chiefs! browns! better than expected ...

(postgame tailgate)
(steve) I choose to focus on the positive.
(everyone) (laughs all around)
(steve) For example, I don't have to pay to watch these guys play again until August!
(everyone) (laughs all around)
(tyler) wait, isn't the first payment due in February?
(steve) (realizes tyler is right) dammit! Way to ruin the moment for me pal ...

---------------

Fun fact of the week! Four AFC teams are officially eliminated from playoff consideration. The 3-11 Cleveland Browns. The 5-9 Buffalo Bills. The 5-9 oakland raiders. And your 3-11 Kansas City Chiefs. What do the other three "lovable losers" have in common?

They've all won at Arrowhead this year.

Nice job, Coach Asshat.

Ugh. Yesterday was a lot of things. The end of an era, as the sellout streak crashes and burns. The end of the home portion of the schedule, as the Chiefs will post a sub-.500 record at home for the third consecutive year, something I previous thought impossible to accomplish. The end of a long affiliation with the team for a number of former loyal, die-hard season ticket holders. (Note: I don't blame them one damned bit. Until and unless Todd Haley is replaced as head coach, this team has zero shot of on-field success. Zero. I don't blame anyone for refusing to commit thousands of dollars to a hopeless cause. And the Todd Haley coached Chiefs are the textbook definition of a "hopeless cause").

But yesterday was also hands down the most entertaining game the Chiefs played all season. If you'd told me that a team with 2 wins that has quit on its coach would come in here in late December and stage a shootout for the ages against us, I'd have laughed my ass off at you and asked for some of what you were smoking. So let's call yesterday what it was: one helluva entertaining game, that exposed for all of Arrowhead Nation to see the fatal, unrepairable flaws that Coach Asshat brings to the table.

Todd Must Go. I know I keep saying this every week, the phrase "after yesterday, if anyone still doubts this ...", but seriously. After yesterday, if anyone still doubts this irrefutable, iron-clad fact, if anyone can actually justify giving this inept, incompetent coach a second chance to fail miserably, then please, call Charter or Two Rivers and check yourself in for some professional evaluation of your mental health.

(Or put it this way: when even Jason Whitlock is hopping on board the "Todd Haley is an idiot of a coach" express, and that guy couldn't see a tree in front of him if you planted him in the forest, when even Jason Whitlock is saying "maybe we f*cked up the coaching hire", that ought to tell you something).

As always, let's hit the recap ...

* another late start yesterday. The bus didn't depart the station until almost 7:15, and didn't get to the gates until nearly 7:40. We were still second in line, right behind Larry and next to Carl. Chiefs football. Catch the fever!

* Still had a remarkably high number of riders yesterday. 8 to be exact.

* Gate 6 opened early yesterday! Usually we're the last gate to open, well after the posted 8:30 start time. The bus was parked and unloaded by 8:30 yesterday morning.

* Figured out Carl's secret for how he's always the first one in, usually a solid 20, 25 minutes before the gates open. Ingenius, I say. Ingenius.

* Actual conversation at about 8:20 yesterday morning:

(katie) Kellie just texted me. She says they'll be here in about an hour.
(steve) (laughing hysterically) my ass Dusty and Kellie get here in an hour!
(katie) no, really! She says they're getting ready to head to his folks to get everything.
(steve) (still laughing hysterically) there isn't a shot in hell that kid gets here by 9:30!

They arrived at 9:28. Probably good I didn't wager on his arrival time.

* brutally cold wind yesterday morning. Thankfully, the EZ-ups went, uuh, up relatively easily. It was perfectly comfortable for tailgating.

* the menu yesterday was as good as it gets. Prime rib and boiled shrimp. Veggies, mashed potaters, and toasted rolls. Ridiculously strong wassel -- funny story here. Everyone who tried it, thought it was ridiculously potent. Way too much rum (if that's possible). Once Mona found out about our opinion, she goes "well, Nancy was saying yesterday it was too strong, but you know Nancy, she's not much of a drinker, so I put in some more cranberry juice, but I didn't really believe her". Yeah, it was strong. Toss in plenty of champagne, vodka, orange juice, and 2/3 of a kegger left over from the Christmas party the night before, and, well, for the final time this season ... Ain't we lucky we got 'em? (na na na na na!) Good Times!!!

* the parking lot yesterday was as deserted as it gets. There was nobody, literally nobody, parked between our three tailgating groups and the entrance to Lot G. A solid 75 feet of empty grass until Dusty got there. Then it was a solid 70 feet of deserted grass. Here's where you could crack the "wait, he never leaves grass deserted!" joke ... oh wait, I just did.

* Gregg and his dad showed up about 10:20. No need to hurry out early fellas. Using their other two seats were Brent and J Rob! Gotta love that. Got in some good prep talk for our upcoming BuKCs trip, plus they helped put a dent in the keg. And also led to one of the funniest moments of Tailgating 2009, involving me, Gregg and his dad talking about something, as someone was standing right behind Gordon smoking ... and Gregg and I just looking at each other in awe at Gordo being completely oblivious to the smoke behind him. (It wasn't a cigarette being consumed). G and I just start laughing, and that leads into the "that is the problem with the three man pass rush" joke, and it just started rolling downhill from there. Even the smoker was laughing at Gordo not noticing by the end. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I effing love tailgating.

* Making its first appearance in 2009 ... keg stands! You know things are tanking fast when Tyler of all people gets the stands started.

* Sad news yesterday -- the final home game of Bill Grigsby's career. The Pride of Parkville is stepping aside to "spend more time with his family". Here's hoping the cocktails go down even easier in retirement than they did while you were on the air, champ.

* I completely agree with Gregg, there should be three statues outside of Arrowhead (like the ones outside of Kauffman), of Lamar Hunt, Tony DiParto, and Bill Grigsby. The only debate should be whether Bill is double fisting or not. (I say yes).

* Didn't start heading in until almost 11:30. To say there was no real rush to get inside the gates, is an understatement.

* Broke in the new flask yesterday. And used the old one too. Chiefs security: where people smuggling multiple flasks into the stadium happens!

* Nice gesture on the Chiefs part to offer the $5 vouchers to everyone yesterday.

* Plenty of empty seats yesterday. Nobody sat between the couple next to me and the aisle, and I sit smack dab in the middle of the row.

* Another sad moment. I arrive, get to my seat, and find two ridiculously attractive girls next to me. I'm in utter disbelief. I even texted something like "holy sh*t you should see what's sitting next to me today!" Then Russ arrives, and scares the chicks off. Not sure what he said, but he got to his seat, said a few words, and they were gone. Oh well. I'll just dream about what could have been, I guess.

* Funniest moment during the game: Russ kept losing everything yesterday. He lost his gloves (left them in the bathroom). Lost his phone (fell out of his coat when he took it off). After a while of him constantly losing stuff, we decide to prank him, and Mona manages to get the keys to the bus off of him. The last 15 minutes of the game, Russ is frantically searching under his seat, under the other seats, searching his coat pockets, his jeans pockets, he has no clue where the keys are. Mona and I are laughing hysterically. Russ hasn't caught on yet. We ask him "everything ok?" He's like "yeah, yeah, its good". So as we're leaving afterwards, he's in somewhat of a state of shock and panic, a "how do I explain that I lost the keys" face. Finally we let him in on the prank, and he goes "oh, I knew, I knew". That led to even more laughs, considering he's spent the last 15 minutes looking for the keys. The lesson? When the Chiefs suck this bad, you have to make up your own entertainment. I guess.

* Could not tell you one thing about KC Wolf's sketch. Wasn't paying attention. Although I can probably guess what happened -- "Browns fan" mocks Wolf, runs away, Wolf hops on board conveniently placed ATV and proceeds to beat up "Browns fan" after driving down the tunnel.

* David Cook on the National Anthem! Very nice. But the pregame flyover, uuh, fellas? You were a solid minute, 90 seconds early on that. I'm telling you, single biggest waste of taxpayer money known to mankind, flyovers are.

* Cleveland's opening drive ended in a field goal. The highlight had to be on the 3rd down incompletion, when the PA guy had no clue how to pronounce Mohammed Massaquoi's name. "Pass intended for Mohammed Mass ... Massaq ... Mohammed".

* Chiefs first drive ended in a fumble. Chiefs challenged the ruling. I thought Castille was down. Thought the replay was pretty obvious that he was down. Ref Gene Stenatore didn't see it that way.

* Of course, the fumble didn't matter, as Brandon Carr picked off Brady Quinn's next pass. Quinn looked atrocious yesterday. The whole Cleveland offense in the first half looked atrocious. Sadly, they figured out at halftime "wait, the Chiefs can't stop the run, maybe we might want to give it to this Jerome Harrison dude".

* Chiefs tie things at 3 after the interception, and then Joshua Cribbs happened for the first time. Probably fitting his initials are JC, because I was dropping our Lord and Savior's name repeatedly after that return. Missed tackles everywhere. Sadly, that wasn't even close to the worst moment for the Chiefs special teams yesterday.

* Browns tack on a field goal to push the lead to 13-3. I text "major league voice: these guys are sh*tty!" The first "when are we leaving?" discussions begin.

* a few tailgating folks made it onto the big screen yesterday. Will and our buddy Castro across the street. Of course, considering that between all of us, we made up about half the folks out there yesterday, it makes sense that some members of the group would get some screen time.

* Chiefs score to cut the lead to 13-10. Chambers saved Cassel on the key play of the drive, a 40 yard bomb to the Cleveland 8 that sat up there forever. Chambers managed to make the play. Both teams had issues throwing into the east side of the stadium yesterday. Our end, the wind was fine. East end, not so good.

* Chiefs then get the ball back, and Jamaal Charles is gone, a 50 yard scamper to paydirt. This is starting to turn into a fun little football game.

* And the Chiefs weren't done. Browns ready to punt, and Mona drops the "I feel a block coming up here" comment. Not quite a block ... but the Browns punter screws up the snap, the ball rolls into the end zone, and the Chiefs recover to go up 24-13! Funny moment: the refs are trying to sort out the pile of players to see who has the football, and Andy Studebaker walks up to them with the football. He'd been dancing around the end zone with the ball celebrating the score, as the refs are trying to figure out who has the ball. Good comedy.

* So now, up 24-13, having scored 21 unanswered, the fans that were there are rocking, what do the Chiefs do? If you said "gave up an untouched, unchallenged 103 yard kick return touchdown to Josh Cribbs", you'd be correct. A pathetic, absolutely pathetic, display on that play by the Chiefs special teams. We go to the half at 24-20 Chiefs, and the Chiefs get the ball. So far, a great day of football.

* First possession of the second half, Mark Bradley drops a third down conversion. The boos start raining down. Deservedly so. Our receivers have worse hands than me, and I was routinely the last person picked when we used to play every Sunday at Holy Trinity back in the day because "Steve can't catch the ball".

* Harrison. 71 yards. Untouched right up the middle. Touchdown Browns. To say the Chiefs run defense sucks ass, is an understatement. The Chiefs run defense gave up 351 yards on the ground yesterday. They gave up 200 yards last week to Buffalo. They gave up 245 to denver to open the month. To the surprise of noone, the Chiefs went 0-3 on this homestand.

* Ensuing Chiefs possession, now trailing 27-24, another dropped third down conversion. More boos.

* More proof throwing in the east end was a mess yesterday -- Brady Quinn had a wide open Mohammed, only the wind held up the ball so long that Brandon Flowers was playing center field waiting for the throw. Easy INT. Still 27-24 Browns as we head to the fourth.

* Another Harrison touchdown pushes the lead to 10 at 34-24. I text "i think hes approaching nfl record for one game". He was -- he'd wind up 12 yard shy of posting the NFL's best rushing day ever. I also drop the "if we dont score on this drive were bus bound" text.

* Chiefs manage a field goal, 34-27. Guess I'm sticking around for a while.

* Browns drive, Chiefs D actually stops them on third down, and Dawson from 52 ... no good! Chiefs still alive with about 4 minutes to go!

* Best drive of the season? It opens with a Cassel bomb to D Bowe that is upheld after a Cleveland challenge. A really sweet 3rd down call, an inside draw to Charles that catches the Browns defenders napping to set up the final last gasp to tie. On 4th and 6 at the Browns 12, barely 2 minutes to play, here's your ballgame for all intents and purposes. Cassel calmly takes the snap, and nails a strike to Mark Bradley for the touchdown! Horrendous pass coverage by the Browns on the play, Bradley was wide open. But we'll take it! Tied at 34! 2 minutes to go! Oh. But wait. The Chiefs can't stop the run. And this Harrison dude is pretty good ...

* Dumb decision of the day, by Harrison. After exploding into the Chiefs secondary, he runs the goalline to bleed the clock ... and then crosses the goalline. The Chiefs only had one timeout left. The smart decision there is to fall down at the two, run a play, and kick the field goal as time expires to win. Instead, he gave the Chiefs a chance by scoring. Chiefs managed to get to the Browns 26 for a Hail Mary attempt, but again, the east end wind was wreaking havoc on any pass yesterday. Cassel's last gasp wasn't even close. But because Harrison didn't go down at the 2, we had a last gasp. 41-34 Browns.

* Either I'm mellowing out, becoming more accepting of losing, or just don't give a sh*t about this team anymore, because I didn't feel bad at all leaving yesterday. No "dammit we should have won" anger. Just laughing, smiling, talking with the seat neighbors, almost like we'd won. I don't like this development.

* On the way out, said goodbye to Larry and Carl, said goodbye to the new tailgating neighbors in the short bus, thankfully everyone I talked to yesterday said they're renewing for the most part. Good.

* One funny note I forgot -- Chris and Greg, who sit in front of me, they sold off their seats because she had some family deal to be at. The guys who bought their tickets were fun, good folks, only at about halftime, who comes walking down the aisle? Chris! She was listening to the game driving home, and figured "well, let's see if I can get in". Drove right through the gates, parked, and didn't even need a ticket to stroll in. You gotta love it -- Chiefs football is so sh*tty that you literally can show up after kickoff and not pay a dime to witness it.

* Also funny -- watching people try to sell tickets on the walk in. Tyler got $5 for his extra. Dusty got $20 for his extras. Each took a beating given face value on those suckers.

* Postgame tailgate, relatively uneventful. Stuck around for a while, most folks hitting the keg, me hitting the screwdrivers. I hate the last home game, because it means there's a long, long time to go before we do this again for football. (I love tailgating Royals games, don't get me wrong. I'm always up for a summer tailgate. But they're nowhere near as fun or special as Chiefs tailgates.)

* Back at the Bus Barn, a special visit from Santa Gus! Bringing bottled joy to all the boys and girls!

* Got home about 6:50. Had to love watching denver lose, at home, to oakland. (Also had the "if terrorists hit that game today, it is not a national tragedy" debate earlier with our resident donkeys fan. She wasn't amused).

* I almost forgot -- lots of "Jersey Shore" stuff yesterday. Fist pumping to the Black Eyed Peas cd. Jokes about who'd be the first one to "pound one out" in the bus. Breakdowns of MTV not showing Snooki getting pounded, yet leaving no doubt what happened. (Which begs the question: why not just show the damned clip? You'll air a chick lovingly staring at a pierced penis on this show, but you won't air THE clip that put the show on the cultural map? Ridiculous.)

And of course, the King of Making Fun of Himself (me), doing this:

(steve) hold on, here's the situation. (pulls up shirt)
(everyone) (laughs all around)
(steve) it is! It's the situation!
(everyone) (still laughing)
(dusty) (struggling to talk while laughing) that isn't the situation, that's the issue!

Brought the house down.

* Also had to make fun of the tailgating neighbor with the Ed Hardy coozie. As I noted, "isn't that the designer that tool Jon Gosselin wears?" Yup, it is. Enough said.

* Loved the new tradition of hanging the stuffed stockings on the bus for each person. That's something to continue next year.

* Funniest sign during the game: a couple guys over in 133 holding it up. The first poster board said "I should have stayed home to watch this!" with an arrow pointing to the second poster board ... which was nothing but a huge black board.

* So now, the $1000 question. To renew or not to renew. On the field, I'm infuriated with this team, especially with the head coach and his staff. That's documented all over this site. But off the field, things are still good. We added some good folks this year that made the group better. We lost some folks that, again, made the group better as a result. Guess I'm back in for another round next year. I hope all of you are as well.

* And if you're not a season ticket holder, why not get in on the ground floor? You can score season tickets in the upper deck for less than $300. You've got a built in tailgating group that's in it for all the right reasons (love of the team, love of having fun, love of alcohol). Come on. You know you want to ...