Sunday, October 21, 2012

the week seven picks: a long promised theme comes to life

Last Week SU: 7-6-0.
Season to Date SU: 47-43-0.

Last Week ATS: 8-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 43-46-1.

Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: winner!  Although really: betting on Aaron Rodgers to top a Gary Kubiak gameplan is like taking candy from a baby.
Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 3-3-0 (both SU and ATS).
This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: Bucs (+1 1/2) over Saints.  Circle those pirate ships boys.  Circle 'em good.


Well, the Chiefs are off this week … and since I’ve been wanting to haul this gimmick out for a couple years now … this is it.  (This is it). This is life, the one you have, so go and have a ball!

Yup, “One Day at a Time”’s theme song JUST missed the cut, coming in 14th on the “Stevo’s Favorite TV Show Theme Songs”-o-Meter.

(There are 13 games on the board this week.)

I ranked the games by desirability, 13 to 1, and go figure – the theme songs applied are also ranked 13-1.  Here’s a hint: for once?  It’s not a bad thing to be the “Good Times” or “Sanford and Sons” Game o’ the Week (rimshot!)


 13. at Colts (-1 1/2) 17, Browns 10.  Not much redeemable about this one, other than Andrew Luck.  And, in honor of Mr. Luck, my 13th ranked TV theme song is, go figure, about "the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreaming!"  Yup, this is your "Growing Pains" Game o' The Week!

12. at raiders (-6) 24, Jaguars 13.  Well, both of these teams are a salvage job at this point ... so hit it!  Your "Sanford and Son" Game o' The Week!

11. at Bills (-3 1/2) 31, Titans 13.  For once, I don't hate the half a point.  The Bills should easily cover.  And speaking of things easily covered ... there are very few, if any, Beatles songs that are covered well.  There's only one that's ever been better than the original, and it's the theme song to my second favorite show of all time.  Joe Cocker covering "With a Little Help From My Friends", the theme to "The Wonder Years".

10. at Vikings (-7) 27, Cardinals 17.  I know I'm going to catch a lot of flak from at least "The Voice of Reason" for ranking this one as low as I did ... but watching a game like this?  Sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows your name.  And they're always glad you came.  You wanna go where people know, your troubles are all the same.  You wanna go where everybody knows your name.  And God help you if you don't know the sitcom that's the theme of*.  It's only the second greatest sitcom of all time, behind a show whose theme has yet to appear.

(*: "Cheers", for the clueless.)

9. at Rams (+5) 24, Packers 20.  Not quite Upset of the Week, but close.  And ... it's true story time!  My mom still has a baby book, scrapbook, whatever you want to call it, of me from my birth until I was about four.  It's kind of cool sometimes to look back and see who you were, before you could remember who you are.  Anyways, you flip to the "words I could say when I was two" page ... and I swear to God -- at least 80% of them are either TV shows, TV characters, or department stores.  Who says parenting doesn't matter?

Anyways, one of those shows, that I apparently knew every character's name to when I was two ... hell, I still love the show today, even if it's the crappiest TV show ever, and it is the only TV sitcom theme song to ever hit number one on the Billboard charts.  "Though the names have all changed since you hung around, still those dreams?  They remain.  And they've turned (you) around.  And whod've thought they'd lead you?  Back here where we need you?  Yeah, we tease him a lot!  'Cause we got him on the spot!  Welcome back!  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!"  Again, God help you if you have no clue what show* this one is from.

(And as a sidebar to a couple people who'll read this: click the link above and listen to the words.  That's how I genuinely felt Wednesday night guys.  Thank you for making what should have been the awkward, uncomfortable situation of a generation, into the funnest night I've had in that league in well over a year.  I hope we can do that again sometime.  Seriously.  The sooner?  The better.)

(*: "Welcome Back, Kotter" for those who have yet to have a "3" or higher appear as the first digit of their age.)

8. Seahawks (+7) 27, at 49ers, 17.  I’ll take the push.  (49ers won 13-6).  And since to me this is the worst game remaining on the board, well ... ain't we lucky we got 'em?  Good Times!!!!!  And yes, it frightens me too that when I typed the word "good" into the Youtube! search, it pulled up a purple (as in "clicked this before") highlighted "good times theme song" link as the top suggestion.  Ain't I lucky I got 'em?  Good Times!!!!

(Also, for the new to this: if you actually bet my leanings?  You WILL react like this.  Fair warning.)

7. at Bengals (pick) 28, Steelers 27.  This one figures to be one of those long, drawn out, four hour regular season contests where you're yawning come the third quarter.  I can only think of one TV theme song that drags its point out worse than this one's gonna be.  For the first (and, I PROMISE -- LAST!) time in this site's history, this is YOUR "Maude" Game o' The Week!

6. at Panthers (+2 1/2) 31, Cowboys 24.  Sneaky good game between two teams with the potential to surprise in January, if they can somehow find a way to get there.  And speaking of "sneaky good" theme songs, I mean, come on.  You can't top a show that features both Nancy Reagan doing a "just say no" promo, and Gordon Jump as a bike-shop owning child molestor.  "Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum!  What might be right for you, may not be right for some ..."

(And speaking of gambling: even as recently as two years ago, what kind of odds would you have gotten for Todd Bridges to be the last of the kids on this show to still be drawing breath?  1500:1?  4500:1?  I'd have loved a shot to wager a ten spot at those puppies and/or ponies ...)

5. at Bucs (+1 1/2) 31, Saints 30.  If my NFC Champ is going to actually have a shot, they have to win this game.  Period, end of statement.  And here's the theme song to the greatest sitcom of all time.  God help you if you've never seen the "Chuckles the Clown" episode, the funniest thirty minutes in TV history.

4. Lions (+7) 34, at Bears 13.  I know every man and his brother ... and second cousin four times removed, is betting on Chicago.  I love the Lions in this game.  Kinda like how most people over 40, especially of a religious persuasion, hate this theme song's show ... but I can't get enough of it.

3. Redskins (+6) 24, at Giants 20.  This might be the game of the first half of the season.  Cannot wait to see at least the highlights of it.  And since RGIII is approaching hero-like status ... come on, I can't resist using this one.  Yup, this is your "Greatest American Hero" Game o' The Week!

2. at Patriots 31, Jets (+10) 24.  This one is going to be better than most people think it will be.  And since whoever wins this game will sit atop the AFC East, they're moving on' up!  (Movin' on up!)  To that deluxe apartment in the sky!  (good ol' jr voice) Good God!  It's "The Jefferson's" Game o' The Week!

1. at Texans 31, Ravens (+7) 30.  I wish this one was in prime time.  Tremendous rematch of last year's epic divisional round game that Baltimore held on to win.  They're the only two teams in the AFC with an above .500 record.  Houston?  You've earned this.  Just like this has earned its status as not only the greatest TV show theme song of all time, it's arguably the most influential TV show of all time.

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the third thursday thirteen ...

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