Do you realize we are less than two weeks away from training
camp getting up and running? That three
weeks from Friday, we’ll be enjoying the first tailgate of the season, for the
preseason home opener*? Yeah, where the
hell did summer go**?!?!?!
(*: I am undecided on attending. On one hand, I’d rather burn a half day PTO
and spend a nice Friday afternoon getting my ass kicked eight ways from Friday
at washers by Dusty. (Which will happen on Thursday this week at the Royals game. The safest bet in life: Dusty -2 1/2 in a game to 15.)
On the other hand,
(gregg voice) ITS PRESEASON!!! There’s a
reason why I’ve made one preseason game in the last five years: they’re utterly
unwatchable. The fact that the NFL
charges FULL PRICE for these exhibitions pisses me off like very little else
does in life.)
(**: speaking of time flying by … do you realize a week from yesterday was this site’s founding? My
little baby’s growing up! I feel a potential retrospective coming up later this week, possibly ...)
So, in recognition of the impending dawn of the season, it’s
time to haul out an annual tradition on this site: the Stevo NFL Coaches Power
Poll!
A few ground rules to explain the ratings, then let’s do
this.
* 1 is Chuck Noll good, 32 is Rich Kotite / Ray Rhodes
awful. (And as always, I consider Chuck
Noll the best NFL head coach of my lifetime.)
* Anyone who appears after Romeo Crennel, is a head coach I
would fire Crennel to hire. Anyone who
appears before Romeo Crennel, is someone I would not fire Crennel to hire.
* First time head coaches tend to rank very low in their
Stevo Coaches Power Poll debut. This
doesn’t mean I don’t think the guy is a good to great coach – it’s a reflection
of the fact that all they are at this point is a POTENTIALLY good to great head
coach. For instance, in the 2007 Power
Poll (sadly no longer available), I ranked Mike Tomlin 17th, and
noted “by next year, you’ll be able to drop the 1” from his ranking. (I was right). Conversely, I also thought Steve Spagnoulo
would be a home run hire for the Rams.
Uum, whoops? (There IS one
first-year head coach though for 2012 that I am VERY high on, because I think
the guy is going to be a huge success.
He might actually rank ahead of Romeo by the time we get there, that’s
how highly I think of the guy …)
* Finally, my feelings about the team do not factor into these
rankings. They never have. This is all about the head coach’s
capabilities.
Prior Year’s NFL Coaches Power Polls:
*due to drunken oversight, there is no 2010 edition.
And now … the 2012 Stevo NFL Coaches Power Poll!!!
32. Pat Shurmur, Cleveland Browns. Put it this way – when you’re hiring Brad
Childress to right the offense enough to save your job come January? It’s over.
Thankfully, the Browns should be in “quit on our coach” mode by the time
the Chiefs roll into Cleveland in mid-December.
31. Joe Philbin, Miami Dolphins. This is the rare first-time head coach I don’t
need to give a year or two to prove himself.
This was a horrible hiring, and when the Dolphins are looking for his
replacement 20 some odd months from now, you heard “this was a horrible hiring”
here 55th.
30. dennis allen, oakland raiders. At least he came to them from denver, where
he turned in a solid year presiding over the defense. I think this guy is in over his head … but
someone able to screw BOTH the unlovable raiders and the abortionable broncos
at the same time? In the words of Sgt.
Rick Hunter, “it works for me!”
29. Mike Mularkey, Jacksonville Jaguars. What in the name of God was Gene Smith
thinking, giving this proven failure a second chance to run a team into the
iceberg? Mularkey was HORRENDOUS in
Buffalo (although his team’s upset of the Chiefs in 2005 cost us a playoff
berth). Mularkey is a perfectly capable
offensive coordinator. He’s a TURRIBLE
head coach, as Jags fan is about to find out firsthand.
28. Leslie Frazier, Minnesota Vikings. I have rarely whiffed on a coach as badly as
I whiffed on Frazier last year. I still
think this guy is going to be a decent head coach. His first year in the full-time gig left a
lot to be desired, however.
27. Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts. Put it this way – Pagano could walk to
midfield, drop trough, and crap on the Colts horseshoe … and he’d STILL be a
better coach than Jim Caldwell. I don’t
hold out much hope for this hire – like Mularkey, I think Pagano is a great
coordinator and a poor hire as the main guy.
But again, after Jim Caldwell, there is NOWHERE to go but up.
26. Norv Turner, San Diego “Super” Chargers. Oh Norv, how I am going to miss you when the
long-overdue canning comes in January.
The Chargers have underachieved at a level over the last five years that
the 1990s Chiefs are making fun of … and you can argue NO team “underachieved”
in the 1990s more than the Chiefs (3-7 playoff record (including 5 “one and
done” appearances), 0 AFC Championships, 0 Super Bowls). Norv is the ULTIMATE “great coordinator,
horrible head coach” in this league. I’d
hire Norv Turner yesterday to coach my offense.
I’d rather be Mike Tyson’s personal punching bag, than have him as my team’s
head coach.
25. Mike Munchak, Tennessee Titans. Solid first year. I’m just not sold on him long-term. And I should NOTE: from this point forward, I
would NOT cancel my season tickets if this guy was my team’s head coach. Remember the years when Ray Rhodes ranked in
the top 10 best coaches in the league, that’s how awful the entire league’s
coaching fraternity was? Damn. These GM’s are getting smarter.
24. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals. Three “one and done” playoff berths in a
decade … but to Lewis’ credit, with one exception (2010), the Bengals have been
in playoff contention every year entering December. Could be a huge year for Lewis, as
expectations are higher and the young talent needs to keep delivering on the
field.
23. Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys. Before you scream at me for ranking a pretty
decent coach 23rd best in the league … just keep reading the
remaining 22 names on this list, and you tell me who you’d put Garrett ahead
of.
22. Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears. Bears were keeping pace (as much as possible
anyways) with the Pack and Lions before Jay Cutler’s season ending injury. If Cutler starts 14 games this year, the
Bears will be a wildcard team. If he
starts 16? Lovie could be making his 3rd
NFC Title Game appearance in 7 years.
21. Ken Whizenhunt, Arizona “Super” Cardinals. Bad couple years in the desert for Whiz and
his boys. 2012 doesn’t look much more
promising. Still, this is a team that
will be in wildcard contention come mid-December (even if on the fringes of it)
with no franchise quarterback, no running game, and an atrocious
secondary. That’s solid coaching, which
is what Whizenhunt is – solid.
20. Jeff Fisher, St. Louis Rams. When the Chiefs were doing their coaching
search this past January, “The Voice of Reason” and I both examined Fisher’s
record in Tennessee extensively (because we were both fine with Fisher as the
hire). Turns out … Fisher’s not as good
as he seems. Only six playoff berths in
six years. He’s lost three times as the
one seed, at home, in their opening playoff game. Basically?
He’s Marty Junior. Which, don’t
get me wrong, I’d be thrilled to have as my team’s head coach. I’m just saying, there’s better options on
the table … one of which I believe we hired.
19. Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans. La de freaking da, the Texans win the South
last year. If Gary Kubiak’s team hadn’t
won the division, he’d go down in history as one of the worst hires in
franchise history. I never would have
given him an extension this offseason, as the Texans did. The Texans should win the AFC South again
this year, and probably for the next 2-3 years to come, unless Jake Locker or
Blaine Gabbert crack their low-ceiling potential. But that doesn’t mean I’m sold on
Kubiak. Not at all.
18. Romeo Crennel, Kansas City Chiefs. Well, let’s focus on the positive – the team
clearly responded to the coaching change last fall, his gameplan against Green
Bay (with virtually no advance notice) was beyond flawless, and the man did win
ten games with Derek Anderson under center with the Browns. And … that’s about it. I am not thrilled with the hire. But I can live with it. Romeo strikes me in many ways as Barry Switzer Junior -- competent enough to not f*ck it up, but incapable of adapting to the slighest deviation of plans for the seasons. Let's hope the 2012 Chiefs make me even more fondly remember the 1995 Cowboys than I already do.
17. Jim Schwartz, Detroit Lions. He’s a solid coach. Solid, not spectacular. Taking the Lions to the playoffs is nothing
short of a lifetime achievement.
16. Rex Ryan, NY Jets.
Two AFC Title Game appearances in his first two seasons, and a
disappointing .500 season last year. He’s
a little too over-the-top for my liking … but there’s no doubt his players love
him and buy in to what he’s selling. And
whatever you think of The Sanchize … you don’t win 4 road playoff games in two
years unless you’re at least semi-competent.
I expect a rebound season out of the Jets, and Coach Rex.
15. Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers. Big second year upcoming for the Panthers,
who many are tabbing as a serious sleeper to not only win the NFC South, but
make some noise in the playoffs. I agree
the NFC’s sleeper is in the South … I just don’t think this is the team.
14. Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints. A huge dip in the rankings for a coach I
like, and have liked, dating back to the late 1990s when he oversaw Jim Fassel’s
offenses in New York, and made Kerry Collins a Pro Bowl / Super Bowl quarterback. Drop is due to a year-long suspension due to
getting caught in BountyGate. If any
coach is in for a surprise firing this January, Payton is one to keep an eye
on, if the Saints manage to win without him.
13. Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks. The man who failed in New York and failed in
New England … has yet to post a winning record in Seattle. Why rank him 13th? Because both his Seahawks teams have
dramatically overachieved, even winning a playoff game in his first season over
a team with twice as many victories (13 to 7) as his team had. I liked how the Seahawks didn’t quit at 2-6
at the midpoint – they won 5 of their last 8 as a sign of things to come. I loved the Matt Flynn signing as well. This is the biggest threat the 49ers face
over the next few years in the NFC West … and to be honest? I think the Seahawks can overtake them, as
soon as this fall.
12. Greg Schiano, Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I’m willing to wager that this is the highest
I’ve ever ranked a first year head coach.
And I’m also willing to wager he’s going to earn this lofty ranking
pretty damned quickly. Look it, the guy
turned Rutgers – RUTGERS!!! – into a legitimate national championship threat in
an (albeit) wacky 2007 season. The man
can flat out coach. You know who he
reminds me of? Jimmy Johnson. College guy, takes a doormat program to
unheard of heights, then immediately does things when he reaches the pros that
endears his players to him, and ensures their blind loyalty going forward. Schiano’s going to be a damned good pro
coach, just like he was a phenomenal college coach. I really liked this hire, in a “Tampa Bay is
winning the NFC South this fall” kind of way.
11. Chan Gailey, Buffalo Bills. The man I wanted the Chiefs to hire in 2009
(they opted for Todd Haley). A man whose
teams usually overachieve. His guys are
always prepared to play, are almost never caught by surprise, and he’s one of
the brightest offensive minds of the last 20 some odd years in this league. I mean, my God, this man made Kordell Stewart
AND Jay Fiedler Pro Bowl caliber quarterbacks!
To say nothing of what he accomplished here in KC with Tyler Thigpen.
And now, we’ve reached the Top Ten … and to be honest? I’d probably pee my pants with glee if ANY of
these was employed by the Kansas City Chiefs …
10. Mike Smith, Atlanta Falcons. Three years, three winning seasons, two
playoff berths. A grousely underrated hire
in 2009, he’s turned into the dean of that year’s coaching class. Has a very bright future ahead of him, and I
know I’m looking forward to watching what his defense has in store for the
Chiefs in our home opener. This man is a
brilliant head coach who is never caught unprepared. Thank God Romeo’s had six months to prepare
to face him.
9. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers. True story – this guy was Elvis Grbac’s
quarterback coach in Kansas City. So if
ANYONE from the KC Metro area ever says “yeah, I saw how great a coach McCarthy
was going to be”? Call them on their
bullshit. McCarthy has exceeded any
reasonable expectations, let alone irrational ones, since his surprise
promotion to the main gig in 2006. Only
one losing season (the year Favre left).
Four playoff berths in six years, and a Super Bowl championship to
boot. Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.
8. Mike Shanahan, Washington Redskins. Look it, I get it that Shanahan hasn’t been “as
successful” without john elway as he was with him. To which I reply “no sh*t, Sherlock”. I consider elway the greatest to ever take a
snap under center, and this is a man of whom I will proudly piss on his
tombstone someday (hopefully sooner rather than later). You don’t replace an elway, you learn to
adapt without him, which Shanahan has done relatively well, all things
considered. Turning RGIII loose in
Shanahan’s gameplan? Look out NFC! The Redskins are on the rise, and I will be
shocked (provided Dan Snyder stays the course) if the Skins don’t reach a Super
Bowl within the next 4 years.
7. john fox, denver broncos.
The man just won a division championship and a playoff game against the
defending conference champions with timothy r. tebow as his quarterback. How ANYONE can question fox’s coaching
capabilities, I have no idea. The man
reached two NFC Title Games with Jake Delhomme under center for crying out
loud. I am FRIGHTENED … no, scratch that
– TERRIFIED … to see what fox can do with a legitimate franchise quarterback under
center.
(Told you these were unbiased rankings – Crennel barely
cracks the top 20, and not one but TWO donkey coaching greats are in the top
10.)
6. “Fat” Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, sweet Jesus, how I wish the Eagles had
fired him after their tremendous underachievements last year. The ONLY complaint you can make about Reid is
his clock management (which, to be fair, IS abysmal). The solution is obvious – hire a Mike White
type coach to manage your replays and timeouts, like Dick Vermeil did here in
KC. Problem solved. Reid is a brilliant offensive coach, knows
his limitations enough to not even bother with the defense, and has enough GM
acumen to know when to dump an overrated backup quarterback on multiple
occasions (2nd rounders for Jay Feeley, Kevin Kolb, AND Donovan
McNabb for Christ’s sake!) Any team this
guy patrols the sidelines for? Is an
instant threat to win the division, and do some damage come January. Don’t believe me? Reid was hired before the 1999 season. Since then, the Eagles have had a losing
record exactly twice – Reid’s debut in 1999 (5-11 … but won their last three),
and 2005 (the TO debacle that spiraled to 6-10). Every other year, the Eagles have been at
least .500 … and 9 of the last 12 years, they’ve reached the playoffs, reaching
the NFC Title Game in 5 of those 9 appearances (and one Super Bowl as
well). The fact that Reid ranks sixth,
tells you how strong the top five are …
5. Tom Coughlin, New York Giants. At some point, you can’t ignore the on-field
results anymore. Personally? I can’t stand Coughlin, and think he’s the
luckiest son of a bitch to come down the pike since Barry Switzer. But again, at some point? You can’t ignore the on-field results
anymore, and after winning two Super Bowls in four years? You can’t ignore the on-field results
anymore.
The reason I so strongly dislike Coughlin, is that he’s the
ultimate “all or nothing” coach. Either
your team is going to play for a championship, or their season ends week
17. Rarely does a Coughlin team simply “reach”
January and post a one-and-done. Either
they make a run at least to the conference title game … or they fail to qualify
for the chance to get there. For
me? I’d rather have a Marty type run,
where at least you know you’ll be playing in January every year, than have a 1
in 5 shot of the ultimate success. But
that’s just me.
4. Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco 49ers. Without question, the best first season
coaching job since … his brother took the Ravens to the AFC Title Game in
2008? I’d argue Jim’s was better,
because at least John was inheriting a solid team that just had a down year
(the 2006 Ravens did go 13-3, while the 2007 4-12 squad got Brian Billick
fired). Since … Rex Ryan in New York, Barry
Switzer in Dallas, George Seifert in San Fran, or Bud Carson in Cleveland (all
of whom at least played for a conference title)?
I expect the 49ers to take a step back this year, due to a
tougher schedule and a legitimate divisional rival capable of beating them in
the Seahawks. But what the lowest ranked
Harbaugh in this year’s coaches poll achieved last year? Was pretty damned good.
3. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots. Wait, he ISN’T the best coach in the league
according to me? Over the last ten
years, absolutely he is. Over the last
couple seasons? Not a chance in hell he
tops either of the two AFC North rivals still to appear.
It’s easier to win with a franchise QB that is a sure-fire “44-0
vote” Hall of Famer under center. (Ask
Jim Caldwell if said sure fire “44-0” first ballot Hall of Famer can hide
coaching deficiencies). Belichick isn’t
deficient – far from it. I’d argue last
year might have been his best coaching job since 2001. But if I had to pick a coach for ONE game, on
the road, with a Lombardi Trophy on the line?
At best, Belichick is my third choice.
At least amongst active coaches.
(For retired / dead coaches, I’d prefer Chuck Noll, Bill Walsh, and on
occasion, Mike Holmgren, the most criminitely underrated head coach of the last
20 years in the league.)
2. Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh Steelers. Picking between the top two, leaves no losers
amongst those who read this … because they’re that damned solid. (Although it does tend to leave a lot of
losers in the fanbase of their opposition on a particular Sunday or two each
year.)
I love Tomlin. I’d
follow that man through the gates of hell itself if he led the charge. Mike Tomlin is everything I thought Herm
Edwards would eventually develop into (and maybe he still will – I still think
UCLA blew it by opting for Jim Mora Jr over Edwards … and I actually like Mora
Jr. Not a bad hire … but not the best
hire, which was Herm).
To replace a legend coming off a Super Bowl win and fifteen
ridiculously successful years, takes a special kind of coach. Bill Cowher was that kind of coach, replacing
Chuck Noll (who, again, I regard as the best NFL head coach of my
lifetime). Mike Tomlin has been more
than up to the challenge, winning the AFC North in his first year, winning a
Super Bowl in his second, and never failing to be playing beyond week 17 since.
But unfortunately for Mr. Tomlin … I can’t even rank him as
the best head coach in his division, and the 2012 Stevo NFL Head Coaches Power
Poll winner is …
1. John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens. For one reason, really. He doesn’t have a sure-fire Hall of Famer
under center. Look it, I’d trade Matt
Cassel for Joe Flacco yesterday – Christ, I’d trade Matt Cassel for Elvis Grbac
yesterday, that’s how little I think of Cassel.
So give Harbaugh that much credit – he knows his guy’s limitations, and
builds the gameplan to overcome said limitations. Dick Vermeil and Al Saunders did this
brilliantly in KC with Trent Green. Jim
Harbaugh does this beyond brilliantly in San Fran with Alex Smith (although I’m
in the minority – I think Smith is a decent quarterback … provided he’s in the
right system.) And nobody was better at
maximizing mediocre talent under center than Ernie Zampeze in the 1990s with
the Cowboys*.
(*: I am fully aware Troy Aikman is a Hall of Famer, a proud
member of the Cowboys Ring of Honor, and deservedly so on both counts. Having said that, do you REALLY think Aikman
was ANYTHING other than the 4th best QB in any given year in the NFC
in the 1990s? Do you rank Aikman ahead
of Steve Young? (I don’t). Ahead of Brett Favre? (Nope).
Randall Cunningham in his prime to open the decade in Philly? (Nope).
Scott Mitchell in Detroit in his prime in the middle of the decade? (Just seeing if you’re still paying attention
… but you can actually make a damned good case for Mitchell, believe it or not,
if stats were the only thing that mattered.)
What Harbaugh has milked out of this Ravens team (four
playoff berths, six playoff wins, two AFC Title Game appearances) is nothing
short of remarkable, given that the defense has been running on fumes since
before he arrived, they have no aerial attack to speak of, and their featured
runner has routinely been hurt. All they
do, is go 11-5, 12-4 every year, and threaten to win the AFC.
That’s why John Harbaugh wins the 2012 Stevo Coaches Power
Poll rankings post. Partly because yes,
he legitimately earns it … but also because, that playoff game two years ago at
Arrowhead, between the Chiefs I love and Harbaugh’s Ravens?
Was a CLINIC in how to boatrace an opponent, a CLINIC in how
to maximize matchup disadvantages and advantages. That entire second half was a textbook /
benchmark coaching performance on how to win when it counts.
Here’s to hoping SOMEONE at One Arrowhead Drive paid
attention to the woodshed beating laid on us that day, and I’m looking squarely
at you Romeo as I type that …
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