the week 13 picks

(archie voice) we ready ... we ready ... we ready ... for y'all ...

(Or at least I am. Bring it denver! Effing bring it! Oh how I live for this game …)

Last Week SU: 11-5-0
Season to Date SU: 104-72-0

Last Week ATS: 7-9-0
Season to Date ATS: 82-93-1

Last Week Upset / Week: another donkeys winner.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 6-6.
This Week's Upset / Week: take a freaking guess.

The Non-Chiefs Predictions:

* Jets (-3) 24, Bills 20, in Toronto.
* at Steelers (-14) 31, raiders 14.
* at Jaguars (pick) 21, Texans 20.
* Titans (+6 1/2) 28, at Colts 20.
* at Falcons (+5 1/2) 27, Eagles 24.
* at Bengals (-13) 45, Lions 3.
* Saints 21, at Redskins (+9) 20.
* at Panthers 7, Bucs (+6 1/2) 3.
* at Bears 31, Rams (+9) 24.
* Chargers (-13) 56, at Browns 0.
* 49ers (pick) 31, at Seahawks 20.
* Cowboys (-2 1/2) 34, at Giants 30.
* Patriots 24, at Dolphins (+6) 20.
* Vikings (-5) 34, at Cardinals 21.
* Ravens (+3) 16, at Packers 14.

The Bonus College Pick:

* Nebraska (+14) 27, Texas 23. The return to all that is good, right, and decent about college football continues in a big way. Tradition should matter. Power I should matter. Winning with class, integrity, and a suffocating defense should matter. Saturday night, it does. (And yes, I'm tempted to haul the Huskers hockey jersey out of the back of the closet for this one. Hell, I might go with the Lawrence Phillips Orange Bowl jersey from the 1994 championship season. Anything to swing the outcome. Go Big Red! Go Big Red!)

The Chiefs Prediction:

This is the part where I should deliver some inspirational, uplifting, "hell yes!" speech that inspires the masses to show up on Sunday. Its what I did for years in the picks email at (steve's former employer). Its what I did for a few years in the picks email at (steve's current employer). Its what I tend to do for home games on this site.

Only ... I'm not going to do it.

In years past for denver games, I've laid out the reasons why I hate the denver broncos. I've (big fancy word here) "regaled" you with tales of denver games past, of epic Chiefs victories. I've pointed out how many thugs denver has employed. I've noted how devoted reader and former roommate Gregg calling donkeys owner patrick j. bowlen a "classless jackass" to his face, is one of my favorite moments in life.

But … I'm not planning to do that today.

Nor am I going to blast the "bandwagon" fans who are contemplating not showing up due to the "cold", or the "Chiefs record", or the fact that its going to be "cold". Even though I really, really want to ... I'm (dana carvey voice) not gonna do it.

(OK, I lied, I am gonna do it. What the hell kind of fan uses the cold as an excuse to miss this tailgate or this game? Next week fine, its acceptable. But denver? You're gonna pussy out on the donkeys game because you're cold? I call bullsh*t. Nobody hates the cold more than me. Nobody! I start shivering if the temperature falls below 70. I'm in multiple layers as soon as the temperature hits 65. Currently at the apartment, I've turned into a grizzley bear -- I've moved the flat screen and the computer into my bedroom, which turns into a sweatshop thanks to the two space heaters I have going. It hit 94 degrees in there last night. I couldn't be happier. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Screw the cold! Suck it up! Show up! Do your part!)

I even thought about laying out the reasons I'm showing up on Sunday ... only, that would sound like an inspirational, uplifting, "hell yes" speech. You can only tout my love of tailgating, my hatred of denver, my history of public intoxication, and my 2,093,928 (approximate) losing streak at washers to Dusty so many times before it gets to be routine.

Instead ... I'm going to do something I'm pretty sure I've never done before in a Chiefs Prediction section.

I'm going to keep it short and simple.

My four line thoughts on what will happen, courtesy of Muse.

"They will not force us!
They will stop degrading us!
They will not control us!
We will be victorious!!!"

at Chiefs (+4 1/2) 30, donkeys 21.

If you're coming Sunday, you know where we are. Hope to see you there. We'll be set up when the gates open. Grassy Lot, across from G30. Menu is chilis and soups. Plus a healthy helping of vodka, champagne, beer, bench warmers, and hot damn! Show up early. Stay late and party. Have some fun. Make Arrowhead rock like it has the last two weekends. It felt like old times in there for Pittsburgh. You couldn't have had more fun at KU / MU even if you tried. Let's keep this thing rolling. (blackstreet voice) play on playa ...