Thursday, August 14, 2014

"the family" funeral part cinco: the family itself

“And I?
Never thought I’d feel
This way.

And as far as I’m concerned?
I’m glad I got the chance to say?
That I do believe I love you.

And if,
I should ever
Go away?

Well then close your eyes
And try, to feel the way
We do today.

And then if you can remember …

Keep smiling.
Keep shining.
Knowing you can always count on me,
For sure.

(Because) that’s what friends are for!

For good times,
And bad times?
I’ll be on your side forever more.

That’s what friends are for …

-- “That’s What Friends Are For”, by Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Stevie Wonder … and the greatness, that is Sir Elton John.


For the record, we’ve reached midfield, in this series of posts.  Four down, four (counting this one) to go.

And for the record?

The opening lyrics to this post?  Used to define The Family.


It couldn't be a bigger pile of bullshit, if the greatness that is Bevo himself, left a steaming pile of said bullshit, on this post.


The Four So Far:


The Four To Come:

* Part Cinco: The Family.  (To those of you who have an IQ hovering around room temperature?  This is Part Cinco.)

* Part Sies: Two Days in December. 

* Part Siete: Twenty Seven Unanswered Questions I’d Love Some (Bleeping!) Answers To.

* Part Ocho: The Final Goodbye.


The Lines In The Overall Theme Song (“Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”) That Apply To The One Member Of The Family Not Yet Profiled (Hey, That’s Me!):

* “I should have listened to my old man.”  Or more specifically, my mom, who was 100% right in what I should have done, in the aftermath of Stubbs … and yet I still contend I was 100% right in what I did do, in the aftermath of Stubbs.

* “This boy’s too young to be singing the blues.”  That’s what the alcohol is for.

* “Hunting the horny back toad.”  I did attend -- and somehow graduate -- TCU.

* “It’ll take you a couple of vodka and tonics, to set you on your feet again!”  A couple?!?!?!?!

* “So goodbye yellow brick road, where the dogs of society howl.”  I did grow up in the Golden Ghetto, (old school collection agent voice) “on the Kansas side”.

* “Maybe you’ll get a replacement; there’s plenty like me to be found.”  Good luck with that.  And I truly do mean those four words to the other members of The Family, because worst and most damning of all:


* “Oh, I’ve finally decided, my future lies?  Beyond the yellow brick road.”


11. (Advertisement Voice) “Asian Massages!  On (The) Second Floor!”

This was from the Sunday ride home from Nebraska, after spending the better part of a week up in beautiful (and for once, I’m not being sarcastic) beautiful Gering, Nebraska, for The Chica’s hometown wedding reception.

Because of the insane flooding on I-29, we had to go the long way to get to and from our destination(s) of Gering and the beautiful (again, no sarcasm!), beautiful Kansas City metropolitan area.  We wound up stopping at a truck stop just outside of beautiful (note: this one?  Employ the sarcasm), beautiful Salina, Kansas, to get some gas, get some food, and use the facilities.

When Dusty and I headed in, the quote above, was posted on the door entering this place.

I’d be lying, if I said I didn’t contemplate, heading left, up that flight of stairs, to experience an “Asian massage”.

I have very few regrets in life … but I do regret not experiencing a happy ending, at that truck stop.

10. (The Champ Voice) “I Need You!  Now!  They’re Driving Me Insane!”

The first Monday in April, 2010.  Any fan of college basketball will instantly know what happens, on the first Monday in April, in any given year.  For this given year, it was Duke vs Butler, for the national title.

I had promised my brother I’d help him finish up laying down the pergowood in the kitchen, so I’d taken a half day, and was helping him finish up, when I got the text quote above from The Champ.

Let’s just say, The Chica and The Ex, were not rooting for Duke that night.

And in the interest of full disclosure – sorry Champ, but if Gordon Hayward’s buzzer beater had gone through the net, instead of barely missing off the back of the rim?

Nobody would have been laughing in fits of joy, more than me.

I tolerate Duke.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yeah, good point.  I tolerate Duke, because I DESPISE North Carolina, especially that Rat Bastard Traitor they employ as their head coach.

9. (NSYNC Voice) “Ain’t No Lie!  Baby?  Bye Bye …”

From the last truly great event as The Family, our floater in the second week of August, 2011.  Not even a week after Nebraskapalooza, we were at it again, this time enjoying the Niangra.

8. One Last Bonfire At The OK Corral Known as Stubbs.

This would have been sometime in May 2009.  The Ex and I were still together, and I’d already moved out of the Stubbs house.  I know it was a Friday.  I got a call from The Champ, asking if we wanted to come over, and have one last evening in the backyard, enjoying burning some stuff in the bonfire pit.

It’s the little moments in life, that tend to matter to me.  That this matters more to me, than The Champ and The Chica’s wedding receptions, than a float trip, should only prove that.

7. (Stevo Voice) “Why Do We Need a Kid’s Chair?” / (The Champ’s Mom Voice) “She Has My Permission To Use His Full Name!”

From Nebraskapalooza, Day 3, the dinner at Joe’s.  You can read the recap of the day, and of why this never fails to make me laugh, by clicking here.

6. (The Ex Voice) “Really?” / (The Chica Voice) “Why Am I Not Surprised?”

Oh boy.

If ever any moment, defined The Family at its “finest”, I’d argue this was it.

Masters Sunday 2010.  (Note: sh*tty recap ... but the moment's in there, kinda, sorta ...)

It was an insanely nice day here in our fine five-county metropolitan area.  About 11:30 am, I heard from The Champ, asking what I was up to.  Noting the obvious (“I’m watching the Par 3’s online.  You?”), he threw out the “why don’t you come over and watch (the final round)?”  Seeing as we’re both insane Phil fans (especially me), that made total sense to me.

What also made total sense?  Was to re-create some of the Stubbs magic … and haul a TV out onto the deck, to at least get some sun, while watching this thing.

The Chica and The Ex were at some psychic fair downtown with some friends of theirs.  When they got back to The Champ’s place, and walked in the door, what they saw, prompted their quotes above.

Two shirtless dudes, on the back deck, completely losing it over Phil’s miracle chip out of the pine on 13* that all but sealed the win.  And there may have been a few empty beer bottles, and a few roach-like remnants, to complete the scene.

As Brad Paisley would note: “I live for little moments?  Like that.”

(*: it’s the third greatest shot I’ve ever watched at Augusta National.  The second being Eldrick’s second shot at 16 in 2005, the first being Jack’s 2nd at 15 in 1986.)

5. (The Chica Voice) “I Thought He Wanted To Give Me the Business!”

Race Weekend 2010.  It was sometime in early May; I’d be lying if I said I remembered the date. 

That Saturday, I met The Ex, we grabbed some beer, and headed out to do some tailgating beforehand.  We knew entering that day, what The Champ knew … but the Chica didn’t.

It was proposal day.

Hang on, that isn’t typed right.

It was Proposal Day.

We knew Dusty was going to propose to Kellie.  We just didn’t know how.

So, we got the recap from them, when we all met up in our seats.

Dusty chose to do it privately, first thing in the morning, in the bedroom.  The quote above?  Is what The Chica thought he wanted, when he woke her up that morning.

Again, it’s the little moments like that, that I’ll miss.

4. The Actual First “Date”.

Winter Blues 2009.  Me and The Ex, The Champ and The Chica, on our first “official” dates with each other.

It was one helluva fun night.  Turned into a fun morning.  And ultimately turned into one helluva fun friendship.

3. The “Official” First Date.

Was the night of the OU / Florida National Title Game, in January 2009.  The Ex and The Chica came over, had a fun first night on “The Couch”, and truly, this night, was the launch of the friendship of a lifetime. 

(You’re damned right I bet The Ex … and lost.  Seriously, Bob Stoops, can you win just ONE more game with everything on the line?  It’s only been fourteen freaking years since Josh Heupel justified your employment at OU, and earned you millions upon millions of dollars with his miraculous 55-14 rout of Texas that made your only national championship possible.  Let’s work on that sir.  (Cue my brother and his father-in-law nodding vociferously, at this subsection of the post.)

2. The Last New Year’s Eve, Of Life As It Was.

This would be New Year’s Eve 2011, and in many regards, the SS Family was already taking on more water than the SS Poseidon as the Reverend Scott led the survivors up the Christmas tree.

But for one last night, this friendship worked. 

The evening was spent at Dustin and Kellie’s, enjoying a healthy helping of alcohol, enjoying whatever awesome stuff they cooked up, enjoying a medicinally legal product, and for one of the last times, simply enjoying each other. 

Hell, the evening was so pleasant, I didn’t even mind Josh being there.  And that’s saying something, considering less than a week later, I let The Ex know what we all thought of him, and probably forever, and (probably) forever (stewie griffin voice) roo-eened that relationship.

This night?  Was also the last time Dustin or Kellie, has invited me to be in their presence, just because.  We’ll get into the “Lies of Lews” in one of the next two posts … but yeah, you go nearly three years without a single invitation to spend time with you “just because you can”, yet you claim this wasn’t personal, this was only about a bowling league team, and that I just need to acknowledge that and move on?

(seventh day adventist voice comment on bevo's "contribution" to this site) Fertilizer!

Also from the “I don’t believe in coincidence” department: care to guess whose final New Year’s Eve, was the 2011 edition?

Again – I do NOT believe in coincidence.

1. (Random Narrator Voice) “So Two Guys Walk Into a Bowling Alley …”

Every great thing has to have a birthing point, a beginning.  The Family’s was Wednesday, October 1, 2008, when we all met for the first time.


There are three posts left to, uuh, post.

The three remaining, are my defense, accountability, answer, and explanation, for why I handled things as I did in dealing with Dusty, Kellie, and Katie ... and why I look on what we have become, with utter and total disgust, regret, embarrassment, and contempt.

The question everyone reading this who knows us should be asking ... is why don't the three of them -- two of them especially -- feel the same utter and total disgust, regret, embarrassment, and contempt, over what we all caused, this "friendship" to become ...

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