a day to celebrate?

denver fired head coach mike shanahan today.

shanahan, affectionately known as "shanarat" in my circle, for both his obvious rat-like appearance (the overbite, dear Jesus, how annoying can you get. Plus he always looked like he had a tail tucked between his legs) and for his amazing rat-like ability to escape from any situation (like a rat on a sinking ship).

I always envisioned the day that man met his demise in denver, I'd be doing backflips down the hallway. (To be fair, that's not possible right now; my old mattress is sitting there waiting for big item pickup on Friday). I thought I'd be so ecstatic that I'd immediately drive to that little piece of heaven on the gravel road of 15th Street in unincorporated Douglas County and promptly drop $100 on some quality adult entertainment performed by someone not named "Breezy".

Sadly, I don't feel that way.

I feel ... fear.

Look it, I am thrilled that shanarat is gone from denver. The man is a tremendous head coach. He's unquestionably one of the top 5 offensive minds in the game. He is always locked into the immediacy of the situation. Unlike our current head coach, he never wastes challenges, calls two timeouts on the same play, or lacks a basic understanding of clock management 101, game management 101, or talent development 101. I think it speaks volumes that denver has spent the last 3 years "rebuilding" from the 2005 AFC Title Game appearance ... and in 2 of those 3 years, simply needed a week 17 win to reach the playoffs.

mike shanahan is a brilliant head coach, and the Chiefs are unquestionably better off now that he's out of denver.

At least until we see who his replacement is.

To me, the obvious hire for denver at this point is Bill Cowher. I will probably puke in whatever I'm drinking if and when it happens ... but how can it not? Cowher wants final say, and the ability to hire his front office. Well, denver needs both a coach and a GM now that shanarat is gone. Cowher (I would think) wants to take over a team that's at least talented. denver is definitely that -- 24-24 the last three years, only four years removed from hosting the AFC Title Game. And Cowher has to want an established proven QB in place, I would think. jay cutler may still have a ways to go ... but he's far better than anything we've got. Or that oakland has. And I don't think he's any better or worse than Phil Rivers.

And what of shanarat? PFT posted my nightmare scenario tonight. Let's say "Stanley Roper" pulls a, uuh, Stanley Roper, and the Chargers get rolled Saturday night by the Colts. (Note: I do not think this will happen. I actually believe the Chargers will not only win Saturday night ... they will reach Super Bowl XLIII. I LOVE their draw, and they're peaking at just the right time. Just like the Giants, the Steelers, the Bucs, the Ravens from earlier this decade).

But let's say Indy wins something like 30-10. There's no way San Diego can bring Stanley Roper (aka Norv Turner) back. No way. 8-8 is bad enough, and a firable offense given the talent there ... but they still got in. Its not how you get in, its how you finish. A solid ass kicking at Qualcomm, and AJ Smith has to pull the plug on Mr. Roper.

And why wouldn't he consider shanarat as the replacement?

Cowher in denver. shanarat in San Diego.

Both could happen before we even know who the hell Clark Hunt has in mind for a GM candidate. Let alone before we learn the fate of our coaching staff.

Yeah, its nice to see we pushed Carl out the door two weeks early for this ...

this week's song i'm digging

Either I'm losing my mind ... or someone's stash is getting to me. I mean, someone's stash of music, of course. (keyshawn johnson voice) Come on man!

Because this week's pick is "Mad" by Ne-Yo.

I actually asked "what the hell is a Ne-Yo?" a few months ago. I had no clue. (Go figure, white guy from The JC with no clue who Ne-Yo is. Stunning).

Then I started listening to the cd the roomie put on my ITunes player.

And all I could think was, awesome. Awesome, awesome stuff.

I think this song is the best of the group.

(And is now playing on Sirius as Ne-Yo's latest single).

Well worth the $.99 on ITunes, or go drop the cash on the entire cd, between this, "Closer", and "Miss Independent", its well worth the investment.

For the cheap ones among us, the Youtube! clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc0uPY10mGI

The lyrics as you listen along:

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why we're fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

a top 10

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Between the holiday, various parties, and my 5 weeks and counting cold that won't go away, I've been slacking.

But as the year winds down, its always a good time for reflection. Which I figure to do a lot of over the next couple days. But until then, my 10 favorite event filled (non-nephew being born) days of 2008:

Honorable mention: Friday July 18th to Sunday July 20th. Float Trip 08! Still the most unreal scene of the year: when one of the guys there hauled out the breathalyzer on Saturday night. He said the thing would under-report us (he was right). There were maybe 5 of us still upright. I remember Scottie blew a .14, which with the under-report, means he was likely pushing .20. Heath was also in the .14, .15 range. Burke was literally passed out, we had to wake him up to blow. He blew a .18. I seemed perfectly fine to everyone, including myself ... and I blew a .18. The lesson? Either I have amongst the greatest tolerances for alcohol known to man ... or I need a rehab stint. Possibly both. (every person that knows steve voice) possibly?!?!

10. (tie) Saturday August 2nd and Sunday August 3rd. Not surprisingly, these were the two hottest days of the summer, with the temperature well above 100 both days. And the Royals at home both days against the White Sox. The only person dumb enough to head out there with me each day was Dusty ... but really, if you can't get fired up about spending 7-8 hours outside when its 106 degrees and there isn't a cloud in the sky ... well, then you should never live in Texas. I have said it before, and I will say it again: any day in which you wake up, and its already hot enough at 7, 7:30 in the morning, that putting on a t-shirt seems insane, THAT is the perfect Steve Day! And we had two of them! Back to back! Great freaking weekend.

9. Tuesday, July 15th. 311! Snoop Dogg! The debut of the vodka jello trays, (hopefully not) the last great get-together of the "husband, wife and mistress" era. Brent with a freaking towel wrapped around his head while stalking Tech Nine. Good (partially) alcohol-fueled times had by all, that's for sure.

8. Wednesday September 3rd. We managed to get into the city wide trivia final via our finish at Hooters on this night. But what stood out to me was after I got home. Fired up the TiVo. And sat to watch the most amazing 40, 45 minute political speech of my life by Governor Palin. I am not a Republican, although I did vote for McCain. I will never be accused of being a conservative. But even I, me, Steve, the "loony liberal", as Heath likes to call me ... even I was standing and applauding. I have never heard a speech as perfectly delivered as hers was that night. I fear we haven't heard the last from the Governor.

7. Friday November 14th. The Matt Nathanson concert! More fun alcohol fueled times had by all! (steve closing his eyes, wishing he hadn't inhaled, and singing along voice) "Cause I could fall alone if all, if I could fall away / Cause you've been so wrong ... for so long ... now ... / And your new anthems that you breathe? I've got you on my answering machine!" Great night.

6. Saturday November 29th. Man, November was fun. The Bucks Party, Matt Nathanson ... and "the drive that will define his career". Reesing! Meier! Touchdown Hawks! Touchdown Hawks! Holy freaking shite, touchdown Hawks! woffort from 52 for the tie at the gun ... no! no good! Hawks win! Hawks win! Hawks win! I love beating mizzou ...

5. Saturday April 5th. A game that was at least 5 years in the making. Hawks. Tar Heels. Final Four. A beatdown that just never gets old to watch. Which of course, led to ...

4. Monday April 7th. Whoa, a national championship for my favorite collegiate team ... and it ranks fourth?!?! What the hell?!?! Yes, there were three days I loved more than this one. Although this one ... hell, any day, any single play, that causes me to hit the floor, curl up in the fetal position, and bawl my eyes out for four straight minutes, all while pounding the floor and screaming "yes! yes! hell f*cking yes! woo! woo!" or some variation of that ... its a good thing. Chalmers ... SWISH!!!

3. Monday, March 31st. The day the owe board finally stopped spinning faster than the national debt clock. Although go figure, "former roommate" has not done right financially by either me or Dusty. Shocking, I know, that "former roommate" would be utterly irresponsible, wouldn't do the right thing, and would screw someone over because he's utterly, uuh, irresponsible, incapable of doing the right thing, and doesn't think twice of screwing someone over. I believe it was Justin Timberlake who noted that "what goes around, goes around, goes around, always comes back around". And it will pal. You can bet your mother f*cking free-loading ass it will.

2. Thursday January 3rd. Memorable for three reasons. First, I turned 31 (hooray me!). Another year on this planet recorded in the books. Secondly, KU scored arguably the biggest win in football program history, by defeating Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl 24-17 to cap a 12-1 season. A win that legitimized the season, legitimized our appearance in the BCS. A win that was just neat.

Thirdly, and finally, I was in Des Moines that night watching the game, on my way to Milwaukee for my cousin's wedding. Thursday January 3rd just happened to be the night of the Iowa caucuses. I was in Iowa the night the President elect officially arrived on the scene as a force to be reckoned with. I still remember sitting up in the hotel room and watching the news until 1:30, 2 in the morning. America changed permanently for the better that night. And I'm damned glad I was at ground zero to witness it.

But the day that stands out above all others ...

1. Sunday, September 28th. Chiefs 33, donkeys 19. What else needs to be said. To beat that team, and to know three months later that it directly cost them a playoff berth? I freaking hate the denver broncos, I so freaking hate that team ...

one, two, three in a row! for our milwaukee bucks!

Huge, huge, huge win last night at the Bradley Center by the Bucks over a damned good Jazz team. Bucks led 50-38 at the half, and after Redd hit the team's only three pointer of the night midway through the 3rd, they led 61-42.

Then, the collapse was on. A 22-8 Jazz run cut the lead to 5 entering the 4th quarter, and a 10-3 Jazz run tied the game at 77. Milwaukee finally pulled away thanks to some clutch play by Michael Redd, and two huge free throws by Ramon Sessions. Bucks 94, Jazz 86.

Most importantly, last night's win got the Bucks to 14-16. Which, if the playoffs started today ... is good enough to qualify for said playoffs.

John Hollinger's playoff odds at espn.com (my favorite thing on their site) sets the Bucks odds of making it in at 84%. It projects us as the 5 seed in the East, at 44-38.

(the link: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/hollinger/playoffodds)

If you're a Bucks fan, you have to be feeling good heading into the New Year. Noone had a tougher start to the season schedule wise (18 of 28 on the road -- no other team opened worse than 13 home /15 road on the split). The Bucks not only did enough to stay alive, they did enough to position themselves to now begin a run to the middle of the Eastern pack.

Consider the next ten games on the schedule:

Sat Dec 27: vs Pistons
Tues Dec 30: at Spurs
Wed Dec 31: at Rockets
Fri Jan 2: vs Bobcats
Sat Jan 3: at Bobcats
Mon Jan 5: vs Raptors
Wed Jan 7: vs 76ers
Fri Jan 9: vs Nets
Sat Jan 10: at Timberwolves
Mon Jan 12: at Wizards

There's no reason the Bucks can't go 6-4 in that stretch and get back to .500. (I actually think 8-2 is not an unrealistic goal, especially if we hold serve at home Saturday night against the Pistons).

And it gets better after that stretch of games, as the rest of January sees only two games the Bucks figure to struggle in (at Hawks, at Blazers) ... and the Bucks only play 4 road games in February. In fact, from February 4th to February 22nd, a span of 18 days, the Bucks leave Milwaukee once -- a quick flight to Detroit to face the Pistons on the 17th.

No matter how you look at it, there's one conclusion you have to reach.

These guys are Ready to Rise!

Party on Saturday night ...

a painful post to, uuh, post

So I read today on espn.com that Herm is "somewhat disappointed" with the ongoing GM search to replace Carl Peterson.

Really. "Somewhat disappointed".

Herm, let me speak directly to you, as your (former) biggest backer, your (former) biggest fan, the person who nearly nutted on himself when you were announced as head coach.

I. Me. Steve. Am "extremely disappointed" in your piss poor tenure as our head coach.

And cannot wait until the unemployment door slaps your ass a week from Monday.

Sir, you entered this job with a world of possibilities in front of you. You literally had the ability to shape a franchise in the palm of your hand. Instead, too often, the challenge flag resided in that palm, and was needlessly and stupidly tossed onto the field as a result.

Your clock management skills make a 7 year old look bright and intelligent. As I once famously noted on the old site, following your one and only playoff defeat as our head coach:

-----

I just ... truly, I stood there watching that game, watching our "offense" on the field, and three things flowed through my brain. (1) vodka. (2) orange juice. (3) Brett and Shannon's kid, he's what, 5 months old? Looking at him on the floor, drooling and doing whatever the hell else little kids do, it hit me that 5 month old Jack has more going for him upstairs, right now, than ANYONE on our offensive coaching staff. I'd rather have a 5 month old point to a f*cking toy to determine a play to run, than have anyone on this staff call a play at this point. I can see it now:

(jack) (points at star)
(steve) ok, that means run! Pitch left. Break!
(jack) (smiles)
(steve) ok, 3 wide, out pattern to Gonzalez! Break!

-----

Its amazing how that was the "high" point of the Coach Herm era.

Herm, you're "somewhat disappointed" in the GM search? Buddy, its a search that wouldn't be necessary if you weren't 2-21 in games that count over the last year and a half. Its a search that wouldn't be necessary if you and your good pal Bill Kuharich hasn't botched the franchise QB pick worse than the Supreme Court f*cked up Bush v Gore.

And its a search that wouldn't be necessary if you had any clue, concept, or even slight intuition into what it takes to win in the modern NFL.

Ball control, power running, and power defense don't win in this league anymore, pal. It hasn't won in this league for a while. I sadly took a long, long time to recognize this ... but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and watch the team I love (and pay to support) p*ss away another hire.

The future of the NFL is offense, specifically the spread offense. With a defense that has just enough man coverage options to force 4 punts / turnovers per game. You get that, you can win 12 games, a division, and a conference championship in this league.

With Herm at the helm, we have no shot of any of those things occurring.

The beginning of the end was Miami in 2006. A well coached, disciplined team doesn't lose that game. Not at 5-3, facing a 1-7 squad in ideal weather conditions. We not only lost, we weren't a factor. Ditto three weeks later in Cleveland, when a 7-4 Chiefs squad was embarrassed by a 2-9 Browns team going nowhere fast.

As detailed elsewhere on this site, we have either led or been within a possession at the half in 10 of our 14 games so far this year. We have lost 8 of those 10. It takes an utterly inept, clueless coaching staff to continually fail as miserably and consistently as Coach Herm and his staff have failed.

And the same was true down the stretch last year -- in our 9 game losing streak to end the year, we led or were within a possession at the half in 7 of those games. We lost all 7. To go 2-15 in your last 17 contested ballgames, you have to try to be that bad.

My way of saying ... I am doing the unthinkable tomorrow.

I will not be in my usual spot in section 132, row 26, seat 2.

I will not be showing up for the final home game of the Carl Peterson era. And what should be the final home game of the Herm Edwards experiment.

If you are going tomorrow, good for you. I hope you bundle up, stay warm, and boo the living hell out of everything and everyone affiliated with this franchise, including our sudden risen Lord and Savior Clark Hunt. (Really? It took you 3 f*cking years to figure out the game had passed Carl by. Really? 3 years? You couldn't figure it out on your own before now? And yet people think he's not going to f*ck up the GM hire. Because clearly, if it takes him 3 f*cking years to grasp that Carl Peterson has outlasted his usefulness, Clark Hunt will make a damned good hire to replace him. If we give him 3 years to hire someone, I guess.)

Anyways, I will not be there tomorrow. I don't see any reason to go. This team has whizzed on every loyal fan in the club level it has. It has raised my ticket prices 200% in 7 years for 0 playoff wins. (yay!) I'll be damned if they're getting even $.01 more out of me than what I've already written off.

Clark, do us all a favor. Hire yourself a liason who grasps modern day football. Appoint him as our de facto owner. And let him call the shots in replacing Carl and Herm. Because if it took you three f*cking years to see this abortion that Carl and Herm constructed isn't good enough to meet minimal competition standards, you have no business picking their replacements ...

a star is born, and his name is brandon roy

I know that I am pretty much one of only three people in this town that loves the NBA. Most years, I get made fun of for loving a league that is often accused of being nothing but a bunch of thugs, a bunch of weed-loving sex addicts who have more tats than teeth. (To which I always want to reply, being a weed-loving sex addict is a bad thing how? How is that bad? How is that even remotely a negative thing? Seriously, if you were in your 20s, you were making millions of dollars, and sleeping in a different city every night, you mean you wouldn't hook up with as many hot pieces of ass as you could, all while toking up on the finest green known to man? Of course you would. So I don't get this argument against the league. I think its just professional jealousy. Anyways, back to the point of the post ...)

Which is that last night, was proof positive why I love this sport.

Its about 9:15. The roommate trots off to bed. I pour myself another glass of shiraz, get online for a little bit ... and am not even remotely tired. So I head back into the main room and wade through an episode of NCIS that was TiVo'd. And when that was over, I turn the channel to TNT to see how Phoenix at Portland is going.

It's halftime. Chuck, Kenny and EJ are showing highlights of Jameer Nelson's awesome 4th quarter against the Spurs to lead the Magic to victory in the first game of the night.

Oh, the halftime score? Phoenix 64, Portland 59. My kind of game.

So, I pour myself yet another glass of shiraz, settle in under the blanket, and prepare for the second half.

Shaq was a monster last night. Portland had no answer for him in the paint. He wound up with 19. Amare was en fuego as well, tossing in 23. Arguably the most underrated free agent signing of the offseason, Matt Barnes, tossed in 22, including three clutch 3s, the last of which I feared would break Portland's back midway through the 4th quarter.

Phoenix nailed back to back 3s with (I believe) Jason Richardson and then an unreal heave by Steve Nash to go up 12 midway through the 3rd. I got up to pour another glass of shiraz, figuring I'd be done after the 3rd quarter. Phoenix up 12. They're hitting from everywhere. Not looking good at this point for the Blazers.

Cue Brandon Roy.


(you freaking rock dude! photo: ap, greg wahl-stephens)

I'm going to pull from the play-by-play recap at nba.com, because honestly, the next three minutes, Roy put on a f*cking clinic. Its maybe the best three minutes of basketball I've seen someone play this year, and there's rarely a night that goes by that I'm not flipping through the League Pass for a couple hours.

Score: 84-72 Suns, 5:41 to go, 3rd quarter.

Free throw, Roy. 84-73 Suns.
Free throw, Roy. 84-74 Suns.
Free throw, Nash. 85-74 Suns.
3 pointer, Roy. 85-77 Suns.
Free throw, Richardson. 86-77 Suns.
Jumper, Roy. 86-79 Suns.
3 pointer, Roy. 86-82 Suns.
Roy steal and layup. 86-84 Suns.
Charge called on Nash. Drawn by? You guessed it. Roy.
Free throw, Roy. 86-85 Suns.
Free throw, Barnes. 87-85 Suns.
3 pointer, Blake. Assist by? You guessed it. Roy. 88-87 Blazers, 2:55 to go.

In a little under 3 minutes, Roy scored 13 points, had a steal, drew a charge, and had the assist on the three that put Portland up for the first time since early in the game. Unreal. Just unreal. He literally erased a 12 point deficit by himself.

And he was just getting started.

Jump ahead to the fourth quarter. 3:47 to go. Stoudamire has just put the Suns up 114-111. The game has just been unreal, trading shot for shot, blow for blow. Neither team could get up more than 5 after the Blazers took the 88-87 lead. The only two times the lead reached even 4 was (a) early 4th quarter, when a pair of Roy free throws put Portland up 104-99, and(b) midway through the 4th, when a Stoudamire jumper made it 110-106. (A three that was promptly answered by a three pointer from ... wait for it ... you guessed it, Brandon Roy).

Anyways, the Rose Garden is rocking. I'm two more glasses of shiraz in, and still glued to the broadcast. You just knew the way this game had gone, something amazing was going to unfold.

(note: this is yet another reason I love the NBA more than college hoops. 114 to 111, and there's still 4 minutes to play! There's no Big 10 / SEC 41-39 final scores in this league champ!)

(one other note: there is no cooler arena in the NBA, visually anyways, to me than the Rose Garden. The fans are literally right on the court. Its the only pro team in Portland, and the fan support is legendary. Just give them a reason to be even remotely interested and they'll rock the house. They sell out every game. I love the court design, its one of my three favorites in the league. Its the only home court in the league that can match a college atmosphere right now (MSG can when the Knicks are good). I love it).

Roy drives and is fouled. Hits both free throws. 114-113 Suns.
Roy rebounds an Amare miss. Drills the jumper. 115-114 Blazers.
Barnes drains a three from the corner. 117-115 Suns.
Blake and Nash trade free throws. 119-117 Suns.
Roy drives, kicks out to Aldridge, who lets it fly from 18, double covered, as the shot clock expires ... (bob davis voice) swish! 119 up, 84 seconds to go! Timeout Suns!

The Suns run a set play to Richardson. Miss! Rebound Aldridge! As the Blazers run down the floor, Roy spots up for three. Open look. The shot ... (bob davis voice) swish! 122-119 Blazers! 59 seconds to go! The Rose Garden is going nuts. The TNT guys are going nuts. Hell, I stood and was fist pumping, and I don't really give a crap about either team.

(Seriously, watch the replay of this game winning three. Just to watch the fans reaction. It really is a college like atmosphere. Right down to everyone rising, raising the arms, the collective inhale of the crowd as the shot goes up ... and the pandemonium reaction when it touches nothing but net. I freaking love the Rose Garden. Portland fans, you freaking rock!)

The Suns had the ball one last time. Nash missed a three. Our boy Brandon grabbed the board. The Suns never touched the ball again, thanks to two key offensive rebounds. The Suns finally fouled Roy with 12 seconds left, and he tacked on the margin of victory free throws.

Blazers 124, Suns 119. An instant classic. Roy finished with 52. 52! Definitely worth catching the replay on NBA TV whenever it airs.

Here's hoping the Bucks game tonight is just 50% as thrilling as last night's battle was ...

a sweet new addition is on the way!

Update! 12/18 10:38pm CT: the first podcast will record on Sunday after the Chiefs game. Assuming me and the first featured guest are not frozen solid after the game, this should be a rock solid "free flowing conversation that occasionally touches on adult topics". And considering we've been trading "which friend(s) most match up with this character" emails for the last couple days, it should rock. Apparently, my love of booze, my inability to pass on a toke off the good stuff, my smart ass attitude, and my sexual frustration levels have nailed me the role of Brian the Dog. Yay me. I guess. I'm sure I won't get made fun of on the inaugural podcast for that. "Cool Hwip". "Ru-eened". "But you were my deuche Brian. You were my deuche!" Good God, this is gonna be really special ...

Until then, remember: "Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. Tonight, we're going to look back at all the partial nudity network television used to offer. Remember this side boob? Check out this side boob! How about this side boob? That turn you on? Well it shouldn't ... because that's my side boob. Good night everyone!"

--------------------

This site is entering the early 2000s later this week with the debut of a podcast! I don't have a name yet ... or a theme song ... hell, I don't even have a regular guest rotation.

But I do have the first guest lined up and ready to contribute, and the first topic of free flowing conversation will be ... well, if you know what show featured the hit sitcom "You Cheeky Bastard" as a staple of its Wednesday night comedy lineup, then you know what the first topic is.

Hopefully we can work our schedules out to get this thing recorded tomorrow. Otherwise, it probably won't go down until Sunday.

But I'm excited about this. This ... as the inspirational, honorary, legendary, incredible, brilliant, worship-worthy greatness that is Mr. Hugh M. Hefner noted on the 200th episode of Roseanne back in the day, "this is something that is going to be really special".

At least I hope it is. And if not, hell, I'm willing to try just about anything once ...

(crowded house voice) hey now hey now ... wait ... DO dream its over!!!

"steve just bought two bottles of champagne to celebrate king carl's demise, and he doesn't intend to share ..." -- me, on my facebook page an hour ago.

--------------------

And so, this is how it ends.

Not with some grandiose press conference, some congratulatory, self-serving "mission accomplished" type charade. It ends with a press release, late in the afternoon, a day after arguably the greatest collapse in franchise history.

The reign of King Carl is over.

Rather than completely bury the man though, I come to attempt to objectively look at the man who literally saved football in Kansas City.

Because the only reason I'm able to write this tonight, is because in December 1988, a young, promising, up and coming executive with one championship under his belt (with the Philadelphia Stars of the USFL) chose to take on the biggest rebuilding project in the NFL.

People forget just how wretched this team was when Carl arrived. It was only two years earlier, coming off the first playoff berth in 15 years, that former GM Jim Schaff fired coach John Mackovic largely on the advice of his place kicker. Let that one sink in -- Nick Lowery was calling the shots when it came to the coaching staff. Not even Detroit is that dysfunctional.

Carl came in to overhaul a franchise that had posted one winning season in the last 17 years (1986). He hired the franchise's 7th head coach in those 17 years (Stram, Wiggin, Bettis, Levy, Mackovic, Gansz) when he hired Marty Schottenheimer, fresh off a firing in Cleveland, to join him in the rebuilding effort.

(Ironically, Marty was not Carl's first choice. That was Vince Tobin, who eventually led the Cardinals to a few solid seasons and a road win in the 1998 wildcard game at Dallas. Marty wasn't Carl's second choice either -- that would be then Duke head coach Steve Spurrier. Its probably good the first two choices fell through ...)

Carl's first team won as many games (8) as we won in the entire Gansz era. The Chiefs were a missed Nick Lowery field goal (he missed three) at Cleveland away from reaching the playoffs that first year.

His second year, the Chiefs won 11 games, and were a bullsh*t holding call away from winning the franchise's first playoff game since Super Bowl IV. (Lowery hit the 42 yard attempt, missed the 52 yard follow-up). We made our first MNF appearance in nearly a decade, a tough loss at denver in week 2 that is best remembered for steve atwater nearly decapitating Christian Okoye to preserve the win.

His third year, though, the magic really began to happen. The last non-sold out game at Arrowhead was the opener in 1991, against Atlanta. Every single game since September 1, 1991, has aired on local television. That doesn't happen because of slick marketing, or fan-friendly gestures. It happens because you build a winning team that the fans can connect with ... and still connect with even after the wins stop coming. I know many bash Carl for the sellout streak. And while I agree that too much attention has been paid to it by the front office ... I kind of admire him for it. To take what was the Detroit Lions of the 1980s and almost literally overnight turn it into the juggernaut it became, is nothing short of amazing.

The two highlights of that third year, were arguably two of the greatest games in franchise history. October 7, 1991. Buffalo. Kansas City. I have long argued this was Arrowhead's finest hour. And the final home game that season, the first playoff game in Arrowhead history against the raiders.

1992 saw a slight step back, as the Chiefs limped into the finale at 9-6 ... facing the 9-6 denver broncos. On Christmas Eve. For the final spot in the AFC postseason field. As elway was harrassed, sacked, beat up, demolished on play after play, as the noise level just kept rising, with Dale Carter returning an INT for a touchdown, DT with the strip, fumble recovery, and touchdown, and Kevin Harlan exclaiming with glee "not even Santa Claus can save the denver broncos today!"

But like I said, 1992 was a definite step back. And Carl knew it. Which is why he (and Marty) made three of the boldest moves in franchise history to get team back on track.

First, they fired the offensive staff. Brought in Paul Hackett to install the West Coast offense. Then, Carl traded our first round pick to San Francisco for Joe Montana. Finally, Carl signed Marcus Allen away from the arch rival raiders.

Those three moves provided the backbone to the team's first division championship in 22 years. And helped provide the backbone for five of the greatest years in franchise history.

That 1993 team was arguably Carl's finest. After winning a tough wildcard round game against the Steelers, the Chiefs traveled to Houston, to face an Oilers team on an 11 game winning streak, with a virtually unstoppable offense, a ferocious defense, and home field advantage on its side. Chiefs 28, Oilers 20. Sadly the fun stopped the next week in Buffalo, in what not only would be the Bills' last gasp at greatness, but would be arguably the high point in the Carl Peterson years, our one and only appearance in an AFC Title Game.

1994 started with so much promise, delivered so many memorable games -- the home opener against the 49ers, the Monday Nighter for the ages in denver, the "hugh millenated" game here against denver -- ended with a thud in Miami on New Year's Eve.

Expectations were low entering 1995, with a new starting QB (Steve Bono), a new starting RB (Greg Hill), and a daunting schedule.

No season has ever -- ever! -- brought me more joy, pleasure, and fun than that 1995 team.

That team had 6 win talent. They won 13. They went 8-0 in the division. The only losses were at Cleveland the week after the Browns announced they were moving; at Dallas on Thanksgiving Day (no shame in losing to the eventual champs in their building), at at Miami in a do or die Monday Nighter for the Dolphins playoff chances. The season ended sadly, a tough 10-7 defeat on a freaking freezing Sunday afternoon to the Colts, but still, that 1995 team was my favorite ever.

And set up what arguably should have been the best team of the Peterson era. Instead, the 1996 team was possibly his most disappointing. After opening with Super Bowl expectations, opening 4-0 ... the Chiefs limped along. Made a panic QB switch to Rich Gannon that worked for a week. And ultimately ended with a three game losing streak, and our first postseason-less season in the decade.

1997 saw a return to excellence. A couple solid free agent signings (Elvis Grbac, Andre Rison, Mark McMillian) sparked some incredible early victories. The Bad Moon Rison game at Oakland. The goalline stand against Buffalo. The Pete for President kick against denver. The pole-axing of the 49ers. All leading up to the worst 21st birthday gift a Chiefs fan could get -- a home playoff defeat to the denver broncos.

1998 opened well, at 4-1. But it was obvious something wasn't right. There was no running game, in the wake of Marcus Allen's retirement and Greg Hill's release. The quarterback controversy was in full effect. And after beating the Seahawks in the monsoon, 6 straight losses followed, culminated by the alleged Monday Night Meltdown against the broncos. At 7-9, it was Carl's first losing season. And it was Marty's last.

Perhaps this was the moment Carl should have stepped aside. It had been a tremendous decade. Maybe that was the moment Carl should have gone, in retrospect. But Carl soldiered on, hiring Gunther Cunningham to replace Marty as head coach.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not sure I have ever supported a Carl Peterson decision more than I did the decision to give the job to Gun. As excited as Gun was for the opportunity, as excited as other people might have been over the hire, NOBODY was more fired up and pumped than me. I freaking love Gunther Cunningham.

In many regards, the hire of Gunther was the beginning of the end. 1999 was a good year. The Chiefs were a missed Pete Stoyanovich field goal away from winning the AFC West. And I have long argued, 1999, had that kick gone through, that was the Chiefs best chance at reaching a Super Bowl under Carl. If you search the site I'm sure I've posted why I think that.

But the kick missed from 45 yards out. The raiders won in overtime. And the Carl era began to unravel. Our franchise player died that offseason, as Derrick Thomas succumbed to injuries suffered in an automobile accident. The 2000 season was a disaster, with the team flat out quitting on Gunther, with Gunther's mental health being called into question, and ending with Carl firing Gunther ... and Gun finding out by showing up at work and checking the Internet and reading in the Star he was out.

Carl brought in his good friend Dick Vermeil to try to right the ship. My thoughts on the Vermeil era are fairly well known. I was not a fan. But Vermeil had a plan, and set out to execute it.

Carl signed Priest Holmes to rejuvinate the running game. He traded a first round pick to St. Louis for Trent Green. And in arguably the greatest trade in franchise history, he stole Willie Roaf from the Saints for a third round pick.

The 2001 Chiefs were a rebuilding squad, and played like it, finishing 6-10. The 2002 squad was what you'd expect out of a young group: up and down. One week looking solid, the next week looking pathetic. Smells like 8-8, which is what we finished ... with the most Jekyll and Hyde team imaginable -- the best offense in the league, and the worst defense in the league.

To fix this, Carl opened the bank entering the 2003 season. He signed Shawn Barber and Vonnie Holliday to shore up the defense. And for a while it worked. The 2003 team opened with the best start in franchise history at 9-0. But the Bengals game showed we could be beat deep. The donkeys exposed our run defense in early December. And the Colts were literally unstoppable in the divisional round game, beating us 38-31 at Arrowhead in one of the funnest games I've ever witnessed.

The 2004 squad, like the 1996 and 1998 team, entered with Super Bowl expectations. And like those two teams, it failed to live up to the hype, falling out of playoff contention by mid November and finishing 7-9. Carl geared up for one final push in 2005, signing Kendrell Bell, trading for Pat Surtain, drafting Derrick Johnson.

But 2005 fell one game short. You can pick the game that cost us the playoffs, either the home collapse against Philly or the road collapse against Dallas. Vermeil walked away after the 2005 season, and Carl got a 4th opportunity to hire a coach. He chose Jets head coach Herm Edwards, sending a 4th rounder to the Jets as compensation for hiring Herm.

2006 ... if anything, I think 2006 is the moment it became painfully clear the game had passed Carl by. Somehow, someway, that squad found a way into the playoffs. But the cupboard was bare. There wasn't any young talent to step up for the aging veterans whose time was up. Six straight failed drafts (already detailed on this site) had finally caught up with us.

The floor fell out in 2007, ending with a 9 game losing streak and the worst season in 30 years. And 2008 has been worse.

Resulting in today's "resignation".

I just spoke with Gregg, and the phrase he used was "bittersweet". I guess that's kind of how I feel as well.

Look it, there is no denying the impact Carl Peterson had on this team, on this town, on the entire Midwest. The Chiefs would not be in Kansas City right now if Carl had not arrived 20 years ago. That's not said for shock value or impact value, its fact. There's no way this team would have stayed here in the moving years of the 1990s. We'd be in Charlotte or St. Louis or Baltimore or Nashville.

For that, I am grateful. But ...

There's also no denying Carl stayed past his time. Carl, for his own legacy, should have left after the 2006 season. He would be viewed in a far more favorable light had he left after that last gasp season than he is viewed today.

There's no denying we are in the state we are in because Carl Peterson f*cked up six straight drafts. We literally have NO talent from the 2000-2005 drafts on the roster. 3 players total. Out of 47 picks. What should be the core of our team, doesn't exist. That is Carl's fault. And he should be held accountable for that by every Chiefs fan for eternity.

Carl was ... excuse me. Carl is a pompous horse's ass. He never put the fans first, despite his denials to the contrary. The Chiefs under Carl Peterson, especially the last half of his reign, were all about maximizing profit. Nothing else mattered, or so it seemed. Ticket prices are up 100% from 1998 to today, with zero playoff wins to show for it. Parking is up nearly 75%. Concession prices are sky high.

He never treated anyone outside of his inner circle with respect. He viewed journalists with disdain. (Although to be fair, I despise most of the same "journalists" Carl had issues with). He boycotted radio stations for daring to challenge his views of the franchise. He infamously told his first round pick and that pick's agent to "shut the f*ck up and sit the f*ck down". He fired a head coach over the Internet, then had the gall to tell him he looked "confident and classy" as he was escorting him off the premises.

The parking and tailgating situation is still beyond ridiculous. To force cars inside a frigging tape measure to cram in as many cars as possible, when the lot isn't going to fill up, is outrageous. To refuse to allow people to save spots when the gates open, to ensure a group can tailgate together, is a whiz on the entire Arrowhead Nation Carl professes to love.

And only two double header days since 1998, none since 2003. In the words of the Monday Night Countdown crew ... Come On Man! Double Header Day is THE greatest day of the summer! Or at least it was. Yet another tradition destroyed by Carl in the name of greed and profit. Along with firing Warpaint for a Wolf. With kicking the TD Pack Band to the curb. With kicking thousands of die hard loyal club level fans out of their section to bleed corporate America a little dryer.

In the end, Carl outstayed his welcome, and the game passed him by. Like Jack Steadman before him, that will be how many Chiefs fans (deservedly) remember him, as a arrogant ass of a has-been that presided over some of the worst football this region has ever seen.

But to solely remember him for that ... would be making the same mistake I often make about Steadman. Steadman started out as one of the sharpest minds in football. As did Carl. But both refused to change. Both refused to recognize the changes in the game they loved. And in the end, both will limp away, a pathetic shell of the dynamic force they used to be.

Bittersweet. Its a good word for today. With an emphasis on the "sweet" part ...

for the stats geeks

Since I'm one of you, let's look at a few reasons why this coaching staff will continue to whine about giving their best, while every team they face uses us as the proverbial prom queen.

First, let's look at my least favorite stat this season: the opening drive of the 2nd half. The Chiefs have led or been within a possession at the half in 10 of their 14 games so far this year. Meaning just about every week, we have reached the half in position to win the game. That says that the initial game plan, at least, is solid enough to put us in a position to win. And yet, we've lost 8 of those 10. A big reason why? When we get a chance to seize control of the 2nd half, to impose our will on the opposition with a solid drive to begin the half, to set the tone ... we fail miserably:



The stats don't lie. The Chiefs have scored zero, zip, nada, not a single touchdown on their opening possession of the 2nd half in games we were a factor in. 0 for 10. In fact, look at the 2nd half scoring for crying out loud! Something clearly is going wrong in the locker room at halftime, because our offense is non-existant after the break! In only one of those 10 competitive games have we scored more than 1 2nd half touchdown, the week 4 win against denver.

The reason for this is simple. We're coaching scared. We'd rather lose a close one, know we "gave it our best", than risk embarrassment and a blowout by opening things up, taking some risks, and going for the big victory.

Our coaching staff is not thinking like a playoff team. They're thinking like a collection of individuals aiming to avoid the unemployment line. And when you start coaching like that, well, the 2nd half of 2007 and all of 2008 is what happens.

Continuing the theme of coaching scared ... another statistic, trend, whatever you want to call it, that drives me to drink is punting on makeable 4th downs. By that, I mean either (a) 4th and 1 outside of your own 30, or (b) 4th and less than 5 from midfield on. The latter has always infuriated me. I have never understood why you would willingly give up the ball on the opponent's side of the field, when the average NFL play gains nearly 5 yards (4.6 at last check). Why would you give up a golden scoring opportunity (you're already more than halfway to the end zone) if you don't have to?

The 4th and 1 thing though, has really started to bug me of late. I know there is serious risk involved in going for it on 4th down, especially on your side of the field. But come on man! Its a friggin yard! How often on a yard to go does the defense stop you? 10% of the time, if even that? I'd venture a guess that on yard-to-go plays where the offense runs it or throws a safe, short pass, they convert 90% of the time. At least.

So far this year, the Chiefs have chosen to punt on 13 "makeable" 4th down opportunities. In 8 of those 13 opportunities, the punt has blown up in our face, as our opponent thanked us for showing no balls and promptly put points on the board:



What I love about this, is that virtually every single time I argue Herm should have gone for it, his decision to punt blew up in his face. We've had 13 makeable 4th downs using my definition of makeable. 8 of those 13 when we chose to punt, the opposition immediately dropped points on us. I love it. Its what teams that get it do: they take your screw-up and shove it down your throat.

Herm had two chances against the Jets to really grab ahold of that game. He chose to punt both times, and both times the Jets immediately put 7 up on the scoreboard. He had a chance to really knock the Bucs out of the game here at Arrowhead. Yeah it was 24-10, but the Bucs only touchdown had come via special teams. Their offense had done nothing up to that point. Herm punts from their 40. The Bucs offense gets a quick drive off, puts points on the board as time expires, and has all the momentum entering the 2nd half, and they wound up overcoming a 24-3 deficit to win 30-27. Against the Saints, you have a chance to keep hope alive, a very makeable 4th down with 10 minutes to go, down 7. Herm punted. The Saints promptly bled 7 minutes off the clock and tacked on the seal-it field goal.

And yesterday, against the Chargers, Herm again had two chances to deliver the knockout punch, both times up 11. Both times he punted. He got away with it once. By the time we saw the ball again after the 2nd punt, we were trailing with less than 30 seconds to play.

What I also find interesting, is look at who the top risk takers on 4th down are in the league. In the top 10 teams (including ties) for most 4th down attempts, you will find the Patriots (4th), Saints (5th), Colts (7th), Cardinals (T-8th), Jets (T-8th), Bucs (T-10th) and Redskins (T-10th). All are .500 or better right now, and only the Saints are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs in that group. What should this tell you?

Simple: the successful teams take calculated risks that are designed to pay off. The Patriots are 13 for 18 on 4th down. The Colts are 11 for 16. Tells you they aren't fooling around on 4th and forever; they're putting themselves in makeable 4th down situations, and then trusting their offense to get the job done. And most of the time, they have.

"Stop Thinking Like a Playoff Team". That line so enraged me yesterday, I can't even begin to explain it. But these stats do. Our halftime adjustments don't work, as evidenced by being 0 for 10 on opening drives in finding the end zone. Our sideline strategory is horrid, as evidenced by passing up on 13 very makeable 4th down opportunities to extend potential scoring drives (and seeing 8 of those decisions blow up in our face, twice directly leading to game winning touchdown drives).

When you can't adjust to your opponent, when you can't take advantage of the opportunities presented to you because either you're too stupid, too stubborn, or too outdated to take advantage of those opportunities, its time for a change.

I want a coach who gets it, who understands where the league is headed and tries to be at the front of the revolution, rather than stubbornly stick to his outdated "punt and play defense" model that is broken beyond repair. I want a coach with the balls to go for 4th and 1 with the game on the line. I mean, as much as I hated the Vermeil era, God love the guy, Vermeil would never let 13 golden opportunities like the ones above go for nothing. He'd never punt in all 13 of those spots. And he sure as all hell would never head an offense that was 0 for 10 coming out of the locker room.

I don't know what the solution is. I don't know who the coach of this team should be. I don't know who the GM of this team should be. I do know who should not be filling those positions though, and its the current two occupants. The game has passed both Carl and Herm by. They come from an era that simply doesn't fly in this league anymore. And the sooner Clark Hunt grasps that reality, and sends those two packing, the faster this team can return to being the competitive playoff-caliber squad we came to expect over the last 20 years.

as al pacino said in "scent of a woman" ...

Its time to take a flame thrower to this place, to One Arrowhead Drive.

After Herm's first retarded challenge yesterday, the LJ to Tony G TD pass, I nearly came unhinged in my seat, I was so irate the red flag hit the field. To recap: LJ has just thrown a halfback pass to Tony G. He caught it, both feet in bounds. Refs ruled incomplete. There was defensive pass interference on the play as well.

At that spot, midway through the 1st quarter, with 1st and goal upcoming at the 1, you do NOT challenge that call and risk blowing one of your two guaranteed challenges with so much time left on the clock. Even if you are 100% confident you will win the challenge, remember -- you only get two challenges. (Three if you win the first two). Do you really want to waste one of those challenges in that spot? Hell no! And this is the 2nd week in a row Herm has done this: his challenge in denver last week on a 9 yard reception was every bit as retarded as this one was.

Anyways, I shared my displeasure with the folks around me, and with some friends via text message. The only buddy who agreed with me was Gregg. Everyone else argued in favor of the challenge for various reasons. But one reason really just stood out above all the others:

"stop thinking like a playoff team...have to take all the small victories we can."

Look it, when you're 2-11, I can see the "take all the small victories you can get" argument. I don't agree with it, but I can at least see it.

But "stop thinking like a playoff team"? (steve sighing in disgust) That's why we're 2-12! That's why we've lost 21 of our last 23 games! Because NOBODY affiliated with this organization is thinking like a playoff team! They're perfectly content to play the "we're rebuilding", "that's what happens when you play a bunch of kids", "too many rookies", "too many injuries" cards. Too much "we gave a good effort, we just need to finish" crap.

Or as so memorably noted in "The Rock":

(stanley) I'll do my best.
(mason) your best? Losers always whine about their best! Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen!

I couldn't have said it better myself. Which is why I quoted it.

Simply put, the Kansas City Chiefs are run by losers. We are run by people who don't put winning as their number one, only thing that matters goal. We've got a GM focused on ticket sales. (Isn't that what your sales staff is supposed to do?)

(And as a side note: for the 2nd time this year, a former Chiefs great was honored at halftime, and Carl was nowhere to be found. Really? You're so scared of a few fans booing you, that you refuse to show up and honor arguably your single greatest personnel move of the last 20 years, stealing Willie Roaf for a 3rd rounder? If Carl is that spineless, that gutless, has that small of a package, he has no business running a business of any kind, let alone a professional sports franchise. And if his package is that small, he has no business frequenting certain "reputable singles sites" either, he'd be laughed out of the chat rooms, that's for sure ...)

We've got a head coach who excuses incredible on-field lapses in judgment, holds noone accountable via benching, roster cuts, or coaching changes. (Isn't that what a head coach is not supposed to do, tolerate failure and mistakes, and not make changes when the situation demands change?) And now, it appears, based on the text above, we've got a sizeable portion of our fanbase that is more than willing to cut these guys some slack, and doesn't expect or demand a playoff-caliber effort every time out.

You know who you are, that sent that text message. And its an attitude like that, that's why you're rooting for a 2-12 team, champ. Because you don't demand the best.

Speaking for myself, I want a return to the days when Marty cut players who f*cked up on kickoff coverage. I want a return to the days when Gunther had to have smelling salts delivered to the sidelines, because he nearly passed out from rage at his defense having the audacity to surrender a touchdown up 24-0 against the Rams in 2000. I want a return to the days of Vermeil chewing everyone's ass out in full view of everyone.

Enough of the coddling. Enough of the excuses. Enough of the "let's enjoy small victories" sh*t. There's only one thing that should matter in a professional sports league. Winning.

The people leading this franchise clearly don't know how to do that. And until we get some folks in here who do make "the main thing the main thing", as Dick Vermeil used to preach, there's no reason for any of us to care.

daryl gross must go! daryl gross must go!

I honestly didn't believe Daryl Gross could top the Greg Robinson hire in terms of its utter stupidity.

I honestly thought that was rock bottom for the 'Cuse. Surely -- surely! -- Mr. Gross had to learn from his, uuh, gross mistake, and actually pursue someone with actual coaching experience. Someone with strong, solid ties to the Northeast, someone with a solid recruiting background.

Someone immersed in the college game, that understands and grasps the differences between running a team, and running a program.

Good God, was I wrong.

New Orleans Saints offensive coordinator Doug Marrone (who?) is the inspired, brilliant, genius, all around awe-inspiring selection of AD Gross to lead the 'Cuse going forward.

Excuse me while I barf.

Really, at this point, what credible AD would hire a NFL coach to run his or her program? Other than Pete Carroll, can you name a single NFL coach who has successfully transitioned to the college game in the last decade? "Sur" William Callahan destroyed what Nebraska football stood for. Ron Turner made a Sugar Bowl at Illinois, before promptly failing to post another winning season before being shown the door. Karl Dorrell had one decent season at UCLA, and not much else. Mike Shula was an abject disaster at Alabama. Al Groh has accomplished squat of lasting value at Virginia. Paul Hackett bombed as USC's head coach. Dave Wannstedt hasn't exactly set the world on fire at Pitt.

And did I mention the man Mr. Marrone (who?) is going to be replacing, Greg Robinson?

The track record is undeniable. Pro coaches simply cannot transition to the college game. It just doesn't work. The differences are too immense. For starters, you have the practice and film session restrictions. You have the pressures of recruiting, of selling the school, two things you don't have to do in the pros. You have to coach up 85 kids, versus 53 professionals.

This hire is utterly indefensible. I know, I know, this Marrone guy (again, who?) hasn't even stepped foot on campus yet. (Yet another sign this isn't going to work: they hired the guy in a hotel room in Chicago. Really. Sight unseen, he agrees to a job with a school. That's genius. That's just genius). And I get that this Marrone guy (who?) is a Syracuse alum, and clearly, coming back to the alma mater has done wonders for Al Groh, Ron Turner, and Dave Wannstedt.

After this latest abortion of a decision, its obvious. AD Gross has to go. As in now. Syracuse athletics, save for men's basketball, is a f*cking joke. And even that's a misleading statement, seeing as how everyone is turning a blind eye to Eric Devendorf's latest legal issues, and allowing him to play while he appeals a year-long ban from school for beating a girl senseless.

Too bad Mr. Devendorf didn't do to the athletic director what he did to that chick. Although after this hiring, he'd have to stand in line behind thousands of irate 'Cuse fans ready for their shot at the man in charge ...

this week's song i'm diggin, its a two fo' thursday ...

And if this doesn't just flat out scream "Steve wants a girlfriend, good Lord, Steve wants a girlfriend ...", well, then I guess what I'm feeling just doesn't shine through in my writing.

The first song ... is by my favorite "American Idol" contestant ever. And he's a guy who never made the top 12. (He quit before then).

This is the "blast from the past", aka a couple years ago. Fall 2006, a song that I literally drove Pat, the lady I sat next to at the time at work (and still do), almost crazy by singing along to ...

"Gallery" by Mario Vazquez.

Man I love this song. (And when you want a girl and don't have her ... its a solid choice).

This week, you can do your own damned Youtube! search if you're too cheap to pay ITunes the $.99 to download the song ...

"God broke the mold,
When he made this one I know
She's breathtaking but so much more
She walks in the room, your loves closed
Making you never want to breathe again
Her boyfriend has got so much dough
So much ice his neck and wrist froze
Is he faithful to her? Hell no
But she chose to be with him, shorty

Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime

Because

I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do
Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you

Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on,
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime

I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

You're a masterpiece
I know that he
Can't appreciate your beauty
Don't let him cheapen you
He don't see you like i do
Beautiful not just for show
Time that someone let you know

I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art

I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
In his gallery"

--------------------

The other one I'm digging ... I guess assumes I find a potential "Mrs. Steve". And good God, what I wouldn't give to do that.

"In Love With a Girl" by Gavin DeGraw.

The title says it all.

(Two more requests for Float Trip '09, "Rivermaster" ...)

"So many people gonna say that they want you,
To try to get you thinking they really care,
But there's nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time and you know he's gonna be there,
Back your border when she knows someone crossed it,
Don't let nobody put you down, who you're with
Take the pain of protecting your name, from the crutch to the cane to the highwire

I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,
Fell for the woman just when i met her,
Took my sweet time when i was bitter,
Someone understands,
And she knows how to treat a fella right,
Give me that feeling every night,
Wants to make love when i wanna fight,
Now someone understand me,
I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with)(x2)

Out the many broken backdoors and windows,
Through the valley of the love of the lost,
Is a hole that is cut through the souls falling down from the thrones without leaving innuendoes,
But you drown in a piece for the moment,
The moment was over in time,
Then its gone the hit and run the tactless one has a short life

I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,
Fell for the woman just when i met her,
Took my sweet time when i was bitter,
Someone understands,
And she knows how to treat a fella right,
Give me that feeling every night,
Wants to make love when i wanna fight,
Now someone understand me,
I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with)(x2)

Gonna tell you what you do to think you practice what you preach,
Now i know there's nothing we can't reach,
'cause the heart can't erase once it finds a place to be warm and welcome,
To be held in shelter,


I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,
Fell for the woman just when i met her
Took my sweet time when i was bitter
Someone understands,
And she knows how to treat a fella right
Give me that feeling every night
Wants to make love when i wanna fight
Now someone understands me
I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with)(x3)
Who knows me better
Wants to make love when i wanna fight
now someone understand me!"

Give 'em both a listen.

another tradition bites the dust

Folks who know me, will never accuse me of being a traditionalist.

On social issues, I lean far left on everything except two issues. I personally am anti-abortion (although I would not overturn Roe v Wade). And I don't give a crap about gun control, both sides are nuts on this issue.

But when it comes to the team I love, our Kansas City ... Chiefs!!!, I am a die hard "traditionalist".

I don't want Arrowhead to change names (even though I accept it as inevitable). If widening the concourses and adding amenities destroys the home field advantage, I'd rather leave things alone. (Thankfully, the designs look promising in maintaining our status as the loudest stadium in football when, you know, we're even semi-decent).

But this week, Carl Peterson kicked me in the balls. And look at my profile pic -- I'm not a jock. I'm not wearing protection. He just cocked that leg, swung, and nailed me below the border. Me, and every other Chiefs fan.

He took a gigantic squat and defecated on the single greatest tradition this franchise has left.

He fired the TD Pack Band.

The reason for this is obvious: why allow a band to occupy 4-5 rows of premium seating behind the goalpost in the east end zone, when you could sell those at (currently) $84 / seat?

I'll tell you why you don't do it, Carl.

Tradition.

Here's my problem with the modern NFL. And the Sports Guy kind of hit on it a couple weeks ago in his picks column, in how home field advantage has disappeared due to the design of new stadiums and the catering to the fat cats vs us average fans. And he has a point.

But he's missed the bigger picture.

When I say "Arrowhead", what comes to mind? Luxury suites? Fancy overlooks on top of the press box? Finely manicured grass? Wide concourses, a bathroom for every section, multiple vendor options no matter where you look?

Hell no!

What comes to mind is being in line at 8am, before the gates open, to party. Then setting up a 3 hour party, no matter what the weather is, no matter how crappy our team is. Filing into the stadium ready to yell ourselves hoarse for the next 3 hours, and then shutting the place down in the postgame tailgate.

You think of the balloon launch on Opening Day. You think of the fireworks going off during the Anthem, of the "home of the Chiefs!!!" Of the (steve grinding his teeth at acknowledging biggest waste of taxpayer money known to man ...) flyovers over the east end zone as the Anthem reaches it climax.

You think of pathetic KC Wolf sketches that once a year, make you laugh.

You think of the familiarity of sitting by the same people year after year, of cultivating friendships outside of the stadium with those folks. Speaking for myself, I hang out at my seat neighbors pool all summer. I'm the hot hot pool boy for Christ's sake, OC style! I was an honored invited guest at the people in front of me's wedding two years ago, as were the others in my section. In 131 / 132, we're a family. That's Arrowhead dammit!

And the biggest part of it, the part everyone could most recognize ... was that familiar trumpet coming from the east end zone. Tony DiParto. His lovely daughter Patti DiParto-Livergood. The other six members of the TD Pack Band. Hell, even visiting teams loved the setup -- it was just this year that Chris Johnson took over the bongo-playing duties of the band after a touchdown.

I remember in programs from years past (yet another tradition sh*t canned by this administration -- no Gameday Programs anymore. Ridiculous. It destroyed the best part of the walk to the Overlook), how it was highlighted, shouted out, how one of the very first things Carl did when taking the job here was to hire Tony DiParto to direct the band again.

I think it would only be fitting for (hopefully) the last major decision that man will ever make as the head of this franchise, to be to fire the greatest Chiefs fan walking this planet. A man who literally has poured his life into cheering for this franchise in the most visible way possible.

After next Sunday, the TD Pack Band is gone. Another tradition bites the dust. Another thing that made Arrowhead ... uuh, Arrowhead, removed.

All in the name of corporate greed, of making an extra buck to throw at a stupid free agent signing.

The Chiefs have promised a fitting sendoff at the Dolphins game next week for the TD Pack Band. The only fitting sendoff I want to see is Carl Peterson (finally) show a spine, take the field to "honor" the band, and for Clark to do his best Vince McMahon routine and tell Carl "you're fired! Get out of my stadium, you're fired!" If anything this season could bring tears to my eyes ...

How do you fire the Band? How do you kick the DiParto's to the curb? Unless you're so consumed by the bottom line, by profit, by pure greed, that you can't see what ultimately matters?

Another tradition bites the dust. But hey, those four rows of seats, that's gonna make a huge difference between Arrowhead hitting 118 decibels when a game that matters is played, I'm sure ...

one position the draft shouldn't fill

Tough, tough loss yesterday.

I take every game with denver personally. I simply cannot deal with losing to those people. I don't care how bad we are, how good they are, or vice versa, I want to kick their ass and take names every time we line up against them.

You want to know why I love Gunther Cunningham so much? Part of the reason why I hated Dick Vermeil as head coach? Its simple. Gun went 4-0 against denver. Vermeil went 4-6, the most crippling defeat being the 2002 contest that cost us the postseason.

(Although I have always loved Vermeil's "I'm putting my perfect record up there on the line, 0-4" comment. That one has always cracked me up).

The Chiefs biggest problem right now, as I see it, is that we have noone to rush the passer. Our pass rush is a joke. Its god awful.

Jason Whitlock hit on this in his postgame column this morning, the need to draft a pass rusher.

And I couldn't help but think, why do we need to draft a pass rusher?

Isn't this something important enough to enter the free agent market and get the best available developed talent?

I don't like to compare sports ... but if you're going to look at rebuilding done right, you don't look any further than the 1990 Atlanta Braves. Bringing up Glavine, Smoltz, and Avery at the same time. Developing Ron Gant, David Justice, Mark Lemke, Jeff "Unbutton Her" Blauser. Bobby Cox and John Schuerholz did an awesome, awe-inspiring job in rebuilding that franchise.

But they still needed a third baseman.

So in the 1990 offseason, they didn't sit back and wait for the farm system to deliver (which it eventually would with Chipper Jones). They hit the free agent market and signed the best option available, Terry Pendleton.

The Braves, of course, went on to make the playoffs 14 consecutive years after that signing. Obviously continued scouting, development, and solid free agent signings (Greg Maddux) were a big reason why.

But that one signing, of Terry Pendleton, got them over the hump.

Which again, begs the question. Why are we counting on the draft to solve our pass rush problem?

I'm on record for wanting Tim Tebow in this draft. If we're going to stick with the spread offense (and we should), he's the perfect person to run it. I also think we need to find a scat back / Warrick Dunn type running back as well. But pass rusher, let's leave that to the professionals. Let's find one that's already proven himself.

Find it in free agency.

Prospective free agents, 2009 offseason:
(source: www.footballsfuture.com)

DL unrestricted: Julius Peppers, Panthers. Albert Haynesworth, Titans. Terrell Suggs, Ravens. Bertrand Berry, Cardinals. Tank Johnson, Cowboys. Shaun Cody, Lions. John Thornton, Bengals.

LB unrestricted: Ray Lewis, Ravens. Eric Barton, Jets. Karlos Dansby, Cardinals. Mike Peterson, Jaguars. Bart Scott, Ravens. Jonathan Vilma, Jets. Channing Crowder, Dolphins. James Farrior, Steelers. Carlos Polk, Chargers.

I'd target Berry and Bart Scott. The Cards won't match any decent offer because, well, they're a cheap franchise. And the Ravens will be doing everything they can to keep Lewis and Suggs, so Scott should be able to be signed away.

Sign those two, plug them into a defense with a very solid secondary already in place, and let's see what happens. At the very least, the pressure on DJ and Tamba Hali should be lessened and they should improve. (Assuming Tamba lays off the good stuff in the pregame ... allegedly ... giggity ...)

chiefs! donkeys (boo!) live blog ...

Its been two months since I did one of these things. I'll stick it out for as long as I can.

My prediction: at donkeys 26, Chiefs 21.

Key inactives per Bob Gretz: for us, Pat Surtain, Mark Bradley and Donnie Edwards. For denver, champ bailey and dj williams.

Hopefully we get a fun, entertaining game that derails the donkeys title hopes by a week or two.

I'm logged into Yahoo! IM as teamtito15. Feel free to join in with your thoughts and comments there or in the comments section here.

----------------

Had lunch with the nephew and the rest of the family today. His latest infatuation, now that he can eat some foods, is limes. (Gee, wonder why we go through so many limes, wouldn't have anything to do with the margarita mix and vodka bottles ...) Anyways, he likes limes, only he makes this "ew" face when he sucks on it. Its one of those really funny things you have to see to get, I guess.

(No, I still don't want kids. But this one grows on you).

Oh God, looks like we have Macatee and Buerelein again this week. Ugh. Craptacular broadcasting. On the other hand, we're 1-0 with that crew this year.

Saints and Eagles both get huge, huge wins to keep their seasons alive. Vikings survive in Detroit. Colts and Titans win easily. Packers / Titans tied at 21, looks like a good one.

I should probably put the "this live blog might contain adult and/or mature language, content, and references before its all said and done" disclaimer in there. It is denver, after all.

Yikes, hideous orange jerseys on the donkeys.

60ish and sunny? In denver? In December?

Chiefs win the toss and will receive.

Charles with a solid return out to the 40. Anytime the kicker makes the tackle, that's a good sign.

Macatee just called our offensive line "talented". I'm guessing .13 on the BAC.

Thigpen throws it away on first down. Nobody open. And there's that utterly annoying "in com plete! wa wa wa wa" chant.

LJ for 3 on 2nd down.

Thigpen scrambles, short of the marker. Cue the punt unit.

I'm already sick of Buerelein. And we're 1:29 into this game.

Touchback. denver ball at their own 20, 1st and 10.

marshall over the middle, looks like a first down at the 30.

Scott Green our official today.

(brian bozworth voice) that's a live ball! 5 yard loss for the donkeys on a backward pass.

marshall gets 6 on 2nd down. 3rd and 9, denver 31.

cutler's pass is in com plete! Punt time.

Kevin Robinson with a great return, out to the 46, 47 yard line. Holy crap, our special teams came to play today! Where the hell has this been the last three years?

LJ gets 6, maybe 7 on first down. Solid play.

D Bowe! Bobbled, nearly dropped, then caught it on the rebound and takes it to the donkeys 15! First down Chiefs!

LJ, nothing there. 2nd and 10 Chiefs at the donkeys 11.

Swing pass to Charles, loss of one. Buerelein just said "this is an area where you'd expect to see a pass to Tony Gonzalez". Ya think?

Bailout to Charles, gets to the 7. Field goal attempt upcoming.

Bad snap, but kick is good from 26. 3-0 Chiefs!

royal returns the kick to the denver 19. 1st and 10 denver after yet another commercial break.

hillis for 3, 2nd and 7 donkeys.

End around to royal, gets 3. 3rd and 4 at the 25. Ball came out but I thought he was down. Officials agree.

TAINT! TAINT! Touchdown Maurice Leggett!!! Holy crap did cutler telegraph that! 10-0 Chiefs! I have NO idea what cutler was looking at on that throw. But I'm damned glad he threw it!

Touchback on the kickoff. Back after yet another commercial break.

scheffler gets 12 on first down. Solid throw by cutler.

hillis for 8. 2nd and 2 at the denver 39.

Phil checks in: "f*ck the f*cking broncos". Amen champ. Amen. God I hate that team.

first down stokley.

awful cutler throw falls incomplete. 2nd and 10 at the denver 42.

hillis right up the middle. Gain of 13. Pathetic.

bell up the gut for 8. Pathetic.

bell close to the first down. I think he's just short. 3rd and 1?

hillis gets the first. Not much you can do on 3rd and less than a foot.

crowd shot of hillis' family. His sister is hot. Smoking hot.

stokley, solid run after the catch down to the Chiefs 18, 19. 1st and 10 donkeys.

cutler to royal. Nearly picked by Williams. 1st and goal donkeys.

Herm is challenging the catch. Replay looks like the ball hit the turf. Stupid to challenge this though. What's the point. Save the challenge for when it matters.

Fast first quarter -- only :32 left when the challenge is over.

Chiefs win the challenge. 2nd and 10 at the Chiefs 18.

Come on D. Make 'em kick.

Never mind. Touchdown hillis. Chiefs were offsides to boot. Pathetic.

10-7 Chiefs. Kickoff after yet another commercial break.

Once again, holy Lord, hillis' sister is just so freaking hot. I so need a girlfriend. Or at least an incredible bed-breaking hookup.

Touchback on the kick.

Thigpen incomplete on 1st down to Bowe.

Charles gets 9 on 2nd down. And he's hurt. Again. Good God, if he could ever stay on the field for 3 straight plays, we might have a solid back here.

End of 1. Chiefs 10, bronkeys 7. Chiefs have 3rd and 1 at their own 29 ... after yet another commercial break.

Chiefs have one first down so far and are winning. (dusty voice) nice!

LJ gets the first, gain of 3. 1st and 10 at our own 32.

Macatee is starting to grow on me. Buerelein is absolutely f*cking worthless, but Macatee isn't half bad.

Thigpen going deep! Incomplete for Gonzalez. Not a good throw. And solid coverage as well by denver.

Buerelein just called Gonzalez a "potential" Hall of Famer. That's like saying Barack Obama is a "potential" President.

F*ck! Interception! Then stripped out by a Chiefs WR. Then recovered by denver. Ruled as an interception, fumble, and recovery.

(steve coming unhinged at herm's latest brain fart) Herm, this is why you don't f*cking challenge pointless catches over the middle! If we lose this challenge we are done for the game, with 44 minutes to play! This is just stupid. Absolutely stupid.

We will lose this challenge. That's an interception. God f*cking bless it. Our head coach wouldn't comprehend how to use replay even if Jesus Christ himself stood next to him on the sideline and told him what to do.

Holy sh*t, we won the challenge! What the hell was Scott Green looking at? denver dude had the ball, with his knee on the turf!

Chiefs gain an extra challenge. (Whew). Still doesn't forgive the stupidity of the first challenge, but at least we still have one.

So now its 3rd and 10 Chiefs at our own 32, I think.

Noone on the broadcast crew or officiating crew has pointed out we gained the 3rd challenge. I refuse to assume Herm knows on his own that he still has one.

Bowe and its close. 4th and about a yard.

Muy generoso spot. Muy generoso.

We're about 5 inches short.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

What decision, Steve Buerelein? You're 2-10! Go! Put Thigpen under center and fall forward! Don't d*ck around with a handoff, don't get cute, just f*cking fall forward with the QB!

Its what we do, Thigpen falls forward. This is close. This is going to be really close.

He got it! By maybe half an inch! 1st and 10 Chiefs at their own 43!

Make that our own 42.

Thigpen going deep! Incomplete for Jeff Webb. Awesome coverage by denver there.

I'd run a draw to LJ here, donkeys in cover 2.

Chan Gailey, meet Steve. Steve, meet Chan Gailey. LJ on the draw, gains 6.

3rd and a short 5 at almost midfield.

First down, Jeff Webb! Nice throw.

Christ, Buerelein sucks. He tried to do the Dr. Evil "laser" line to describe the throw. Awful.

Delay to LJ gets 8. 2nd and 2 at the denver 37.

LJ loses at least one, probably 2. Bad blocking by McIntosh, he just whiffed on his man.

Holy sh*t, how did Tony G catch that?!?! Into double coverage, excellent double coverage, he makes the catch, and gains 15 after the catch.

14th play of the drive upcoming. 1st and 10 at the donkeys 22.

Incomplete for Tony G. Not a good throw, Gonzalez was open for a solid 8, 9 yard gain.

Thigpen keeps it! Nice play call. Gets 6, maybe 7. 3rd and 3 at the donkeys 15.

Big play here.

LJ gets it offtackle! First and ten at the donkeys 13!

Timeout for a measurement. Makes no sense, he had it by a solid half yard.

The chains barely stretch into the screen, he was that clear of the marker.

17th play of the drive upcoming. This is Steve's Madden offense at its finest.

Thigpen play fake, bootleg ... TOUCHDOWN CHIEFS! Tony Gonzalez! 17 play drive, nearly 8 minutes off the clock, just f*cking awesome!

17-7 Chiefs!

Drew chimes in: "beat the donkeys!" Amen champ. Amen.

I'm really beginning to like Bill Macatee. I like people who don't take themselves seriously.

Gregg checks in: "he has good hands". Yes, yes he does pal.

Come on defense. Bury the bastards.

The dogs haven't had this many Meaty Bones during a Chiefs game in a long, long time. They're both standing next to the door right now, just waiting for the next one. I am loving this game so far.

Touchback on the kickoff. hillis gets 2 on first down.

Say what you want about the Gunther Cunningham era, only two numbers matter to me. 4 and 0. As in, career record vs denver.

Either I missed a play or CBS did, somehow its 3rd and 4.

marshall gains 20. Our defensive line sucks.

Well read screen. Tyler tackles the donkey for a loss of two.

2nd and 12. hillis gets 8, maybe 9.

3rd and 3. Great catch by hillis for the first down.

And he's hurt! hillis is hurt! Yes! Yes! Hell yes!

Awesome Dave Matthews American Express ad. I like that guy. Holy crap, Tina Turner's been a cardmember for as long as I've been alive. Boy that puts things in perspective.

Can't believe Grissom is leaving CSI. Sad. Especially since Grey's Anatomy is so utterly unwatchable right now that I'm getting back into CSI this year.

Dammit, hillis left under his own power.

royal gets 9 on a nice pass.

Looks like bell got the first. If he didn't he's barely short.

Another shot of hillis' sister. I am really developing a crush on the enemy here.

Playing the "MASH" theme song looking at all the injured donkeys. The name of the song is "Suicide is Painless". Hopefully some donkeys find out if that's true or not after the game.

3rd and 2 as we hit the 2 minute warning.

"The distinctive taste of Bud Light can be described in just one word". Crap?

cutler on a designed run, 1st and goal. Nice play call.

This play is "penal in nature". False start donkeys.

Buerelein: "you let the Chiefs hang around, they might begin to think they can play with you". Steve? WE ALREADY BEAT THESE GUYS! Jesus Christ, how the hell is this guy employed in broadcasting?

2nd and goal at the 15. Not much to royal. 3rd and goal at the 12.

Buerelein: "you get that one win, its amazing what it can do for your psyche", in describing the first Chiefs / donkeys game. Yeah. We lost 7 straight after that. Did wonders for the psyche Steve.

Touchdown marshall. 17-14, 1:05 to go in the half. Chiefs have all three timeouts, hopefully we try to move the ball to at least get 3.

K Rob returns the kick to the 27. Injured donkey on the play.

Chiefs go 4 wide. Bowe gets 4, maybe 5, gets out of bounds. Decent opening play.

First down D Bowe. Timeout Chiefs.

Just because Barth hasn't tried a 50 yarder doesn't mean he can't make it, Steve. God Buerelein sucks.

Thigpen incomplete on first down. Solid pass rush by denver.

Battle loses 2 on a blown up screen. Chiefs bleeding the clock out now.

We're at the half. Chiefs 17, donkeys 14. donkeys should get the ball.

Back in 15 minutes.

Or not. I'm going to enjoy the 2nd half as it unfolds. I'll post my thoughts on it later. Go Chiefs!

10 years ago ...

I was up early today. As I usually am for a Chiefs / denver showdown. No matter how ugly the records, I am always up for this game.

Ten years ago today, December 7, 1998, a 5-7 Chiefs squad gave the 12-0 donkeys all they could handle, falling 35-31 in denver.

A rough day, for those of us who bleed red (and gold).

But 10 years ago today ...

Look it, I have been asked many times (as I'm sure others have as well) "what is the one thing you would change about your life if you could".

And God knows, I have a lot of choices to pick from. Most of which are incredible screw-ups on my part. Some of which are incredible lapses in judgment on my part. One decision above all others haunts me to this day, I still cannot reconcile with my conscience the consequence of that action.

And yet ... the only decision I look back on and think "well, maybe I'd change that", occurred 10 years ago today.

When I decided what job offer to accept coming out of college.

Let me flash back ...

I came home for Thanksgiving on Tuesday, November 25, 1998. I got a late start out of Dallas. I stopped for dinner (as I always did on the trek home) at the Applebees in McAlister, at like 6:50pm, and called my mom to remind her "please, for the love of God, record NYPD Blue! Its Jimmy Smits last episode!" (Somehow, she figured out how to record the VCR in my room. Whew).

I sat down in the bar area, order a tall Shiner Bock, was watching a basketball game, and basically was like "wow, what a holiday this should be". I was three weeks from graduating college ... and I had no interviews lined up. I had no job offers. I had no friggin clue what I was going to do.

So I'm sitting there, onto Shiner number two (at least), eating whatever I ordered, watching hoops, and I can't shake this feeling, this emotional thought, that's entered my mind. The idea that I'll have two job offers to choose from, and won't know what to do.

I didn't pay it much attention in the Applebees. I blamed it on the Shiner, but I couldn't shake the feeling. Two offers were coming. And I wouldn't know what to do.

I got home about 10:30 that night. (For those doing the mental "how fast was Steve driving" math ... McAlister to KC should take about 3 1/2 hours. I made it in under 3. Yup, I drive like a Texan and make no apologies for it ...) Anyways, I get home, let mom know I'm there (she still had to get up and teach the next day). Since dad was still at work, and my brother wasn't coming home until the next day, it was just me for a while.

I pour myself a glass of shiraz (one good thing about the 'rents: there's always a bottle or four of wine to tap into!), sit down at the kitchen table, and am reading through the paper, when dad gets home from work.

We have a few moments of guy talk, and then the conversation inevitably turns to "what the hell are you going to do in three weeks".

My dad, who will never be accused of being a psychic, drops a bomb on me. "I can't explain it, but I just think you're gonna have a couple offers to choose from. And I don't know which one is best for you".

The weekend was pretty uneventful. Thanksgiving I don't really remember, which in my family, is probably a good thing. I know I did some shopping. The Chiefs snapped a 6 game losing streak by beating the Cardinals.

I got back to the apartment at maybe midnight after the game, only to discover the "Heineken stash" was officially gone.

(Sidebar: the "Heineken stash" is arguably the single greatest grocery store buy ever. Its early November 1998. Me and Frank hit the Tom Thumb after late night bowling league on Thursday, to get what we need for the weekend. And there's a sign, "$7.99 / 12 Pack Heineken". I'm like "wow". Frank's like "wow". So I flag down the stock guy, and go "what's the limit". He responds "oh, we got an overshipment, there's no limit on those". Really. We called Vineet to get a 2nd car up there to get everything we bought back to the apartment ...)

Anyways, that night, I applied for two jobs. I heard back from both the next day, to set up interviews for that Friday (December 5th).

One interview was with Rubbermaid. The other was with a real estate development company in Grapevine. Both were for jobs in the D/FW area. (I did not want to move back to KC).

Rubbermaid was first, at a hotel by the airport. They wound up making me an offer ... but for a job based in Kansas City. The development company also made me an offer, for a comptroller job there in Grapevine.

I entered the weekend with two clear choices. KC or Dallas.

The offers ... definitely tilted to KC's favor. I'd have a company car, a company credit card, and a salary far above what the development company was offering me. All they could offer was ... Dallas. Where I wanted to live.

I had a choice to make, since I'd promised both parties a decision by Monday.

Just like I'd thought in the Applebees. Just like my dad had said would happen. I had no clue what to do.

I chose the Rubbermaid job that night, 10 years ago today. I chose it mainly for financial reasons. As life would have it, on the surface, I made the wrong decision.

Rubbermaid was bought out less than 6 months after I started. All of us were let go in July for a cheaper alternative. And financially, it was a struggle for a good long while after that to simply stay afloat.

But back to my original question. Would I change my decision to take the job with Rubbermaid, and undo all of life since then, if I could, would I?

For me ... its all about the friends.

I'm not in a relationship at that time, or at this time either. And despite my attempts to overcome my personal views ... I just am not into casual hookups. Anyone can have sex. I'd rather have sex with someone I give a shit about. I'd rather wait for someone who matters, than drive an hour to hookup with someone I've never met before and hope the condom doesn't break. Which probably explains the 19 month scoring drought and counting ...

So since I didn't (and don't) have a "good" friend ... do I regret moving back to KC instead of staying in Dallas?

No.

Not by a long shot.

Gregg and I had our issues back in the day. But I'm pretty sure they're dead and buried. I never would have gotten to know Brent like I have if I hadn't moved back (and if he hadn't moved back ... welcome back! your dreams were your ticket out! welcome back! to that same old place that we laughed about ...)

I'd have never gotten to meet Ashley and Meagan and Mallory.

And I'd have never met Dusty. Megan. Damien. Or (insert Transamerica employee here).

Did I make a mistake I'd undo?

I have to go with not just a no, but a "hell no!"

Somehow, that feels, really, really good ...

luckily there's a family guy ...

Since this started as a work thread, I'm taking it to the blog. My 5 favorite Family Guy episodes (so far).

I'm just going to post what I loved about the episodes. I'm sure I'll miss stuff, but so be it.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Ideas? There's a comments section for a reason. Or my email and IM is on the profile, drop me a line ...

5. "McBurgertown". The mustache thing is just great. "Look at those men. What style, what grace, what class!" "My mustache says that there is a 90% chance that I am poorly educated, that I keep upscale porn magazines in my coffee table" "Yes Chris, its a mustache kind of morning. In my jean jacket, my blue jeans ... I tell you what, after breakfast, I'm gonna take you down to the whorehouse, where you can lose your virginity. Would you like that? / Would I! That's a way better gift than that buff hamster you gave me last Christmas!"

The Freddie Mercury line. "Gay / My mustache does not make me gay! / Gay / Fine Brian. If my mustache makes me gay, then Freddie Mercury was gay / Freddie Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay!"

The opening to the episode, where Peter gets Cleveland's mail. "Grape Soda Quarterly. Orange Soda Daily. Mustache Aficionado".

Tying up Brian to replace his mustache. "Mustache fart".

And of course, gorging on the free burgers from McBurgertown and suffering the stroke. "Oh my God, Peter. How are you feeling? / Uuh, I've had better days Lois. I've had better days". "Lois, what the hell are you doing? You gave me my beer on my stroky side!" Driving the car into a tree as the kayakers float by "Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! / Stop Mocking Me!"

Then stumbling into the stem cell research facility, emerging perfectly healthy, "How long was I in there? 5 minutes. Why are we not funding this?!?!"

And capped off by the first appearance of Peter's lawyer, Mousy McDermott! "You've got to be kitten me!"

4. "Life of Brian". Brian wins the Rising Writers Contest and he, Peter and Lois head off to Cape Cod to get his award. "Peter! You're an hour late and you're stinking drunk! You know, Lois (hiccup), every time ... every time we come to (hiccup) one of these ... things ... you hide the key ... to the mini bar from me. (hiccup) But I found it. I found it!"

The next morning in Lois and Peter's hotel room. "Damn Nature! You Scary!"

And the best part, the kids get left with Herbert. "No offense Mr. Herbert, but I'm a 16 year old girl, and I don't need you / well no offense Meg, but you're a 16 year old girl, and I don't need you!" "Mr. Herbert, are you a pedophile?" "Rats! You mean I missed Boy Meets World for this?" "Ok, kids, its bath time! / Oh, I don't wanna take a bath / Not for you silly, for me! I need a strong young boy with good strong hands to rub me down, mmm hmm ..."

And Peter marrying Nathan Lane. "But the joke's on him Lois! Two men can't marry! / They can in this state Peter! / Oh. Well, in that case, we're registered at Target and Linens n Things".

Plus Brian finally giving in and trying to nail Lois. "Brian tried to have sex with me! / Oh. He bigger than me?"

"The Spirit of Massachusetts is the Spirit of America! The spirit of what's old and what's new! The Spirit of Massachusetts is the Spirit of America! The spirit of the red, white and blue!"

3. "I Dream of Jesus". "You know, these 50s diners used to be really popular in the 80s". "Oh look, Cleveland's here! (cue the dogs and firehoses) Oh, that takes me back." "Look at this menu kids. Burgers, fries, coke. You kids have no idea what I'm talking about".

"Oh yeah, Chris, polio used to be as big as AIDS. Only people with polio got to go to heaven".

"Well everyone's heard, about the word, because the bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word!"

"I'll let you have sex with my daughter / Which one is she / She's right ... there / OK, I'll do her. But you have to get her to scream and act like she doesn't want it / I think that can be arranged ..."

"Have the boys in the lab run tests on that / Sir, our tests confirm that the bird is equal to or greater than the word / Do it again!"

The Office Space beatdown of the "Surfin Bird" record, just awesome.

And then, of course, "Hi, I'm looking for "Surfin Bird" by the Trashmen / Sorry, a dog and a baby bought all 63 copies we had / Dammit, this is the 3rd used record store with that same excuse. Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Did you go to North Providence High? Are you friends with Gary who owns the dry cleaners? Are you Jesus Christ?"

"OK, that's a nutty story, but I can top it. So me, Cleveland and Joe are just wrecked on Southern Comfort ..."

"I love you Jesus! / I love you too fella"

"I know the American people have turned on me and on this war, but I don't care. I don't answer to them. I answer to a higher power, the power of Jesus Christ / Oh really, because it just so happens that I have Jesus right here / I've heard what you said. How you ever got to be in charge of anything, I will never understand ..."

"Hey can you pick me up a Cracked Magazine? / Cracked Magazine? Really? Jesus Christ, unbelievable"

"I'd like to thank our guest Dave Coulier, season three of Full House now out on DVD. OK, our next guest died for our sins and now he's back on the scene ..."

The "O Little Town of Bethlehem" lounge version of the song as Jesus walks out, hysterical.

"To think that I, Peter Griffin, a man who just last week drew a picture of a smiley face on his testicles to make his son laugh ... well, I forget where I was going with this but yay, that's my buddy Jesus!"

"I don't know Lois, but I do know one thing -- none of this would have happened if someone hadn't stolen my mother f*cking Surfin Bird record!!!"

2. "PTV". The opening, with Peter laying down the red carpet for the Emmy's, Lois getting hacked and throwing down with him. "You like eating red carpet! Admit it, you like eating red carpet / I like eating red carpet! / say it again! / I like eating red carpet!" as Quagmire is listening outside the window, then he passes out and lets out a "giggity".

The "David Hyde Pierce trowser malfunction".

Stewie and Brian's sitcom, "Cheeky Bastard".

Quagmire's Ladies Man type call in show.

And of course, "Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. Tonight we're going to look back at all the partial nudity prime time TV used to offer. Remember this side boob? Check out this side boob. How about that side boob? That turn you on? Well it shouldn't. Because that's my side boob. Good night everyone!" Which leads into the greatest moment in Family Guy history:

(lois) the side boob hour?!?!
(peter) oh yes Lois. its the anchor of our Tuesday night prime time lineup.
(lois) Peter, you've left me no choice. I called the FCC.
(peter) oh yeah, I know all about the FCC ...

(cue the music! and yes, I am singing along ...)

They will clean up all your talking in a manner such as this
They will make you take a tinkle when you wanna take a piss
And they'll make you call fellatio a trowser friendly kiss

Here's the plain situation
There's no negotiation
With the fellas at the freaking FCC!

They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special interest groups
Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops
When any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops

Take a tip, take a lesson
You'll never win by messin
With the fellas at the freaking FCC!

And when you find yourself with some young sexy thing
You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling
Cause you can't say penis

So they sent this little warning, they're prepared to do their worst
And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced
I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first

They may just be neurotic!
Or possibly psychotic!
They're the fellas at the freaking FCC!!!

The FCC censorship of everything, from Peter's chin, to Lois getting angry, to Lois and Peter's most intimate moment. "No hip movement, no thrusting, no heavy breathing / How can anyone get off / done! Good night Lois".

And the finale, when Peter marches on the Capital and points out how all the monuments can be misconstrued. "The Washington Monument. Looks an awful lot like a penis, doesn't it? The Lincoln Memorial. You tell me he isn't taking a dump".

But my favorite episode ever ...

1. "No Meals on Wheels". You open with Mort borrowing a crucifix for some school project for his kid, and Peter getting angry because "Mort's always borrowing our stuff", so he creates a Scarejew. "Oh! Oh, its Hitler! Oh my God, protect Jon Stewart, he's our most precious natural resource!"

The trip to the 2nd chance store to find Peter a new suit. Stewie playing with the Raggedy Ann doll. "I'm not your whore! Its excess water weight you bastard! I'm sorry, I was only kidding! / Well, I guess I can play with it 3 weeks out of the month ..." When Peter comes upon the piece de resistance, the flannel pajamas with a flap in the back. "Good Lord! You mean I can be pooping and warm? No longer will I have to make a choice!"

The Yahtzee game. "You roll the dice, then flap your arms like this and yell Yahtzee! / And you'll do it? / Of course / Yahtzee! / Gay"

Then Peter discovers his magical powers by dragging his flannel pj's across the carpet. "Oh my God. I'm Jesus. Lois, I don't mean to sound the alarm but, I think I might be Jesus / Peter, that's a static shock caused by OW! / Kneel before Christ!"

Lois gets sick of it so she has Quagmire come over to rip up the carpeting. "Well I gotta be honest with you Lois, when you said you wanted your carpet ripped up I thought ... never mind, never mind, its fine, its fine. Hey, you want me to leave a little landing strip? / No, I want it all gone! / Alright! Goin Brazilian!"

Opening the restaurant with the coin they found that was worth $50,000. "Hey, do you take Discover? / Do we take Discover? Hey Lois, this guy wants to know if we take Discover card / Ha ha ha / Sir, your Discover card is of no value here. A Discover card says I cannot get a real credit card, because they approve anyone ... / You don't have to insult me, you can just decline to take the / I will insult you! And you will stand there and take it!"

Then the cripples roll in, as Joe and his buddies decide to make Big Pete's House of Munch their new hangout. "Oh, oh God, you know there's gonna be a disgrunted Vietnam Vet in there ... oh, there he is / I've seen some things man. Things."

So Peter is hacked that his "dream restaurant" has turned into a "cripple hangout", so he changes the rules to "no shoes, no shirt, no legs, no service". Joe and his fellow cripples gang up to attack, via the Crippletron 3000. After the ensuing battle and destruction ends, with an appearance by Ben Stiller's ears, Peter is confined to a wheelchair.

"No. Because I will be a dignified cripple!" And with those words, my favorite scene in Family Guy history unfolds to the music of Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues", as Peter is carted around Quahog on the back of the wagon, pushed down the steps, chases his daughter but can't reach her because of his limitations, and ends with Peter bawling in frustration, and wheeling his way over to Joe's house to apologize. "Joe, until my accident I had no idea how hard you cripples had it. I've been in a wheelchair for 45 minutes ..."

Episode ends with two good friends making up, and an invite from Joe. "Hey, Bonnie and I are getting ready to watch Grey's Anatomy, if you'd like to join us / Gosh Joe that ... that sounds awful".

Man I love this show ...