smash thoughts episode four: the cost of art

(Eileen) I need some bubble wrap.

(Her assistant) Bubble wrap?

(Eileen) Yes, bubble wrap.  Perhaps you’ve heard of it.  (Shuts door).

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A little throwaway scene not even ten minutes into last night’s incredible episode of “Smash”, and it totally nails why I love this show.

Here’s a woman in Eileen (played by the incredible Anjelica Huston), who WAS the biggest thing going on Broadway.  Now, in the midst of a divorce in which her soon to be ex-husband has somehow (apparently) absconded with every cent in the escrow account, the potential play of a lifetime has fallen into her lap.

And how does she react to the bad news, and to the incredible opportunity?

By ordering bubble wrap.  I’m sure you’re saying “well sure she did Stevo!  Who doesn’t like to pop those bubbles every Christmas when you get two boxes full of them from your Aunt and Uncle (insert name here) in (insert state here)!”  And yes, I am one of you – popping bubble wrap rules.

But using that bubble wrap to cart off a million dollar plus work of art, in the hopes of hawking it for $200 grand to simply get a quarter-written musical off the ground?

Takes a belief in things unseen, not just in the playbook … not just in a cast of characters we’re still getting introduced to … but says everything about Eileen’s character.

If you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.  (Which probably explains why I’m a lowly blogger with 10-15 core readers who works as a (jimmy johnson voice) puuurly paid accountant by day.)

Call me a dreamer, say I’m a little naïve … but I believe in the underdog.  The Lost Trailers sang that in a hit song last fall, and it’s kinda how I feel about this show, and the little production that could that is the show within the show.

I believe in the underdog.  And thankfully after last night, due to a VERY FORTUITOUS Juan Pablo Montoya crash of a lifetime at pretty much exactly 8:57pm … “Smash” posted its best ratings to date, all but ensuring a full season pickup … and eleven more of these recaps.

(“the biggest fan of this site” bashing his head against a marble counter repeatedly in frustration …)

Here then, are some relatively quick thoughts on last night’s “Smash”, it’s best episode to date, entitled “The Cost of Art” …

* Best scene of the series so far: possibly Eileen and Julia’s chat right before the commercial break in her office, when Eileen offers a glass of something alcoholic (I’m guessing scotch) to Julia, who replies by noting “Drinking on the job!  I can get used to this!” before clanking glasses together. 

* Worst scene of the series so far: when Ivy has Karen and some backup singer removed during initial rehearsals.  I kinda like where the writers are taking Ivy … but she doesn’t strike anyone who has watched all four episodes as a bitch.  That was a bitch move.  Something, again, not in her nature to date.

* Worst scene of the night: Karen and Dev discussing Karen’s demotion.  For the love of God.  If you have that little self-confidence in yourself, what in the hell are you doing in a Broadway production?  And the snarky “well, she’s sleeping with the director” putdown.  Christ, how many people in this country have slept their way to the top?  Millions?  Billions?  More than McDonalds can put on a logo sign?  For God’s sake, get it over.  Lord knows countless potential “Big Brother” hosts such as myself have had to stash our pride away every summer watching a talentless bimbo “host” the show solely due to her relationship to the head of CBS.

* If you play the EW “scarf and tea” drinking game … you ended last night sober.  Sucks to be you people who seek a reason to drink beyond “escape from reality” (like me).

* Julia mocking Tom being set up on a date by his mom was hysterical.

 * On the other hand, Julia’s awkward moments around the potential DiMaggio (her ex-lover) plays out perfectly … awkward.

* I do have to honestly admit … as much as seeing Karen’s dream fall apart sucks for her … as the resident President of the “I Hate (Insert Foul Words Here) American Idol’s Season Five Runner Up” fan club, I kinda like seeing her get her come-uppance.

* On the other hand, “I could have slept with him.  But I didn’t.  That doesn’t make me stupid, or lame, or hick, or untalented.”  At the risk of offending the easily offendable, it does make you one of those four things honey, and possibly three.  (“Hick” seems pretty safely off the table.)

* I know a lot of critics blasted the “ensemble members take Karen out shopping” scene … but I actually kinda bought it.  They’re probably just as pissed off at being in the background as she is.  And if they can bribe her into the top slot, she might take them with her.  Yes, I think in scheming ways sometimes.

* “$80 million?  Huh.”  Again, I love scheming people … sometimes.  Eileen realizing that $200,000 out of $80 million is the equivalent of chucking a quarter at a bum asking for bus fare* played great.

(*: as always, the “Stevo Guide to How to Deal With the Destitute”: I am always willing to help those down and out in life … because half the time, I’m down and out in life … under one condition: be honest with me when you ask me for money.  Don’t come up to me with some lame “I need a couple bucks to catch the bus” bullshit.  I know how crappy the KCATA is.  I’ve lived it in the last couple weeks.  You ain’t using my spare change or spare $1 bills for “bus fare”.  You’re using it for Newport’s or some one-shotter of booze.  And you know what?  That’s fine!  Honest to God, that’s great!  Just be honest about it!  If a grimy looking dude comes up to me and goes “man, I need a couple bucks for a one hitter”, I’ll fork over the $3 if I have it on me.  If he asks for bus fare?  In the words of my (still honorary) Uncle Geno: Fuhgedaboudit!)

* I love how an “intervention” on Broadway involves overhauling a wardrobe.  Beats the hell out of my “you drink too much, you gamble too much” intervention from a decade ago.  That was NOT good times, let me tell you.

* I’m just asking: how the hell do single chicks manage to zip up fancy dresses in the back?  Sadly … ok fine, pathetically embarrassingly … I’m being serious with that question …

* Funniest “Insider Addict to this Show” Scene: when Ivy (finally) steps foot in Derek’s apartment for Lyle’s birthday bash … and IMMEDIATELY checks out the pipes on the ceiling for damage.  The “DJ School of Convenient Excuses For Why We Only Hook Up at Your Place” EPICALLY failed on that one!  (And yes, had me laughing out loud.)

* Most UNBELIEVABLE Scene of the New Century: was that a glass of alcohol (granted, champagne) on a piano with a Jonas brother playing said piano?!?!  Or is it just sex they’ve sworn off?  I swear, our society is so f*cked up, I can’t even keep track with what f*ck up is #trending nowadays.

* And to the critics who hated that scene, because “who would POSSIBLY hog the scene at their own birthday party”?  Uum, you apparently don’t know half the ego-maniacs that I do.  Let alone that Hollywood and Broadway possess.

* “Your place is beautiful” while looking behind her.  Great “I see RIGHT through your shit Derek” moment.  (What, you thought the “DJ School of Convenient Excuses” stood for … uum, anyone other than Derek?  My bad, my bad (rimshot!)  Thank you, thank you, I’m here until someone chucks another bowling ball at me.  Then you can visit me at some third-rate hospital where I’m receiving fourth-world treatment.)

* Wait, a Jonas brother is joking about “showing you the bedrooms”?!?!  I swear to GOD, I thought they were all about the waiting until marriage mantra that not even the ancient Egyptians were dumb enough to fall for?  (And they were dumb enough to interpret conditions worse than last night’s Daytona 500 as “it’s cool, it’ll pass” for crying out loud!)  Am I missing something obvious here?

* “Seriously, I had no intention on going out on a date my mother set up for me, but then I checked you out online and thought, wow, yay mom!”  OK, I don’t care what you think about gay people*, that is one damned funny moment.

(*: this site supports the words of the founding document of this nation: “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all (people) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”  If that offends you, good.  King George III was pretty damned offended by those words as well.)

* And then Eileen runs into the Jonas brother … excuse me, Lyle, “hiding” on the stairs.  In his defense – and I actually mean this – if someone threw me a huge surprise party?  I’d be hiding on the couch.  So stairs in loft on the West Side = couch in South KC?  Yup, I buy it.  Sadly.

* The incredible thing about that scene … is that whatever Jonas that kid is, holds his own against Anjelica Huston.  Unreal.

* “Rumor Has It” by Adele!  Not bad.  And to one reader of this site who thinks Adele’s “21” is the greatest thing since the dugout was “invented”, a reason to give this show a chance!

* Again, from the “I love a schemer willing to do anything to stay afloat” department … well, Eileen kinda hit rock bottom there … but again, sometimes (three west mafia voice) it’s hard out there for a pimp … yes, I just worked that into a post, because I am #epicawesome like that …

* Wait … Derek and Tom were friends?  Not just friends, but “best of friends”?  Christ, not even I’ve pissed away a friendship this badly!

* the USO number rocked.  This, honestly, is the best musical sequence yet.  “I’ve never met a wolf who didn’t love to howl!  I’ve never met a man who didn’t like to prowl!”  Honestly not sure what was funnier at the end of that sequence: Ivy asking a Jonas brother “are you still interested in showing me those bedrooms” … or the Jonas brother damned near nutting on the spot when walking off with her.  Gotta go with the latter, if only because , uum, well, in his spot, with a chica that hot and a performance that hot, I’d, uuh … LETS JUST MOVE ON … NOTHING TO SEE HERE PEOPLE …

* Again: if you can’t make fun of yourself, then expect to get made fun of.  I know that’s a Steve Rule.

(unsolved mysteries voice) UPDATE:  My God, it really IS a Steve Rule!  Number 45!  Take THAT, Agent Gibbs!)

* “Don’t, Derek, don’t.”

“What?”

“Everyone saw you.”

“Everyone saw what?”

“Everyone saw your hand on her ass.”

(pause)

“Ivy!  Everyone at this party is a potential investor …”

That’s classic.

* The final scene at the bar didn’t do much for me.  Having said that …

We’re four episodes in, and this show is a winner in my books.  The last show I liked this much four episodes in was “Swingtown” four years ago, and at that point, they’d had two classic episodes (the “Pilot” and “Cabin Fever”, that I still pull up on iTunes every now and then to rewatch).  “Smash”?  Has two classic episodes – the “Pilot”, and “The Cost of Art”, with two “move the pieces” episodes in between as well.

The fifth episode is the key.  "Swingtown"'s was awful.  Here's a toast to believing "Smash"'s will be better.

Or at least not be worse ...

manning? ok. this idea? hell yes! ...

Let me open this post by stating what I would think is an obvious fact: I am NOT cordalew at Arrowhead Pride.  (Although the tinfoil helmet is a winner in my book.)

My online moniker is almost always teamtito15, or a combination of my first initial, middle initial, and last name.  I sure as all hell wouldn’t come up with “cordalew” as an alias.

Having said that, yes.  Yes, yes yes! to the proposal offered in cordalew’s post linked here.  I think it’s genius – it strengthens a position of weakness (QB), it brings in the guy I truly believe can be the long-term (aka “decade long”) solution at the position, it trades from a position of strength for the Chiefs (CB), and it nets us at least an extra day two draft pick, if not a day one draft pick (read cordalew’s proposal – I think if Pioli held out for the player trade with number 31 overall coming back to KC, the Patriots don’t necessarily hang up the phone …)

Look it, I get the Peyton Manning hysteria.  Christ, I’ve bought into it – just seeing Bob“Bulldog” Fescoe’s tweet today about the Chiefs and Manning’s agent having contract discussions made me giddy.  But Peyton Manning is NOT the long-term solution.

IF the Chiefs acquired Peyton Manning?  We know how the next three years would play out.  Two division titles, one wildcard berth, a couple playoff wins, and if everything breaks right, an AFC Title Game loss.

But if the Chiefs, their braintrust, ownership, front office, you name it, if they set aside the media and public opinion and “aim for the stars” so to speak … well, what I do know is this – if you believe in a young, talented quarterback, ACQUIRE HIM!

Ask the Jaguars if they regret the 3^rd and 5^th they gave Green Bay for Mark Brunell.  Or the Seahawks if they regret the 1^st and 3^rd they gave Green Bay for Matt Hasselbeck. 

Or the Giants if they regret giving Philip Rivers, Shawne Merriman, and Nate Keading (who the three picks they sent to the Chargers turned into) to San Diego for Eli Manning.

I ask you Chiefs fans: would you give up two first round picks, a multi-Pro Bowl quarterback, a decent linebacker, and a solid placekicker … for TWO Lombardi Trophies in four years?

I rest my case.

Because I truly believe Ryan Mallett is going to be a star in this league.  Not a Tamba Hali type star, the kind of guy who people like me or “The Voice of Reason” buy a jersey for and wear to home games.

I mean a “star”, as in “people in Salt Lake City wear his jersey” type of star.

If Peyton Manning is the Chiefs starting QB come September 9^th?  I’m OK with it.  It means we’re looking at a 10-6 division champion that craps out on the road at (insert opponent here: New England, New York, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Houston).

If Ryan Mallett is the Chiefs starting QB come September 9^th?  It means we’re looking at a 10-6 division champion that craps out on the road the third Sunday in January at (insert opponent here: New England, New York, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Houston).

The difference being … come 2013, which quarterback would replicate 2012 … and which one could improve on it …

smash recap: episode three, "meet mr dimaggio"

Smash’s third episode, “Enter Mr. DiMaggio”, was anything but excellent, unlike its first two episodes.  After viewing it twice, I can understand why some critics had such a negative reaction to this episode.

But I didn’t think it was awful.  If anything, it felt like a classic “Lost” staller episode, the one you always got before the season finale where the pieces were being moved into place for the grand finale.  Considering nearly every critic who has reviewed the first four episodes of “Smash” has said that the fourth episode is the best, I’ll write this one off as “moving the pawns into position”.

Still, this episode did have some enjoyable moments.  My ten favorite moments of the night:

10. The Bruno Mars play.  It had me laughing.  In the interest of fairness, I’m not a fan of Mr. Mars’ music for the most part … but reinventing “Grenade” as the writers did was pretty funny stuff.  Actually it was hilarious.  This, I think, is the biggest reason why “Smash” is working for me, whereas “Studio 60” was failing by its third episode – the “show within a show” works. 

9. The Eileen and Jerry interactions.  Yes, it’s now officially a running gag, as reinforced by Jerry buying the Manhattan “for throwing”.  Sometimes, official running gags are funny.  This is one of them.

8. This week’s original production, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”.  Of the three songs so far for this musical, this was the weakest, but it was still pretty solid.  Also liked the cutback-and-forth between Julia envisioning her life versus what Marilyn and Joe DiMaggio wanted.

7. As probably the only person who loves this show that doesn’t hate Ellis, you gotta love how he spends an evening … wait for it … hang on, let me haul out the Matt Foley memorial voice: “rolling doobies in a van down by the river!”  Also gotta love his brazenness in simply taking Julia’s notebook to see what’s inside her head.  Look it, it’s sleazy, it’s underhanded, it’s dishonest, it’s despicable … and I absolutely love it.

6. Katharine McPhee’s cover of “Redneck Woman”.  How we get to this point, is beyond ridiculous (seriously, who holds a baby shower in a karaoke bar?)  But it’s a damned good performance.  Again, if Ms. McPhee had done stuff like this on “Idol”, instead of the vomit-inducing garbage she churned out, I might have at least tolerated her in season 5.

5. Derek’s excuse to Ivy for why they can never hook up at his place.  Its pretty damned funny.

4. Ellis is straight!  Wow, Julia nailed that one in the premiere.  (And I totally whiffed on it.)  In a related development, three more sweater vests out of that guy this week!  Again, as the last male in Kansas City who still wears a sweater vest at least once a week, rock it dude.  (Also, a casting note: Ellis’ girlfriend?  Is played by Ahmad and Phylicia Rashad’s daughter.  And yes, she looks like what a lab would spit out if you crossed those two together.)

3. Tom and Julia’s “fight” over Tom’s finding out Ivy has (possibly … ok, probably) slept her way into the part.  Tom: “it’s so unethical!”  This coming from a guy who just found out this info … while on a date with one of his dancers in his current Broadway hit.  Oh hypocrisy.  Apparently the Republican Party doesn’t have a monopoly on you after all.

2. The scene on Karen’s folks porch, where her folks finally sign off on her pursuing her dream of making it big on Broadway.  I loved how low-key this scene was.

1. The scene with Julia and Ellis.  I totally dug this.  The uppity producer put in her place by the lowly assistant.  Julia: (threatening voice) “I fired you once.  I can do it again.”  Ellis: (total smart ass voice) “You can sure try.  Because you already did once, and it kiiiiiiiiiiinda didn’t stick last time, did it.”  And then the capper, “Oh, and I found your notebook.  I know you were really worried about it”, delivered with a smile as Julia realizes this person she thought she could easily dismiss knows every dirty secret about her and the production.

Overall, this was “Smash”’s weakest episode to date … and yet, it was still an entertaining 42 some odd minutes of television.  I can understand why some folks hated it – this episode dealt with a lot of the behind the scenes, inner workings of the business, so to speak.  But hey, I’m an accountant.  I have to love the behind the scenes detail, the inner workings of things.  Otherwise, I’d probably drink myself to sleep every night.  Oh.  Wait.  Ignore that last sentence.

Until next time, one more friendly reminder.  Give “Smash” a chance.  The ratings slipped again last night, but it still somehow beat “Castle” for a third straight week in the key demo’s.  As someone who watches both shows, color me pleasantly surprised …

smash recap: episode two, "the callback"

“I’ll just have to forget the hurt
That came before,
Forget what used to be.

The past is on the cutting room floor --
The future is here with me!
Choose me!”

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Episode two of “Smash” answered the question of who will be chosen to play the lead in “Marilyn: The Musical” (at least for now). I applaud the show for not dragging out the drama.

More importantly, episode two (“The Callback”) more than held its own against the pilot episode. Amazingly, I enjoyed this episode more than the pilot, mostly because (a) I loved the “remake” of “Let Me Be Your Star” (quoted above), and (b) the Derek / Eileen scenes are freaking GOLDEN.

Here then, is your recap for Smash: Episode Two (sadly, still not starring Brian Williams (rimshot)!*)

(*: it’s a running gag on Alan Sepinwall’s site. Every “Friday Night Lights” fan gets what the gag is.)

We open with Karen imagining herself as a lounge singer, covering “Call Me” by Blondie. If Katherine McPhee had done this on “Idol”, I might not have hated her as much as I did. It’s a damned good cover, worth the $1.29 on iTunes.

However, like last week’s opening scene, it’s all in Karen’s mind, and we quickly are dumped back into what her life currently is – waiting tables, dreaming of greatness, working towards attaining that opportunity for greatness. And just as the harshness of life comes crashing down on her again … “Karen! It’s for you!”

Segue from that … to a meeting of the minds – Julia and Tom, Eileen and Derek, still totally deadlocked over who to pick as their Marilyn a week after the initial callbacks. (Side note: not sure if this will continue, but it appears the show is mostly playing out in “real time” at this point. I like this tactic.) Tom is adamant that Ivy is the choice. Derek is lobbying hard for Karen. Eileen and Julia just want this to end. Finally a compromise is reached: another round of callbacks.

Jump from the boardroom … to Broadway ... ok, fine, West 44th Street, as Ivy is seen walking with two of her fellow theater actors / dancers down a street in Midtown. (They even work the Sardi’s awning into the scene. Awesome stuff.) The scenes for a rivalry are set. (And then some, as you’ll find out after the break.)

Jump back to the studio, where Karen is late for her callback, a dance audition with potential supporting cast and Derek as her coach. But wait, who’s that in the back? Is that … yes, it is the dude who was with Ivy a scene before!

And as we come to learn in the next scene, he “volunteered” to help with the audition, to do some recon work for Ivy. Ivy leaves the scene feeling very confident she’ll be our “star”.

(Skipping pointless throw-away adoption scene …)

And we’re back in the writers room, as Julia and Tom are attempting to lay out the baby that matters, their musical. If you loved the closing scene last week (and God knows I did)? Then you’re going to LOVE what “Let Me Be Your Star” has evolved into in week two. Julia lays it out exactly as I would, and since there’s nobody smarter than me*, this is a good thing. Also, a great “put you in your place beyatch!” putdown of Ellis by Julia.

(*: yeah, right. I’m so full of it that port-a-potties at the Sports Complex drool with jealousy.)

Should note before moving on: I know a lot of the critics are ripping the character of Ellis, and I somewhat get why … but I actually kinda like the guy. He’s totally trying to kick Julia out of the way and weasel his way into at least a writing credit to get his career off the ground, and he’s shamelessly doing it. Sometimes having the dirty, rotten scoundrel in your life can be an entertaining thing. And when you’re a show that ostensibly seeks to entertain, in this case, it’s a good thing.

Switch back to the studio, where Karen is still blowing the dance routine, and Derek, out of sheer frustration, bolts out of the room … only to see Ivy conveniently in the hallway. After a “fishing each other out” conversation, Derek’s ready to give her a shot.

So Ivy enters the rehearsal room, and for the first time, our potential leading ladies meet. Let me inject my personal opinion here: I don’t want this to be a true “rivalry”, where one girl hates the other, and vice versa. I hope this gets developed into a “mentor / mentee” type relationship. I highly doubt that will happen, given how dense Karen is, and how subvertive and “willing to do anything to win” Ivy is. But a kid … ok, fine, middle aged dude, can dream.

After an initial awkward interaction, Karen leaves with a door slammed in her face (literally), and … scene.

When we come back, Karen and her boyfriend are grabbing some lunch, and the utter cluelessness of Karen is put on full display.

Cut to Ivy backstage at her current production. Not much there, but a funny scene.

(Skipping the next three minutes due to god awful adoption subplot …)

And we’re back with Eileen, Derek, Eileen’s soon to be ex, and his latest floozy in one helluva hysterical restaurant scene. “Smash” writers and producers: more Eileen versus her sleazy ex, less adoption subplot. Please. Angelica Huston shines in every scene she’s in, and then some. Julia’s husband (and especially) her son are the two worst actors on this show, and I’m fully aware Katherine McPhee is a major player on this show.

We cut next to Eileen and Derek the morning after the restaurant scene, beginning to put the play in motion. More, more, more! Scenes of these two together, please! Angelica Huston and Jack Davenport have tremendous chemistry together. Anything beats …

(Skipping next two plus minutes due to god awful adoption subplot …)

And we’re back, with Karen rushing off to meet her boyfriend at some dinner that he views as important to his job. (OK, fine, I’ll say it: what the holy hell is an obviously British guy doing working as the deputy mayor … in New York City? Michael J. Fox wasn’t British, ditto Chuck Sheen who replaced him*. This is an outrage! No wonder our nation’s finest city is having the issues it is.)

(*: Please, don’t make me have to explain a “Spin City” reference. For God’s sake, even the youngest of the readers of this site should know “Spin City”.)

And in the most predictable scene of all time … Karen gets called back in, and has to miss the dinner date. And cue the predictable blow-up scene in a restaurant … only, her boyfriend reacts? Pretty much like I would*. I knew I liked this guy.

(*: there is NOTHING wrong with being a pushover sometimes. Especially after a fight with a significant other.  It can lead to some, uuh, really fun, uuh "fun"!  Trying to keep this post at least PG13.)

We return from the break with Ivy and Derek rehearsing. Derek’s throwaway comment in the restaurant a few scenes ago – “Ivy tries too hard, Karen can do this but she just doesn’t know how” – shines through in this scene.

And by “trying too hard”? Oh hell yes Ivy totally screws Derek in a valiant effort to get the part! And we jump from the bedroom to … the backroom, where Julia has a heart-to-heart with Karen. And as the scene reaches its climax (rimshot!), we’re left with Ivy and Karen, alone, on opposite ends of the hallway, awaiting the ultimate decision on their future.

Which begins with Karen up first, performing to “Twentieth Century Fox Mambo”. And it’s good. It’s really good. Like last week’s “National Pastime” scene (which still cracks me up every time I watch or listen to it. I mean, how great is it – “’cause all men like to play at the national pastime!” Yes, I’m a sucker for double entendre phrases), it switches between the scene in development, and as it would be in the musical, and I love this ploy. It’s neat. And I say this as someone who is not a big theater or musical fan. These scenes are just killing it. I would absolutely pay to watch this musical when it’s all put together.

And after the final break, we return to a meeting of the minds, finally ready to pick their lead. Julia has been won over by Karen, as apparently has been Eileen. Tom stands up for Ivy … and surprisingly, Derek does as well. (Well, not surprisingly to the viewer (cough “slept with him” cough), but still -- I could have gone the cheap route here and noted he already “stood up for her” (rimshot!) Oh wait, I did just go there, never mind.  Rated R here we come!) Julia sees right through it, her face gives it away, but she stays silent.

So cue to the waiting – Karen working her job, Ivy backstage … and enter Tom, to announce to Ivy that we have our Marilyn … and it’s you. Look it, you can view the way she (most likely) got the job as despicable, fine, but this is a great scene. You genuinely feel good for her to finally get her breakthrough role, and kudos to the writers for (so far, at least) not writing her into a villain, but a worthy adversary to Karen. I enjoyed this moment.

(Plus, people don't tend to resort to last gasp desperate measures, like sleeping with a potential boss ... unless they are last gasp desperate.  I'd say after ten years as a glorified chorus girl, Ivy has hit "last gasp desperate status".)

The next scene? I enjoyed even more, as Derek makes it clear where his loyalties truly lie … and it ain’t with either potential Marilyn. Please, writers and producers, more Derek and Eileen moments! These two are magical when paired together.

We close in a bar / night club, with Ivy, Tom, and her two friends (who I’m sure have names but they weren’t said and I’m too lazy to IMDB search them) celebrating her new gig, and covering Carrie Underwood’s “Crazy Dreams”. It’s bring the house down good – another $1.29 well spent on iTunes.

And … scene. Episode. Fini.

To which I say, "thank God even crazy dreams come true!"

Two hours in, and I am totally digging the direction this show is headed. It’s strongest points to this, uuh, point:

* Katharine McPhee. Yes, she can act. Yes, she can actually sing in a manner that doesn’t lead me to chuck empty beer cans at the TV (unlike when she was on “Idol”, and yes, I was banned from watching “Idol”’s fifth season in the main room after I started hurling empty cans at the big screen.) And no, I don’t suspect we’ve seen the last of her, even though she didn’t get the lead role. (They have understudies for a reason, right?)

* Derek. Anything and everything about Derek. He’s the best “God bless it, this guy is pure sleaze … but I freaking love him!” character in prime time since possibly “Leisure Suit” Larry Dallas on “Three’s Company”? I’m sure there have been some since then (yes, I’m deliberately skipping Sam Malone from “Cheers”, because I refuse to view that guy as “sleazy”), but I love how he genuinely is just … sleazy. Yet lovable.

* Eileen. Am totally loving this character, and anytime Angelica Huston and Jack Davenport share the screen together, it’s captivating.

* Julia. Not her home life – that’s the biggest weakness this show has going (and a potential fatal flaw if they don’t deep six the adoption plotline). But her character. Love that she openly despises Tom’s assistant Ellis, love that she’s the brains behind the operation, and loved her idea of how to use “Let Me Be Your Star” to open the musical.

(On the other hand, the only show to debut in the last five years I've liked more than "Smash" so far, the late great "Swingtown", had a major fatal flaw as well -- Janet.  And by the time it's summer run was over, Janet was one of the best things going on the show.  Oh what am I saying, this adoption plotline is so f*cking retarded that it is beyond redemption ...)

* Ivy. I genuinely like this character, even though she’s set up to be unlikable. The mark of a good actor is when he or she makes you like the character even though you aren’t supposed to. (Think Michael Emerson as Ben Linus in “Lost”, or Brad Leland as Buddy Garrity in “Friday Night Lights”). You genuinely like this chick, and this character.

* Ellis. Hey, any guy that wears a sweater vest has my respect. I thought I was the last guy standing on that front. Plus, I like how they’ve set up the power play between him, Tom and Julia. Should be fun to watch play out.

* The behind the scenes making of a musical. What can I say, I’m a geeky kid. I dig the behind the scenes stuff. (It’s probably why me and DJ were the only two “Studio 60” fans left after week 5 in the KC Metro area.)

Really, the only thing not worth watching, is the adoption subplot (which Alan Sepinwall ensures in today’s recap is MIA for at least the next three episodes. THANK. GOD!)

If you haven’t given “Smash” a chance, you can watch every episode for free at Hulu, or download each episode the morning after on iTunes. This show is good folks. It’s damned good. (In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve read both critics I rely on, Ed Bark and Alan Sepinwall, as well as Robert Bianco at USA Today, say next week’s episode is awful. A letdown is to be expected, I guess, after two hours this good. Plus, even the best of shows put out a clunker or two every year. Christ, the greatest show ever delivered almost a full year of clunkers (Rick Schroder’s final season on “NYPD Blue”, and lived to see four more (pretty damned good) years.)

So don’t “dive in head first” next Monday – get caught up beforehand!

the biggest joke in the metro area

sk: in the interest of fairness, you can click here for KCATA, and here for The JO. Although after today, why you'd ever want to click on either link, I have no idea. Unless its to vent your frustration, anger, and abject disgust at what passes as "mass transit" in a metro area of 2.3 million people, then click away!!!

sk: should probably also note, my car is in the shop with "engine issues". Hence my frustration. Although after "experiencing" all that the KCATA and The JO have to offer? No wonder nobody uses mass transit in this area. What a mother f*cking joke our mass transit is ...

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There’s a few things I’ve been meaning to unload on lately … but this one? This one takes the cake.

Riddle me this, Batman. Let’s say a person who holds a decent, respectable job, and that person lives less than a mile from a MAX bus terminal, needs a ride to work on a Monday morning. And let’s say that person’s ride to work would encompass driving approximately 8 miles (exit 69 to exit 77) on Interstate 435. If this person were to drive his own vehicle on this route, it would take him approximate 15 minutes at the height of rush hour (25-30 if there’s a traffic issue due to a wreck / stalled vehicle, etc.)

How long would you venture a trip from the MAX terminal at Bannister and Drury (in the parking lot where Bannister Mall used to be) to College and Metcalf would take?

I put the over/under at 50 minutes. I figured there’d be at least a few stops along the way (figuring the KCATA was too damned stupid to have freeway bus service), and I built in the stoplights on Bannister or Red Bridge that drive you bat shit crazy (because they’re not synched up, especially on Red Bridge at Little Blue and Wornall).

Uum, well …

I undersold the KCATA … by TWO F*CKING HOURS! Not only would a trip from a MAX Bus Center (also known as a park-and-ride) take 2 hours and 55 minutes according to the KCATA’s own site … said route would not ONCE deposit you on a freeway, and in fact, there is not a single direct bus route at ANY TIME DURING THE DAY from South KC to South Johnson County.

I freely admit, I’m the slowest person walking the planet, so I did a double take at typing in my hoped for route into work this morning … then did a triple take. See, my car is in the shop because it is having engine issues. I won’t have an operational motor vehicle until later Tuesday at the earliest. But I still hoped to at least make it in to work today, since I missed Friday due to the flu bug sweeping my department.

The earliest I could have arrived, using our “state of the art mass transit system”, would be 11:59am … and that assumes it would only take me 22 minutes to WALK from 119th and Roe, to College and Metcalf. (With as cold as it is today, and as snow covered as the sidewalks are, I’m guessing 22 minutes is a generous proposition.)

And if I needed a ride home? I’d have to leave by 3:16pm, walk said 22 minutes back to Rosana Square, and pray the bus was on time … just so I could travel 11 miles out of my way to 55th and Troost, before traveling back to my destination three hours later.

So here’s today’s first b*tch: mass transit in Kansas City is a mother f*cking JOKE. The Kansas City Area Transit Authority should have a flame-thrower taken to it, and clean house from top to bottom.

Let me get this straight: (dierks bentley voice) Am I the only one who wants to have fun tonight? No, wait, let me rephrase that: am I the only person who lives in District 6 (South KC, Ruskin, Grandview Area) that has a job in Johnson County? Because I find that hard to believe. And am I the only person who might need to use public transit to work every now and then from District 6 to south JoCo? Again, I find that extremely hard to believe. And to further hammer the point home: how the f*ck is there not a SINGLE route from a park-and-ride depot to the heart of JoCo’s business district (the College Boulevard corridor) not even 10 miles away?!?!?!

In case you doubt me, here is the link for the route to work I sought this morning. You tell me – YOU TELL ME – where a “direct path” to College Boulevard is. Feel free to type in any coordinates you want, because a direct link doesn’t exist.

I mean, sweet Jesus, how does a freaking AREA transit authority not offer a SINGLE route from a park-and-ride station to College Boulevard?!?! (And I checked – the park and ride at Red Bridge and 71 doesn’t offer a direct College Boulevard route either. The hilarity of that? Red Bridge = College Boulevard. They're the same god damned street! The KCATA literally doesn’t offer a “straight on f*cking ahead” route in south KC! Yay! And to think they’re CUTTING services because people don’t utilize what they offer! Christ, I can’t POSSIBLY imagine why!)

2 hours and 55 minutes to “ride” to work. I live 11.2 miles from work (according to my car’s odometer, and I take a couple back roads once I exit the freeway to bypass a stoplight or three that adds a .1, .2 to the route in the interest of saving 3 minutes on the commute). So we’ll be fair, round up, and call it 12 miles.

You spot me 3 hours? I can walk / jog the 12 miles. With the $3 all day pass saved to boot. What a joke. What a freaking joke mass transit is in Kansas City.

(For the record, I also checked to see how long it would take to go from the park-and-ride depot on Bannister to my old job downtown. 49 minutes, with 4 minutes built in to walk from the drop-off point to the Town Pavilion. Although as you can see from the route on KCATA.org’s site … there’s NO logical reason for the route they chose. Uuh, guys? The Watkins (aka US 71) has been opened free and clear to downtown for pushing eleven years now. Let the Blue Ridge Express handle the long route north, and have a MAX route that utilizes your park-and-ride at Bannister … and hits the Watkins to maximize drive time. Wait, am I thinking logically? No wonder the KCATA and The JO don’t offer routes like this! God forbid LOGIC factor into any mass transit decisions, right Clay Chastain?)

Note to KCATA and The JO: people live all over the metro area. This you clearly recognize, as given your variety of routes and schedules. But further note to KCATA and The JO: people WORK all over the metro area. You apparently don’t realize this, given your complete LACK of variety of routes and schedules, especially between KCMO and “The Golden Ghetto”.

Screw you, JO and KCATA. You cost me 8 hours of pool time this summer because of your retarded bus schedules today.

Worse yet, you probably cost me the “date” I’ve waited a f*cking lifetime for tomorrow night, because there’s no bus routes between south KC and the City Market after 9pm! Let that one sink in – we’re the 31st largest Nielsen Market (at 974,820 households as of 2010) … and don’t have legitimate mass transit once the sun goes down! Sure, I could “walk” home from the City Market tomorrow night … and probably get raped, mugged, beaten, and at least assaulted while walking the Watkins … and possibly stumble into bed at 5am …

To make a 8am bus ride that gets me to work 3 f*cking hours later. (keyshawn Johnson voice) COME ON MAN!

a couple site previews (possibly)

Well, how is everyone out there in Readerland doing? Hopefully good. I’m personally on cloud nine right now, amazingly enough not due to (a) alcohol, (b) a controlled substance, (c) a promotion, raise, and/or other professionally related reason, or (d) anything I have initiated on my own. Read into that what you want.

Just wanted to drop a “what I’m thinking of posting”, uuh, post.

*I’m working on a “Stevo Style” rebuttal to Seth Davis’ pathetic column at SI.com today defending the gutless, ballless, childish decision by KU to “end” the rivalry with Mizzou. (Guess you can figure out how I feel about it.) Mr. Davis’ column is good for one thing, and one thing only: print it out, and use it as a backup in case the stall is out of toilet paper. Or better yet, use it as toilet paper whether said paper is available or not. It’s a disgraceful effort out of one of the better college basketball writers.

* Started this awhile ago, let it sit, and now I’m revisiting it: Stevo Looks Back at the 2000s. There’s a lot in this one, probably a multi-parter over a drawn out period of time (I started typing in November 2009 … and I’m only up to midway through 2007 … and I’m already at 63 typed pages in Word). Not all of it is positive – I’m willing to deal with my personal issues from the early part of the decade (hello DUI! Hello gambling addiction! Wait, that one still exists, never mind), as well as the fun moments (“Oh yeah? Well you majored in Asshole 101!” God, I miss that man often …), and the “only in Stevo’s Universe does this happen” moments (Memorial Day Weekend 2000. Let’s just say, “The Voice of Reason” owes me one for the sacrifice I made as a result of that debacle. So the owe board moves to what, +35,493 in favor of G? Or +35,492? Tough call.)

* Did I mention that a bowling team named “Have You Seen My Headpin” currently has a 6 ½ game lead (with 40 to play, 36 of which count) in the “longest running bowling league in Johnson County”? I didn’t? Well, we do have that lead … and as confirmed by our commish last week, this is JoCo’s longest consecutively running bowling league, since 1961. That means this league is SIXTEEN YEARS OLDER than your current leader’s oldest member. (Oh, wait, that’s me. SONOFA!!! …) We play a doormat tomorrow, albeit a decent doormat – they somehow keep finding ways to lose by 2 pins every game. ( We took 3 of 4 in our first matchup with them, and have one more to go after this one tomorrow. To our great Commish’s credit, we have the PERFECT number of teams – you face every other team three times in games that count, then the final night it’s a “what the f*ck, let’s have fun” get-together that ends in the fifth frame of game one, as everyone heads for the bar.)

* So in honor of Team Headpin actually being the odds-on favorite to win this league, somehow, someway, with (a) zero bowlers having a 180 plus average, (b) two bowlers (sadly) barely speaking to each other, and (c) the most cocky, arrogant, self-absorbed team captain ever (and hey, that ain’t me … although we love DJ for his “I won’t let us lose” attitude, because, well, he doesn’t let us lose! Hey!) … here’s my favorite clip from the “Smash” premiere.

I LOVED the original score, I LOVED the dueling vocalists, and like Ellis (the Hispanic looking dude at the end of the table), I simply sat and enjoyed the HELL out of this “duel”. If THIS is what “Smash” is going to deliver every week? MORE! MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!

(Again: I NEVER pimp shows with a “tune in if you know what’s good for you” plotline, save for “Friday Night Lights”, and again, as “The Voice of Reason” can confirm, I NAILED “Friday Night Lights”. I know rock star TV when I see it. Smash? Is Rock Star TV of the HIGHEST quality. Next Monday, 9PM CT. Get caught up on Hulu. Let “Smash” Be Your Star!!! Sweet JESUS, did this scene kill …)

must see tv returns to nbc

In the interest of full disclosure … I watch more TV than the average bear.

To be fair, most of it is sports. Especially basketball. Having said that, for all the TV I watch, its not often I strongly encourage you, the readers, in written word to actually tune in and watch something. (Save for “Friday Night Lights”, which as the Voice of Reason can confirm, I was 110% right about. Even if it took him six years and a boatload of ESPN Classic reruns to figure it out.)

When you couple my reluctance to “pimp shows I love” with the fact that the show I’m about to HIGHLY recommend you invest an hour of your week in, stars my most hated American Idol contestant ever, AND its about making a Broadway musical, not exactly something I find entertaining?

Yeah. That’s how epically good NBC’s new “Smash” is.

“Smash” technically debuts on Monday night (9pm CT) on NBC, but you can view the first episode at Hulu right now for free. I can’t believe I’m about to say this … but this is the best pilot episode for a show I’ve seen since “Swingtown” four years ago. Unlike “Swingtown”, I don’t think “Smash” is going to infuriate our “good friends” that are “socially conservative”. (Read into the “”’s whatever you want. See how I manage to insult a group of people without technically insulting them? TALENT!)

Also, unlike “Swingtown”, I don’t see this show being a one-and-doner. This show’s got serious potential. Thanks to the most unlikely of reasons (at least to me, and anyone else who never caught “McPheever”).

First, the primary characters, and yes, they somehow pretty much all interact together in a “Six Degrees of Separation” kind of way (only not as awfully as the characters in “Six Degrees” did five years ago):

* Debra Messing plays Julia, one half of the play writing duo. Her writing partner is Tom (played by Christian Borle). A chance conversation with Tom’s new assistant Ellis (played by Jamie Cepero) leads this Tony-winning duo currently responsible for Broadway’s biggest hit to decide to undertake a new play, based on the life of Marilyn Monroe. (As Julia’s husband puts it, “Marilyn … THE Musical!” As Julia’s son puts it, when asked what he thinks of when he hears the word Marilyn: “Baltimore? Manson?” There’s some really funny one liners in this thing.)

In order to get the play to work, however, you need more than two incredibly talented writers. Specifically, you need a producer, a director, and a lead. Whoever cast this show? Nailed the first, drilled the second, and somehow got me to overcome my hatred of half of the third, while loving the hell out of the other half …

* Anjelica Huston plays Eileen, the producer. She’s currently going through a divorce, and agrees to sign on as producer to establish a revenue stream separate from her company, which is currently in escrow. (As well as to prove that “the rumors of my demise are very premature”, another great one-liner.) The scene where she walks into the final round of auditions looks cheesy in the promos NBC has been running, but it works perfectly when put into context of the scene it’s contained in.

* Jack Davenport plays Derek, the director. In the interest of full disclosure, Mr. Davenport starred in “Swingtown”, and anyone who was a major part of that late, great show, I have a predisposed liking for. After his three main scenes in the “Smash” premiere? I cannot WAIT to see how this character gets developed. I suspect he will be the next great “character you love to hate … but really actually like because you hate him so much” member of prime time, filling the hole that has existed in prime time since Ben Linus opted to stay in the Sideways world in the final episode of “Lost”.

* Broadway veteran Megan Hilty plays one of the two leads vying for the role of Marilyn Monroe, playing an established Broadway actress named Ivy. You will note the resemblance to Ms. Monroe, on-screen and in-print persona, almost immediately. And she’s damned good too – she lights up every scene she’s in. You genuinely like her. Hell, she’s so good, that even as you watch the pilot and realize the show’s writers are trying to get you to root against her, you STILL root for her. I would pay damned good money to see her on Broadway. This chick has SICK talent. And yet …

* What SHOCKED the living hell out of me, was my reaction to the other lead vying for the role of Marilyn Monroe. And that would be “American Idol” Season Five runner-up Katharine McPhee, who plays Karen. Let me state up front, that 26 seconds into the pilot episode, I was ready to pull the plug. (Ms. McPhee reprises what was either her finest hour from “Idol” (if you liked her), or “Idol”’s lowest moment ever (if you hated her, as I did).) As soon as she starts singing in the debut scene, your biases from “Idol” kick in.

Until the thirty second mark. And then, the writers of “Smash” flip the script. Believe me, if you hate Katharine McPhee, just give the first minute of “Smash” a view, if only to enjoy how the opening scene ends. (And if you hated Ms. McPhee, you will be standing and applauding at how the first minute ends.)

Most incredibly, if after that first minute, you don’t begin to at least see why a large chunk of America kept backing this girl every week (at the expense of Daughtry and my rubber chicken in the season five race, Elliott Yamin)? Then don’t continue watching. Because if you enter this pilot episode with an open mind, you’ll emerge 40 some odd minutes later angry that you won’t see any new episodes for another week.

(The final scene, especially, builds brilliantly to next week’s episode. You will want to tune in for week two with “Let Me Be Your Star” embedded in your brain by the time the scene is over.)

I cannot even begin to express what a reveal Ms. McPhee is on the small screen as an actress. She’s remarkably good. This is the perfect vehicle for her. And yet, as good as her scenes are (the scene in Derek’s apartment between Karen and Derek is really good, and I LOVED the scene with McPhee’s character and her boyfriend (Dev, played by Raza Jaffrey)), the best scene is without question the “National Pastime”, which not only showcases Ms. Hilty’s immense talent, and not only gives you the viewer a look into how a Broadway act is developed and comes together (great use of switching between the current and the future in this scene) … but it’s just damned fun. And call me a dreamer, say I’m a little naïve, but isn’t that what prime time television is supposed to be? Fun? Enjoyable? “Smash” is both of those words, and THEN some.

By the time you get through the “National Pastime” scene, you’re only halfway into the episode, and you’ll find yourself liking what you’re watching so much, that you wish you could pull up Netflix or head to a Redbox and be able to view the whole season. (Or, at the very least, if you’re like me, you’ll rewind the “National Pastime” scene a couple times in utter shock that a NETWORK, not cable, NETWORK television show has developed something this damned enjoyable to watch.)

The pilot really sets up well where the show intends to go. Some plot lines are cliché (the producers are torn over who to pick as their Marilyn, although the contrast between the two potential leads makes it kind of obvious … ok, at least I think it makes it obvious … how this will get resolved; Eileen’s divorce feels forced, and the promos seem to back up my thoughts on that). Some are utterly retarded – the Julia and her husband adoption plot seemed like a way to fill four minutes that I think could have been better spent elsewhere.

But if the biggest complaint you have after watching the pilot is that one throwaway scene used to establish one of the writers family dynamic (guessing Julia and her husband can’t have any more kids), was a little boring? When THAT’S all you’ve got in the complaints box? You’ve got one helluva winning effort on your hands.

Which, I hope, is what NBC has with “Smash”. This show is good folks. It’s really good. The pilot is amazing, and the potential this show holds is incredible. If you wait until Monday to watch the premiere? Great. Just be sure to DVR it, I’ll explain why three sentences from now.

If you watch it on Hulu or iTunes? Make sure you see it twice. The first time you watch, prepare to be amazed. The second time, when you know what’s coming? Prepare to be extremely impressed at the intricate little details the show pays attention to.

For tradition’s sake, the pilot gets at 14-2 on the Theismann Rating Scale*, and the potential the remaining 12 episodes have gets an 11-5. Alan Sepinwall gave the first four episodes a B+ cumulative grade, and Ed Bark gave the pilot an A. Those are the only two television critics I even pay a moment’s worth of attention to, because they’re the two best in the business. And they’re buying what “Smash” is selling.

(*: the “Theismann Rating Scale” was developed by (go figure) Joe Theismann, who used to assign NFL regular season records to films he would review back when “The Deuce”, now known as ESPN2, was just starting out. Needless to say, the Chiefs have NEVER gone 14-2 … which should tell you how highly I think of the pilot episode.)

Watch this show. You will NOT regret it ...