chiefs! raiders! one of these teams is playoff bound ...

“They say that all good things must end.
Love comes and goes just like the wind.
You’ve got your dreams to follow,
But if I had the chance tomorrow,
You know I’d do it all again!

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!
I wouldn’t have missed loving you girl!
You make my whole life worthwhile
With your smile.

And I wouldn’t trade one memory!
Cause you mean to much to me.
Even though I lost you girl –
I wouldn’t have missed it for the world …”

-- Ronnie Milsap, “I Wouldn’t Have Missed It (For the World)” …


Let me be open and honest up front: I hate losing to the oakland raiders. I hate losing to that team, to those fans, to that organization. I especially hate losing in embarrassing, blowout, “wow, we just dropped our pants and defecated at midfield” fashion, like the Chiefs did on Sunday.

Having said that … this is probably the least angry I’ve been leaving a Chiefs loss in a long time. I honestly don’t remember the last time I left a Chiefs game after a defeat, and had not one ounce of anger, bitterness, “look out, Steve’s going on a bender!” frustration as a result of said defeat.

Why is that? Simple.

As the scoreboard kept flashing on multiple occasions yesterday … we’re the 2010 AFC Western Division champions.

As I posted on Facebook after the game, that game didn’t mean one damned thing in the grand scheme of things. If anything, I’m kind of relieved that we lost. Partly because the raiders exposed our one glaring weakness (an inability to stop a solid pass rush), and that hopefully forces outgoing OC Chuck Weis to adapt, go to more 3 step drops, more dink-and-dunk passing.

But mostly, I’m ok with the loss, because my Armageddon scenario is avoided.

It won’t be the (fireman ed voice) J! E! T! S! Jets Jets Jets! visiting Arrowhead on Sunday afternoon. It will be the Baltimore Ravens. Tougher opponent? Sure, on paper. But they don’t play games on paper. If they did, the Chiefs would be 6-10 and finished with their season. They play games on the field. And playing at Arrowhead, I like our chances come Sunday afternoon.

For one final time for the regular season … and oh yeah, there’s still at least one more of these to come! … let’s hit the recap:

* I have to start the recap with one of the most amazing, spectacular, “holy hell, how did this EVER happen?!?!” moment of my life, which occurred on Saturday afternoon and early evening. When my alma mater, a football “factory” that went 1-11 my junior year, the 1 coming in our final game via an overtime win over equally inept SMU, when TCU won the freaking Rose Bowl by a 21-19 final count over #5 Wisconsin.

I mean, are you kidding me? TCU is 13-0, Rose Bowl champions, and the poster child for why some people think college football needs a playoff?

Wow. Just … wow.

Two things stood out to me from this program-establishing victory:

1. The sheer joy in the eyes of my fellow Horned Frogs. This Tank Carder dude, holy God, how do we get him in a Chiefs uniform in time for Sunday? His love of the game is obvious. His talent is undeniable. But not just Carder – the joy on that podium as they accepted the trophy was awesome. Absolutely awesome. I actually had a few tears in my eyes. The joy, the sheer emotion, you saw on that podium, you usually only see in college sports in Omaha in June, for the College World Series. The underdog had his day in the sun. Awesome stuff. And …

2. The throw-away line late in the game by Brent Musburger, that TCU is a private institution of 9,000 undergraduate students (slightly larger enrollment than when I went there) … who pay $41k a year for the privilege of calling yourself a Horny Frog. I’m not sure who dialed first, me or my dad, but this was the reaction:

(steve) did you just hear that?
(steve’s dad) 41,000 a year!
(steve) it’s gotten really pricey!
(steve’s dad) yeah, I got off easy at 32,000 a year for you, huh?
(steve) (without a hint of sarcasm) it’s the best 125,000 you’ve ever spent!
(steve’s dad) (pause) uuh, we’ll go with that.

* Sign I should have known it wasn’t going to be our day: I slept in to the alarm at 6am. I never make it to the alarm going off on Gameday Sundays, I almost always am wide awake by 5ish.

* One other “scary” Saturday night moment: I’m talking with the “Voice of Reason” in the aftermath of TCU winning the Rose Bowl, and he notes that he took UConn +17. My response: “I don’t like that bet. This smells like a 48-20 OU win”. Sure as sh*t, your final? OU 48, UConn 20. Even a broken clock is right twice a day …

* Plenty of riders on the two buses Sunday. It might have taken sixteen weeks, but we finally had enough folks again to justify taking both tailgating vehicles! You’d think we were playoff bound or something. Oh. Sweet!

* It wasn’t nearly as cold out there as I feared it would be. Yes, I was literally shaking during tailgating, because any day under 75 degrees is unbearable for me. I seriously have to move somewhere warmer. But it wasn’t nearly as cold as last week. Or as cold as Sunday’s playoff game looks to be at this point.

* Smartest idea of the day: me opting not to do the traditional “take a shot for each year you’ve lived” birthday salute. Once your first digit of your age is a “3”, and especially when the second digit is bigger than the first number … it’s probably best to lay up a little on the shot-taking.

* I headed down at 8:15 to save spots. Since Tyler couldn’t make it, I was the only one headed down. At least our friendly traffic guy Glen was there. I have to think Randy is rolling over in his grave at the fact that one of the parking nazis out there is friendly, agreeable, and an all around good guy. Where the hell was this to open the decade?

* Also making an appearance Sunday? Our good buddy Justin Robinson from Channel 9! Who dropped a couple hilarious one-liners when we were doing apple pie shots with Phil and his crew … and managed to mooch a cheeseburger, a beer, multiple shots, and other assorted goodies from the tailgaters in the back of Lot G. You gotta love it.

* Worst development of the day (other than, you know, the outcome of the game): the Command Center died at the entrance to the gates. Took a solid hour to get that thing fired up and parked. And for that, I blame the Good Times towing folks. They’re always right there to tow any vehicle that dares to ignore the parking directives. But if you actually need their assistance, you’re sh*t out of luck.

* Funniest line of the day: Phil complaining that the “Iowegians” are taking over all of our tailgates. Iowegian. That’s hilarious.

* Second worst development of the day (other than, you know, the outcome of the game): we were counting on the Command Center for the music. So it was a pretty quiet tailgate. Which only encouraged our neighbors across the way to blast their annoying-as-holy-hell horn pretty much non-stop.

* Castro was there when the gates opened! That’s about as stunning of a headline as “Steve quits drinking”. Speaking of which …

* Hell no, I’m not giving up the liquid refreshment. But my good buddy Chris apparently has, after the Christmas Day “holy crap, we plowed through how many bottles and boxes of wine?!?!” celebration. Actually, this is a frightening trend I’m noticing lately, friends giving up drinking as a New Year’s resolution. I mean, really? How can you possibly cope with life without something to escape from it with? (And spare me the “find religion” comeback. That ain’t happening).

* Really good food on Sunday. Smoked ribs, flank steak, smothered pork chops, smoked baked beans. And for the first time this Chiefs season, my summer tailgating staple made an appearance (the Gatorade bottle loaded up with vodka). Maybe that’s why we lost – that’s what I always drink at Royals tailgates, and they suck ass every year. Note to self: do NOT bring that for Sunday, just stick to the screwdrivers.

* Gregg and Jenni showed up about 10. Always good to see them.

* Since it was my birthday weekend, I got to wear the “Kiss Me, It’s My Birthday!” flashing pin. Sadly, no extremely hot, reasonably hot, moderately attractive, or “it’s 2am, we’re at the Eclipse – what the hell, you wanna go home with me” regrettable decision chicks took me up on the offer. Poor Stevo.

* About 10:15, the raiders fans showed up. Four of them. Let’s just say, I was completely unprepared, shocked, and stunned at my reaction to them. Because … they were four of the funnest folks you could ever welcome into your tailgate. (More on them to come). But (sadly?) I’m now up to 6 raiders fans I don’t hate … and one broncos fan I don’t want to immediately beat up with the HHH memorial sledge hammer. I’m softening in my old age.

(kb … soon to be kj, voice after reading that last sentence) aw, I’m the denver fan. Thanks Steve!

(Since I mentioned her, have to recap the funniest moment of my Chrismukkah season. I’m out shopping for gifts for folks, and I see that Sports Nutz has some denver broncos gear. Being the nice guy that I am, I notice that one of the shirts looks pretty neat, and after spending about 25 minutes talking myself into it, grab the shirt off the rack in her size and walk to the counter to buy said t-shirt. I’m standing there, the guy is calculating the discount (apparently it was 15% off NFL stuff that weekend), and he looks up at me as I hand my card over, and …

(store clerk) sir, are you ok?
(steve) (a very unhealthy shade of passed-out white)
(steve) (not responding)
(store clerk) sir? sir?
(steve) huh? what?
(store clerk) are you ok? You don’t look so good.
(steve) yeah, I’m ok, but look at what I’m buying! Would you feel good buying this f*cking sh*t?
(store clerk) (doesn’t have a comeback …)

The lesson? In the words of Homer Simpson, “aw, the denver broncos!?!?”).

* Late walk in. I didn’t get to my seat until the pregame stuff had already begun.

* On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “worst two minute of my life” bad, and 10 being “threesome with two hot blondes!” awesome, KC Wolf’s sketch was a negative 50. He didn’t even try this week. I mean, it’s one thing to mail it in for the Cardinals or 49ers. But the raiders? Sorry. I expect better than the worn-out “two raiders fans wander in waving their flag / Wolf rides in on strategically places ATV and jumps on their fans” routine. At least make it like the denver sketch was, and put a raiders fan in an al davis jump suit or something.

* Could not tell you who performed the Anthem, some local band … but they got every word right. Thank you Eli Young Band, for moving the acceptability performance of the National Anthem from “Whitney Houston at the Super Bowl” awesome down to “Hey, he didn’t f*ck up the words!” mediocre.

* Gary sighting! First time this year. Turns out he’d had open heart surgery this summer, and this was the first game he was cleared to attend. Godd*mmit, what is it with health issues in 132 this year? Really good to see him back where he belongs.

* Not a whole lot to say about the game. Yes, we stunk up the joint. But as I texted to multiple people, “I’d rather f*ck up this week than next week”. My biggest issue was with the offensive play calling. The raiders front seven was killing Cassel, because every pass was a seven step drop, and our line couldn’t hold. So why not adapt, go to a 3 step drop, short passing game?

Look it, I know some folks aren’t thrilled that Chuck Weis is leaving. I’m not one of you. His game plans frustrate the living hell out of me. He always over-compensates to either the run or the pass. His adjustments are pathetic at best. I thank him for a great season … but let’s be honest. How many games this year can you point to and say “yup, the offense was unstoppable today!” I can think of five (out of 16), and three of the five are only for a half:

* 2nd half vs 49ers.
* entire game at Texans.
* 2nd half at broncos.
* entire game at Seahawks.
* 1st half vs Titans.

If Florida wants him, let them have him. The only thing that kind of scares me about this, though, is that this is the 2nd “competent” offensive coordinator to leave town in two years. I love Chan Gailey. Chuck Weis frustrated me, but he’s a solid offensive mind. At some point, “competent” offensive coordinators are going to look at this job and take a pass if we keep the turnover rate at where it is (2 in 2 years).

* Best play of the game: our sole touchdown. Cassel completely recognized the raiders defense, knew they were blitzing, and audibled to an offtackle left to Charles. Touchdown. Brilliant recognition of the situation.

* Postgame, not much to report. Hung around for a while for the parking lots to clear out. Enjoyed a screwdriver or three. And then, off to the postgame party.

* Which saw the Colts steal the three seed, the tebows fall just short in denver, and … the return of the raiders fans from that morning. After plowing through a couple bottles of wine, it was off to Wild Wings for the Sunday nighter … with said raiders fans.

And I gotta admit, it was fun as hell. For starters, nobody would let me pay for my drinks, since it was my birthday. (Note to self: have birthdays more often!) Secondly, I only know of two people who had Seattle on Sunday night: me … and Rudy, one of the raiders fans. I only had them in a friendly wager with my brother. Rudy had them to the tune of “15:1 odds of winning the NFC West” on a $100 ticket.

* After a healthy number of vodka tonics, and with Seattle salting away the win with the late field goal, it was off for home. Normally, after a day like Sunday, this is where I call in to the boss, start fake-coughing, claim illness, and take the sick day. Thankfully, “Company Steve Works For” designated my birthday as a holiday! I knew I liked these guys. (Actually, we got January 3rd as our New Year’s holiday. But still, having my birthday off! As an accountant, that NEVER happens. I’m always swamped with month / quarter / year end on my birthday. Not this year!)

* The birthday itself was a happy, absolute blow-off Monday. Thanks to everyone for the happy wishes on Facebook, they’re always appreciated. Also, thanks to ESPN Classic, for replaying the greatest bowl game of all time in the 1pm to 3pm slot on Monday: Nebraska 24, Miami 17, 1995 Orange Bowl. I had a great lunch at Arthur Bryant’s, had a nice nap after Dr. Tom’s first national championship game concluded, and then had a great evening out with a couple friends and some family for some drinks and dinner.

* So … are you ready for Sunday? If you aren’t, can I check your pulse? Verify you’re still breathing? Because God knows I’m fired up. If you’re coming Sunday and need a tailgate to enjoy, as always, you are more than welcome to join our crew. But things are gonna be a little bit different, so be warned. Ray, the guy who sits in front of us, is from Wisconsin. And in true Wisconsin fashion, when a big, blessed event comes … you gotta do a fish fry. Which is what we’re doing Sunday. Not sure if we’re tailgating in our usual spot in the back of Lot G, or tailgating down in his usual spot in the front of Lot G … but we’ll be there. Enjoying some deep fried fish, some potato cakes, a healthy helping of adult beverages … and hopefully, the Chiefs first playoff win since I was a junior in high school. (I turned 34 yesterday; you can do the math on that one. It’s been a while). I know a few loyal readers have asked what our plans are for Sunday, so there you go.

I hope to post a “what I’d do to beat the Ravens” breakdown later this week, and the wildcard round picks will be up by Friday. But until then, my final thoughts on the Chiefs season that was, is somewhat perfectly summed up with the opening song to this recap. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. From that magical Monday nighter, screaming our lungs out in a monsoon … to Championship Sunday last week, when the Chiefs won this division … it was just amazing. And we have the opportunity to take the amazing, to the incredible. Beginning Sunday. We’re in the tournament. Now it’s time to win this damned thing!