You know, for being eleven seasons in, this show still has
some staying power. It still has the
ability to impress you, to move you … and to stun the hell out of you when you
least expect it.
Possibly never more so than the final performance last
night, as Phil (who, in the interest of full disclosure, is who I want to win
this season at this point) took a song that is nearly as old as I am … and
knocked it to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base.
Here’s how I’d rate the nine performances last night, from
worst to first …
* Josh, covering “Imagine” by John Lennon. Hang on, I need to step away from the laptop
for a minute. (stevo taking 2/1000ths of
a second to compose himself …)
There are certain songs that no one should ever attempt to
tackle, because the first effort, was so flawless, so perfect, that anything
you do to said song, will only wind up looking weak, pathetic, and
inferior. And no song is that more true
of, than “Imagine”.
Blake Lewis, my all-time favorite contestant on this show
(although, to be fair, Phil is rapidly gaining on him), butchered this song in
season six. David “Asshat” Archuleta
nearly made the ghost of John Lennon decapitate him with his embarrassing
effort on this in season seven.
And last night? Josh
basically unzipped his pants and let it whiz on the greatest song a human being
has even written and/or recorded. The
beauty of “Imagine” is its simplicity – it’s one man, at his piano, putting
into words his idea of utopia.
What Josh did to this song?
Should infuriate anyone who gets what John Lennon meant when he composed
this masterpiece. Please, “Idol”
contestants, and any singer anywhere for that matter? Leave perfection alone.
Grade: F.
* Jessica, covering “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. I’ll give the girl this: she’s
got balls of steel, to choose an Aerosmith song with its singer judging
her. Unfortunately, her performance was
in the ballpark of “god awful”, and within a base of “shitty”.
Her vocal was underwhelming, the arrangement was a mess, and
again, see my point regarding Josh’s abysmal effort on “Imagine” – some songs
are so well known, so perfectly done the first time out, that attempting to “cover”
or “reinvent” them, come off as pathetic.
Grade: D.
* Phil, covering “Beggin” by Madcon. It was a perfectly acceptable cover. I’m absolutely willing to pay $1.29 to listen
to it again on iTunes. But it was one of
his weaker efforts this season, and didn’t come anywhere close to anything else
performed last night.
(Have to admit up front: I argued five weeks ago that this
was the deepest talent pool “Idol” has ever had for a top seven. When Colton is your seventh best
competitor? When Skylar can’t get a
homecoming? Sick talent. Sick.)
Grade: D+. Put it
this way – all three contestants had at least one god-awful effort last night. And
each of them had one epic performance.
How America judges their middling, average effort? Determines who advances.
* Jessica, covering “My All” by Mariah Carey. This was JLo’s choice for her, and I actually
liked the performance. I thought she did
a perfectly acceptable job. My problem
with Jessica is this: how does she get better from here?
Yes, it’s a harsh criticism … but it’s a fair one. Kelly Clarkson had superstar written all over
her. Ditto Carrie Underwood and Jordin
Sparks. David Cook is an acquired taste,
but one worth acquiring. Even Scottie,
as much as I was not a fan, even Scottie you knew exactly who he was, and what
he was going to aim for as an artist.
Jessica? I have no
clue. She wants to be a diva-style
singer … but I don’t think she has the voice to pull it off, as evidenced last
night. She’s not country, she’s not top
40 pop … still, this was a perfectly acceptable effort that, as Slezak pointed
out in his quick hit summary, you’ll forget about 30 seconds from now.
Grade: C+.
* Josh, covering “I’d Rather Go Blind” by Etta James. In the interest of full disclosure, no contestant
save for Katherine McPhee, has even driven me as bat shit crazy as Josh
does. He annoys the crap out of me. But since I strive to be objective … this was
a perfectly mediocre performance that I never want to hear again.
Grade: B-.
* Phil, covering Matchbox 20’s “Disease”. I love Matchbox 20, but this was the wrong
song to choose. (This was Phil’s song
choice). If he wanted to do Matchbox 20
(which was a good call), he should have gone with “Unwell” or for a truly
inspired choice, “Long Day”. I fear this
perfectly mediocre effort is what will send him home tonight.
Grade: B.
* Jessica, covering “I’ll Be There” by the Jackson 5. A really solid effort that got overshadowed
by the remaining two performances. If
you close your eyes and just listen to the performance, you’ll totally dig
it. If you actually watch the
performance, you’ll just like it. Not a
good sign for The Sanchize’s long-term prospects to become the next great
American recording artist this show launches.
Grade: B+.
* Josh, covering “No More Drama” by Mary J. Blige. There will be some who argue this was so
over-the-top that it was unbearable. And
believe me – on first listen, I was one of you, right down to the “Jesus, he
stripped the suit coat off AGAIN?!?!” portion of the performance. Only, give it a second, a third, a fourth
listen. This was epically good. I loved the over-the-top theatrics, I loved
how he totally threw himself emotionally into the song. And again, in the interest of full disclosure
– the only “Idol” contestant to reach top four status I have ever hated more
than Josh, is Katherine McPhee. He
nailed this, and earned a spot in the final.
Excellent effort.
Grade: A.
But the best performance of the night, the most unexpected
performance of the night, got the pimp slot, to close the show down …
* Phil, covering “We’ve Got Tonight” by Bob Seger. I have to admit, when Jimmy gave this as his
choice to Phil, I cringed. This song is
not in Phil’s wheelhouse. I had zero
expectations entering it.
Sweet freaking Jesus.
If this is Phil’s final “Idol” moment, and I suspect it is,
give the kid this – he went out on an epically high note, a top six of all time
performance. (I’d rate it sixth, behind
Blake’s “You Give Love a Bad Name”, Diana’s “Don’t Cry Out Loud”, JHud’s “Weekend
in New England” (that somehow got her voted out, what the f*ck?!?!), Carrie’s “Alone”,
and LaKisha’s “This Ain’t a Love Song” … and just ahead of Kris’ “Heartless”
and David Cook’s “The World I Know”.)
I loved how he kept to the soft, subdued, almost
whisper-like version the original was. I
loved how he avoided a huge finish, instead closing it out exactly as it should
be – with an air of regret, of knowing the plea of the song is going to go unfulfilled.
And yeah, I totally loved how the eye shot at the 2:11 mark
of the clip revealed he might be higher than a kite. It’s called Visine kid. You might want to invest in some.
Anyone my age-ish? Has a connection to this song, and this is why, at least for me. One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite shows.
Anyone my age-ish? Has a connection to this song, and this is why, at least for me. One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite shows.
Grade: A+. Awesome
effort I can’t stop replaying, and can’t wait to download on iTunes. I just fear it’s not enough to get him
through tonight to next week …
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