2l2c league: week thirteen playoff outlook

"Last Christmas?
I gave you my heart.
The very next day?
You gave it away.

This year?
To save me some tears?
I'll give it to someone
Special ..."

-- "Last Christmas" by Wham!.

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Week Thirteen promises to be something ... hang on, let's do this right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner.  Hef?

(hef voice) Thanks Stevo!  People?  This is going to be something ... REALLY special!

Thanks Hef!

The final week of the regular season has arrived for the 2L2C League ... and only one seed is clinched -- the three seed.  No matter what, the JYD Huskerbugeaters cannot be any seed other than the three seed.

But while the seeding is still very much up for grabs, only one playoff berth is ... and God bless it, it's a de facto playoff game for the six seed this week.

Here then is where we stand, on the precipice of the postseason.

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1. The De Facto Playoff Game.

* Patrick is Mahomes (6-6-0) at team tito (6-6-0).

This is as simple -- and as great -- as it gets.

This weekend, at Deportation Field at ICE Stadium, the winner is in, the loser is out. 

(In the unlikely event of a tie, Patrick is Mahomes would hold tiebreaker via head to head record, as they won the first matchup earlier this season, and advance to the postseason.)

Four weeks ago, this game having any significance for any reason save for seeding seemed ridiculous.  But with tito winning five of six, and Mahomes dropping three of four, here we are.

Considering the line on this puppy is only two points, we could be in for some stressful naughty word filled fun football viewing on Sunday and Monday!  (Neither squad has participating players tonight.)

A. Key Team for Each Squad.

* tito: Kansas City Chiefs.  tito needs a huge day out of Kareem Hunt, and there's no reason the Chiefs D can't pile up the sacks and turnovers against a god awful raiders squad.

* Mahomes: Indianapolis Colts.  If Andrew Luck (at Jaguars) throws up his usual stats the last two months (300 plus yards, 3 plus TDs), tito is in a world of trouble.

B. Monday Night Madness.

* tito: Zach Ertz, TE, Eagles.  Ertz literally saved tito's season with his performance against the Cowboys in prime time two weeks ago.  Can he do it again inside Fake RFK Monday Night?

* Mahomes: Josh Adams, RB, Eagles.  Or will the Eagles opt to ground and pound against a desperate Redskins team, to keep its' injury-riddled defense off the field?  To think Doug Pederson's playcalling may decide this matchup just makes it even more awesome.

C. Potential Last Minute Changes.

* tito: only DeAndre Hopkins (vs Browns) is listed as questionable.  He is expected to start in what could turn into one fun noon game (Browns at Texans) before it's all said and done.

* Mahomes: Matt Brieda (at Seahawks), AJ Green (vs those people), and Gus Edwards (at Atlanta) are all listed as questionable.  All three are expected to start.

D. The Prediction.

In the end, I think the lack of production from the player I expected to be my most consistent contributor is going to bite me in the proverbial ass.  I've closed 5-1 despite getting next to nothing out of Matt Stafford.  Last week it didn't matter; I had severe bye issues.  (Half my lineup is Chiefs and Rams players).  This week it does.  And "The Overrated One" has to face a Rams defense coming off a bye, potentially getting Aqib Talib back to boot.

tito will fight ... and go down fighting.

* Patrick is Mahomes (-2.2) 108, team tito 103.

2. The Fight For the One Seed.

* Banana Hammocks (7-5-0) at Salty Bananas (10-2-0).
* GO BIG RED (10-2-0) at Orinoco Flow N My Pantalones (7-5-0).

All four of these squads are locked into playoff berths.  Both BIG RED and the Bananas have clinched their respective divisions and will enjoy a bye in the first round * .  But that doesn't mean The Chip Trough and The ConDome won't be rocking this weekend.

The Bananas take the top seed with:
        * W vs Hammocks, or
        * BIG RED L vs Pantalones, or
        * T vs Hammocks and BIG RED L or T vs Pantalones.

BIG RED takes the top seed with:
        * W vs Pantalones and Bananas L or T vs Hammocks, or
        * T vs Pantalones and Bananas L vs Hammocks.

Prediction: I think BIG RED wins big ... but come on folks.  We all know what you're here for, what you want to know. 

Which banana's latex outer shell holds up best at the ConDome this weekend?

For that one, I'll take the home team. 

If only because it will make section four so, so much more interesting to figure out.

Top Seed: Salty Bananas.
Second Seed: GO BIG RED.

(*: I have long argued that the top two seed (who earned their byes) should be allowed to pick which week's FFL scores they get to use in Week Fifteen -- that week, or the prior week's when they were on a bye.  This is a rule change I hope gets approved this offseason.  Given that it hasn't been in twenty one years, I'm not holding my breath.)

3. The Lock.

JYD's Huskerbugeaters are locked into the three seed.  They can't climb due to (a) trailing GO BIG RED by two games with one to go, and they can't fall due to owning tiebreaker over everyone at 7-5. 

The Huskerbugeaters own tiebreaker over the Banana Hammocks due to a head to head victory in their only matchup, and they own tiebreaker over the Pantalones due to superior division record.(6-3 vs 4-5) that, again, they own due to being two up with one to play.

The defending champs are exactly where they want to be ...

4. The Clusterf*ck.

While the top two seeds are down to two teams, and the three seed is locked in, the last three seeds in the playoffs are a complete clusterf*ck.  Exactly as it should be.

Entering the final week, the four teams jockeying for these three seeds sit:

4. Orinoco Flow N My Pantalones (7-5-0).
        * The Pantalones owns tiebreaker over the Hammocks due to head to head win.

5. Banana Hammocks (7-5-0).
        * The Hammocks are fifth due to superior record over teams below them.

6. Patrick is Mahomes (6-6-0).
        * The Mahomes own tiebreaker over tito due to head to head win.

7. team tito (6-6-0).
        * The titos are seventh due to superior record over teams below them.

As noted above, either Mahomes or tito is going to the postseason, and Pantalones and Hammocks are already there.  But what seed will they go as?  This is where it gets entertaining.  Let's examine the scenarios, shall we?

A. As I Predicted Above.

In this scenario, there's a three way tie at 7-6 with Pantalones, Hammocks, and Mahomes.  Should that occur, your seeds would be:

4. Mahomes.  Eliminate within the division first (Mahomes would top Pantalones via divisional record), then apply head to head win over Hammocks to emerge on top.

5. Pantalones.  Holds head to head win over Hammocks.

6. Hammocks.  They're still in!

B. What if tito Wins Instead.

Again, a three way tie at 7-6, just with team tito instead of Patrick is Mahomes.  Should this occur, your seeds would be:

4. tito.  Yes folks, there is a very plausible scenario to team tito landing the four seed.  First, eliminate within the division, where I hold tiebreaker over Pantalones via head to head sweep.  Since Hammocks and tito did not play this year, we apply record against common opponents, which tito wins 5-4 vs 4-5 due to the Week Thirteen results.  (We're both currently 4-4 in common opponents entering this week).

5. Pantalones.  Holds head to head win over Hammocks.

6. Hammocks.  They're still in!

C. Upsets Galore.

In this scenario, Hammocks upset the Bananas, Pantalones upset BIG RED, and tito upsets Mahomes.  In this scenario, your seeds would be:

4. Pantalones.  Holds head to head win over Hammocks.

5. Hammocks.  Would have better record than tito.

6. tito.  They're still in!

D. Hybrid One.

In this scenario, Pantalones upset BIG RED, but Team Salty beats the Hammocks.  Then your seeds are:

4. Pantalones.  Stands alone at 8-5-0.

5. Winner of Mahomes / tito.  Both would hold tiebreaker over Hammocks - Mahomes via head to head win, tito via common opponents.

6. Hammocks.  They're still in!

E. Hybrid Two.

In this scenario, the Hammocks upset Team Salty, but BIG RED takes care of business against the Pantalones.  Which would mean this seeding scenario:

4. Hammocks.  Stands alone at 8-5-0.

5. Winner of Mahomes / tito.  Both would hold tiebreakers over Pantalones -- Mahomes via divisional record, tito via head to head sweep.

6. Pantalones.  They're still in!

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No matter what happens this week, this has been one fun season.  From established dominance on Day One (Salty Bananas 0.4 points away from opening 6-0), to late surges (tito going from 1-5 to 6-6 via a five game winning streak), to shocking incompetence (former champion B*tch Kitties having two four game losing streaks; usual playoff team Jasson's Occiffers opening 0-4, then sinking to 1-9), one thing you can't deny: when our league turned 21, as it did this season?

It got through at least fifteen of the shots, before falling backwards off the bar stool.

Also, since I won't get the Week Thirteen picks done before kickoff tonight, I'll take * Saints (-7 1/2) 34, at Cowboys 20.  (jimmy buffett voice) Come Monday, boys and girls?  We should have a magnificent 6-6-0 three way clusterf*ck atop the NFC East.  Just like the AFC West at this point last year, when the Chiefs, Chargers, and raiders were all 6-6-0 with four to play.  That doesn't suck.  That doesn't suck at all ...

week 12 non turkey day picks

Season to Date SU (Including Thursday): 96-66-2.

Season to Date ATS (Including Thursday): 77-79-8.

Season to Date Upset / Week (Including Thursday): 2-9-0 SU; 5-5-1 ATS.

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The Week 12 Picks.

* at Bills (+3) 17, Jaguars 13.  "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.

* at Ravens 24, raiders (+10 1/2) 17.  "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.

* 49ers (+2 1/2) 31, at Bucs 28 (OT).  "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.

* at Eagles (-5) 34, Giants 10.

* Browns (+2 1/2) 38, at Bengals 20.  "Designing Women Game O' The Week" honors.

* Patriots 28, at Jets (+10) 24.

* Seahawks (+3 1/2) 31, at Panthers 24.

* at "Super" Chargers (-13) 41, "Super" Cardinals 13.  Oh sweet Jesus.  For the first time in 2018, we're here.

(gulp).

(big gulp).

(super big gulp).

"This is it.

(This is it!)

This is life, the one you get,

So go and have a ball!

This is it!

(This is it!)

Straight ahead, and rest assured,

You can't be sure at all!

So while you're here?  Enjoy the view!

Keep on doing what you do!

Just hold on tight, we'll muddle through

One day at a time!

So up on your feet!  (Up on your feet!)

Somewhere there's music playing!

Don't you worry none --

We'll just take life as it comes ...

One Day at a Time! 

(One Day at a Time!)

One Day at at Time!

(One Day at a Time!)

One Day at a Time!!!!!!!!!! ....."

(Note: I actually love the remake on Netflix.  I just despise the original, previously designated as the worst television show of all time by, well, me.)

* Dolphins (+7 1/2) 28, at Colts 20.

* at those people (+3) 31, Steelers 30.

* at Vikings (-3) 41, Packers 30.

* at Texans (-6) 54, Titans 13.

the turkey day picks

Just to get on the record. 

Rest of Week 12 picks (and other regular column things) coming by early morning Sunday.

* at Lions (+3 1/2) 31, Bears 24.  Don't count the Lions out yet.  Next week (vs Rams) is their toughest game left.  Their last four after that: at "Super" Cardinals / vs Bills / vs Vikings / at Packers.  And we have seen them rally from 3-6 to a wild card berth before (1995). 

* at Cowboys 24, Redskins (+7 1/2) 21.  Way closer than you think it will be.

* at Saints 31, "Shane" Falcons (+13) 24.  This line is more drunk than my mom and I combined will be come kickoff.  And we started almost 90 minutes ago on the mimosas.  It is patently absurd and utterly ridiculous.  This is the "Shane" Falcons season.  They'll fight to the bitter, kitchen sink losing end.

To you and yours, all the best this turkey day. 

2l2c league: week twelve playoff outlook

"Dirty little secrets!
Dirty little lies!
We got our dirty little fingers?
In everybody's pie.

Love to cut you down to size --
We love dirty laundry!

We can do the innuendo!
We can dance and sing!
And when it's said and done?
We haven't told you a thing.

We all know that crap is king --
Give us dirty laundry!!! ..."

-- "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley.

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Hard to believe only two weeks remain in the 2L2C League regular season.

Here then are where things stand entering the home stretch:

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And your postseason scenarios for Week Twelve:

1. Brent

* Has Clinched Wild Card berth.

* Can Clinch Fambrough Division with:
        * W or T vs Chane or
        * Will L or T vs Vince.

* Can Clinch Top Seed with:
        * W vs Chane and Garrett L.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

2. Garrett

* Has Clinched Mangino Division title.

* No Clinching Scenarios in Week Twelve.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

3. Ross

* Can Clinch Wild Card berth with:
        * W over Stevo or
        * Brent, Will and Jasson W's.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

4. Will

* Can Clinch Wild Card berth with:
        * W over Vince or
        * W over Vince plus Brent and Jasson W's.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

5. Heath

* Can Clinch Wild Card berth with:
        * W over Potter or
        * Brent, Will and Jasson W's.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

6. Stevo

* Can Clinch Wild Card berth with:
        * W over Ross plus Heath W over Potter.

* No Elimination Scenarios in Week Twelve.

7. Potter

* No Clinching Scenarios in Week Twelve.

* Will Be Eliminated If:
        * L vs Heath plus Stevo W over Ross.

8. Gregg

* No Clinching Scenarios in Week Twelve.

* Will Be Eliminated If:
        * L vs Jasson or
        * Stevo and Heath W's.

9. Chane

* No Clinching Scenarios in Week Twelve.

* Will Be Eliminated If:
        * L vs Brent or
        * Stevo or Heath W.

10. Vince

* No Clinching Scenarios in Week Twelve.

* Will Be Eliminated If:
        * L vs Will or
        * Stevo and Potter W's.

11. Jasson

* Has Been Eliminated from Playoff Bracket.

12. Cooksey

* Has Been Eliminated from Playoff Bracket.

week eleven: the rivalry that never was ...

"How can we be lovers
If we can't be friends?
How can we start over
If the fighting never ends?

How can we make love
If we can't make amends?
How can we be lovers
If we can't be, can't be friends?

Look at us now --
Look at us baby.
Still trying to work it out --
Never get it right.

We must be fools --
We must be crazy!
Whoa, oh!  There's no communication!
Whoa, oh!  It's a no win situation!

How can we be lovers
If we can't be friends?
How can we start over
When the fighting never ends?

How can we make love
If we can't make amends?
How can we be lovers
If we can't be, can't be friends? ..."

-- "How Can We Be Lovers" by Michael Bolton.

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Last Week SU: 8-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 89-57-2.

Last Week ATS: 5-8-1.
Season to Date ATS: 69-71-8.

Last Week Upset / Week: yikes.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-8-0 SU / 4-5-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Jaguars (+5 1/2) over Steelers.

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The Non-Chiefs Picks.

* Packers (+2 1/2) 31, at Seahawks 24.  Mike McCarthy should have been fired the moment he opted to punt.

* Bengals (+4) 23, at Ravens 21.  Sneaky good matchup that might be an elimination game for all intents and purposes, especially if Baltimore loses.

* at Jaguars (+5 1/2) 24, Steelers 23.  The Jaguars are about to go on a 1995 Detroit Lions run to snag the six seed.  Or so says me.

* at Giants (+1) 3, Bucs 0.  "Empty Nest Game O' The Week" honors.

* Panthers (-4) 27, at Lions 20.  "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.

* at Colts (-2) 34, Titans 31 (OT).  On paper, this might be THE game, that decides the six seed in the AFC.  (The "Super" Chargers are all but a lock for the five.)  In the last two weeks, the Titans have blown out Dallas in Dallas, and blown out New England in Nashville.  If they win this game?  Well, I predicted way back when they'd be the one seed for a reason.  On the other hand, if Indy wins to get back to .500?  With that schedule left?  They might be the second team in four years to go from 1-5 to the playoffs (along with your 2015 Chiefs). 

This isn't quite "best game of the year" status worthy.  Sh*t, at best, it's the third biggest game of the week.  But this does deserve some designation to note how great this game is on paper.  So, let's go with "Lost Game O' The Week" honors.  Because I have no idea how we got here, there's possibly a polar bear involved, and a Colts / Titans matchup six weeks before the playoffs start deciding the six seed, somehow makes sense.

* Cowboys (+3) 31, at "Shane" Falcons 21.  This is a "loser retires" match the WWF used to stage so awesomely.

* at Redskins (+3) 24, Texans 17.  I ask this with all due sincerity: has any matchup of 6-3 divisional leaders ever attracted LESS attention, than this week's Texans / Skins match?  More to the point, if it's Houston at Kansas City in the Divisional Round, how terrified are you, Chiefs fans?  Because I'm scared sh*tless at that prospect.

* those people (+7) 27, at "Super" Chargers 17.  I despise those rare days I have to root for those people.  Sunday?  We all root for those people.  Because if this upset happens, the Chiefs are two clear of everyone entering Monday night, in the AFC.

* at "Super" Cardinals (-4) 16, raiders 6.  "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors ... if not o' the year.

* Eagles (+9) 34, at Saints 31 (OT).  The defending champs have their backs to the wall.  They'll find a way to somehow, some way, (rascal flatts voice) stand.  Jesus, this game is going to be great.  I love nothing more when it comes to sports (save for my side winning) than watching a proven veteran team with its' season on the line, fight with everything left in them, to save said season.

* at Bears (+3) 24, Vikings 20.  I texted my cousin Juli (she and her husband are Bears season ticket holders) about this one.  Her response: "I've waited a f*cking decade for this day!  We're gonna kick their asses!"  Nice to see everyone in my family not only knows how to employ a generous f-bomb when it's called for ... but knows professional football misery.

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.

He's being too quiet.  It's like the calm before the monsoon.  You know there's an explosion of insanity and/or indefensibility coming.  I'll just keep patiently waiting for it I guess.

The Tailgating Plans.

There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a game I will be in attendance for.  And for once, I'm glad about that.  Mexico was the game my brother and I circled earlier this year for a road trip.  It never came through.  Thankfully.  Because I don't have $1,000 to eat at this point.  #carshopping

The Watching Party Plans.

There are The Watching Party Plans.  We will be at McFadden's down in Power and Light.  We have two tables reserved, and a $200 tab to spend through.  Barring something unforeseen, I plan to duck out at halftime, as (a) I have to work Tuesday morning, and (b) I have no desire to get shot sitting at the 59th or Gregory stoplights on 71 heading home.  (I kid, I kid.  I think.)

I plan to get there a little after 5, 5:15 to get started.  Feel free to join us.  We'll probably be in the lower bar area closest to the exit out into P&L, where we were for the Browns game.

The Flashback.

Here is the recap from the 2014 Chiefs / Rams game.

Here are my thoughts from the 2006 Chiefs / Rams game.  (Warning: NSFW.)

Sadly, I have nothing from 1997, 2000, 2002, or 2010, to post as a flashback recap.

But having noted that, the cool thing to realize in this "rivalry that never was"?

The Chiefs went 6-0 against the Rams in the regular season, when they resided across the state.

Six.  And.  Oh.

Considering I do numbers for a living, I can swear to you -- that's pretty damned good.

Disreputable Mexican Food Truck Update.

We're now in what, Week Five of the water and sewer line replacement on 84th Street ... and yeah, they ain't getting this bastardo done by Christmas, let alone Thanksgiving:

(The view towards Madison, where I live.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

(The view towards Wornall is somehow worse.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again ... hit it!

"Good Times!  Anytime you need a payment!
Good Times!  Anytime you need a friend!
Good Times!  Anytime you're out from under!
Not gettin' hassled!  Not gettin' hustled!

Keepin' yo head above water!
Makin' a wave when you can!

Temporary layoffs?  Good Times!
Easy credit ripoffs?  Good Times!
Scratchin' and survivin'?  Good Times!
Hangin' in a chow line?  Good Times!

Ain't we lucky we got 'em?
(Na Na Na Na Na!) Good TImes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And you're godd*mned right, that's former Kansas City Chief John Amos, starring as family patriarch James Evans.

The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.

For the second week in a row, the Chiefs will face on of the two smartest franchises in professional sports.  Especially in the NFL.

Because just like the "Super" Cardinals in 1988, the Rams had the sense two years ago to bid goodbye to our b*tch to the east, hope of crap rap like Chingy and JKWON, home to the worst beer ever brewed anywhere (Bud Light), home to the most arrogant, stuck up fans in all of professional sports (the baseball Cardinals).

Home to the city that gave us Dred Scott, which not only pushed the timeline of the impending Civil War up by four decades, it was a ruling so hideous that the President allegedly had to bribe a judge into changing his descent, to "present" a more unified ruling to the public.  (Chief Justice Taney ruled in 1857 that not only was freed black Dred Scott not free, but also not a citizen, not eligible to become a citizen, and that in fact he retained fewer rights as a person, than a dresser did as a piece of furniture ... because that is literally was Taney ruled Scott and every black person was: a piece of furniture.  Don't tell me we're a more racist society today, than 150 years ago, Democrats running on racial issues everywhere.  It's not even close.  Nobody views you as a plush pillow the dog sleeps on anymore.)

Yes, for the second week in a row, the Chiefs play a team that fled St. Louis to play elsewhere.

And somehow, as much as I love the "aw, St. Louis got screwed, isn't this sweet!" aspect of it ... damn, I hate the loss, of a potential hated rival.

--------------------

I've long advocated the NFL should expand the schedule by one game, to seventeen, and make that seventeenth game every season, a cross-conference rivalry game.  (Which currently occur every fourth year; in the year(s) that matchup would already occur, just schedule the game against a team not on the schedule.)

Think about it.  Giants / Jets every year.  49ers / raiders.  "Super" Chargers / Rams.  Cowboys / Texans.  Dolphins / Bucs or Jags / Bucs.  those people / "Super" Cardinals.  "Shane" Falcons / Titans or Panthers / Titans.  Redskins / Ravens.  Eagles / Steelers.  Bears / Colts.

Most of these matchups already occur in the preseason every year.  I've always felt they'd be much better as a regular season game.

And man, how fun could Rams / Chiefs be these next five, six, seven years folks, if they met every regular season ... instead of just twice (Monday night and sometime in 2022) guaranteed, in a game that counts within those seven years?

Because of the Rams move, our closest NFC rival would be who, Chicago?  Minnesota?  I mean, I'm going to Chicago next year when the Chiefs play there (the Vikings and Packers come here; we go to Chicago and Detroit), and it's a fun game ... but it isn't the same as beating a cross-state rival.  Minnesota?  Been there, done that a few times ... and again, there's just no spark there, no hatred there.

Anyways, there's my $0.02 on NFL scheduling.  Not that it's worth even that.

--------------------

Now for my other rant of the week, and that is Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" desire to get a Whataburger here in Kansas City.

If you have never had Whataburger?  Count your damned blessings.  I have never understood the love for that place.  And spare me the "well, you probably only ate it once, at a sh*tty location".  I ate it many times, across many locations, in my four years living in the Metroplex.  And every single burger I ever had there was awful.  (To be fair, the chicken sandwich is passable, and they do make great milkshakes.)

I don't often disagree with Sir Patrick ... but he's dead wrong on this one.

And if you doubt me?  Those of you reading this, probably knew me twenty years ago when I moved up here to KC.  I sold you on how great Jason's Deli was.  Was I right, or was I right?  I swore to you Shiner Bock original is the best beer you'll ever have.  Was I right, or was I at least in the ballpark of right?  I swore to you Waffle House was the best place for a 3am recovery after a night at the bar.  Was I right, or was I right?

Those three staples of Texas living have made their way to KC in the 20 years since I moved back here.  I don't hear nobody complaining about them.  And with good reason -- they're all good to great.

Whataburger?  Not my cup of tea, or type of burger.

(Ditto Braum's.  I know Dairy Queen, Braum's.  You are no Dairy Queen.)

But hey.  If Whataburger wants to buy up the abandoned Church's Chicken in the Price Chopper parking lot there at 85th and Wornall?

I'd welcome them to the neighborhood.

(But you'd still go across the street to Walsh's for your burger, right?)

Hell yes I would.

--------------------

As for Monday night, I guess I'm in a small minority, in that I don't think this is going to be a replay of the Patriots Sunday nighter a month ago, where nobody could stop anybody and the last team with the ball was guaranteed to win.

I think this is gonna play out a little closer to another prime time matchup the Chiefs have already played, the game at those people.  The defenses will have a say in the outcome.

And I think the better defense, holds in the red zone, for the win as the clock runs out.

* Chiefs (+2 1/2) 31, at Rams 24.

Enjoy this one, Chiefs fans.  God knows I'm going to.

And in case I don't post again before Thursday (a highly likely outcome), Happy Turkey Day to you and yours.  I hope your holiday will be as enjoyable as mine is shaping up to be.  The "Family" Thanksgiving on Wednesday?  Check.  The family Thanksgiving on Thursday?  Check.  Bob Seger's final performance in Kansas City on Saturday?  Check.

With Friday and Sunday to sort themselves out.

(Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Of course I'm eating all the pumpkin pie!  You'd be surprised how well that goes down with a straight scotch!  #thingsyoulearnfromyourdad

2l2c league: week eleven playoff outlook

"Clock strikes upon the hour,
And the sun begins to fade.
Still enough time to figure out,
How to chase my blues away.

I've done alright up 'til now;
It's the light of day that shows me how.
And when the night falls?
My loneliness calls.

Oh!  I wanna dance with somebody!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
Yeah I wanna dance with somebody --
Somebody who loves me!

Oh!  I wanna dance with somebody!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
Yeah I wanna dance with somebody --
Somebody who loves me! ..."

-- "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston.

--------------------

I doubt I'll get a full recap of yesterday's Chiefs / Cardinals game done and/or posted probably ever, but there is one thing I wanted to note that I so dig about Chiefs games this year.

And that is our PA dude picking some random, obscure, long ago hit that everybody in the stands knows, as the sing-along song either late in the third quarter or early in the fourth quarter.

Yesterday's selection was "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston, and yeah, when 74,000 plus are singing along to a song that ... hang on, as I put it to The Crush * yesterday:

"Only in Kansas City do 70,000 plus people lose their f*cking minds to a song older than you!"

And yet, admit it -- it's one of the funnest moments of the game, every week.  I mean, it's so damned fun that even Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" joined in the fun during "Sweet Caroline" at the Bengals Sunday Night massacre.  And "Sweet Child O' Mine" during the Jags game -- that one really hit home, considering that for years (basically the entire 1990s), that was the song that played during players introductions.

There are many, many, many things to like about the 2018 Chiefs and the season they are authoring.  It's the little things though, that'll stick with you ** .  PA Dude, take a bow.  You're rocking that stadium big time, with the choices that you make.

(Although, as an aside: could you maybe not play "Hell's Bells" for every f*cking third down?  Save it for the really big ones, and especially for the fourth downs that decide games.  Feel free to use that "YEAH!" riff from "Won't Get Fooled Again", or the pounding from "We Will Rock You" to mix things up a bit.  "Hell's Bells" should be saved for the biggest moments.  Period.  Thanks in advance, your pal, Stevo.)

And now, on to the reason for this post: the 2 Legit 2 Colquitt League Playoff Outlook, with three weeks to play.

--------------------

(*: until and unless her husband demands I not refer to her as such, the name sticks.)

(**: the single biggest thing I remember about KU's Elite Eight win over Oregon in 2002 was the Pride of Kansas playing "We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore" at the final timeout before time expired.  Still never fails to move my emotions to tears.  Seven trumpet notes, never fail to set me off.  That's why I love sports so damned much -- anyone can focus on the big.  It's the little that makes all the difference.)

--------------------

Here is the handy dandy spreadsheet tracker, of where things stand, entering Week Eleven for our fantasy league.  Note up front two assumptions are being made:

1. Ross is currently down by 53 plus in his Week Ten contest, with Saquon pending.  We're penciling in that effort as a defeat.

2. Chane is currently down 33 plus in his Week Ten contest, with OBJ pending.  This is doable *** ... but we're penciling in this effort as a defeat as well.

(***: I trailed by 20 plus entering the Sunday nighter last night with only Zach Ertz remaining.  I won by seven in a game that will likely have gigantic tiebreaker ramifications in three weeks.  It currently is not only deciding the last team in the field, with three weeks to play ... but kept the Salty Bananas from clinching a playoff berth this week.)

Here then, is your spreadsheet **** :

(source: espn.com/fantasy)

--------------------

(****: those of you who know me best, know I never commit to electronics what I don't first commit to paper.  Sh*t, I still keep score of every baseball game I attend, no matter where or what it is.  

So yes ... I did this by hand, before trusting myself to let a machine do it.  I don't make $60k / year for nothing folks:

(Admit it -- you dig that I do things old school.  Like, 1960s pre-computers to figure out tiebreaker sh*t style.  Image credit: me via my iPhone 8 something.)

--------------------

If the season ended today, your playoff teams would be:

1. Salty Bananas (H2H tiebreaker over GO BIG Red).
2. GO BIG RED.
3. JYD's HuskerBugeaters
4. Patrick is Mahomes (H2H tiebreaker over Banana Hammocks)
5. Banana Hammocks
6. team tito (H2H sweep over Orinoco ... whatever the hell Potter's official name is).

But the season doesn't end three weeks early ... well, unless the players walk out on strike or something.

--------------------

Here then, are the Week Eleven Scenarios for Each Franchise:

Salty Bananas:

* Salty clinches a playoff berth 
        * with a win, or
        * with a Kitties loss.

* Salty clinches the Fambrough Division
        * with a win and a Hammocks loss.

GO BIG RED:

* BIG RED clinches a playoff berth
        * with a win, or
        * with a Kitties loss.

* BIG RED clinches the Mangino Division
        * with a win and a Huskerbugeaters loss, or
        * with a tie and a Huskerbugeaters loss.

JYD's HuskerBugeaters:

* HuskerBugeaters clinches a playoff berth
        * with a win, or
        * with a Kitties loss.

Banana Hammocks:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Hammocks in Week Eleven.

Patrick is Mahomes:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Mahomes in Week Eleven.

team tito:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the titos in Week Eleven.

Orinoco ... Whatever:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Orinoco in Week Eleven.

Angry Beavers:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Beavers in Week Eleven.

Focus and Finish:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Finish in Week Eleven.

Hard Knox:

There are no clinching or elimination scenarios for the Knox in Week Eleven.

Bitch Kitties:

* The Kitties cannot clinch anything in Week Eleven.

* The Kitties are eliminated from postseason consideration
        * with a loss.

Jasson's Occiffers:

The Occiffers have been eliminated from postseason consideration.

--------------------

And with fantasy considerations out of the way, for those of you who waded through this, six other thoughts from yesterday's Chiefs 26-14 victory over your Arizona "Super" Cardinals ...

1. I've been Twitter friends with a couple dudes from Arizona for a few years now.  Have never met either face to face, until Sunday.  He's a STM for the Cards, but has ties to KC, and, well, here we are, moments after we finally met:

(image credit: his buddy (I think) Alex, via Rob's phone.  It was Alex, or his name was Matt.  Sh*t, don't judge me people -- I called Jeff and Paula "Tony and Lisa" for four years and had no clue I was wrong.)

The one cool thing I like about Twitter, is the ability to bring together two people who never would have met in this life ... and spend an hour downing Fireball and mimosas, in the center of the country.

I'll be out there in four years dude.  Count on it.

Also, we're coming back to this, to close this post.

2. Justin Houston's INT was the biggest play of the game.  Bar none.  Completely swung the momentum.

3. I noted to open last season that "Fat" Andy Reid had restored the Chiefs beating QBs here in their first appearance.  To the tune of 3-10 when that post, uuh, posted.

Since then?

* Carson Wentz lost his first start at Arrowhead, Week Two 2017.
* Kirk Cousins lost his first start at Arrowhead, Week Four 2017.
* Jimmy Garappolo lost his first start at Arrowhead, Week Three 2018.

And now?

* Josh Rosen lost his first start at Arrowhead, Week Ten 2018.

Make that 3-14, for first timers facing "Fat" Andy at Arrowhead.

4. "The Voice of Reason" noted during tailgating that "the way (the Chiefs / JCSCA) have parking set up is the best I've ever seen it.

So go figure, they changed the configuration after the game.

At first we were irked.  You couldn't turn right out of Gate Six onto Stadium Drive, only left.

And folks?  Somehow, someway, the team and sports commission that f*cked up parking so bad panels were commissioned on how to study to make it less awful?

The Chiefs and the JCSCA NAILED the exits out of Gate Six and Seven, the best they ever have, in my lifetime.  And I've been exiting that stadium since I was at least eight years old with myself or someone else, behind the wheel.

We left our spot on the grass a little before 4pm.  It took a minute to funnel over the 435 bridge ... but I knew the back way.  I had Russ take the back way that "The Voice of Reason" and I know about (and probably a few of you as well) to bypass everything on Stadium Drive and Manchester to get north ... and we were back at the Bus Barn, taking the long Blue Ridge Drive route, at 4:23pm.

It should have taken until pushing 5pm, at least, if the old configuration out of Gates Six and Seven was in place.

Kudos Chiefs and JCSCA.  I guess winning is something we'll never get tired of in this country.

5. My favorite moment of tailgating, was the "next generation" just missing each other.

"The Voice of Reason" and his son got to The Bus a little before 9:30 if I remember right.  (And for once I should -- I was stone cold sober.  For the second home game in a row.  Go figure -- they're the only two we've had to worry about.  The lesson?  Look out December 9th; Stevo is getting lit like a Christmas tree!)

My brother and my nephew the A-Man got there literally right after Mr. Reason and Lil' G left.

I thought it was awesome that the two kids who will take over (hopefully) tailgating in OUR spot in fifteen, twenty years, know exactly what they'll be responsible for ... and seem up to the challenge.

6. "Take your gay ass to a coffee bar!"

This was shouted to my face, early in the 4th quarter Sunday, as I defended Eric Fisher's (lack of) performance to the drunken idiot behind me.

To be fair, his wife / girlfriend / friend with benefits, immediately leaned in, pulled my turtleneck (note: I'm a child of the 90s; deal with it), and apologized profusely.

And to be fair, we're reasonable friends with the couple that own those four seats behind us.  The dude with the other three of them that day was eight sheets to the wind, and as I noted to "The Voice of Reason" all those years ago when I got decked in the face in Cincinnati: "I'm not going to make a f*ck up of someone's life because he had too much to drink at a tailgate, unless I have to."

The Stevo of 2003, didn't press charges against that dude in Cincinnati.

And the Stevo of 2018, simply turned around and never looked behind him, for the rest of the game.

But what still infuriates me, is that this d*chead thinks calling people "gay" or "coffee drinkers" is an insult.

Because I'm not gay.  As multiple people from my past can confirm.

And I not only don't drink coffee (as anyone who has even the slightest knowledge of me knows) ... I don't drink caffeine, period, unless it's mixed with liquor.  And even then, I'll usually opt for Sprite (with vodka) or caffeine free Diet (with Weller).

(I gave up caffeine for Lent in 2002.  I've never gone back.)

To tell a straight dude who doesn't drink coffee to take his gay ass to a coffee bar, is the height of hilarity at this point.

I hope he's back at some point this season.

Because I'd love to just hand him a coffee, with a healthy topping of whipped cream and/or some kind of white foam, and simply say "it's on me ... I mean, it is me.  Enjoy!"

--------------------

Lastly, we had an election last week.

The only thing we need to learn from that election?

Go figure, "Saturday Night Live" gave us:



Spend five minutes watching this.

This?  Is what we are SUPPOSED to be.

This is what we WERE, prior to about early February 2016.

And it's what we NEED, to become again, as a nation, and as people.

Because God forbid -- who knew!  Who could possibly know! -- that civility, respect, and a decent ability to make fun of one's self, could save the nation, if not all of mankind ...

Oh.

And #neverforget.

#neverforget.

(Pause).

Finally -- a #never worth supporting, no matter what ...

week ten: this is our now ...

"There was a time,
I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell,
Hiding from myself ...

There was a time,
When I was so afraid.
I thought I'd reached the end,
But baby that was then --

For I am made of more?
Than my yesterdays!

This is my now!
And I am breathing in the moment!
As I look around?
I can't believe the love I see!

My fears behind me!
Gone are the shadows and doubt!
That was then --
This is my now ...

I had to decide,
Was I going to play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
To try to turn the tide,

And try to find the strength
To take that step of faith!

This is my now!
And I am breathing in the moment!
As I look around?
I can't believe the love I see!

My fears behind me!
Gone are the shadows and doubt!
That was then --
This is my now ...

I have a courage?
Like never before!
I've settled for less,
But I'm ready for more.

Ready for more ...

This is my now!
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around?
I can't believe the love I see!

My fears behind me!
Gone are the shadows and doubt!
That was then --
This is my now!!! ..."

-- "This Is My Now" by Jordin Sparks.

--------------------

Last Week SU: 6-7-0.
Season to Date SU: 81-51-2.

Last Week ATS: 5-8-0.
Season to Date ATS: 64-63-7.

Last Week Upset / Week: disaster.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-7-0 SU; 4-4-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: raiders (+10) over "Super" Chargers.

The Non-Chiefs Picks.

* at Steelers (-6 1/2) 34, Panthers 27.
* at Jets (-7) 21, Bills 6.  "ALF Game O' The Week" honors.
* "Shane" Falcons (-6) 34, at Browns 13.
* at Bengals (+5 1/2) 31, Saints 30.
* Redskins (+3) 31, at Bucs 13.
* at Titans (+6 1/2) 17, Patriots 10.
* at Colts (-3) 31, Jaguars 24.
* at Bears 20, Lions (+6 1/2) 14.
* at raiders (+10) 34, "Super" Chargers 24.
* Dolphins (+10) 31, at Packers 21.
* at Rams 34, Seahawks (+9) 27.
* Cowboys (+7 1/2) 24, at Eagles 21 (OT).
* at 49ers (-3 1/2) 31, Giants 3.  "Good Times Game O' The Week" honors.

The "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman Tweet O' The Week.

I'll give the "Konfident" and "Klassy" one a pass this week.  Let's just all hope his pants aren't (allegedly) needing to be pulled up, or he doesn't (allegedly) pass out drunk at a blackjack table at Harrah's via falling out of his high chair onto (allegedly) the casino floor, after KU stuns his Wildcats tomorrow.

The Watching Party Plans.

There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance for.

The Tailgating Plans.

The Bus departs about 6am.  If you feel like braving the cold to help us get tents set up and heaters going, it'd be appreciated.

Also, she's almost done.  The outside is painted; all that is left is to add on the new stencils on each side.  Here's how she looked downtown last Sunday:

(Classing up the joint, I say.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

My good friends Nicole and Andrew are coming down from Sioux Falls for this one.  I have no idea why.  I'm just glad to see them again before the year is over.  (Bonus appearances rule!  They'll be back for the raiders / New Year's finale.)

I also have a Twitter friend that I regularly converse with coming in (he's a Cardinals fan), and he and his crew will be tailgating with us as well.  Try to be nice to him; he's a pretty cool dude online to me, at least.

The menu Sunday is various chili's and various beers.  I know there's a white chicken chili coming, I know there's a regular chili coming ... and I'm making my version of taco soup.  You're welcome.  Also, I'll be doing jalapeno poppers as well as an appetizer.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  You're f*cking right I'm making them to ensure I stand in front of a grill all morning long!  Am I that obvious?

In addition, there will be plenty of libations, plenty of fun, and God willing, possibly the first test of the new stereo system that Jarad installed during his renovation of The Bus.  (Note: we haven't gotten to try it yet, because our new neighbors speaker system is just beyond kick ass, and they play the same sh*t we do, so we're just letting them dominate the noise at this point.)  It worked awesomely commuting to Sprint Centre and McFadden's last Sunday.  I can't wait to try it out on the sacred grass that is the knoll north of the G30 sign.

Oh, and the A-Man and his dad will be (allegedly) making an appearance.  That should be fun.

Hope to see y'all Sunday.

The Flashback.

Flash back to 2002.  To the "32 Defense".

The Chiefs entered Thanksgiving Weekend at 5-6 ... yet very much in control of their own destiny.  Their remaining schedule was vs Cards / vs Rams / at those people / vs "Super" Chargers / at raiders.

The "32 Defense" was christened as such, by (I believe, of all people) "Klassy" Kevin Keitzman, because it ranked 32nd (out of 32) in damned near every major statistical category.  Yards allowed.  Points allowed.  Turnovers forced.  Yeah, the 2002 Chiefs defense was beyond abysmal.

And yet, one person dared to defy common sense, logic, and every sense of reason known to man, by insisting literally all season that "this defense has a shutout in it!  I know it does!"

That person?

"The Voice of Reason".

Go figure -- that Thanksgiving weekend Sunday?

Chiefs 49, "Super" Cardinals 0.

Hey, it was pick that one, or the one from the previous season out in the desert ... best known for learning first hand, that turning on every faucet in the bathroom known to man, plus flushing the toilet periodically, does not drown out the sound of a couple having sex, if they're really, really, really digging each other for about ten to twelve straight minutes.  Or so I've been told.  (Note: I was not the one getting his groove on, in that Super 8 bathroom.  I know -- circle me stupified as well, Bert.  Circle me stupidied, that I was innocent for once.)

Stevo's Drink O' The Week.

So let me set the stage for this one ... and it might make some sense.

Two weeks ago, I was in San Antonio for my cousin's wedding.  It was a great time had by all.  Until we got back to the hotel.

Because I was leaving at 5:30am to make it home for kickoff against those people, for Saturday, my brother and sister-in-law let me sleep in the kids' room on the floor, for a couple hours before I had to get up and going.  So let me say this: getting a 10 year old and two 8 year olds, high on sugar, soda, and excitement, to fall asleep is like asking me to stay sober for a night.  I'll give it a try, but it ain't happening.

I finally gave up about 3:30, and called an Uber to head to the airport for the 5:30 flight home.

Go figure -- nothing is open at San Antonio International at 3:30am.

I also misread (tony dumas voice) the flight plans, as my connection went through Houston instead of Dallas.  Not a big deal; the time was still the same -- 8:37am at KCI.

I land in Houston a little after 6am, and go figure, no much is open.  I manage to get to Terminal B with a few minutes to spare to catch my puddle jumper to get to KCI ... and it's delayed.

Anyways, I finally land at KCI a little before 10am, luck into an Uber literally dropping someone off in front of me as I request one, bribe the dude with a 20 to make it to Arrowhead "as fast as f*cking possible", and he drops me off within sight of Gate 6 a little before 10:30am.

(He earned that $20.)

I wander down to The Bus, am welcomed by all, and handed a beer.  I didn't check what said beer was; it was my first drink of the day on those people day.  It could have been Bud Light for all I cared, and I'd still have chugged it in ten seconds and demanded a rematch with the next bottle.

The beer I was handed?

You guessed it -- Frank Stallone!

No, you guessed it -- Bud Light.

So that's my drink of the week, because after twenty years of protesting to the contrary, I have finally found at least -- at least! -- one EXACT SCENARIO, where I will drink Bud Light, and be happy, if not satisfied, about it.

It's a confluence of travel, I pray never happens again.

"Disreputable Mexican Food Truck" Update.

I was down in Texas two weeks ago.  My adopted home state.  I mean, I literally cried getting off the plane when landing, as this played in my iPhone head, uuh, phones.

(I defy you to not sing along.)

(Because kids singing that song?  Does that to you.)

I lived in Texas for (mike gundy voice) four! years in college.  At least 49.95% of me wishes I still lived there, but whatever.

The first day down there was owned by my brother -- both good, and, uuh, good.  He somehow badgered the rental car agency into giving us a Tahoe over a mini-van * .  His points got me onto the "exclusive" 12th Floor of the Sheraton Gunter Hotel -- where only top rewards folks are supposed to stay.

(To say nothing of the 24 hour food and beverage bar on the 2nd floor.  Yo quiero free booze!  And the breakfast bar was nothing to sneeze at either.)

We went that Thursday night to Dave and Busters at the Riverwalk Mall.  The kids had a blast ... as did the grown-ups picking up the tab.  (Seriously -- $2 Shiner draws?  That's indefensibly cheap!)

On the walk to Dave and Busters, this was the shot from about a block from our hotel, onto the Riverwalk:

(Beyond beautiful and awesome.  Image credit: me, via my iPhone 8 something.)

But it was Friday, that was so cool to me.

Those of you who know me best, know my mom and I were not exactly a functioning relationship for most of my life post high school.

Which is why this is so damned cool to me:

(I love how photographers think putting "PROOF" over the photo actually stops us cheap degenerate folks from stealing their image.  (Image credit: somebody greedier than me, at The Alamo.)

If you had told me six years ago my mom and I would snap a picture of us in front of anything, I think we'd both have laughed.

We're both smiling in the pic above, but not laughing.

It's a smile of love.  Of acceptance, tolerance, of recognizing you don't have to change who you are, to be loved on all sides.

It's an acceptance, of our now.

(Pause).

Boy, we're coming back to that theme, in the ...

The Chiefs (Probably Pointless) Pontification and Prognostication.

(*: I owe her at least four beers at last count, on bets of "what will my brother do" bets.  I'll pay up by Thanksgiving ... maybe.)

When I got off work tonight, I headed to Price Chopper to grab some dinner and a few bottles of something alcoholic in nature, intending to settle in for a typical Friday night the last month at the Casa de Stevo: eat, drink a glass or two, and pop a pill out of that "Sleep" bottle I purchased at a dispensary out in Colorado last month.

(I'm telling you -- a healthy dinner, 2-3 glasses of wine, and a pill laced with 10% weed = at barest minimum, 10 hours uninterrupted sleep.  It's a perfect end to any week.)

I got into the check out line, and I hear "Steve!  How are you!" coming from behind me.

It was a former co-worker of mine at my two previous jobs, Madeline.

For the next five, six minutes, we shot the sh*t, so to speak.  Got caught up on each other's lives, got to laugh over a few shared memories.  It's everything you'd want a random "what are the f*cking odds" encounter in a check-out line at a grocery store to be.

She offered me a lift home (it's currently 20ish and spitting snow here in Waldo); I declined the offer, partly because I live three blocks from the Price Chopper, but also because I wanted to start to brace myself for what Sunday morning is going to feel like.

But there's another reason I declined.

Sometimes?

The past, is the past?

For a reason.

--------------------

Sometimes, that reason?  Is that the past just hurts too f*cking much, to deal with.  Believe me, I know.  I'm sure everyone reading this as well, is nodding "f*ck yeah, it hurts".  At least part of the past hurts for everyone in life.

But sometimes, that reason the past hurts?

Is that the future is so damned beautiful, it's so damned amazing, it's so much better than anything in the past, that the past just has to be ignored, forgotten, or (in the best case scenario) knocked into a graveyard of forgotten memories, irregardless of how we feel about that knocking occurring.

And that, at least to me?

Is what this 2018 Chiefs season, is all about ... so far.

--------------------

Chiefs fans?  We've endured God knows how many heartbreaks, how many playoff defeats, how many blown playoff berths.  Hell, the only year we've missed the playoffs under "Fat" Andy?

We make them if we had defeated the "Super" Cardinals in the desert, in Week Fourteen 2014.  We didn't; we fell 17-14 in a game best remembered for having two touchdowns called back via penalty.

If you think about the journey to where we are today -- atop the AFC, tied with the Rams for the best record in football -- if you had said six short years ago that all this would happen in the last five years:

* five straight winning seasons
* four playoff berths
* first playoff win in a generation
* two home playoff games
* two divisional round appearances
* two straight division titles for the first time

Would you have taken it, coming off 2-14, Jovan Belcher, "Coach Baffoon", rock bottom season of 2012?

Of COURSE you'd have taken it.

And yet, admit it -- this season feels far, far different than those previous five do, right?

--------------------

This is our now, Chiefs fans.

And it's time to embrace the moment.

I picked Jordin Sparks for the theme for three reasons, none of which may make sense to you, but they do to me, so ... in the words of someone from my past I pray I never encounter again, (dusty voice) Deal With It!

Those reasons are ...

1. She's one of my three favorite "American Idol" contestants ever * .
2. She's from Arizona.  And
3. She did the National Anthem at the most painful defeat of the "Fat" Andy Reid era *** .

Sunday?  We undo the shame of (3), at least.

--------------------

(*: my top three are Blake Lewis, Jordin Sparks, and (flip a coin) Daughtry or Kelly Clarkson ** .  Crystal Bowersox rounds out my top five.  Also, Jordin's best performance was her most forgotten one: "Woman in Love" by Barbra Streisand.  She was 17 when she did this ... and godd*mned right, she nailed it to (reggie jackson voice) second f*cking base, pitch issues excepted.  Jesus, this song is so good ... and yes, I am straight.)

(**: gun to my head, this is "Idol"'s finest hour.  Jesus, this one gets to me.  It's that, or this.)

(***: if (when?) we host those bastardos again, it'd better be this chica doing The Anthem.)

--------------------

I hope to see everyone reading this on Sunday.  You know where I'll be.  And we'll all be there for the same reason.

Because this?

Is our now.

This isn't the best Chiefs team we've ever seen ... but as my dad would note (after 35 years in the trenches at a government job): "it's close enough for government work".

Let's do this.

* at Chiefs (-16 1/2) 56, "Super" Cardinals 13.

Setting up the biggest regular season game the Chiefs have played in twenty five years, in terms of hype.

And go figure -- Steve Young will be a part of it, next week ...

vote 2018: stevo's ballot

"Don't want to wait 'til tomorrow.
Why put it off another day?
One more walk through our problems;
They build up, and stand in our way.

One step ahead, one step behind.
Now you gotta run to get even.
Make future plans, don't dream about yesterday?
Hey!  Come on turn, turn this thing around!

Right now!
Hey -- it's your tomorrow!
Right now!
Come on -- it's everything!

Right now!
Catch a magic moment!
Do it, right here and now --
It means everything! ..."

-- "Right Now" by Van Halen.

--------------------

One thing I meant to note from my weekend in Texas, was how awesome the "Lyin" Ted Cruz and "Bozo" O'Rourke attack ads were.  But none -- bar none! -- was better than this one from "Lyin" Ted:



--------------------

As always, I publish what my vote will look like when I cast it tomorrow.  I get that some people treasure the sanctity of the voting booth; if that is you, wonderful.  Me?  I'm fine enough with every vote I cast, that I'll allow you all to judge me on it.

And as always, if my ballot inspires you to vote in a similar fashion?  Spectacular.  If it motivates you to vote the opposite down the card?  Awesome.  Just do your duty and vote tomorrow.  Because in my (rarely) humble opinion?  You forfeit any and all right to b*tch about anything political or governmental in nature, if you don't vote yourself.

Here then is how I intend to vote tomorrow, based on the sample ballot obtained at Voter Outreach Missouri.

* US Senate: Josh Hawley (R).

(Cue "the voice of reason" keeling over with a stroke.  Ditto "bts" and possibly "jasson".  And definitely my mom.  Definitely my mom.)

As noted back in 2012, and back in 2016, I don't vote straight party ticket ... and I tend to vote to re-elect competent legislators who get the job done, irregardless of party.  (With one exception, of course; we'll get to him shortly.)  What is the biggest criticism you can level against Senator McCaskill that has merit since her last election in 2012?  That she didn't vote to appoint Justices Gorsuch or Kavanaugh?  Both were approved without needing her vote. 

She got the Bond Bridge funds approved, and anyone who has used it has to credit her for it.  (Dear God, how did the old Missouri River bridge last as long as it did?)  She has consistently voted for any military measure, is endorsed by the Border Patrol (for you hard core anti-immigration folks reading this), and is rated at exactly 50% for her voting in the Senate between Republican and Democrat legislation (which honestly, if anything, is a negative to me; I'd expect it to be closer to 70/30 Democrat given she's, you know, a Democrat).

And yet ...

Isn't that the criticism against her too?  The best thing she's done for KCMO in twelve years is a bridge?  She went against her state in opposing both of Mr. Trump's Supreme Court nominees?  She voted against the Trump tax cuts that have undeniably turned the economy around.  She also has insanely and indefensibly the last few days fully embraced the President on his plans for the border.

I'd rather a candidate go down in flames fighting for what they believe in, than caving at the last second on those alleged core values to eek out an election that strips them of all credibility, dignity, and integrity.

(I'm a Moynihan Democrat, what can I say.  Also, the words "credibility, dignity, and integrity" rarely if ever apply, to how I live my life.)

Which is why ... I'm doing what as recently as two days ago, I didn't see coming, Tuesday morning.

I'm voting for change.

I'm voting for Josh Hawley.

Not because I think he's the better candidate -- he's not.  But because I'm tired of politicians who are in it solely for them.  Whatever I may think of Mr. Hawley, noone -- not even me -- can deny he will vote with the will of the Missouri voter.  No Democrat has carried Missouri since Bill Clinton in 1996.  Only Barack Obama has come within 2 percent of carrying Missouri in the last 20 years (in 2008; Mr. McCain won by (if I remember right) less than 10,000 votes).  Mr. Trump won by ten plus percent two years ago.  Ms. McCaskill voted against every major initiative the President launched, as well as nearly every appointment he submitted, including both Supreme Court nominees.

If you can't vote with the people who elected you?

Prepare to get rejected by those people, the next chance they get.

Which is tomorrow.

* State Treasurer: Nicole Galloway (D).

Normally this is where I'd joke "you'd have to be a brain dead idiot to give a Democrat the bank book" ... but sweet Jesus, when your options are to give a Democrat the PIN code ... or elect an even shakier version of me to control the purse strings, you gotta chance handing out the PIN code.  You HAVE to.

Saundra McDowell, in a sane world, wouldn't receive 100 votes.  Her wages are being garnished folks, and she wants control of the state treasury?  Not even I'm that f*cking stupid, or arrogant, to ask for that kind of trust in you.

And last time I checked?  It's been a solid fifteen years since the words "wage garnishment" were a part of my life.

Although given this is Missouri we're talking about, she'll probably win.

* US Representative: Jacob Turk (R).

Here's the exception to the "re-elect a competent legislator" rule for me.  "Carwash" Cleaver will NEVER receive my vote, for anything.  He is a disgrace to the faith (he somehow is a minister!  Are you sh*tting me!  Some religions really will ordain a corpse!), he's beyond a disgrace to his district, and if he actually practiced the values he preaches at us, he'd resign his seat and (old school front porch rug voice) go away.

He was stupid enough to tell NASCAR to "go away" twenty years ago.  (KCK is still laughing its' collective ass off over that one.)  He was stupid enough to invest millions of dollars in a decrepit car wash, then dumped that decrepit car wash and its' debts onto us taxpayers via bankruptcy.  He's never met a racism charge he can't conjure up.  (Again, so much for practicing that faith, Reverend.)  In short, he's a sh*t stain on this community that needs to be sent packing.

(stevo sighing in disgust).

Cleaver's winning 65-35.

* State House District 25: Greg Razer (D).

Running unopposed. 

* County Executive: Nathan Kline (Green).

His opponent is Frank White.  Who will probably be fighting yet another foreclosure on his home that somehow gets a sleazy, shady, possibly criminal in nature last minute reprieve on Election Day.  How many are we up to now, three?  (mike gundy voice) Four?

Mr. White will win easily.  It just sucks that in a county that boasts over half a million residents, the Republican Party could not come up with even one candidate, to run against him.  I guess running Jacob Turk for what, the ninth time against "Sleazy" Manny Cleaver, was the best they could do in ANY race?

* County Legislature At Large (District 1): Jalen Anderson (D).

Running unopposed.

* County Legislature At Large (District 2): Crystal Williams (D).

Running unopposed.

* County Legislature At Large (District 3): Tony Miller (D).

Running unopposed.

* County Legislature At Large (District 4): Daniel Tarwater III (D).

Running unopposed.

* County Sheriff: Darryl Forte (D).

He did a solid job as KCMO Chief; I'm fairly confident he can't do worse, than the outgoing Jackson County Sheriff.

* Missouri Supreme Court: vote RETAIN on Judge W. Brent Powell and Mary Rhodes Russell.

* Missouri Appeals Court: vote RETAIN on Judge Edward R. Ardini Jr.

* Missouri 16th Judicial Court: vote RETAIN on (hang on, a healthy list coming here folks) Judge Justine E. Del Moro (Division 4); Judge James F. Kanatzar (Division 5) * ; Judge George E. Wolf (Division 11); Judge Charles H. McKenzie (Division 13); Judge Jalilah Otto (Division 15); Judge Marco A. Roldan (Division 16); Judge Jack Grate (Division 17); Judge Mark Anthony Styles Jr. (Division 19); Judge Richard T. Standridge (Division 25); Judge Gregory Burdett Gillis (Division 27); Judge Twila Kay Rigby (Division 30); Judge Mary Francis Weir (Division 31); Judge Jeffrey L. Bushur (Division 33); Judge Susan Long (Division 34).

Unless I have a specific encounter with a judge that goes against me, I always vote retain.

(*: Judge Kanatzar handled my unfortunate DUI incident sixteen years ago.  I had then (and now) zero complaints about his handling of my case.  It's a shame first time non-injurious DUI's aren't handled today, like they were in 2002.)

Constitutional Amendment One: vote NO.

Complain all you want about money in politics, I'd rather it be out in the open, than behind the scenes.  Also, since when is trying to buy a victory a bad thing? 

And as for gerrymandering?  Come on.  There's only two places that occurs in this fine state, and everyone knows no matter how you draw the district lines in KC or The Lou, it's still gonna favor the incumbent Democrat.

Constitutional Amendment Two: vote YES.

There are three marijuana initiatives on the ballot this year.  Two of them are getting my vote.  Amendment Two is the most important, as it ensures no matter what, medicinal marijuana is legalized.  It's a start.

Constitutional Amendment Three: vote NO.

A fifteen percent tax on medicinal marijuana sales is indefensible.  (Recreational taxed at that rate is a different story, but we're still at least two years away from that debate in this fine state.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well of course that means at least 5-6 more trips to Colorado in the next 24 months!)

Proposition C: vote YES.

The problem with Prop C is that the ultra conservative Missouri Legislature can overturn it in the next session.  Prop C is basically Amendment Two except with a smaller tax rate (2% vs 4%).  And again, even if Prop C passes, the Legislature can overturn it.  They can't overturn a Constitutional Amendment.  Which is why Amendment Two is the most important ... but Prop C is a crucial backup in case Amendment Two fails.

Constitutional Amendment Four: vote YES.

It involves loosening gambling regulations.  That's all you need to know.  Plus, reading the language, it's opening the back door for legalized sports gambling, in case the Legislature refuses to move forward on the issue.  That's good enough for me.

Proposition B: vote NO.

This is the gradual minimum wage increase prop.  Folks, at the risk of being brutally honest and cruel, ask yourselves this: when is the last time you walked into a McDonalds, into a Wendy's, into a Taco Bell, and actually saw someone do a job worth paying them $15 / hour to do?

Furthermore, do people who support this not understand basic economics?  (Again, at the risk of being brutally honest and cruel -- they probably don't.)  The pay increase in their salary is coming from somewhere.  That somewhere is you, and me, and every customer of their business.

Just once, I wish that instead of offering a failed idea like the minimum wage increase, I wish instead on the ballot we'd vote to somehow offer tuition to various local colleges, or at least a tuition offset, for these hard-working people trapped in jobs that offer unlivable wages.  A true hand up, rather than another redistribution of money that in the end, solves nothing. 

(Stevo stepping off the soapbox now.)

Proposition D: (reluctantly) vote YES.

I wish we'd put toll roads on the ballot; they're the most sensible, sane, and appropriate way to finance road construction.  Given that is a non-starter in Missouri, I guess a 2.5 cent / gallon gas tax is a reasonable alternative. 

I suppose this is where I could point out that contrary to what most right-wing idealogues would have you believe, not all taxes are unnecessary, evil, wasteful, or an affront to mankind, but you can't reason with people that don't have any reason.  And if you honestly think your roads just magically appear by virtue of what, the concrete fairy, instead of tax dollars and/or toll dollars?  Then you need to obtain some reason.

(Stevo stepping off the soapbox now.)

Question One: (very reluctantly) vote YES.

I despise term limits, which Question One would impose.  However, all the other good in this question -- not the least of which is taking the drastic step of insisting our legislators and county officials must (a) live in the damned county and (b) be current with their fiduciary obligations -- swing me to yes.

Question Two: vote YES.

Question Two imposes Question One on the county executive.  Seems reasonable to me.

Also, the hilarity of Frank White being forcibly removed from office by Question Two, even after winning a landslide re-election, is f*cking hysterical to me. 

Question Three: vote YES.

Question Three imposes Question One on the county sheriff, save for it grants for three four year terms in office instead of just two.  More importantly, it moves control of the Jackson County penal system from the county executive to the county sheriff. 

Who do you trust running our jail more: a proven law enforcement official ... or Frank White (who currently oversees its' operation)? 

Yeah.  Me too.

Question Four: vote YES.

Question Four imposes Question One on the county prosecutor, and more importantly, moves control of the COMBAT tax funds from the county executive to the county prosecutor.

Again, who do you trust to oversee millions in tax revenue whose collection is to attempt to reduce crime and drug abuse: a proven law person ... or Frank White (who currently oversees its' operation)?

Yeah.  Me too.

Question Five: vote YES.

Would allow the county legislature to remove the county attorney if the attorney goes counter to the legislature.  Seems reasonable.  Also raises the question of how the hell it is 2018, and this isn't already on the books as law.

Question Six: vote NO.

Would require three years experience to be allowed to join the county judiciary.  Stupid idea.

Question Seven: vote NO.

Would deny any person currently serving in a county position from running for any other level of elected office.  This is beyond stupid. 

Library Question: vote YES.

I freely admit, I don't utilize the public library system all that often.  But I did growing up (as I suspect many of you reading this, did, pre-internet days).  And in this internet era, in a county where about half of all households do not have computers or Wi-Fi, the library is vital to our kids' intellectual development and growth.  A community is only as strong as its' weakest contributor.  This is the rare tax that there's no credible reason to oppose. 

And I believe that's it.  Forty two votes to cast tomorrow, if I read the ballot right.  (I know it's a full front and back page, and nearly sprawled onto a third.)

I'm blessed enough in that I work for a company giving us the option to come in three hours late, or leave three hours early, without having to make up the time, to vote tomorrow.  I'll be voting in early afternoon at my polling site.

However you vote, just vote.  You won't regret it.

week nine: the freshman ...

Last Week SU: 10-4-0.
Season to Date SU: 75-44-2.

Last Week ATS: 7-6-1.
Season to Date ATS: 59-55-7.

Last Week Upset / Week: at least it covered.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-6-0 SU; 4-3-1 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Seahawks (-1) over "Super" Chargers.

The Non-Chiefs Picks:

* at 49ers (-3) 21, raiders 17.
* at Vikings 24, Lions (-5 1/2) 21.
* at Ravens (-2) 27, Steelers 14.
* at Panthers (-6 1/2) 34, Bucs 20.
* at Dolphins (-3) 31, Jets 13.
* at Redskins (-2) 27, "Shane" Falcons 20.
* Bears (-10) 31, at Bills 10.
* at those people (-1) 24, Texans 20.
* at Seahawks (-1) 31, "Super" Chargers 13.
* Rams (-2) 45, at Saints 24.
* Packers (+5) 40, at Patriots 34.
* at Cowboys (-4) 27, Titans 17.

The Chiefs Pick:

This seems too easy.  But sometimes, it really is.

* Chiefs (-8) 45, at Browns 17.