big brother rankings 5.0

13. Annie (13, 13, 6, 5). CBS promises us the Saboteur is coming back tonight. Please, dear Jesus, don’t let it be this chick.

12. Monet (12, 11, 12, 11). CBS promises us the Saboteur is coming back tonight. Please, dear Jesus, don’t let it be this chick.

11. Andrew (11, 12, 13, 8). CBS promises us the Saboteur is coming back tonight. By default, I guess I hope its this chick. What? Yes, he’s a chick! Think about it – he gets up first, he cleans up after everyone’s mess, and he spends half of his day praying, and the other half making everyone else feel bad because they aren’t as good a person as he perceived himself to be. Tell me that’s not signs of a vagina being present.

10. Rachel (9, 6, 11, 9). She is rapidly becoming my most hated “Big Brother” contestant ever. And considering we aren’t even 365 calendar days removed from Chima, that’s saying something. I would never advocate violence against anyone … but if someone wanted to bitch slap this girl, I wouldn’t step in to stop them.

9. Kathy (8, 8, 9, 7). Only Rachel is going to save Kathy from eviction next week. A boring player that brings nothing to the table, other than making you question how she has children, since she is so adamantly opposed to sex of any form apparently.

8. Kristen (6, 5, 4, 2). Your likely evictee tonight. Props to her for refusing to apologize to Rachel after their catfight last week. But major downs to her for making it nearly two weeks with Hayden before anyone figured out they were a showmance. If your ‘mance is so dull that NOBODY in a house full of people can figure out you’re screwing each other, that’s a problem.

7. Brendon (2, 2, 3, 4). He’ll be better once Rachel is gone.

6. Hayden (7, 1, 1, 1). He’ll be better once Kristen is gone.

5. Enzo (10, 7, 2, 6). If I had to wager my life’s savings on any of these folks to win it all right now, this might be the hamster to wager that $2.61 on. Everyone likes him, he’s funny as hell, and isn’t perceived as a threat to ever win a HoH because (a) he’s not athletic, and (b) he’s not mentally strong. I like his odds at this point.

4. Matt (1, 9, 8, 3). A quiet week for the self-described “smartest player to ever play this game”, which is probably a good thing for him. He’s a threat to win HoH if it’s a mental test. He’s an outside threat to win it if its physical (as it probably will be).

3. Lane (5, 10, 10, 10). He’s the dark horse. Like Enzo, he’s well liked, he’s funny, and he’s not as dumb as he’s playing. Unlike Enzo though, he’s a threat to win any physical challenge. At some point, the weaker players will target him.

2. Ragan (4, 4, 5, 13). Wow did I whiff on this guy to start with.

1. Britney (3, 3, 7, 12). Shoots to the top with a week of hilarious comments, playing Rachel like the tool that she is, and playing alliances against each other. Plus she’s genuinely pleasing to look at, that always helps.

A few other quick comments:

* 350,001 was a ton of fun. I hope to post later this week on how it all went down.

* I know I still owe a Floatapalooza 2010 post. Mostly I haven’t written it up because I don’t remember 50% of the weekend, I was that hammered. But also, I have another Floater coming up in a couple weeks, so I might combine the two. Stay tuned.

* Congratulations to the voters of Kansas, who (for once) voted the right choice at the ballot box. Jerry Moran won’t embarrass himself or the state.

* Congrats also to the voters of Jackson County, for kicking Henry Rizzo to the curb. Maybe now we can get a county legislature that actually acts like a legislature, rather than a group of brats sitting around calling each other names.

* Thinking of maybe heading up to St Joe’s for training camp on Saturday. My buddy Brent went last night, and the initial reports are encouraging to say the least. When that guy is getting optimistic …

* Finally, I can’t believe I forgot an obvious rule on Monday. Rule 48: Anytime you are asked to appear as a guest on the “Maury” show, its not going to end well for you.