steve reviews the new k

After yesterday, I've now been to four games at the refurbished Kauffman Stadium. (Yes, I know: only 4 games and its June 1st. I'm way low on that count by my standards ...)

So, here's my initial 10 thoughts of (the who voice) "meet(ing) the new boss, the same as the old boss ..."

The Great:

1. the tailgating situation has not only remained spectacularly good -- if anything, its improved! There are more port a potties in the lots than ever before, and unlike years past, none of them are locked! The parking lots, most have been repaved or will be by this time next year. Always a good thing for those of us who tailgate barefoot.

And unlike a Chiefs game at the same complex, there are no parking nazis to tow your car if you don't park where they direct you. Dusty, Kellie and I got out there about 11:30 yesterday. We wanted to park in the back of a lot, and be pointed out to escape easier after the game. So, we parked on the grassy lot behind Lot A, under a tree for some shade. Not only did the parking guys standing around us not say anything, they started making small talk with us, asking Dusty "when you gonna be back? We need you!" in reference to the Soria jersey he had on at that point. I'm telling you, friendly, courteous support staff who stay the hell out of the way unless you ask for them to get involved. What a novel idea. Here's hoping the new brass across the parking lot grasps this.

And -- another positive for tailgating! -- you now have easier access from the parking lots to the stadium! You don't have to stand and wait for 10 freaking minutes anymore trying to cross in from Lot A / B / C to the stadium while a never ending flow of traffic is in front of you! The former throughway is now a two lane, non-access road, and there are many more crosswalks than before!

Seriously, I hate to sound like I'm in love with a parking lot, but hell, I am in love with that parking lot. Any one of them out there. It ain't officially summer, after all, until I'm tossing washers in that parking lot, with a frosty cold adult beverage in my hand and wondering where the hell my t-shirt vanished to. I love that parking lot. I live for days like yesterday. I am thrilled -- absolutely giddy! -- that the revamped stadium's tailgating situation is, if anything, even better than it already was.

(Side note: walking in yesterday through Lot A, we passed some chicks sitting around on the ground, enjoying some margaritas ... on a beach towel. Tell me that isn't f*cking awesome: sitting on a beach towel, getting smashed, in a parking lot of all places. Not a beach, a parking lot! See, I'm not the only one with a strange passion for that slab of concrete ...)

2. the new center field seats. We bought tickets out there yesterday, but couldn't get 3 together. So, we just headed down to the front row and lasted almost 4 innings there. The view is absolutely jaw-dropping. The second hitter for Chicago sent a smash that Meier had to haul ass to retrieve. He lept no more than 15 feet in front of us to catch the thing. The only view I've ever sat in to compare the new CF seats to is in Omaha for the College World Series, if you get there early enough to get one of the front row spots near center field. (Which I always try to do).

3. the look of the stadium itself. Watching it go up last fall during Chiefs tailgating and games, I thought it would be hideous. I hate "modern design" for the most part. (Then again, I love late 60s / early 70s architecture, so clearly I have strange tastes in building design). But the final look is just awesome. The glass surrounding with the Royals logo etched into the glass, a great touch. Many more ticket windows, actually manned by living, breathing human beings. More gates for quicker entry. And I actually love the huge stones separating the parking areas from the main stadium. I think it looks neat. All in all, well done on the asthetics, design team. Job well done.

4. the Rivals sports bar, and the Miller Lite patio bar. Rivals is in right field, the Miller Lite one is in left. Both are wonderful options (if you get there early enough) to watch a game like you were at a bar, except the game is live right in front of you. Plus, as someone who's sat in that outfield for years ... ok, decades ... doing what I do best (sit in the sun with a shirt off and drink), seriously, vodka tonics! 100 feet from my seat! I don't have to walk all the way in to section 106 anymore to get something other than crappy domestic beer!

5. Oxygen Tank Dude is alive and well! Ran into him yesterday, and saw him Memorial Day as well. That man is a living, breathing institution. Nice to see the Royals still accommodated him with a front row outfield seat. Hell, they should comp the guy his seats, the last 5-6 years, he's been the only thing in right field worth celebrating. (Except, of course, for whenever a nicely shaped female shows up in the bikini top, that's always something worth rooting for!)

The Good:

1. You can now walk around the entire stadium. I've never cared much about it, but if you want to move from left field to right field (as we did yesterday in the 7th inning) to check out a different view, it is a shorter walk now since you just go behind the scoreboard instead of all the way around the field.

2. The Party Porch in right field. I don't think I'd want to stand for the whole game like those folks do, but I'm guessing come mid August, when the Royals are in the thick of the pennant race and its 105 and sunny out, standing in front of the fountains to watch the game is going to seem like a really good idea.

3. Prices really didn't go up much. Tickets did go up, but there's so many package options available that really, its no more expensive than last year. (Case in point: shop at HyVee, buy $50 worth of groceries, booze, whatever from them, take your receipt to the customer service counter ... and all Royals tickets become half off. Outstanding buying option for those of us hurting for money!). Parking held the line at $9, although I'd be perfectly fine with them charging $10. Never understood why you just don't round that up, who actually pays with 9 one dollar bills to park? (Oh wait, we did yesterday. Never mind).

Beer's up a quarter with the vendors to $7.25. La de friggin da, I always tip a buck anyways, now they just get $.75. There's still all the promotional item days from the last few years, like the Bob Evans loaded tickets (buy 4 tickets for $60 and each ticket comes with $10 in concessions loaded onto it. A ticket and a Smirnoff and Sprite for $15, I love it). College night is an awesome idea this year: if you show your college ID, you get in for $5 on Wednesdays. (And yes, I still have my college ID. Gregg ain't the only one who can milk that thing 10 years out for something good). And of course, everyone's favorite promo night, "Dollar Cocktail Night!" (Or as most folks refer to it, Buck Night).

The Ugly:

1. The tools the Royals have hauled out for their in-between innings promotions. Guys, seriously. This is MAJOR League Baseball. You don't have to act like ass clowns to get folks to show up. We don't need stupid gimicky ideas like the Midwest Airlines luggage game, or the Hot Dog Launch, to get fans in the seats. I'm there to watch a ballgame. Not a circus. Less of Josh and friends, more Garth Brooks singing "Friends in Low Places" and "Text Choice Songs" to pass the 2 minutes, 15 seconds between half innings.

The Outrageous:

1. Bathrooms. To say that the restroom situation at the new Stadium is ridiculous, is a little bit like saying Barack Obama won last November. You're stating the obvious and enraging the person hearing the news again. The outfield bathrooms, if you can call them that, are so badly designed, all I could think of was that famous exchange in "Armageddon" --

(bruce willis) who designed this? This is a piss poor design!
(engineer dude) Sir, I get that you think this is poorly designed --
(bruce willis) no, I didn't say poor. I said piss poor!

The outfield bathroom have one door in, one door out. Causing a constant backup. They also no longer have troughs ... but instead, now have 3 whole urinals and two stools to accommodate 10,000 people out there on a day like yesterday. 4 bathrooms, 20 toilets, 10,000 potential users. See a problem?

Seriously, whoever designed the restrooms at the new place needs to be forced to drink large amounts of water, then have an enema performed on them, while a game when Greinke is pitching is going on. Good luck not p*ssing on yourself. I didn't even drink yesterday during the game, I had two bottles of water. The one time I got up to pee, it took me an inning and a half to get back to my seat. That is outrageous.

To their credit, the Royals know they've f*cked this up, because for high-traffic games like yesterday, they have port-a-potties set up now to the sides of the Little K.

Which begs two questions. (1) When is the problem going to be legitimately fixed, and (2) who the hell thought putting rows of port-a-potties next to a kid's attraction was a good idea?!?! (2) bugs me more than (1) to be honest.

I mean, I know how I am at these things. Pushing a .15, no shirt on, needing to whiz like there's no tomorrow at some point during the game. We've all been there. (OK, most of us have.) So why do you put our area of relief next to where the kids are? Makes no sense to me. Then again, considering its me, that's not surprising.

Overall:

A-. Everything but the bathroom situation is a winner in my book. Newly paved, better planned parking lots and tailgating areas. Easier access to the stadium. More ticket booths and gates. New seats with vastly improved views. Once they stop putting Johnny on the Spots next to the merry go rounds, and start building more permanent fixtures for folks to use, that grade will go up.