Brian Boitano would be proud.
Last night, Evan Lysacek became the first non-Russian to win the men's figure skating gold medal since ... Brian Boitano, in Calgary 22 years ago.
Between the Olympics, college hoops, two tremendous NBA showdowns between four championship contenders, and an epic "Survivor" tribal council, its a wonder I'm functioning today. But anyways, here's Friday's Findings:
* the thing I loved the most about Evan's gold medal winning performance? The fist pumps at the end. When he knew he'd nailed the performance, and is there at center ice, doing the double fist pump and shouting "yes! yes! yes!" Like me after a great Chiefs play. I love it.
* men's curling falls to 0-4. On the bright side, the sooner they're eliminated, the sooner they can have some fun with that 14-1 ratio of condoms to athletes.
* the morning after, and the BuKCs deals yesterday look even better than they did at the time. GM John Hammond did a tremendous job yesterday, picking up a solid starting two in Salmons, importing a decent defender in Ivey, and gaining not one, not two, but three! second round picks over the next three years. In addition, the BuKCs can swap firsts with Chicago this year if the Bulls pick is outside the top 10. Solid, solid effort.
And yeah, I know, you don't build in the NBA with second round picks, but at least now the BuKCs have ammunition to trade up in round one over the next three years (or trade back into the bottom of round one) thanks to having six second round selections.
* The 'Cuse holds off Georgetown. Always a good thing to sweep your hated rival.
* Intriguing night on the bubble. Minnesota stopped the bleeding and got a huge blowout win over co-leader Wisconsin. Marquette embarrassed themselves in a humbling loss at home to Pitt. Mississippi choked at home against Vanderbilt. Florida got a win it needed over Auburn. Cal got rolled by Oregon State. The next three weeks are gonna be entertaining. I just hope the Selection Committee sees these power six schools sh*tting all over themselves, and decides "you know what, we're better off taking a top two school from a mid major conference, than we are taking a team that finished 8th in the SEC".
* Huge weekend of college hoops upcoming. Its Bracket Buster weekend on the ESPN Family of Networks. Again, Selection Committee, please: the teams getting their shot at national exposure this weekend are FAR better selections than the 9th place finisher in the Big East. NOBODY outside of Cincinnati wants to see a 18-13 Bearcats team get in over a 25-7 Wichita State team or a 30 win Cornell team that nearly beat KU in Lawrence and is running away with the Ivy League.
* Best games / most intriguing games / games I just want to watch:
Colorado at KU (3pm Saturday, 38 the Spot). Guess its time to dust off the "Picture Quality on 38 the Spot Sucks" Facebook page. KU hasn't looked great at home against two doormats (Nebraska, Iowa State) the last couple weeks. And they needed overtime to win in Boulder last month. With a backloaded difficult closing stretch (at OSU / vs KSU / at MU) awaiting the next two weeks, I'd like to see the Hawks jump out to a 20 point lead at halftime and win something like 90-55.
Tennessee at South Carolina (12:30 Saturday, no local TV). South Carolina needs this win. Badly. Especially coming off the proverbial "crapping the pants" defeat at Arkansas earlier this week.
Baylor at Oklahoma State (12:30 Saturday, 38 the Spot). Oklahoma State needs this win. Badly. They were the last team in on Bracketology this week.
UNC at Boston College (11am Saturday, CBS). Can UNC inch one step closer to arguably the most humiliating, pathetic, sh*t-tacular title defense in history? God I hope so. Go Eagles Go!
Florida at Mississippi (11am Saturday, no local TV). Potential play-in game?
Xavier at Charlotte (1pm Saturday, no local TV). Big A10 game between two solid contenders for the tournament.
Missouri at Nebraska (5pm Saturday, Metro Sports). Tigers House of Horrors. They can't afford to screw up the three "easy" games left, and this is one of them.
Villanova at Pitt (11am Sunday, CBS). Rematch of one of the best Regional Finals in history. Possible Big East championship on the line as well.
* Two tremendous NBA games last night. Boston holds off LA in Staples. I know the Lakers were Kobe-less, but the Celtics needed this game, if only to prove to themselves that they still have the talent to beat anyone on any given night. Could be a win that rights the ship, so to speak. And the Nuggets / Cavs, holy God. That is the NBA at its finest. That game (118-116 Nuggets in OT) is why I freaking love the NBA. LBJ had 43. Carmelo had 40, including a contested game winner from 20 feet as time expired. Give me a game with both teams well over 100 any day of the week over a 59-55 Big 10 (plus one) slugfest.
* The road to the playoffs is officially underway now for the BuKCs. 30 games left. Trailing Chicago by 1 1/2. The playoff odds at espn.com still have the BuKCs stealing the eight seed, but not by much. Games like tonight (at Detroit) are games the BuKCs simply have to win. You can't whiz away layup wins like the Pistons if you expect to be playing come "40 Games in 40 Nights" time.
* The new season of "Survivor" has been awesome so far. Last night's episode was really good. (If you haven't seen it yet, feel free to skip this paragraph). You open with Boston Rob of all people collapsing under the strain of stress and a killer flu epidemic. He was literally foaming at the mouth, he was so out of it. Fortunately, he recovered, and helped rally the Villains to win immunity again ... which led to an epic, absolutely epic, meltdown on the Heroes side with James and Stephenie trading verbal assaults all the way through the torch being snuffed out. If you checked out on "Survivor" a while ago (like I did), you might want to come back this season. Last year drew me back in, and this year's been even better. (You can catch up at cbs.com, or, considering you're only two episodes in, you really haven't missed much up to this point, so join early-stream).
* OK, time to deal with the Event of the Day, I guess. The Eldrick T. Woods presser.
My thought on this whole sordid affair is basically this:
Who cares?
Sure, as someone that despises Eldrick T. Woods, I'm kind of getting a high out of watching his world implode. But what exactly did Eldrick T. Woods do to deserve the public scorn, the backlash against him?
So he cheated on his wife with numerous women. OK. What concern is that of ours? I don't mean to belittle infidelity, which is certainly a serious thing. But isn't it a PRIVATE serious thing? Or at least it should be? Eldrick T. Woods didn't do one thing that millions of people aren't doing, and that any one of us wouldn't at least seriously contemplate doing if we were in his position.
Seriously, what did Eldrick T. Woods do that justifies apologizing to the paying public? He didn't kill someone while driving drunk and/or high (Donte Stallworth, Leonard Little). He didn't use illegal, banned substances and then lie before a Congressional grand jury (Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, to name a few). He didn't kill a teammate because of driving recklessly (Dany Heatley). He didn't beat his wife (Jim Brown). He didn't get arrested with over 340 lbs of weed in a truck he was driving (Nate Newton). He didn't get arrested for soliciting "self employed models", doing lines of coke, dropping the "Do You Know Who I Am" blast at cops, and most recently, face a multi-million dollar lawsuit for raping a chick (Michael Irvin). He didn't run an illegal gambling ring that resulted in the deaths of hundreds of pit bulls (Michael Vick). He didn't plow into a cop writing him a ticket (Randy Moss). All those athletes continue to earn a living in the sport that made them famous, and for the most part, the American public couldn't give a rat's ass. And yet EVERY SINGLE ONE of the incidents above is FAR worse in my book than getting going down on a cocktail waitress in a church parking lot.
Break the law, even on multiple occasions, and we the sports public forgive you. Cheat on your wife, and sorry pal, you don't deserve a second chance? Huh? What f*cked up sense of logic is that?
Again, I'm not attempting to paste over what Eldrick T. did. I personally think cheating is the most pathetic thing a person can do. It indicates a complete lack of self-control, and a complete disregard for your significant other. Its the most self-centered act a person can commit. But if the worst thing a guy does is cheat, I can live with that. Eldrick T. doesn't need to apologize to me. Or to anyone else not in his immediate family and circle of friends. That's why today's presser was so pointless. He's apologizing to people he doesn't need to apologize to.
The worst thing out of today though, is that he continues to come off as the self-centered egotistical arrogant prick I've always believed him to be. This presser wasn't about seeking forgiveness or getting back into the public's good graces. It was all about Eldrick T. Woods, his (still) completely out of control ego, and his belief that the world should (still) cater to his every wish and demand. "Leave my family out of this". Too late, Eldrick. You drug them into it with your "irresponsible and reckless behavior", to borrow your own words.
I hope for his wife and kid's sake, that whatever rehabilitation he is going through works. As a golf fan, I hope he comes back to the sport as good as he ever was, and the sooner the better.
(And I still want to know how someone can not be addicted to sex. The lingering question in the room, and nobody has an answer ...)
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
thursday's thoughts
Welcome to Lent! Ugh. This year, I'm giving up soda. No Diet Coke for me for the next 45 days. Yeah, I should be extremely pleasant to be around the next few weeks. With that in mind, let's hit Thursday's Thinkings ...
* everyone's favorite cheater, Eldrick T. Woods, is scheduled to address the media tomorrow. Of course, being Eldrick T., the single most self-centered person not named "Ben" to ever walk the planet, he will (a) only allow a select few media in, (b) will take no questions, and (c) will lie through his teeth about how "sorry he is" and how he "had an addiciton". (As a side note, and this bugs the living hell out of me, my side note is this: how can you possibly NOT be addicted to sex? How is that possible? Its not like taking an ecstacy pill and deciding "you know what, as fun as this is, I'm not sure this is for me". Seriously, how do you recover from a "sex addiction"? Do you no longer have sex? Do you limit yourself to a couple marathon sessions a month? Ban yourself from "reputable singles site" by using something like the 1-888-BETSOFF number bans problem gamblers from area casinos? Someone needs to explain this better. I admit I confuse easily, but seriously, how can someone NOT be addicted to sex? How is this possible?)
Honestly though, I'm glad Eldrick T. is (almost) back. Sports isn't as much fun unless you're rooting AGAINST someone, as well as for someone. I freaking hate Eldrick T. Woods with a passion. In case you didn't know.
* huge, huge, hu-yuge win in Columbia last night. Huge. If MU takes care of business in the games it should win (vs Colorado, at Nebraska, at Iowa State), they're in as at least a 6. Congrats to Mike Anderson and his squad for exceeding any reasonable expectation level. Dammit, I hate seeing rivals competently coached. I freaking hate it. Come back Quin! You're missed!
* Speaking of being missed, I'm already missing Ron Franklin, and its still four weeks until he retires. Rethink it Ron! Big XII hoops and football will never be the same without you!
* Horrid night for the bubble. Northwestern seriously screwed the pooch last night, losing to Big 10 (plus one) doormat Penn State. South Carolina got clocked in Fayetteville by a bad Arkansas team. Rhode Island lost to suddenly surging and intriguing St. Louis. Louisville barely followed up its huge win in the Dome on Sunday, doing its damndest to give the game to a undermanned Notre Dame squad before finally holding on in double overtime.
(The unsung note in this whole "will the A10 get six in" ... is "will the A10 get seven in"? Look at where St. Louis is (17-8 overall, 8-3, tied 3rd A10 standings). Look at their last 10 (7-3, W5, including W's over Rhode Island and Dayton), and they still host Xavier and Temple, in addition to a potential play-in finale at Dayton. Intriguing team to keep an eye on, especially if the power six conference bubble teams keep crapping all over themselves. And yes, I'm fully aware a mid-major conference ain't getting seven teams in. But certainly five is realistic, and six if, again, the power conference bubble teams keep tripping over themselves. Like with the Valley back in 2006, they got five in and it should have been six, Missouri State got raped by the committee. And of course, two Valley teams reached the Sweet 16 that year, proving once again that a solid mid-major team is almost always a better selection pick than an average power six team.)
* Big Bubble games tonight: Marquette hosting Pitt, a chance for a huge statement win for the Warriors. Minnesota hosting Wisconsin in a virtual must-win game. Florida hosting Auburn in the same situation, win or prepare to try to win four times in four days in the conference tourney. And not even God can figure out what games matter in the horrid Pac 10, but if Cal doesn't win the conference tourney, you have to figure they're the Pac 10's only shot for an at-large, so it might behoove the Bears to win tonight at Oregon State.
* No, I haven't forgotten everyone's favorite ongoing storyline. (OK, my favorite ongoing storyline) Will North Carolina qualify for the NIT!!! The Heels now sit at 14-12, 3-8 ACC following Tuesday's demolition in Atlanta to Georgia Tech. The Heels have to go 2-4 in their last six to reach the .500 qualification. They close at BC / vs FSU / at Wake / vs Miami / at Duke / ACC first round game. Realistically, you can write off roadies at Wake and Duke, they ain't winning those, especially at Duke on Senior Night for my boy Jon Scheyer. Florida State is in a dogfight for an at-large berth (19-7 overall, 7-5 conf), they'll give UNC all they can handle. And yes, BC is down, but they've knocked off Clemson at home, nearly beat Duke last weekend, and scared Wake and Virginia Tech on the road. Even the worst of teams should be able to handle Miami. I'll say they finish 2-3 at best, putting them at 16-15 entering the ACC tourney. They're looking at opening in the 8/9 or 7/10 game, likely against Virginia (currently 8th) or Georgia Tech (currently 7th). Carolina is 0-3 against those two teams this year. Dare we dream? That UNC isn't even good enough to qualify for the NIT?
* Speaking of everyone's favorite items ... Steve's Mancrush on Jon Scheyer everyone!!! Yeah, he whizzed on the court for 35 minutes last night, shooting only 3-15 overall, scoring 15 points. But -- but! -- he hit a huge, (bill raftery voice) ONIONS! three pointer with the score at 58-57 with a little under 6 to go, then drained another three right after that to push the lead to five. He then followed that up with a steal, and went 4 for 4 at the line down the stretch, to help close out Duke's escape in Miami. Its the "Sherron Collins" theory -- the good ones don't necessarily have a huge game every night, but they usually come through when it matters. Collins looked like dog crap for 37 minutes Monday night, and yet he took over down the stretch. (Side note: Bob Knight, sweet Jesus, what an idiot broadcaster. Openly questioning why KU was milking the clock, up three, with a minute left. Gee Bob, I can't imagine why you'd bleed the shot clock there. And poor Brent Musburger. He deserves much better than the General as his broadcasting partner.)
* I don't care what it cost. The Knicks HAD to make the McGrady deal. When every move you've made for 18 months has been with one stated goal in mind (have a sh*tload of cap room for free agency 2010), and the Rockets not only are willing to give you a $23 million expiring deal, but you can ALSO move the anvil-like contract of Jared Jeffries, you HAVE to do it. You HAVE to. You can't commit to a process and then wimp out four months early.
And yeah, I am fully aware that if LBJ doesn't come to New York, the entire plan is a failure, and there is no future in the immediate horizon. To which I say, so? The Knicks haven't had a future, or hope, or any reasonable playoff hopes, let alone championship hopes, since Jeff Van Gundy and Dave Checketts were calling the shots pre 9/11. The Knicks HAD to make this deal, even if it costs them essentially two first rounders, and three lottery picks. They HAD to do it.
* Best of luck to George Karl, the Nuggets coach now battling throat cancer. I've always liked Karl, dating back to his fun-as-hell Sonics teams in the mid 1990s. Here's hoping for the best George.
* Apparently pitchers and catchers reported in Surprise yesterday. Dusty tried to engage me in a Royals conversation at lunch, and I have to be honest: I couldn't identify four starters on this team. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have NEVER been less excited for a baseball season, than I am for this one.
* One correction from Tuesday: Seth Davis writes for si.com. He works for CBS, which owns sportsline.com. Got my .com's mixed up. Sorry about that.
* Team USA wins their opener against the Swiss. Norway today. Canada awaits Sunday in a big-time gut-check game. More appointment television.
* Curling is the most addictive sport on television. Put it this way -- you know its addicting when a certain former roommate and I are counting down the minutes to lunch, so we can duck out for an hour, head back to his place, and fire up the TV to watch curling.
* The men's figure skating Tuesday night was pretty damned impressive. The evil Russian Plushenko has a .55 point lead on the good American Even Lysacek entering tonight's finale, with plenty of drama on tap. (USA's Johnny Weir is in striking distance in 6th). Hopefully Evan takes the words of everyone's favorite Colorado residents to heart tonight:
"What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through!
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold,
He did two saucow's and a triple lutz
While wearing a blindfold!
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting Grizzley Bears
He used his magical firebreath
And saved the maidens fair ...
So what would Brian Boitano do
If he was here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two!!!
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!!!"
Kick an ass or two tonight guys. (And gals. Except for that Lindsey Jacobellis, she pisses me off for some reason. Showboating nobody. How about you actually win something before making a spectacle of yourself, ok?)
* Yes, I am way too into the Winter Olympics. But, I did manage to carve out a couple hours Tuesday night for ...
* Lost! My thoughts on the Locke-centric episode "The Substitute":
The Island story got better. Unlike last week's episode, there seemed to be a purpose to it this week. Plus we didn't waste 20 minutes debating the ethics of torture. Good God, they cannot wrap up the Sayid story soon enough. Just put a f*cking bullet in his brain and be done with it. We get it. He was supposed to die in the pool and he didn't. So finish the job already. Good grief, there (was? is?) a friggin nuclear bomb on the Island, you mean someone doesn't have a .45 available that can get the job done?
Frank Lapidus is just about the funniest character this show's ever developed. His jokes at the burial of Locke's corpse was hysterical. Ditto Ben's eulogy for Locke body. "Sorry I killed you". Classic.
We sure are seeing a lot of Rose this year. Considering she was a back story character for most of the first five seasons, I wonder if that means something ...
I don't think Smokey is the cave's owner. I think he's its co-owner. Notice all the games of chess and backgammon, the fact that there's a table with two chairs, and of course, the white and black rock on the scales of justice. You gotta figure he shared that place with Jacob. Having said that ...
I think the huge reveal, that the numbers do have a purpose, I believe Smokey / Fake Locke when he says that part of the cave was all Jacob. I also think Sawyer is running the con jobs of all con jobs on Fake Locke, when choosing the third option Fake Locke laid out. Sawyer doesn't want to go home. What is he going home to? A life of crime, on the run from the law? Its one reason why he was so willing to jump out of the Oceanus 6 helicopter and stay behind when the thing was tanking at the end of season 4. There's nothing in that life for him. The Island is his life.
Speaking of the numbers, I also liked how its still ambiguous. Notice Smokey / Fake Locke crossed out Locke (because he's dead). I also thought I saw him cross out Sayid (indicating he's gonzo soon, hopefully). But we don't know if 42 is Jin or Sun (or the most interesting theory I've heard, that its their kid), and 23 could be Jack ... but it could be Aaron or Claire, both of whom are from the Shephard line. Plus, Shephard = 23. Even the most non-religious among us know that Psalm 23 is "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want".
I also like how they're showing Sawyer's grief for Juliet. If I just lost the love of my life, I'd probably go on a whiskey bender and forget to put on my pants too. Wait, that's not true -- I'd go on a vodka bender, not whiskey. But I'd definitely forget my pants.
I still love the flash-sideways a helluva lot more than the on-Island stuff though. Everything about Locke's new reality won me over last night, right down to him picking up the phone, calling Jack on that one-in-a-million chance that maybe he could be healed ... and then deciding the 999,999 out of 1,000,000 odds were his reality. His destiny if you will, was to be in that chair. He knew it. Something in him told him not to change what didn't need to be changed.
Only fourteen hours of appointment television to go. And I gotta hand it to Team Darlton -- we wanted answers? We got 'em, at a shockingly fast pace. MIB = Fake Locke = smoke monster. Smokey is the one who's been appearing as the dead previous characters, to manipulates the Losties to do what he wants (i.e. as Alex to get Ben to kill Jacob, as Christian to get Locke to turn the wheel and stop the time travel). We find out what the numbers mean, or at least why they're important, what they stand for. We're getting both a (so far, completely unsatisfying) conclusion to Island life, and we're getting a (so far, completely captivating) look at what could have been. Season six so far gets the Steve Seal of Approval.
* Late breaking news -- the BuKCs have made a deal! John Salmons coming from Chicago to Milwaukee. BuKCs give up Hakim Warrick (thank God, I'm sick of cheering for that bastard) and Joe Alexander (a spectacular bust as the number eight pick two years ago). So we weaken the team we're chasing for the last playoff berth, strengthen ourselves, AND carve out some more room under the cap to ensure we don't enter luxury tax territory come July when the cap and tax go down again? Steve Seal of Approval.
* And another deal -- BuKCs send Jodie Meeks and filler to the 76ers for filler and a 2nd round pick. Basically, the BuKCs get a do-over, since Meeks was a 2nd rounder last year. So looking ahead, you have two key pieces in place for the next decade (C - Bogut, PG - Jennings). You have Redd's expiring contract that you can deal next spring. And now, you've got three picks in a pretty decent draft, two of them inside the top 40. I like the direction this is headed. (Especially if one of those picks turns into a certain 6'5" guard who happens to wear number 30 for the Blue Devils).
* A few other things I forgot to mention Tuesday, that either I remember now, or were pointed out to me:
Dick Button's priceless interview with Al Michaels. They haul footage out from the vault of Michaels and Button at Michaels' first Olympics, in 1972. Button sits patiently through the clip, and then drops the "even back then, your rug looked bad" blast at Al. Al was seething. I was rolling on the floor, trying to avoid whatever that thing on Al's head is. Seriously, Al. Give Joe Biden a call. He can put you in touch with a decent plug-ologist.
The new "We Are the World" is ... uuh ... trying to be respectful here ... its a gigantic pile of guano. Only Ace Ventura isn't out to save it. Look it, I appreciate the effort and the reasoning behind the remake, but why in the hell does Hollywood (or any industry for that matter) keep screwing with the classics? Why? I don't want a "We Are the World" without Lionel Richie opening, without Bruce and Ray Charles rocking out near the end, and without Dan Aykroyd somehow scoring a starring role!
And don't even get me started on this A-Team movie. Another original that can never, ever, EVER be topped. Although speaking of the A-Team, I was driving home from bowling last night, and landed on America Right (conservative talk show station) on the XM Radio. The dude's show that was on was Rusty Humphries, who I have never listened to a day in my life. But Rusty wasn't on. Oh no. In his place last night was the one, the only ... Howling Mad Murdock! Yup, THE Dwight Schultz was guest hosting. And I gotta admit, he was pretty damned entertaining. I think we can put Dwight in the rare 8.5% of conservatives who actually believe what they vote, as opposed to the 91.5% that vote and talk and act conservative because some shyster behind a pulpit told them to do it.
(And yes, I listen to conservative talk radio. For three reasons. One, its entertaining as hell. Two, you can't have your own beliefs reinforced unless they're challenged. And three, I'm not completely off the reservation, there are some issues I lean to the right on.)
Well hell, now that I'm off into politics, its been a week since I offended anyone, so ...
* Joe Biden vs Dick Cheney! Poor Dick. The world has passed him by, he has zero credibility to anyone with a functioning brain, yet he still thinks he's relevant and has a point to make. Dick, pal, take it from me. You don't. Sure, Biden is the class clown, but that makes Cheney the class's arrogant prick that raises his hand for every question whether he knows the answer or not. Everyone loves the clown, even if he's a little off. Nobody loves that guy who always butts in.
* I had to laugh at the Politico article that noted "for the most part, Democrats seem content to tie Republicans to (Dick) Cheney ..." Really? Its about time someone at the DNC uses the brains God gave them.
* KCMO should absolutely close half of its schools, as proposed by whoever the hell is the latest in the rotating door of superintendents. The Star is dead on accurate (for once) on this issue. Forget the fact that the KCMO school district is a national joke, that other than "I can't afford to live anywhere else", there is no valid reason to send your kids to a KCMO school, and even ignore the ridiculous program schools the district offers that ultimately do nothing to prepare a kid for the real world. The bottom line is that district enrollment is down nearly 50% in the last 15 years. Those kids ain't coming back until you completely overhaul your failed system. Getting rid of the worst performing teachers, and shutting down the poorest performing schools, is a damned good place to start.
(And yes, I am strongly pro-NEA ... but at some point, enough is enough. We've all had teachers that had zero, zip, nada business being in the teaching profession. I recall one my junior year of high school, our English teacher, who admitted on day one that he was "dyslexic", that he "wasn't a disciplinarian", and that he "wanted to be friends" with his students. Oh, and from the "not even Steve can make this sh*t up" department -- he somehow got a stick rammed into his eye ... and didn't seek medical attention for it, because he believed that Jesus would heal him. Needless to say, that guy didn't last the year. Nor should he have. I mean seriously, a dyslexic person teaching junior English? How the hell does that happen? To say nothing of letting your eye rot from a stick poke. And yes, you're damned right we pranked the guy pretending to be from the American Dyslexic Society. How Jasson kept a straight face on that phone call I will never know. Oh, and we also always said his name backwards in honor of his disability. Mot Kcived. Oh my, am I spending a sh*t ton of time in pergatory someday ...)
* School decisions closer to home for me, the Hickman Mills district (which I live in) is closing one of the two high schools. In this case though, its a tough, tough call. On the one hand, Hickman Mills High is new, modern, has better facilities, yada yada yada. On the other hand, Ruskin has the history, and the sports complex. Flip a coin, I'm not sure there's a right or wrong decision to be made there.
* So a plane crashes into the IRS building in Austin, and authorities think it was intentional? No ...
* Bowling update: the irritating, annoying, grumpy old dude who wakes up pissed off at the world and goes downhill from there? He quit the league! So the fun quotient just went up by 3.44%! team tito split its games last night, taking game 2 and overall pin count. We're solidly in 8th place, solidly buried 13 games under .500. On the bright side, nobody has tossed a bowling ball in anger at a fellow teammate in two months, so we've got that going for us.
* dingy!
* finally, I'm a sucker for a good mind-boggling story, and msnbc.com had one this morning. There are approximately 7,000 athletes in the Olympic villages. Canadian authorities pre-ordered 100,000 condoms for the athletes, an astonishing nearly 14-1 ratio. That's insane enough. What more nuts ... is that there's an additional 20,000 condoms ready to be shipped in "in case they're needed". Holy Lord. I so missed my calling in life. I can be a curler! Pick me! Pick me! I swear, I can totally aim the rock and take it to the house ...
* everyone's favorite cheater, Eldrick T. Woods, is scheduled to address the media tomorrow. Of course, being Eldrick T., the single most self-centered person not named "Ben" to ever walk the planet, he will (a) only allow a select few media in, (b) will take no questions, and (c) will lie through his teeth about how "sorry he is" and how he "had an addiciton". (As a side note, and this bugs the living hell out of me, my side note is this: how can you possibly NOT be addicted to sex? How is that possible? Its not like taking an ecstacy pill and deciding "you know what, as fun as this is, I'm not sure this is for me". Seriously, how do you recover from a "sex addiction"? Do you no longer have sex? Do you limit yourself to a couple marathon sessions a month? Ban yourself from "reputable singles site" by using something like the 1-888-BETSOFF number bans problem gamblers from area casinos? Someone needs to explain this better. I admit I confuse easily, but seriously, how can someone NOT be addicted to sex? How is this possible?)
Honestly though, I'm glad Eldrick T. is (almost) back. Sports isn't as much fun unless you're rooting AGAINST someone, as well as for someone. I freaking hate Eldrick T. Woods with a passion. In case you didn't know.
* huge, huge, hu-yuge win in Columbia last night. Huge. If MU takes care of business in the games it should win (vs Colorado, at Nebraska, at Iowa State), they're in as at least a 6. Congrats to Mike Anderson and his squad for exceeding any reasonable expectation level. Dammit, I hate seeing rivals competently coached. I freaking hate it. Come back Quin! You're missed!
* Speaking of being missed, I'm already missing Ron Franklin, and its still four weeks until he retires. Rethink it Ron! Big XII hoops and football will never be the same without you!
* Horrid night for the bubble. Northwestern seriously screwed the pooch last night, losing to Big 10 (plus one) doormat Penn State. South Carolina got clocked in Fayetteville by a bad Arkansas team. Rhode Island lost to suddenly surging and intriguing St. Louis. Louisville barely followed up its huge win in the Dome on Sunday, doing its damndest to give the game to a undermanned Notre Dame squad before finally holding on in double overtime.
(The unsung note in this whole "will the A10 get six in" ... is "will the A10 get seven in"? Look at where St. Louis is (17-8 overall, 8-3, tied 3rd A10 standings). Look at their last 10 (7-3, W5, including W's over Rhode Island and Dayton), and they still host Xavier and Temple, in addition to a potential play-in finale at Dayton. Intriguing team to keep an eye on, especially if the power six conference bubble teams keep crapping all over themselves. And yes, I'm fully aware a mid-major conference ain't getting seven teams in. But certainly five is realistic, and six if, again, the power conference bubble teams keep tripping over themselves. Like with the Valley back in 2006, they got five in and it should have been six, Missouri State got raped by the committee. And of course, two Valley teams reached the Sweet 16 that year, proving once again that a solid mid-major team is almost always a better selection pick than an average power six team.)
* Big Bubble games tonight: Marquette hosting Pitt, a chance for a huge statement win for the Warriors. Minnesota hosting Wisconsin in a virtual must-win game. Florida hosting Auburn in the same situation, win or prepare to try to win four times in four days in the conference tourney. And not even God can figure out what games matter in the horrid Pac 10, but if Cal doesn't win the conference tourney, you have to figure they're the Pac 10's only shot for an at-large, so it might behoove the Bears to win tonight at Oregon State.
* No, I haven't forgotten everyone's favorite ongoing storyline. (OK, my favorite ongoing storyline) Will North Carolina qualify for the NIT!!! The Heels now sit at 14-12, 3-8 ACC following Tuesday's demolition in Atlanta to Georgia Tech. The Heels have to go 2-4 in their last six to reach the .500 qualification. They close at BC / vs FSU / at Wake / vs Miami / at Duke / ACC first round game. Realistically, you can write off roadies at Wake and Duke, they ain't winning those, especially at Duke on Senior Night for my boy Jon Scheyer. Florida State is in a dogfight for an at-large berth (19-7 overall, 7-5 conf), they'll give UNC all they can handle. And yes, BC is down, but they've knocked off Clemson at home, nearly beat Duke last weekend, and scared Wake and Virginia Tech on the road. Even the worst of teams should be able to handle Miami. I'll say they finish 2-3 at best, putting them at 16-15 entering the ACC tourney. They're looking at opening in the 8/9 or 7/10 game, likely against Virginia (currently 8th) or Georgia Tech (currently 7th). Carolina is 0-3 against those two teams this year. Dare we dream? That UNC isn't even good enough to qualify for the NIT?
* Speaking of everyone's favorite items ... Steve's Mancrush on Jon Scheyer everyone!!! Yeah, he whizzed on the court for 35 minutes last night, shooting only 3-15 overall, scoring 15 points. But -- but! -- he hit a huge, (bill raftery voice) ONIONS! three pointer with the score at 58-57 with a little under 6 to go, then drained another three right after that to push the lead to five. He then followed that up with a steal, and went 4 for 4 at the line down the stretch, to help close out Duke's escape in Miami. Its the "Sherron Collins" theory -- the good ones don't necessarily have a huge game every night, but they usually come through when it matters. Collins looked like dog crap for 37 minutes Monday night, and yet he took over down the stretch. (Side note: Bob Knight, sweet Jesus, what an idiot broadcaster. Openly questioning why KU was milking the clock, up three, with a minute left. Gee Bob, I can't imagine why you'd bleed the shot clock there. And poor Brent Musburger. He deserves much better than the General as his broadcasting partner.)
* I don't care what it cost. The Knicks HAD to make the McGrady deal. When every move you've made for 18 months has been with one stated goal in mind (have a sh*tload of cap room for free agency 2010), and the Rockets not only are willing to give you a $23 million expiring deal, but you can ALSO move the anvil-like contract of Jared Jeffries, you HAVE to do it. You HAVE to. You can't commit to a process and then wimp out four months early.
And yeah, I am fully aware that if LBJ doesn't come to New York, the entire plan is a failure, and there is no future in the immediate horizon. To which I say, so? The Knicks haven't had a future, or hope, or any reasonable playoff hopes, let alone championship hopes, since Jeff Van Gundy and Dave Checketts were calling the shots pre 9/11. The Knicks HAD to make this deal, even if it costs them essentially two first rounders, and three lottery picks. They HAD to do it.
* Best of luck to George Karl, the Nuggets coach now battling throat cancer. I've always liked Karl, dating back to his fun-as-hell Sonics teams in the mid 1990s. Here's hoping for the best George.
* Apparently pitchers and catchers reported in Surprise yesterday. Dusty tried to engage me in a Royals conversation at lunch, and I have to be honest: I couldn't identify four starters on this team. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have NEVER been less excited for a baseball season, than I am for this one.
* One correction from Tuesday: Seth Davis writes for si.com. He works for CBS, which owns sportsline.com. Got my .com's mixed up. Sorry about that.
* Team USA wins their opener against the Swiss. Norway today. Canada awaits Sunday in a big-time gut-check game. More appointment television.
* Curling is the most addictive sport on television. Put it this way -- you know its addicting when a certain former roommate and I are counting down the minutes to lunch, so we can duck out for an hour, head back to his place, and fire up the TV to watch curling.
* The men's figure skating Tuesday night was pretty damned impressive. The evil Russian Plushenko has a .55 point lead on the good American Even Lysacek entering tonight's finale, with plenty of drama on tap. (USA's Johnny Weir is in striking distance in 6th). Hopefully Evan takes the words of everyone's favorite Colorado residents to heart tonight:
"What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through!
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold,
He did two saucow's and a triple lutz
While wearing a blindfold!
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting Grizzley Bears
He used his magical firebreath
And saved the maidens fair ...
So what would Brian Boitano do
If he was here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two!!!
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!!!"
Kick an ass or two tonight guys. (And gals. Except for that Lindsey Jacobellis, she pisses me off for some reason. Showboating nobody. How about you actually win something before making a spectacle of yourself, ok?)
* Yes, I am way too into the Winter Olympics. But, I did manage to carve out a couple hours Tuesday night for ...
* Lost! My thoughts on the Locke-centric episode "The Substitute":
The Island story got better. Unlike last week's episode, there seemed to be a purpose to it this week. Plus we didn't waste 20 minutes debating the ethics of torture. Good God, they cannot wrap up the Sayid story soon enough. Just put a f*cking bullet in his brain and be done with it. We get it. He was supposed to die in the pool and he didn't. So finish the job already. Good grief, there (was? is?) a friggin nuclear bomb on the Island, you mean someone doesn't have a .45 available that can get the job done?
Frank Lapidus is just about the funniest character this show's ever developed. His jokes at the burial of Locke's corpse was hysterical. Ditto Ben's eulogy for Locke body. "Sorry I killed you". Classic.
We sure are seeing a lot of Rose this year. Considering she was a back story character for most of the first five seasons, I wonder if that means something ...
I don't think Smokey is the cave's owner. I think he's its co-owner. Notice all the games of chess and backgammon, the fact that there's a table with two chairs, and of course, the white and black rock on the scales of justice. You gotta figure he shared that place with Jacob. Having said that ...
I think the huge reveal, that the numbers do have a purpose, I believe Smokey / Fake Locke when he says that part of the cave was all Jacob. I also think Sawyer is running the con jobs of all con jobs on Fake Locke, when choosing the third option Fake Locke laid out. Sawyer doesn't want to go home. What is he going home to? A life of crime, on the run from the law? Its one reason why he was so willing to jump out of the Oceanus 6 helicopter and stay behind when the thing was tanking at the end of season 4. There's nothing in that life for him. The Island is his life.
Speaking of the numbers, I also liked how its still ambiguous. Notice Smokey / Fake Locke crossed out Locke (because he's dead). I also thought I saw him cross out Sayid (indicating he's gonzo soon, hopefully). But we don't know if 42 is Jin or Sun (or the most interesting theory I've heard, that its their kid), and 23 could be Jack ... but it could be Aaron or Claire, both of whom are from the Shephard line. Plus, Shephard = 23. Even the most non-religious among us know that Psalm 23 is "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want".
I also like how they're showing Sawyer's grief for Juliet. If I just lost the love of my life, I'd probably go on a whiskey bender and forget to put on my pants too. Wait, that's not true -- I'd go on a vodka bender, not whiskey. But I'd definitely forget my pants.
I still love the flash-sideways a helluva lot more than the on-Island stuff though. Everything about Locke's new reality won me over last night, right down to him picking up the phone, calling Jack on that one-in-a-million chance that maybe he could be healed ... and then deciding the 999,999 out of 1,000,000 odds were his reality. His destiny if you will, was to be in that chair. He knew it. Something in him told him not to change what didn't need to be changed.
Only fourteen hours of appointment television to go. And I gotta hand it to Team Darlton -- we wanted answers? We got 'em, at a shockingly fast pace. MIB = Fake Locke = smoke monster. Smokey is the one who's been appearing as the dead previous characters, to manipulates the Losties to do what he wants (i.e. as Alex to get Ben to kill Jacob, as Christian to get Locke to turn the wheel and stop the time travel). We find out what the numbers mean, or at least why they're important, what they stand for. We're getting both a (so far, completely unsatisfying) conclusion to Island life, and we're getting a (so far, completely captivating) look at what could have been. Season six so far gets the Steve Seal of Approval.
* Late breaking news -- the BuKCs have made a deal! John Salmons coming from Chicago to Milwaukee. BuKCs give up Hakim Warrick (thank God, I'm sick of cheering for that bastard) and Joe Alexander (a spectacular bust as the number eight pick two years ago). So we weaken the team we're chasing for the last playoff berth, strengthen ourselves, AND carve out some more room under the cap to ensure we don't enter luxury tax territory come July when the cap and tax go down again? Steve Seal of Approval.
* And another deal -- BuKCs send Jodie Meeks and filler to the 76ers for filler and a 2nd round pick. Basically, the BuKCs get a do-over, since Meeks was a 2nd rounder last year. So looking ahead, you have two key pieces in place for the next decade (C - Bogut, PG - Jennings). You have Redd's expiring contract that you can deal next spring. And now, you've got three picks in a pretty decent draft, two of them inside the top 40. I like the direction this is headed. (Especially if one of those picks turns into a certain 6'5" guard who happens to wear number 30 for the Blue Devils).
* A few other things I forgot to mention Tuesday, that either I remember now, or were pointed out to me:
Dick Button's priceless interview with Al Michaels. They haul footage out from the vault of Michaels and Button at Michaels' first Olympics, in 1972. Button sits patiently through the clip, and then drops the "even back then, your rug looked bad" blast at Al. Al was seething. I was rolling on the floor, trying to avoid whatever that thing on Al's head is. Seriously, Al. Give Joe Biden a call. He can put you in touch with a decent plug-ologist.
The new "We Are the World" is ... uuh ... trying to be respectful here ... its a gigantic pile of guano. Only Ace Ventura isn't out to save it. Look it, I appreciate the effort and the reasoning behind the remake, but why in the hell does Hollywood (or any industry for that matter) keep screwing with the classics? Why? I don't want a "We Are the World" without Lionel Richie opening, without Bruce and Ray Charles rocking out near the end, and without Dan Aykroyd somehow scoring a starring role!
And don't even get me started on this A-Team movie. Another original that can never, ever, EVER be topped. Although speaking of the A-Team, I was driving home from bowling last night, and landed on America Right (conservative talk show station) on the XM Radio. The dude's show that was on was Rusty Humphries, who I have never listened to a day in my life. But Rusty wasn't on. Oh no. In his place last night was the one, the only ... Howling Mad Murdock! Yup, THE Dwight Schultz was guest hosting. And I gotta admit, he was pretty damned entertaining. I think we can put Dwight in the rare 8.5% of conservatives who actually believe what they vote, as opposed to the 91.5% that vote and talk and act conservative because some shyster behind a pulpit told them to do it.
(And yes, I listen to conservative talk radio. For three reasons. One, its entertaining as hell. Two, you can't have your own beliefs reinforced unless they're challenged. And three, I'm not completely off the reservation, there are some issues I lean to the right on.)
Well hell, now that I'm off into politics, its been a week since I offended anyone, so ...
* Joe Biden vs Dick Cheney! Poor Dick. The world has passed him by, he has zero credibility to anyone with a functioning brain, yet he still thinks he's relevant and has a point to make. Dick, pal, take it from me. You don't. Sure, Biden is the class clown, but that makes Cheney the class's arrogant prick that raises his hand for every question whether he knows the answer or not. Everyone loves the clown, even if he's a little off. Nobody loves that guy who always butts in.
* I had to laugh at the Politico article that noted "for the most part, Democrats seem content to tie Republicans to (Dick) Cheney ..." Really? Its about time someone at the DNC uses the brains God gave them.
* KCMO should absolutely close half of its schools, as proposed by whoever the hell is the latest in the rotating door of superintendents. The Star is dead on accurate (for once) on this issue. Forget the fact that the KCMO school district is a national joke, that other than "I can't afford to live anywhere else", there is no valid reason to send your kids to a KCMO school, and even ignore the ridiculous program schools the district offers that ultimately do nothing to prepare a kid for the real world. The bottom line is that district enrollment is down nearly 50% in the last 15 years. Those kids ain't coming back until you completely overhaul your failed system. Getting rid of the worst performing teachers, and shutting down the poorest performing schools, is a damned good place to start.
(And yes, I am strongly pro-NEA ... but at some point, enough is enough. We've all had teachers that had zero, zip, nada business being in the teaching profession. I recall one my junior year of high school, our English teacher, who admitted on day one that he was "dyslexic", that he "wasn't a disciplinarian", and that he "wanted to be friends" with his students. Oh, and from the "not even Steve can make this sh*t up" department -- he somehow got a stick rammed into his eye ... and didn't seek medical attention for it, because he believed that Jesus would heal him. Needless to say, that guy didn't last the year. Nor should he have. I mean seriously, a dyslexic person teaching junior English? How the hell does that happen? To say nothing of letting your eye rot from a stick poke. And yes, you're damned right we pranked the guy pretending to be from the American Dyslexic Society. How Jasson kept a straight face on that phone call I will never know. Oh, and we also always said his name backwards in honor of his disability. Mot Kcived. Oh my, am I spending a sh*t ton of time in pergatory someday ...)
* School decisions closer to home for me, the Hickman Mills district (which I live in) is closing one of the two high schools. In this case though, its a tough, tough call. On the one hand, Hickman Mills High is new, modern, has better facilities, yada yada yada. On the other hand, Ruskin has the history, and the sports complex. Flip a coin, I'm not sure there's a right or wrong decision to be made there.
* So a plane crashes into the IRS building in Austin, and authorities think it was intentional? No ...
* Bowling update: the irritating, annoying, grumpy old dude who wakes up pissed off at the world and goes downhill from there? He quit the league! So the fun quotient just went up by 3.44%! team tito split its games last night, taking game 2 and overall pin count. We're solidly in 8th place, solidly buried 13 games under .500. On the bright side, nobody has tossed a bowling ball in anger at a fellow teammate in two months, so we've got that going for us.
* dingy!
* finally, I'm a sucker for a good mind-boggling story, and msnbc.com had one this morning. There are approximately 7,000 athletes in the Olympic villages. Canadian authorities pre-ordered 100,000 condoms for the athletes, an astonishing nearly 14-1 ratio. That's insane enough. What more nuts ... is that there's an additional 20,000 condoms ready to be shipped in "in case they're needed". Holy Lord. I so missed my calling in life. I can be a curler! Pick me! Pick me! I swear, I can totally aim the rock and take it to the house ...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
scheyer, olympics, and "o canada ..."
What a weekend! Between (arguably) the worst Daytona 500 I've ever watched, KU nearly crapping their pants in College Station last night, and my brother's neighbor plowing into my car during the blizzard like conditions on Sunday afternoon, I can honestly say, (peter griffin after suffering his stroke voice) I've had better days Lois. I've had better days.
Still, there's a lot to ramble about, beginning with:
* Jon Scheyer! Holy God, if my mancrush on this kid gets any bigger, I might fit right in on the Duke campus. (ka boom boom ching!) Its probably not healthy to have an obsession with a 6'5" white guy who plays for Duke, but oh well, it is what it is. He had a monster game Saturday against Maryland, launching Duke two clear of the ACC field with 5 to go. I like their chances at this point. The drive-to-the-bucket, then reverse-underneath-backhanded-layup while getting mugged, to all but end any Maryland hopes of a comeback, was one of the sickest, sweetest plays of the season so far.
I'm already drooling over the hopes Mr. Scheyer will be wearing number 30 for our Milwaukee BuKCs next year. He'd fill the Michael Redd role perfectly, at about 1/10th the cost. Let's make this happen, John Hammond.
* Tough, tough, uuh ... tough, loss for MU on Saturday. To trail all day, rally from down 5 with 1:06 to go and grab the lead with :43 to go (and it was an intentional foul on the Baylor kid. That's about as textbook a definition of intentional foul as you'll ever see. Not really going for the ball? check. Mugged player into stands? check. Head coach soils himself in frustration over legitimate call? check), to trail, then rally, only to see a friggin tip-in with 1.3 seconds to go derail the comeback. Tough. Still, if MU wins two of its big three (vs Texas, at KSU, vs KU), they're in.
* KSU number six? Number six? I feel like that old chick in "Gone With the Wind" as Sherman's troops start raining cannonballs on Atlanta -- "Yankees in Georgia! How did they ever get here!?!?" KSU a top six program? Top four right now thanks to Villanova and Syracuse somehow losing at home to Big East also rans? Dear God. KSU hoops a legitimate, Final Four threat? Its been 22 years since that was reality, and nobody on this KSU team is even half as talented as Mitch Richmond was. (And while Frank Martin's done a great job this year, he ain't Lon Kruger).
* In the media mock bracket, I see Seth Davis of sportsline.com calls Tennessee "the scariest six seed in history". Uuh, Seth? I believe a six seed has won this damned thing before. 1988. Might want to check that out.
* Didn't catch a second of Saturday night's KU game. Sorry. You put Chuck Barkley on uncensored for an All Star competition, I'm tuning in. Speaking of which ...
* That was the sorriest NBA All Star Saturday Night I have ever watched. And I think the last one of those I missed was in 1982. Nate Robinson should be embarrassed to be the "Slam Dunk Champ". The entire contest was horrendous. The skills (excuse me, skillz), the Skillz Competition nearly bored me to sleep. The three point contest was ok, but if Paul Pierce is your champ, "sh*tty contestants" has to be the reason why.
* Also didn't catch much of KU on Monday night. I'll get into the reason why in a special segment below, entitled "The Single Coolest Thing I've Seen This Year by Someone Not Named Jon Scheyer".
* Sunday, spent the day at the brother's watching the Olympics, NASCAR, and a snowstorm that caused not one, not two, not even three ... wait, let me do this right.
(old school snl commercial voice)
(announcer) how many bowls of your old cereal do you think it would take to match the fiber content in Colon Blow?
(phil hartman) one?
(announcer) try again.
(phil hartman) two?
(announcer) I'll give you one more guess.
(phil hartman) three.
(announcer) not even close.
Yup, four friggin multi-car wrecks, and not just your three and four car pile-up variety. Actual scene at 3pm in my brother's family room:
(steve) (watching olympics)
(channel 41) (interrupts for special breaking news coverage)
(steve) dammit! Its just snow guys! This isn't channel 5! You don't go away from the Olympics for a f*cking snow flake!
(channel 41 reporter) we want to take you live to I-70 ...
(steve) holy crap! There's like, 50 cars in that wreck! Sweet!
Of course, once my car got a hole the size of a fist punched in its front bumper, I wasn't as "sweet!" as when it was someone else's car. But still. Its not every day you see four wrecks on the same day involving almost 130 cars between the four of them.
* The opening ceremony was pretty neat. Not nearly as jaw-droppingly impressive as Beijing, but there were two moments I loved. First, the chick who did "O Canada". I can't imagine the pressure on that girl. To nail it, I mean nail it, at 16 years of age? With the world watching? (bill raftery voice) Grapefruits!
The other musical choices, in a word: inspired. Sarah McLaughlin was en fuego. kd lang nailed "Hallelujah" out of the friggin stadium.
The other thing I liked was the torch malfunctioning. Uuh, three legs when there should be four = goof up. I felt bad for the parapalegic who didn't have a leg to light. (thank you, thank you. I'm here all week).
* That bi-athlon event was just crazy. I mean, to ski 5 kilometers overland, then have to load a rifle, hit 5 targets in a bullseye (or ski a penalty lap for each miss), then ski 5 more kilometers, then repeat the "hit the bullseye" deal, then ski 5 more kilometers to the finish? Even Al Trautwig sounded exhausted by the midpoint. I was tired just watching it. Like skiing in a freaking blizzard for 15 kilometers isn't enough of a workout, you gotta carry an air rifle on your back, and somehow compose yourself enough to hit the bullseye 10 different times! That's my kind of competition!
* Another event I loved yesterday, the downhill snowboard deal. Its like Mario Kart on a ski slope. Just awesome to watch, four snowboarders trying to avoid clipping each other, flying down a hill at 90mph. Yeah, that's safe. (And entertaining as hell!)
* The pairs skating. Again, if the mancrush on Scheyer didn't knock me into the (brian griffin voice) gay! category, my love of the figure skating probably will. Watching the Russians last night completely implode was beyond awesome. Seriously, if that chick had fallen down one more time, she might have cracked the ice. Didn't agree with the winners though. The first Chinese couple was flawless. The second pair, he damned near dropped her on the next to final lift. (Technically, he did drop her, but she at least landed on her feet). First Chinese couple should have won. The German pair was funny to watch too, their short program they came out in makeup and skated to clown music. The stuff you can't make up.
* Best choice of music though, to the pair from (I forget which) some former Soviet republic (I think it was Belarus) who came out and skated to the theme from "Love Story". Turns out, they're divorced. Nice. Love really does mean never having to say you're sorry, I guess.
* Speaking of saying you're sorry ... Al Michaels. Dear God, what is that thing on his head? In HD, you can almost hear it purring. You'd think someone as well connected as Al could find a decent plug-ologist for the hair. Hell, even Biden's head looked spectacular compared to Al's. (And Jill Biden, holy lord. If she's not the hottest Second Lady ever. 60 and she could pass for 35. Beautiful).
* Nice to see the Olympics are beneath Barry. Wouldn't want to show up to support the troops, would we Mr. President? Of course, considering the Olympic committee basically de-pantsed His Excellency in Copenhagen last year, I guess I understand why he didn't show.
Finally ...
* "The Single Coolest Thing I've Seen This Year by Someone Not Named Jon Scheyer":
Alex Bilodeux. The Canadian mogul skier who (finally) brought Canada gold on its home turf.
The actual victory run was awesome to watch on Sunday night. Its not often I root for a foreigner. I was completely behind this guy from the moment he made his first run. The last run, to vault him from also ran to the lead, just awesome, absolutely awesome, to watch. (To say nothing of Jonny Moseley having an orgasm on air during the run and the review. In Jonny's defense, I was digging the performance every bit as much as he was).
What was really, really cool though ... was the backstory of this guy presented on Monday, and then the medal ceremony. You know going in this ceremony is going to blow the roof off the building. NBC did a PHENOMENAL job setting this thing up. The backstory had me in tears (Alex's brother suffers from cerebral palsey, and after he fell in Torino four years ago, blowing a medal, the person most inspiring him to get up and keep trying, to go back to work, was said brother. Neat. Also, Sunday night after the gold medal run, the first person Alex charged the stands for was his brother. I got chills just watching it.)
So finally, the medal ceremony. Once you get past Bob Costas nearly blowing the moment by speaking way too much, once Bob finally shuts up and lets the ceremony take over, just watch Alex's face. Sure, listening to the crowd in the background, drowning out the music with "O Canada"'s lyrics, is pretty inspirational. But I'm a sucker for folks who live in the moment, people who aren't afraid to show emotion.
Watch Alex's face as the Canadian anthem sings along. The look on his face is everything that the Olympics are about. Just watch from his arrival (respectful, subdued), to receiving the medal (its beginning to sink in ...), to the start and first half of the Canadian anthem (the "holy sh*t I did it!" face creeps in), and then the finish (singing along with everyone else in pure joy).
The best moments are at the 4:52 mark (where the weight of the moment first shows up, the smile, then he starts to sing along, only he can't because he's fighting back the tears), the 5:07 mark (the self-knowing smile of accomplishing something greater than you ever could have dreamed possible, the single most underrated moment in sports in my rarely-humble opinion), and the 5:46 mark (where he stops singing, breaks into this huge, goofy ass grin, and just soaks the moment in.) And then of course, the collective orgasm of the crowd as the Anthem dies down. "O Canada! We stand on GUARD! (da da da da da) FOR! (da da da da da) THEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling you, I can't stop rewatching this thing. Its beyond captivating. It perfectly captures why I love sports so much.
I've always thought the single coolest medal ceremony ever was 1980 at Lake Placid, the US Men's hockey team. When Eruzione called up the entire team to stand on the podium with him, and somehow the entire damned team fit up there as 18,000 strong roared The Star Spangled Banner.
After last night, we've at least got a tie at the top of the Medal-o-Meter rankings. Job well done Alex.
(fist pump!) Job friggin well done!
Still, there's a lot to ramble about, beginning with:
* Jon Scheyer! Holy God, if my mancrush on this kid gets any bigger, I might fit right in on the Duke campus. (ka boom boom ching!) Its probably not healthy to have an obsession with a 6'5" white guy who plays for Duke, but oh well, it is what it is. He had a monster game Saturday against Maryland, launching Duke two clear of the ACC field with 5 to go. I like their chances at this point. The drive-to-the-bucket, then reverse-underneath-backhanded-layup while getting mugged, to all but end any Maryland hopes of a comeback, was one of the sickest, sweetest plays of the season so far.
I'm already drooling over the hopes Mr. Scheyer will be wearing number 30 for our Milwaukee BuKCs next year. He'd fill the Michael Redd role perfectly, at about 1/10th the cost. Let's make this happen, John Hammond.
* Tough, tough, uuh ... tough, loss for MU on Saturday. To trail all day, rally from down 5 with 1:06 to go and grab the lead with :43 to go (and it was an intentional foul on the Baylor kid. That's about as textbook a definition of intentional foul as you'll ever see. Not really going for the ball? check. Mugged player into stands? check. Head coach soils himself in frustration over legitimate call? check), to trail, then rally, only to see a friggin tip-in with 1.3 seconds to go derail the comeback. Tough. Still, if MU wins two of its big three (vs Texas, at KSU, vs KU), they're in.
* KSU number six? Number six? I feel like that old chick in "Gone With the Wind" as Sherman's troops start raining cannonballs on Atlanta -- "Yankees in Georgia! How did they ever get here!?!?" KSU a top six program? Top four right now thanks to Villanova and Syracuse somehow losing at home to Big East also rans? Dear God. KSU hoops a legitimate, Final Four threat? Its been 22 years since that was reality, and nobody on this KSU team is even half as talented as Mitch Richmond was. (And while Frank Martin's done a great job this year, he ain't Lon Kruger).
* In the media mock bracket, I see Seth Davis of sportsline.com calls Tennessee "the scariest six seed in history". Uuh, Seth? I believe a six seed has won this damned thing before. 1988. Might want to check that out.
* Didn't catch a second of Saturday night's KU game. Sorry. You put Chuck Barkley on uncensored for an All Star competition, I'm tuning in. Speaking of which ...
* That was the sorriest NBA All Star Saturday Night I have ever watched. And I think the last one of those I missed was in 1982. Nate Robinson should be embarrassed to be the "Slam Dunk Champ". The entire contest was horrendous. The skills (excuse me, skillz), the Skillz Competition nearly bored me to sleep. The three point contest was ok, but if Paul Pierce is your champ, "sh*tty contestants" has to be the reason why.
* Also didn't catch much of KU on Monday night. I'll get into the reason why in a special segment below, entitled "The Single Coolest Thing I've Seen This Year by Someone Not Named Jon Scheyer".
* Sunday, spent the day at the brother's watching the Olympics, NASCAR, and a snowstorm that caused not one, not two, not even three ... wait, let me do this right.
(old school snl commercial voice)
(announcer) how many bowls of your old cereal do you think it would take to match the fiber content in Colon Blow?
(phil hartman) one?
(announcer) try again.
(phil hartman) two?
(announcer) I'll give you one more guess.
(phil hartman) three.
(announcer) not even close.
Yup, four friggin multi-car wrecks, and not just your three and four car pile-up variety. Actual scene at 3pm in my brother's family room:
(steve) (watching olympics)
(channel 41) (interrupts for special breaking news coverage)
(steve) dammit! Its just snow guys! This isn't channel 5! You don't go away from the Olympics for a f*cking snow flake!
(channel 41 reporter) we want to take you live to I-70 ...
(steve) holy crap! There's like, 50 cars in that wreck! Sweet!
Of course, once my car got a hole the size of a fist punched in its front bumper, I wasn't as "sweet!" as when it was someone else's car. But still. Its not every day you see four wrecks on the same day involving almost 130 cars between the four of them.
* The opening ceremony was pretty neat. Not nearly as jaw-droppingly impressive as Beijing, but there were two moments I loved. First, the chick who did "O Canada". I can't imagine the pressure on that girl. To nail it, I mean nail it, at 16 years of age? With the world watching? (bill raftery voice) Grapefruits!
The other musical choices, in a word: inspired. Sarah McLaughlin was en fuego. kd lang nailed "Hallelujah" out of the friggin stadium.
The other thing I liked was the torch malfunctioning. Uuh, three legs when there should be four = goof up. I felt bad for the parapalegic who didn't have a leg to light. (thank you, thank you. I'm here all week).
* That bi-athlon event was just crazy. I mean, to ski 5 kilometers overland, then have to load a rifle, hit 5 targets in a bullseye (or ski a penalty lap for each miss), then ski 5 more kilometers, then repeat the "hit the bullseye" deal, then ski 5 more kilometers to the finish? Even Al Trautwig sounded exhausted by the midpoint. I was tired just watching it. Like skiing in a freaking blizzard for 15 kilometers isn't enough of a workout, you gotta carry an air rifle on your back, and somehow compose yourself enough to hit the bullseye 10 different times! That's my kind of competition!
* Another event I loved yesterday, the downhill snowboard deal. Its like Mario Kart on a ski slope. Just awesome to watch, four snowboarders trying to avoid clipping each other, flying down a hill at 90mph. Yeah, that's safe. (And entertaining as hell!)
* The pairs skating. Again, if the mancrush on Scheyer didn't knock me into the (brian griffin voice) gay! category, my love of the figure skating probably will. Watching the Russians last night completely implode was beyond awesome. Seriously, if that chick had fallen down one more time, she might have cracked the ice. Didn't agree with the winners though. The first Chinese couple was flawless. The second pair, he damned near dropped her on the next to final lift. (Technically, he did drop her, but she at least landed on her feet). First Chinese couple should have won. The German pair was funny to watch too, their short program they came out in makeup and skated to clown music. The stuff you can't make up.
* Best choice of music though, to the pair from (I forget which) some former Soviet republic (I think it was Belarus) who came out and skated to the theme from "Love Story". Turns out, they're divorced. Nice. Love really does mean never having to say you're sorry, I guess.
* Speaking of saying you're sorry ... Al Michaels. Dear God, what is that thing on his head? In HD, you can almost hear it purring. You'd think someone as well connected as Al could find a decent plug-ologist for the hair. Hell, even Biden's head looked spectacular compared to Al's. (And Jill Biden, holy lord. If she's not the hottest Second Lady ever. 60 and she could pass for 35. Beautiful).
* Nice to see the Olympics are beneath Barry. Wouldn't want to show up to support the troops, would we Mr. President? Of course, considering the Olympic committee basically de-pantsed His Excellency in Copenhagen last year, I guess I understand why he didn't show.
Finally ...
* "The Single Coolest Thing I've Seen This Year by Someone Not Named Jon Scheyer":
Alex Bilodeux. The Canadian mogul skier who (finally) brought Canada gold on its home turf.
The actual victory run was awesome to watch on Sunday night. Its not often I root for a foreigner. I was completely behind this guy from the moment he made his first run. The last run, to vault him from also ran to the lead, just awesome, absolutely awesome, to watch. (To say nothing of Jonny Moseley having an orgasm on air during the run and the review. In Jonny's defense, I was digging the performance every bit as much as he was).
What was really, really cool though ... was the backstory of this guy presented on Monday, and then the medal ceremony. You know going in this ceremony is going to blow the roof off the building. NBC did a PHENOMENAL job setting this thing up. The backstory had me in tears (Alex's brother suffers from cerebral palsey, and after he fell in Torino four years ago, blowing a medal, the person most inspiring him to get up and keep trying, to go back to work, was said brother. Neat. Also, Sunday night after the gold medal run, the first person Alex charged the stands for was his brother. I got chills just watching it.)
So finally, the medal ceremony. Once you get past Bob Costas nearly blowing the moment by speaking way too much, once Bob finally shuts up and lets the ceremony take over, just watch Alex's face. Sure, listening to the crowd in the background, drowning out the music with "O Canada"'s lyrics, is pretty inspirational. But I'm a sucker for folks who live in the moment, people who aren't afraid to show emotion.
Watch Alex's face as the Canadian anthem sings along. The look on his face is everything that the Olympics are about. Just watch from his arrival (respectful, subdued), to receiving the medal (its beginning to sink in ...), to the start and first half of the Canadian anthem (the "holy sh*t I did it!" face creeps in), and then the finish (singing along with everyone else in pure joy).
The best moments are at the 4:52 mark (where the weight of the moment first shows up, the smile, then he starts to sing along, only he can't because he's fighting back the tears), the 5:07 mark (the self-knowing smile of accomplishing something greater than you ever could have dreamed possible, the single most underrated moment in sports in my rarely-humble opinion), and the 5:46 mark (where he stops singing, breaks into this huge, goofy ass grin, and just soaks the moment in.) And then of course, the collective orgasm of the crowd as the Anthem dies down. "O Canada! We stand on GUARD! (da da da da da) FOR! (da da da da da) THEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling you, I can't stop rewatching this thing. Its beyond captivating. It perfectly captures why I love sports so much.
I've always thought the single coolest medal ceremony ever was 1980 at Lake Placid, the US Men's hockey team. When Eruzione called up the entire team to stand on the podium with him, and somehow the entire damned team fit up there as 18,000 strong roared The Star Spangled Banner.
After last night, we've at least got a tie at the top of the Medal-o-Meter rankings. Job well done Alex.
(fist pump!) Job friggin well done!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
randomness ... again ...
Another "let's see what random thoughts are floating around in Steve's mind" post ...
* I was (and still am) beyond ecstatic at the beatdown Duke put on UNC last night. When Plumlee slammed home Singler's miss with about 6 and a half to go to break the tie, and then Scheyer followed that up with a beautiful three pointer, I couldn't stop cheering. Seeing poor Roy on the sidelines, clueless at how to stop the debacle, it brought tears of joy to my eyes.
* And I love how the national media is now saying "well, looks like UNC is headed for the NIT". Uuh, guys? You gotta finish at least .500 to reach the NIT. UNC is 13-11, and still has roadies at Wake, Boston College, Georgia Tech, and Duke to go. The home schedule looks manageable, hosting Miami, FSU, and NC State. But the margin for error is literally zero if they lose all four on the road. I still remember, I think it was 1997, might have been 1998, but after MU got blown out at the Field House, the student section for KU started chanting "NIT! NIT!" at Norm and his team as they left the court. To which Norm replied "hell, I don't think we're good enough for the NIT". They weren't. This UNC team isn't either. Let that sink in, those of us who hate UNC and / or hate Roy. This team is a 50/50 bet to just be NIT eligible. One more screw-up at home, and they're not good enough for the NIT. I freaking love it. To haul out a blast from the 2008 past, "Yes You Can!" miss the NIT, Tar Heels! Si Se Puede!
* After last night, I think Duke answered any questions about if they're going to fade down the stretch. That was a gut check victory last night. When Scheyer's on, they can beat anyone. If both Scheyer and Singler are on, and Plumlee's delivering a 10/8 performance in the paint, they're playing in Indianapolis come the first weekend in April. Speaking of which ...
* My Elite 8 as of right now: KU, Syracuse, Purdue, Michigan State, Duke, New Mexico, Texas A&M, and Temple. My Final Four, I'd take KU (homer pick), Syracuse (homer pick), Duke (really, really impressed me last night, again, on the road, your hated rival's season on the line, and they just DOMINATED that last seven minutes. Remember that come mid-March), and ... Texas A&M. I've really liked what I've seen in those guys the last few games I've watched. Turgeon's a helluva coach to boot.
* Noticably absent from that list? Kentucky. Not buying it. The cracks are starting to show. Call me crazy, but when the coach and the star player start getting into a media b*tchfest over playing time, that's not a good sign.
* Also noticably absent? Texas. They're done. That was a disgraceful performance on Monday night, to quote the great Jim Mora. Disgraceful.
* Now that football's over and I'm getting back into college hoops, let's head west, to the wierdest major conference race I have ever seen. The Pac 10. Six of the ten teams are within a game of the lead. Which is neat. What's really wacky though, is that none of these teams have even a shot at an at-large bid at this point. The Pac 10 is staring at the reality of being a one bid league. How? How does this happen to a BCS conference other than the SEC? Arizona is one game out of first, and is 12-11. UCLA is one game out of first, and is below .500! UCLA! Below .500! How does this happen?
* Speaking of wacky conference races, the Big 10 (plus one) looks to be shaping up as a doozy. A three way tie at the top thanks to Illinois' resurgence, with Purdue half a game back and Wisconsin only one game back. Unfortunately, I will not be paying attention to this race in any way, shape or form. Partly because any league in which a Bruce Weber coached team is tied for first, has serious issues. That guy couldn't outcoach a park bench, yet he's the frontrunner at this point for Big 10 (plus one) Coach of the Year. Ugh. But also ... because Big 10 (plus one) basketball sucks ass. NOBODY wants to watch crappy hoops. The Big 10 (plus one) is the benchmark for crappy hoops. First team to 50 wins. That's not basketball, that's a Packers / Cardinals playoff game.
* Bucks split their games this week, losing in embarrassing fashion at home to Detroit, then blowing out the Nets on the road in front of 1,098 fans. Its like the ABA never folded! Not even 1100 people show up to watch a NBA game! (Yes, I know: New Jersey got 14 inches of snow last night. But still.)
So Milwaukee hits the break at 24-27, a game behind Chicago for the final playoff spot. Hollinger's Playoff Odds give Milwaukee a 69% chance of making the postseason (ahead of Chicago's 53%), and project the Bucks to open against the Cavaliers. A first round playoff matchup against LBJ and the Cavs? Yeah, I could be talked into a quick road trip back to the land of Beer and Bloody Mary's for that one ...
* Its trade deadline week as well. I don't expect the Bucks to do anything. The team they've got now is below the luxury tax, and is good enough to at least back into the eight seed. But the two teams I'm watching the most are Boston and Dallas. Boston is fading fast, and they've got to do something to avoid not only blowing the Atlantic Division to a surging Toronto squad, but still keep within shouting distance of the Big Three in the East (note: who would have ever thought the day would arrive when the freaking Atlanta Hawks are a legitimate Finals contender? Oy.)
But Dallas, that's the team I'm most intrigued by. Mark Cuban is one of (if not the only) owners in the league that will happily go above the luxury tax threshold if he thinks it can lead to a title. He did it to get Jason Kidd two springs ago. He did it to get Shawn Marion this offseason. I fully expect he'll do it again over the next week, if only because he has to realize that the Mavs might be the only threat to the Lakers in the West right now. The Nuggets are good, but they aren't physical enough to hang with LA. The Spurs are a mess. The Blazers haven't progressed like I thought they would. The Rockets are screwed by injuries. Phoenix, Utah, even Kevin Durant's team, all are nice teams and might win a game or two in the first round against LA, Denver, or Dallas, but they ain't winning the series. Cuban could steal a championship with a bold move at the deadline. (Like LA nearly did two years ago, getting Pao Gasol for nothing. Completely turned the West upside down, and got LA to within two games of the O'Brien Trophy). Cuban's in the same spot that LA team was two years ago -- good enough to get out of round one, maybe even reach the Conference Finals, but needing a sh*t ton of breaks to get any farther. If I was the Mavs, I'd target Marcus Camby. He gives you another body inside, to take pressure off Dirk. Camby also gives you a shut down defender, to neutralize the West's big men (RJ, Gasol, K Mart, David West) that tend to destroy the Mavs. Anyways, moving on.
* Seems my least favorite State Senator is at it again. (Its been a while ... so let's hop back on board the "Steve Comes Unhinged Over News Item" express!!! Choo Choo!!!)
Senator Matt Bartle (R-Lees Summit) once again is attempting to once again decide what acceptable behavior is for his constituents, as his anti-fun bill passed the Senate this morning 29-2. Bartle's bill basically destroys the adult entertainment industry in Missouri. No more nude strip clubs. Patrons can't drink in said clubs, and must be six feet away from all dancers at all times. Clubs have to close at midnight, and can't operate with 1000 feet of anything considered to be a home or business.
Basically, if this thing passes the House (and its an election year in one of the reddest of the red states, you can bet your ass it will pass), the adult industry in Missouri is dead. Which, of course, is Mr. Bartle's sole intention with this abortion of a bill. This bill isn't about "decency", or "increasing enforcement codes", or "cleaning up the neighborhood". Its about a misguided zealot shoving his outdated world view down everyone's throat simply because (waa) he doesn't like certain things in society. Namely, that sex isn't only for making babies anymore.
Look it, I have no issues with regulating the adult entertainment industry. Certainly, strip clubs shouldn't be within a certain proximity of an elementary school, or a residential neighborhood, or a house of worship. I also don't have a problem with regulating hours of operation, amazingly enough, because generally speaking, nothing good happens at a strip club after midnight. Nothing.
And, as I've always said, "other than flyovers, strip clubs are the biggest waste of money known to mankind". I can see hitting up an establishment a few times a year. In fact, I do. But what do you get for your money? A dry hump that leaves you just short of satisfaction if you're lucky? You aren't paying for sex, she's not going home with you when the club closes, and even if by some miracle of God she did decide "you know what, you're hot, you're here, and you have a condom -- let's get it on!" ... do you REALLY want to tap that? You really want to get into the drug, disease, crime, daddy, and emotional stability issues these chicks bring to the table? Trust me, you're much better off responding to a casual encounters ad on Craigslist. (Um, not that I ever have. Let's just move on.)
Having said that though ... this bill is awful. This bill just stinks. Its one misguided kook destroying an entire legitimate industry simply because he doesn't like the product. Funny, I thought that conservatives fought for freedom? In this one heinous bill alone, Mr. Bartle whizzes on the First Amendment (free speech), takes indecent liberties with the Fourth Amendment (freedom from government search and seizures), and craps on the Eighth Amendment (ban on cruel and unusual punishment).
Even worse than the blatant shredding of the Constitution and common sense that this bill achieves, is the fact that this bill doesn't do one damned thing to solve the REAL problems facing Missouri! The state has a billion (with a b) budget deficit it has to fund. The schools are underfunded. Our roads are the worst in the nation. People are fleeing the two urban bases for the suburbs in frighteningly high numbers, to escape crime, poor schools, bad roads, sh*tty city services, and the E-Tax. And rather than deal with the true issues facing the state, the primary piece of legislation getting rammed through is ... a bill DESTROYING a legal, tax paying industry? How does this make sense?
I've ripped the Kansas Legislature a new one time and time again over their ridiculous causes. But I have to give the current group over there a ton of credit. They're actually attacking the real problems facing the state. Trying to find ways to balance the budget without raising taxes in a crippling recession or cutting needed social services. The work being done in Topeka is, for once, commendable. (Save for the K2 bill). This heinous, un-Constitutional bill getting rammed through in Columbia, though, is insanity.
(And yes, there is ZERO doubt this is un-Constitutional. Its already been struck down by an Appeals Court once, in 2007, after Bartle tried to (literally) sneak this thing through on an appropriations bill that had to pass. You know the adult industry will (correctly) file a lawsuit the second this thing becomes law. And what happens then? An already bankrupt state has to waste millions of dollars defending a bill that has zero shot of being upheld in the Courts! So not only is Senator Bartle destroying a legal industry that raises revenue for the state, he's going to further cost the state money by having to waste resources defending this bad boy in court!)
Plus, let's play devil's advocate, and say this bill passes, the governor signs it, and every appeals court upholds it after a 12-15 year legal battle. What does Senator Bartle think is going to happen, that the adult industry will just go away? Hell no! They're gonna move across the river to Kansas and Illinois, or across the border to Iowa and Arkansas! The adult industry isn't some fly-by-night operation that will crumble and die at the first sign of trouble. Does Senator Bartle really think he can bring an industry that's been around since the beginning of time to its knees? Come on. All that this bill will accomplish is (a) target a legal industry for destruction, (b) further depress state revenues, (c) push those revenues across the border, and (d) further reinforce the notion that the red states are run by the dumbest people walking the planet. Congratulations Senator. You've accomplished a lot with this catastrophic piece of legislation.
The logic of conservatives truly baffles me sometimes. "We demand freedom from tyranny! Unless that tyranny is a sexy 20 year old dancing naked, then we demand the masses be denied the freedom to watch!" "We demand fiscal responsibility! Unless we have a chance to sue a legal business out of existance, then we demand blowing state tax revenue defending an undefendable position!"
My head hurts just thinking about the abject stupidity of my elected officials. Let's move on.
* Rick Pitino as the Nets head coach? This has potential. No, it won't work, because Pitino's an awful pro coach. But we already know he'll bang anything in a dress if she's in an Italian restaurant. Imagine turning the Rickster loose in North Jersey! As Dave Armstrong would say, WOW! (Or is that J-WOWW! It is north Jersey, after all.) He might be coaching a team of little Pitinos someday if this move happens.
* Winter Olympics start tomorrow! Sweet! I've always liked the winter games better than the summer. For starters, the hockey tournament is the best two week tournament in sports. (Emphasis on "two week tournament" -- the World Cup is hands down the best tournament in sports, but it lasts a month. And March Madness lasts three weeks, not two). If this next sentence makes me gay, so be it ... but I love watching the women's figure skating. I even tuned in a couple Saturday's ago to watch the trials for the ladies. Say what you want, but no straight male my age didn't have a huge crush on Katarina Witt back in the late 80s. Smoking hot foreign chicks in revealing dresses performing in freezing temperatures. I'm excited just thinking about it.
(To say nothing of the comedy of Scott Hamilton announcing this thing. If you thought Rowdy Gaines was a revelation in Beijing, just give Scotty H a listen for an hour or two.)
Plus, the oddball sports are better in winter than in summer. That speed skating thing is just vicious. Its like Roller Derby, only people pay attention. You gotta love the bob-sledding. And all the X-Games type sports, the gravity-defying sh*t, its neat.
* John Mayer commenting on Jessica Simpson's bedroom habits ... is a comment I really didn't need to hear. Thanks for that visual, pal.
* I liked episode two (or is it three?) of "Lost". I've never cared for Kate, so Kate-centric episodes I tend to just watch because, well, its "Lost". What surprises me the most about this season though ... is that I'm loving the flash-sideways storyline far more than the Island storyline. Maybe its because nobody loves the "what if" game more than me, but the flash-sideways stories are much more compelling, much more interesting to me. Reading folks thoughts at The Fuselage, apparently I'm in a very small minority. But oh well. Being hip, cool, and in the majority are not things I'm often accused of.
I mean, I totally dug last season's goofy time traveling. Totally dug it, because you got to see the history of the Island ... as it was happening. It wasn't some flashback or "Ben cryptically referring to "The Incident" or "The Purge"" type of story. The characters lived the experience. I totally loved that.
This year on-Island though, its ... for lack of a better phrase, boring as hell. Sure, the Smokey reveal was neat. I actually teared up a little bit when Sawyer dug up his hidden package in Dharmaville the other night and showed it to Kate. But other than those two moments, not one thing on-Island so far has interested me. The reason the Island struggles worked for four years (five if you count the time-travel year when not much action / fighting / struggling happened, but a ton of drama did), is because we were invested in the characters involved in the struggle. Now? Its MIB possessing Locke's body vs a dead Jacob whose followers we're just now meeting. Its stupid. I'm not invested in Japanese dude or his sidekick Lennon, and I'm not going to be, because there is no tomorrow so to speak. There is no next year, since the show is done in three months. There's no real payoff there, no redemptive arc or huge payoff or huge reveal. The only huge moment pending (as I see it) on-Island at this point is "who the hell is Richard Alpert". But again, we've been set up for four years to find out this answer. Not set up for four weeks.
Plus, and I hope I am dead, dead, dead, dead wrong about this ... isn't it a little obvious where this on-Island adventure is heading? Again, under the "whatever happened, happened" motif that guides the show, we can reasonably assume that Jughead exploding was "The Incident". The last major moment prior to Desmond not punching in the numbers, and causing the 815 crash, is ... The Purge, right? Is this what we're headed for, our heroes being wiped out and a new group of Others taking over? God I hope not. But that seems logical at this point. Which is yet another reason I'm not digging the on-Island activity: I don't want "Lost" to be logical. I want it to be "Lost". Like ...
With the flash-sideways scenes! The "what might have been" moments (or more accurately, the "what did happen because Jughead exploded" moments), are riveting to me. I've been with this show since the beginning. I love the subtle changes from season one to season six. I love seeing the alternate reality, that these characters are still connected to each other, even without the crash experience. I loved, freaking loved, the scene where Claire was at the hospital last week. I'm thrilled that scene didn't leak in the spoilers. It was such a shout-out to those of us who've been there since day one, have wrapped our minds around the idea that "whatever happened, happened", regardless of WHERE it actually happened. Great, great moment.
I'm also loving the Locke / Jack interaction in alternativeville. That scene in the lost baggage area in the season opener was one of the series' best ever.
If you aren't watching "Lost", you're missing out. Yeah, its an intellectual exercise. Yes, you will bash your head against the wall at times at the leaps of logic and faith the storyline requires you to take. But take them. Its so freaking worth it.
* Speaking of TV I love, only one season left of "Friday Night Lights". Well, technically two; season four airs starting after the Olympics, and season five next spring. But man, that stinks. I'm not sure I want to live in a world without Coach and Tami. And Matt Saracen pulling wins out of thin air.
* I don't get why Republicans are balking at President Obama's offer to sit and discuss health care reform in two weeks. Its a no-lose situation for the far right, I think. If they show up, then the nation will see they're at least playing like they're serious about solving the problem. If they show up and Obama is serious about putting all options on the table, then maybe they get some of their agenda through (and some Republican ideas are very good and should be implemented, such as cross-state insurance and medical malpractice reform). If they show up and its a rigged deck, its all for show, they can say "hey, we tried. We showed up, willing to deal, and they wouldn't listen", which will just fire up their base even more to show up and boot the Pelosi House to the curb in November. The ONLY way this doesn't work to their advantage is if they don't show up. Then Obama and Pelosi can use the "hey, we tried, they just don't care" card and ram through the Senate bill (which is so god awful and completely useless to solving the problems, that the fact its still on the table is an outrage). Show up guys. If only to save us from Harry Reid's monstrocity.
* Some really fun voting options at nba.com for "Best of the Decade" stuff. The current poll is "Best Individual Playoff Series". Sadly, Dick Bavetta and Bennett Salvatore aren't nominated for their rigged officiating in the 2002 Kings / Lakers Western final. (My vote went to D Wade in the 2006 Finals. Yeah, more sh*tty officiating, but to rally from down 0-2, and clinch on the opponents floor, that's a pretty solid achievement. Even if our "good friends" Dick Bavetta and Bennett Salvatore were involved.)
* Mikey Waltrip hit the wall! Thank you Jesus! He's out for Daytona! (entire field breathing huge sigh of relief, as driver safety now is at least 12% improved over where it was yesterday).
* Finally caught an episode of "American Idol" last night. I got duped -- they said it was "Hollywood Week". I should have remember, "Hollywood Week" is still a trainwreck. One more week until I'm back in, once we get down to 24.
* I did enjoy Ellen as a judge though. I didn't think I would ... but I like her smart ass sarcasm.
* Just a few more random thoughts before powering down for the day.
* Speaking of things I didn't need ingrained in my head: John Edwards Sex Tape. Ugh. At least it wasn't with Elizabeth.
* Cool new site: probasketballtalk.com Its about time the NBA gets a constant rumor mill site up and running.
* I'm still not even remotely excited about Royals season.
* Or the first Chiefs ticket renewal payment hitting my account on Monday. At least I get a brick out of the deal though. "Yeah, Stevo, we know you paid to sit through a decade of heartbreaking defeats, constant underachieving, and the last three years, outright embarrassment and humiliation. And we know we're raping you on the cost of your seat. But hey! You can have a personally inscribed brick in the new plaza area for your troubles!" The sad thing is ... I'm pumped about my brick ...
* I was (and still am) beyond ecstatic at the beatdown Duke put on UNC last night. When Plumlee slammed home Singler's miss with about 6 and a half to go to break the tie, and then Scheyer followed that up with a beautiful three pointer, I couldn't stop cheering. Seeing poor Roy on the sidelines, clueless at how to stop the debacle, it brought tears of joy to my eyes.
* And I love how the national media is now saying "well, looks like UNC is headed for the NIT". Uuh, guys? You gotta finish at least .500 to reach the NIT. UNC is 13-11, and still has roadies at Wake, Boston College, Georgia Tech, and Duke to go. The home schedule looks manageable, hosting Miami, FSU, and NC State. But the margin for error is literally zero if they lose all four on the road. I still remember, I think it was 1997, might have been 1998, but after MU got blown out at the Field House, the student section for KU started chanting "NIT! NIT!" at Norm and his team as they left the court. To which Norm replied "hell, I don't think we're good enough for the NIT". They weren't. This UNC team isn't either. Let that sink in, those of us who hate UNC and / or hate Roy. This team is a 50/50 bet to just be NIT eligible. One more screw-up at home, and they're not good enough for the NIT. I freaking love it. To haul out a blast from the 2008 past, "Yes You Can!" miss the NIT, Tar Heels! Si Se Puede!
* After last night, I think Duke answered any questions about if they're going to fade down the stretch. That was a gut check victory last night. When Scheyer's on, they can beat anyone. If both Scheyer and Singler are on, and Plumlee's delivering a 10/8 performance in the paint, they're playing in Indianapolis come the first weekend in April. Speaking of which ...
* My Elite 8 as of right now: KU, Syracuse, Purdue, Michigan State, Duke, New Mexico, Texas A&M, and Temple. My Final Four, I'd take KU (homer pick), Syracuse (homer pick), Duke (really, really impressed me last night, again, on the road, your hated rival's season on the line, and they just DOMINATED that last seven minutes. Remember that come mid-March), and ... Texas A&M. I've really liked what I've seen in those guys the last few games I've watched. Turgeon's a helluva coach to boot.
* Noticably absent from that list? Kentucky. Not buying it. The cracks are starting to show. Call me crazy, but when the coach and the star player start getting into a media b*tchfest over playing time, that's not a good sign.
* Also noticably absent? Texas. They're done. That was a disgraceful performance on Monday night, to quote the great Jim Mora. Disgraceful.
* Now that football's over and I'm getting back into college hoops, let's head west, to the wierdest major conference race I have ever seen. The Pac 10. Six of the ten teams are within a game of the lead. Which is neat. What's really wacky though, is that none of these teams have even a shot at an at-large bid at this point. The Pac 10 is staring at the reality of being a one bid league. How? How does this happen to a BCS conference other than the SEC? Arizona is one game out of first, and is 12-11. UCLA is one game out of first, and is below .500! UCLA! Below .500! How does this happen?
* Speaking of wacky conference races, the Big 10 (plus one) looks to be shaping up as a doozy. A three way tie at the top thanks to Illinois' resurgence, with Purdue half a game back and Wisconsin only one game back. Unfortunately, I will not be paying attention to this race in any way, shape or form. Partly because any league in which a Bruce Weber coached team is tied for first, has serious issues. That guy couldn't outcoach a park bench, yet he's the frontrunner at this point for Big 10 (plus one) Coach of the Year. Ugh. But also ... because Big 10 (plus one) basketball sucks ass. NOBODY wants to watch crappy hoops. The Big 10 (plus one) is the benchmark for crappy hoops. First team to 50 wins. That's not basketball, that's a Packers / Cardinals playoff game.
* Bucks split their games this week, losing in embarrassing fashion at home to Detroit, then blowing out the Nets on the road in front of 1,098 fans. Its like the ABA never folded! Not even 1100 people show up to watch a NBA game! (Yes, I know: New Jersey got 14 inches of snow last night. But still.)
So Milwaukee hits the break at 24-27, a game behind Chicago for the final playoff spot. Hollinger's Playoff Odds give Milwaukee a 69% chance of making the postseason (ahead of Chicago's 53%), and project the Bucks to open against the Cavaliers. A first round playoff matchup against LBJ and the Cavs? Yeah, I could be talked into a quick road trip back to the land of Beer and Bloody Mary's for that one ...
* Its trade deadline week as well. I don't expect the Bucks to do anything. The team they've got now is below the luxury tax, and is good enough to at least back into the eight seed. But the two teams I'm watching the most are Boston and Dallas. Boston is fading fast, and they've got to do something to avoid not only blowing the Atlantic Division to a surging Toronto squad, but still keep within shouting distance of the Big Three in the East (note: who would have ever thought the day would arrive when the freaking Atlanta Hawks are a legitimate Finals contender? Oy.)
But Dallas, that's the team I'm most intrigued by. Mark Cuban is one of (if not the only) owners in the league that will happily go above the luxury tax threshold if he thinks it can lead to a title. He did it to get Jason Kidd two springs ago. He did it to get Shawn Marion this offseason. I fully expect he'll do it again over the next week, if only because he has to realize that the Mavs might be the only threat to the Lakers in the West right now. The Nuggets are good, but they aren't physical enough to hang with LA. The Spurs are a mess. The Blazers haven't progressed like I thought they would. The Rockets are screwed by injuries. Phoenix, Utah, even Kevin Durant's team, all are nice teams and might win a game or two in the first round against LA, Denver, or Dallas, but they ain't winning the series. Cuban could steal a championship with a bold move at the deadline. (Like LA nearly did two years ago, getting Pao Gasol for nothing. Completely turned the West upside down, and got LA to within two games of the O'Brien Trophy). Cuban's in the same spot that LA team was two years ago -- good enough to get out of round one, maybe even reach the Conference Finals, but needing a sh*t ton of breaks to get any farther. If I was the Mavs, I'd target Marcus Camby. He gives you another body inside, to take pressure off Dirk. Camby also gives you a shut down defender, to neutralize the West's big men (RJ, Gasol, K Mart, David West) that tend to destroy the Mavs. Anyways, moving on.
* Seems my least favorite State Senator is at it again. (Its been a while ... so let's hop back on board the "Steve Comes Unhinged Over News Item" express!!! Choo Choo!!!)
Senator Matt Bartle (R-Lees Summit) once again is attempting to once again decide what acceptable behavior is for his constituents, as his anti-fun bill passed the Senate this morning 29-2. Bartle's bill basically destroys the adult entertainment industry in Missouri. No more nude strip clubs. Patrons can't drink in said clubs, and must be six feet away from all dancers at all times. Clubs have to close at midnight, and can't operate with 1000 feet of anything considered to be a home or business.
Basically, if this thing passes the House (and its an election year in one of the reddest of the red states, you can bet your ass it will pass), the adult industry in Missouri is dead. Which, of course, is Mr. Bartle's sole intention with this abortion of a bill. This bill isn't about "decency", or "increasing enforcement codes", or "cleaning up the neighborhood". Its about a misguided zealot shoving his outdated world view down everyone's throat simply because (waa) he doesn't like certain things in society. Namely, that sex isn't only for making babies anymore.
Look it, I have no issues with regulating the adult entertainment industry. Certainly, strip clubs shouldn't be within a certain proximity of an elementary school, or a residential neighborhood, or a house of worship. I also don't have a problem with regulating hours of operation, amazingly enough, because generally speaking, nothing good happens at a strip club after midnight. Nothing.
And, as I've always said, "other than flyovers, strip clubs are the biggest waste of money known to mankind". I can see hitting up an establishment a few times a year. In fact, I do. But what do you get for your money? A dry hump that leaves you just short of satisfaction if you're lucky? You aren't paying for sex, she's not going home with you when the club closes, and even if by some miracle of God she did decide "you know what, you're hot, you're here, and you have a condom -- let's get it on!" ... do you REALLY want to tap that? You really want to get into the drug, disease, crime, daddy, and emotional stability issues these chicks bring to the table? Trust me, you're much better off responding to a casual encounters ad on Craigslist. (Um, not that I ever have. Let's just move on.)
Having said that though ... this bill is awful. This bill just stinks. Its one misguided kook destroying an entire legitimate industry simply because he doesn't like the product. Funny, I thought that conservatives fought for freedom? In this one heinous bill alone, Mr. Bartle whizzes on the First Amendment (free speech), takes indecent liberties with the Fourth Amendment (freedom from government search and seizures), and craps on the Eighth Amendment (ban on cruel and unusual punishment).
Even worse than the blatant shredding of the Constitution and common sense that this bill achieves, is the fact that this bill doesn't do one damned thing to solve the REAL problems facing Missouri! The state has a billion (with a b) budget deficit it has to fund. The schools are underfunded. Our roads are the worst in the nation. People are fleeing the two urban bases for the suburbs in frighteningly high numbers, to escape crime, poor schools, bad roads, sh*tty city services, and the E-Tax. And rather than deal with the true issues facing the state, the primary piece of legislation getting rammed through is ... a bill DESTROYING a legal, tax paying industry? How does this make sense?
I've ripped the Kansas Legislature a new one time and time again over their ridiculous causes. But I have to give the current group over there a ton of credit. They're actually attacking the real problems facing the state. Trying to find ways to balance the budget without raising taxes in a crippling recession or cutting needed social services. The work being done in Topeka is, for once, commendable. (Save for the K2 bill). This heinous, un-Constitutional bill getting rammed through in Columbia, though, is insanity.
(And yes, there is ZERO doubt this is un-Constitutional. Its already been struck down by an Appeals Court once, in 2007, after Bartle tried to (literally) sneak this thing through on an appropriations bill that had to pass. You know the adult industry will (correctly) file a lawsuit the second this thing becomes law. And what happens then? An already bankrupt state has to waste millions of dollars defending a bill that has zero shot of being upheld in the Courts! So not only is Senator Bartle destroying a legal industry that raises revenue for the state, he's going to further cost the state money by having to waste resources defending this bad boy in court!)
Plus, let's play devil's advocate, and say this bill passes, the governor signs it, and every appeals court upholds it after a 12-15 year legal battle. What does Senator Bartle think is going to happen, that the adult industry will just go away? Hell no! They're gonna move across the river to Kansas and Illinois, or across the border to Iowa and Arkansas! The adult industry isn't some fly-by-night operation that will crumble and die at the first sign of trouble. Does Senator Bartle really think he can bring an industry that's been around since the beginning of time to its knees? Come on. All that this bill will accomplish is (a) target a legal industry for destruction, (b) further depress state revenues, (c) push those revenues across the border, and (d) further reinforce the notion that the red states are run by the dumbest people walking the planet. Congratulations Senator. You've accomplished a lot with this catastrophic piece of legislation.
The logic of conservatives truly baffles me sometimes. "We demand freedom from tyranny! Unless that tyranny is a sexy 20 year old dancing naked, then we demand the masses be denied the freedom to watch!" "We demand fiscal responsibility! Unless we have a chance to sue a legal business out of existance, then we demand blowing state tax revenue defending an undefendable position!"
My head hurts just thinking about the abject stupidity of my elected officials. Let's move on.
* Rick Pitino as the Nets head coach? This has potential. No, it won't work, because Pitino's an awful pro coach. But we already know he'll bang anything in a dress if she's in an Italian restaurant. Imagine turning the Rickster loose in North Jersey! As Dave Armstrong would say, WOW! (Or is that J-WOWW! It is north Jersey, after all.) He might be coaching a team of little Pitinos someday if this move happens.
* Winter Olympics start tomorrow! Sweet! I've always liked the winter games better than the summer. For starters, the hockey tournament is the best two week tournament in sports. (Emphasis on "two week tournament" -- the World Cup is hands down the best tournament in sports, but it lasts a month. And March Madness lasts three weeks, not two). If this next sentence makes me gay, so be it ... but I love watching the women's figure skating. I even tuned in a couple Saturday's ago to watch the trials for the ladies. Say what you want, but no straight male my age didn't have a huge crush on Katarina Witt back in the late 80s. Smoking hot foreign chicks in revealing dresses performing in freezing temperatures. I'm excited just thinking about it.
(To say nothing of the comedy of Scott Hamilton announcing this thing. If you thought Rowdy Gaines was a revelation in Beijing, just give Scotty H a listen for an hour or two.)
Plus, the oddball sports are better in winter than in summer. That speed skating thing is just vicious. Its like Roller Derby, only people pay attention. You gotta love the bob-sledding. And all the X-Games type sports, the gravity-defying sh*t, its neat.
* John Mayer commenting on Jessica Simpson's bedroom habits ... is a comment I really didn't need to hear. Thanks for that visual, pal.
* I liked episode two (or is it three?) of "Lost". I've never cared for Kate, so Kate-centric episodes I tend to just watch because, well, its "Lost". What surprises me the most about this season though ... is that I'm loving the flash-sideways storyline far more than the Island storyline. Maybe its because nobody loves the "what if" game more than me, but the flash-sideways stories are much more compelling, much more interesting to me. Reading folks thoughts at The Fuselage, apparently I'm in a very small minority. But oh well. Being hip, cool, and in the majority are not things I'm often accused of.
I mean, I totally dug last season's goofy time traveling. Totally dug it, because you got to see the history of the Island ... as it was happening. It wasn't some flashback or "Ben cryptically referring to "The Incident" or "The Purge"" type of story. The characters lived the experience. I totally loved that.
This year on-Island though, its ... for lack of a better phrase, boring as hell. Sure, the Smokey reveal was neat. I actually teared up a little bit when Sawyer dug up his hidden package in Dharmaville the other night and showed it to Kate. But other than those two moments, not one thing on-Island so far has interested me. The reason the Island struggles worked for four years (five if you count the time-travel year when not much action / fighting / struggling happened, but a ton of drama did), is because we were invested in the characters involved in the struggle. Now? Its MIB possessing Locke's body vs a dead Jacob whose followers we're just now meeting. Its stupid. I'm not invested in Japanese dude or his sidekick Lennon, and I'm not going to be, because there is no tomorrow so to speak. There is no next year, since the show is done in three months. There's no real payoff there, no redemptive arc or huge payoff or huge reveal. The only huge moment pending (as I see it) on-Island at this point is "who the hell is Richard Alpert". But again, we've been set up for four years to find out this answer. Not set up for four weeks.
Plus, and I hope I am dead, dead, dead, dead wrong about this ... isn't it a little obvious where this on-Island adventure is heading? Again, under the "whatever happened, happened" motif that guides the show, we can reasonably assume that Jughead exploding was "The Incident". The last major moment prior to Desmond not punching in the numbers, and causing the 815 crash, is ... The Purge, right? Is this what we're headed for, our heroes being wiped out and a new group of Others taking over? God I hope not. But that seems logical at this point. Which is yet another reason I'm not digging the on-Island activity: I don't want "Lost" to be logical. I want it to be "Lost". Like ...
With the flash-sideways scenes! The "what might have been" moments (or more accurately, the "what did happen because Jughead exploded" moments), are riveting to me. I've been with this show since the beginning. I love the subtle changes from season one to season six. I love seeing the alternate reality, that these characters are still connected to each other, even without the crash experience. I loved, freaking loved, the scene where Claire was at the hospital last week. I'm thrilled that scene didn't leak in the spoilers. It was such a shout-out to those of us who've been there since day one, have wrapped our minds around the idea that "whatever happened, happened", regardless of WHERE it actually happened. Great, great moment.
I'm also loving the Locke / Jack interaction in alternativeville. That scene in the lost baggage area in the season opener was one of the series' best ever.
If you aren't watching "Lost", you're missing out. Yeah, its an intellectual exercise. Yes, you will bash your head against the wall at times at the leaps of logic and faith the storyline requires you to take. But take them. Its so freaking worth it.
* Speaking of TV I love, only one season left of "Friday Night Lights". Well, technically two; season four airs starting after the Olympics, and season five next spring. But man, that stinks. I'm not sure I want to live in a world without Coach and Tami. And Matt Saracen pulling wins out of thin air.
* I don't get why Republicans are balking at President Obama's offer to sit and discuss health care reform in two weeks. Its a no-lose situation for the far right, I think. If they show up, then the nation will see they're at least playing like they're serious about solving the problem. If they show up and Obama is serious about putting all options on the table, then maybe they get some of their agenda through (and some Republican ideas are very good and should be implemented, such as cross-state insurance and medical malpractice reform). If they show up and its a rigged deck, its all for show, they can say "hey, we tried. We showed up, willing to deal, and they wouldn't listen", which will just fire up their base even more to show up and boot the Pelosi House to the curb in November. The ONLY way this doesn't work to their advantage is if they don't show up. Then Obama and Pelosi can use the "hey, we tried, they just don't care" card and ram through the Senate bill (which is so god awful and completely useless to solving the problems, that the fact its still on the table is an outrage). Show up guys. If only to save us from Harry Reid's monstrocity.
* Some really fun voting options at nba.com for "Best of the Decade" stuff. The current poll is "Best Individual Playoff Series". Sadly, Dick Bavetta and Bennett Salvatore aren't nominated for their rigged officiating in the 2002 Kings / Lakers Western final. (My vote went to D Wade in the 2006 Finals. Yeah, more sh*tty officiating, but to rally from down 0-2, and clinch on the opponents floor, that's a pretty solid achievement. Even if our "good friends" Dick Bavetta and Bennett Salvatore were involved.)
* Mikey Waltrip hit the wall! Thank you Jesus! He's out for Daytona! (entire field breathing huge sigh of relief, as driver safety now is at least 12% improved over where it was yesterday).
* Finally caught an episode of "American Idol" last night. I got duped -- they said it was "Hollywood Week". I should have remember, "Hollywood Week" is still a trainwreck. One more week until I'm back in, once we get down to 24.
* I did enjoy Ellen as a judge though. I didn't think I would ... but I like her smart ass sarcasm.
* Just a few more random thoughts before powering down for the day.
* Speaking of things I didn't need ingrained in my head: John Edwards Sex Tape. Ugh. At least it wasn't with Elizabeth.
* Cool new site: probasketballtalk.com Its about time the NBA gets a constant rumor mill site up and running.
* I'm still not even remotely excited about Royals season.
* Or the first Chiefs ticket renewal payment hitting my account on Monday. At least I get a brick out of the deal though. "Yeah, Stevo, we know you paid to sit through a decade of heartbreaking defeats, constant underachieving, and the last three years, outright embarrassment and humiliation. And we know we're raping you on the cost of your seat. But hey! You can have a personally inscribed brick in the new plaza area for your troubles!" The sad thing is ... I'm pumped about my brick ...
Monday, February 8, 2010
random thoughts
A few random sports thoughts (and some other things floating through my head that have nothing to do with sports) as another snowy, cold, miserable week in Kansas City begins:
* I have never been less excited for a Royals season than I am for this upcoming one. Don't get me wrong -- I still plan to spend more than my fair share of sunny Sunday afternoons tailgating the day away, tossing washers and wondering where the hell my t-shirt disappeared to. But I just have no excitement for the season. At all. Not a good sign with the first pitch of the season occuring eight weeks from today.
* How big is tonight's game in Austin? KU can all but clinch the Big XII with a win tonight, which would move them 3 clear of KSU (with a win in hand), 3 clear of A&M (with next Monday's visit to "Institution Whose Students Are Too Drunk and Stupid To Properly Build a Bonfire" on tap) and four clear of UT (with a win in hand). On the other hand ... KU still has a Big Monday roadie to A&M, a Saturday afternoon national TV game trip to Oklahoma State, and closes vs KSU / at MU. It might behoove the Hawks to win tonight and put this sucker out of reach before something strange could occur.
* Speaking of big weeks ... I think this is a huge one for the Bucks. At 23-26, statistically tied for the last Eastern Conference playoff berth (and in a group of four teams within a game of each other), the Bucks host Detroit tomorrow, and visit New Jersey to end the first half of the season. Two very, very winnable games to all but get back to .500 at the All Star break. Also, two wins this week means a four game winning streak, and winning seven out of eight, entering the All Star break. Good to see things potentially headed back in the right direction after the horrendous month of December.
* Plus, look at the schedule coming out of the break. vs Hou / at Det / vs Char / at NY / vs NO / at Ind. Another very winnable stretch of games, with the toughest game (Houston) at home.
* The good from Saturday's first day of racing: Kasey Kahne finishing second in the Bud Shootout. The bad: NASCAR sh*tting on its promise to end the race under green, denying my guy the shot at the win. The ugly: nah, there ain't nothing ugly about NASCAR returning. Unless you count Joe Nemechek qualifying for the 500 on time. But I'd rather see "Front Row Joe" in the field than Michael Waltrip any day of the week.
* My pick in the NASCAR pool for Sunday is ... Juan Pablo Montoya. My jaw damned near hit the floor Saturday during qualifying when the FOX guys were saying things like "nobody really knew how good this guy was". Really? Nobody knew? The guy's a F1 and CART champ! He won the most dominant Indy 500 I've ever seen in 2000! What the hell do you mean "nobody really knew how good this guy was"? That's a dumber statement than asking if Juan went out for a taco.
* Congrats to Brian Waters for winning the NFL Man of the Year award. I love it when good things happen to great people. That definitely occurred in this case.
* Wonder what Coach Asshat thinks of the honor. An honor, by the way, that Todd Haley will never receive. That guy will never receive a Man of the Year award in anything except stupidity.
* Liked the hire of Romeo Crennel as D Coord. I really liked the hire of Emmitt Thomas as defensive backs coach. And I really, really, really liked the firing of Tim Crumrie as defensive line coach. I don't know what incriminating photos that guy had to remain gainfully employed the last four years, but good bye, good riddance and please, don't let the door smack you in the ass on your way out. We never should have let go of Bob Karmelowitz. I'm convinced that's why the defense has sucked for five years and counting, no wacky Bob Karmelowitz during pregame warmups.
* I'm good with hiring Charlie Weis as O Coord. He'll put together a competent game plan, he'll coach to the team's strengths, and when you look at the last three quarterbacks the guy has worked with (Tom Brady in New England; Brady Quinn and Jimmy Clausen at Notre Dame), you have to be very optimistic about Matt Cassel's upcoming campaign under center. Plus, the dual hirings of Weis and Crennel mean we have two at least semi-legitimate mid-season coaching options in house, when the inevitable Todd Haley firing goes down.
* As always, I'd like to see the Chiefs trade down out of the top five and pick up a few extra picks for their efforts. I'd like to fall back into the 10, 11, 12 range and ideally end up with Rolando McClain from Alabama, under the "the last time we drafted an Alabama linebacker in round one, that worked out pretty damned well" theory. But if we're stuck at five, I'd go offensive tackle, and then try to pick up a big plodding running back at some point in the second or third round. I believe Jamaal Charles is a legitimate 1300 yard threat. But you still need a Shonn Greene type back to take the heat off of him.
* My favorite commercial from the Super Bowl was the Doritos ad with the guy who shows up to take this chick out on a date. He meets her son, and after watching her ass as she leaves the room for a minute, he takes the kid's Dorito. The kid slaps him and goes "two things you don't touch. My mama, and my Doritos". I couldn't stop laughing at that one.
* I love how the quack pro-abortion groups that were so incenced over the Tebow ad ... then realized that there wasn't one damned thing about it that was offensive ... are now saying that the playful tackle at the end of it "condones violence against women". Really. I could go off on how "you can't get much more violent against a woman than sucking her out of the womb with a shop-vac", but why bother. You can't argue logic and reason with folks that don't have any. And NARAL Pro Choice America is not an organization overflowing with logic and reason.
* Sarah Palin's demands that Rahm Emanuel resign for calling left wing Democrats "f*cking retarded" is, in two words, "f*cking retarded". Good God. He didn't mean it as an insult to mentally challenged people. And if he did, with all due respect Ms. Palin ... most of the far left fringe IS "f*cking retarded"! Just please, go away already! How about you go home, and actually raise your baby that you used as a prop in the campaign? How about you deal with your idiot daughter and her sleazy ex-boyfriend that you trotted out as ... what exactly? Poster children for kids having kids? Ugh. Everything about this woman just really irritates me.
* Didn't get to live blog the State of the Union like I'd planned ... but one thing I really loved about the speech -- Obama didn't turn to the center. Good for him. I love how the "voting public" is outraged over some of what he's trying to accomplish. Really guys? The guy told you every damned thing he was going to do during the campaign. Now, he's doing it. And you're surprised? I guess I can see how some would be shocked when a politician actually does what they say they're going to do. But its not like Obama's the boogeyman here and playing a bait-and-switch on you. He told you he'd govern from the left. He's doing it. If you don't like it, too bad. Try nominating electable candidates next time.
* Finished reading "Game Change", Halperin's account on the 2008 presidential race. Took me literally one night to finish it, I couldn't put it down. Really good read if you're a political junkie like me.
* Another great read, although it took me more than an evening to knock it out, is "Loose Balls" by Terry Pluto. Its an oldie, one I discovered after reading the Sports Guy's "Book of Basketball". "Loose Balls" is the history of the ABA. Its really fascinating to read. Especially the history of the Spirits of St. Louis. That was one nutty franchise.
* Back to college hoops for a moment. One of the great stories this year, at least to me, is the complete and utter collapse of North Carolina. Losers of six out of seven, now sitting 13-10 overall, 2-6 in the conference, fresh off a woodshed beating in Maryland last night. But this Wednesday night, if I was a Duke fan (and other than for this matchup, I'm usually not), and I mean this seriously ... has there been a game this decade you're more excited about as the matchup approaches? Wednesday night, Duke can BURY North Carolina's season. On UNC's home floor. You don't get chances like that very often in sports, to basically drive the nail in the coffin of your hated rival, in their building. Go Duke Go! Man, I pray Scheyer and Singler are raining threes down on them (lionel richie voice) all night long! (all night) all night! (all night). I'm absolutely giddy about this game Wednesday night, and I have no rooting interest in either team. I just want to see the rat bastard "accomplish" something that noone has done since UNLV in 1991: miss the tournament as the defending national champions. And at least UNLV had the convenient "our coach bailed on us for the NBA" excuse. From national champs to conference cellar dwellers in eight months. That's a humiliation you don't get off the resume.
* I see Isiah Thomas is actually under consideration for the Clippers coaching and GM job(s). I wouldn't think its possible to do worse than Mike Dunleavy ... but the Clips seem hell bent on trying. I mean seriously, did you watch the Knicks under Isiah? (I did). Isiah shouldn't be trusted to walk the dog out onto the lawn to pee, let alone run a third NBA franchise into the ground.
* Gotta give a shout-out to the HyVee on 40 and Noland, for their tremendous efforts the last few months to become THE destination ... liquor store of south Independence. Tomorrow night is yet another wine-tasting event that costs $0.00 to enjoy. In the last six months alone, there've been over 10 wine tastings, 5-6 beer tastings, a scotch tasting, and a whiskey tasting. Plus the day I'm living for, the vodka tasting, is coming soon. Of course, this is going to destroy my TiVo -- I'm already at seven shows on Tuesday nights that I watch when they're new, and that's not counting NBA or college hoops action.
* Wednesday night should mark the first time in a month Team Tito has all its bowlers in the house. No wonder we're in eighth place. Although I did love last week how the resident b*tchologist in the league ("Tom"), the guy who b*tches about how long it takes smokers to bowl ... well, both our team and the team we were bowling against took multiple smoking breaks ... and still finished 30 minutes before "Tom" and his opponents, neither of whom took a single smoking break. The lesson? Don't be the league's resident b*tchologist. Nobody likes that guy.
* I see the alma mater is ranked 16th in the preseason college baseball polls. That's neat. What isn't neat, is that this is the last season for the College World Series in Rosenblatt. There's some things that just aren't meant to be messed with. College baseball at Rosenblatt for a week in June is definitely one of those things.
* Still can't believe Tony George has nothing to do anymore with the IRL. I miss the old IRL. Some of us were youtubing wreck videos on Saturday after the latest ARCA big one (trust me, they happened every friggin lap. When you're red flagging a race before it hits the midpoint because there's so many effed up cars on the track, that tells me all I need to know about your series.) Anyways, I pulled up the scariest wreck I've ever seen, my boy Kenny Brack at Texas back in October 2003. And a few things struck me re-watching that clip:
1. How did Brack not die? Granted, he suffered like 40 broken bones, and would only race one more time in his career, a truly inspiring comeback at the 2005 Indy 500, but man, the car literally disintegrates after it goes flying 50 feet in the air into the catch fence at 235mph. And yes, if you guessed Tomas "Crash" Scheckter as the guy who ran into Brack and caused the wreck, you'd be correct.
2. I could listen to Paul Page call anything. I admit my bias up front -- I freaking love Paul Page. I've long had this dream, where me and my buddy Brett would get to call a race. I should post our "call" of the 2006 Brickyard actually, its one of my more inspired "podcasts". (And shows just how funny the Brett and Steve show could be). Anyways, I love Paul Page, because he's basically me behind the mic. Just blurts out what he thinks, no rhyme or reason, no prior thoughts, just run with it and hope you don't get fined by the FCC. So, when the clip of the wreck begins, Page is just rambling about something that has nothing to do with the race (every seasoned IRL fan's voice: no ...), and then when Brack goes airborne he lets out this "WHOA!" and then there's just silence. The lesson: when Paul Page is too scared by what he just saw to talk, I think that ranks as a horrific wreck.
3. As an open wheel fan I'm thrilled that reunification happened ... but I miss the old IRL. I miss wagering with my other buddies watching the race on whose car wouldn't fire when the start engine command was given. I miss race day at the Speedway, when after four hours of drinking in the 95 degree heat, you'd toss the names of all the drivers into the hat to pick your guy(s), and even the biggest race fans there (which would have been me, Gregg, or Brett) would have at least one pick that you'd hear a "who the hell is that?" in response to their name appearing.
I miss AJ Foyt ordering his driver to take out Arie Luyendyk, and then Luyendyk and Foyt brawling in Victory Lane. (Yes, that really happened, Texas 1997). I miss Scott Sharp leading the field at the start of the race, taking the green flag ... and promptly wrecking by driving straight into turn one's retaining wall. (Yup, 2001 Indy 500). I miss Jason Priestley as the color commentator. (Yup, 2001 season). Hell, I miss everything about that 2001 broadcast team, from Brandon Walsh, to Bob Jenkins' "I cannot believe my career has sunk to this level" mail-it-in commentary, to Larry Rice's insane analogies and thoughts (look at this! three abreast!) I miss the 5-6 legitimately good drivers literally playing russian roulette with their lives because of the 20-22 "have no business operating a go-kart, let alone a vehicle that travels at over 230mph" drivers on the track. (Any race pre-2005).
Watching Danica race on Saturday, I felt kind of neat, because obviously those of us who love the IRL have known about her for a while now. But I also felt like Red in "Shawshank Redemption" after Andy escapes, and he gets the postcard. "Mostly, I just miss my friend". I miss the old IRL. I miss my "friend".
* Finally, check this out. It appears there's another group of Bucks fans here in Kansas City! Sweet!
* I have never been less excited for a Royals season than I am for this upcoming one. Don't get me wrong -- I still plan to spend more than my fair share of sunny Sunday afternoons tailgating the day away, tossing washers and wondering where the hell my t-shirt disappeared to. But I just have no excitement for the season. At all. Not a good sign with the first pitch of the season occuring eight weeks from today.
* How big is tonight's game in Austin? KU can all but clinch the Big XII with a win tonight, which would move them 3 clear of KSU (with a win in hand), 3 clear of A&M (with next Monday's visit to "Institution Whose Students Are Too Drunk and Stupid To Properly Build a Bonfire" on tap) and four clear of UT (with a win in hand). On the other hand ... KU still has a Big Monday roadie to A&M, a Saturday afternoon national TV game trip to Oklahoma State, and closes vs KSU / at MU. It might behoove the Hawks to win tonight and put this sucker out of reach before something strange could occur.
* Speaking of big weeks ... I think this is a huge one for the Bucks. At 23-26, statistically tied for the last Eastern Conference playoff berth (and in a group of four teams within a game of each other), the Bucks host Detroit tomorrow, and visit New Jersey to end the first half of the season. Two very, very winnable games to all but get back to .500 at the All Star break. Also, two wins this week means a four game winning streak, and winning seven out of eight, entering the All Star break. Good to see things potentially headed back in the right direction after the horrendous month of December.
* Plus, look at the schedule coming out of the break. vs Hou / at Det / vs Char / at NY / vs NO / at Ind. Another very winnable stretch of games, with the toughest game (Houston) at home.
* The good from Saturday's first day of racing: Kasey Kahne finishing second in the Bud Shootout. The bad: NASCAR sh*tting on its promise to end the race under green, denying my guy the shot at the win. The ugly: nah, there ain't nothing ugly about NASCAR returning. Unless you count Joe Nemechek qualifying for the 500 on time. But I'd rather see "Front Row Joe" in the field than Michael Waltrip any day of the week.
* My pick in the NASCAR pool for Sunday is ... Juan Pablo Montoya. My jaw damned near hit the floor Saturday during qualifying when the FOX guys were saying things like "nobody really knew how good this guy was". Really? Nobody knew? The guy's a F1 and CART champ! He won the most dominant Indy 500 I've ever seen in 2000! What the hell do you mean "nobody really knew how good this guy was"? That's a dumber statement than asking if Juan went out for a taco.
* Congrats to Brian Waters for winning the NFL Man of the Year award. I love it when good things happen to great people. That definitely occurred in this case.
* Wonder what Coach Asshat thinks of the honor. An honor, by the way, that Todd Haley will never receive. That guy will never receive a Man of the Year award in anything except stupidity.
* Liked the hire of Romeo Crennel as D Coord. I really liked the hire of Emmitt Thomas as defensive backs coach. And I really, really, really liked the firing of Tim Crumrie as defensive line coach. I don't know what incriminating photos that guy had to remain gainfully employed the last four years, but good bye, good riddance and please, don't let the door smack you in the ass on your way out. We never should have let go of Bob Karmelowitz. I'm convinced that's why the defense has sucked for five years and counting, no wacky Bob Karmelowitz during pregame warmups.
* I'm good with hiring Charlie Weis as O Coord. He'll put together a competent game plan, he'll coach to the team's strengths, and when you look at the last three quarterbacks the guy has worked with (Tom Brady in New England; Brady Quinn and Jimmy Clausen at Notre Dame), you have to be very optimistic about Matt Cassel's upcoming campaign under center. Plus, the dual hirings of Weis and Crennel mean we have two at least semi-legitimate mid-season coaching options in house, when the inevitable Todd Haley firing goes down.
* As always, I'd like to see the Chiefs trade down out of the top five and pick up a few extra picks for their efforts. I'd like to fall back into the 10, 11, 12 range and ideally end up with Rolando McClain from Alabama, under the "the last time we drafted an Alabama linebacker in round one, that worked out pretty damned well" theory. But if we're stuck at five, I'd go offensive tackle, and then try to pick up a big plodding running back at some point in the second or third round. I believe Jamaal Charles is a legitimate 1300 yard threat. But you still need a Shonn Greene type back to take the heat off of him.
* My favorite commercial from the Super Bowl was the Doritos ad with the guy who shows up to take this chick out on a date. He meets her son, and after watching her ass as she leaves the room for a minute, he takes the kid's Dorito. The kid slaps him and goes "two things you don't touch. My mama, and my Doritos". I couldn't stop laughing at that one.
* I love how the quack pro-abortion groups that were so incenced over the Tebow ad ... then realized that there wasn't one damned thing about it that was offensive ... are now saying that the playful tackle at the end of it "condones violence against women". Really. I could go off on how "you can't get much more violent against a woman than sucking her out of the womb with a shop-vac", but why bother. You can't argue logic and reason with folks that don't have any. And NARAL Pro Choice America is not an organization overflowing with logic and reason.
* Sarah Palin's demands that Rahm Emanuel resign for calling left wing Democrats "f*cking retarded" is, in two words, "f*cking retarded". Good God. He didn't mean it as an insult to mentally challenged people. And if he did, with all due respect Ms. Palin ... most of the far left fringe IS "f*cking retarded"! Just please, go away already! How about you go home, and actually raise your baby that you used as a prop in the campaign? How about you deal with your idiot daughter and her sleazy ex-boyfriend that you trotted out as ... what exactly? Poster children for kids having kids? Ugh. Everything about this woman just really irritates me.
* Didn't get to live blog the State of the Union like I'd planned ... but one thing I really loved about the speech -- Obama didn't turn to the center. Good for him. I love how the "voting public" is outraged over some of what he's trying to accomplish. Really guys? The guy told you every damned thing he was going to do during the campaign. Now, he's doing it. And you're surprised? I guess I can see how some would be shocked when a politician actually does what they say they're going to do. But its not like Obama's the boogeyman here and playing a bait-and-switch on you. He told you he'd govern from the left. He's doing it. If you don't like it, too bad. Try nominating electable candidates next time.
* Finished reading "Game Change", Halperin's account on the 2008 presidential race. Took me literally one night to finish it, I couldn't put it down. Really good read if you're a political junkie like me.
* Another great read, although it took me more than an evening to knock it out, is "Loose Balls" by Terry Pluto. Its an oldie, one I discovered after reading the Sports Guy's "Book of Basketball". "Loose Balls" is the history of the ABA. Its really fascinating to read. Especially the history of the Spirits of St. Louis. That was one nutty franchise.
* Back to college hoops for a moment. One of the great stories this year, at least to me, is the complete and utter collapse of North Carolina. Losers of six out of seven, now sitting 13-10 overall, 2-6 in the conference, fresh off a woodshed beating in Maryland last night. But this Wednesday night, if I was a Duke fan (and other than for this matchup, I'm usually not), and I mean this seriously ... has there been a game this decade you're more excited about as the matchup approaches? Wednesday night, Duke can BURY North Carolina's season. On UNC's home floor. You don't get chances like that very often in sports, to basically drive the nail in the coffin of your hated rival, in their building. Go Duke Go! Man, I pray Scheyer and Singler are raining threes down on them (lionel richie voice) all night long! (all night) all night! (all night). I'm absolutely giddy about this game Wednesday night, and I have no rooting interest in either team. I just want to see the rat bastard "accomplish" something that noone has done since UNLV in 1991: miss the tournament as the defending national champions. And at least UNLV had the convenient "our coach bailed on us for the NBA" excuse. From national champs to conference cellar dwellers in eight months. That's a humiliation you don't get off the resume.
* I see Isiah Thomas is actually under consideration for the Clippers coaching and GM job(s). I wouldn't think its possible to do worse than Mike Dunleavy ... but the Clips seem hell bent on trying. I mean seriously, did you watch the Knicks under Isiah? (I did). Isiah shouldn't be trusted to walk the dog out onto the lawn to pee, let alone run a third NBA franchise into the ground.
* Gotta give a shout-out to the HyVee on 40 and Noland, for their tremendous efforts the last few months to become THE destination ... liquor store of south Independence. Tomorrow night is yet another wine-tasting event that costs $0.00 to enjoy. In the last six months alone, there've been over 10 wine tastings, 5-6 beer tastings, a scotch tasting, and a whiskey tasting. Plus the day I'm living for, the vodka tasting, is coming soon. Of course, this is going to destroy my TiVo -- I'm already at seven shows on Tuesday nights that I watch when they're new, and that's not counting NBA or college hoops action.
* Wednesday night should mark the first time in a month Team Tito has all its bowlers in the house. No wonder we're in eighth place. Although I did love last week how the resident b*tchologist in the league ("Tom"), the guy who b*tches about how long it takes smokers to bowl ... well, both our team and the team we were bowling against took multiple smoking breaks ... and still finished 30 minutes before "Tom" and his opponents, neither of whom took a single smoking break. The lesson? Don't be the league's resident b*tchologist. Nobody likes that guy.
* I see the alma mater is ranked 16th in the preseason college baseball polls. That's neat. What isn't neat, is that this is the last season for the College World Series in Rosenblatt. There's some things that just aren't meant to be messed with. College baseball at Rosenblatt for a week in June is definitely one of those things.
* Still can't believe Tony George has nothing to do anymore with the IRL. I miss the old IRL. Some of us were youtubing wreck videos on Saturday after the latest ARCA big one (trust me, they happened every friggin lap. When you're red flagging a race before it hits the midpoint because there's so many effed up cars on the track, that tells me all I need to know about your series.) Anyways, I pulled up the scariest wreck I've ever seen, my boy Kenny Brack at Texas back in October 2003. And a few things struck me re-watching that clip:
1. How did Brack not die? Granted, he suffered like 40 broken bones, and would only race one more time in his career, a truly inspiring comeback at the 2005 Indy 500, but man, the car literally disintegrates after it goes flying 50 feet in the air into the catch fence at 235mph. And yes, if you guessed Tomas "Crash" Scheckter as the guy who ran into Brack and caused the wreck, you'd be correct.
2. I could listen to Paul Page call anything. I admit my bias up front -- I freaking love Paul Page. I've long had this dream, where me and my buddy Brett would get to call a race. I should post our "call" of the 2006 Brickyard actually, its one of my more inspired "podcasts". (And shows just how funny the Brett and Steve show could be). Anyways, I love Paul Page, because he's basically me behind the mic. Just blurts out what he thinks, no rhyme or reason, no prior thoughts, just run with it and hope you don't get fined by the FCC. So, when the clip of the wreck begins, Page is just rambling about something that has nothing to do with the race (every seasoned IRL fan's voice: no ...), and then when Brack goes airborne he lets out this "WHOA!" and then there's just silence. The lesson: when Paul Page is too scared by what he just saw to talk, I think that ranks as a horrific wreck.
3. As an open wheel fan I'm thrilled that reunification happened ... but I miss the old IRL. I miss wagering with my other buddies watching the race on whose car wouldn't fire when the start engine command was given. I miss race day at the Speedway, when after four hours of drinking in the 95 degree heat, you'd toss the names of all the drivers into the hat to pick your guy(s), and even the biggest race fans there (which would have been me, Gregg, or Brett) would have at least one pick that you'd hear a "who the hell is that?" in response to their name appearing.
I miss AJ Foyt ordering his driver to take out Arie Luyendyk, and then Luyendyk and Foyt brawling in Victory Lane. (Yes, that really happened, Texas 1997). I miss Scott Sharp leading the field at the start of the race, taking the green flag ... and promptly wrecking by driving straight into turn one's retaining wall. (Yup, 2001 Indy 500). I miss Jason Priestley as the color commentator. (Yup, 2001 season). Hell, I miss everything about that 2001 broadcast team, from Brandon Walsh, to Bob Jenkins' "I cannot believe my career has sunk to this level" mail-it-in commentary, to Larry Rice's insane analogies and thoughts (look at this! three abreast!) I miss the 5-6 legitimately good drivers literally playing russian roulette with their lives because of the 20-22 "have no business operating a go-kart, let alone a vehicle that travels at over 230mph" drivers on the track. (Any race pre-2005).
Watching Danica race on Saturday, I felt kind of neat, because obviously those of us who love the IRL have known about her for a while now. But I also felt like Red in "Shawshank Redemption" after Andy escapes, and he gets the postcard. "Mostly, I just miss my friend". I miss the old IRL. I miss my "friend".
* Finally, check this out. It appears there's another group of Bucks fans here in Kansas City! Sweet!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
mailbag away!
2009 had more than its fair share of low-points for me. Consider:
* No float trip in mid July to get away for a weekend of sun-soaked, wiffle-ball playing, brownie-eating, “I swear to God, if “Its Beer 30, and I’m Beer Thirsty” comes on one more time, I’m going to lose it!” fun times. (To say nothing of missing the 20th annual Homemade Bikini Contest at the bar down there. You just don’t want to miss milestone anniversaries like that).
* No 311 concert with buddies wearing their t-shirts like a turban. (I’m still waiting for the friggin picture. I need a new profile pic on this site.) Sadly, no Matt Nathanson, or Dave, or Ben Harper concerts either. Actually, the only concerts I went to last year were all last spring, all involved member(s) of one band, and were all indoors on cold or rainy nights. Yikes.
* No trip(s) to Indy. Missing either the Brickyard or the 500, it happens. Missing both is unthinkable for me.
* No biting my tongue for two straight days at the lake as countless people verbally fellate Barack Obama as if he was the greatest man to ever draw breath, when all I wanted to do was grab the HHH Memorial Sledge Hammer and clean house like they were the Spanish Announcing Table. No, wait -- this is a good thing. I think.
* The Blazer bit the dust. My favorite car I’ve ever owned. Emphasis on “owned” – now I’m stuck with a car payment, higher insurance rates, and no four wheel drive for those days (like most of the last couple months around here) when it snows. And yet …
* Perhaps worst of all … I’m going gray up top. I discovered this a month ago, and immediately came unhinged. Gray! Little specs of gray hairs all over the top of my head! How? How in the hell does this happen at 33?!?! In the words of the great Anthony J. Bruno, "this is an outrage!” I nearly dropped dead where I stood from panic and fear.
(Yes, I am that self conscious. Just about anything else in life, you can make fun of me for. And the odds are, I’ll beat you to your punchline. But showing signs of being “old” at 33? Seriously? I have a (no longer self described!) hot-as-hell image to project! You can’t be “hot as hell” at 33 with gray hair. It’s not possible.)
But, there were some good things from last year. Here’s your (somewhat) look back at 2009, and the first month of 2010, via everyone’s favorite column, the fake mailbag!!! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* “There are positives to going gray early buddy! Just look at me!” – Dusty J, Overland Park.
I will grant that, in the words of Ryan Lefebvre, you have “punted well beyond your coverage”. And if it was just gray hair, fine. But apparently you missed the part where (unlike you) I don’t exercise, don’t eat healthy, am stressed out over my job, and as a result, awake still buzzed more often than Annie’s character on “90210”. And all she did was kill a homeless dude while driving drunk, whose drug dealing stalker nephew that’s out to avenge his death, she’s now banging on a nightly basis. There’s nothing positive about going gray. Nothing.
* “90210” references? Panicking over gray hair? You sure you didn’t mean to drop the R in “going gray”?” – Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
I knew that was coming. (chris matthews voice) Ha! Funny, sir! I’m just surprised it took two questions for it to be asked.
* “What was your favorite sporting event last year?” – Drew K, Shawnee.
For the Royals, I’ll go with the Cardinals loss on a Sunday … because the tailgating rocked (90 plus degrees, plus Dusty made this awesome chicken strip stuff), and we scored seats in the front row of center field for a few innings. For the Jayhawks, football I’ll go with the MU game, even though we lost, that was a fun thing to be at. Basketball I’d have to go with the OU game in Norman. I know they didn’t have Blake Griffin, but for a rebuilding year to end with a conference title and a trip to the Sweet Sixteen, I’ll take it. Chiefs, has to be the Pittsburgh game. Solid tailgate, last game in shorts, and the Chiefs rally for the win in overtime. We need more Steelers efforts, and less raiders / Giants / Cowboys / Chargers / donkeys / Bills / Browns efforts next fall.
As for the BuKCs … well, keep reading. They’ll show up eventually.
* “Favorite song from last year?” – Kellie B, Kansas City.
I can tell you what isn’t my favorite song -- anything off the Black Eyed Peas cd. Listening to them makes me want to do one of those three words, probably on the other two words. The two worst Chiefs games for me this year, this effing cd played for multiple hours during tailgating. It’s not a coincidence. (fake enthusiasm voice) I can’t wait to listen to this crap at Royals tailgating this summer! Yay! Woo! Black Eyed Peas rule! Now excuse me while I go bash my head against the wall until I’m in a coma.
But, since you asked, my favorites from last year:
Honorable mention: “Down” by Jay Sean (featuring Lil’ Wayne). The one song that doesn’t really fit on this list, because it’s not really the type of music I like … but it’s addictive.
5. “Shimmer and Shine” by Ben Harper and the Relentless 7. This is why I pay for Sirius XM, to hear quality, remarkable, intriguing stuff like Ben Harper. The next time a local KC station plays Ben Harper will be the first. Which is why, even at work, I refuse to listen to local radio. I bring the iPod or go online.
4. “Breakeven” by The Script. I’m shocked this one wasn’t higher. I love the sound, I love the lyrics, just a fun, catchy tune about a guy falling to pieces after his girl dumps him. “What am I gonna do / When the best part of me was always you, and / What am I supposed to say / When I’m all choked up and you’re ok, I’m / I’m falling to pieces, yeah … / Falling to pieces, yeah …” Good times!
3. “Heartbreak World” by Matt Nathanson. Yes, technically, the cd this song is on was released in late 2008 … but I didn’t buy the cd until January 2009. Judges’ decision says … yes! It’s allowed in the countdown! (You’re damned right my judges are bought off like a Russian figure skating judge. Its my site, after all). The words kind of perfectly summed up the year, at least for me.
2. “Funny the Way It Is” by Dave Matthews Band. The best song Dave’s released since “The Space Between Us”. The best cd he’s released since … uuh … that live effort with him and Tim Reynolds. And that was out like a decade ago.
1. “I and Love and You” by the Avett Brothers. I can’t even begin to do this song justice. Its beyond incredible.
* “What is the best idea you’ve heard of this past year?” – Katie H, Lenexa.
Easy. From the “30 at 30” documentary on the USFL … bring back a summer football league! You’re telling me this wouldn’t work?
I should probably note: I’m unfairly biased towards the USFL, or any summer sports league for that matter, because I freaking love summer! (Note: not the adult entertainer G and Jasson and I went to high school with, but the season. Although in fairness, how do you top the “guys, I know this chick from somewhere … wait … wait, its coming to me … oh my freaking God! That’s (insert name here!) We went to high school with her!” on the unintentional comedy scale when you visit an adult entertainment establishment? Nothing says awkward like giving a chick you shared first period English with a 20 to get you, uuh, “inspired” to stick around for awhile …)
Seriously, you mean to tell me you wouldn’t pay $20 / game to watch even semi-pro football in the summer? (keyshawn voice) Come on, man! We already shell out that much to watch the Royals lose 11-1 every Sunday! Tell me this isn’t an ideal day:
Wake up at noon. Have fun with the girlfriend, wife, friend with benefits, and/or desperate yet strangely alluring chick you picked up at the Eclipse the night before. Load the coolers, head over, fill up the bus and ambulance by 2. Hit the gates by 2:15. Gates open at 2:30 for a 7pm kickoff. (And if they don’t, just follow our tailgating buddy Carl in via his tried and proven method of early entry!) Tailgate the afternoon away in 90 plus degree sunshine. Assume that I lose another 3 washer games minimum to Dusty, to push the losing streak into the 3 million range. After enjoying the best summer has to offer (Russ’ corned beef, Monty’s steak kabobs, Nancy’s artichoke dip, Mona’s baked beans, Katie’s jello shots, Gregg’s grilling, Hooter’s chicken wings, Ashley’s burritos (good anytime of year, I swear); Brent’s t-shirt turban, Dusty’s brownies (yeah, I know, Kellie’s are really, really good … but they ain’t Dusty’s), and of course, my vodka tonics), its football under the lights. Head home afterwards, its still in the high 80s at 11pm (because its summer), so you end the day by hitting the pool for a quick game of volleyball, and some more adult beverages, and once the “grownups” pass out, you hit some of the plant (possibly) growing in the weeds behind said pool while sitting in the hot tub. Tell me that’s not the best imaginable summer day!
OK, ok, you’re right. That’s a typical Chiefs preseason game. But – but! – to make this 0.0000000001% better, you need to realize its legit football, not preseason, we’d be watching. No matter what, this beats getting up at 9, foregoing the bake part of waking up, realizing you’re sleeping next to a chick you scored at the Eclipse (Raytown’s answer to the “Jersey Shore” bar), and watching the Royals lose by 10, right? I say yes. And since it’s my site, I’m right.
That, and tailgating is always better for football than baseball. Not sure why, but it just is.
I agree with Carl Peterson, with Jim Mora, with Chet Simmons (USFL commish), with Mike Tollin, with the Sports Guy – the USFL needs to come back, because a summer pro league WOULD work! Someone needs to make this happen. Especially if it’s Vince McMahon via the XFL2 route. We can’t get enough Brian Bosworth commentary in our lives. “That’s a live ball!”
* “What was your favorite TV episode last year?” – Megan K, Berlin.
Easy.
(I suspect it might be yours as well. And if it’s not, it’s probably in your top 10).
“LaFleur”.
My favorite “Lost” episode ever. I don’t know who came up with pairing Juliet and Sawyer, but they should be inducted into the Brilliant Idea Hall of Fame. This whole hour was just me sitting on the couch with one huge goofy ass grin on my face, watching the incredible chemistry between Josh Holloway (Sawyer) and Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet). The flower Sawyer picked for her. I’m not a romantic type of person. (everyone who knows me voice) no sh*t Sherlock! I don’t show a lot of passion or emotion when it comes to anything other than the Chiefs, and occasionally politics. But even I melted a little at that scene. And the ending set in motion the lead-up to the reset the season ended with, as Jack, Kate and Hurley showed up on the beach. Awesome hour of television. I can’t believe there’s only 17 more special hours like this to go now.
And since we're now on "Lost" ...
* "What did you think of the season premiere?" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
I was utterly speechless. You know how in life there's things that are so overly hyped, that you get so excited for, that it can't possibly live up to the expectations? That was not "Lost" last night. Nope, last night's episode was one of those rare moments when something not only lives up to the hype, it exceeds it. (Think "reading this blog", if you will. You check every day, hoping I posted something. Then bammo, I come back at you with a 16 page fake mailbag, and you're so excited you're hyperventilating. You're thinking "16 pages! Sweet Jesus! My day is made! Or is it ... because this might just be some stupid pointless ramble ..." So you gamble on it being good. And it's not only good, you start forwarding this to other people saying "hey, this guy can write! (dick vitale voice) He's awesome baby with a capital A!")
My point being, I tend to exceed your already sky-high expectations. And "Lost" last night exceeded any and all sky-high expectations.
(Spoiler alert: skip down three paragraphs if you haven't seen the episode yet, or if you don't care ...)
I love the flash sideways. I love the dual realities. The thing that I dig so much about this show is even when you know what's coming (and let's be honest, there's no way Jughead was going to fail), even when you know what's coming, Team Darlton STILL finds a way to deliver it in a unique, totally unexpected fashion. You get to see that yes, Jughead worked, and the Losties are now all back in 2007, all working towards the looming final showdown between Fake Locke's side and Dead Jacob's side. (I also love that we still have no clue which one is good, and which one is evil.) But you also get to see that because Jughead worked, reality as it existed has changed forever, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in dramatic fashion. Its the ultimate "what if" game that I love so much. This is gonna be fun to watch play out.
I also loved that we got some answers last night. We know who the smoke monster is. We know why the ash circles matter. We find out what happened to the kidnapped stewardess and the kids from way back in season one. We learned how Ben got healed last season. We learned that dead does indeed mean dead on the island.
The only two things I didn't like were how Sayid's situation played out, and how Juliet's situation played out. Especially Juliet's. Again, it was inevitable, based (a) on the storyline, and (b) because she's moved on to star in "V". But still. Juliet was my favorite character. Sad stuff.
* “So Todd Haley is coming back. Your thoughts?” – Heath C, Harrisonville.
I’m furious. Look it, I’m sure Haley made a lot of rookie mistakes last year that will be corrected in 2010. He’s already corrected his initial gigantic goof (not having an offensive coordinator).
But what, if anything, did anyone who stakes a citizenship in Arrowhead Nation see this year to convince you that Todd Haley can take this team deep into the postseason? Let alone get there? He’s not capable of controlling his emotions on the sideline. He makes irrational and insane personnel decisions based on his personal feelings, rather than what is best for the organization. (Benching DJ for most of the year is beyond a fireable offense in my book. It’s a lynchable offense).
Having said that …
* “You’re renewing in 2010, right? I mean, come on man! If section 132 loses its heart and soul, what do I have left to sell?” – Scott P, One Arrowhead Drive.
Fitting that as I type up your question, the rendition of the National Anthem from the home opener in 2006 against Cincinnati pops up on the iPod. Performed by the amazing, awe-inspiring Ida McBeth.
I have a week to decide. And I haven’t decided yet. I’m that whizzed off at your decision to keep Haley, fake Scott P. This might be my "Fire John Mackovic Memorial Breaking Point" moment. I simply cannot stomach the idea of flushing another $1000 plus down the toilet to watch a team led by, in the words of Rahm Emanual, a "f*cking retard". Seriously, you came up through the Belichick and Parcells ranks. The best thing those two have always had going for them, other than on-field brilliance, is that they cut someone too soon rather than keep giving them chances to fail. That's true both on the field, and on the sidelines. If you suck at your job, you suck at your job. Cut them and move on. Its harsh, its cruel, but its why Parcells has coached in three Super Bowls, Belichick has coached in four, and they're 5-2 in those seven games. This ... this is not going to be an easy decision to make.
(translation: of course I'm renewing.)
* “What’s your ideal Chiefs schedule for 2010?” – Justin B, Olathe.
Well, since we now know the opponents fully and completely …
Week One: Sunday September 12, at Texans (noon).
Week Two: Sunday September 19, vs raiders (noon).
Week Three: Sunday September 26, at Browns (noon).
Week Four: Sunday October 3, at Seahawks (3pm).
Week Five: Monday October 11, vs broncos (7:30pm)
Week Six: bye
Week Seven: Sunday October 24, at raiders (3pm)
Week Eight: Sunday October 31, vs Titans (noon)
Week Nine: Sunday November 7, vs Chargers (noon)
Week Ten: Sunday November 14, at Rams (noon)
Week Eleven: Sunday November 21, vs Bills (noon)
Week Twelve: Sunday November 28, at Chargers (noon)
Week Thirteen: Sunday December 5, vs Cardinals (noon)
Week Fourteen: Sunday December 12, at broncos (3pm)
Week Fifteen: Sunday December 19, vs 49ers (noon)
Week Sixteen: Sunday December 26, at Colts (noon)
Week Seventeen: Sunday January 2, vs Jaguars (noon)
My rationale behind it:
1. The three do-able roadies are split well apart (for financial reasons). Open at Houston. Go to St Louis at midseason. End at Indy.
2. We get our first prime time game since the visit to the black hole week 16 2006 … and we get it in a huge, momentum shifting moment. The way I drew up the schedule, 2-2 is highly likely, 3-1 is extremely possible, and 4-0 isn’t a crack-pipe dream. Say we’re 2-2 going into that game. You beat denver, have two weeks to prepare for oakland (where we’ve won 7 straight) … and then have 3 of the next four at home, and the roadie is at St. Louis, where there will be more Chiefs fans in the stands than Rams fans. You’re staring 2006 in the face all over again. That denver game in 2010, is set up to be San Diego in 2006, the springboard to an improbable, “how did this happen!” playoff berth.
3. Yes, our four “toughest” games are in the last six … but Arizona is at home, we’ve finally gotten over the fake mile high curse, and the Colts will likely be benching everyone by the time we roll into Indy. And we usually play well in San Diego, this year being the exception.
Moving on …
* “You’ve been harsh on the President. I know I’ve heard you say “I hate that illegitimate bastard” before. And yet, you strongly support his initial (and basically, the House’s) plan for health care, and won’t criticize him over the blanket bailout of the “irresponsible” folks in life. Why?” – Shannon H, Harrisonville.
First of all, the phrase “illegitimate bastard” should never disappear from our vocabulary. It’s a neat phrase. At least to me, anyways.
However, I won’t rip him on health care because he’s absolutely right. The only way to reduce costs is (a) to insure everyone, and/or (b) to ration care. Since (b) is apparently (short-sightedly) off the table, that leaves (a). And since for-profit insurance companies won’t voluntarily do the right thing and offer to insure anyone willing to pay, the government must step in.
(I have no issues with insurance companies making money. Hell, I work for an insurance company, I know they need to make money. What I do have issues with, is an insurance company making money based on screwing with people’s lives. There’s a reason why we have laws forbidding cops and firefighters from going on strike. If there’s no public safety net, people are screwed. Same deal here. Ban discrimination on pre-existing conditions, and make health insurance like car insurance – cover the catastrophic, and you pay out of pocket for the routine. And require everyone to have at least a basic minimum coverage. There, problem solved, in a manner that not even the Party of No can oppose. Well, they could, and probably would, because the next original idea a Republican has that doesn't involve launching an unwinnable war, will be the first since 1994. But still.)
I also won’t rip the President on expanding the welfare state, on expanding the safety net of life, on bailing out folks who did their damnest to live the American dream … because I live in District 6. The recession may have hit the JC or Briarcliff. It has DESTROYED my area of town. Absolutely leveled it. (Literally, in one shining example of inept planning).
Seriously, if you want to grasp just how horrid this recession is, do yourself a favor. Come drive one of our main routes out here sometime. I swear, I promise, you’ll only get shot at twice. OK, ok, maybe three times. Hop in the car, take 435 to the 63rd / 350 exit, and head east. Turn right on James A Reed (right before you hit the 350 interchange). Drive James A Reed from 63rd south to 107th. Then take 107th west to Blue Ridge. Take Blue Ridge south to Red Bridge. Take Red Bridge west to Grandview. Take Grandview north to Bannister. Take Bannister east to Raytown. Take Raytown north to Gregory. Take Gregory west to 435, and then you can flee back to “The JC”. While doing this, add up the number of “for sale” signs, or lovely pink or yellow “Foreclosure” notices in the windows on your route.
Then, assuming you’ve survived the random gunfire and carjacking attempts, and haven’t ducked on the floor when you see the crack sales and dice games at every corner … add up your running tally, just on the major routes in the district, of the number of “for sale” and “foreclosed” houses. I guarantee you, just on this quick 20-25 minute drive, you’ll top 50. And that’s the “major” thoroughfares. Not the side streets. Not the dead end cul-de-sacs. That’s the major traveled routes.
(And I didn’t even take you down 87th Street, or 67th Street, or Hillcrest, or Hickman Mills, or 79th Street. You wanna try those out too, you’ll top 100).
To drive the point home, consider what we’ve lost just in a 5 square mile radius in the last year --
5. Our closest bowling alley closed last winter. When the bowling alley folds, that’s not a good sign.
4. The Gordman’s in that same complex closed last winter. When discount retailers can’t make it, that’s not a good sign.
3. The ghetto Apple Market (and accompanying party store) shut down last winter. I know I call it the “ghetto” Apple Market, but it was a fully functioning grocery store and liquor store, just with deeply discounted prices to reflect the fact that, well, we’re struggling big time out here. The lesson: when even the minority-run supermarket willing to operate at a loss for the betterment of the community, when even they are giving up, you know it’s bad.
2. The Big Lots shut down. At least I got a new mattress out of that closure for a deeply discounted price. Still. This one hurt. I like Big Lots.
1. Buh-bye Bannister Mall. Its currently a hole in the ground because the Wizards, uuh, whizzed on their duty and obligation to follow through and redevelop the area, instead bolting for WyCo for a boatload of bribe money. I’d like to blame the Wizards, but honestly, given KCMO’s general incompetence at governing, I can’t blame them for deciding “screw it, we can’t trust these guys to get the job done”. Still, a fatal blow to my part of the community. I’m not sure what saves Bannister now. Or if it can be saved.
And I didn’t even get into almost or completely abandoned strip malls, like the ones at Red Bridge and Blue Ridge; 87th and Blue Ridge; 67th and Blue Ridge; 63rd and Blue Ridge; (multiple) Bannister and James A Reed; 103rd and Grandview; 87th to 95th and Hillcrest; Hickman Mills and Red Bridge; Bannister and Blue Ridge. Even the strip mall where Randy’s old office was 15 years ago, is nothing but a deserted Harold Pener outlet, a pay-as-you-go cellphone store, and a boarded up fitness center now. You want to see how bad things really are? Come to my part of town.
The next time you want to b*tch at the Democratic Congress, or the President, for seeming to bail “irresponsible” folks out – that’s certainly your right. But understand, most of us aren’t “irresponsible” or “living beyond our means”. We’re just trying to hold on to the little bit we have left. Before it abandons us too.
* “Wow, that was pretty depressing. Tough times, money tight, struggling to make ends meet … my way of saying, we need a Favorite Day of the Year Countdown! (pausing) Uuh, were there any favorite days of 2009?” – Damien J, Midtown.
Sure! There’s always a reason to celebrate:
5. February 15th. Ayden’s first birthday party! Highlighted by Ayden having his first taste of cake … liking it … and then grabbing the whole damned thing and dumping it on his head. If you replaced “cake” with “booze”, he’s a natural for my family!
4. July 24th. Megan’s Homecoming Tailgate. Really good times had by all. Another one of those “let’s make this an annual deal” type of get-togethers. OK, not really, this is a “let’s make this a “the Royals are home on a Sunday? Sweet! Tailgate starts at 10am!” type of get-together.
3. October 11th. Chiefs! Cowboys! The game I was most looking forward to, and it delivered. An epic overtime struggle that put the nail in the coffin of the Chiefs season, and saved the Cowboys. An epic tailgate with good friends from the Metroplex and beyond. My 2,093,874th loss in a row at washers to Dusty. (Approximate number: reality says it’s probably higher). The only thing that sucked was the weather.
2. May 1st. Steve lives on his own for the first time since … uuh … well … ever. I won’t lie: I miss “the couch” every night. But there’s something to be said for being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it.
1. August 22nd. The 300,001st ounce Tailgate! Overall, it was all I’d hoped for. Good friends showing up for an afternoon of drinking? (check). Last summer tailgate? (check). Good games of washers, ladder toss, and rolling down the hill? (check). Everyone actually getting along for once this summer? (check). Next August, we do 325,001! (OK, ok, I kid, I kid … 350,001 …)
* “The Bradley Center is ready for you all!” – John H, Milwaukee.
(archie voice) We ready … We ready … We ready … I hadn’t been to a NBA game in 4 years (Boston at Dallas, December 2005). I was so ready for this.
And man, did your boys deliver. A solid win by the BuKCs over a team they’re chasing for the last couple playoff berths. A game that really wasn’t close in the second half, a comfortable BuKCs win. More on this coming up … if only to give “Brent S” a question …
* “Your boy did make the Chase. Now he just needs a legit owner!” – Gus B, Raytown.
Yup. Thankfully, less than a year until the Budweiser 9 car heads to Stewart Haas Racing. Sweet Jesus, my favorite driver AND Gregg’s favorite driver … as teammates. What are we gonna fight about then? Wait, the world is collapsing here, let me set it right …
* “You like the new spring race setup?” – Chris R, Overland Park.
Yes. IRL on Saturday, and a week later (now in May), to allow for a solid day of tailgating in the sun, and then if we’re up for it, the trucks the next day. The key race goes first. What a concept.
* “Idol’s back!” – Ashley K, Shawnee.
Yup. Although I don’t usually watch until we reach Hollywood. If I wanted to watch pieces of dog crap make an ass of themselves, I’d go watch “deadbeat ex-roommate” play softball.
* “Hunter is on Hulu! And imdb.com! You have to be psyched!” – Jason W, Lenexa.
I’m beyond psyched. Between Hunter and A-Team reruns, I’m shocked I get anything done at work. “It works for me!” Hell yes it does! “I love it when a plan comes together!” Hell yes I do!
Time to wrap this up …
* “So how did you end the year that was?” – Captain Obvious, Super Heroes Lounge.
The same as I always do. Watch Strokey Dick Clark on the couch … toast a few happy moments … toast a few sad moments … and pull up the saddest song ever on the iPod -- “Same Auld Lang Syne” by Dan Fogelberg. I’m not a fan of New Year’s. If only because three days later, I turn another year older, and start counting the gray hairs.
* “Happy late birthday! Let me guess – you went to unincorporated Douglas County’s finest shack!” – Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Thanks! It was a good one. Chiefs beat denver. Jets clinch a playoff berth. Spent a happy day with my second family, and the best friends money can’t buy. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I never failed to be amazed at how many awesome friends I have. I have definitely out-kicked my coverage in the friends department.
Sadly, however, I did not visit the “Outback” for a “steak” or three. Dumb decision on my part – its two for one “steak” night on Sundays. But speaking of smart decisions …
* “Hello Wisconsin!” – Brent S, Incorporated Johnson County, KS.
I think the real highlight, other than the obvious ones coming up, was Gregg’s email to me when we got back. “I loved the town and am ready to go back!” I’ve been saying that for two years! Remember, I’m the guy who, upon leaving the Metrodome in December seven years ago, swore I’d never step foot anywhere that was colder than Kansas City. Since then, I’ve broken that promise twice. To go to Milwaukee.
There isn’t a funner city in America to visit than Milwaukee. I am fully aware that in the 50 some odd hours I was there, (a) it never got above 20 degrees, (b) it snowed all morning Saturday thanks to the lake effect, and (c) “Shawsome” happened. Yet still, Milwaukee rules.
Here’s your quick recap as best I remember my portion of the weekend (and the rest of you can feel free to contribute via email or the comments, I’ll post whatever you have to say …)
Arrived in town about 5pm on Friday. After a couple cold ones with the cousin and her husband, we were off for the Friday night fish fry at Lakefront Brewery. And holy cow, that did NOT disappoint! I expected the community seating. What I didn’t expect, was to be next to two nice folks with three little kids … that actually were respectful, obedient, and not completely out of control. As I noted leaving the deal, “parents that actually act like parents, you don’t see that much anymore”. The fish fry was just sick. I expected two of the beer battered cod and a couple French fries, based on KC expectations for a $10 plate. Instead, I got more French fries than even God could eat, and four friggin huge cod sticks. Incredible.
Plus, two words guaranteed to liven up any occasion: Polka Band! Yes! An authentic polka band playing! As I noted numerous times, if it wasn’t so damned cold up there for half the year, I’d be moving to Milwaukee yesterday.
As the fish fry died down, we were offered two choices for the next stop. Either (a) we could reign it in, and drive to a dive bar close to the cousin’s home, or (b) we could completely let loose and walk to another dive bar even closer to home. Despite the fact it was well below freezing … we opted for (b). Best decision of the weekend.
Joe’s! Actually I have no idea what the name of the bar is. But Joe is the owner, so I’m going with Joe’s. We got there about 7:30pm on Friday night. The only way I can describe this place, is that it hasn’t changed in 30 years. If you walked into a bar on some random night in 1978, that is exactly what Joe’s looked like. Right down to the authentic shuffle board table, the spindles separating areas, the “smokers welcome” policy, the old school Brewers pennant, the dirt cheap prices, and the hot-as-holy-hell bartender that you never saw coming. (Or is that, the hot-as-holy-hell bartender you want to see coming? (rimshot!) … thank you, thank you, I’m here all week …)
Plus, another great thing about Milwaukee bars – they have a built in expectation of you bringing your kids with you. Joe’s had Candyland and a bunch of other board games. Candyland though – when the hell was the last time we played Candyland? 1983? I freaking love Milwaukee.
(if you look in the back left, you can see the board games ...)
Like I said, we got there about 7:30. We left a little bit before 2am. For the four of us, between (my) ten plus Captain and cokes, (Craig’s) 10 plus PBR’s, (Brooke’s) 10 plus beers and vodka drinks, (Katie’s) 10 plus beers and vodka drinks, and the “set yourself on fire” shots, we easily, easily, consumed $600 plus in booze if we were in a typical KC bar. Easily. Between the four of us, we easily had 60 adult beverages.
Our tab? Not even $100.
We stumbled home somehow about 2am. About 11 the next morning, it was time for brunch. At some awesome place called Grand Café Centraal, off “KK” in South Milwaukee. I’d been told all week leading up to this brunch, that Milwaukee is the underrated Bloody Mary capital of America. Calling it "underrated" ... is an huge understatement.
Craig ordered the “Milwaukeean”, the garnishments for the bloody mary being ridiculous. It had a block of cheese and a strip of bacon in it for crying out loud. I ordered the “South American”, with a jalapeno pepper, asparagus, a green bean, and a pickle as the garnishment, with a heavy infusion of the cayenne pepper in the drink. I was sweating just looking at it. And loved every damned drop of it. Plus, this being Milwaukee … your bloody mary comes with a solid 6oz chaser! I chose some dark local beer that was really good.
One thing about Milwaukee – every damned plate of food is so large, you can’t finish it. Its not possible. Even Gregg, the king of eating everything presented to him, even Gregg couldn’t finish dinner on Saturday night at the bar we went to. When that guy can’t finish off a chicken sandwich …
Anyways, after brunch, off to the Harley Davidson museum! After realizing it was nearly $20 to take the tour, we passed. Then it was off to the Grand Avenue shops for some, uuh, shopping. And then, a couple special moments.
First, me and the Fonz. Yup, we found the bronzed Fonzie statue (Water Street on the Riverwalk on the north side of the Wells Fargo building, for future reference), and of course I had to pose with it.
(aaaaaaay!)
Then it was off to find Russ’s park bench. We gave up trying to figure out which one it was, so instead, we hit the main park downtown, and got a couple action shots of me being homeless. Good times!
(all that's missing is justin timberlake singing to raise funds for "homelessville" ...)
The plan was to hit up Lakefront Brewery for the tour next, but they were sold out for the day. So instead, back to the cousin’s to watch some hoops and wait for the rest of the group to stumble out of the Miller Brewery tour. About 4ish, we met up at John Hawk’s, an English pub downtown, and then it was off for the first of multiple visits to Major O’Goolighy’s, the bar I dropped my biggest tab ever at two years ago in my first visit to Milwaukee. After a couple hours there, it was off to the Bradley Center. Gregg and Brent had pre-passes to meet the GM, good times there. We scored decent seats at midcourt, 9th row of the upper deck. Exactly where I’d want to sit if I had season tickets for the NBA, actually.
The Bradley Center … as I kept noting, “this is a sh*ttier version of Kemper”. I was not impressed. It definitely was a 1980s arena. Plus, to get something other than pop or beer, you had to go back down to the 100 level. If KU, MU, or KSU winds up opening there in the NCAA tourney next month (and odds are, at least one will), and you follow your team up there, you’ll get what I’m saying. A crappier version of Kemper. Although at least they had escalators to get you between all the levels, Kemper never had that.
(this just in: dude is pretty good.)
The game itself was fun. The BuKCs pulled away in the second quarter, and never looked back. I’m not sure why Beasley and Super Mario never played – both warmed up, since I was taking pictures of them. But hey, whatever gets the BuKCs a win, its all good.
After the game, it was back to Major O’Goolighy’s. Only, “Shawsome” had an epic meltdown on the two walk block over there. Not sure what triggered it, but something about “don’t laugh at me! I know you’re laughing at me!” Good grief girl. If people are laughing at you, its probably because you’re drunk, high, or just freaking funny. No matter which of those scenarios is right, its all good! Anyways, poor Brent was stuck having to deal with her emotional outburst, as me, Gregg, Katie and Ashley just kept laughing and making fun of the situation. Every time we’d look over, “Shawsome” was in meltdown mode, and Brent had a “sweet effing Jesus, get me out of this” look on his face. Poor Brent. The guy’s a trooper.
Then, it was off to Joe’s, again! I lasted two double screwdrivers. I don’t remember anything from ordering the first one … until a couple hours later, when I woke up panicked because I had no clue where Katie was. She was fine, I just forgot / never remembered she was heading back to Joe’s. Where she closed the joint down, then continued to close the joint down until like 7:30 the next morning.
And that’s about it. I definitely plan to go back for Summerfest, especially for that magical evening when the one musician I would kill to see live that I’ve never seen live, shows up to perform. You’re damned right 2010 is the year I finally see Jimmy Buffett live. Then again, I've never seen Tim McGraw either, and he's the headliner on June 24th ...
Finally …
* “I'm a good gambler! I know how to play! I’ve lost thousands of dollars playing (poker!)”
“Cheaters! F*cking cheaters! You all are cheating me!”
“You wanna throw down? Let’s go! (removes shirt) Let’s f*cking go!” – Chad C, KCK.
Yup, its my family. It ain’t a holiday unless a bookie and a drunken idiot are ready to throw down as the cops are on their way. And to think people wonder why some folks in my family “drink to excess” …
* No float trip in mid July to get away for a weekend of sun-soaked, wiffle-ball playing, brownie-eating, “I swear to God, if “Its Beer 30, and I’m Beer Thirsty” comes on one more time, I’m going to lose it!” fun times. (To say nothing of missing the 20th annual Homemade Bikini Contest at the bar down there. You just don’t want to miss milestone anniversaries like that).
* No 311 concert with buddies wearing their t-shirts like a turban. (I’m still waiting for the friggin picture. I need a new profile pic on this site.) Sadly, no Matt Nathanson, or Dave, or Ben Harper concerts either. Actually, the only concerts I went to last year were all last spring, all involved member(s) of one band, and were all indoors on cold or rainy nights. Yikes.
* No trip(s) to Indy. Missing either the Brickyard or the 500, it happens. Missing both is unthinkable for me.
* No biting my tongue for two straight days at the lake as countless people verbally fellate Barack Obama as if he was the greatest man to ever draw breath, when all I wanted to do was grab the HHH Memorial Sledge Hammer and clean house like they were the Spanish Announcing Table. No, wait -- this is a good thing. I think.
* The Blazer bit the dust. My favorite car I’ve ever owned. Emphasis on “owned” – now I’m stuck with a car payment, higher insurance rates, and no four wheel drive for those days (like most of the last couple months around here) when it snows. And yet …
* Perhaps worst of all … I’m going gray up top. I discovered this a month ago, and immediately came unhinged. Gray! Little specs of gray hairs all over the top of my head! How? How in the hell does this happen at 33?!?! In the words of the great Anthony J. Bruno, "this is an outrage!” I nearly dropped dead where I stood from panic and fear.
(Yes, I am that self conscious. Just about anything else in life, you can make fun of me for. And the odds are, I’ll beat you to your punchline. But showing signs of being “old” at 33? Seriously? I have a (no longer self described!) hot-as-hell image to project! You can’t be “hot as hell” at 33 with gray hair. It’s not possible.)
But, there were some good things from last year. Here’s your (somewhat) look back at 2009, and the first month of 2010, via everyone’s favorite column, the fake mailbag!!! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* “There are positives to going gray early buddy! Just look at me!” – Dusty J, Overland Park.
I will grant that, in the words of Ryan Lefebvre, you have “punted well beyond your coverage”. And if it was just gray hair, fine. But apparently you missed the part where (unlike you) I don’t exercise, don’t eat healthy, am stressed out over my job, and as a result, awake still buzzed more often than Annie’s character on “90210”. And all she did was kill a homeless dude while driving drunk, whose drug dealing stalker nephew that’s out to avenge his death, she’s now banging on a nightly basis. There’s nothing positive about going gray. Nothing.
* “90210” references? Panicking over gray hair? You sure you didn’t mean to drop the R in “going gray”?” – Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
I knew that was coming. (chris matthews voice) Ha! Funny, sir! I’m just surprised it took two questions for it to be asked.
* “What was your favorite sporting event last year?” – Drew K, Shawnee.
For the Royals, I’ll go with the Cardinals loss on a Sunday … because the tailgating rocked (90 plus degrees, plus Dusty made this awesome chicken strip stuff), and we scored seats in the front row of center field for a few innings. For the Jayhawks, football I’ll go with the MU game, even though we lost, that was a fun thing to be at. Basketball I’d have to go with the OU game in Norman. I know they didn’t have Blake Griffin, but for a rebuilding year to end with a conference title and a trip to the Sweet Sixteen, I’ll take it. Chiefs, has to be the Pittsburgh game. Solid tailgate, last game in shorts, and the Chiefs rally for the win in overtime. We need more Steelers efforts, and less raiders / Giants / Cowboys / Chargers / donkeys / Bills / Browns efforts next fall.
As for the BuKCs … well, keep reading. They’ll show up eventually.
* “Favorite song from last year?” – Kellie B, Kansas City.
I can tell you what isn’t my favorite song -- anything off the Black Eyed Peas cd. Listening to them makes me want to do one of those three words, probably on the other two words. The two worst Chiefs games for me this year, this effing cd played for multiple hours during tailgating. It’s not a coincidence. (fake enthusiasm voice) I can’t wait to listen to this crap at Royals tailgating this summer! Yay! Woo! Black Eyed Peas rule! Now excuse me while I go bash my head against the wall until I’m in a coma.
But, since you asked, my favorites from last year:
Honorable mention: “Down” by Jay Sean (featuring Lil’ Wayne). The one song that doesn’t really fit on this list, because it’s not really the type of music I like … but it’s addictive.
5. “Shimmer and Shine” by Ben Harper and the Relentless 7. This is why I pay for Sirius XM, to hear quality, remarkable, intriguing stuff like Ben Harper. The next time a local KC station plays Ben Harper will be the first. Which is why, even at work, I refuse to listen to local radio. I bring the iPod or go online.
4. “Breakeven” by The Script. I’m shocked this one wasn’t higher. I love the sound, I love the lyrics, just a fun, catchy tune about a guy falling to pieces after his girl dumps him. “What am I gonna do / When the best part of me was always you, and / What am I supposed to say / When I’m all choked up and you’re ok, I’m / I’m falling to pieces, yeah … / Falling to pieces, yeah …” Good times!
3. “Heartbreak World” by Matt Nathanson. Yes, technically, the cd this song is on was released in late 2008 … but I didn’t buy the cd until January 2009. Judges’ decision says … yes! It’s allowed in the countdown! (You’re damned right my judges are bought off like a Russian figure skating judge. Its my site, after all). The words kind of perfectly summed up the year, at least for me.
2. “Funny the Way It Is” by Dave Matthews Band. The best song Dave’s released since “The Space Between Us”. The best cd he’s released since … uuh … that live effort with him and Tim Reynolds. And that was out like a decade ago.
1. “I and Love and You” by the Avett Brothers. I can’t even begin to do this song justice. Its beyond incredible.
* “What is the best idea you’ve heard of this past year?” – Katie H, Lenexa.
Easy. From the “30 at 30” documentary on the USFL … bring back a summer football league! You’re telling me this wouldn’t work?
I should probably note: I’m unfairly biased towards the USFL, or any summer sports league for that matter, because I freaking love summer! (Note: not the adult entertainer G and Jasson and I went to high school with, but the season. Although in fairness, how do you top the “guys, I know this chick from somewhere … wait … wait, its coming to me … oh my freaking God! That’s (insert name here!) We went to high school with her!” on the unintentional comedy scale when you visit an adult entertainment establishment? Nothing says awkward like giving a chick you shared first period English with a 20 to get you, uuh, “inspired” to stick around for awhile …)
Seriously, you mean to tell me you wouldn’t pay $20 / game to watch even semi-pro football in the summer? (keyshawn voice) Come on, man! We already shell out that much to watch the Royals lose 11-1 every Sunday! Tell me this isn’t an ideal day:
Wake up at noon. Have fun with the girlfriend, wife, friend with benefits, and/or desperate yet strangely alluring chick you picked up at the Eclipse the night before. Load the coolers, head over, fill up the bus and ambulance by 2. Hit the gates by 2:15. Gates open at 2:30 for a 7pm kickoff. (And if they don’t, just follow our tailgating buddy Carl in via his tried and proven method of early entry!) Tailgate the afternoon away in 90 plus degree sunshine. Assume that I lose another 3 washer games minimum to Dusty, to push the losing streak into the 3 million range. After enjoying the best summer has to offer (Russ’ corned beef, Monty’s steak kabobs, Nancy’s artichoke dip, Mona’s baked beans, Katie’s jello shots, Gregg’s grilling, Hooter’s chicken wings, Ashley’s burritos (good anytime of year, I swear); Brent’s t-shirt turban, Dusty’s brownies (yeah, I know, Kellie’s are really, really good … but they ain’t Dusty’s), and of course, my vodka tonics), its football under the lights. Head home afterwards, its still in the high 80s at 11pm (because its summer), so you end the day by hitting the pool for a quick game of volleyball, and some more adult beverages, and once the “grownups” pass out, you hit some of the plant (possibly) growing in the weeds behind said pool while sitting in the hot tub. Tell me that’s not the best imaginable summer day!
OK, ok, you’re right. That’s a typical Chiefs preseason game. But – but! – to make this 0.0000000001% better, you need to realize its legit football, not preseason, we’d be watching. No matter what, this beats getting up at 9, foregoing the bake part of waking up, realizing you’re sleeping next to a chick you scored at the Eclipse (Raytown’s answer to the “Jersey Shore” bar), and watching the Royals lose by 10, right? I say yes. And since it’s my site, I’m right.
That, and tailgating is always better for football than baseball. Not sure why, but it just is.
I agree with Carl Peterson, with Jim Mora, with Chet Simmons (USFL commish), with Mike Tollin, with the Sports Guy – the USFL needs to come back, because a summer pro league WOULD work! Someone needs to make this happen. Especially if it’s Vince McMahon via the XFL2 route. We can’t get enough Brian Bosworth commentary in our lives. “That’s a live ball!”
* “What was your favorite TV episode last year?” – Megan K, Berlin.
Easy.
(I suspect it might be yours as well. And if it’s not, it’s probably in your top 10).
“LaFleur”.
My favorite “Lost” episode ever. I don’t know who came up with pairing Juliet and Sawyer, but they should be inducted into the Brilliant Idea Hall of Fame. This whole hour was just me sitting on the couch with one huge goofy ass grin on my face, watching the incredible chemistry between Josh Holloway (Sawyer) and Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet). The flower Sawyer picked for her. I’m not a romantic type of person. (everyone who knows me voice) no sh*t Sherlock! I don’t show a lot of passion or emotion when it comes to anything other than the Chiefs, and occasionally politics. But even I melted a little at that scene. And the ending set in motion the lead-up to the reset the season ended with, as Jack, Kate and Hurley showed up on the beach. Awesome hour of television. I can’t believe there’s only 17 more special hours like this to go now.
And since we're now on "Lost" ...
* "What did you think of the season premiere?" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
I was utterly speechless. You know how in life there's things that are so overly hyped, that you get so excited for, that it can't possibly live up to the expectations? That was not "Lost" last night. Nope, last night's episode was one of those rare moments when something not only lives up to the hype, it exceeds it. (Think "reading this blog", if you will. You check every day, hoping I posted something. Then bammo, I come back at you with a 16 page fake mailbag, and you're so excited you're hyperventilating. You're thinking "16 pages! Sweet Jesus! My day is made! Or is it ... because this might just be some stupid pointless ramble ..." So you gamble on it being good. And it's not only good, you start forwarding this to other people saying "hey, this guy can write! (dick vitale voice) He's awesome baby with a capital A!")
My point being, I tend to exceed your already sky-high expectations. And "Lost" last night exceeded any and all sky-high expectations.
(Spoiler alert: skip down three paragraphs if you haven't seen the episode yet, or if you don't care ...)
I love the flash sideways. I love the dual realities. The thing that I dig so much about this show is even when you know what's coming (and let's be honest, there's no way Jughead was going to fail), even when you know what's coming, Team Darlton STILL finds a way to deliver it in a unique, totally unexpected fashion. You get to see that yes, Jughead worked, and the Losties are now all back in 2007, all working towards the looming final showdown between Fake Locke's side and Dead Jacob's side. (I also love that we still have no clue which one is good, and which one is evil.) But you also get to see that because Jughead worked, reality as it existed has changed forever, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in dramatic fashion. Its the ultimate "what if" game that I love so much. This is gonna be fun to watch play out.
I also loved that we got some answers last night. We know who the smoke monster is. We know why the ash circles matter. We find out what happened to the kidnapped stewardess and the kids from way back in season one. We learned how Ben got healed last season. We learned that dead does indeed mean dead on the island.
The only two things I didn't like were how Sayid's situation played out, and how Juliet's situation played out. Especially Juliet's. Again, it was inevitable, based (a) on the storyline, and (b) because she's moved on to star in "V". But still. Juliet was my favorite character. Sad stuff.
* “So Todd Haley is coming back. Your thoughts?” – Heath C, Harrisonville.
I’m furious. Look it, I’m sure Haley made a lot of rookie mistakes last year that will be corrected in 2010. He’s already corrected his initial gigantic goof (not having an offensive coordinator).
But what, if anything, did anyone who stakes a citizenship in Arrowhead Nation see this year to convince you that Todd Haley can take this team deep into the postseason? Let alone get there? He’s not capable of controlling his emotions on the sideline. He makes irrational and insane personnel decisions based on his personal feelings, rather than what is best for the organization. (Benching DJ for most of the year is beyond a fireable offense in my book. It’s a lynchable offense).
Having said that …
* “You’re renewing in 2010, right? I mean, come on man! If section 132 loses its heart and soul, what do I have left to sell?” – Scott P, One Arrowhead Drive.
Fitting that as I type up your question, the rendition of the National Anthem from the home opener in 2006 against Cincinnati pops up on the iPod. Performed by the amazing, awe-inspiring Ida McBeth.
I have a week to decide. And I haven’t decided yet. I’m that whizzed off at your decision to keep Haley, fake Scott P. This might be my "Fire John Mackovic Memorial Breaking Point" moment. I simply cannot stomach the idea of flushing another $1000 plus down the toilet to watch a team led by, in the words of Rahm Emanual, a "f*cking retard". Seriously, you came up through the Belichick and Parcells ranks. The best thing those two have always had going for them, other than on-field brilliance, is that they cut someone too soon rather than keep giving them chances to fail. That's true both on the field, and on the sidelines. If you suck at your job, you suck at your job. Cut them and move on. Its harsh, its cruel, but its why Parcells has coached in three Super Bowls, Belichick has coached in four, and they're 5-2 in those seven games. This ... this is not going to be an easy decision to make.
(translation: of course I'm renewing.)
* “What’s your ideal Chiefs schedule for 2010?” – Justin B, Olathe.
Well, since we now know the opponents fully and completely …
Week One: Sunday September 12, at Texans (noon).
Week Two: Sunday September 19, vs raiders (noon).
Week Three: Sunday September 26, at Browns (noon).
Week Four: Sunday October 3, at Seahawks (3pm).
Week Five: Monday October 11, vs broncos (7:30pm)
Week Six: bye
Week Seven: Sunday October 24, at raiders (3pm)
Week Eight: Sunday October 31, vs Titans (noon)
Week Nine: Sunday November 7, vs Chargers (noon)
Week Ten: Sunday November 14, at Rams (noon)
Week Eleven: Sunday November 21, vs Bills (noon)
Week Twelve: Sunday November 28, at Chargers (noon)
Week Thirteen: Sunday December 5, vs Cardinals (noon)
Week Fourteen: Sunday December 12, at broncos (3pm)
Week Fifteen: Sunday December 19, vs 49ers (noon)
Week Sixteen: Sunday December 26, at Colts (noon)
Week Seventeen: Sunday January 2, vs Jaguars (noon)
My rationale behind it:
1. The three do-able roadies are split well apart (for financial reasons). Open at Houston. Go to St Louis at midseason. End at Indy.
2. We get our first prime time game since the visit to the black hole week 16 2006 … and we get it in a huge, momentum shifting moment. The way I drew up the schedule, 2-2 is highly likely, 3-1 is extremely possible, and 4-0 isn’t a crack-pipe dream. Say we’re 2-2 going into that game. You beat denver, have two weeks to prepare for oakland (where we’ve won 7 straight) … and then have 3 of the next four at home, and the roadie is at St. Louis, where there will be more Chiefs fans in the stands than Rams fans. You’re staring 2006 in the face all over again. That denver game in 2010, is set up to be San Diego in 2006, the springboard to an improbable, “how did this happen!” playoff berth.
3. Yes, our four “toughest” games are in the last six … but Arizona is at home, we’ve finally gotten over the fake mile high curse, and the Colts will likely be benching everyone by the time we roll into Indy. And we usually play well in San Diego, this year being the exception.
Moving on …
* “You’ve been harsh on the President. I know I’ve heard you say “I hate that illegitimate bastard” before. And yet, you strongly support his initial (and basically, the House’s) plan for health care, and won’t criticize him over the blanket bailout of the “irresponsible” folks in life. Why?” – Shannon H, Harrisonville.
First of all, the phrase “illegitimate bastard” should never disappear from our vocabulary. It’s a neat phrase. At least to me, anyways.
However, I won’t rip him on health care because he’s absolutely right. The only way to reduce costs is (a) to insure everyone, and/or (b) to ration care. Since (b) is apparently (short-sightedly) off the table, that leaves (a). And since for-profit insurance companies won’t voluntarily do the right thing and offer to insure anyone willing to pay, the government must step in.
(I have no issues with insurance companies making money. Hell, I work for an insurance company, I know they need to make money. What I do have issues with, is an insurance company making money based on screwing with people’s lives. There’s a reason why we have laws forbidding cops and firefighters from going on strike. If there’s no public safety net, people are screwed. Same deal here. Ban discrimination on pre-existing conditions, and make health insurance like car insurance – cover the catastrophic, and you pay out of pocket for the routine. And require everyone to have at least a basic minimum coverage. There, problem solved, in a manner that not even the Party of No can oppose. Well, they could, and probably would, because the next original idea a Republican has that doesn't involve launching an unwinnable war, will be the first since 1994. But still.)
I also won’t rip the President on expanding the welfare state, on expanding the safety net of life, on bailing out folks who did their damnest to live the American dream … because I live in District 6. The recession may have hit the JC or Briarcliff. It has DESTROYED my area of town. Absolutely leveled it. (Literally, in one shining example of inept planning).
Seriously, if you want to grasp just how horrid this recession is, do yourself a favor. Come drive one of our main routes out here sometime. I swear, I promise, you’ll only get shot at twice. OK, ok, maybe three times. Hop in the car, take 435 to the 63rd / 350 exit, and head east. Turn right on James A Reed (right before you hit the 350 interchange). Drive James A Reed from 63rd south to 107th. Then take 107th west to Blue Ridge. Take Blue Ridge south to Red Bridge. Take Red Bridge west to Grandview. Take Grandview north to Bannister. Take Bannister east to Raytown. Take Raytown north to Gregory. Take Gregory west to 435, and then you can flee back to “The JC”. While doing this, add up the number of “for sale” signs, or lovely pink or yellow “Foreclosure” notices in the windows on your route.
Then, assuming you’ve survived the random gunfire and carjacking attempts, and haven’t ducked on the floor when you see the crack sales and dice games at every corner … add up your running tally, just on the major routes in the district, of the number of “for sale” and “foreclosed” houses. I guarantee you, just on this quick 20-25 minute drive, you’ll top 50. And that’s the “major” thoroughfares. Not the side streets. Not the dead end cul-de-sacs. That’s the major traveled routes.
(And I didn’t even take you down 87th Street, or 67th Street, or Hillcrest, or Hickman Mills, or 79th Street. You wanna try those out too, you’ll top 100).
To drive the point home, consider what we’ve lost just in a 5 square mile radius in the last year --
5. Our closest bowling alley closed last winter. When the bowling alley folds, that’s not a good sign.
4. The Gordman’s in that same complex closed last winter. When discount retailers can’t make it, that’s not a good sign.
3. The ghetto Apple Market (and accompanying party store) shut down last winter. I know I call it the “ghetto” Apple Market, but it was a fully functioning grocery store and liquor store, just with deeply discounted prices to reflect the fact that, well, we’re struggling big time out here. The lesson: when even the minority-run supermarket willing to operate at a loss for the betterment of the community, when even they are giving up, you know it’s bad.
2. The Big Lots shut down. At least I got a new mattress out of that closure for a deeply discounted price. Still. This one hurt. I like Big Lots.
1. Buh-bye Bannister Mall. Its currently a hole in the ground because the Wizards, uuh, whizzed on their duty and obligation to follow through and redevelop the area, instead bolting for WyCo for a boatload of bribe money. I’d like to blame the Wizards, but honestly, given KCMO’s general incompetence at governing, I can’t blame them for deciding “screw it, we can’t trust these guys to get the job done”. Still, a fatal blow to my part of the community. I’m not sure what saves Bannister now. Or if it can be saved.
And I didn’t even get into almost or completely abandoned strip malls, like the ones at Red Bridge and Blue Ridge; 87th and Blue Ridge; 67th and Blue Ridge; 63rd and Blue Ridge; (multiple) Bannister and James A Reed; 103rd and Grandview; 87th to 95th and Hillcrest; Hickman Mills and Red Bridge; Bannister and Blue Ridge. Even the strip mall where Randy’s old office was 15 years ago, is nothing but a deserted Harold Pener outlet, a pay-as-you-go cellphone store, and a boarded up fitness center now. You want to see how bad things really are? Come to my part of town.
The next time you want to b*tch at the Democratic Congress, or the President, for seeming to bail “irresponsible” folks out – that’s certainly your right. But understand, most of us aren’t “irresponsible” or “living beyond our means”. We’re just trying to hold on to the little bit we have left. Before it abandons us too.
* “Wow, that was pretty depressing. Tough times, money tight, struggling to make ends meet … my way of saying, we need a Favorite Day of the Year Countdown! (pausing) Uuh, were there any favorite days of 2009?” – Damien J, Midtown.
Sure! There’s always a reason to celebrate:
5. February 15th. Ayden’s first birthday party! Highlighted by Ayden having his first taste of cake … liking it … and then grabbing the whole damned thing and dumping it on his head. If you replaced “cake” with “booze”, he’s a natural for my family!
4. July 24th. Megan’s Homecoming Tailgate. Really good times had by all. Another one of those “let’s make this an annual deal” type of get-togethers. OK, not really, this is a “let’s make this a “the Royals are home on a Sunday? Sweet! Tailgate starts at 10am!” type of get-together.
3. October 11th. Chiefs! Cowboys! The game I was most looking forward to, and it delivered. An epic overtime struggle that put the nail in the coffin of the Chiefs season, and saved the Cowboys. An epic tailgate with good friends from the Metroplex and beyond. My 2,093,874th loss in a row at washers to Dusty. (Approximate number: reality says it’s probably higher). The only thing that sucked was the weather.
2. May 1st. Steve lives on his own for the first time since … uuh … well … ever. I won’t lie: I miss “the couch” every night. But there’s something to be said for being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it.
1. August 22nd. The 300,001st ounce Tailgate! Overall, it was all I’d hoped for. Good friends showing up for an afternoon of drinking? (check). Last summer tailgate? (check). Good games of washers, ladder toss, and rolling down the hill? (check). Everyone actually getting along for once this summer? (check). Next August, we do 325,001! (OK, ok, I kid, I kid … 350,001 …)
* “The Bradley Center is ready for you all!” – John H, Milwaukee.
(archie voice) We ready … We ready … We ready … I hadn’t been to a NBA game in 4 years (Boston at Dallas, December 2005). I was so ready for this.
And man, did your boys deliver. A solid win by the BuKCs over a team they’re chasing for the last couple playoff berths. A game that really wasn’t close in the second half, a comfortable BuKCs win. More on this coming up … if only to give “Brent S” a question …
* “Your boy did make the Chase. Now he just needs a legit owner!” – Gus B, Raytown.
Yup. Thankfully, less than a year until the Budweiser 9 car heads to Stewart Haas Racing. Sweet Jesus, my favorite driver AND Gregg’s favorite driver … as teammates. What are we gonna fight about then? Wait, the world is collapsing here, let me set it right …
* “You like the new spring race setup?” – Chris R, Overland Park.
Yes. IRL on Saturday, and a week later (now in May), to allow for a solid day of tailgating in the sun, and then if we’re up for it, the trucks the next day. The key race goes first. What a concept.
* “Idol’s back!” – Ashley K, Shawnee.
Yup. Although I don’t usually watch until we reach Hollywood. If I wanted to watch pieces of dog crap make an ass of themselves, I’d go watch “deadbeat ex-roommate” play softball.
* “Hunter is on Hulu! And imdb.com! You have to be psyched!” – Jason W, Lenexa.
I’m beyond psyched. Between Hunter and A-Team reruns, I’m shocked I get anything done at work. “It works for me!” Hell yes it does! “I love it when a plan comes together!” Hell yes I do!
Time to wrap this up …
* “So how did you end the year that was?” – Captain Obvious, Super Heroes Lounge.
The same as I always do. Watch Strokey Dick Clark on the couch … toast a few happy moments … toast a few sad moments … and pull up the saddest song ever on the iPod -- “Same Auld Lang Syne” by Dan Fogelberg. I’m not a fan of New Year’s. If only because three days later, I turn another year older, and start counting the gray hairs.
* “Happy late birthday! Let me guess – you went to unincorporated Douglas County’s finest shack!” – Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Thanks! It was a good one. Chiefs beat denver. Jets clinch a playoff berth. Spent a happy day with my second family, and the best friends money can’t buy. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I never failed to be amazed at how many awesome friends I have. I have definitely out-kicked my coverage in the friends department.
Sadly, however, I did not visit the “Outback” for a “steak” or three. Dumb decision on my part – its two for one “steak” night on Sundays. But speaking of smart decisions …
* “Hello Wisconsin!” – Brent S, Incorporated Johnson County, KS.
I think the real highlight, other than the obvious ones coming up, was Gregg’s email to me when we got back. “I loved the town and am ready to go back!” I’ve been saying that for two years! Remember, I’m the guy who, upon leaving the Metrodome in December seven years ago, swore I’d never step foot anywhere that was colder than Kansas City. Since then, I’ve broken that promise twice. To go to Milwaukee.
There isn’t a funner city in America to visit than Milwaukee. I am fully aware that in the 50 some odd hours I was there, (a) it never got above 20 degrees, (b) it snowed all morning Saturday thanks to the lake effect, and (c) “Shawsome” happened. Yet still, Milwaukee rules.
Here’s your quick recap as best I remember my portion of the weekend (and the rest of you can feel free to contribute via email or the comments, I’ll post whatever you have to say …)
Arrived in town about 5pm on Friday. After a couple cold ones with the cousin and her husband, we were off for the Friday night fish fry at Lakefront Brewery. And holy cow, that did NOT disappoint! I expected the community seating. What I didn’t expect, was to be next to two nice folks with three little kids … that actually were respectful, obedient, and not completely out of control. As I noted leaving the deal, “parents that actually act like parents, you don’t see that much anymore”. The fish fry was just sick. I expected two of the beer battered cod and a couple French fries, based on KC expectations for a $10 plate. Instead, I got more French fries than even God could eat, and four friggin huge cod sticks. Incredible.
Plus, two words guaranteed to liven up any occasion: Polka Band! Yes! An authentic polka band playing! As I noted numerous times, if it wasn’t so damned cold up there for half the year, I’d be moving to Milwaukee yesterday.
As the fish fry died down, we were offered two choices for the next stop. Either (a) we could reign it in, and drive to a dive bar close to the cousin’s home, or (b) we could completely let loose and walk to another dive bar even closer to home. Despite the fact it was well below freezing … we opted for (b). Best decision of the weekend.
Joe’s! Actually I have no idea what the name of the bar is. But Joe is the owner, so I’m going with Joe’s. We got there about 7:30pm on Friday night. The only way I can describe this place, is that it hasn’t changed in 30 years. If you walked into a bar on some random night in 1978, that is exactly what Joe’s looked like. Right down to the authentic shuffle board table, the spindles separating areas, the “smokers welcome” policy, the old school Brewers pennant, the dirt cheap prices, and the hot-as-holy-hell bartender that you never saw coming. (Or is that, the hot-as-holy-hell bartender you want to see coming? (rimshot!) … thank you, thank you, I’m here all week …)
Plus, another great thing about Milwaukee bars – they have a built in expectation of you bringing your kids with you. Joe’s had Candyland and a bunch of other board games. Candyland though – when the hell was the last time we played Candyland? 1983? I freaking love Milwaukee.
(if you look in the back left, you can see the board games ...)
Like I said, we got there about 7:30. We left a little bit before 2am. For the four of us, between (my) ten plus Captain and cokes, (Craig’s) 10 plus PBR’s, (Brooke’s) 10 plus beers and vodka drinks, (Katie’s) 10 plus beers and vodka drinks, and the “set yourself on fire” shots, we easily, easily, consumed $600 plus in booze if we were in a typical KC bar. Easily. Between the four of us, we easily had 60 adult beverages.
Our tab? Not even $100.
We stumbled home somehow about 2am. About 11 the next morning, it was time for brunch. At some awesome place called Grand Café Centraal, off “KK” in South Milwaukee. I’d been told all week leading up to this brunch, that Milwaukee is the underrated Bloody Mary capital of America. Calling it "underrated" ... is an huge understatement.
Craig ordered the “Milwaukeean”, the garnishments for the bloody mary being ridiculous. It had a block of cheese and a strip of bacon in it for crying out loud. I ordered the “South American”, with a jalapeno pepper, asparagus, a green bean, and a pickle as the garnishment, with a heavy infusion of the cayenne pepper in the drink. I was sweating just looking at it. And loved every damned drop of it. Plus, this being Milwaukee … your bloody mary comes with a solid 6oz chaser! I chose some dark local beer that was really good.
One thing about Milwaukee – every damned plate of food is so large, you can’t finish it. Its not possible. Even Gregg, the king of eating everything presented to him, even Gregg couldn’t finish dinner on Saturday night at the bar we went to. When that guy can’t finish off a chicken sandwich …
Anyways, after brunch, off to the Harley Davidson museum! After realizing it was nearly $20 to take the tour, we passed. Then it was off to the Grand Avenue shops for some, uuh, shopping. And then, a couple special moments.
First, me and the Fonz. Yup, we found the bronzed Fonzie statue (Water Street on the Riverwalk on the north side of the Wells Fargo building, for future reference), and of course I had to pose with it.
(aaaaaaay!)
Then it was off to find Russ’s park bench. We gave up trying to figure out which one it was, so instead, we hit the main park downtown, and got a couple action shots of me being homeless. Good times!
(all that's missing is justin timberlake singing to raise funds for "homelessville" ...)
The plan was to hit up Lakefront Brewery for the tour next, but they were sold out for the day. So instead, back to the cousin’s to watch some hoops and wait for the rest of the group to stumble out of the Miller Brewery tour. About 4ish, we met up at John Hawk’s, an English pub downtown, and then it was off for the first of multiple visits to Major O’Goolighy’s, the bar I dropped my biggest tab ever at two years ago in my first visit to Milwaukee. After a couple hours there, it was off to the Bradley Center. Gregg and Brent had pre-passes to meet the GM, good times there. We scored decent seats at midcourt, 9th row of the upper deck. Exactly where I’d want to sit if I had season tickets for the NBA, actually.
The Bradley Center … as I kept noting, “this is a sh*ttier version of Kemper”. I was not impressed. It definitely was a 1980s arena. Plus, to get something other than pop or beer, you had to go back down to the 100 level. If KU, MU, or KSU winds up opening there in the NCAA tourney next month (and odds are, at least one will), and you follow your team up there, you’ll get what I’m saying. A crappier version of Kemper. Although at least they had escalators to get you between all the levels, Kemper never had that.
(this just in: dude is pretty good.)
The game itself was fun. The BuKCs pulled away in the second quarter, and never looked back. I’m not sure why Beasley and Super Mario never played – both warmed up, since I was taking pictures of them. But hey, whatever gets the BuKCs a win, its all good.
After the game, it was back to Major O’Goolighy’s. Only, “Shawsome” had an epic meltdown on the two walk block over there. Not sure what triggered it, but something about “don’t laugh at me! I know you’re laughing at me!” Good grief girl. If people are laughing at you, its probably because you’re drunk, high, or just freaking funny. No matter which of those scenarios is right, its all good! Anyways, poor Brent was stuck having to deal with her emotional outburst, as me, Gregg, Katie and Ashley just kept laughing and making fun of the situation. Every time we’d look over, “Shawsome” was in meltdown mode, and Brent had a “sweet effing Jesus, get me out of this” look on his face. Poor Brent. The guy’s a trooper.
Then, it was off to Joe’s, again! I lasted two double screwdrivers. I don’t remember anything from ordering the first one … until a couple hours later, when I woke up panicked because I had no clue where Katie was. She was fine, I just forgot / never remembered she was heading back to Joe’s. Where she closed the joint down, then continued to close the joint down until like 7:30 the next morning.
And that’s about it. I definitely plan to go back for Summerfest, especially for that magical evening when the one musician I would kill to see live that I’ve never seen live, shows up to perform. You’re damned right 2010 is the year I finally see Jimmy Buffett live. Then again, I've never seen Tim McGraw either, and he's the headliner on June 24th ...
Finally …
* “I'm a good gambler! I know how to play! I’ve lost thousands of dollars playing (poker!)”
“Cheaters! F*cking cheaters! You all are cheating me!”
“You wanna throw down? Let’s go! (removes shirt) Let’s f*cking go!” – Chad C, KCK.
Yup, its my family. It ain’t a holiday unless a bookie and a drunken idiot are ready to throw down as the cops are on their way. And to think people wonder why some folks in my family “drink to excess” …
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