If you haven't taken the "Ultimate Steve Quiz", please, choose the link on the right before reading this, make your picks, then see your answers. Otherwise, I might have to employ my mid-season Arrowhead voice and drop a "Cheaters! Cheaters!" blast on you ... especially because I think the answers provide a lot more insight into who I am, and why I am, than the actual quiz does ...
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Question 1: the answer is "c" summer. Really, if you miss this question, don't even bother to keep going. I love summer. Hot, sunny, humid. Spending Sundays at the K tailgating, tossing washers, enjoying baseball. Or floating in the pool. And knowing that once its over, the team I love takes the field again for (at least) 16 out of 17 weekends! I Freaking Love Summer! (Not the exotic entertainer that I graduated high school with, but the season. Just clarifying).
Question 2: the answer is "a" Shinnecock Hills. My favorite golf tournament is the US Open. Shinnecock is just about the fairest Open course in the rotation.
Question 3: the answer is "c" NBA. I thought this one would be pretty obvious. I've been to see the Chiefs, Rangers, and Stars in the postseason. The Mavs were horrendous when I lived down there.
Question 4: the answer is "b" Taco Bueno. I love the logo, I loved the commercials back in the day, and I love that they're finally up here in KC.
Question 5: the answer is "c" Ed Hearn. I will recap this story now, since I've been asked about it.
Summer 1995. I'm working the grill up at McDonalds one afternoon, wearing my Mets hat instead of the standard issue company logo hat. Because our manager Lori was cool like that. Anyways, this tito walks in, sees my hat, and asks me to come out and talk to him. I figure why not. So I approach and he holds out his hand, and he's got a 1986 World Series ring on his finger. I was somewhat impressed. He wasn't Strawberry, but still, the 86 Mets are my favorite MLB team ever. After some small talk, he then goes "so do you know anything about a guy named Ed Hearn?" I reply, verbatim, "yeah, he's the son of a bitch we traded David Cone for". After a brief pause from shock, he sticks out his hand and goes "Ed Hearn, nice to meet you".
Some have argued this was my finest hour. I don't share that sentiment, but I'll say it ranks in the top 5 Steve moments. I might have to post those sometime.
Question 6: the answer is "d" Shiner Bock. Man I love that stuff. Nothing hits the spot on a warm summer evening out on the deck like a frosty cold Shiner or two and a Macanudo Maduro. Not that I'll be doing exactly that a mere 20 some odd days from now, when Speaker Pelosi drops the gavel to begin the lunacy that is the DNC 2008 ... and yes, I will be live blogging the DNC. At least one night. I owe you at least that.
Question 7: the answer is "b" NYPD Blue. I never got into the "West Wing" until the last couple years, once Jimmy Smits and Mary McCormack came on board. I liked the "Sopranos" but never as much as the old roommate did. And I loved the "Practice" but there was a solid year, year and a half stretch where it was utterly unwatchable.
Question 8: the answer is "a" Derrick Thomas. I thought for sure that my love of Christian Okoye ... the framed hanging photo of his spot in the Ring of Honor, the old school jersey in the closet, the fact my fantasy team used to be the Swanson Hungry Men in his honor, that it would throw people off. It didn't.
Question 9: the answer is "d" John Kerry. I voted for Clinton in 1996, Gore in 2000, and Bush in 2004. As for 2008, I am undecided but leaning McCain. My vote will come down to probably the veep nominees, and whether the Hillary backers can somehow, someway, save my party from the 45 states and the District landslide we're headed for with Obama on the ticket ...
Question 10: the answer is "d" Chiefs at Cowboys. At Cincinnati, I was decked by a drunk Bengals fan. At Minnesota, my Santa hat was defiled and my head was played like a bongo by drunk Vikings fans. And the Jets game, irate Jets fans dumped beer on me for celebrating the season opening TD drive.
Although, at Dallas, I was the one to do the razzing. Tracey made up a huge "I'm really a Chiefs fan!" in the shape of an arrowhead sign to hang on Russ, who is a huge Cowboys fan, former season ticket holder when he lived there as well. It fell on me to "hang" it on him. So we slapped a bunch of tape on that bad boy, and I came up to him, and slapped him across the back a couple times to fix that thing on, and he had no clue. The walk in was absolutely hysterical, he's high fiving Cowboys fans and rooting them on ... while wearing a "I'm really a Chiefs fan" arrowhead. He didn't discover it until he was in the pisser in the 2nd quarter and saw himself in the mirror. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!
Question 11: the answer is "d" Greedy. I can't explain it, mainly because the middle 20 minutes of this film are utterly unwatchable ... but the first 50 minutes and the last 25 are just pure comedic gold.
Question 12: the answer is "a" EJ Holib. I was reaching for a 20th question, I'll be honest.
Question 13: the answer is "c" a 250 lb plus chick. She was in my room 3 months earlier. Although thankfully, she was on the floor. Only God knows how the bed would have held.
Since I was asked how this "amazing night" occurred ... basically my old roommate's sister had a friend in college who was an "exotic entertainer", and she had some, uuh, interesting friends. They were up to visit for the weekend, because apartment 280 in the 'Woods always bought for minors. Well that, and it was me and Gregg, you don't get more desperate than we were back in the day.
Anyways, one drink led to another, and me and the stripper headed off to my room for the night. About 10 minutes later the cripple walks in on us as things are just getting, uuh, interesting, because apparently the stripper and her had an "understanding". But -- but! -- I swear on everything I consider to be holy, I did not notice the chick with the 'stache was in there until I woke up in the morning and realized I was pretty much spooning with her. I, uuh ... yeah, I challenge anyone to top that moment on the "oh my effing god, how drunk was I when I did that!!! o-meter ..."
And to complete the story ... yes - the chick with the moooose-tache's nickname was "Ratty". Jesus, I am shocked, absolutely shocked, that I am disease free.
Although ... I don't know ... there are times I miss the 'Woods. The "she had two choices!" night. "Why?" Not sure any email has ever had me laugh more than that one. Moving on ...
Question 14: I answered "d", the fred biletnikof meltdown. It was the most shocking thing I think I've ever seen at the players entrance. Other than Donnie Edwards giving Gregg a "Christmas gift" of game used gloves. I'm shocked GG never did a Willie "Mays" Hayes and nailed those bad boys up above the fireplace ...
Question 15: This question probably should have just been labeled "think like Steve" ... because I accepted two answers on this question, since honestly, my answer changes depending on my mood. And had anyone who replied answered "c", I probably would have accepted 3 answers. The rationale:
answer "b" Innocent, is the "most correct" answer. I have loved that song from the moment I first heard it, driving back from a family reunion in Dallas in the summer of 2002. It is the song I listen to as I walk into Arrowhead, to get me in the proper mood. (Because as Kellen Winslow would note, I'm a mother freaking soldier!) Its an upbeat, uplifting, rock out song of the greatest kind. And I'll freely admit, when David Cook covered it on Idol, everyone watching with me that night (Dusty, "former girlfriend", "former roommate") were like "I've never heard of this" ... and I'm just standing up, nodding head in rhythm, singing and clapping along to every word. Sometimes I'm ahead of the cool curve, I guess.
answer "a" Second Place Victory, is also a correct answer, because when I'm down and / or depressed, which to be fair is far more often than is healthy, this usually rises to the top of my favorites list. The words are just incredible. Absolutely unbelievable. Possibly, other than "Life is a Song" by Patrick Park, my favorite lyrics to a song ever written. Maybe because I hope to someday find someone who means so much to me, that this song would apply in my life. There's something to be said for "settling" for happy instead of "holding out" for perfect.
The other song I also would have accepted was "c" Perfect Memory. This was my good buddy James' favorite song. Another song that the lyrics just totally overwhelm you. Especially considering how things ended with him. Question 17's answer kind of goes into that. But sometime, fire up YouTube, check out Perfect Memory by Remy Zero, and just listen to the lyrics. Very, uuh, cryptic. And yet, at the same time, very personal. Man, I'm turning into Heath here, screw the melody its the words that matter ...
(the remaining choice, "d" Work, is a great song ... but its only in 4th. Not a correct answer. Not by a long shot.)
Question 16: the answer is "c" Vanover's punt return. All you had to do was read my top 10 Chiefs game post to know that. I have never cried like I did after that return. Not even Vanover himself shed as many tears as I did. Although thankfully, I wasn't stuck in a sobriety checkpoint after the game where an a-hole cop asked "had anything to drink tonight? Dr. Pepper hopefully? ha ha ha!" at 2:30 in the morning.
Question 17: the answer is "b" Projekt Revolution. I debated whether or not to even post this question, and even more specifically, debated whether to actually explain the reason for my answer, because the (virtual) last week of August 2004 is arguably the single most depressing week of my life. Its that, or the first full week of October 2004.
Thinking of this concert just dredges up a lot of those memories. Only, they aren't all negative. Rather than create a separate post like I thought about doing, I'll just recap the high and low lights as I remember them. If my memory is off, feel free to remind me of what reality was ...
* Friday morning, August 20 2004. I wake up, and as I'm getting ready for work, the lead news item is a one car crash overnight on 435 heading down the hill towards Quivira that killed someone. I think "yikes, that sucks". And move on with life. It is a short Friday, after all. And not just that, its ...
* Fantasy football draft for my work league that afternoon! I leave my phone in the car so I can focus. When I leave the draft, I notice I have 6 messages and 11 missed calls. I get maybe 11 calls in a week, let alone in 3 hours. The first message is my folks "please call us". My initial thought is "oh sh*t, its dad". Second voice mail is my brother, "call me as soon as you get this". Again, "oh sh*t, its dad". Third voice mail is an old buddy of mine, Jason Sheahan. "Steve, I got your number from your mom and I don't know how to say this ..." A really good friend of mine from growing up, James, had passed away.
He was the driver in the one car crash on the news that morning.
The weekend was both up and down. My brother proposed to his wife that Friday night, as he'd been planning to do. That was an upper. Sunday, I go to the ballgame with a couple friends, then head to the pool for the first time in a while. Both were abject downers. James and I always went to Sunday day games in our early drinkin' years. Always. It wasn't even a question of going, it was a question of who was driving, and how soon we started tailgating. Man I miss that sometimes. I don't have anybody as willing to go to a day game as that guy was.
Sunday night was James's wake. Abject depression. I'm driving home from said depressing event, and Nancy calls me to discuss getting the ticket for the next night's game against the Rams from her because they weren't going. She tries to describe how bad things were with Randy, but it still didn't really register, I was still somewhat in shock at seeing someone I grew up with, someone I worked with, someone I'd toked a few up with, someone I'd been passed out in left field GA with many a time, lying in a casket at the age of 24. (Worse yet ... he died on his 24th birthday).
Monday was James' funeral. Second most depressing thing I've ever been to in my life. I had a major project to finish at work that morning, so I got up at 5 to head in. My boss at the time got there about the same time as me, around 6, and sees me in a black shirt, tie and slacks (definitely not typical Steve attire) and kind of panics in a "oh sh*t, he's had enough of Mary, he's interviewing" kind of way. I was like, I can top that on the "oh sh*t" scale buddy.
After the funeral, that night was the Chiefs preseason home opener against the Rams. It was a miserable day, it rained, it was cold, brutal conditions. Plus nobody showed up.
The next day, August 24th, was Projekt Revolution, the day I'd been looking forward to all summer. I'd initially bought the 6 tickets for a group of us to go ... only 3 had backed out as the summer went along. I was fine with eating the cost, because I just needed a day of release. (Although Dusty saved my ass on that one by finding 3 replacements who actually paid face. Yay Dusty!)
I took the day off. I needed it. After an early afternoon of Dusty kicking my ass at Madden while Gregg (smartly) took a nap, me, Dusty and Gregg headed out about 2:30 to enjoy the day. I mean, it was hot, humid, sunny, my perfect kind of day.
Only, when we pulled in ... no tailgating in the Sandstone lots. WTF? So, the resourceful one among us (and that's obviously Gregg ...) came up with the inspired idea of "hey, there's a park across the street!" So we spent a solid 2-3 hours drinking and, uuh, "enjoying" the afternoon away in a freaking park.
Once the second band was done, I thought it was time to head in for the main events. As usual, I was premature. After suffering through Less Than Jake ... and enjoying a couple frosty cold Budweisers ... Snoop Dogg took the stage.
I remember this for three reasons. (1) The huge, and I mean hu-yuge, chick in front of us wearing a halter top and shorts ... and her beanpole companion wearing a Favre jersey. She easily was 3x the size of him. In a halter top. No wonder I came emotionally unglued. (2) the dude behind us who overdosed on 'shrooms and puked on Jon and his kid. Nothing says "yup, I'm at a concert rookie" like puking on one too many 'shrooms. But (3) you just can't top Snoop riding around the stage on a tricycle, huge marijuana leaf hanging, belting the opening lines to "Gin and Juice". Good stuff.
After Snoop's set, I set off for the bathroom, because I'm not feeling too hot. I head for the stall section, find a spot ... and 25 minutes later I emerge. Only about 2 of those minutes were spent doing anything other than taking stock of life and crying. Even Gregg, who's more used to typical Steve moments than anyone, even he was like "where the hell you been man?" How do you explain you just had an emotional breakdown in a bathroom? (The answer: you don't). I blamed it on something I ate, started drinkin' again, and then Korn took the stage. Incredible. Linkin Park followed. Even better.
Greatest concert I've ever been to, for so many reasons. Not the least of which, was the next morning, as I stumble out of bed, kick Priest out the door so I can get ready, and as I am staggering to the bathroom completely in a "how the hell am I making it to work" state of mind ... I nearly trip over a couple cds laying by my door.
Gregg had downloaded all kinds of Snoop, Korn, and LP music and burned it overnight. That guy listens to nothing but talk radio and country. And yet, he loved the show so much (apparently) that he spent a solid couple hours scouring the 'net, downloading what we'd heard, and making copies for both me, and to give to Dusty.
The week got worse from there, as my grandma took her final turns for the worse, and of course, anyone at the Browns tailgate knows how bad that was, and the tragedy that was to come. But for one day at least ... all was good in my world. Even if the world around me was collapsing for the worse.
That's why Project Revolution is the correct answer. Sometimes, we all need an escape. And for one magical night, that was my escape. I hope the concert on August 13th with LP is every bit the escape from reality that the one four years ago was ...
Back to the answers:
Question 18: the correct answer is (b). To me its simple, if you oppose the death penalty, it has to be because of one of two reasons, either (a) you don't believe mankind should play God and decide who lives and dies (my rationale), or (b) you oppose violence against mankind of any kind. No matter which rationale you choose, doesn't the same apply to an unborn kid?
(steve shaking his head realizing he can never run for public office now)
(everyone else clapping hands in joy that steve can never run for public office now)
Question 19: the answer is "c" Tara.
I am not wasting any more time on this. Until she's gone, tailgating will never be the same. She has basically squatted at mid-tailgate, smirked at her audacity, and taken a gigantic defecation on everything Lot N at the crosswalk used to stand for. Until she's gone, there's no reason to head back up there, save for a "Restore the Tradition" day. And even then, she'd better not show.
Question 20: the answer is "a" One Toke Over the Line. This is a Steve and his dad bonding song. Can't put it any more simply than that. You haven't lived until you've seen Brewer and Shipley with the old man.
Bonus: Clinton was impeached. I still think its the most ridiculous political witchhunt in American political history ... and yet, had Clinton resigned in his State of the Union speech in 1999 (as I argued he should have) ... Gore would have ascended to the Presidency, would have cruised to "election" in 2000, and would have demolished ... uuh, who? in 2004? Who the hell did the far right have to run in 2004 against a 5 1/2 year incumbent? For all the talk about how the 2000 election, none of it would be necessary to discuss had Clinton had dignity and resigned. His legacy would be preserved by 10 years of Gore. And we'd most likely have Lieberman running now for President instead of Obama. My God how one stupid decision changes everything ...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
classic: down go the donkeys! my thoughts!
sk: a couple more classics to get the mood set ... then I'll have my initial look at the 2008 season.
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I know there's a lot of things I could focus on (and don't worry, I will below), but the highlight of that game for me was after plummer's final incompletion, when Bennie Sapp taunted the donkeys. It was something ... well, it not only was awesome to see, it was something I so totally would have done in that spot. I mean, I know I love Bennie Sapp, I hype the guy like he's the greatest thing since Shiner Blonde was readily available up here. But still, it was just totally an in-your-face manuever. I loved it.
To recap: plummer throws incomplete. The crowd is going nuts. Well, ok, at least I was going nuts. It is denver, after all. And 10 of the 11 Chiefs defenders on that play either celebrate on the field, or head back to our bench. But not the brave, heroic Bennie Sapp.
My boy Bennie runs into the donkeys bench, grabs a couple of their towels, then jumps up on their bench, and leads the crowd in their cheering, waving the towels around like a Steelers fan would, while the shocked donkeys just stand around and let it happen. They let a Chief celebrate on their bench, on their sideline, what might be the end of the donkeys playoff hopes, as they just stood by and took like like the beat down b*tches they are. Just awesome, awesome stuff.
Not in our house, denver! Not in our freaking house! Not on this freaking day!
* We should know sometime today if the Ravens game gets moved to Sunday night. When I look at the schedule, there's only three viable options for December 10th: the reeling Giants at reeling Carolina; the Colts at the free-falling Jaguars, or the surging Ravens at the surging Chiefs. (denver at San Diego would have been an option, but I don't see the league allowing denver to appear in 4 straight prime time contests). I like our odds.
* Congratulations to ... well, us, for winning the Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrice Chopper Tailgaters of the Game!!! We freaking rule!!! The lovely parting gifts will be used for the Jaguars tailgate on New Years Eve.
* and what a photo it was on the Arrowvision deal at the start of the 4th quarter, nothing like 30 plus drunk people making a fool of themselves for the camera. I love tailgating ...
* and what a tailgate it was! 2 buses, 30 plus people that quickly ballooned into the 50 plus range, 4 deep fried turkeys, some deep fried chicken thingy, more side items than even Brian Waters could snarf down, lots of booze, the Cowboys game on TV, that "Kick the Ball to Hall" song going non-stop, Steve attempting to do the Electric Slide (it was brutal, just brutal, I have no coordination at all), and throw in a couple donkeys fans, meeting Joe's new boyfriend, and a marriage proposal to boot! Good grief.
Plus, and I've always said this, no matter how crazy, insane, disturbed, nuts, or otherwise unstable you think I am ... you compare me to that tailgating group, and I come out looking good. Or at least, a little more normal. Speaking of "tailgating group" and "not quite normal" ...
* Funniest moment of the day #1: Gregg's mom and sister show up about 4:30ish. Bill walks up, starts talking to them ... and immediately offers her a beer. The look on his mom's face was just priceless. You'd have thought Bill had cooties or something. I had to walk away, I was laughing so hard. If she's that repulsed by just offering a beer, no wonder she doesn't like me, I almost always have some alcoholic beverage in my hand ...
* Funniest moment of the day #2: Ben finally arrives, and the dude with him is like "is this Mona's tailgate"? Turns out, they work together. (little kids voice) Its a small world after all, its a small world after all ...
* I love the walk in for a prime time game. The night sky illuminated by the stadium lights, the fans fired up, the smoke filling the air, "In the Air Tonight" blaring over the stadium loudspeakers ... come on NBC, do the right thing. Move the Ravens game! Move the Ravens game! (Even if it will be like 2 freaking degrees outside ...)
* nice weather too. First thing I heard when I hopped on the bus, "what, no shorts?!?! Steve didn't wear shorts?!?!"
* then again, the second thing I heard was, "what, no bloody mary?!?! Steve isn't holding a bloody mary?!?!" Come on people, it was 2:50 in the afternoon. I'm on straight vodka by that point.
* ok, here's why I love Herm Edwards, and what he's managed to accomplish so far with this team. The Chiefs never led by more than 10 points, and both times the lead reached 10, denver immediately scored. So basically, it was a one possession game for 50 some odd minutes. And not once, not once, did I ever doubt what the outcome would be. Even watching the game afterwards, I never once saw anything that led me to believe denver could win. Our defense was that solid, our offense was that effective at moving the ball and bleeding the clock.
That's why I freaking hate "former Chiefs coach whose name will never appear in my commentaries again". I never once had that feeling in any game that man coached. With Herm, 16-10 is a comfortable lead. With "former coach", last year alone, we lost a game we led 17-0 and 24-6. The last time the donkeys won at Arrowhead, against "former coach", we led 34-20 with 4 minutes left. Defense matters, folks. Defense wins f*cking championships. Which is why this season has been so much fun for me at least, we finally have a head coach who freaking gets it.
* KC Wolf's sketch was actually funny this week. Sure, it opened with the traditional "donkeys fans stealing his turkey, then Wolf beating up donkeys on the field", that's nothing new. But at the end, he grabbed his two turkeys back, set them on the front of the ATV like they were a trophy, did his Hacksaw Jim Duggan flag / 2x4 wave impersonation and took off. That's humor.
* no flyover! Hooray saving taxpayer money! Maybe if they got rid of flyovers, your illustrious governor over there in Missouri could stop eliminating needed programs for the poor and less fortunate among us. Or actually pave your roads to where the 'roids don't flare up from me bouncing up and down every 2 minutes.
* the Anthem ... in a word, wretched. Look it, I get that this Jessica Harp chick is hot as hell. She hits every major benchmark to be in the Steve Drool-o-Meter rankings (which, actually, need to be updated ...): she's younger than me (which is becoming easier to be all the time ...), she's blonde, she's attractive, she's not overweight, she doesn't have kids, she has talent (aka "I don't have to be the only source of income"), and she has the little nose stud dealie that totally turns me on. But how the f*ck can you mess up not one, not two, but 3 freaking words? Especially when they're provided for you on the scoreboard and side boards? As Mona put it, "she needs cue cards". As I put it, "she f*cking sucks".
* then again, we are 2 for 2 against the donkeys when this chick sings the Anthem. I suggest we immediately move to lock her into a lifetime contract to perform for the denver game ...
* Cheerleader sketch at 2 minute warning! They held the steering wheels backwards. I know that's something only I would notice, but really, girls ... the outfits were marvelous. The dance routine was spectacular. Even the music was fitting and appropriate, making the whole scene look like something you'd see at everyone's favorite run-down shack on East 15th Street on the outskirts of Lawrence. But you gotta hold the steering wheel right to make it a truly memorable sketch girls. Detail, attention to detail, that's what gets you upgraded from The Shady Lady to Channel 595's "Stripsearch". Detail.
* Halftime! John Fogerty was pretty damned good. And the overhead shots of all the fireworks going off, awesome stuff. Plus, I love that he didn't try to cram new stuff down our throats, he just stuck with the classics.
* Halftime! Rachel made an appearance. She pulled a Joe Namath routine, trying to kiss me 4 freaking times. She only succeeded twice. I am still attempting to confirm that you can't get herpes or syphilus or God knows what else she has by a kiss on the forehead and cheek. Man, she's nasty.
* And she wouldn't leave either. I had two empties by me the whole time, and go figure, she sat down in one of them. No wonder I didn't feel good leaving the game. Thankfully, she was (and remained) fully dressed, that's never a given with her. Then she shows up at the postgame tailgate too. Good freaking God, go away already. If I didn't hit it when you showed up in the Budweiser bikini ensemble that quickly became a thong-only outfit, I sure as all hell aren't going to get it on with you when its 35 freaking degrees out, I'm sick enough that I lost my ability to breathe leaving the game, and oh yeah, I'm drunk.
Well, on second thought, I am 29 and single ... soon to be 30 and single ... nah, not even I'm that desperate. Yet anyways ...
* Speaking of postgame tailgating, we still have no idea who fat shirtless guy was that was running around.
* Funniest moment of the day #3: after Surtain's interception is called back by the illegal contact call (good call, by the way, judging by the replays), I notice the donkeys fans next to me aren't really celebrating. So I'm like "what, you aren't happy about this?" And the one guy was like "nah, I mean, its good that we kept the ball, but dammit, that just means plummer stays on the field". Your 2006 denver broncos everyone!!!
* speaking of which, if shanarat actually turns to cutler, he's an idiot. You don't bench a 7-4 quarterback coming off an AFC championship game appearance. If they go with cutler, denver won't make the playoffs.
* on second thought, go with cutler, mike!
* Gumble and Collinsworth. I have to admit, I thought Cris Collinsworth did a fine job on Thursday night. Solid color commentary. Bryant Gumble, on the other hand, made me long for Don Criqui. And I'll leave it at that.
* it was cool to see Deion Sanders back on the field at Arrowhead. The last time he was here, he grabbed his doll that KC Wolf beat up in the pregame festivities, and sat it on the bench next to him for the whole game. Funny stuff. It also was one of the greatest games in Arrowhead history, Montana vs Young, a 24-17 Chiefs victory.
* Ditto Marshall Faulk, the last time he was here, he puked his guts out on the turf en route to a 54-34 ass kicking by the Chiefs. (He didn't play in the Rams last meaningful visit, a 49-10 beating).
* And Steve Mariucci! His last time here, he lost in what was up until this year the worst defeat in 49ers history, 44-9. A defeat topped only by ... well, this year's 49ers visit to Arrowhead, a 41-0 debacle.
* I don't think Rich Eisen had ever been here before. But if he had, I'm sure his team got blown out.
* From the "deceiving advertising" department: I don't know what scares me more. The fact that Rocky 6 is less than a month away from hitting the theatres ... or the fact that, based on the previews, I actually want to see it. I'm leaning towards the latter.
* best text message received before / during / after game: from Phil, as the clock ran out: "f*ck you shanarat". I was actually speechless, I didn't know how to reply. That was my exact thought at that moment. Great minds think alike.
* Finally, since I guess I have to mention it ... congratulations Missouri, on the absolute ass kicking you delivered my Jayhawks on Saturday. You should be commended. Especially your head coach. You all must be so proud of the man. I mean, he runs up the score (twice!) like a classless jackass, then goes on national TV afterwards and, rather than congratulate his kids on a huge win, rather than put the focus where it belongs, on Chase Daniel's amazing performance, he focuses on himself, and whines about losing the week before, and misrepresents what the Big XII told him regarding said loss. That's MU athletics at its finest: whiny malcontent assholes who run up the score, then cry like little b*tches when they don't (sniff) get a call (honk) they agree with (sniff) because they ran (tears) a god awful playcall in the first play (waa! waa!). Good freaking God, grow up Gary. I'd suggest growing a pair and acting like a man, but if you don't have any balls at this point, you're never going to.
I'd also suggest, as Tuesday Morning QB always points out about classless Pitt State, what goes around, comes around, Gary. Karma is a b*tch. And I can hardly wait to see it bite you in the ass for your classless antics from Saturday.
* OK, actually, since I can't end on a "yay MU" point ... Bring on the Browns!
This game coming up scares me. Cleveland is better than their record would indicate. It'll be their 3rd straight home game, and they're 0 for the first 2. Its also a classic "trap" game for us, coming off two emotional home wins over our bitter rivals, and with looming showdowns with the Ravens and Chargers up next. We already fell into one of these at Miami. We can't afford another.
We also traditionally struggle with the Browns. A tie at Cleveland in 1989 cost us a playoff berth. A loss to Cleveland in 1994 nearly crippled our wildcard hopes. A loss to Cleveland in 1995 nearly cost us home field advantage (which, to be fair, we blew anyways once the playoffs started). And who can forget the 2002 "Thank God Dwayne Rudd is a mother f*cking idiot" helmet toss game?
If someone comes up with a good idea on where to watch our latest "biggest game of the year", let me know. I'm willing to open the house up and do the Sunday Ticket deal as well, but I do live in the middle of nowhere. Well, compared to most everyone else anyways. Plus, the game is in HD, so that'll be cool, especially if it snows. Snow in HD, I bet, looks incredible. Then again, I'm mesmerized by the blades of grass on the field in HD, so what do I know.
Anyways, what a win! And tonight, the greatest tradition in Western Shawnee returns for an 8th year, as Steve goes to the Westlake store, buys a Christmas tree, brings it inside, decorates it up ... and places the piece de resistance on top. If you can think of a better tree topper than a Chiefs helmet, well, you're smarter than me. Angel, star, baby Jesus, come on. Chiefs helmet! Chiefs helmet!
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I know there's a lot of things I could focus on (and don't worry, I will below), but the highlight of that game for me was after plummer's final incompletion, when Bennie Sapp taunted the donkeys. It was something ... well, it not only was awesome to see, it was something I so totally would have done in that spot. I mean, I know I love Bennie Sapp, I hype the guy like he's the greatest thing since Shiner Blonde was readily available up here. But still, it was just totally an in-your-face manuever. I loved it.
To recap: plummer throws incomplete. The crowd is going nuts. Well, ok, at least I was going nuts. It is denver, after all. And 10 of the 11 Chiefs defenders on that play either celebrate on the field, or head back to our bench. But not the brave, heroic Bennie Sapp.
My boy Bennie runs into the donkeys bench, grabs a couple of their towels, then jumps up on their bench, and leads the crowd in their cheering, waving the towels around like a Steelers fan would, while the shocked donkeys just stand around and let it happen. They let a Chief celebrate on their bench, on their sideline, what might be the end of the donkeys playoff hopes, as they just stood by and took like like the beat down b*tches they are. Just awesome, awesome stuff.
Not in our house, denver! Not in our freaking house! Not on this freaking day!
* We should know sometime today if the Ravens game gets moved to Sunday night. When I look at the schedule, there's only three viable options for December 10th: the reeling Giants at reeling Carolina; the Colts at the free-falling Jaguars, or the surging Ravens at the surging Chiefs. (denver at San Diego would have been an option, but I don't see the league allowing denver to appear in 4 straight prime time contests). I like our odds.
* Congratulations to ... well, us, for winning the Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrice Chopper Tailgaters of the Game!!! We freaking rule!!! The lovely parting gifts will be used for the Jaguars tailgate on New Years Eve.
* and what a photo it was on the Arrowvision deal at the start of the 4th quarter, nothing like 30 plus drunk people making a fool of themselves for the camera. I love tailgating ...
* and what a tailgate it was! 2 buses, 30 plus people that quickly ballooned into the 50 plus range, 4 deep fried turkeys, some deep fried chicken thingy, more side items than even Brian Waters could snarf down, lots of booze, the Cowboys game on TV, that "Kick the Ball to Hall" song going non-stop, Steve attempting to do the Electric Slide (it was brutal, just brutal, I have no coordination at all), and throw in a couple donkeys fans, meeting Joe's new boyfriend, and a marriage proposal to boot! Good grief.
Plus, and I've always said this, no matter how crazy, insane, disturbed, nuts, or otherwise unstable you think I am ... you compare me to that tailgating group, and I come out looking good. Or at least, a little more normal. Speaking of "tailgating group" and "not quite normal" ...
* Funniest moment of the day #1: Gregg's mom and sister show up about 4:30ish. Bill walks up, starts talking to them ... and immediately offers her a beer. The look on his mom's face was just priceless. You'd have thought Bill had cooties or something. I had to walk away, I was laughing so hard. If she's that repulsed by just offering a beer, no wonder she doesn't like me, I almost always have some alcoholic beverage in my hand ...
* Funniest moment of the day #2: Ben finally arrives, and the dude with him is like "is this Mona's tailgate"? Turns out, they work together. (little kids voice) Its a small world after all, its a small world after all ...
* I love the walk in for a prime time game. The night sky illuminated by the stadium lights, the fans fired up, the smoke filling the air, "In the Air Tonight" blaring over the stadium loudspeakers ... come on NBC, do the right thing. Move the Ravens game! Move the Ravens game! (Even if it will be like 2 freaking degrees outside ...)
* nice weather too. First thing I heard when I hopped on the bus, "what, no shorts?!?! Steve didn't wear shorts?!?!"
* then again, the second thing I heard was, "what, no bloody mary?!?! Steve isn't holding a bloody mary?!?!" Come on people, it was 2:50 in the afternoon. I'm on straight vodka by that point.
* ok, here's why I love Herm Edwards, and what he's managed to accomplish so far with this team. The Chiefs never led by more than 10 points, and both times the lead reached 10, denver immediately scored. So basically, it was a one possession game for 50 some odd minutes. And not once, not once, did I ever doubt what the outcome would be. Even watching the game afterwards, I never once saw anything that led me to believe denver could win. Our defense was that solid, our offense was that effective at moving the ball and bleeding the clock.
That's why I freaking hate "former Chiefs coach whose name will never appear in my commentaries again". I never once had that feeling in any game that man coached. With Herm, 16-10 is a comfortable lead. With "former coach", last year alone, we lost a game we led 17-0 and 24-6. The last time the donkeys won at Arrowhead, against "former coach", we led 34-20 with 4 minutes left. Defense matters, folks. Defense wins f*cking championships. Which is why this season has been so much fun for me at least, we finally have a head coach who freaking gets it.
* KC Wolf's sketch was actually funny this week. Sure, it opened with the traditional "donkeys fans stealing his turkey, then Wolf beating up donkeys on the field", that's nothing new. But at the end, he grabbed his two turkeys back, set them on the front of the ATV like they were a trophy, did his Hacksaw Jim Duggan flag / 2x4 wave impersonation and took off. That's humor.
* no flyover! Hooray saving taxpayer money! Maybe if they got rid of flyovers, your illustrious governor over there in Missouri could stop eliminating needed programs for the poor and less fortunate among us. Or actually pave your roads to where the 'roids don't flare up from me bouncing up and down every 2 minutes.
* the Anthem ... in a word, wretched. Look it, I get that this Jessica Harp chick is hot as hell. She hits every major benchmark to be in the Steve Drool-o-Meter rankings (which, actually, need to be updated ...): she's younger than me (which is becoming easier to be all the time ...), she's blonde, she's attractive, she's not overweight, she doesn't have kids, she has talent (aka "I don't have to be the only source of income"), and she has the little nose stud dealie that totally turns me on. But how the f*ck can you mess up not one, not two, but 3 freaking words? Especially when they're provided for you on the scoreboard and side boards? As Mona put it, "she needs cue cards". As I put it, "she f*cking sucks".
* then again, we are 2 for 2 against the donkeys when this chick sings the Anthem. I suggest we immediately move to lock her into a lifetime contract to perform for the denver game ...
* Cheerleader sketch at 2 minute warning! They held the steering wheels backwards. I know that's something only I would notice, but really, girls ... the outfits were marvelous. The dance routine was spectacular. Even the music was fitting and appropriate, making the whole scene look like something you'd see at everyone's favorite run-down shack on East 15th Street on the outskirts of Lawrence. But you gotta hold the steering wheel right to make it a truly memorable sketch girls. Detail, attention to detail, that's what gets you upgraded from The Shady Lady to Channel 595's "Stripsearch". Detail.
* Halftime! John Fogerty was pretty damned good. And the overhead shots of all the fireworks going off, awesome stuff. Plus, I love that he didn't try to cram new stuff down our throats, he just stuck with the classics.
* Halftime! Rachel made an appearance. She pulled a Joe Namath routine, trying to kiss me 4 freaking times. She only succeeded twice. I am still attempting to confirm that you can't get herpes or syphilus or God knows what else she has by a kiss on the forehead and cheek. Man, she's nasty.
* And she wouldn't leave either. I had two empties by me the whole time, and go figure, she sat down in one of them. No wonder I didn't feel good leaving the game. Thankfully, she was (and remained) fully dressed, that's never a given with her. Then she shows up at the postgame tailgate too. Good freaking God, go away already. If I didn't hit it when you showed up in the Budweiser bikini ensemble that quickly became a thong-only outfit, I sure as all hell aren't going to get it on with you when its 35 freaking degrees out, I'm sick enough that I lost my ability to breathe leaving the game, and oh yeah, I'm drunk.
Well, on second thought, I am 29 and single ... soon to be 30 and single ... nah, not even I'm that desperate. Yet anyways ...
* Speaking of postgame tailgating, we still have no idea who fat shirtless guy was that was running around.
* Funniest moment of the day #3: after Surtain's interception is called back by the illegal contact call (good call, by the way, judging by the replays), I notice the donkeys fans next to me aren't really celebrating. So I'm like "what, you aren't happy about this?" And the one guy was like "nah, I mean, its good that we kept the ball, but dammit, that just means plummer stays on the field". Your 2006 denver broncos everyone!!!
* speaking of which, if shanarat actually turns to cutler, he's an idiot. You don't bench a 7-4 quarterback coming off an AFC championship game appearance. If they go with cutler, denver won't make the playoffs.
* on second thought, go with cutler, mike!
* Gumble and Collinsworth. I have to admit, I thought Cris Collinsworth did a fine job on Thursday night. Solid color commentary. Bryant Gumble, on the other hand, made me long for Don Criqui. And I'll leave it at that.
* it was cool to see Deion Sanders back on the field at Arrowhead. The last time he was here, he grabbed his doll that KC Wolf beat up in the pregame festivities, and sat it on the bench next to him for the whole game. Funny stuff. It also was one of the greatest games in Arrowhead history, Montana vs Young, a 24-17 Chiefs victory.
* Ditto Marshall Faulk, the last time he was here, he puked his guts out on the turf en route to a 54-34 ass kicking by the Chiefs. (He didn't play in the Rams last meaningful visit, a 49-10 beating).
* And Steve Mariucci! His last time here, he lost in what was up until this year the worst defeat in 49ers history, 44-9. A defeat topped only by ... well, this year's 49ers visit to Arrowhead, a 41-0 debacle.
* I don't think Rich Eisen had ever been here before. But if he had, I'm sure his team got blown out.
* From the "deceiving advertising" department: I don't know what scares me more. The fact that Rocky 6 is less than a month away from hitting the theatres ... or the fact that, based on the previews, I actually want to see it. I'm leaning towards the latter.
* best text message received before / during / after game: from Phil, as the clock ran out: "f*ck you shanarat". I was actually speechless, I didn't know how to reply. That was my exact thought at that moment. Great minds think alike.
* Finally, since I guess I have to mention it ... congratulations Missouri, on the absolute ass kicking you delivered my Jayhawks on Saturday. You should be commended. Especially your head coach. You all must be so proud of the man. I mean, he runs up the score (twice!) like a classless jackass, then goes on national TV afterwards and, rather than congratulate his kids on a huge win, rather than put the focus where it belongs, on Chase Daniel's amazing performance, he focuses on himself, and whines about losing the week before, and misrepresents what the Big XII told him regarding said loss. That's MU athletics at its finest: whiny malcontent assholes who run up the score, then cry like little b*tches when they don't (sniff) get a call (honk) they agree with (sniff) because they ran (tears) a god awful playcall in the first play (waa! waa!). Good freaking God, grow up Gary. I'd suggest growing a pair and acting like a man, but if you don't have any balls at this point, you're never going to.
I'd also suggest, as Tuesday Morning QB always points out about classless Pitt State, what goes around, comes around, Gary. Karma is a b*tch. And I can hardly wait to see it bite you in the ass for your classless antics from Saturday.
* OK, actually, since I can't end on a "yay MU" point ... Bring on the Browns!
This game coming up scares me. Cleveland is better than their record would indicate. It'll be their 3rd straight home game, and they're 0 for the first 2. Its also a classic "trap" game for us, coming off two emotional home wins over our bitter rivals, and with looming showdowns with the Ravens and Chargers up next. We already fell into one of these at Miami. We can't afford another.
We also traditionally struggle with the Browns. A tie at Cleveland in 1989 cost us a playoff berth. A loss to Cleveland in 1994 nearly crippled our wildcard hopes. A loss to Cleveland in 1995 nearly cost us home field advantage (which, to be fair, we blew anyways once the playoffs started). And who can forget the 2002 "Thank God Dwayne Rudd is a mother f*cking idiot" helmet toss game?
If someone comes up with a good idea on where to watch our latest "biggest game of the year", let me know. I'm willing to open the house up and do the Sunday Ticket deal as well, but I do live in the middle of nowhere. Well, compared to most everyone else anyways. Plus, the game is in HD, so that'll be cool, especially if it snows. Snow in HD, I bet, looks incredible. Then again, I'm mesmerized by the blades of grass on the field in HD, so what do I know.
Anyways, what a win! And tonight, the greatest tradition in Western Shawnee returns for an 8th year, as Steve goes to the Westlake store, buys a Christmas tree, brings it inside, decorates it up ... and places the piece de resistance on top. If you can think of a better tree topper than a Chiefs helmet, well, you're smarter than me. Angel, star, baby Jesus, come on. Chiefs helmet! Chiefs helmet!
quiz update
Well, the 3 people I knew would take the quiz, did take it.
Gregg is your front-runner, getting 15/20 plus the bonus.
Brent is in second, getting 10/20 plus the bonus.
Heath is currently your floor-setter, getting 9/20 plus the bonus.
I will say, there's been a couple surprises so far:
* Nobody has missed question 8. I honestly thought that would be one of the toughest questions on the quiz. I'm being serious: I thought for sure that my love (and former fantasy team name) devoted to one of the players in question would throw everyone off the real answer. I was wrong, obviously.
* I am accepting two answers for question 15. One of the 4 songs is the "most correct", however, depending on what type of mood I'm in, another song on the list could be correct. So you have a 50/50 shot at getting that question right.
* Nobody has missed questions 1, 4, 5, or 6. Those four, along with question 19, were the "easy" questions on the quiz.
* Only Gregg has gotten question 11 right, which is about what I expected. I thought questions 8, 11, 12, 15, and 17 were the five "tough" questions on the quiz.
If you haven't answered yet, feel free to send me your responses. I'm still not sure what the "valuable prize" will be for the winner, but I'm sure it'll be something that more than compensates you for the 3-4 minutes it takes to submit your answers ...
Gregg is your front-runner, getting 15/20 plus the bonus.
Brent is in second, getting 10/20 plus the bonus.
Heath is currently your floor-setter, getting 9/20 plus the bonus.
I will say, there's been a couple surprises so far:
* Nobody has missed question 8. I honestly thought that would be one of the toughest questions on the quiz. I'm being serious: I thought for sure that my love (and former fantasy team name) devoted to one of the players in question would throw everyone off the real answer. I was wrong, obviously.
* I am accepting two answers for question 15. One of the 4 songs is the "most correct", however, depending on what type of mood I'm in, another song on the list could be correct. So you have a 50/50 shot at getting that question right.
* Nobody has missed questions 1, 4, 5, or 6. Those four, along with question 19, were the "easy" questions on the quiz.
* Only Gregg has gotten question 11 right, which is about what I expected. I thought questions 8, 11, 12, 15, and 17 were the five "tough" questions on the quiz.
If you haven't answered yet, feel free to send me your responses. I'm still not sure what the "valuable prize" will be for the winner, but I'm sure it'll be something that more than compensates you for the 3-4 minutes it takes to submit your answers ...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
classic: the 2007 season begins
sk: again, enjoy. If only for the "what the hell was Steve on when he thought Bill Callahan was a good coach" prediction at the end ...
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wow, this is long. Might want to print it off for the second office. Unless, of course, you've already been told you're being kicked to the curb by the folks running your company, in which case, waste company time!
I have to admit up front, I have only watched the 1st quarter of the game. When I got home last night, I was all prepared to spend 2 1/2 hours watching our "effort" at Houston ... only I couldn't bring myself to fire up the TiVo and watch the whole thing. Plus, there was a classic episode of "Good Times" on, so that kind of precluded me from watching the game too. So I don't know if the game looked as crappy on television as it did in person.
But, thankfully, the game was just about the only part of the weekend that sucked. So that's bueno. Should have the (ref voice) "indisputable visual evidence" ready tonight, I still have to download them off the camera, but man, good times had by all. Especially Sunday morning. As always, more below ...
* left Thursday after work to head down to Frisco for part one of the vacation. Got in about 2am ... and after a quick tour of Monte and Sheila's new house, hit the pool. This would be a recurring theme ...
* Friday, woke up, and after a wonderful breakfast of some sausage and egg casserole deal and Shiner Blonde, hit the pool. If there's a better way to spend a 95 degree Friday in early September than floating in a pool, drinking ridiculous amounts of Shiner products, and perfecting my jumpshot playing horse on the floating basketball goal, I haven't found it.
* the setup in their backyard ... just sick. I mean, if I could like design my dream backyard, this would pretty much be it. About 1/2 of the backyard is the in-ground pool and hot tub. Another 1/4 of it is the deck, grilling area, and walkways. The last 1/4? They're building a cabana ... and they have a built in washers pit. Are you freaking kidding me. Built in washers pit! In the back yard! How the hell can you top this? No grass to mow, complete with a pool and hot tub, grilling area, and a washers pit! I can't believe I came home ...
* Friday night, we put the grilling area to good use. We also had to make an emergency trip to the Tom Thumb for some Shiner products. The lesson, as always: you offer Steve some Shiner products, they're going to get consumed rapidly ...
* Saturday morning, I got up early, borrowed the car, and drove to my old stomping grounds. Drove over to TCU to see what that fine academic institution looks like now, checked out (barenaked ladies voice) the old apartment (which was more than 22 steps from the street ...), and just for the hell of it, went into Big Daddy's Wines and Spirits, the shadiest liquor store in Lake Arlington. (It makes the liquor store at the Apple Market on Bannister look classy, if that's any help as to how ghetto this place is). After debating getting a tattoo at the new joint next to Big Daddy's, it was back to Frisco for, you guessed it ...
* more pool time! Hopped in about 10am, and it was already 92 degrees outside. 92 degrees at 10am in September. And to think people wonder why I'm so damned determined to move back to the Metroplex ...
* took off for Houston about noon. I got to drive, which was neat ... because I finally got to drive the High Five! Its like a freaking roller coaster, its just awesome. And yes, I worry about myself, that I'm this excited about driving a freeway interchange. But man, its just an amazing architectural feat. Plus, its pretty cool to like be elevated over 100 feet over the freeway below, knowing you're about to descend that 100 feet at 70mph into traffic moving even faster.
* another reason I love Dallas: Central Expressway was backed up, for no obvious reason other than too many cars on it, at 12:45 on a Saturday afternoon. A solid 4 mile backup from University to the Thornton Freeway. I so want to move back.
* got into Houston about 4:30. (Yet another reason I love Texas: you can go 80-85mph the whole way, and you're still going to be passed by half the cars on the freeway because they're going 90). We stayed at the Hilton at Reliant Park, or literally directly across the parking lots from the stadium. Nice stuff.
* went to dinner at some seafood joint called Willie G's. Russ recommended it. I should probably point out, most joints Russ recommends, he does so for one of two reasons: (a) they're a bar with cheap booze, or (b) they're a bar with cheap booze. So we had our doubts. But, for once, he didn't pick a bar with cheap booze. This place was unbelievable. I love seafood anyways, but man, just awesome stuff. I even ate crawfish, which I swore a month or so ago that I would never do because "they smell nasty". The lesson, as always: you get enough shiraz in me, I'll try anything once.
* I woke up at 5:18am on Sunday morning. I was ready for some football. Too bad the Chiefs weren't.
* When I walked out the hotel door to start loading up the cars, about 6:15am, my glasses fogged up, it was so humid outside already. Let that one sink in: 6:15am, in September, and its already so hot outside, that going from air conditioning to natural air fogs the glass. I freaking love Texas ...
* Gates open down there at 8am. We got in line about 7:20am. And we weren't even close to being the first cars in line. This sets up the 2nd great theme of the weekend, after the "its always hot enough that the pool is an option" storyline. The tailgating.
* Met some really nice Texans fans that wound up parking behind us. These folks, well ... I don't often say this about another franchise, but man, these fans deserve a winner down there. Because ...
* I can't believe I am about to type this, but Texans tailgating is every bit as good as it is at Arrowhead, if not even better. I'm not joking. For starters, you can park wherever the hell you want inside the lot you have a pass for. No stupid security people holding tape forcing you to the front of the lot. As a result, our group of 8 people wound up becoming a group of over 40 Chiefs fans within 20 minutes of the gates opening.
* the fans there are really into their tailgating too. I walked the Blue lot (about the size and same location of Lot G, where I tailgate at Arrowhead) a little bit in search of a bathroom, and man, by 8:45, that lot was completely full front to back. Grills going, washers being tossed, footballs being thrown, beers and other adult beverages being consumed, music blaring from about 100 different stereo systems, just a great, great atmosphere.
* Texans fans could not have been nicer. More than one fan actually came up to all of us to take pictures and point out that they think its awesome that a fanbase could love its team enough to travel in the numbers that Chiefs fans do.
* the actual temperature was 91 degrees at 8am. Factor in the humidity, the ozone, and the lack of cloud cover, and it felt like 100 early on. I've always said that any day when its hot enough, that the first thing in your head that morning is "screw it, its too hot for a shirt today", that is a perfect Steve day. Sunday was just about as perfect as it gets.
* By my count, I had 8 Shiner Blonde's, 2 Diet Coke 16oz bottles half filled with whiskey, and a Bloody Mary in a can. (Awesome invention, by the way. Can't believe someone didn't think of that one sooner ...) Plus a glass of champagne for the toast to start the season. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!
* About 11am, these two really good looking female Chiefs fans come walking down our aisle. I mean, the drool coming down my chin had to be visible, they were that good looking. Or I'm that desperate. Anyways, they stop and are talking to us for a while, and then the one girl looks at me, and goes "wow, you look hot!" I was like "sweet! Who needs to exercise when girls this good looking think I'm hot!" Clearly, this was gonna be my day!
Sadly, she walked over and handed me one of those Texans power towels, and I realized she was referring to the fact that I was starting to get sunburned, and I was sweating a lot. But I won't let that stop me, I'm taking her words as a compliment. Therefore, I am no longer a 30 year old (self described) hot as hell dude. Its now official: I am hot as hell!
* Headed in about 11:20am. The security was beyond ridiculous. The Texans had called for a "white out" of the stadium (which made identifying Chiefs fans easier, since we all showed up in red). Basically, anyone in white wasn't getting patted down, while anyone in red was. It was a cheap, obvious stunt to delay us from turning the anthem and the introductions into Arrowhead South. And I commend the Texans security and front office personnel for thinking it up. Genius at work. Here's hoping Carl employs those tactics for the Raiders game ...
* page 30 of the program, there is a hysterical picture of dan reeves. I'm guessing he'd blow a .23 at the moment the picture was snapped. And I feel I'm a pretty accurate judge of people when it comes to blood alcohol content levels ... not that I'd blow a .15 at any given moment ...
* also kind of cool in the program: they have listed every single Texans draft pick, free agent signing, and player transaction in franchise history. Always kind of neat to see the big time goofs (and big time hits) by a team's front office.
* I did almost gag at the article on kyle shanahan. I know lots of people whose wives / girlfriends / friend with benefits / one night stands have perfectly healthy babies. No need to eat up 2 pages in a gameday program going into the agonizing decision kyle faced: be at practice, or be at the birth of his kid. Please. The kid has Satan's bloodline in it, you might as well stick around the training facility ... (in case you hadn't put two and two together, kyle is mike shararat's son ...)
* Reliant Stadium: the pictures can't do it justice. Television, even in HD, can't convey how amazing that facility is. I have never been to a nicer, more awe inspiring sporting arena / race track than that place. Its truly the finest sporting facility imaginable. (At least until Cowboys Park in Arlington is done in 2009).
The seating layout reminds you of American Airlines Center in Dallas, but more spacious. HD video boards on all 4 sides of the field, restrooms and beer / concession stands everywhere (at cheap prices too, only $4 for a draw). The seats were wide enough to accommodate a 300 lb person easily. And the message boards on the facades around the stadium, they close caption what the PA dude and ref was saying, so that you don't have to worry about hearing stuff. Just ... I cannot even begin to describe how nice Reliant Stadium is. Everyone involved in building that place, gets the Steve Seal of Approval. Awesome, awesome sporting complex.
Especially when compared to the decrepit dump next door known as the Astrodome ...
* I don't know of anyone who was even remotely surprised that Justin Medlock missed badly on his first kick. I know I wasn't.
* I saw nothing, at any point in time, to convince me that Mike Solari knows what he's doing. Case in point, the opening drive of the 2nd half. (To be fair, I have yet to rewatch this sequence, but still, like that's stopped me before).
We all know the Chiefs played horribly in the first half. Yet its still a manageable 10-0 game. My boy Benny Sapp takes the kickoff, runs it out to near midfield (if I remember right, he got it to our 46 yard line). Chiefs are in business. After a LJ run and an incompletion, its 3rd and 7. You simply CANNOT waste this field position. What does Solari call? A quick 3 step drop dumpoff to Kris Wilson at the line of scrimmage.
(steve sighing in disgust) Look it, I didn't think it was a fumble, because Wilson didn't make a football move, and you can even argue he never had possession. So the pass should have been ruled an incompletion, and we should have punted, down 10-0, instead of receiving a kickoff down 17-0. But that's not the point here. The point is, why in the hell are we calling dumpoffs on 3rd and 7 at midfield, down by 10? Are you kidding me? Samie Parker was actually catching the ball, you mean we don't have an 8 yard out pattern for that guy? We don't have a 9 yard pitch and catch to Gonzalez? What in the hell was Mike Solari thinking there?
And that's not the only questionable play call on Sunday. Its bad enough we have to overcome an offensive line that can't pass protect, and wide receivers who are 50/50 to make the catch on a good day. But asking Damon Huard to overcome those obstacles, plus a freaking retard doing the play calling? Its not possible. Its simply not possible.
And yes, the "Mike Must Go!" request is up in huge letters on my dry erase board here at work, and the "Can So-Lar-I" chant me and Monte had going in the 4th quarter on Sunday is in print on the dry erase board on the fridge at home. I'm telling you, I'm more obsessed at this point with seeing Solari fired than with seeing Bush impeached. And I never thought that would be bumped out of the top spot on the Wish-o-Meter ...
* Herm's clock management at the end of the first half was inexcusable. Chiefs sack Schaub on 1st and 10 at the Texans 15 with 1:46 to play, with 2 timeouts left. Sets up 2nd and 21 at their own 4. No timeout is called. In section 115, a (no longer self described!!!) hot as hell 30 year old is screaming for a time out. None comes. 2nd down, the Texans (correctly) run it up the middle. Gain of 2. Its now 3rd and 19 at their own 6, :57 seconds remaining. In section 115, that (its official now!!!!) hot as hell 30 year old continues to scream for a time out, and finally with :51 seconds left, a TO is called.
I am fully aware that, given how the sequence played out, we ultimately lost only about 5 seconds. (And it didn't matter anyways, since Huard got picked on our ensuing drive). But, why not call time out after first down? What if we'd forced a turnover there? What if on 3rd down the Texans had aired it out, under the Steve theory that "a 40 yard INT on 3rd and long is no worse than a punt on 4th and long"? Say Schaub airs it out, and its picked at midfield. Instead of having the ball at midfield (with no TOs) and 1:40 remaining, we'd have the ball at midfield with 1 TO and :40 remaining. Which scenario is better? I'd rather have the time than the TO in that spot. Herm, buddy, you gotta improve in this area. For all my b*tching about "former head coach", at least he had the common sense to employ Mike White, who might have been a god awful coach, but was damned good at replays and clock management. Maybe Herm should give Mike a call and see what he's up to ...
* the "Steve almost comes unglued" Moment of the Game: late 4th quarter, Chiefs down 20-3, we have 4th and 6 at midfield. Huard is running the no-huddle, and its a completion (I think it was to LJ) that sets up the 4th down play. On the Chiefs sideline, a group of about 4 special teamers, including P Dusty Colquitt, begin to jog onto the field. Thankfully, they didn't get too far. But, to even contemplate punting down 17 late in a game, is absolutely ridiculous. And if Dusty had taken the snap there, well, I would have snapped.
* the Texans cheerleaders. Good God. I thought I was watching a special group dance performance on Stripsearch on channel 595. All that was messing was the hairy dude in the helmet cam. Holy crap, they have some hot, hot cheerleaders who have no problems with showing off their, uuh, assets.
* the Texans do that annoying "first down!" chant too.
* their fans did like the "cheater! cheater!" chant. I feel like I accomplished something, I had a few of their fans around me yelling it at many of our goofs.
* they also have the lamest fight song I've ever heard. They had some 88 year old dude trying to conduct the Bullpen Band, and yeah, it just wasn't working. There's only one pep band, and only one 80 plus director of said band, worth listening to in the NFL. And it ain't the Bullpen Band.
* I was not hit by a Texans fan, punched by a Texans fan, slapped by a Texans fan, or in any way, shape, or form physically assaulted by a Texans fan. So that puts Texans fans ahead of Bengals fans. Nice ...
* After the game (I was the only one in our group who stayed to the bitter end), the walk to the car began. Go figure, it was raining. Well, it was like a misting kind of rain falling, for about 5 minutes, because then the sun came back out and it was even hotter out than before. Man I love Texas. I want to move back!
Anyways, after enduring your typical taunts and putdowns, I make it back to the car, and these Texans fans who had tailgated across the aisle from us (fun people) come up, and this one guy who I'd made a bet with was like "ok, time to pay up". Our bet was, if the Chiefs won, he had to wear a Chiefs t-shirt for the postgame tailgate, and if the Texans won, I had to wear a Texans one. Kind of like one of those soccer jersey exchanges, I guess. So I put it on, let him take his pics, then took it back off, because it was just too freaking hot out. But anyways, he then goes "so, how does it feel". And I was like "huh?" And he goes "how does it feel, to lose to the worst team in football?"
Let that one sink in. We lost to a team described by their own die hard fans as "the worst team in football". Your 2007 Kansas City Chiefs!
* If we lose Sunday, and its probably a safe bet that we will, I say that unless it is a perfect weather day, there will be at least 15,000 no shows at the home opener. If we get blown out Sunday, that number might hit 20,000.
* the drive home Monday sucked. It rained the whole way back. Plus, coming back here meant I had to leave Texas. (steve fighting back tears ...) On the bright side, since next year is the last year for Texas Stadium, we all agreed we gotta make one last journey into that place, for either the Redskins or the 49ers next year. So, at least I'm guaranteed a return trip next fall.
* finally, a fearless early prediction for this weekend: Nebraska 24, USC 20. Bill Callahan knows what he's doing. He's been gearing to this game, this moment, for 2 years now. Saturday night, Nebraska returns to its place among football's royalty, and jumps head first into legitimate national championship conversation ...
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wow, this is long. Might want to print it off for the second office. Unless, of course, you've already been told you're being kicked to the curb by the folks running your company, in which case, waste company time!
I have to admit up front, I have only watched the 1st quarter of the game. When I got home last night, I was all prepared to spend 2 1/2 hours watching our "effort" at Houston ... only I couldn't bring myself to fire up the TiVo and watch the whole thing. Plus, there was a classic episode of "Good Times" on, so that kind of precluded me from watching the game too. So I don't know if the game looked as crappy on television as it did in person.
But, thankfully, the game was just about the only part of the weekend that sucked. So that's bueno. Should have the (ref voice) "indisputable visual evidence" ready tonight, I still have to download them off the camera, but man, good times had by all. Especially Sunday morning. As always, more below ...
* left Thursday after work to head down to Frisco for part one of the vacation. Got in about 2am ... and after a quick tour of Monte and Sheila's new house, hit the pool. This would be a recurring theme ...
* Friday, woke up, and after a wonderful breakfast of some sausage and egg casserole deal and Shiner Blonde, hit the pool. If there's a better way to spend a 95 degree Friday in early September than floating in a pool, drinking ridiculous amounts of Shiner products, and perfecting my jumpshot playing horse on the floating basketball goal, I haven't found it.
* the setup in their backyard ... just sick. I mean, if I could like design my dream backyard, this would pretty much be it. About 1/2 of the backyard is the in-ground pool and hot tub. Another 1/4 of it is the deck, grilling area, and walkways. The last 1/4? They're building a cabana ... and they have a built in washers pit. Are you freaking kidding me. Built in washers pit! In the back yard! How the hell can you top this? No grass to mow, complete with a pool and hot tub, grilling area, and a washers pit! I can't believe I came home ...
* Friday night, we put the grilling area to good use. We also had to make an emergency trip to the Tom Thumb for some Shiner products. The lesson, as always: you offer Steve some Shiner products, they're going to get consumed rapidly ...
* Saturday morning, I got up early, borrowed the car, and drove to my old stomping grounds. Drove over to TCU to see what that fine academic institution looks like now, checked out (barenaked ladies voice) the old apartment (which was more than 22 steps from the street ...), and just for the hell of it, went into Big Daddy's Wines and Spirits, the shadiest liquor store in Lake Arlington. (It makes the liquor store at the Apple Market on Bannister look classy, if that's any help as to how ghetto this place is). After debating getting a tattoo at the new joint next to Big Daddy's, it was back to Frisco for, you guessed it ...
* more pool time! Hopped in about 10am, and it was already 92 degrees outside. 92 degrees at 10am in September. And to think people wonder why I'm so damned determined to move back to the Metroplex ...
* took off for Houston about noon. I got to drive, which was neat ... because I finally got to drive the High Five! Its like a freaking roller coaster, its just awesome. And yes, I worry about myself, that I'm this excited about driving a freeway interchange. But man, its just an amazing architectural feat. Plus, its pretty cool to like be elevated over 100 feet over the freeway below, knowing you're about to descend that 100 feet at 70mph into traffic moving even faster.
* another reason I love Dallas: Central Expressway was backed up, for no obvious reason other than too many cars on it, at 12:45 on a Saturday afternoon. A solid 4 mile backup from University to the Thornton Freeway. I so want to move back.
* got into Houston about 4:30. (Yet another reason I love Texas: you can go 80-85mph the whole way, and you're still going to be passed by half the cars on the freeway because they're going 90). We stayed at the Hilton at Reliant Park, or literally directly across the parking lots from the stadium. Nice stuff.
* went to dinner at some seafood joint called Willie G's. Russ recommended it. I should probably point out, most joints Russ recommends, he does so for one of two reasons: (a) they're a bar with cheap booze, or (b) they're a bar with cheap booze. So we had our doubts. But, for once, he didn't pick a bar with cheap booze. This place was unbelievable. I love seafood anyways, but man, just awesome stuff. I even ate crawfish, which I swore a month or so ago that I would never do because "they smell nasty". The lesson, as always: you get enough shiraz in me, I'll try anything once.
* I woke up at 5:18am on Sunday morning. I was ready for some football. Too bad the Chiefs weren't.
* When I walked out the hotel door to start loading up the cars, about 6:15am, my glasses fogged up, it was so humid outside already. Let that one sink in: 6:15am, in September, and its already so hot outside, that going from air conditioning to natural air fogs the glass. I freaking love Texas ...
* Gates open down there at 8am. We got in line about 7:20am. And we weren't even close to being the first cars in line. This sets up the 2nd great theme of the weekend, after the "its always hot enough that the pool is an option" storyline. The tailgating.
* Met some really nice Texans fans that wound up parking behind us. These folks, well ... I don't often say this about another franchise, but man, these fans deserve a winner down there. Because ...
* I can't believe I am about to type this, but Texans tailgating is every bit as good as it is at Arrowhead, if not even better. I'm not joking. For starters, you can park wherever the hell you want inside the lot you have a pass for. No stupid security people holding tape forcing you to the front of the lot. As a result, our group of 8 people wound up becoming a group of over 40 Chiefs fans within 20 minutes of the gates opening.
* the fans there are really into their tailgating too. I walked the Blue lot (about the size and same location of Lot G, where I tailgate at Arrowhead) a little bit in search of a bathroom, and man, by 8:45, that lot was completely full front to back. Grills going, washers being tossed, footballs being thrown, beers and other adult beverages being consumed, music blaring from about 100 different stereo systems, just a great, great atmosphere.
* Texans fans could not have been nicer. More than one fan actually came up to all of us to take pictures and point out that they think its awesome that a fanbase could love its team enough to travel in the numbers that Chiefs fans do.
* the actual temperature was 91 degrees at 8am. Factor in the humidity, the ozone, and the lack of cloud cover, and it felt like 100 early on. I've always said that any day when its hot enough, that the first thing in your head that morning is "screw it, its too hot for a shirt today", that is a perfect Steve day. Sunday was just about as perfect as it gets.
* By my count, I had 8 Shiner Blonde's, 2 Diet Coke 16oz bottles half filled with whiskey, and a Bloody Mary in a can. (Awesome invention, by the way. Can't believe someone didn't think of that one sooner ...) Plus a glass of champagne for the toast to start the season. Ain't we lucky we got 'em, good times!
* About 11am, these two really good looking female Chiefs fans come walking down our aisle. I mean, the drool coming down my chin had to be visible, they were that good looking. Or I'm that desperate. Anyways, they stop and are talking to us for a while, and then the one girl looks at me, and goes "wow, you look hot!" I was like "sweet! Who needs to exercise when girls this good looking think I'm hot!" Clearly, this was gonna be my day!
Sadly, she walked over and handed me one of those Texans power towels, and I realized she was referring to the fact that I was starting to get sunburned, and I was sweating a lot. But I won't let that stop me, I'm taking her words as a compliment. Therefore, I am no longer a 30 year old (self described) hot as hell dude. Its now official: I am hot as hell!
* Headed in about 11:20am. The security was beyond ridiculous. The Texans had called for a "white out" of the stadium (which made identifying Chiefs fans easier, since we all showed up in red). Basically, anyone in white wasn't getting patted down, while anyone in red was. It was a cheap, obvious stunt to delay us from turning the anthem and the introductions into Arrowhead South. And I commend the Texans security and front office personnel for thinking it up. Genius at work. Here's hoping Carl employs those tactics for the Raiders game ...
* page 30 of the program, there is a hysterical picture of dan reeves. I'm guessing he'd blow a .23 at the moment the picture was snapped. And I feel I'm a pretty accurate judge of people when it comes to blood alcohol content levels ... not that I'd blow a .15 at any given moment ...
* also kind of cool in the program: they have listed every single Texans draft pick, free agent signing, and player transaction in franchise history. Always kind of neat to see the big time goofs (and big time hits) by a team's front office.
* I did almost gag at the article on kyle shanahan. I know lots of people whose wives / girlfriends / friend with benefits / one night stands have perfectly healthy babies. No need to eat up 2 pages in a gameday program going into the agonizing decision kyle faced: be at practice, or be at the birth of his kid. Please. The kid has Satan's bloodline in it, you might as well stick around the training facility ... (in case you hadn't put two and two together, kyle is mike shararat's son ...)
* Reliant Stadium: the pictures can't do it justice. Television, even in HD, can't convey how amazing that facility is. I have never been to a nicer, more awe inspiring sporting arena / race track than that place. Its truly the finest sporting facility imaginable. (At least until Cowboys Park in Arlington is done in 2009).
The seating layout reminds you of American Airlines Center in Dallas, but more spacious. HD video boards on all 4 sides of the field, restrooms and beer / concession stands everywhere (at cheap prices too, only $4 for a draw). The seats were wide enough to accommodate a 300 lb person easily. And the message boards on the facades around the stadium, they close caption what the PA dude and ref was saying, so that you don't have to worry about hearing stuff. Just ... I cannot even begin to describe how nice Reliant Stadium is. Everyone involved in building that place, gets the Steve Seal of Approval. Awesome, awesome sporting complex.
Especially when compared to the decrepit dump next door known as the Astrodome ...
* I don't know of anyone who was even remotely surprised that Justin Medlock missed badly on his first kick. I know I wasn't.
* I saw nothing, at any point in time, to convince me that Mike Solari knows what he's doing. Case in point, the opening drive of the 2nd half. (To be fair, I have yet to rewatch this sequence, but still, like that's stopped me before).
We all know the Chiefs played horribly in the first half. Yet its still a manageable 10-0 game. My boy Benny Sapp takes the kickoff, runs it out to near midfield (if I remember right, he got it to our 46 yard line). Chiefs are in business. After a LJ run and an incompletion, its 3rd and 7. You simply CANNOT waste this field position. What does Solari call? A quick 3 step drop dumpoff to Kris Wilson at the line of scrimmage.
(steve sighing in disgust) Look it, I didn't think it was a fumble, because Wilson didn't make a football move, and you can even argue he never had possession. So the pass should have been ruled an incompletion, and we should have punted, down 10-0, instead of receiving a kickoff down 17-0. But that's not the point here. The point is, why in the hell are we calling dumpoffs on 3rd and 7 at midfield, down by 10? Are you kidding me? Samie Parker was actually catching the ball, you mean we don't have an 8 yard out pattern for that guy? We don't have a 9 yard pitch and catch to Gonzalez? What in the hell was Mike Solari thinking there?
And that's not the only questionable play call on Sunday. Its bad enough we have to overcome an offensive line that can't pass protect, and wide receivers who are 50/50 to make the catch on a good day. But asking Damon Huard to overcome those obstacles, plus a freaking retard doing the play calling? Its not possible. Its simply not possible.
And yes, the "Mike Must Go!" request is up in huge letters on my dry erase board here at work, and the "Can So-Lar-I" chant me and Monte had going in the 4th quarter on Sunday is in print on the dry erase board on the fridge at home. I'm telling you, I'm more obsessed at this point with seeing Solari fired than with seeing Bush impeached. And I never thought that would be bumped out of the top spot on the Wish-o-Meter ...
* Herm's clock management at the end of the first half was inexcusable. Chiefs sack Schaub on 1st and 10 at the Texans 15 with 1:46 to play, with 2 timeouts left. Sets up 2nd and 21 at their own 4. No timeout is called. In section 115, a (no longer self described!!!) hot as hell 30 year old is screaming for a time out. None comes. 2nd down, the Texans (correctly) run it up the middle. Gain of 2. Its now 3rd and 19 at their own 6, :57 seconds remaining. In section 115, that (its official now!!!!) hot as hell 30 year old continues to scream for a time out, and finally with :51 seconds left, a TO is called.
I am fully aware that, given how the sequence played out, we ultimately lost only about 5 seconds. (And it didn't matter anyways, since Huard got picked on our ensuing drive). But, why not call time out after first down? What if we'd forced a turnover there? What if on 3rd down the Texans had aired it out, under the Steve theory that "a 40 yard INT on 3rd and long is no worse than a punt on 4th and long"? Say Schaub airs it out, and its picked at midfield. Instead of having the ball at midfield (with no TOs) and 1:40 remaining, we'd have the ball at midfield with 1 TO and :40 remaining. Which scenario is better? I'd rather have the time than the TO in that spot. Herm, buddy, you gotta improve in this area. For all my b*tching about "former head coach", at least he had the common sense to employ Mike White, who might have been a god awful coach, but was damned good at replays and clock management. Maybe Herm should give Mike a call and see what he's up to ...
* the "Steve almost comes unglued" Moment of the Game: late 4th quarter, Chiefs down 20-3, we have 4th and 6 at midfield. Huard is running the no-huddle, and its a completion (I think it was to LJ) that sets up the 4th down play. On the Chiefs sideline, a group of about 4 special teamers, including P Dusty Colquitt, begin to jog onto the field. Thankfully, they didn't get too far. But, to even contemplate punting down 17 late in a game, is absolutely ridiculous. And if Dusty had taken the snap there, well, I would have snapped.
* the Texans cheerleaders. Good God. I thought I was watching a special group dance performance on Stripsearch on channel 595. All that was messing was the hairy dude in the helmet cam. Holy crap, they have some hot, hot cheerleaders who have no problems with showing off their, uuh, assets.
* the Texans do that annoying "first down!" chant too.
* their fans did like the "cheater! cheater!" chant. I feel like I accomplished something, I had a few of their fans around me yelling it at many of our goofs.
* they also have the lamest fight song I've ever heard. They had some 88 year old dude trying to conduct the Bullpen Band, and yeah, it just wasn't working. There's only one pep band, and only one 80 plus director of said band, worth listening to in the NFL. And it ain't the Bullpen Band.
* I was not hit by a Texans fan, punched by a Texans fan, slapped by a Texans fan, or in any way, shape, or form physically assaulted by a Texans fan. So that puts Texans fans ahead of Bengals fans. Nice ...
* After the game (I was the only one in our group who stayed to the bitter end), the walk to the car began. Go figure, it was raining. Well, it was like a misting kind of rain falling, for about 5 minutes, because then the sun came back out and it was even hotter out than before. Man I love Texas. I want to move back!
Anyways, after enduring your typical taunts and putdowns, I make it back to the car, and these Texans fans who had tailgated across the aisle from us (fun people) come up, and this one guy who I'd made a bet with was like "ok, time to pay up". Our bet was, if the Chiefs won, he had to wear a Chiefs t-shirt for the postgame tailgate, and if the Texans won, I had to wear a Texans one. Kind of like one of those soccer jersey exchanges, I guess. So I put it on, let him take his pics, then took it back off, because it was just too freaking hot out. But anyways, he then goes "so, how does it feel". And I was like "huh?" And he goes "how does it feel, to lose to the worst team in football?"
Let that one sink in. We lost to a team described by their own die hard fans as "the worst team in football". Your 2007 Kansas City Chiefs!
* If we lose Sunday, and its probably a safe bet that we will, I say that unless it is a perfect weather day, there will be at least 15,000 no shows at the home opener. If we get blown out Sunday, that number might hit 20,000.
* the drive home Monday sucked. It rained the whole way back. Plus, coming back here meant I had to leave Texas. (steve fighting back tears ...) On the bright side, since next year is the last year for Texas Stadium, we all agreed we gotta make one last journey into that place, for either the Redskins or the 49ers next year. So, at least I'm guaranteed a return trip next fall.
* finally, a fearless early prediction for this weekend: Nebraska 24, USC 20. Bill Callahan knows what he's doing. He's been gearing to this game, this moment, for 2 years now. Saturday night, Nebraska returns to its place among football's royalty, and jumps head first into legitimate national championship conversation ...
classic: end to the 2006 regular season
sk: enjoy.
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The good news: We're in! We're in! Season still on!
The bad news: I get to recap another game! No, wait, that's actually a good thing. So really, there is no bad news to report ...
So I got home Sunday with about 9 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter of the 49ers game. I fire up the TV, and this is the first thing I hear:
(moose johnston) It was real interesting. When we talked with mike shanahan this week, he said he wanted Kansas City to win, to keep the pressure on his own team.
(curt menafee) He definitely didn't want his team to back into the playoffs.
We all know that I have a (brett voice) "vivid imagination". But not even I could have written a script as beautiful as this.
The Chiefs win, at home, in the snow, behind a power rushing attack, the most un-freaking-believable blocked punt / touchdown I have ever seen, and three absolutely brilliant, awe-inspiring play calls by the worst offensive coordinator in franchise history. (Actually, four, but one I credit to Herm. As always, more below ...)
The Patriots, in a game that meant absolutely nothing to them, roll into Nashville, drop a 40 spot on the Titans, and even run up the score by having 92 year old Vinny Testaverde throw a touchdown for the 20th consecutive year.
The Steelers, in a game that meant absolutely nothing to them, go into Cincinnati, fumble away a sure touchdown, allow a 47 yard pass completion with less than a minute left to set up what should have been a gimme field goal for the Bengals ... and then drop a 67 yard bomb of their own on the Bengals to start overtime, and keep hope alive for Arrowhead Nation.
My prayer entering the day, was that the denver game would actually matter for us. Wish granted. But thankfully, God didn't stop there when giving Steve his 30th birthday present.
Because the 6-9 49ers, who had beaten exactly one team with a winning record all season (the Seahawks), who had already lost by 41 (at KC), 29 (vs SD), 31 (at Chi), and 24 (vs NO), who had been swept by the mighty Arizona Cardinals, and who had nothing at all to play for other than "we're here, so what the hell, let's take the field". The 49ers spot my most hated franchise in sports a 13 point lead via a back breaking pick six right before halftime.
And then score 20 unanswered points, and tack on two more field goals, the latter set up by a brilliant QB block on Pro Bowl safety john "Iate hit" lynch, to win at denver, and complete arguably the most amazing four team parlay in NFL history.
You wanted KC to win, mike? You got it.
Chiefs 35, Jaguars 30.
You didn't want to back into the playoffs, mike? You got it.
denver's next opponent: TBD, week 1, 2007 regular season.
Chiefs next opponent: at Colts, 3:30pm Saturday, 2006 playoffs!!!
The only "backing into" anything that'll occur for your broncos this week, mike, involves a dead cornerback, a coffin, and a hole in the ground. Have fun with that.
Holy sh*t. Somehow, someway, we're alive! Season still freaking on! Without question, the single greatest NFL Sunday of my lifetime. I truly don't know where to begin. But I know what I'll be doing come 3:30 on Saturday afternoon ... and happily, its the same thing mike shanarat and his collection of bullet-riddled donkeys will be doing: watching the postseason on television!
* I was so confident of our chances of making the playoffs, that I drove on Sunday, because, and I actually said this on Sunday morning, "I want to lose this game". (Long story, but its a stupid Steve superstition). I'd given up. I wanted to tank the game for draft positioning, I was so sure denver would win. The lesson, as always: if I am THAT confident about something, its not going to happen.
* When I went to the grocery store to get chips and backup bloody mary mix at about 6:45am, the temp deal in the car said 54 degrees. On the drive home after the game, it said 28. Its always a bad sign, when the warmest it gets, is when you first wake up. Then again, I'm that guy who thinks that if the first thought that enters your head rolling out of bed in the morning is "whoa, its kinda cool in here, let me grab a shirt", its too cold. So what the hell do I know.
* If they showed some dude in a Chiefs rugby jersey fist pumping and screaming "J E T S Jets Jets Jets!" about 100 times on Sunday, well that was me every time they showed the Jets score.
* Seriously, for me, it doesn't get much better than this. My favorite team somehow, someway gets into the playoffs. My second favorite team is in, and plays less than 24 hours after my favorite team. And the game in between the Chiefs and the Jets, involves the only NFC team I give a crap about. Good God, I might be in rehab by Monday. Especially if all three of them win ...
* the video tributes to Lamar were neat. But Tony DiParto playing "Taps" was really emotional. Not quite as tear-inducing as when they play it before the Indy 500 every year, but still, awesome stuff.
* Sign Number One it was going to be our day: No KC Wolf Sketch!
* Weird Introductions Moment: "The Chiefs Tight End!" Tony Gonzalez was the only TE in the group.
* 61 home games and counting since I got to cheer our head coach during introductions. For those keeping track at home, that dates to the denver game in 2000. I think next year, I might just put a sign on the back of the Blazer that says "(Dan Roberts voice) and the Chiefs head coach!!!", so that way at least I can let everyone know what I think of the man. Even if his "I know we're on the opponents side of the field, and its a makeable 4th down, but screw it, let's punt" mentality really irritates me.
* The first huge moment: the Bernard Pollard punt block. I have rewatched that at least 10 times already, and its still one of the most amazing plays I've ever seen. The crowd reaction, it didn't really come through on the TV how loud it got. That place was going crazy after that play.
* Gutsy moment of the day number one: LJ's first touchdown. 4th and inches. 10-7 Jaguars. I would have kicked. Herm never hesitated to go for it. That's why he makes the big bucks, and why I pay them to watch him do his job.
* Brilliant play call of the day number one: the flea flicker. Other than my roommate, nobody loves the flea flicker more than me. That was just beautiful to watch unfold, especially since it happened in my end zone. LJ into the hole, the defense collapses the pocket ... and he flips the ball back to Green, who took a vicious shot while delivering a perfect throw to a well covered Kennison at the back of the end zone. For all you Huard backers, and I'm not one of you, don't worry, brilliant call of the day number two is coming up.
* The halftime show. I have to be careful here, because y'all know what I think of Ida McBeth. I think she's just beyond amazing. I lobby every game for her to be one of 2 permanent singers of the National Anthem (along with Rev. Hal Weeks). Her voice is just incredible. So they introduce her, and immediately, I'm happy, I'm like "sweet! This is why I didn't go pee yet, to see her!" And then they announce she's going to sing "Amazing Grace" in tribute to Lamar. And I'm like "double sweet! Great choice!" Only ... it just didn't work. The "interpretive dance", or whatever the hell they call those things, just didn't do it for me.
* Brilliant play call of the day number two: Green goes down, helped off the field. Enter Damon Huard. First play was a handoff to LJ. Then, magic. Solari calls a drop back pass, bomb down the sideline to Kennison. Kennison hauls it in on an amazing one-handed grab, 40 yard reception, Chiefs have 1st and goal to go.
Here's why I loved it. First, at that point, up 21-10, that's Solari and Herm going for the jugular. That's a play you call when you want to kick an opponent in the nuts and end the fight. Brilliant stuff in its own right. But why I really loved it, and I really don't mean this to come across as a total rip on "former head coach", but that's how its going to sound, is because it never would have happened under "former head coach".
There is no freaking way "former head coach" would have let Al Saunders call that play. Because it would have made Green look bad, it would have given the fans a reason to back the backup QB and boo when Green came back (which is, in fact, what happened, sadly). "Former head coach" would never have let any play be called that would make his chosen one look like anything less than the shining star. Herm? Doesn't give a sh*t, if its a good play and you think it will work, call it. I'll deal with the fallout later.
I still think he has to go when this season is over. But for a couple moments on Sunday, he actually looked competent. Which is more than he can say at pretty much any point in the last four weeks.
* Funniest broadcast moment: Chiefs up 28-17, Jags squib kick the kickoff. Nobody on the Chiefs tries to cover it, the Jags are rushing towards it, and Len Dawson drops the "Jesus Christ, cover (the football) already!" blast. I love commentators who speak exactly what I'm thinking. Even if it might draw a fine from the FCC.
* Brilliant play call of the day numero tres: Chiefs did recover the squib kick. Move down the field. And now face a 3rd and 9 at the Jaguars 11. They break huddle, and line up 3 wide, plus Gonzalez, with LJ as the lone setback. Obvious pass upcoming. Only ... its not. Its a pitch left to LJ, with Shields and Waters in front of him (one of them pulled, not sure which off the top of my head), and he rumbles untouched for a touchdown. I loved this play for three reasons: (a) run out of an obvious passing set, that keeps the defense wondering what's coming; (b) anytime you have two Pro Bowlers blocking for another Pro Bowler, good things will probably happen, but especially (c) Solari understood the situation. We're up 28-17. A field goal there is what you have to have. If you get the six, great, but don't risk the interception, don't risk the sure-fire two TD lead.
Again, I am not a fan of Mike Solari, but every once in a while, he gives you a reason to hope that maybe he knows what he's doing. If he had more of those moments, maybe we wouldn't have needed all the help we got Sunday.
* Turning point of the game: mid 4th quarter. Jags cut it to 35-30, and they're ready to go for two. I'm cold. Its snowing. I look down, muttering or swearing about the latest defensive meltdown, and think "wait a second". I stop. I hand the radio, headphones, and my gloves to Nancy, I hand my beer to Sheila. And I take off my pullover Chiefs windbreaker I had put on early in the game.
Everyone was like "what the hell is he doing?!?!" If you sit by me, hell if you even know a little bit about me, you know I FREAKING HATE THE COLD! And I'm taking clothes off in it?!?! What the hell?!?!
The answer: I had worn said pullover coat twice this year. I wore it for Cincinnati, because it actually deflects the rain pretty well. And I wore it for Baltimore, because it actually blocks the wind pretty well too. Once I realized I'd worn it to the only two home games we lost, off it came. The lesson, as always: don't keep wearing stuff that we lose in. The Jags, of course, fumbled the center exchange on the two point try ... and never ran a play from scrimmage again. Even though I lost my voice, I can't breathe through my nose due to congestion, and my head is pounding from whatever the hell I caught as a result of standing in the snow with just a rugby shirt and a pair of track pants on: you're welcome.
* Brilliant play call (and decision) of the game number four: 4th and 3, 1:57 to play, at the Jaguars 31. Chiefs up 35-30. Herm sends in the punting unit. In section 132, the self-described hottest 29 year old in the stadium fires off angry text message to married friends that reads "your wife has more balls than our head coach".
Suddenly, Trent Green jogs out onto the field, runs up to Tony Corrente, stands by him, lets the play clock tick down, and calls timeout with 1:31 to play.
I don't know if Herm sent him out. I don't know if Trent said "f*ck it, we're not playing like this anymore, we're here to win" and ran out there on his own. But after the timeout, Trent and the offense took the field, and we were playing to win. Hello! You play to win the game!
From the formation, I'm assuming it was going to be a 4-5 yard out pattern to Gonzalez, with Wilson as the bailout option. Trent sends Tony G in motion ... and the Jags jump. Weigmann and Green know what that means, and Casey snaps it to Green, who immediately spikes it. After a few tense moments, Tony Corrente correctly points out that "Number 88 was shifting, which is legal, therefore, offsides, 92, defense. 5 yard penalty. The result of the play is a first down!" Game over. Season on.
* "Playoffs? Don't talk about ... playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs?" Holy crap. We're in. The Chiefs are freaking in!
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The good news: We're in! We're in! Season still on!
The bad news: I get to recap another game! No, wait, that's actually a good thing. So really, there is no bad news to report ...
So I got home Sunday with about 9 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter of the 49ers game. I fire up the TV, and this is the first thing I hear:
(moose johnston) It was real interesting. When we talked with mike shanahan this week, he said he wanted Kansas City to win, to keep the pressure on his own team.
(curt menafee) He definitely didn't want his team to back into the playoffs.
We all know that I have a (brett voice) "vivid imagination". But not even I could have written a script as beautiful as this.
The Chiefs win, at home, in the snow, behind a power rushing attack, the most un-freaking-believable blocked punt / touchdown I have ever seen, and three absolutely brilliant, awe-inspiring play calls by the worst offensive coordinator in franchise history. (Actually, four, but one I credit to Herm. As always, more below ...)
The Patriots, in a game that meant absolutely nothing to them, roll into Nashville, drop a 40 spot on the Titans, and even run up the score by having 92 year old Vinny Testaverde throw a touchdown for the 20th consecutive year.
The Steelers, in a game that meant absolutely nothing to them, go into Cincinnati, fumble away a sure touchdown, allow a 47 yard pass completion with less than a minute left to set up what should have been a gimme field goal for the Bengals ... and then drop a 67 yard bomb of their own on the Bengals to start overtime, and keep hope alive for Arrowhead Nation.
My prayer entering the day, was that the denver game would actually matter for us. Wish granted. But thankfully, God didn't stop there when giving Steve his 30th birthday present.
Because the 6-9 49ers, who had beaten exactly one team with a winning record all season (the Seahawks), who had already lost by 41 (at KC), 29 (vs SD), 31 (at Chi), and 24 (vs NO), who had been swept by the mighty Arizona Cardinals, and who had nothing at all to play for other than "we're here, so what the hell, let's take the field". The 49ers spot my most hated franchise in sports a 13 point lead via a back breaking pick six right before halftime.
And then score 20 unanswered points, and tack on two more field goals, the latter set up by a brilliant QB block on Pro Bowl safety john "Iate hit" lynch, to win at denver, and complete arguably the most amazing four team parlay in NFL history.
You wanted KC to win, mike? You got it.
Chiefs 35, Jaguars 30.
You didn't want to back into the playoffs, mike? You got it.
denver's next opponent: TBD, week 1, 2007 regular season.
Chiefs next opponent: at Colts, 3:30pm Saturday, 2006 playoffs!!!
The only "backing into" anything that'll occur for your broncos this week, mike, involves a dead cornerback, a coffin, and a hole in the ground. Have fun with that.
Holy sh*t. Somehow, someway, we're alive! Season still freaking on! Without question, the single greatest NFL Sunday of my lifetime. I truly don't know where to begin. But I know what I'll be doing come 3:30 on Saturday afternoon ... and happily, its the same thing mike shanarat and his collection of bullet-riddled donkeys will be doing: watching the postseason on television!
* I was so confident of our chances of making the playoffs, that I drove on Sunday, because, and I actually said this on Sunday morning, "I want to lose this game". (Long story, but its a stupid Steve superstition). I'd given up. I wanted to tank the game for draft positioning, I was so sure denver would win. The lesson, as always: if I am THAT confident about something, its not going to happen.
* When I went to the grocery store to get chips and backup bloody mary mix at about 6:45am, the temp deal in the car said 54 degrees. On the drive home after the game, it said 28. Its always a bad sign, when the warmest it gets, is when you first wake up. Then again, I'm that guy who thinks that if the first thought that enters your head rolling out of bed in the morning is "whoa, its kinda cool in here, let me grab a shirt", its too cold. So what the hell do I know.
* If they showed some dude in a Chiefs rugby jersey fist pumping and screaming "J E T S Jets Jets Jets!" about 100 times on Sunday, well that was me every time they showed the Jets score.
* Seriously, for me, it doesn't get much better than this. My favorite team somehow, someway gets into the playoffs. My second favorite team is in, and plays less than 24 hours after my favorite team. And the game in between the Chiefs and the Jets, involves the only NFC team I give a crap about. Good God, I might be in rehab by Monday. Especially if all three of them win ...
* the video tributes to Lamar were neat. But Tony DiParto playing "Taps" was really emotional. Not quite as tear-inducing as when they play it before the Indy 500 every year, but still, awesome stuff.
* Sign Number One it was going to be our day: No KC Wolf Sketch!
* Weird Introductions Moment: "The Chiefs Tight End!" Tony Gonzalez was the only TE in the group.
* 61 home games and counting since I got to cheer our head coach during introductions. For those keeping track at home, that dates to the denver game in 2000. I think next year, I might just put a sign on the back of the Blazer that says "(Dan Roberts voice) and the Chiefs head coach!!!", so that way at least I can let everyone know what I think of the man. Even if his "I know we're on the opponents side of the field, and its a makeable 4th down, but screw it, let's punt" mentality really irritates me.
* The first huge moment: the Bernard Pollard punt block. I have rewatched that at least 10 times already, and its still one of the most amazing plays I've ever seen. The crowd reaction, it didn't really come through on the TV how loud it got. That place was going crazy after that play.
* Gutsy moment of the day number one: LJ's first touchdown. 4th and inches. 10-7 Jaguars. I would have kicked. Herm never hesitated to go for it. That's why he makes the big bucks, and why I pay them to watch him do his job.
* Brilliant play call of the day number one: the flea flicker. Other than my roommate, nobody loves the flea flicker more than me. That was just beautiful to watch unfold, especially since it happened in my end zone. LJ into the hole, the defense collapses the pocket ... and he flips the ball back to Green, who took a vicious shot while delivering a perfect throw to a well covered Kennison at the back of the end zone. For all you Huard backers, and I'm not one of you, don't worry, brilliant call of the day number two is coming up.
* The halftime show. I have to be careful here, because y'all know what I think of Ida McBeth. I think she's just beyond amazing. I lobby every game for her to be one of 2 permanent singers of the National Anthem (along with Rev. Hal Weeks). Her voice is just incredible. So they introduce her, and immediately, I'm happy, I'm like "sweet! This is why I didn't go pee yet, to see her!" And then they announce she's going to sing "Amazing Grace" in tribute to Lamar. And I'm like "double sweet! Great choice!" Only ... it just didn't work. The "interpretive dance", or whatever the hell they call those things, just didn't do it for me.
* Brilliant play call of the day number two: Green goes down, helped off the field. Enter Damon Huard. First play was a handoff to LJ. Then, magic. Solari calls a drop back pass, bomb down the sideline to Kennison. Kennison hauls it in on an amazing one-handed grab, 40 yard reception, Chiefs have 1st and goal to go.
Here's why I loved it. First, at that point, up 21-10, that's Solari and Herm going for the jugular. That's a play you call when you want to kick an opponent in the nuts and end the fight. Brilliant stuff in its own right. But why I really loved it, and I really don't mean this to come across as a total rip on "former head coach", but that's how its going to sound, is because it never would have happened under "former head coach".
There is no freaking way "former head coach" would have let Al Saunders call that play. Because it would have made Green look bad, it would have given the fans a reason to back the backup QB and boo when Green came back (which is, in fact, what happened, sadly). "Former head coach" would never have let any play be called that would make his chosen one look like anything less than the shining star. Herm? Doesn't give a sh*t, if its a good play and you think it will work, call it. I'll deal with the fallout later.
I still think he has to go when this season is over. But for a couple moments on Sunday, he actually looked competent. Which is more than he can say at pretty much any point in the last four weeks.
* Funniest broadcast moment: Chiefs up 28-17, Jags squib kick the kickoff. Nobody on the Chiefs tries to cover it, the Jags are rushing towards it, and Len Dawson drops the "Jesus Christ, cover (the football) already!" blast. I love commentators who speak exactly what I'm thinking. Even if it might draw a fine from the FCC.
* Brilliant play call of the day numero tres: Chiefs did recover the squib kick. Move down the field. And now face a 3rd and 9 at the Jaguars 11. They break huddle, and line up 3 wide, plus Gonzalez, with LJ as the lone setback. Obvious pass upcoming. Only ... its not. Its a pitch left to LJ, with Shields and Waters in front of him (one of them pulled, not sure which off the top of my head), and he rumbles untouched for a touchdown. I loved this play for three reasons: (a) run out of an obvious passing set, that keeps the defense wondering what's coming; (b) anytime you have two Pro Bowlers blocking for another Pro Bowler, good things will probably happen, but especially (c) Solari understood the situation. We're up 28-17. A field goal there is what you have to have. If you get the six, great, but don't risk the interception, don't risk the sure-fire two TD lead.
Again, I am not a fan of Mike Solari, but every once in a while, he gives you a reason to hope that maybe he knows what he's doing. If he had more of those moments, maybe we wouldn't have needed all the help we got Sunday.
* Turning point of the game: mid 4th quarter. Jags cut it to 35-30, and they're ready to go for two. I'm cold. Its snowing. I look down, muttering or swearing about the latest defensive meltdown, and think "wait a second". I stop. I hand the radio, headphones, and my gloves to Nancy, I hand my beer to Sheila. And I take off my pullover Chiefs windbreaker I had put on early in the game.
Everyone was like "what the hell is he doing?!?!" If you sit by me, hell if you even know a little bit about me, you know I FREAKING HATE THE COLD! And I'm taking clothes off in it?!?! What the hell?!?!
The answer: I had worn said pullover coat twice this year. I wore it for Cincinnati, because it actually deflects the rain pretty well. And I wore it for Baltimore, because it actually blocks the wind pretty well too. Once I realized I'd worn it to the only two home games we lost, off it came. The lesson, as always: don't keep wearing stuff that we lose in. The Jags, of course, fumbled the center exchange on the two point try ... and never ran a play from scrimmage again. Even though I lost my voice, I can't breathe through my nose due to congestion, and my head is pounding from whatever the hell I caught as a result of standing in the snow with just a rugby shirt and a pair of track pants on: you're welcome.
* Brilliant play call (and decision) of the game number four: 4th and 3, 1:57 to play, at the Jaguars 31. Chiefs up 35-30. Herm sends in the punting unit. In section 132, the self-described hottest 29 year old in the stadium fires off angry text message to married friends that reads "your wife has more balls than our head coach".
Suddenly, Trent Green jogs out onto the field, runs up to Tony Corrente, stands by him, lets the play clock tick down, and calls timeout with 1:31 to play.
I don't know if Herm sent him out. I don't know if Trent said "f*ck it, we're not playing like this anymore, we're here to win" and ran out there on his own. But after the timeout, Trent and the offense took the field, and we were playing to win. Hello! You play to win the game!
From the formation, I'm assuming it was going to be a 4-5 yard out pattern to Gonzalez, with Wilson as the bailout option. Trent sends Tony G in motion ... and the Jags jump. Weigmann and Green know what that means, and Casey snaps it to Green, who immediately spikes it. After a few tense moments, Tony Corrente correctly points out that "Number 88 was shifting, which is legal, therefore, offsides, 92, defense. 5 yard penalty. The result of the play is a first down!" Game over. Season on.
* "Playoffs? Don't talk about ... playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs?" Holy crap. We're in. The Chiefs are freaking in!
classic: steve recaps brickyard 2006
sk: I intend over the next week or so to post some classic Steve recaps / rants, to build anticipation for the NFL season. That, and to build readership of the new site. This is my, uuh, "recollection" of the craziness that was Brickyard 2006. Seems to fit, given that the Brickyard is tomorrow. Enjoy the first "classic" recap.
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Wow, even by my rambling standards, this is long. Sorry in advance. Absoulely awesome weekend though. Fun, alcohol fueled times had by all.
Friday night the fun began. We got in about 10 eastern time, and didn't stop until about 3:30. Saturday was spent watching qualifying, practice, and touring the Indy museum, which as I always point out, is the only museum in the world you don't have to bribe me to get me into. They had a pretty neat little 20 exhibit in there, with his 2002 Winston Cup, 1997 IndyCar, 1995 USAC (all title winning cars), and then his Chili Bowl cars in there. Plus, Kurt Busch hit the wall in practice! That was freaking awesome. Always nice to see bad things happen to drivers I don't care for.
Saturday night was, uuh, a little crazy. Started off playing drunken washers, and it just went downhill from there. By 1am some fat chick and her equally hefty friend kept trying to send the kids home so they could "get naked in the hot tub". Thankfully, we convinced them to keep the clothes on. Or, at least, keep them on until I left. If there's one thing a drunk Steve doesn't need to see, its 50 year old chicks pushing 250 lbs taking it all off. I might do something I'll regret. Or at least never live down.
And it was a little, uuh, intoxicating. I left for Dave's with about 2 1/2 bottles of the 1ml of Captain. When I opened the cooler Sunday morning to get started ... 1/4 of a bottle remained. And I know I was the only one drinking it. No wonder I've got the shakes this morning.
Then came raceday. Man, I love Indy! You couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was in the low 90s, and pretty humid, but with enough of a breeze that you didn't sweat too bad. Perfect Steve weather. Anytime you don't even have to think about putting a t-shirt on, its a good day. After (literally) rolling out of bed and hitting the floor about 9:30, the fun began. Nothing like homemade biscuits and gravy with Bud Light to start the morning off right. I love racedays.
The people next door to Peggy's hung a Tony Stewart full sized poster deal in effagy, just hysterical. They also encouraged people parking there to "let Tony know what you think of him". The 20 didn't look too good by the end of the day. It looked like some people were taking a whiz on him. Poor 20.
About 11ish, some lady pulls up, looking to park ... so Peggy's son goes out to park her, and she's just staring past him. No clue where she's at. Finally, we get through to her and somehow get her into the yard without hitting another car. She was already smashed. (And yes, I know. Pot, meet kettle. Steve, meet drunk lady.)
She hops out, she's got a 12, 13 year old kid in the backseat ... and in her hand is a very potent vodka tonic. I could smell the vodka from 20 feet away. Not that I was drooling. She stumbles over to the chairs where we're sitting, and nearly misses a seat. After about 30 minutes of just sitting there, drinking and puffing on the Virginia Slims, she finally stumbles off to the Speedway with the kid and her husband. I love trashy people.
See, this is why races rule, because no matter how out of shape you are, or how much you drink, there's at least 20,000 people there who have a bigger beer gut than you, and are far more wasted than you. Races make you feel good about yourself.
Anyways, apparently Peggy and all them know this drunk chick somehow, I guess she stayed there a couple years ago and it got ugly. Something about her 15 year old daughter, an 18 year old guy, and the floor. A cat was involved too somehow, not sure how though.
The seats at the race were just incredible. Turn two (southeast vista), last section next to the suites, about 10 rows from the top. Best view I've ever had there. You could see everything in one, through the short chute, through two, down the backstretch and into three, and then you could see all of four as well. Plus with the video board right across from you, you didn't miss anything. It was a 35 minute hike from Peggy's house to our seats. She lives two blocks from the Speedway. Yet another reason to love Indy: you work the booze off.
Jimmie Johnson was booed pretty good, as were the Busch boys. But the stunner was the very loud booing of Tony Stewart. Last year, you had people sticking around for 4 hours afterwards to celebrate his win. (Like me, for instance). He's the hometown kid. This year, he got the second loudest negative response, behind only Kyle Busch. Shocking turnaround of events in twelve months.
But it wasn't the biggest shocker of the day, not even close. The pictures will prove it: I spotted a Joe Nemechek t-shirt on an actual living, breathing person. And he was wearing a Nemechek hat too! I damned near spat out my beer when I saw the guy take his seat a couple rows in front of me. Who knew, Nemechek actually has fans that aren't related to him. At least, I'm assuming this guy isn't related to him, he wasn't fat and goofy looking.
For people who say NASCAR has no diversity ... some chick from Destiny's Child did the anthem. So at least one minority was there yesterday! Plus they had a lovely "African Americans History in the 500" display at the Museum. There have been 2 black drivers in the race. In 90 years of running it. See, diversity!
Mari Hulman George looked bad. I mean, she's old as dirt anyways, but she looked like she aged another 5 years since May. She was visibly struggling with the command. Then again, I was "visibly struggling" to stand upright, so maybe it was just me.
The highlight of the race had to be lap 7, the one and only lap Kasey led! Well, not really, there were plenty of highlights, but hey, at least he led a lap!
Gordon's sway bar deal ... man, talk about bad luck. I was glad he managed to get back on the lead lap.
Which reminds me: the NBC guys have got to be the absolute most sh*ttiest trio of commentators ever. Wally called Jeff Burton "Ward" at least 5 times by my count. Wally, Ward hasn't run in two years. Come on. And Weber couldn't figure out why Gordon didn't line up to the outside of the leader on a couple restarts. Bill ... when you get the lucky dog, you go to the back of the longest line! If my drunk a** can figure this stuff out, what the hell is wrong with the trained professionals who are, you know, paid to know this stuff?
The absolute worst though was Weber down the stretch. He actually said Jimmie Johnson was "3 miles" from victory with 2 to go. (steve screaming at the scanner voice) Indy is a 2 1/2 mile track! There's two laps left! That's 5 miles! If he'd done it once, I'd be ok with it, but he did it again with one to go, saying "1 1/2 miles to the checkered!" Really, just utter incompetence. My drunken podcast idea cannot be worse than NBC / TNT's NASCAR guys. It just can't. It's not possible. I could be passed out, snoring, and drooling, and I'd still know more in that state of mind than Bill Weber and Wally Dallenbach put together.
The last 13, 14 laps of that race were just incredible. At Kansas, Earnhardt or Busch wins the race. You give them a 20 car length lead with 12 to go, there isn't enough time to catch up. At Indy, with no banking, an extra mile on each lap, Johnson and the rest of the pack caught them in 5 laps. Just amazing.
Funniest line of the day, with about 4 to go: (mark martin) if they throw a f*cking caution, I'm hunting (Mike) Helton down. There ain't any sh*t (debris) out here".
Second funniest line of the day, courtesy of Peggy, with about 6 to go: "Who do you (meaning me) cheer for? Do you even cheer for someone?", when the top 3 were Kyle Busch, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Jimmie Johnson. That's like a Super Bowl pitting the broncos against the Raiders, you just root for the terrorists to strike.
Johnson had the best car, without question. I really don't get it, how he manages to blow a tire, barely roll back to the pits, then catches his freaking pit stall on fire ... yet he never goes a lap down, and emerges with a far better car than he came in with. I swear, Chad Knaus is the greatest crew chief ever not named Ray Evernham. Greatest cheater too, but good God, every week that guy finds a new way to take a bottom 10 car and post a 6th place finish. Smart move to resign him through 2010; if I was Toyota, I would have thrown every penny in the bank at him for Vickers next year.
I haven't seen Kasey's wreck, so I can't comment on it. I read that he said he got loose, so its not like I can blame anyone, except NASCAR for not throwing a caution when Riggs and Gordon and Biffle wrecked in turn one half a lap before Kasey did in 3/4. But hey, he's got some kind of new vitamin water deal that he is the spokesdude for now, that's neat! I have to start buying that stuff. Great billboard of it too near the Speedway.
Post race: so we stumble back to Peggy's. We're sitting around, finishing off some Bud Light, waiting for the traffic to die out to head home. Across the street, its pretty much party central, they've got the washers going, boombox blaring, alcohol flowing, good times had by all. Then, it happens. This chick over there, not shabby looking, starts yelling at a car that's stuck in traffic in the street. This chick is wearing a pink top and soccer shorts. I had no complaints. Anyways, you start hearing "b*tch" and "f*cker" being yelled at the top of her lungs. Then she hops up in a pickup truck bed, starts shaking her a** for the neighborhood to see ... and the chick she's yelling at hops out of her car, rushes over, and they start screaming at each other.
Tons of obsenities are flying. By now, we're all out of our seats, walking towards them, ready with anticipation. Sadly, the situation calms down when traffic moves a little, so chick #2 (who was in a nice white bikini top and very tight, short Dale Earnhardt Jr shorts, very nice) hops back in her car and begins to drive off. Chick #1 drops the "f*cking wh*re" blast though as chick #2 is leaving ... and its on like Donkey Kong. Chick #2 slams on the breaks, comes hauling out, and bam! Its a brawl! They throw down for a solid 30 seconds before the guys over there can break it up. Still, just awesome stuff. Its not every day you're sitting in the driveway, enjoying a cold one, just about ready to pass out ... and a chick-on-chick fight breaks out across the street.
Just an awesome, awesome weekend. I'm sunburnt from the waist up, I'm tired, I'm probably still above the legal intoxication limit in 50 states and the District ... but man, I love that place. The last Sunday in May can't get here soon enough. Especially since the 500 will be unified this year!!! Finally!!! After 12 long years, ChampCar comes back to Indy!!! Assuming there's anyone left in ChampCar who doesn't bolt for NASCAR to make the unified race worth it ...
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Wow, even by my rambling standards, this is long. Sorry in advance. Absoulely awesome weekend though. Fun, alcohol fueled times had by all.
Friday night the fun began. We got in about 10 eastern time, and didn't stop until about 3:30. Saturday was spent watching qualifying, practice, and touring the Indy museum, which as I always point out, is the only museum in the world you don't have to bribe me to get me into. They had a pretty neat little 20 exhibit in there, with his 2002 Winston Cup, 1997 IndyCar, 1995 USAC (all title winning cars), and then his Chili Bowl cars in there. Plus, Kurt Busch hit the wall in practice! That was freaking awesome. Always nice to see bad things happen to drivers I don't care for.
Saturday night was, uuh, a little crazy. Started off playing drunken washers, and it just went downhill from there. By 1am some fat chick and her equally hefty friend kept trying to send the kids home so they could "get naked in the hot tub". Thankfully, we convinced them to keep the clothes on. Or, at least, keep them on until I left. If there's one thing a drunk Steve doesn't need to see, its 50 year old chicks pushing 250 lbs taking it all off. I might do something I'll regret. Or at least never live down.
And it was a little, uuh, intoxicating. I left for Dave's with about 2 1/2 bottles of the 1ml of Captain. When I opened the cooler Sunday morning to get started ... 1/4 of a bottle remained. And I know I was the only one drinking it. No wonder I've got the shakes this morning.
Then came raceday. Man, I love Indy! You couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was in the low 90s, and pretty humid, but with enough of a breeze that you didn't sweat too bad. Perfect Steve weather. Anytime you don't even have to think about putting a t-shirt on, its a good day. After (literally) rolling out of bed and hitting the floor about 9:30, the fun began. Nothing like homemade biscuits and gravy with Bud Light to start the morning off right. I love racedays.
The people next door to Peggy's hung a Tony Stewart full sized poster deal in effagy, just hysterical. They also encouraged people parking there to "let Tony know what you think of him". The 20 didn't look too good by the end of the day. It looked like some people were taking a whiz on him. Poor 20.
About 11ish, some lady pulls up, looking to park ... so Peggy's son goes out to park her, and she's just staring past him. No clue where she's at. Finally, we get through to her and somehow get her into the yard without hitting another car. She was already smashed. (And yes, I know. Pot, meet kettle. Steve, meet drunk lady.)
She hops out, she's got a 12, 13 year old kid in the backseat ... and in her hand is a very potent vodka tonic. I could smell the vodka from 20 feet away. Not that I was drooling. She stumbles over to the chairs where we're sitting, and nearly misses a seat. After about 30 minutes of just sitting there, drinking and puffing on the Virginia Slims, she finally stumbles off to the Speedway with the kid and her husband. I love trashy people.
See, this is why races rule, because no matter how out of shape you are, or how much you drink, there's at least 20,000 people there who have a bigger beer gut than you, and are far more wasted than you. Races make you feel good about yourself.
Anyways, apparently Peggy and all them know this drunk chick somehow, I guess she stayed there a couple years ago and it got ugly. Something about her 15 year old daughter, an 18 year old guy, and the floor. A cat was involved too somehow, not sure how though.
The seats at the race were just incredible. Turn two (southeast vista), last section next to the suites, about 10 rows from the top. Best view I've ever had there. You could see everything in one, through the short chute, through two, down the backstretch and into three, and then you could see all of four as well. Plus with the video board right across from you, you didn't miss anything. It was a 35 minute hike from Peggy's house to our seats. She lives two blocks from the Speedway. Yet another reason to love Indy: you work the booze off.
Jimmie Johnson was booed pretty good, as were the Busch boys. But the stunner was the very loud booing of Tony Stewart. Last year, you had people sticking around for 4 hours afterwards to celebrate his win. (Like me, for instance). He's the hometown kid. This year, he got the second loudest negative response, behind only Kyle Busch. Shocking turnaround of events in twelve months.
But it wasn't the biggest shocker of the day, not even close. The pictures will prove it: I spotted a Joe Nemechek t-shirt on an actual living, breathing person. And he was wearing a Nemechek hat too! I damned near spat out my beer when I saw the guy take his seat a couple rows in front of me. Who knew, Nemechek actually has fans that aren't related to him. At least, I'm assuming this guy isn't related to him, he wasn't fat and goofy looking.
For people who say NASCAR has no diversity ... some chick from Destiny's Child did the anthem. So at least one minority was there yesterday! Plus they had a lovely "African Americans History in the 500" display at the Museum. There have been 2 black drivers in the race. In 90 years of running it. See, diversity!
Mari Hulman George looked bad. I mean, she's old as dirt anyways, but she looked like she aged another 5 years since May. She was visibly struggling with the command. Then again, I was "visibly struggling" to stand upright, so maybe it was just me.
The highlight of the race had to be lap 7, the one and only lap Kasey led! Well, not really, there were plenty of highlights, but hey, at least he led a lap!
Gordon's sway bar deal ... man, talk about bad luck. I was glad he managed to get back on the lead lap.
Which reminds me: the NBC guys have got to be the absolute most sh*ttiest trio of commentators ever. Wally called Jeff Burton "Ward" at least 5 times by my count. Wally, Ward hasn't run in two years. Come on. And Weber couldn't figure out why Gordon didn't line up to the outside of the leader on a couple restarts. Bill ... when you get the lucky dog, you go to the back of the longest line! If my drunk a** can figure this stuff out, what the hell is wrong with the trained professionals who are, you know, paid to know this stuff?
The absolute worst though was Weber down the stretch. He actually said Jimmie Johnson was "3 miles" from victory with 2 to go. (steve screaming at the scanner voice) Indy is a 2 1/2 mile track! There's two laps left! That's 5 miles! If he'd done it once, I'd be ok with it, but he did it again with one to go, saying "1 1/2 miles to the checkered!" Really, just utter incompetence. My drunken podcast idea cannot be worse than NBC / TNT's NASCAR guys. It just can't. It's not possible. I could be passed out, snoring, and drooling, and I'd still know more in that state of mind than Bill Weber and Wally Dallenbach put together.
The last 13, 14 laps of that race were just incredible. At Kansas, Earnhardt or Busch wins the race. You give them a 20 car length lead with 12 to go, there isn't enough time to catch up. At Indy, with no banking, an extra mile on each lap, Johnson and the rest of the pack caught them in 5 laps. Just amazing.
Funniest line of the day, with about 4 to go: (mark martin) if they throw a f*cking caution, I'm hunting (Mike) Helton down. There ain't any sh*t (debris) out here".
Second funniest line of the day, courtesy of Peggy, with about 6 to go: "Who do you (meaning me) cheer for? Do you even cheer for someone?", when the top 3 were Kyle Busch, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Jimmie Johnson. That's like a Super Bowl pitting the broncos against the Raiders, you just root for the terrorists to strike.
Johnson had the best car, without question. I really don't get it, how he manages to blow a tire, barely roll back to the pits, then catches his freaking pit stall on fire ... yet he never goes a lap down, and emerges with a far better car than he came in with. I swear, Chad Knaus is the greatest crew chief ever not named Ray Evernham. Greatest cheater too, but good God, every week that guy finds a new way to take a bottom 10 car and post a 6th place finish. Smart move to resign him through 2010; if I was Toyota, I would have thrown every penny in the bank at him for Vickers next year.
I haven't seen Kasey's wreck, so I can't comment on it. I read that he said he got loose, so its not like I can blame anyone, except NASCAR for not throwing a caution when Riggs and Gordon and Biffle wrecked in turn one half a lap before Kasey did in 3/4. But hey, he's got some kind of new vitamin water deal that he is the spokesdude for now, that's neat! I have to start buying that stuff. Great billboard of it too near the Speedway.
Post race: so we stumble back to Peggy's. We're sitting around, finishing off some Bud Light, waiting for the traffic to die out to head home. Across the street, its pretty much party central, they've got the washers going, boombox blaring, alcohol flowing, good times had by all. Then, it happens. This chick over there, not shabby looking, starts yelling at a car that's stuck in traffic in the street. This chick is wearing a pink top and soccer shorts. I had no complaints. Anyways, you start hearing "b*tch" and "f*cker" being yelled at the top of her lungs. Then she hops up in a pickup truck bed, starts shaking her a** for the neighborhood to see ... and the chick she's yelling at hops out of her car, rushes over, and they start screaming at each other.
Tons of obsenities are flying. By now, we're all out of our seats, walking towards them, ready with anticipation. Sadly, the situation calms down when traffic moves a little, so chick #2 (who was in a nice white bikini top and very tight, short Dale Earnhardt Jr shorts, very nice) hops back in her car and begins to drive off. Chick #1 drops the "f*cking wh*re" blast though as chick #2 is leaving ... and its on like Donkey Kong. Chick #2 slams on the breaks, comes hauling out, and bam! Its a brawl! They throw down for a solid 30 seconds before the guys over there can break it up. Still, just awesome stuff. Its not every day you're sitting in the driveway, enjoying a cold one, just about ready to pass out ... and a chick-on-chick fight breaks out across the street.
Just an awesome, awesome weekend. I'm sunburnt from the waist up, I'm tired, I'm probably still above the legal intoxication limit in 50 states and the District ... but man, I love that place. The last Sunday in May can't get here soon enough. Especially since the 500 will be unified this year!!! Finally!!! After 12 long years, ChampCar comes back to Indy!!! Assuming there's anyone left in ChampCar who doesn't bolt for NASCAR to make the unified race worth it ...
concert "review": Snoop and 311
I first saw Snoop Dogg four years ago during the Projekt Revolution tour. Someday I'll have to recap that concert. Partly because I still remember just about every detail like it was yesterday, but also because it was both the best concert I've ever seen ... and one of the saddest weeks of my life. Can't say I've ever had an experience quite like it, going from the elation of seeing three amazing bands / acts perform ... to disappearing and breaking down crying in the bathroom for 20 minutes in regards to everything going on in life at that point. Crazy stuff.
I first saw 311 many years ago, almost 11 to be exact, in December of 97 in Dallas. The only sad thing in my life at that time, was nearly blowing my scholarship because I couldn't stop playing 007. And if you're my age, or anywhere close to it, you're nodding your head in agreement over the awesomeness that was the original 007.
But the two of them, together? Its a no brainer. Pack up the Blazer, send the kids to grandma's, we're going streakin'! I mean, we're going to a concert!
Here we go:
* the night before the show, I came up with the inspired idea to make jello shots. So I bought the vodka, bought the jello ... only, I quickly realized two things. (1) they didn't have the individual cups at the ghetto Apple Market I shop at, and (2) the only time in my life I'd ever tried to make jello, I failed. Seriously. ("arthur" theme voice) I know its crazy, but its true.
The answer: inspired from our 4th of July bash at the pool. Instead of shots, make trays. So, I made up 3 jello trays, one blue, one green, one orange. Smart thinking if you ask me. And when I'm thinkin', I'm usually drinkin'. Which led to inspired idea numero dos ...
* brownies! To be fair, it was "Swingtown" that really inspired this idea, with Trina lacing Janet's brownies in that week's episode. Because the only time I'd ever had the happy brownies, I was knocked out cold for two days, Dusty made them way too strong. This time, I "supervised" the making of them. Much better.
(note: in his defense, Dusty making brownies is like me making jello trays. I have a much, much higher tolerance than most people do. If I ever recap Float Trip 08, you'll see just how amazing my tolerance level apparently is. OK, back to the point, which is, you can be assured, it takes a lot of alcohol to affect me. Dusty's the same way with the happy stuff. But still, those brownies from January were ridiculously potent. OK, back to the review ...)
* had Dusty drive us to work on concert day, under the "if I didn't drive, I have to leave when he does" theory that sometimes works. (Once my boss figured out I have two co-workers who pass where I live on the way home, this theory kind of got blown up. But it still works on occasion). Worked with great success on this day, as we left at 11:30, off to pick up "former girlfriend" and get this thing started.
* picked up "Dusty's former girlfriend", dropped her off at her folks to get a car, and she went off to buy the so-called "essentials" (aka bread, meat, chips). Oh, and the real essentials, beer and booze.
* Come about 3pm, we were ready. 30 Coors Lights, 30 Bud Selects, 3 trays of jello goodness, a tray of brownies, and the alleged "essentials" to eat. Throw in the washer boxes, a football and some chairs, and away we went.
* picked up Chris about 3:30, which only added to the beer supply ... and 15 minutes later, we arrive at Sandstone to start tailgating. The weather conditions were nearly a perfect Steve day. It was hot as hell, it was humid as hell, the sun was shining ... but the alleged "spotty showers" we'd been warned about were headed right for us.
* after about a half hour of sitting around doing what some of us do best (sit in the sun and drink), said "spotty shower" arrived. A solid 10, 15 minute downpour. Few things feel better in really hot, sticky weather than a relatively quick rain shower. Most folks headed for the car. Me and Dusty just hung out on the back of the Blazer enjoying a jello "tray".
* one cool idea of many that they have at Sandstone this year (and thank God its back to being "Sandstone", instead of the ridiculousness that was Verizon Wireless Ampitheater), is that if you carpool, you park for free. Anytime "park for free" is involved, I can find a way to squeeze 4 people into the Blazer. Too bad the Chiefs don't pick up on this whole "go green" idea ...
* at 5, they finally open the gates. We initially park right next to the port-a-potties, because that's what smart people do. Sadly, the parking nazis at Sandstone are every bit the arrogant a-holes that they are at Arrowhead, so we had to move to the front. But that's ok. It just made for a 3 minute walk to pee, instead of 3 seconds.
* its not officially a summer tailgate until I'm tossing washers, shirt nowhere to be found, with a Coors Light in hand. Mission accomplished at 5:15pm.
* Brent and his girl finally arrived around 5:30. We convinced said parking nazis to let us reserve a spot for him. I truly don't get the logic. Saving spots when others are trying to pull into the spot, is ok. Parking 3 rows back, out of the way of everyone, to be closer to the john is not ok.
* After a couple solid hours of tailgating, washer tossing, drinking, jello tray eating, and brownie goodness, Brent and his girl (I know her name is Megan but I'm not sure how to spell it, that, and the other Megan there that night is no longer in the picture so I'm trying not to use the word Megan, whoops there I go again, I'm trying not to use "that name"), anyways, after a couple hours of fun, Brent and his girl head in to catch the opening act, Fiction Plane. Me? If I wanted to see anything affiliated with Sting, I'd have paid $200 to see the real deal in Omaha this spring.
* After letting randoms take over the washer game, and after finishing off the last of the jello trays, its finally time to head in. We toss on some t-shirts, pack up the car, and away we go.
* Yet another thing I like about the "new" Sandstone: they did away with the lower level of seats. Its now a gigantic GA / mosh pit. I'm sure it looks awesome from the stage. It looked awesome from our seats.
* Snoop takes the stage about 8:30, 8:40. Its about what you'd expect. The smoke coming from the audience just about matched the smoke coming from the stage.
* I freely admit, I am not a fan of 99% of rap music. As I often point out, "you can't spell crap without rap". But really, is there any more anticipated moment at any concert, anywhere, than when you hear the sound of the dude taking a whiz, then the "wha?", followed by the low beats signaling the start of "Gin and Juice"?
* Free beer numero uno arrives! From Dusty's ex. See, she was good for something. A lot of somethings actually. I'll miss her. Good luck in your life, "former girlfriend". You deserve it. (Yes, I had a major crush on her. Thankfully it never rose to Chandler and Joey type levels, because I'm not sure I could have lasted in a box ...)
* About 9:50, 311 takes the stage. Brent and his girl have moved down into seats by us, again, smart thinkin' on someone's part. Probably not mine. Actually I know it wasn't mine, it was Brent's. But still, smart thinkin'. And when smart thinkin' is involved, someone's probably drinkin'. But, the move leads to free beer numero dos! Courtesy of Brent or his girl. Either way, I'm not turning down a free, frosty cold Budweiser.
* We arrived with two Swisher packs of, uuh, cigars, which I believe is a total of 10. We left with 2. Sign number 1054 that you've had a good time ...
* We lost Chris for a while, he went off wandering somewhere. After about 20 minutes, Dusty and I were like "how the hell are we gonna find him?" Thankfully he stumbled back before we left. But for a moment there, it was touch and go.
* the only moment of the concert that "sucked" for me: "Love Song". Seeing happy, booze and "happy" filled couples dancing, swaying, doing other happy things together to an amazing song, it just reinforced the fact that I so need a girlfriend ... or at least a friend with benefits ...
* We didn't stick around for the very end. The "encore" started about 11:15. Come 11:45, it was still going. Call me crazy, but when I have to work the next morning, I'm almost a 30 pack in, plus brownies, plus jello trays, plus whatever the hell I inhaled at the show ... its time to call it a night. I know, I know: I'm getting old. Man, the Byrds were so wrong. (byrds voice) I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now! Yeah, not happening in my case ...
* In what has to be a first, on any level, since I reached the legal age for enjoying alcohol ... the keys were handed back to me. Because I was in the best shape to drive. (brian griffin voice) what the hell? (gregg voice) oh my god. (brent voice) oh my god. (my folks voice) oh my god.
* Dusty and "former girlfriend" passed out in the back seat. I dropped Chris off to get his car, then it was off for home. Which we got to about 12:15.
All in all, a solid show. Snoop probably went too short, and 311 probably went too long, but you know what, I'll take it. Anytime you can blow off an afternoon of work to tailgate, enjoy two quality music acts, and take it in with good friends, its a winner of a day. Can't wait to do it again in 3 weeks at Linkin Park!
I first saw 311 many years ago, almost 11 to be exact, in December of 97 in Dallas. The only sad thing in my life at that time, was nearly blowing my scholarship because I couldn't stop playing 007. And if you're my age, or anywhere close to it, you're nodding your head in agreement over the awesomeness that was the original 007.
But the two of them, together? Its a no brainer. Pack up the Blazer, send the kids to grandma's, we're going streakin'! I mean, we're going to a concert!
Here we go:
* the night before the show, I came up with the inspired idea to make jello shots. So I bought the vodka, bought the jello ... only, I quickly realized two things. (1) they didn't have the individual cups at the ghetto Apple Market I shop at, and (2) the only time in my life I'd ever tried to make jello, I failed. Seriously. ("arthur" theme voice) I know its crazy, but its true.
The answer: inspired from our 4th of July bash at the pool. Instead of shots, make trays. So, I made up 3 jello trays, one blue, one green, one orange. Smart thinking if you ask me. And when I'm thinkin', I'm usually drinkin'. Which led to inspired idea numero dos ...
* brownies! To be fair, it was "Swingtown" that really inspired this idea, with Trina lacing Janet's brownies in that week's episode. Because the only time I'd ever had the happy brownies, I was knocked out cold for two days, Dusty made them way too strong. This time, I "supervised" the making of them. Much better.
(note: in his defense, Dusty making brownies is like me making jello trays. I have a much, much higher tolerance than most people do. If I ever recap Float Trip 08, you'll see just how amazing my tolerance level apparently is. OK, back to the point, which is, you can be assured, it takes a lot of alcohol to affect me. Dusty's the same way with the happy stuff. But still, those brownies from January were ridiculously potent. OK, back to the review ...)
* had Dusty drive us to work on concert day, under the "if I didn't drive, I have to leave when he does" theory that sometimes works. (Once my boss figured out I have two co-workers who pass where I live on the way home, this theory kind of got blown up. But it still works on occasion). Worked with great success on this day, as we left at 11:30, off to pick up "former girlfriend" and get this thing started.
* picked up "Dusty's former girlfriend", dropped her off at her folks to get a car, and she went off to buy the so-called "essentials" (aka bread, meat, chips). Oh, and the real essentials, beer and booze.
* Come about 3pm, we were ready. 30 Coors Lights, 30 Bud Selects, 3 trays of jello goodness, a tray of brownies, and the alleged "essentials" to eat. Throw in the washer boxes, a football and some chairs, and away we went.
* picked up Chris about 3:30, which only added to the beer supply ... and 15 minutes later, we arrive at Sandstone to start tailgating. The weather conditions were nearly a perfect Steve day. It was hot as hell, it was humid as hell, the sun was shining ... but the alleged "spotty showers" we'd been warned about were headed right for us.
* after about a half hour of sitting around doing what some of us do best (sit in the sun and drink), said "spotty shower" arrived. A solid 10, 15 minute downpour. Few things feel better in really hot, sticky weather than a relatively quick rain shower. Most folks headed for the car. Me and Dusty just hung out on the back of the Blazer enjoying a jello "tray".
* one cool idea of many that they have at Sandstone this year (and thank God its back to being "Sandstone", instead of the ridiculousness that was Verizon Wireless Ampitheater), is that if you carpool, you park for free. Anytime "park for free" is involved, I can find a way to squeeze 4 people into the Blazer. Too bad the Chiefs don't pick up on this whole "go green" idea ...
* at 5, they finally open the gates. We initially park right next to the port-a-potties, because that's what smart people do. Sadly, the parking nazis at Sandstone are every bit the arrogant a-holes that they are at Arrowhead, so we had to move to the front. But that's ok. It just made for a 3 minute walk to pee, instead of 3 seconds.
* its not officially a summer tailgate until I'm tossing washers, shirt nowhere to be found, with a Coors Light in hand. Mission accomplished at 5:15pm.
* Brent and his girl finally arrived around 5:30. We convinced said parking nazis to let us reserve a spot for him. I truly don't get the logic. Saving spots when others are trying to pull into the spot, is ok. Parking 3 rows back, out of the way of everyone, to be closer to the john is not ok.
* After a couple solid hours of tailgating, washer tossing, drinking, jello tray eating, and brownie goodness, Brent and his girl (I know her name is Megan but I'm not sure how to spell it, that, and the other Megan there that night is no longer in the picture so I'm trying not to use the word Megan, whoops there I go again, I'm trying not to use "that name"), anyways, after a couple hours of fun, Brent and his girl head in to catch the opening act, Fiction Plane. Me? If I wanted to see anything affiliated with Sting, I'd have paid $200 to see the real deal in Omaha this spring.
* After letting randoms take over the washer game, and after finishing off the last of the jello trays, its finally time to head in. We toss on some t-shirts, pack up the car, and away we go.
* Yet another thing I like about the "new" Sandstone: they did away with the lower level of seats. Its now a gigantic GA / mosh pit. I'm sure it looks awesome from the stage. It looked awesome from our seats.
* Snoop takes the stage about 8:30, 8:40. Its about what you'd expect. The smoke coming from the audience just about matched the smoke coming from the stage.
* I freely admit, I am not a fan of 99% of rap music. As I often point out, "you can't spell crap without rap". But really, is there any more anticipated moment at any concert, anywhere, than when you hear the sound of the dude taking a whiz, then the "wha?", followed by the low beats signaling the start of "Gin and Juice"?
* Free beer numero uno arrives! From Dusty's ex. See, she was good for something. A lot of somethings actually. I'll miss her. Good luck in your life, "former girlfriend". You deserve it. (Yes, I had a major crush on her. Thankfully it never rose to Chandler and Joey type levels, because I'm not sure I could have lasted in a box ...)
* About 9:50, 311 takes the stage. Brent and his girl have moved down into seats by us, again, smart thinkin' on someone's part. Probably not mine. Actually I know it wasn't mine, it was Brent's. But still, smart thinkin'. And when smart thinkin' is involved, someone's probably drinkin'. But, the move leads to free beer numero dos! Courtesy of Brent or his girl. Either way, I'm not turning down a free, frosty cold Budweiser.
* We arrived with two Swisher packs of, uuh, cigars, which I believe is a total of 10. We left with 2. Sign number 1054 that you've had a good time ...
* We lost Chris for a while, he went off wandering somewhere. After about 20 minutes, Dusty and I were like "how the hell are we gonna find him?" Thankfully he stumbled back before we left. But for a moment there, it was touch and go.
* the only moment of the concert that "sucked" for me: "Love Song". Seeing happy, booze and "happy" filled couples dancing, swaying, doing other happy things together to an amazing song, it just reinforced the fact that I so need a girlfriend ... or at least a friend with benefits ...
* We didn't stick around for the very end. The "encore" started about 11:15. Come 11:45, it was still going. Call me crazy, but when I have to work the next morning, I'm almost a 30 pack in, plus brownies, plus jello trays, plus whatever the hell I inhaled at the show ... its time to call it a night. I know, I know: I'm getting old. Man, the Byrds were so wrong. (byrds voice) I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now! Yeah, not happening in my case ...
* In what has to be a first, on any level, since I reached the legal age for enjoying alcohol ... the keys were handed back to me. Because I was in the best shape to drive. (brian griffin voice) what the hell? (gregg voice) oh my god. (brent voice) oh my god. (my folks voice) oh my god.
* Dusty and "former girlfriend" passed out in the back seat. I dropped Chris off to get his car, then it was off for home. Which we got to about 12:15.
All in all, a solid show. Snoop probably went too short, and 311 probably went too long, but you know what, I'll take it. Anytime you can blow off an afternoon of work to tailgate, enjoy two quality music acts, and take it in with good friends, its a winner of a day. Can't wait to do it again in 3 weeks at Linkin Park!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
the ultimate steve quiz
I figured, for my first real post on the new site ... that I'd open up a bit about myself.
20 questions. All multiple guess. Some of these are so easy, my 5 month old nephew can get them right. Some of them, I'm not sure anyone will get.
If you care to play along, you can email your response to skostus@kc.rr.com and I'll let you know your score and what the answers are. If I get enough responses, I might throw in a valuable prize to the "winner".
Here we go!
Question 1: Name my favorite season.
a. winter
b. spring
c. summer
d. fall
Question 2: Name my favorite golf course.
a. Shinnecock Hills, Long Island NY
b. Augusta National, Augusta GA
c. Olympic Club, San Francisco CA
d. Colonial Country Club, Fort Worth TX
Question 3: I have never attended a postseason game in which major sport?
a. MLB
b. NFL
c. NBA
d. NHL
Question 4: Name my favorite fast food establishment.
a. Taco Bell
b. Taco Bueno
c. Taco Cabana
d. Taco John's
Question 5: Identify the ex-Royals player who, upon meeting him, I informed him that I thought he was "the son of a bitch we traded David Cone for".
a. Bill Pecota
b. Kurt Stillwell
c. Ed Hearn
d. Dane Iorg
Question 6: Name my favorite frosty cold adult beverage.
a. Boulevard Bully Porter
b. Lakefront Brewery Cattail Ale
c. Rolling Rock
d. Shiner Bock
Question 7: Name my favorite TV show of all time.
a. "The West Wing"
b. "NYPD Blue"
c. "The Practice"
d. "The Sopranos"
Question 8: Name my favorite Chiefs player of all time.
a. Derrick Thomas
b. Joe Delaney
c. Christian Okoye
d. Bennie Sapp
Question 9: I have never voted for which Presidential candidate?
a. Bill Clinton
b. Al Gore
c. George W Bush
d. John Kerry
Question 10: Which game did I NOT wind up getting beat up / assaulted / dumped on by the other team's fans at?
a. Chiefs at Bengals, week 11 2003.
b. Chiefs at Vikings, week 16 2003.
c. Jets at Chiefs, week 1 2005.
d. Chiefs at Cowboys, week 14 2005.
Question 11: Name my favorite movie of all time.
a. "Saturday Night Fever"
b. "Roger and Me"
c. "The Devil's Advocate"
d. "Greedy"
Question 12: Who is the player in the Ring of Honor whose name I sit under at Arrowhead?
a. 65 EJ Holib
b. 14 Jerrel Wilson
c. 35 Christian Okoye
d. 16 Len Dawson
Question 13: In my "night that will live in infamy" from February 2001, I did NOT sleep with which of the following?
a. a stripper
b. a crippled chick
c. a 250 lb plus chick
d. a chick with a mustache
Question 14: What do I consider to be Gregg's finest players entrance moment?
a. after asking Cris Carter "Where's the Ring, Cris?" vs Vikings, week 13 1999, Carter was so enraged he nearly charged up the hill to deck Gregg.
b. not only yelling "Sweet Jesus, its Ed Hochuli!" and getting the "is that a problem?" response ... getting Ed to come back out and sign autographs and pose for photos with his biggest "fans".
c. calling denver broncos owner patrick j. bowlen a "classless jackass" to his face.
d. so enraging HOF WR fred biletnikof that fred started screaming "F*ck you! F*ck you!" as he lit his cigarette for the walk in.
Question 15: Name my favorite song of all time.
a. "Second Place Victory" by This Day and Age
b. "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace
c. "Perfect Memory" by Remy Zero
d. "Work" by Jimmy Eat World
Question 16: Name my favorite Chiefs play of all time.
a. "Pete Stoyanovich ... Pete Stoyanovich for President!" Stoyanovich from 54 to beat the broncos 24-22, week 12 1997.
b. "Holmes skips merrily in for the touchdown! My oh my Priest Holmes!" Holmes 21 yd TD pass reception beats Jets 29-25, week 5 2002.
c. "Vanover is almost gone and now he is ... officially gone! No flags!" Vanover OT punt return beats Chargers 23-17, week 6 1995.
d. "After reviewing the play, the runner did not reach the 48 yard line (crowd going ape sh*t ...)" a play I call "The Stand", a 4th and 1 hold vs denver to preserve a 31-27 win, week 14 2005.
Question 17: My favorite concert I have ever attended is?
a. Dave Matthews, Sandstone, June 2006.
b. Projekt Revolution, Sandstone, August 2004.
c. Ben Harper, Starlight, August 2006.
d. Full Feature, Yacht Club, Winter 2001.
Question 18: I am a Democrat primarily for social stances. However, there is one social issue that I disagree with my party on. That issue is ...
a. the death penalty
b. abortion
c. environmental concerns
d. gay marriage
Question 19:(for fans of the old site) Name the "Steve Pederson of Tailgating".
a. Ashley
b. Megan
c. Tara
d. Margo
Question 20: I've really been loving "Swingtown" this summer. Mainly because I love the social dynamics of that era ... and I love the soundtrack. I've literally spent nearly $50 on ITunes already downloading stuff off the show. But my favorite track downloaded so far is?
a. "One Toke Over the Line (Sweet Jesus)" by Brewer and Shipley
b. "Love Will Find a Way" by Pablo Cruise
c. "Higher and Higher (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me)" by Rita Coolidge
d. "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers
And a bonus (you're on your own here):
I graduated from college on Saturday, December 19, 1998. As Chancellor Ferrari noted in his speech, that was a day that "we all will remember for the rest of our lives". However, he was NOT referring to our graduation. What nearly unprecedented and historic event in United States history occurred that morning?
Again, you can send your answers to skostus@kc.rr.com. Or just guess, hell I don't care. This is out there for fun.
But if I was to make a wager, I'd say Gregg gets 14/20, Brent gets 11/20, and Heath breaks even in the 9/10 out of 20 range. And everyone gets the bonus if you just think about it ...
20 questions. All multiple guess. Some of these are so easy, my 5 month old nephew can get them right. Some of them, I'm not sure anyone will get.
If you care to play along, you can email your response to skostus@kc.rr.com and I'll let you know your score and what the answers are. If I get enough responses, I might throw in a valuable prize to the "winner".
Here we go!
Question 1: Name my favorite season.
a. winter
b. spring
c. summer
d. fall
Question 2: Name my favorite golf course.
a. Shinnecock Hills, Long Island NY
b. Augusta National, Augusta GA
c. Olympic Club, San Francisco CA
d. Colonial Country Club, Fort Worth TX
Question 3: I have never attended a postseason game in which major sport?
a. MLB
b. NFL
c. NBA
d. NHL
Question 4: Name my favorite fast food establishment.
a. Taco Bell
b. Taco Bueno
c. Taco Cabana
d. Taco John's
Question 5: Identify the ex-Royals player who, upon meeting him, I informed him that I thought he was "the son of a bitch we traded David Cone for".
a. Bill Pecota
b. Kurt Stillwell
c. Ed Hearn
d. Dane Iorg
Question 6: Name my favorite frosty cold adult beverage.
a. Boulevard Bully Porter
b. Lakefront Brewery Cattail Ale
c. Rolling Rock
d. Shiner Bock
Question 7: Name my favorite TV show of all time.
a. "The West Wing"
b. "NYPD Blue"
c. "The Practice"
d. "The Sopranos"
Question 8: Name my favorite Chiefs player of all time.
a. Derrick Thomas
b. Joe Delaney
c. Christian Okoye
d. Bennie Sapp
Question 9: I have never voted for which Presidential candidate?
a. Bill Clinton
b. Al Gore
c. George W Bush
d. John Kerry
Question 10: Which game did I NOT wind up getting beat up / assaulted / dumped on by the other team's fans at?
a. Chiefs at Bengals, week 11 2003.
b. Chiefs at Vikings, week 16 2003.
c. Jets at Chiefs, week 1 2005.
d. Chiefs at Cowboys, week 14 2005.
Question 11: Name my favorite movie of all time.
a. "Saturday Night Fever"
b. "Roger and Me"
c. "The Devil's Advocate"
d. "Greedy"
Question 12: Who is the player in the Ring of Honor whose name I sit under at Arrowhead?
a. 65 EJ Holib
b. 14 Jerrel Wilson
c. 35 Christian Okoye
d. 16 Len Dawson
Question 13: In my "night that will live in infamy" from February 2001, I did NOT sleep with which of the following?
a. a stripper
b. a crippled chick
c. a 250 lb plus chick
d. a chick with a mustache
Question 14: What do I consider to be Gregg's finest players entrance moment?
a. after asking Cris Carter "Where's the Ring, Cris?" vs Vikings, week 13 1999, Carter was so enraged he nearly charged up the hill to deck Gregg.
b. not only yelling "Sweet Jesus, its Ed Hochuli!" and getting the "is that a problem?" response ... getting Ed to come back out and sign autographs and pose for photos with his biggest "fans".
c. calling denver broncos owner patrick j. bowlen a "classless jackass" to his face.
d. so enraging HOF WR fred biletnikof that fred started screaming "F*ck you! F*ck you!" as he lit his cigarette for the walk in.
Question 15: Name my favorite song of all time.
a. "Second Place Victory" by This Day and Age
b. "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace
c. "Perfect Memory" by Remy Zero
d. "Work" by Jimmy Eat World
Question 16: Name my favorite Chiefs play of all time.
a. "Pete Stoyanovich ... Pete Stoyanovich for President!" Stoyanovich from 54 to beat the broncos 24-22, week 12 1997.
b. "Holmes skips merrily in for the touchdown! My oh my Priest Holmes!" Holmes 21 yd TD pass reception beats Jets 29-25, week 5 2002.
c. "Vanover is almost gone and now he is ... officially gone! No flags!" Vanover OT punt return beats Chargers 23-17, week 6 1995.
d. "After reviewing the play, the runner did not reach the 48 yard line (crowd going ape sh*t ...)" a play I call "The Stand", a 4th and 1 hold vs denver to preserve a 31-27 win, week 14 2005.
Question 17: My favorite concert I have ever attended is?
a. Dave Matthews, Sandstone, June 2006.
b. Projekt Revolution, Sandstone, August 2004.
c. Ben Harper, Starlight, August 2006.
d. Full Feature, Yacht Club, Winter 2001.
Question 18: I am a Democrat primarily for social stances. However, there is one social issue that I disagree with my party on. That issue is ...
a. the death penalty
b. abortion
c. environmental concerns
d. gay marriage
Question 19:(for fans of the old site) Name the "Steve Pederson of Tailgating".
a. Ashley
b. Megan
c. Tara
d. Margo
Question 20: I've really been loving "Swingtown" this summer. Mainly because I love the social dynamics of that era ... and I love the soundtrack. I've literally spent nearly $50 on ITunes already downloading stuff off the show. But my favorite track downloaded so far is?
a. "One Toke Over the Line (Sweet Jesus)" by Brewer and Shipley
b. "Love Will Find a Way" by Pablo Cruise
c. "Higher and Higher (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me)" by Rita Coolidge
d. "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers
And a bonus (you're on your own here):
I graduated from college on Saturday, December 19, 1998. As Chancellor Ferrari noted in his speech, that was a day that "we all will remember for the rest of our lives". However, he was NOT referring to our graduation. What nearly unprecedented and historic event in United States history occurred that morning?
Again, you can send your answers to skostus@kc.rr.com. Or just guess, hell I don't care. This is out there for fun.
But if I was to make a wager, I'd say Gregg gets 14/20, Brent gets 11/20, and Heath breaks even in the 9/10 out of 20 range. And everyone gets the bonus if you just think about it ...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
old: a weekend in milwaukee
I hope to add pictures later tonight. But since I finished the recap, up it goes.
From the moment I found out my cousin was getting married ... in Milwaukee ... on the first Saturday in January, I have looked for a way out of going.
See, Milwaukee and me, in January? That's bad news. From the "No Fooling" department -- I hate the cold. I freaking hate it. Any day below 75, 76 degrees, is almost too cold to be outside in. My ideal, dream, "if only every day could be like this, I'd be a really happy dude" forecast is 105 and sunny during the day, 85 and cloudless at night. I love the heat, the humidity of summer. I live for those days in early and mid August when you wake up sweating. That's my kind of day.
Needless to say, I didn't picture Milwaukee in January as being one of those types of days.
The dilemma then became "how do I get out of this trip"?
My brother got to play the whole "well, my wife's 9 months pregnant so we ain't going" card that I don't have available to me.
The Chiefs' collapse down the stretch robbed me of the whole "sorry, playoff football at Arrowhead" excuse I was counting on.
I don't like to fly. I hate flying. I fly as little as possible. So, of course, I was like "yup, I'm driving up there", hoping the weather would keep me home. Wouldn't you know it. No snow. No rain. And by the end of the weekend, "record highs". (Note: when 47 counts as a "record high", I want no part of said record high. 47 is still too damned cold to be comfortable in).
So, on Thursday January 3rd, I packed up the official Herm's Homie Blazer and took off for Wisconsin. Here's the recap.
* I was planning to leave early Thursday morning, and drive all the way to Milwaukee, stopping only sparingly, so that I could hit the hotel bar in plenty of time for the KU / Virginia Tech bowl game. I didn't get out of the office until nearly 3pm. Meaning I wasn't making it to Milwaukee on Thursday night. (Which also ruined my plans to trek up to Lambeau on Friday morning, stupid work obligations).
* So, after gassing up the car, I was off. I figured I'd make Des Moines and stop for the night, again, giving myself plenty of time to check into a hotel, get dressed down, and hit a bar for the KU game. (Priorities). About 5:45pm, I roll into town, and head for the hotel I stayed at a few years ago when we headed up for the Chiefs / Vikings game. It was a decent room, decent price, and there was a Damon's right across the street. I walk up to the desk and am like "yeah, I need a room". The rest of the exchange:
(front desk lady) ok. Please be advised that our rates for this evening have significantly increased.
(steve) (bemused look) why?
(front desk lady) the caucuses!
(steve) ok. define "significantly increased".
(front desk lady) $139 plus tax.
(steve) (in shock) $139?!?! Uuh, no thanks.
If I'm paying $139 / night, I'm not staying in a 2 star joint. So, across the street to the Holiday Inn I go!
* As I walk into the Holiday Inn (where Damon's is now a Bennigan's), I am approached by 4 middle aged women, professionally dressed, asking if they can be of any assistance to me. I was like "wow, this is so worth $149 / night plus taxes". Turns out, these women were Clinton campaign staffers there to help caucus goers reach their destination. Needless to say, I refused their help.
We also had a nice stare down as I walked past them after I checked in, heading for Bennigan's to watch the game.
* That reminds me, the big rumor up there the next morning was that as Senator Obama prepared to give his victory speech (which kicked serious ass, by the way, Go Obama Go!), his campaign was playing "99 Problems (But the Bitch Ain't One)" by Jay-Z to get the crowd fired up. That's awesome on two fronts. First, that a major Presidential candidate actually knows who Jay-Z is. And secondly, the subtle dig at Senator Clinton. I love it.
* After watching the Jayhawks win the Orange Bowl, and sleeping off a solid $64 tab at Bennigans, I was off to Milwaukee. The drive ... well, it sucked. There is literally nothing worth stopping to see or do between Des Moines and Milwaukee. And yes, I am fully aware that I drove past the Herbert Hoover Presidential Museum. I'm sure, if it is anything like his administration was, that 1/3 of the staffers live in shantytowns on the front lawn.
* Rolled into Milwaukee around 3pm. (I took my sweet ass time getting there). I gotta say, I expected Milwaukee to be a run down, totally blue collar town. Basically a larger scale Peoria. And while I'm sure parts of Milwaukee are like that (as are parts of any decent sized community) ... Milwaukee itself was really, really fun. Miller Park looks amazing from the freeway. I could definitely envision a weekend road trip up there to check it out. They apparently have some week long music fest in the summer, I'd definitely love to check that out.
And I know, I know, coming from me, it only enforces the "yup, Steve's an alky" stereotype ... but any city with a bar, brewery, or both on every freaking street corner, is my kind of town!
* the Hyatt downtown is very nice. At only $99 / night, it was $50 less than my stay in a run down Holiday Inn in West Des Moines. There's something wrong with that picture. The inside of it reminded me of the Luxor in Vegas, in terms of the huge open lobby with floors that get closer as you go up.
* the rehearsal dinner was a couple blocks away on Friday night, at the Rock Bottom Brewery. I was stoked, because I used to love Rock Bottom when they were open here in KC, and of course, given that its my family, you guessed it. Open bar. They had a fish fry, which was really good stuff. Fish fried like chicken strips + free beer + free vodka + not having to drive = look out.
* some of the dinner attendees were heading off to another bar afterwards. I declined to go, on the basis that "its f*cking cold out", and I wasn't going outside more than one more time (for the walk back to the hotel). After heading back up to my room at like 10:30, I was bored. So, why not, let's hit the hotel bar.
Apparently I wasn't the only person with that idea. My cousin Kristin and her boyfriend, and my cousin Jordan and his girlfriend, were already there. So we sat around for a few hours, had a few libations ... ok, a ton of libations ... and before I knew it, its (semisonic voice) closing time. Being the nice guy that I am ... and seeing as how I'm the only one of the group that's gainfully employed (thanks college), I grab the tab. Other than when we all went out after my grandma's wake, I have never picked up a bar tab as large as this one was. And with my grandma's wake, there were like 15 of us, and my dad covered the charge. (Even if he didn't know about it until he got his credit card bill). Good times had by all, that's for damned sure.
* Saturday morning, breakfast with the family across the street at some diner called George Webb. I'd never heard of it. Apparently they're a chain restaurant. They were pretty good actually. Plus dad got the tab. Greatly appreciated after the cost of the previous evening.
* Like an idiot, I'd forgotten to bring my camera ... and a tie ... and a belt. I wasn't about to spring for a camera, but I needed a belt and tie. So after breakfast, me and some relative I'd never met were off to the Grand Avenue Shops a couple blocks away.
OK, call me crazy, but if you want people to come downtown, here's a novel idea: build a decent shopping center with quality shops, and people will come. (You listening Kansas City?) Milwaukee is way too well thought out and planned of a city to ever fly in here KC. I mean, you can walk everywhere, because anything you could possibly want is within 10 blocks of where you're at. What a concept.
* Took the tour of the brewery at 1. If it isn't the best $5 you'll spend in Milwaukee, I'm scared to see what you could better spend $5 on. (a local girl?) You walk in, hand over your $5, and you're given a plastic glass with 4 tokens in it, plus a coupon good at any of 6 local bars for free drinks after you're done at the brewery. Unbelievable.
Anyways, I order the Cattail Ale that I love from Lake Front, and we're off on the tour. First, they take you to where they begin the brewing process. As our tour guide noted, Lake Front brews approximately 80,000 gallons of beer a year. Miller Brewing wastes that in a day. Quality does count, apparently.
The massive vats they handle the fermenting process in, are painted up like Larry, Moe, and Curly. I thought that was creative.
Then, you hit the "Piece de Resistance" numero uno. Bernie the Brewer's chalet from Old County Stadium!!! (With a full service bar underneath it!!!) Seriously, the tour refills your drink at the midpoint, how awesome is that? And how awesome would it be to, like, work in the place with Bernie the Brewer's chalet? (OK, I think it'd be awesome).
After topping off your glass, its off to where they fill the kegs, which is an interesting process ... and then you hit THE highlight of the tour. (And also the last official stop).
You come around the corner to the bottling area. And you notice the shrine to ... Milwaukee's finest. Laverne and Shirley.
As someone who loves 70s sitcoms, I was in heaven. But it gets even better. Because you get a glove to put on a bottle. Then the audio system starts up. And everyone gets to sing along as the conveyor belt starts to move the bottles:
Schlameil! Schlamazel! Hazzenpfeffer Incorporated!
We're Gonna Do It!
Give us any chance, we'll take it!
Give us any rule, we'll break it!
We're gonna make our dreams come true!
Doin' it our way
Nothing's gonna turn us back now!
Straight ahead and on the track now!
We're gonna make our dreams come true!
Doin' it our way
There ain't nothing we won't try --
Never heard the word "impossible"!
This time, there's no stopping us!
We're gonna do it
On your mark! Get set and go now!
Got a dream and we just know now
We're gonna make that dream come true!
And we'll do it our way! Yes our way!
Make all our dreams come true!
And we'll do it our way! Yes our way!
Make all our dreams ... come true! ...
For me and you ...
Really, its like a Kumbaya moment. Its just ... (steve tearing up) dammit, if you can't get pumped up singing the Laverne and Shirley theme song, while you're in a brewery in Milwaukee, swaying with complete strangers and family members, while raising a frosty cold one, then you just don't appreciate how wonderful and special this gift from God called "beer" is.
* After the tour, you guessed it. More drinking. (Gotta use up the chips). Let's just say the sober vs sloshed ratio at the ceremony was not in sober's favor.
* The chapel was quite nice. The ceremony was even nicer, clocked out at 23 minutes start to finish. No cheezy music, no ridiculously long mass, no ridiculous processionals. Walk in, say the vows, exchange the rings, walk out. My kind of ceremony. Because after that, of course, the reception.
* Lake Front Brewery (where the blessed event occurred) is actually misnamed. Its not actually on Lake Michigan, its on whatever the hell the river is that turns downtown into an island. Its like 8 blocks from the lake front. But still, the view is really neat. And the reception was wonderful. It had humor. It had touching moments. It had great speeches, it had funny speeches. It had the groom's mom expressing shock that her son had met a girl. It had memories of Ithica, of upstate New York.
And it had an open bar. (Whew).
* Nothing says "yup, Steve's intoxicated" like me dancing with my mom. Or me dancing period.
* About 10pm, as the reception wound down, it was back to the hotel. And just like the night before, I wasn't done yet. So ... oh yeah, night two at the hotel bar. This time, it was just me, and the Jaguars / Steelers 4th quarter. $55 later, I was staggering back to the room.
* Left Sunday morning and drove the 'rents to the aeropuerto. In a ridiculously blinding fog. There was still a solid 6 inches of snow on the ground ... only it was almost 45 degrees out. So you couldn't see anything from all the fog the snow packs were causing. It was like that all the way into Illinois. It sucked.
* From the "Dodged a Bullet" department: I made a decision entering Illinois that I was setting the cruise at 84 (19 mph over the limit). If I got stopped, so be it, but I was running that thing on 84 until I was stopped ... or reached Iowa, when I'd up it to 89 (still 19 over the limit). Which went really well, until I got to Iowa City, where there were not one, not two, but three freaking highway patrol cars sitting in the median waiting for speeders. Figuring I was, uuh, in trouble, I slammed on the brakes ... and never got stopped. There is no way I was doing anything less than 85 when I flew by these guys, and nobody came after me. After that, feeling invincible, I pushed it up over 90 most of the rest of the way home ... and never passed another cop. I made it home in barely 8 hours, and that accounts for stopping at Applebees for lunch. A trip that Mapquest says should take nearly 9 hours. The lesson? I have no idea, other than maybe living with Dusty has caused me to drive like him now.
* All in all, it was a solid mid-winter vacation. Plenty of booze, plenty of good times, plenty of good people. And I was in Iowa to witness first hand (hopefully) the beginning of the end of Senator Clinton's national political career. So that was neat.
I'd give Milwaukee an A. Even with the cold, the snow, it was one helluva town to visit. I bet it would be awesome to take a trip to in June or July, when you can catch a Dave concert out in Alpine Valley, tailgate the day away at Miller Park, catch a race at the Milwaukee Mile. Somehow, I envision I'll be returning to that fine city, and probably sooner rather than later. Good job Milwaukee. Keep making all those dreams come true ... for me and you ...
From the moment I found out my cousin was getting married ... in Milwaukee ... on the first Saturday in January, I have looked for a way out of going.
See, Milwaukee and me, in January? That's bad news. From the "No Fooling" department -- I hate the cold. I freaking hate it. Any day below 75, 76 degrees, is almost too cold to be outside in. My ideal, dream, "if only every day could be like this, I'd be a really happy dude" forecast is 105 and sunny during the day, 85 and cloudless at night. I love the heat, the humidity of summer. I live for those days in early and mid August when you wake up sweating. That's my kind of day.
Needless to say, I didn't picture Milwaukee in January as being one of those types of days.
The dilemma then became "how do I get out of this trip"?
My brother got to play the whole "well, my wife's 9 months pregnant so we ain't going" card that I don't have available to me.
The Chiefs' collapse down the stretch robbed me of the whole "sorry, playoff football at Arrowhead" excuse I was counting on.
I don't like to fly. I hate flying. I fly as little as possible. So, of course, I was like "yup, I'm driving up there", hoping the weather would keep me home. Wouldn't you know it. No snow. No rain. And by the end of the weekend, "record highs". (Note: when 47 counts as a "record high", I want no part of said record high. 47 is still too damned cold to be comfortable in).
So, on Thursday January 3rd, I packed up the official Herm's Homie Blazer and took off for Wisconsin. Here's the recap.
* I was planning to leave early Thursday morning, and drive all the way to Milwaukee, stopping only sparingly, so that I could hit the hotel bar in plenty of time for the KU / Virginia Tech bowl game. I didn't get out of the office until nearly 3pm. Meaning I wasn't making it to Milwaukee on Thursday night. (Which also ruined my plans to trek up to Lambeau on Friday morning, stupid work obligations).
* So, after gassing up the car, I was off. I figured I'd make Des Moines and stop for the night, again, giving myself plenty of time to check into a hotel, get dressed down, and hit a bar for the KU game. (Priorities). About 5:45pm, I roll into town, and head for the hotel I stayed at a few years ago when we headed up for the Chiefs / Vikings game. It was a decent room, decent price, and there was a Damon's right across the street. I walk up to the desk and am like "yeah, I need a room". The rest of the exchange:
(front desk lady) ok. Please be advised that our rates for this evening have significantly increased.
(steve) (bemused look) why?
(front desk lady) the caucuses!
(steve) ok. define "significantly increased".
(front desk lady) $139 plus tax.
(steve) (in shock) $139?!?! Uuh, no thanks.
If I'm paying $139 / night, I'm not staying in a 2 star joint. So, across the street to the Holiday Inn I go!
* As I walk into the Holiday Inn (where Damon's is now a Bennigan's), I am approached by 4 middle aged women, professionally dressed, asking if they can be of any assistance to me. I was like "wow, this is so worth $149 / night plus taxes". Turns out, these women were Clinton campaign staffers there to help caucus goers reach their destination. Needless to say, I refused their help.
We also had a nice stare down as I walked past them after I checked in, heading for Bennigan's to watch the game.
* That reminds me, the big rumor up there the next morning was that as Senator Obama prepared to give his victory speech (which kicked serious ass, by the way, Go Obama Go!), his campaign was playing "99 Problems (But the Bitch Ain't One)" by Jay-Z to get the crowd fired up. That's awesome on two fronts. First, that a major Presidential candidate actually knows who Jay-Z is. And secondly, the subtle dig at Senator Clinton. I love it.
* After watching the Jayhawks win the Orange Bowl, and sleeping off a solid $64 tab at Bennigans, I was off to Milwaukee. The drive ... well, it sucked. There is literally nothing worth stopping to see or do between Des Moines and Milwaukee. And yes, I am fully aware that I drove past the Herbert Hoover Presidential Museum. I'm sure, if it is anything like his administration was, that 1/3 of the staffers live in shantytowns on the front lawn.
* Rolled into Milwaukee around 3pm. (I took my sweet ass time getting there). I gotta say, I expected Milwaukee to be a run down, totally blue collar town. Basically a larger scale Peoria. And while I'm sure parts of Milwaukee are like that (as are parts of any decent sized community) ... Milwaukee itself was really, really fun. Miller Park looks amazing from the freeway. I could definitely envision a weekend road trip up there to check it out. They apparently have some week long music fest in the summer, I'd definitely love to check that out.
And I know, I know, coming from me, it only enforces the "yup, Steve's an alky" stereotype ... but any city with a bar, brewery, or both on every freaking street corner, is my kind of town!
* the Hyatt downtown is very nice. At only $99 / night, it was $50 less than my stay in a run down Holiday Inn in West Des Moines. There's something wrong with that picture. The inside of it reminded me of the Luxor in Vegas, in terms of the huge open lobby with floors that get closer as you go up.
* the rehearsal dinner was a couple blocks away on Friday night, at the Rock Bottom Brewery. I was stoked, because I used to love Rock Bottom when they were open here in KC, and of course, given that its my family, you guessed it. Open bar. They had a fish fry, which was really good stuff. Fish fried like chicken strips + free beer + free vodka + not having to drive = look out.
* some of the dinner attendees were heading off to another bar afterwards. I declined to go, on the basis that "its f*cking cold out", and I wasn't going outside more than one more time (for the walk back to the hotel). After heading back up to my room at like 10:30, I was bored. So, why not, let's hit the hotel bar.
Apparently I wasn't the only person with that idea. My cousin Kristin and her boyfriend, and my cousin Jordan and his girlfriend, were already there. So we sat around for a few hours, had a few libations ... ok, a ton of libations ... and before I knew it, its (semisonic voice) closing time. Being the nice guy that I am ... and seeing as how I'm the only one of the group that's gainfully employed (thanks college), I grab the tab. Other than when we all went out after my grandma's wake, I have never picked up a bar tab as large as this one was. And with my grandma's wake, there were like 15 of us, and my dad covered the charge. (Even if he didn't know about it until he got his credit card bill). Good times had by all, that's for damned sure.
* Saturday morning, breakfast with the family across the street at some diner called George Webb. I'd never heard of it. Apparently they're a chain restaurant. They were pretty good actually. Plus dad got the tab. Greatly appreciated after the cost of the previous evening.
* Like an idiot, I'd forgotten to bring my camera ... and a tie ... and a belt. I wasn't about to spring for a camera, but I needed a belt and tie. So after breakfast, me and some relative I'd never met were off to the Grand Avenue Shops a couple blocks away.
OK, call me crazy, but if you want people to come downtown, here's a novel idea: build a decent shopping center with quality shops, and people will come. (You listening Kansas City?) Milwaukee is way too well thought out and planned of a city to ever fly in here KC. I mean, you can walk everywhere, because anything you could possibly want is within 10 blocks of where you're at. What a concept.
* Took the tour of the brewery at 1. If it isn't the best $5 you'll spend in Milwaukee, I'm scared to see what you could better spend $5 on. (a local girl?) You walk in, hand over your $5, and you're given a plastic glass with 4 tokens in it, plus a coupon good at any of 6 local bars for free drinks after you're done at the brewery. Unbelievable.
Anyways, I order the Cattail Ale that I love from Lake Front, and we're off on the tour. First, they take you to where they begin the brewing process. As our tour guide noted, Lake Front brews approximately 80,000 gallons of beer a year. Miller Brewing wastes that in a day. Quality does count, apparently.
The massive vats they handle the fermenting process in, are painted up like Larry, Moe, and Curly. I thought that was creative.
Then, you hit the "Piece de Resistance" numero uno. Bernie the Brewer's chalet from Old County Stadium!!! (With a full service bar underneath it!!!) Seriously, the tour refills your drink at the midpoint, how awesome is that? And how awesome would it be to, like, work in the place with Bernie the Brewer's chalet? (OK, I think it'd be awesome).
After topping off your glass, its off to where they fill the kegs, which is an interesting process ... and then you hit THE highlight of the tour. (And also the last official stop).
You come around the corner to the bottling area. And you notice the shrine to ... Milwaukee's finest. Laverne and Shirley.
As someone who loves 70s sitcoms, I was in heaven. But it gets even better. Because you get a glove to put on a bottle. Then the audio system starts up. And everyone gets to sing along as the conveyor belt starts to move the bottles:
Schlameil! Schlamazel! Hazzenpfeffer Incorporated!
We're Gonna Do It!
Give us any chance, we'll take it!
Give us any rule, we'll break it!
We're gonna make our dreams come true!
Doin' it our way
Nothing's gonna turn us back now!
Straight ahead and on the track now!
We're gonna make our dreams come true!
Doin' it our way
There ain't nothing we won't try --
Never heard the word "impossible"!
This time, there's no stopping us!
We're gonna do it
On your mark! Get set and go now!
Got a dream and we just know now
We're gonna make that dream come true!
And we'll do it our way! Yes our way!
Make all our dreams come true!
And we'll do it our way! Yes our way!
Make all our dreams ... come true! ...
For me and you ...
Really, its like a Kumbaya moment. Its just ... (steve tearing up) dammit, if you can't get pumped up singing the Laverne and Shirley theme song, while you're in a brewery in Milwaukee, swaying with complete strangers and family members, while raising a frosty cold one, then you just don't appreciate how wonderful and special this gift from God called "beer" is.
* After the tour, you guessed it. More drinking. (Gotta use up the chips). Let's just say the sober vs sloshed ratio at the ceremony was not in sober's favor.
* The chapel was quite nice. The ceremony was even nicer, clocked out at 23 minutes start to finish. No cheezy music, no ridiculously long mass, no ridiculous processionals. Walk in, say the vows, exchange the rings, walk out. My kind of ceremony. Because after that, of course, the reception.
* Lake Front Brewery (where the blessed event occurred) is actually misnamed. Its not actually on Lake Michigan, its on whatever the hell the river is that turns downtown into an island. Its like 8 blocks from the lake front. But still, the view is really neat. And the reception was wonderful. It had humor. It had touching moments. It had great speeches, it had funny speeches. It had the groom's mom expressing shock that her son had met a girl. It had memories of Ithica, of upstate New York.
And it had an open bar. (Whew).
* Nothing says "yup, Steve's intoxicated" like me dancing with my mom. Or me dancing period.
* About 10pm, as the reception wound down, it was back to the hotel. And just like the night before, I wasn't done yet. So ... oh yeah, night two at the hotel bar. This time, it was just me, and the Jaguars / Steelers 4th quarter. $55 later, I was staggering back to the room.
* Left Sunday morning and drove the 'rents to the aeropuerto. In a ridiculously blinding fog. There was still a solid 6 inches of snow on the ground ... only it was almost 45 degrees out. So you couldn't see anything from all the fog the snow packs were causing. It was like that all the way into Illinois. It sucked.
* From the "Dodged a Bullet" department: I made a decision entering Illinois that I was setting the cruise at 84 (19 mph over the limit). If I got stopped, so be it, but I was running that thing on 84 until I was stopped ... or reached Iowa, when I'd up it to 89 (still 19 over the limit). Which went really well, until I got to Iowa City, where there were not one, not two, but three freaking highway patrol cars sitting in the median waiting for speeders. Figuring I was, uuh, in trouble, I slammed on the brakes ... and never got stopped. There is no way I was doing anything less than 85 when I flew by these guys, and nobody came after me. After that, feeling invincible, I pushed it up over 90 most of the rest of the way home ... and never passed another cop. I made it home in barely 8 hours, and that accounts for stopping at Applebees for lunch. A trip that Mapquest says should take nearly 9 hours. The lesson? I have no idea, other than maybe living with Dusty has caused me to drive like him now.
* All in all, it was a solid mid-winter vacation. Plenty of booze, plenty of good times, plenty of good people. And I was in Iowa to witness first hand (hopefully) the beginning of the end of Senator Clinton's national political career. So that was neat.
I'd give Milwaukee an A. Even with the cold, the snow, it was one helluva town to visit. I bet it would be awesome to take a trip to in June or July, when you can catch a Dave concert out in Alpine Valley, tailgate the day away at Miller Park, catch a race at the Milwaukee Mile. Somehow, I envision I'll be returning to that fine city, and probably sooner rather than later. Good job Milwaukee. Keep making all those dreams come true ... for me and you ...
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