"You. I hear you're
doing fine.
Seems like you're doing well,
As far as I can tell.
Time. Is leaving us behind.
Another week has passed,
And still I haven't laughed yet.
So tell me what your secret is,
To letting go, letting go like you did,
Like you did ...
How can you just walk on by?
Without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your way,
Of dealing with the pain --
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall.
Like we never loved at all.
Like we never loved at all ..."
-- "Like We Never Loved At All" by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Needless to say, there was NOTHING
I loved, at all, about the season that just occurred ...
------------------------
Well, I guess I've held off on this for as long as I could.
Here you go, Chiefs fans.
Your Stevo's Chiefs Season in Review: the good (not much), the bad (a
lot), and the ugly (December 1).
* Best Game: none. The
Chiefs only won two -- one in which they never led (winning in overtime), the
other the result of the team coming together in the wake of the worst moment in
franchise history. If I had to pick one,
I'd probably pick the overtime loss at Pittsburgh in week ten on Monday Night
Football -- the one major TV appearance this year, where the Chiefs didn't
disgrace themselves (the others: a whipping in the home opener against Atlanta,
a horrendous showing against oakland, a blowout at San Diego).
* Worst Game: at broncos, week seventeen. (Dis)honorable mention to the game at
Arrowhead against the raiders (week eight) ... but that season ending
"effort" at denver, was one of the most disgraceful, disgusting,
pathetic displays of football the Red and Gold has ever put on the field. I know this goes against my personal beliefs,
but if it was possible to abort a football game? I'd pay for the trip to Planned
Parenthood myself, to suck the life out of this "effort".
* Best Play: Jamaal Charles' 91 yard touchdown run, at Saints, week three. Is there actually any
other play worth considering? I ask that
in all seriousness -- is this the only highlight of the season? Sadly, I'd argue "yes".
* Worst Play: Ryan Succup shanks a 41 yard field goal, vs Falcons, week one. This was the opening drive
of the second half, with the Chiefs trailing 20-17, and this would have tied
it, to keep up with the Falcons (who were scoring at will). Instead, he shanked this one, the Falcons
scored 24 unanswered, and the worst season in franchise history was very much
underway.
* Team MVP: Jamaal Charles.
Honestly, there ain't any competition for this honor, although the
linebacking trio of Houston / Hali / Johnson was solid, and Ryan Lilja was the
most underrated player this year, shifting positions when Rodney Hudson was
lost for the season, and performing admirably.
(Note: I am aware Dusty Colquitt had a great season too, but I am not
giving a MVP award, to a freaking punter.)
* Team LVP: Quarterback.
You pick between god awful (Matt Cassel) and beyond sh*tty (Brady
Quinn), and so brutally God awful, he can't get on the field (Ricky Stanzi), because I can't.
* Coaching MVP: Gary Gibbs.
Started the season as the linebackers coach; took over as defensive coordinator
after the bye. To Mr. Gibbs' credit, the
linebacking corps was the only unit on this team that performed well, and the
defense was noticeably better after Mr. Gibbs took over the playcalling.
* Coaching LVP: Brian Daboll.
My God. I never -- and I'm not
joking -- I never in a thousand years, thought getting rid of Bill Muir as
offensive coordinator, would be a mistake.
* Best Rookie: Dontari Poe.
Poe actually had a fairly decent rookie season, and brings a highly
underrated quality to the defensive line -- he can drop into coverage, and do a
decent job.
* Worst Rookie: Cyrus Gray.
This really isn't fair -- Gray didn't get a good enough look due to
position "depth" and injury issues, but someone has to earn this
"honor", and you're it champ.
* Best Free Agent: Brady Quinn.
Don't laugh. You look at the
transaction log from last offseason, and you find a better signing, because I
can't.
* Worst Free Agent: Eric Winston.
Rot in hell, you f*cking asshole. Rot. In. Hell! (Or oakland; they're one and the same (rimshot!).)
* Actual Worst Free Agent (Separated From Emotion): Stanford Routt. Nothing like whizzing away $14 million on a corner that played in six games before he was cut. Good God. Even Carlton Gray stuck around for a couple seasons.
* Actual Worst Free Agent (Separated From Emotion): Stanford Routt. Nothing like whizzing away $14 million on a corner that played in six games before he was cut. Good God. Even Carlton Gray stuck around for a couple seasons.
* Best In-Season Development (Storyline): the rise of Save Our
Chiefs. Watching a simple protest
against losing spread into a 70,000 plus fan movement that forced complete and
total change to, uuh, save our Chiefs, was awe-inspiring.
* Worst In-Season Development (Storyline): the murder of Kasandra
Perkins, and the suicide of LB Jovan Belcher.
Every other negative from this season combined, doesn't come within
2/1000ths of 1/100th of 1 percent, of this development for worst storyline of
the season.
* Coolest In-Season Development (Storyline): the national media's
reaction to us booing Matt Cassel as he left the field, vs Ravens (week
five). Some ripped us ... but most not
only understood what was happening in Kansas City, they supported it, they exposed
it, they held it out as an example of what every fanbase should be at its'
passionate core.
* Best Tailgate: Tie -- Falcons (week one) and raiders (week eight). The Falcons was a perfect weather day --
sunny, warm, great day. The raiders game
gave us eight hours to tailgate, plus our good friends from South Dakota came
in for it. That was cool.
* Worst Tailgate: Colts (week sixteen). It had the coolest outcome (more on the next
bullet point item), but there were only four of us there, since everyone was
gone for Christmas or other assorted holiday activities ... and this was the only game I did not attend in shorts, because it was the only game where the temps at kickoff were below 45 degrees.
* Coolest Tailgating Development (Storyline): being filmed for an
episode of "Tailgate Takeover" on the Travel Channel. (Our episode has yet to air). I'm really curious to see how it turns
out. No matter what, the nation now
knows where the best tailgate is located: on the grassy lot across from the G30
sign.
* The Grades: Offense.
For those of you who have never read Professor Stevo's Year End
Review before, a few notes up front:
1. I do not grade on a curve.
If every member of the Wrong 53 flunks?
They all flunk. You have to earn
your grade with Professor Stevo. And
Dear God above, have these guys in the Wrong 53 "earned" their
grades.
2. Personal feelings about the player, coach, or executive, do
factor into my overall evaluation of said player, coach, or executive.
* QB Matt Cassel: D-. He only
avoids flunking because of the classy way he handled both the fan revolt, and
his demotion to backup. His on-field
play was atrocious. He damned near
single handedly cost the Chiefs the week four game against the Chargers via
three INTs and a fumble, and he did single handedly cost the Chiefs the Ravens
game, with his fumble at the goalline.
Thank God this four year nightmare is over.
* QB Brady Quinn: D. Do you
realize that, despite starting nearly half the season, Mr. Quinn managed to
toss exactly two -- two! -- touchdown passes all year? And that both were in the same game (vs
Panthers)? It is that game, that gets
Mr. Quinn a passing grade, if only for his presence of mind to execute clock
management perfectly down the stretch of that contest.
* QB Ricky Stanzi: F. If you
can't get playing time on this team, given what we trotted out there at the
position? You must suck so well, that
Ashlynn Brooke is calling you for tips and pointers on how to suck so well
(rimshot!) (Pause.) What?
(Pause.) Oh come on -- (dana
wright voice) For. The. Love!
I made it to page four before dropping a cheap, gratuitous, absolutely
unnecessary sex and/or porn star joke!
That's restraint, dammit!
* RB Jamaal Charles: A-. The
sole bright spot on offense. Led the AFC
in rushing, proved beyond the shadow of all doubt that he has not only
recovered from his knee issues of a year ago, he's still capable of producing
at a top-flight level. Again, Chiefs
fans -- I know we all loved Jared Allen.
But would you rather have Branden Albert and Jamaal Charles, or
Allen? Carl made one helluva trade, to
get that, for a defensive end who is (still) one beer away from a year long
suspension.
* RB Shaun Draughn: F. If
he's on the roster come September 8th, the Chiefs will have epically failed at
cleaning house. I'm sure he's a nice
dude. He's just not the answer, to back
up Jamaal Charles.
* RB Cyrus Gray: Inc. Battled
serious injury issues this year. I like
this kid. I think he can absolutely turn
into an effective third down back / change of pace option.
* RB Peyton Hillis: F. Is
there a grade worse than a F? There's
not? (florida evans voice) Damn, damn, damn! This might go down as the second
worst free agent signing in franchise history, behind only Carlton Gray. What a waste of money, a waste of space in
the locker room and the team charter, and a waste of time, he was last season.
* RB Nate Eachus: B+. He got
the job done at fullback. He's the one
who sprung wide open the gaping hole Jamaal Charles sprinted through to spark
the comeback at New Orleans. Did a good
job of protecting the quarterback as well.
Could be a keeper in the Tony Richardson type role.
* WR Dwayne Bowe: B-. Not
even God could have put up decent numbers with our crappy quarterbacks throwing
to him. Now that he's got a credible NFL
starter throwing him the pigskin, let's see what happens.
* WR Jon Baldwin: F. Of all
of Mr. Pioli's moves in his four year reign of (t)error, this one might go down
as the worst. And that's saying
something.
* WR Steve Breaston: F. Not
quite sure what he did to p*ss off Romeo and the coaching staff, but I wish him
the best of luck going forward.
* WR Dexter McCluster: F.
This just isn't working.
* WR Devon Wylie: C. I like
this kid. I'm very, very excited to see
what he's capable of in "Fat" Andy Reid's scheme. (Think DeSean Jackson).
* TE Kevin Boss: F. He's
probably spent every moment of this season thanking God above for his
concussion that ended his season before it really began, because he might have
died going over the middle, trying to catch the crap being thrown in his
general vicinity by our quarterbacks.
* TE Tony Moeaki: D. Can you
recall a single catch, block, or big play he made this year? Me neither.
* TE Steve Maneri: F. Was it
really just five short years ago we had the best tight end combo in the game in Tony Gonzalez and Jason Dunn?
* LT Branden Albert: B+. Did
a decent job this year. I am glad we
franchised him, and if the Chiefs hold onto him, he should stay at left
tackle. He's good at what he does. (That, and if we use the first overall pick on an offensive lineman, my television screen is going to have a gaping hole in it, from where my bottle of Coors Light hits it, after I chuck it in anger. You don't waste top five picks on linemen, on either side of the ball. You take the best skill position player available drafting that high, not the fattest dude on the board.)
* LT Donald Stephenson: F. I
will remind you, Chiefs fans -- Russell Wilson went one pick after Mr.
Stephenson, who played the role of a matador at a bull fight to perfection last
year. We haven't seen a wide open road
to the quarterback like what Mr. Stephenson laid last year, since "Route
65" Jordan Black was getting Trent Green and Damon Huard killed back
there.
* LG Jeff Allen: B+. I don't
recall any major penalty gaffes, or serious blown assignments. Decent player who'll have to step up more
next year, and did effectively step up this year, when Mr. Hudson's injury forced serious shifts along the line.
* C Rodney Hudson: Inc. Was
doing fine until he was lost with a season ending injury. I think the Chiefs have a decent, upper 25%
center on their hands here. That's a
good thing.
* C / G Ryan Lilja: A. Did
fine work at guard the last few years, and performed capably when forced to
shift to center after Mr. Hudson went down.
I wish Mr. Lilja all the best in retirement, and look forward to
applauding him at future Alumni Weekend introductions.
* RG Jon Asomoah: B+. The
interior of the Chiefs line -- Allen / Hudson / Asomoah -- looks set for the
next five years, barring catastrophic injury.
I'm good with that.
* RT Eric Winston: F. Lost in
the heat of the debate over us Chiefs fans booing Matt Cassel as he lay
unconscious during the Ravens game?
Guess who badly whiffed on the block, that led to the hit on Cassel that
knocked him out cold? (sarah palin
voice) You betcha! Eric Winston.
On behalf of Chiefs fans everywhere who love this franchise,
sir? Goodbye, good riddance, and please,
let the door not only hit your ass on your way out the door, have it do things
to said ass that would make Candy Strong blush from embarrassment.
* The Grades: Defense.
* LDE Tyson Jackson: B-. I
might be in the minority, but Mr. Jackson made progress this year. He's developed into a solid run blocker, who
effectively engages the tackle, to free up the edge for Justin Houston. I'm glad he'll be back. I'm really glad he'll be back at a far more
reasonable salary and cap figure.
* LDE Shawn Smith: Inc. The
former Chief was signed late in the season.
Did not make much of an impact.
* NT Dontari Poe: B+.
Again, I might be in the minority, but Mr. Poe showed some good signs of
things to come last year. A nose tackle that
can cover the safety valve. Seriously,
who was the last one that could do that effectively, Keith Millard? Could be a sneaky good pick when it's all
said and done.
* NT Jerrell Powe: C.
Didn't distinguish himself, didn't embarrass himself. Sadly, too many Chiefs couldn't say either
statement about their play last year.
* NT Anthony Toribio: Inc.
Didn't play enough to warrant a grade, either pass, average, or fail.
* RDE Glenn Dorsey: B-.
He'll never justify being a top five pick, but he's still better than
average. Like Mr. Jackson, he did a
very effective job of occupying the tackle, freeing up Tamba Hali to rush the
quarterback. That's every bit as
important, as posting solid tackle numbers.
* RDE Allen Bailey: Inc.
Missed a lot of the second half of the season with injury. What little playing time he saw, I was
slightly impressed with. A solid backup
end, and every team needs at least one of those.
* OLB Justin Houston: A-.
Mr. Houston was about one of five Chiefs to not defecate on themselves
this year. He provided a solid pass
rush, was at least average at covering the tight end / swing back, and avoided
a second positive test for weed. All
good things in my book. Especially that last one. Gotta know how to beat the system*.
(*: that is still my favorite story about The Champ. It's laugh out loud hysterical ... and one hundred percent true. To protect the guilty, I'll avoid posting it. But trust me -- you would laugh your ass off. God knows I did. And man, did I have to eat that laugh.)
(*: that is still my favorite story about The Champ. It's laugh out loud hysterical ... and one hundred percent true. To protect the guilty, I'll avoid posting it. But trust me -- you would laugh your ass off. God knows I did. And man, did I have to eat that laugh.)
* OLB Andy Studebaker: B+.
Rock solid special teams player.
(Pause.) Other than Dusty C, he's
just about the only one of those we have.
* ILB Brandon Siler: B-.
Showed flashes of what I've always believed he had to offer. (In the interest of full disclosure, I
irrationally like Brandon Siler. I think
he can be a damned good linebacker. From
what my friends and trusted fellow Chiefs fans have said, I am bat sh*t crazy,
and seeing things that don't exist. In
my defense ... that wouldn't be the first time that's happened. (Pause.) Or the five hundredth.)
* ILB Derrick Johnson: A.
Did everything asked of him, and then some. With Houston / Johnson / Hali, the Chiefs
have a rock solid linebacking core for the rest of this decade, barring
catastrophic injury or incompetent salary cap management.
* ILB Cory Greenwood: B.
Did a decent job stepping into an impossible situation.
* ILB Jovan Belcher: F.
Failed on the field, failed his fiance, failed his daughter,
failed his mother, failed Coach Gibbs, failed Coach Crennel, failed Mr. Pioli, failed every fan of the Red and Gold, failed every human being
to ever draw breath -- past, present, or future. I could continue, but why honor this absolute
failure of a man by saying anything further about him.
* OLB Tamba Hali: B+.
Effectively battered the passer this year, and has developed a knack for
being around the ball. I can think of at
least five passes he batted down, when after realizing he couldn't reach the
quarterback, he instead fell back and waited for the throw. A smart, effective presence at the
position. Docked half a letter grade for
his drug related suspension in week one.
* CB Brandon Flowers: F.
Yes, F. If it was possible to
grade lower, I would. He missed large
periods of time with injury, and despite getting his payday as a top tier
corner, refused to play like one. You
know who else was like that? Who else
the Chiefs threw an elite level corner contract at, and his game promptly went
down the sh*tter? Eric Warfield. I do not like the trajectory of Brandon
Flowers right now.
* CB Stanford Routt: F. This was (allard baird voice) no question, THE worst free agent signing from
last year -- possibly in the entire league -- and save for possibly Tyler Palko, the worst transaction period of
the Pioli era. He didn't even make it to
midseason before being cut.
* CB Jalil Brown: F-. Quite
simply, the worst player on the Wrong 53, in terms of talent and
contribution. And with nothing else to
add, may I ask a question that has always fascinated me, but noone seems to
have an answer for?
Why does an F grade, not carry a plus or minus designation? Every other possible grade has a plus, an
average, and a minus. But not F. I mean, if you've got red ink all over your
paper, and a gigantic F circled in red at the top of the page, what further
harm could you do to a kid by adding a plus or a minus? Really, like little Johnny isn't going to be
upset at getting a F already? Inflict
some more trauma on the kid! Or, give
him a reason to hope by tossing a plus sign on there. Give him a reason to aim for that D! Am I the only one who thinks this way? I am?
Figures.
* CB Javier Arenas: D. Is
in over his head as a starter, and provided virtually nothing in the return
game. Remember folks -- this is what we
got for Tony Gonzalez. Anyone happy
about that deal still?
* CB Neiko Thorpe: B-.
Showed potential at times. Saved
the only game the Chiefs won in regulation with a late interception. Should be a solid third down nickel / dime
corner next year, as he was this year.
* S Eric Berry: B. Was a
bit timid early on, but can you blame him?
I don't. By the end of the
season, he was again showing his Pro Bowl form from his rookie season, and had
put the effects of the knee injury behind him.
I am looking forward to seeing a healthy Eric Berry on the field come
September.
* S Tysyn Hartman: A-. I
like this kid. Showed some good flashes
this year. Plus, if that isn't the most
f*cked up spelling of Tysyn any of us have ever seen, I can only cringe in
horror, at what a worse spelling of Tysyn, would look like.
* S Travis Daniels: C. A
perfectly league average safety. He's
not gonna win a game for you, but he's not gonna lose one for you either. Every team needs at least two of these guys
in their secondary.
* S Abram Elam: C. Another
perfectly league average safety. And since
I have nothing else to say here, let me say that I had to look up whether he
was black or white. There aren't a whole
lot of players, you have to do that for, anymore. (Pause.)
Wait, what? (Pause.) Oh come on!
That was not racist!
* The Grades: Special Teams.
* The Grades: Special Teams.
* LS Thomas Gafford: A+. I
don't recall a single botched snap on a field goal or a punt this year. And God knows Mr. Gafford had plenty of
chances in the punting game, to screw the proverbial pooch.
* PK Ryan Succup: F. Had
the worst season of his career, missing nearly 30% of his kicks, becoming
wildly inconsistent inside of 40 yards out, and had a couple costly misses (vs
Falcons, at Steelers) that swung those games against the Chiefs. Let's do better next year, ok, Mr. Irrelevant?
* P Dusty Colquitt: A+. The
cynic in me would note "well he should -- he had a boatload of
practice!" to the suggestion that this was Dusty C's best season to
date. And with nothing else to add,
seriously guys -- how ridiculously loaded is the AFC West at the punting
position? You can make the legitimate
argument that the four best punters in the league, all reside inside our
division (Dusty C with the Chiefs, britton colquitt with the broncos, shane
leckler with the raiders, Mike Scifres with the Chargers).
* The Grades: Coaches.
(Not for the faint of heart).
* Offensive Coordinator Brian Daboll: F. From baffling play calls, to an outright
refusal to coach to his team's strengths, Mr. Daboll's year with the Chiefs
will go down as one of the worst coaching efforts in franchise history. I honestly -- (joe biden voice) Folks? I honestly cannot recall a single game plan
this year that I didn't have an issue with, save for the first preseason game. And in the words of "The Voice of
Reason": it's preseason! (My God,
remember how optimistic everyone was after that preseason opener? Talk about a cocktease.) This is normally where I would note that
"his replacement cannot possibly be worse ...", but that's what I
said about Bill Muir in 2011, and Holy Mary mother of God, his replacement was
worse.
* Offensive Line Coach Jack Bicknell, Jr.: B. The Chiefs line had serious injury issues,
but for the most part, they kept the quarterback upright (which may or may not
have been a good thing), and there's no question -- (allard baird voice) no
question! -- that the run blocking was amongst the league's best. Bumped up a full letter grade for having to
deal with and coach the biggest asshole this franchise has ever allowed to wear
the Red and Gold (I'm looking at you, Mr. Winston.)
* Quarterbacks Coach Jim Zorn: C-.
For on-field production, he deserves a F minus ... but for God's sake,
look at what he had to work with! To
plagarize a line from Rick Pitino back in the day: "Trent Green or Len
Dawson ain't coming through that door".
Not even the best offensive coordinator in the league (and for my money,
that's Jay Gruden of the Bengals) could have won more than 5 games with this
steaming pile of doggie doo doo. He'll
land on his feet, and probably succeed; Zorn's a good coach caught in an
impossible situation last season.
* Wide Receivers Coach Nick Sirianni: F-. Should have been purged at the bye week. Granted, some of it is on the quarterback
play, but every single receiver regressed this year. Even last year, with Tyler Palko and Kyle
Orton (who had no time to learn the playbook) under center, Jon Baldwin had
made some improvement by the end of the year, and Steve Breaston was making a
significant contribution to boot. This
year? Breaston went "Where's
Waldo" on us, Baldwin was about as effective as a condom Antonio Cromartie
would use, and Dwayne Bowe had all but disappeared from relevance.
* Offensive Quality Control Coach Jim Bob Cooter: A+. Come on, there is no way I'm giving anything
but an A to a dude named "Jim Bob Cooter". And yes -- he really was our Offensive
Quality Control Coach last year, he does exist.
Just like Rusty Kuntz actually exists.
* Tight Ends Coach Bernie Parmelee: F. Bernie Parmelee is to quality coaching, what
I am to sobriety. He should have stuck with his UPS delivery day job*.
(*: in case you've forgotten -- the Dolphins signed him to be their running back in 1993, when he was working as a UPS delivery guy. That might be the best move their franchise has made in twenty years; Parmelee was a decent back for a solid four or five seasons.)
(*: in case you've forgotten -- the Dolphins signed him to be their running back in 1993, when he was working as a UPS delivery guy. That might be the best move their franchise has made in twenty years; Parmelee was a decent back for a solid four or five seasons.)
* Assistant Head Coach / Running Backs Maurice Carthon: B+. You can question damned near every position's
result you want ... but the running game is one of two areas on this team, that
performed at or above any reasonable expectations. He'll be the one departing member of this
coaching staff, that I am sorry to see go, and that will be difficult to
replace with an upgrade.
* Defensive Coordinator / Linebackers Coach Gary Gibbs: A. Linebacker was the other position on this
team that met or exceeded expectations.
I thought Mr. Gibbs did an outstanding job as well when he took over as
defensive coordinator at the bye week.
This was a vastly improved defense the last two months of the season,
save the season finale, when everyone had already mailed it in -- they nearly
won in Pittsburgh, gave denver all it could handle, shut down Cam Newton, and
nearly sprung the upset of the Colts. I
am extremely pleased that "Fat" Andy Reid has retained Gary Gibbs as
linebackers coach.
* Defensive Line Coach Anthony Pleasant: C. The line was at least average, which by 2012
Chiefs standards, is Canton-esque.
Still, with not one, not two, but three top 11 picks from the last four
years starting or seeing significant playing time, average is an unacceptable
outcome.
* Defensive Backs Coach Emmitt Thomas: B+. Given the alarming number of first and second
year players he was forced to employ due to injury, release, and lack of depth,
Mr. Thomas worked a minor miracle this year.
Like with Gary Gibbs, I am very happy that "Fat" Andy Reid
retained Mr. Thomas in this position.
(That, and because I also hate to see former Chiefs players who return
to coach with the team, essentially get fired a second time from the
organization.)
* Defensive Quality Control Coach Otis Smith: A. I didn't notice any equipment malfunctions,
any missing helmets or pads, a lack of towels or Gatorade, so he did his job. Plus, I love the name Otis. We need more people named Otis in this world. And Ralph. I love the name Ralph too.
* Defensive Assistant / Assistant Linebackers Coach Anthony
Zimmer: A. The position didn't suffer
one bit after Gary Gibbs assumed the coordinator's role, and that's a tribute
to Mr. Zimmer. Hopefully he lands on his
feet with a quality organization; he's got a future in this league, based on
the last two months of this season.
* Special Teams Coach Tom McMahon: C. Half of the unit's responsibility (punting
and coverage of said punt), he earns an A+ for.
Dusty Colquitt and crew turned in a season for the ages. But half of the unit's responsibility
(returning kicks and punts; field goal attempts), he earns a F for. So I split the difference and gave him a
C. Mr. McMahon will not be returning in
2013; it's probably for the best.
* Strength and Conditioning Coach Mike Clark: F. Every position, save for running back, had
someone suffer a disasterous injury this year.
While some of them were unavoidable despite the best training regimen,
this part of the team simply did not deliver the goods this year.
* The Grades: Head Coach.
* Head Coach Romeo Crennel:
This is going to be the toughest grade to decide, and the hardest
review to write. Seriously.
Mr. Crennel is arguably the worst head coach in franchise
history. (It's him or Frank Gansz
Sr.) Most everyone -- myself included --
thought this was a bad hire from the beginning, and ripped it early and
often. And as the incompetence shone
through each week, and each defeat got worse, and the anger grew, and Mr.
Crennel stood at the podium claiming that he "didn't understand" why
things were collapsing around him, I turned on him in a way that I've never
turned on a Chiefs coach before. I
resorted to calling him Coach Baffoon -- and purposely misspelling buffoon,
because I didn't want to insult legitimate buffoons.
I openly questioned, both on this site and in casual conversation,
how in the hell this owner, this general manager, this team -- how any of them
could not fire Mr. Crennel at the bye week.
Six weeks into the season, and the Chiefs had yet to hold a lead for
even a second, had lost four games by double digits (Falcons, Bills, Chargers,
Falcons Bucs), and if something drastic didn't happen pretty f*cking fast, it
wouldn't be just Romeo who paid the price with his job.
I even contemplated resurrecting something for the Bengals game
that I hadn't done since the dark days of 2007 -- buy a pinata, print off a
large Romeo Crennel head, slap it on said pinata, and hang it up on the tree at
our tailgating spot, to let the masses know what you thought of Romeo. (Hey, I lynch a donkeys doll for every home
game. I have serious anger management control
issues when it comes to the Chiefs.)
But still, no matter how ugly it got, Mr. Crennel had one last
chance to redeem himself -- November 25th.
Circle the wagons and beat the broncos at Arrowhead. I am the person who has noted on more than a
hundred occasions that "I can live with 1 and 15 every year, so long as
the 1 is denver at Arrowhead" ... and I actually do mean that. Obviously, it's not what I would want, but if
the Chiefs are destined to suck, then for God's sake, at least beat the My
Little Ponies at Arrowhead.
It didn't happen.
This is how I opened the recap to the broncos game:
I was absolutely convinced -- beyond the shadow of all doubt --
that there was nothing, not one God damned thing, that Romeo Crennel could do,
to salvage anything than the most scathing and insulting of grade and review,
in this post after that defeat. He was
destined for the most hate-filled, angry diatribe I've ever posted on this
site, and I remind you -- I have posted the recap of both the Ravens defeat in
2006*, and the victory over the Rams in that same year, on this site ... and
neither is exactly a complimentary piece towards the intended targets that day
(Herm Edwards in the Ravens piece; the CBS broadcasters in the Rams piece).
(*: I thought the Ravens recap was posted. I'll have to search the archives for it, and if it didn't post, I'll find it in my old sent emails and post it. Trust me -- it's a Stevo meltdown for the ages.)
(*: I thought the Ravens recap was posted. I'll have to search the archives for it, and if it didn't post, I'll find it in my old sent emails and post it. Trust me -- it's a Stevo meltdown for the ages.)
And then came the morning of December 1st.
9:32am.
I was sitting in bed, watching a "Law and Order" rerun,
scrolling through my friends' Facebook statuses from the night before, when my
phone started going berserk. First, my
brother: "Get on Twitter.
Now!" Then friends various
texts: "Hey, what's going on at Arrowhead?" "Did you hear a player's
dead?" "What the hell do you
know about this Chiefs player killing himself?"
And as the initial sorrow, turned into outrage, and then grief,
suddenly football seemed as trivial as it actually is. I'll be honest -- I was in the group of fans
that did NOT want to play the next day.
Partly out of respect for what happened, but (and if I am one thing,
it's always brutally honest about how I feel about something) because from a
selfish standpoint, this was the one truly winnable home game on the schedule
(the only other one left was the Colts), and I had no desire to go 0-8 at
home. I knew -- I just knew -- there was
no way in hell the Chiefs would be ready to play that game, barely 24 hours
after their teammate killed his fiance in front of their daughter and his
mother, and then killed himself in front of his position coach, the GM, and
Romeo himself.
Instead, what transpired is, simply put, the most amazing coaching
performance I have ever had the pleasure and the privilege to witness
live. And the most meaningless,
pointless, absolute "I don't give a sh*t about it" Chiefs game of my
life.
On the basis of on-field performance, Romeo Crennel should be
given an F, and he should be sued for every cent of compensation provided to
him for his on-field "coaching" this season.
On this site? I'm gonna do
something I rarely do: I'm going to act like a typical Barack Obama supporter. I'm going to grade Mr. Crennel based solely
on emotion and feeling, rather than fact, logic, or reason.
Don't get used to it.
Don't get used to it.
Grade: A+.
* The Grades: General Manager.
* General Manager Scott Pioli.
This one? Much easier to
write. Mr. Pioli failed at nearly every
aspect of his job. Save for linebacker
and place kicker, this franchise is infinitely worse at every single position
upon his departure, than it was upon his arrival. He turned off half the fanbase with his prick
attitude, and he turned off the other half with his incompetence.
Rany Jazayerli put it best: fans will support a jerk who wins, or
a lovable guy who loses. They will never
support a jerk who loses.
Bango.
Bango.
Grade: F.
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