"Hello.
Let
me introduce you to
The
characters in the show.
One
says yes, one says no.
Decide.
Which
voice in your head
You
can keep alive!
Even
in madness?
I
know you still believe!
Paint
me on canvas, so I become?
What
you could never be!
I
dare you to tell me to walk through fire!
Wear
my soul and call me a liar!
I
dare you to tell me to walk through fire!
I
dare you to tell me;
I
dare you to! ..."
--
"I Dare You" by Shinedown. (Pause). Just listen to the link. You'll be properly prepared for Saturday, if you do ...
--------------------
I
posted the recap of the trip to Houston last night. You can read it by clicking here, if you are
so inclined.
I
noted in that recap that there were at least two stories I left on the cutting
room floor. (Hey, you type up 22 pages
in Word and try to edit yourself. It
ain't as easy as you would think it would be ...)
Here's
those two stories, as well as my thoughts regarding Saturday.
--------------------
So,
Saturday after the game, we all headed back to the room I was staying in,
consumed a good chunk of the eleven bottles of champagne, and decided to head
out and find a sports bar somewhere to watch the Steelers / Bengals game.
Since
I have no clue where anything in Houston other than Willie G's and NRG Park
are, we asked our front desk dude what he would recommend. He suggested we try the Buffalo Wild Wings
about ten minutes away, up by Rice University.
That seemed like a reasonable proposition -- I mean, what goes better
with football than wings and beer?
So
we arrive, and find one of the last parking spots available, and head in. Where we are met by some chick running the
seating chart, who informs us it will be an hour wait before we can be seated. I take a quick look around the non-bar area,
and notice immediately that there are at least 10 empty tables. I also quickly notice that the only people
who seem to have to wait to be seated, are wearing Red and Gold.
Following
these observations, I decide to take this chick on.
(stevo)
what the hell do you mean, an hour wait?
Why can't we sit there (pointing to empty tables)?
(chick)
well, we are short staffed tonight.
(stevo)
short staffed? On a Saturday night? During a playoffs weekend when the home team
is playing?
(chick)
sir, you're just going to have to wait.
(stevo)
No, you're going to have to seat us.
This
went on for a couple minutes, before finally, Mona took things into her own
hands.
She
headed to the bar area, saw a table that would easily sit six (since there were
six of us there), and decided that's where we'd watch the game.
The
waitress chick was p*ssed. Especially
when every other Chiefs fan on the "waiting list" did the same thing,
and converged on the bar.
The
funniest part? They really were
ridiculously short staffed. So short
staffed ... that b*tchy chick at the seating chart desk, was waiting tables
when we left.
And
speaking of leaving ...
--------------------
We
checked out of the hotel and departed for the Metroplex about 10am on
Sunday.
It
took about ten minutes to begin navigating our way to I-45 for the drive
back. And on a map, it's an easy trip:
610 East to 288 North to 45 North, then zip across (pick one) the Jim Wright,
the Landry, or Airport Freeway, to get back to John O's in Saginaw. And for those ten minutes, everything went
according to plan.
Then
bam! As soon as you hit I-10 just north
of downtown, I-45 was at a complete standstill.
At 10:15 on a Sunday morning, all six lanes of traffic are parked. Every on-ramp from 10 and 288 was at a halt
as well. So Russ made the decision to
cut across four lanes of traffic, hop onto I-10 West, and then we'd catch 610
North and hopefully avoid the backup.
Only,
the off-ramp to 610 North was closed. So
we had to come up with a new way to get back to the Metroplex.
Cue
the weekend's MVP, Google Maps.
Using
that app, I managed to manuever us from the western suburbs of Houston, to
beautiful (and I use that term as loosely and liberally as possible), beautiful
Waco, Texas, in a little under three hours.
Did we violate Texas Department of Transportation laws by failing to pay
the toll when we headed north on 99?
Absolutely. Did we violate many,
many speed limits in an effort to get the hell out of A&M Land as fast as
humanly possible? (sarah palin voice)
You betcha! Did we purchase Powerball
tickets so that if we won, we'd have to go back to the warmth and sun of the
Lone Star State? Hell yes we did.
Also,
when we stopped for gas just outside of College Station, the gas station had a
gigantic sale going on their remaining bottles of wine. We got two bottles of 14 Hands red, a bottle
of Cupcake, and a bottle of reisling for barely $18.00. To put that bargain into perspective for
those of you who don't enjoy a good glass of wine: the bottle of Cupcake by
itself usually retails for between $15-$18 here in KC. And as someone who'd probably marry the 14
Hands merlot if, you know, marriage equality for liquor bottles was legal, I
can tell you, that stuff ain't cheap either.
--------------------
The
Watch Party Plans:
We'll
be at Russ and Mona's. The game will be
on both upstairs (for those who prefer a more secluded viewing) as well as
downstairs (for those who like to mix in a lil' pool and/or darts with their
football). There will be plenty of beer
and wine and champagne available; I'd also wager there will be a decent amount
of whiskey and vodka as well.
The
menu is Patriot Melts and Brady Brats. (Which I'm guessing means the grill got moved
from the West Wing onto the back patio ... because it's gonna be too freaking
cold outside to have to walk that far to grill said Brady Brats.)
As
always, anyone and everyone is more than welcome to join us *. Pretty much all of my tailgating group will
be there, save for the Springfield folks.
If
you need a place to watch the game, you now have one.
--------------------
(*:
unless you are cheering for satan's squad.
I am done with anyone who roots for those people. You show up in those people's colors, your
ass is getting shown the door. And
there's a decent chance said ass is going to have my footprints all over it, as
it is being shown said door.)
--------------------
The
Chiefs Thoughts:
As
a wise man once noted: "to be the best?
(Woo!) You gotta beat the
best!"
Saturday,
at 3:30pm CT, the Kansas City Chiefs get their crack at the best.
To
me, this game comes down to six key questions.
1.
The health of "Puff Puff Pass Rush".
Both Justin Houston and Tamba Hali are playing hurt (and in Mr.
Houston's case, it's obvious). The
Chiefs have to get after Thomas Brady early, and they have to keep pounding him
all game long. I am very confident that
the interior trio of Jaye Howard, Allen Bailey, and Dontari Poe will collapse
the pocket -- just like they did last week.
The key will be, can Houston and Hali (and Dee Ford) finish the job the
line starts? They did last week,
pounding Brian Hoyer all afternoon long, forcing him into six turnovers by the
time the day was done.
Thomas
Brady is not going to commit six turnovers on Saturday. Brian Hoyer, he is not. But the Chiefs pounded him early and often in
last year's matchup, and by the second half, the mistakes started occurring,
culminating with Husain Abdullah's Pick Six.
The Chiefs have to replicate last year's defensive performance against
the Patriots, and replicate last week's defensive performance against the
Texans, to win this game.
2.
The emotional maturity of Travis Kelce.
Look it, I love the dude. But he
has made some dumb, bone-headed mistakes over the last couple years, one of
which (at Cardinals last season) not only cost the Chiefs the game, it cost
them a playoff berth. (He also all but
eliminated all hope of a comeback against those people last year, and was worse
than God awful in Cincinnati earlier this season.)
Travis
Kelce needs to play mistake-free football on Saturday. Especially since he'll be the primary target
of Alex Smith's passes for most of the afternoon.
3.
The weather. The forecast calls for a
100% chance of rain, with a high barely reaching 40 (and plunging fast once the
sun goes down) on Saturday in Foxboro.
Remember how I have said many, many times before that "there is no
such thing as coincidence"? The
Chiefs have played two games in this exact type of conditions in the last six
weeks -- and won them both (Bills, Chargers).
The sloppier the weather, the better it favors the Chiefs. They've not only practiced for craptacular
conditions like this? They've played
games that count in them. This could be
the little thing that puts the Chiefs over the top.
4.
The run / pass ratio. The good folks at
Arrowhead Pride harp on this weekly in their feature where they grade
"Fat" Andy's performance. Anything
worse than a 60/40 pass / run mix gets a F, no questions asked. Last week, the ratio flipped -- the Chiefs
ran the ball 56% of the time (usually the figure winds up in the 55/45 pass/run
range). If the Chiefs are able to flip
the ratio again on Saturday? They will
win this game. And they will win it
convincingly.
5.
The offensive line. The single biggest
key to flipping the ratio. If the line
plays like it did in Houston last week, the Chiefs should win. They were opening up solid holes in a damned
good Texans front wall last week, and Alex Smith wasn't under constant duress
and pressure. In addition, and I harped
on this in the recap on Thursday, Eric Fisher looks like he's finally arrived. He had a nasty streak to him last week. I thought the cheap shot to knock JJ Watt out
of the game was brilliant. That's what I
want in an offensive lineman, especially one protecting Sir Alex's blindside --
a willingness to throw down if needed.
That nasty attitude needs to show up again on Saturday.
6.
The kicking game.
If
it is indeed a 100% rain game Saturday, Cairo Santos (affectionately known on
this site, and in Section 132, rows 25 and 26, as “Pedro”!) has to come
through.
He’s
rarely if ever been challenged by what he will face Saturday.
I
guess I’m in the minority … in thinking he’s more than up to facing it.
--------------------
The
Chiefs Prognostication:
I
want to flash back to the GameDay recap to essentially open the 2013 season, after the Chiefs beat the Cowboys 17-16:
It
rings as true today, as it did then.
If not even truer.
"Even in madness?
I know you still believe!
Paint me on canvas,
So I become?
What you can never be!"
I believe in this team. I believe in this team. Once more -- I believe in this team.
* Chiefs (+5) 27, at Patriots 20. Score picked via the Bill Maas "If We Show Up With Our Helmets On, We Win" game in 1991 credentials.
I believe in this team.
I dare you to defy me ...
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