rolling around the field, "that's a live ball!"

Mr. Bosworth also got into a boatload of trouble for this classy comment: "It's like prom night at the Mustang Ranch: everybody's getting banged!"  Yes, that was said on a live football telecast to describe the action in the trenches.

7. Bob Jenkins, Larry Rice, and Jason Priestley, IRL on ABC / ESPN.  I will grant you, there is probably nobody who lives outside the state of Indiana, who loves the Indy Racing League as much as I do.  Which helps explain why ratings are non-existant for any race other than Indy ... or Texas.  It's that Texas race in 2001, that earns these three this high honor and distinction.

First of all, yes -- it is THAT Jason Priestley, aka Brandon Walsh from the original "90210".  Believe it or not, he wasn't half bad as a race commentator. And Bob Jenkins has replaced the dearly departed Tom Carnegie as "The Voice of Indianapolis Motor Speedway".  It's Larry Rice, that made this trio work.

The man was like your crazy drunk uncle.  He'd just say stuff out of nowhere, that would make no sense, and then you'd just laugh when his predictions or comments came true.  

This Texas race in June 2001 is my favorite race in IRL history.  It was insane, to put it mildly.  There were only two cautions as I recall.  And for most of the race, the top three drivers were running three wide around the entire track -- Eddie Cheever (solid driver), Greg Ray (anything but), and Scott Sharp (still has the distinction of being the only pole sitter at Indy to finish in 33rd ... because he failed to get out of the first turn before wrecking his vehicle.)  Somehow, this worked.  All night long.  And so Larry and Bob and Jason had to keep coming up with new ways to say "three wide", and it got hysterical.

"Look at this!  Three abreast!"  "This'll never wor -- yes it will!"  If someone has a copy of that race, share it with the world; I couldn't find any true highlights on Youtube!, unfortunately.

I really, really, really miss the old IRL.

6. Dan Hicks, Johnny Miller, Mark Rolfing, Roger Maltbie, Judy Rankin, and assorted others, PGA on NBC.  Some people hate Johnny Miller.  I love him.  I wish NBC would use him on the Sunday Night Football telecast; I think a booth of Al, Cris, and Johnny would be the best since the number one ranked team on this list.  Mark Rolfing and Judy Rankin are among the best in the sport at covering the course.  Roger Maltbie is the comic relief, and somehow, Dan Hicks holds this all together.  I wish every major was on NBC ... provided they let Jim Nantz still call the 18th at Augusta.  You know spring has arrived, when Mr. Nantz is dropping a crappy play on words regarding the name of the winner.

5. Ralph Lawler and Bill Walton, Los Angeles Clippers television broadcast.  This, along with number two, is why I buy the NBA League Pass every year.  There has only been one better local broadcast team, than Lawler and Walton (and they're at number two).  Now, the Clippers were terrible back in the late 1990s and really well into the 2000s.  (They did have one solid season in 2005-2006, when they took Phoenix to seven in the divisional round.)  But this being the Clippers?  Of COURSE they were the six seed, yet had home court advantage over the third seeded Nuggets!

The beauty of this pairing, apart from the obvious love and admiration they had for each other, was that they knew the Clippers sucked ass, and didn't try to hide it.  Instead, at some point, they'd simply stop calling the action, and go off on some tangent for ten minutes that was far more interesting than the game itself.  Case in point: the night Ralph and Bill debated how to properly pronounce the letter "W" ... in German.  Bill noted it's pronounced like a V (which is true), and so he and Ralph for the rest of the night, and the entire season, would refer to him as "Villiam Valton".  Hey -- you try covering a 65 loss team for 82 nights, and see how creative you get to keep people tuned in.  Sadly, Villy moved on due to his health issues, but he still pops up from time to time on the Sacramento Kings local broadcast.  Ralph Lawler?  Still the only man to ever call the play-by-play for the Los Angeles Clippers.

4. Good Ol' JR and Jerry "The King" Lawler, WWE.  If this was the only great call they'd ever had?  They'd still be ranked fourth.  

3. Kevin Harlan, Len Dawson, Mr. William Grigsby, and Bob Gretz (sideline), Kansas City Chiefs Radio Network.  Chiefs fans?  We once had THE best radio team in the business.  Look at that talent.  It's an embarrassment of riches.  Mr. Harlan left after the 1993 season to join FOX (and eventually join CBS) as one of the lead announcers for the NFL.  You also no doubt recognize him from his fantastic work doing the NBA on TNT, as well as doing play-by-play for the Minnesota Timberwolves television broadcast.  Len Dawson is an icon in this town, and isn't afraid to say what he's thinking.  The late, great Bill Grigsby is sorely missed.  Seeing our Ol' Pardner slowly fazed out over the late 1990s and into the early 2000s was tragic and outrageous.  And people forget how great a reporter and sideline guy Bob Gretz was once upon a time.  Nobody -- nobody! -- in Kansas City had more to do with Lamar Hunt finally cleaning house after the 1988 season than some reporter employed by the KC Star named Bob Gretz.

My favorite moment for each of them:

Harlan, week 17 1992, as 9-6 denver visited 9-6 Kansas City, with the final playoff berth in the AFC on the line -- "Not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!!!"  The Chiefs won 42-20 in a game that wasn't even that close.

Dawson, week 8 2004, with the Chiefs leading the Colts 45-35, after Greg Wesley intercepts peyton manning's desperation pass: "Get down.  Get down!  Jesus get dow -- ooh good block!" 

Grigsby?  I have three.  (1) 1990 season, after Dave Kreig escapes what would have been Derrick Thomas' eighth sack on the afternoon, and hits Paul Skanzi on a Hail Mary heave to beat the Chiefs 17-16: "I'm too old to cry, I'm too sick to puke".  (2) Anytime it was thrown to him in the Pavilion for the postgame.  You never knew what you were gonna get, other than (a) he was drunk, (b) he had no filter, and (c) he'd offer friendly advise to every Chiefs fan listening to "don't take it out on the dog".  I miss Harry.  I might need to pour myself a stiff libation over some Mountain Valley Spring Water bought at Price Chopper to go along with my gumbo from Jazz.

And (3) -- the moment when they took the keys away from Uncle Bill, when he asked a Chiefs Hall of Famer "how the f*ck are ya!" live, on the air, during the pregame.  

2. Mike Gorman, Tommy Heinsohn, and Bob Cousy, Boston Celtics television broadcast.  Sadly, Cousy moved on a few years ago, but trust me -- if you have never heard Tommy Heinsohn call a game, you MUST check him out next fall when the League offers the League Pass for free for a few days to open the season.  For starters, you can't understand a word he's saying 92.6% of the time, because (a) he truly struggles to pronounce player names because (b) he's fall down drunk hammered by the time the game gets underway.  And he goes downhill from there.  You can almost picture the stiff bourbon and pack of Marlboro Red's at the broadcast table.  He also has this thing called a "Tommy Point" that he gives whenever someone does something good.  It's like the "Circle Me Bert!" Bert Blyleven thing -- it's absolutely retarded, but it's absolutely awesome.  Mr. Gorman is about as solid as they come on play-by-play, and quite frankly, anyone who can manage to (somewhat) reign Tommy Heinsohn in?  Is one helluva broadcaster.

1. Pat Summerall and John Madden, NFL on CBS / NFL on FOX.  They're the best.  Period.  Nothing will ever top this pairing.  I should instinctively hate John Madden -- after all, he coached the raiders for ten years, won a Super Bowl, reached a couple others.  But I can't.  Mr. Madden loved the NFL, he loved the sport, and it showed through in every broadcast.

And Pat?  There will never be another who ever approaches his greatness.

My favorite Summerall / Madden call of a Chiefs game, was the 44-9 ass whipping we laid on the 49ers, Thanksgiving Sunday 1997.  Both teams would wind up with home field advantage throughout the playoffs (and both would lose to the eventual Super Bowl participants).  

The 49ers are forced to punt.  The Chiefs lead 30-6 at that point late in the third quarter.  They aren't risking anything; they send one.  Here's the call:

"The 49ers to punt and ... the punt is blocked!  Thompson's punt is blocked by ... (Tony) Gonzalez?!?!"

And then, after some back and forth after the change of possession (Chiefs got the ball at the 49ers 4), Pat Summerall simply summed it up:

"Allen.  Standing up.", as Marcus Allen scored the touchdown.  Which led to John Madden's classic rebuttal:

"Pat?  The Kansas City Chiefs are taking to the 49ers today, and they are giving them the business!"

But my favorite Summerall / Madden call, was the final play (for all intents and purposes) of the greatest NFL game played in my lifetime.  



"And the pass is caught by Owens!  Owens made the catch!"  (The 1:00 mark of the embedded clip.)

One of the rarest of moments: Pat Summerall getting caught up in the moment, beyond excited at what he'd just seen.  John Madden, literally speechless, just cheering like a fan.  Which is what they both were.  They were fans of the game.  And damn did it show.

Rest in peace Pat.  This world is a far, far worse place, without you ...

Saturday, April 20, 2013

forty games. forty night. suhweet!

"Oh say can you see?
By the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we hailed,
At the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose bright stripes and bright stars,
Through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched,
Were so gallantly streaming?

And the rockets red glare?
The bombs bursting in air?
Gave proof through the night,
That our flag was still there?

Oh say does that Star Spangled
Banner yet wave?
O'er the land of the free,
And the home of the brave?"

-- The National Anthem.  Oh yes it does.  Oh hell yes it does!!! ...



I know this is my NBA playoff picks piece, but if for some reason you’ve been living in a cave over the last five days, and have no idea what happened Monday, or haven’t heard the Anthem from Wednesday night’s Bruins game … uum, take 1:43 and click play on the embedded clip above this paragraph.  I dare you not to cry with pride, and I double dare you to not sing along through the tears. 

(There will be no physical challenges though, if you wish to escalate it to the next level.)

There is no power known to man, that will EVER, defeat our country.  We are ALL Americans.  Liberal, conservative.  Republican, Democrat.  NOTHING can defeat US!  Not then.  Not now.  

Not ever!

And now, without any further delay: my 2013 NBA Postseason Prognostications …

-----------------------------------------------------

My favorite six week stretch of the year is here!  Four magical words:

Forty Games!


Yes, come Saturday, the NBA postseason commences!  And good grief, Charlie Brown, what a lineup just the first round offers!  Here then, is this (never) humble blogger's prediction for how things will unfold.  And before you think I'm nuts, I remind you -- I'm the dude who nailed the Mavericks winning the O'Brien in 2011, and nailed Boston topping the LeBron's in six in 2010 -- both at least a month before they actually occurred.  I may not know much, but I know -- and freaking love -- the National Basketball Association!

Western Conference:

* 1 Oklahoma City Thunder (60-22) vs 8 Houston Rockets (45-37).

Game 1: at OKC, Sunday April 21, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 2: at OKC, Wednesday April 24, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at HOU, Saturday April 27, 8:30pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at HOU, Monday April 29, TBD.
Game 5: at OKC, Wednesday May 1, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at HOU, Friday May 3, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at OKC, Sunday May 5, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"I gave you love.
I thought that we
Had made it to the top?

I gave you all
I have to give.
Why did it have to stop?

You've blown it all sky high,
By telling me your lies,
Without a reason why.
You've blown it all sky high!"


Thought(s) on this series:

The James Harden Bowl?  Houston's star faces off against his former teammates for the first time in game(s) that truly matter.  I cannot wait to watch this series.  The last time Houston was in the playoffs, they pushed the eventual champion Lakers to seven games in the second round, three years ago.  The last time we saw Oklahoma City in the postseason, they lost last year's finals to the Heat in five.  That's about as many games as I expect them to need this year, to dispose of the pesky Rockets.  This is going to be one of those series, that ends far, far sooner than it should.  I'll say three of the five games, are within a possession inside the final minute ... and the Thunder win all three of those, plus a layup win in game two, to dispatch of the Rockets.

Prediction:

Thunder in five.

* 2 San Antonio Spurs (58-24) vs 7 Los Angeles Lakers (45-37).

Game 1: at SAS, Sunday April 21, 2:30pm CT (ABC).
Game 2: at SAS, Wednesday April 24, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at LAL, Friday April 26, 9:30pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at LAL, Sunday April 28, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 5: at SAS, Tuesday April 30, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at LAL, Thursday May 2, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at SAS, Saturday May 4, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"They said you ain't got a prayer,
A chance in you know where.
But I just didn't care.
When I looked in your eyes ...

You were a long shot from the start --
An easy way to break my heart.
But as perfect as you are?
You gotta risk it all sometimes.

I believe in the underdog!
Who chases dreams, and breaks down walls!
The shy kid who gets the prom queen;
Who's never been the star of anything.

And those two lovers hitched at City Hall?
They've got each other, so they've got it all!
Call me a dreamer, say I'm a little naive --
But I believe in the underdog ..."


Thought(s) on this series:

Sweet.  Merciful.  Jesus.

Yes!  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!  Holy God above, what a series!  These two teams have given us so many great ones over the years.  The '99 Spurs breaking through -- finally* -- with a second round sweep of the Lakers ... and the Lakers repaying the favor a year later, to launch their run of three straight O'Brien's, and four Finals appearances in five years.  Do you realize that one of these two teams has represented the West in the finals for all but three of the last fourteen postseasons?  No, really, they have -- all but 2006 and 2011 (Mavericks), and last year (Thunder).  And even then, the Mavs had to beat the Spurs to get there in 2006, beat both the Lakers and Spurs to get there in 2011, and the Thunder had to get through both of them last year.  Throw in Steve Nash and Mike D'Antoni's utter inability to get by the Spurs for half a dozen years in Phoenix, coupled with this possibly being the last gasp for both the Spurs and Lakers before a rebuild / retool gets underway, and this has the makings of a classic.

And yes, I am fully aware Kobe Bryant is not available for this series, and Steve Nash is at best playing hurt.  I don't care.  Besides, the Lakers just beat the Spurs six days ago without Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash.  They can do it four more times in the next two weeks.  One series every year in the first round defies all sense of logic and reason, and I think this one is it. 

Prediction:

Lakers in six.

(*: the Spurs moved to San Antonio for the 1973-1974 ABA season from Dallas**, and made the playoffs all three seasons in San Antonio, but lost in game seven in the first round all three years.  They then promptly made the NBA playoffs their first seven seasons, winning the division five times ... and never advanced beyond the second round.  They bottomed out, drafted David Robinson, promptly made the playoffs nine straight years ... and never reached the Finals.  They then drafted Tim Duncan, and finally -- finally -- broke through.)

(**: the team's name in Dallas?  The Chaparelles.  Yes, they were named after a hotel conference room.  The ABA!  God bless it, I wish I'd been alive for it!)

* 3 Denver Nuggets (57-25) vs 6 Golden State Warriors (47-35).

Game 1: at DEN, Saturday April 20, 4:30pm CT (ESPN).
Game 2: at DEN, Tuesday April 23, 9:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at GSW, Friday April 26, 9:30pm CT (ESPN2).
Game 4: at GSW, Sunday April  28, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 5: at DEN, Tuesday April 30, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at GSW, Thursday May 2, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at DEN, Saturday May 4, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"The ocean is on fire!
The sky turned dark again,
As the boats came in.

And the beaches?
Stretched out with soldiers.
With their arms and guns,
It has just begun.

Believe!  Do you want this?
Believe!  I want this too!

Why won't you tell me that
It's almost over?
Why must this tear my head
Inside and out?"


Thought(s) on this series:

A war.  That's what this is gonna be.  And not just a war -- this is gonna be fun!  George Karl taking on the team that initially fired him (george harrison voice) all those years ago.  Mark Jackson making his postseason debut as a coach.  Two teams that don't give two sh*ts about defense, it's all about scoring as much, and as fast, as possible.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yes, I know "scoring as much, and as fast, as possible" is the exact opposite of how I'd describe my sex life!  What's your point?

These are games you're gonna wanna stay up and crack open that second bottle of wine, to avoid missing.  Especially games three, four, and six at Oracle.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well no sh*t, Sherlock, I know I'll be cracking open bottle number five on the night!  But my typical reader isn't addicted to the bottle and the box like I am!  (keyshawn johnson voice) Come on man!

Prediction:

Nuggets in seven.

* 4 Los Angeles Clippers (56-26) vs 5 Memphis Grizzlies (56-26).

Game 1: at LAC, Saturday April 20, 9:30pm CT (ESPN).
Game 2: at LAC, Monday April 22, 9:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at MEM, Thursday April 25, 8:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 4: at MEM, Saturday April 27, 3:30pm CT (TNT).
Game 5: at LAC, Tuesday April 30, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at MEM, Friday May 3, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at LAC, Sunday May 5, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"All you gotta do?  Is smile that smile,
And there go all my defenses!
Just leave it up to you,
And in a little while,
You're messing up my mind,
And filling up my senses!

Here you come again,
Looking better than a body has a right to.
And shaking me up so,
That all I really know,
Is here you come again ...
And here I go!"


Thought(s) on this series:

Well, they went seven classic rounds last April; why not stage seven more this April?  This is one incredible series just on its own merits.  Your random "King of Useless Trivia" question for you -- the 2012-2013 Memphis Grizzlies are the 127th team in NBA history to win 56 or more games.  And they are only the 2nd, of those 127, to not have home court advantage, in the first round.  Can you name the only other team, in this "we done be screwed over, y'all!" category?  Your answer below.

You can make a legitimate, credible argument that the only real threat standing between the Thunder and a return to the Finals, is the winner of this series.  (Especially if my hu-yuge first round upset prediction in the West, occurs.)  These are two really, really fun teams to watch.  Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, Lob City.  Marc Gasol, Zach Randolph, and a much improved Mike Conley.  I'm making this prediction for one reason, and one reason only.  (Pause).  OK, fine.  Two reasons.

Vinny Del Negro.

And Lionel Hollins.

Prediction:

Grizzlies in six.

Western Conference Semi Finals:

1 Thunder over 5 Grizzlies in seven.
3 Nuggets over 7 Lakers in five.

Western Conference Finals:

3 Nuggets over 1 Thunder in six.

Western Conference Champion: Denver Nuggets.

(The trivia question answer?  The 1997-1998 San Antonio Spurs, who went 56-26, and like the Grizzlies, finished 5th in the Western Conference, in Tim Duncan's rookie season.  They won the O'Brien the following spring.)

Eastern Conference:

* 1 Miami Heat (66-16) vs 8 Milwaukee Bucks (38-44).

Game 1: at MIA, Sunday April 21, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 2: at MIA, Tuesday April 23, 6:30pm CT (NBA).
Game 3: at MIL, Thursday April 25, 6pm CT (TNT).
Game 4: at MIL, Sunday April 28, 2:30pm CT (ABC).
Game 5: at MIA, Tuesday April 30, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at MIL, Thursday May 2, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at MIA, Saturday May 4, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"As the midnight moon was drifting through
The lazy sway of the trees,
I saw the look in your eyes,
Looking into the night,
Not seeing what you wanted to see.

Darlin'?  Don't say a word!
I've already heard
What your body's saying to mine!

You tried a fast move,
You've got a slow groove
On your mind ...

You want a man with a slow hand!
You want a lover with an easy touch!
You want somebody who will spend some time,
Not come and go in a heated rush!
Baby believe me, I understand --
When it comes to love?  You want a slow hand!"

-- "Slow Hand" by Conway Twitty*.  Bucks fans?  We're gonna need a distraction the next week and a half ...

Thought(s) on this series:

First off, the Bucks are not the worst team record wise, to qualify for the NBA playoffs.  That distinction belongs to your 1987-1988 San Antonio Spurs, who somehow got in at 31-51.  31-51!  How?  How in the hell can a team twenty freaking games below .500, reach the playoffs**?  (john davidson voice) That's incredible!

If the Bucks take more than one, it'll be a miracle.  If they manage to take one, it'll be nothing short of unbelievable.  (Yet not as unbelievable, or miraculous, as David Stern not immediately demanding Brandon Jennings be drug-tested for guaranteeing the Bucks win in six.  BJ?  We ain't seeing a game six, let alone winning in six.)

This is gonna be ugly folks!  This is gonna be ... (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Oh, God love me!  What am I talking about?  My profound apologies, peoples and peepettes.  Mr. Vice President?



Prediction:

Heat in five.  Bucks take one at The Fortress on Fourth, then (wisely) blow this crappy team apart.

(*: I mention this every time I reference this song, but a (at the time) mid 50s aged dude singing about how he wants to use his hands to get a chick off, is just absolutely hysterical.  This song is as sleazy as it gets ... and Conway throws every ounce of sleaze he can muster into it.  Job well done sir!)

(**: incredibly enough, that Spurs team isn't even the worst postseason team in American hoops history.  Your 1974-1975 Memphis Sounds of the ABA went 27-57, and got in.  An incredible 30 freaking games under .500, and they qualified for the playoffs!  In a development that is surprising to absolutely noone, the Sounds did not survive to play the ABA's final season; they folded before the next season began after an attempted move to Baltimore that saw exactly twelve season tickets sold.  If you like a good read, you have to check out "Loose Balls" by Terry Pluto; it's the Bible of the ABA's history.  Start with the chapter devoted to the Spirts of St. Louis.  You won't regret it.)

(***: proof that I truly do love our Vice President.  That ... and I freaking LOVE "Parks and Rec".  #renewitnbc!)

* 2 New York Knicks (54-28) vs 7 Boston Celtics (41-40).

Game 1: at NYK, Saturday April 20, 2pm CT (ABC).
Game 2: at NYK, Tuesday April 23, 7pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at BOS, Friday April 26, 7pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at BOS, Sunday April 28, noon CT (ABC).
Game 5: at NYK, Wednesday May 1, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at BOS, Friday May 3, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at NYK, Sunday May 5, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"You used to be the best.
You made life feel real to me.
And I hope that you're still out there,
And you're like you used to be.

We'll have ourselves a time,
And we'll dance until the morning sun!
Let the good times come --
We won't stop until we're done!

And we'll be back in the high life again!
All the doors I closed one time,
Will open up again!
We'll be back in the high life again!
All the eyes that watched us once,
Will smile and take us in!

And we'll drink and dance with one hand free,
And have the world so easily!
Oh won't we be a sight to see --
Back in the high life again!"

-- "Back in the High Life Again", originally by Steve Winwood, but I prefer the Warren Zevon version

Thought(s) on this series:

There is no series I am looking forward to, more than this one.  Not just because, as someone who spent his childhood watching Michael Jordan torment my favorite team every May, the Knicks are finally relevant again, and are in great shape to win their first series since the 2000 Eastern semi-finals against the Heat, but because it's two of the league's signature franchises, squaring off in round one for the second time in three seasons ... and only the third time, in the last twenty four years.  It's Paul Pierce on Carmelo.  It's Tyson Chandler on Kevin Garnett.  It's potentially (and probably) Jason Kidd's last hurrah.  It's the drama of seeing which injured superstar's absence will hurt worse: Amare Stoudamire or Rajon Rondo.  It's about two of the three best crowds in the league.  It's about the majesty of the Gahden.  It's about two coaches who could not be more different, who could not coach any more polar opposite, who have been extremely successful, yet if anything, they're doubted more than they're trusted.

It's Knicks.  It's Celtics.  It opens the postseason Saturday afternoon.  And it's gonna be epic.

The Gahden hasn't hosted a truly meaningful Knicks game since the Raptors ended the Van Gundy years, and twelve years of misery began.  This is gonna be fun.

Prediction:

Knicks in seven.

* 3 Indiana Pacers (49-32) vs 6 Atlanta Hawks (44-38).

Game 1: at IND, Sunday April 21, noon CT (TNT).
Game 2: at IND, Wednesday April 24, 6:30pm CT (NBA).
Game 3: at ATL, Saturday April 27, 6pm CT (ESPN).
Game 4: at ATL, Monday April 29, TBD.
Game 5: at IND, Wednesday May 1, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at ATL, Friday May 3, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at IND, Sunday May 5, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"I'm the little boy with glasses,
The one they call the geek.
A little girl who never smiles,
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth.
And I know how it feels,
To cry myself to sleep.

I'm that kid on every playground,
Who's always chosen last.
A single teenage mother,
Trying to overcome my past.
You don't have to be my friend,
But is it too much to ask ...

Don't laugh at me.
Don't call me names.
Don't get your pleasure from my pain.
In God's eyes? 
We're all the same.
Someday we'll all have perfect wings.

Don't laugh at me ..."


Thought(s) on this series:

This might be the most uncompetitive series of all the first rounders.  And without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- it is the least appealing of the eight series, and I don't envision myself making any game in this series prior to game seven "appointment viewing".  But Indiana is scary good.  Don't forget -- the Pacers put the fear of God into the Heat last spring, actually winning game two in Miami, and making it a best of three series after game four.  The Hawks should be commended for going into full-on rebuild mode, yet still making the playoffs with an above .500 record.  Josh Smith, Al Horford, all entertaining as hell to watch.  But come on.  There is no freaking way Atlanta is winning more than one game.  And I'm not going to pick them to do even that.

Prediction:

Pacers in four.

* 4 Brooklyn Nets (49-33) vs 5 Chicago Bulls (45-37).

Game 1: at BKY, Saturday April 20, 7pm CT (ESPN).
Game 2: at BKY, Monday April 22, 7pm CT (TNT).
Game 3: at CHI, Thursday April 25, 7:30pm CT (NBA).
Game 4: at CHI, Saturday April 27, 1pm CT (TNT).
Game 5: at BKY, Monday April 29, TBD (if necessary).
Game 6: at CHI, Thursday May 2, TBD (if necessary).
Game 7: at BKY, Saturday May 4, TBD (if necessary).

Song that sums up my feelings on this series:

"Black top road.  A learner permit.
Thought I was Earnhardt, driving fast --
But I didn't see the ditch.

Took out a mailbox.  Then a fence.
And then a barn.
The police came and called my father --
But I met the farmer's daughter.

And when the judge asked me
Why I did it?
He threw the book at me when I told him
Cause the chicks dig it.

Scars heal!  Glory fades!
And all we're left with are the memories made.
Pain hurts, but only for a minute!
Life is short, so go on and live it --
Cause the chicks dig it!"


Thought(s) on this series:

Ooh.  This one might wind up being the most tightly contested series.  I can make an argument for either team winning in four, or losing in seven, or any other outcome in between.   The Bulls beat the Nets by 1 (in Chicago) in their first meeting.  The Nets beat the Bulls by 4 (in Brooklyn) in their second meeting.  (The Bulls won the rubber match by 11.)  This won't be an up-tempo, high-flying, "we don't play no stinking defense!" match up.  The only coach in this league who values defense more than PJ Carlesimo, is Tom Thibodeau.  Neither team topped 100 in any of their meetings this season, and in fact neither team came within a possession of scoring 100.  If you enjoyed the old-school Bulls / Knicks showdowns from the 1990s?  Get ready for something similar to it, albeit with a different New York based team this time.

Prediction:

Nets in seven.

Eastern Conference Semi Finals:

1 Heat over 4 Nets in seven.  
2 Knicks over 3 Pacers in seven.  

Eastern Conference Finals:

2 Knicks over 1 Heat in six.  

Eastern Conference Champion: New York Knicks.

The Finals:

3 Nuggets over 2 Knicks in six.

NBA Champions: Denver Nuggets.

Enjoy the games!

week twelve picks

The Statisticals. Last Week SU: 8-6-0. Season to Date SU: 98-62-1. Last Week ATS: 7-7-0. Season to Date ATS: 75-80-6. Last Week Upset / ...