Sunday, November 17, 2013

gameday.

"We're not gonna take it!
No!  We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it anymore!

We've got the right to choose, and
There ain't no way we're losing!
This is our life; this is our song!

We'll fight the powers that be, just
Don't pick on destiny, cause
You don't know us -- you don't belong!

We're not gonna take it!
No!  We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it anymore!

Oh, you're so condescending;
Your goal is never ending.
We don't want nothin',
Not a thing from you!

Your life is trite and jaded;
Boring and confiscated.
If that's your best?
Your best won't do!

Whoa oh oh!
Whoa oh oh!

We're right!
We're free!
We'll fight!
You'll see!

We're not gonna take it!
No!  We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it anymore!

We're not gonna take it!
No!  We ain't gonna take it!
We're not gonna take it anymore!!!!"

-- "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister.

--------------------

A few things to open this (potentially) magical Sunday morning ...

* For the record, my favorite use of that song, ever, was in the 2002 Elite Eight in Madison, Wisconsin.  Either Oregon or KU called a timeout with about thirty seconds to play, so that the seniors could get into one last game (KU was up by thirteen).  KU about to reach its first Final Four in a decade, since 1993 in N'Awlins.

Then you hear the KU band, start playing this song, during the timeout.

Circle that damned monkey removed, Bert.

* A buddy of mine from work brought this up as I was heading out the door Friday.

Chiefs fans?  For those of you panicked over the offense, scared to death that Alex Smith isn't up for this, isn't up to the challenge of winning AT denver, with potentially the donkeys season on the line?

Immaculate Fourfecta.

Your starting QB for San Francisco that day, at denver, when all the donkeys had to do was beat a 6-9 49ers team, playing for nothing but pride, to make the playoffs?

Your starting QB for San Francisco that day, at denver, who rallied the 49ers from an early 13 point deficit, to beat the donkeys 23-20 in overtime?

Someone by the name ... of Alex Smith.

I think the Alex Smith of today?

Is a helluva lot better, than the Alex Smith, of seven years ago ... and I guaran-damn-tee you, the Alex Smith of today, has far more weapons available at his disposal, than the Alex Smith of seven years ago, did.

* There's one thing I think very few people are focused on, although Arrowhead Pride was all over it on Friday, and I kind of hinted at it in The Flashback section of the previous post.

It isn't KC that NEEDS to win this game.

It's denver.

Play this out: let's say denver does what I picked them to do, and loses.  (Margin doesn't matter; this isn't the BCS.)  They'll be two back with six to play, with (a) four of their last six on the road, (b) NONE of those four in an environment that is conducive to the road team winning ... well, ok, I'll concede they SHOULD win the last two, but Reliant is never easy, and the black hole is always a crapshoot, and (c) the first two of our four roadies?

At New England, next Sunday, 7:25pm (NBC).
At Kansas City, December 1, 3:25pm (CBS).

If denver loses tonight, they quite probably will be four back, with four to play, and the Chiefs holding the iron-clad tiebreaker via head-to-head sweep.  Meaning the Chiefs, with a win tonight?

Are quite probably playing to clinch home field advantage, two weeks from today, at Arrowhead.

Sweet merciful Jesus.  I have been told I have a very (brett voice) "vivid imagination" ... but good freaking God, not even I saw this potential development coming.

Which brings up the second development that (finally), I see someone is bringing up, and that someone is Pro Football Talk:

* If the donkeys lose tonight, do you tank the road trip, and sit peyton manning at New England and KC?

Again, play this out: if denver loses tonight, they're one loss away from drawing dead, especially if that loss is at Arrowhead in fourteen days.

And whichever AFC West power doesn't win the division, literally has to choke like ... well, like your 2009 "my little ponies", to NOT be the five seed.

If you're denver, and you lose tonight, why wouldn't you sit peyton manning for the road trip?  Why let him get beat up in front of two fired-up national TV road crowds, when every medical professional with an ounce of credibility says two to four weeks of rest, heals his ankle?  Again, the AFC is weird this year -- the Chiefs and donkeys are so superior right now record wise to the rest of the league, they're both playoff locks, and the loser is guaranteed to be the top wildcard.

Again, play this out.  These are highly likely to be your seeds come December 29th:

(1) AFC West winner.
(2) AFC East winner (likely Patriots).
(3) AFC South winner (virtually certain to be Colts).
(4) AFC Norris winner (Cle / Cin / Bal / Pitt -- they're all still in this thing).
(5) AFC West second place.
(6) cluster(chuck).

What would you rather have, donkey fans -- a healthy peyton manning going at (pick your craptacular Norris division champ), with (in theory) a still healthy peyton manning going to New England or KC ... or brock osweiler at Cleveland, in the most meaningful game for that franchise since they lost the AFC Championship for the third time in four years to denver to close out the 1980s?

My take?  And I'm being serious here for once.  I'd start manning tonight -- you have nothing to lose, by doing that.  The worst case scenario starting him?

Is that the scenario I just laid out?  Is FORCED to happen -- peyton sits out the road trip, and probably the Titans game in week fourteen, and if need be, the Chargers on the short week in week fifteen.  With all due respect, the donkeys could pluck some dude from whatever their equivalent of Lot G is, put him under center, and beat the Titans at home by 14.  Meaning you need to split the final road trip at Houston / at oakland to secure the five seed.

But I'd have him on the shortest leash imaginable.  If either squad got up two touchdowns either right before halftime (if the other squad had the ball coming out of the break), or in the second half?  I'd sit him, if only to buy a little rest.

Something to keep an eye on tonight.

Because there's another dirty little secret nobody is talking about ...

* john fox will only be there in spirit tonight.

Well, actually, I can't confirm that; he might be in pat bowlen's box.  But john fox ain't wearing a head set tonight.  "Of the River" is.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this ... but I actually think jack del rio is a decent head coach.  He's like a competent backup quarterback -- he can win you a couple games in a pinch.

But he sure as hell, ain't no john fox.

And he sure as all hell, ain't no "Fat" Andy Reid.

"Of the River" hasn't coached a truly meaningful game, since his Jags gave the 16-0 Patriots a healthy challenge in the divisional round ... of the 2007 playoffs.

To put in perspective how long it has been, since "Of the River" coached a meaningful game in this league, a game of great significance?  Seven personal highlights good friends (in virtually all cases) and casual readers (in most cases) will get, that had yet to occur, the last time "Of the River", coached a game of great significance, in (I believe) chronological order:

(1) I was not even two weeks removed, from getting to witness firsthand President Obama's victory ... in the 2008 Iowa Caucuses, that launched his stunning run to his first election.

(2) Your Kansas Jayhawks were the defending Orange Bowl champions.  (I should note, both (1) and (2) occurred the same day, and I was in the lovely Holiday Inn in West Des Moines, to watch / witness both, on the way to my cousin's wedding in Milwaukee.)

(3) The Champ and I were still 2 1/2 months away, from forcibly evicting Deadbeat Ex-Roommate.

(4) This site?  Not only was six months away from existence ... the two biggest punching bags on the Numero Uno site ("The Herm"), were both still employed / barely terminated from their coaching gigs -- "Sur" William Callahan, and Isiah Thomas.

(5) All three major candidates for the Presidency -- Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Obama, and Mr. McCain -- were defending DOMA as their official stance, on gay marriage.

(6) DJ and I were still eight months away, from meeting The Chica and The Ex, on our first night in our work bowling league.

(7) My favorite collegiate hoops game of all time, the six overtime classic where Syracuse beat UConn in the Big East tournament, was 14 months away, from occurring.

And that takes us ... to the middle of the second week of March ... 2009.

Hell, "The Night at the Kitchen Table" hadn't even happened yet -- the "Stevo downs seven bottles of wine to simply comprehend the conversation" bottoming out at Stubbs was still two weeks away, for God's sake.

Needless to say, circle me giddy with glee, Bert, at facing "Of the River" tonight, instead of john fox.

* And in a moment of seriousness here --

A hearty Stevo's Site Numero Dos "Best Wishes / Get Well Soon" to donkeys coach John Fox, who not only is one of the fifteen most gifted head coaches I've ever seen hone his craft in person, he's one helluva good guy.

And as someone who's had to deal with a loved one's serious health issues over the last six weeks?

I'm feeling generous.

Get well soon, sir.  This League is a far, far better place with you, than without you.

YOLO, dude.  Perspective.

Also,

* Gary?  Ol' Gary?  Ol' Buddy, Ol' Pal, Ol' Descomisado?

Seriously, what in the name of Jesus Christ himself, is Gary Kubiak doing, coaching a "going nowhere" Texans squad today, not even two weeks after he suffers a stroke on the field?

Dude!  Perspective!  Gain some!

Bob McNair -- to say nothing of Texans GM Rick Smith -- should make sure Ol' Gary's car keys, are nowhere to be found, come 5:30am today.  If Gary Kubiak spends even a second of time on the sideline before this season is over?

Someone should be fired over it.

Even if that someone to prevent it from happening, is Gary Kubiak.

A second Stevo's Site Numero Dos "Get Well Soon Dude" shoutout to Gary Kubiak.  It figures -- I mock the man's incompetence for five years, he turns in six of the most brilliantly coached quarters of football I've ever seen (either in person or via the flat screen) ... and he collapses after those six quarters.

YOLO, Gary.  Perspective.

YOLO*, folks.  Perspective.  There are far, far, far more important things in life, than coaching a 2-7 squad against a 3-6 squad, in a battle for that key seventh selection of the first round of the 2014 National Football League Common Draft.

(*: well, unless you're Shirley MacLaine.  Then YOL ... WTFK?)

* So, let's deal with another proverbial elephant in the room, shall we?

And this one's leaving a heaping mile of mess, that's becoming possible to ignore.

The donkeys defense sucks.  No, really -- they make your average collection of talent at a table at the AVN Awards, look downright mediocre, in their ability to inhale.

For all the accolades about their offense (all deserved, FWIW)?

The donkeys haven't held a single team to under 19 points all year, and that team that scored 19, was the Jaguars.

They've given up 27, 23, 21, 20, 48 (and somehow won!), 19, 39, 21, and 20.  That's an average of 26.4 points / game.

Chiefs fans?  If the donkeys defense simply gives up its average, and for sh*ts and giggles, since it's actually a 26.44444444 average, let's round up to 27 -- if the Chiefs score 27 tonight?

What do you put the odds of victory at, 92.52%?  Slightly higher?

Again, go back to the midseason review post from Tuesday.  The Chiefs have allowed exactly 40 second half points all year, only 17 fourth quarter points all year.  The donkeys have allowed 28 and 7 in just the last two games.  The Chiefs have given up 2, 16, 16, 7, 17, 7, 16, 17, and 13 points this year, an average of 12.7 points / game.

Which leads to the next interesting thing to me:

* What's going to give -- the Chiefs defense, or the donkeys offense?

Because the donkeys are averaging ... hang on.  You know what?  Considering this is the best offense I've seen in this League since the 2002 Chiefs were dropping 2013 donkeyesque numbers every week, let's give this the credit it's due.

peyton's boys have scored (gulp) 49, 41, 37, 52, 51, 35, 33, 45, and 28 so far this season, an absolutely jaw-dropping amazing 41.2 points / game.

To put this in perspective, the 2002 Chiefs (the best offense I've ever seen until this year's broncos squad, and only the 1998 Vikings come close) had scored 40, 16, 38, 48, 29, 34, 34, 20, and 32 at this point of the season (and sat at 4-5 to boot), for an average of "only" 32.3 points / game.

For further perspective?  The 2002 Chiefs set an NFL record by scoring 30 plus in eight separate games (W at Cle, L at NE, W vs Mia, L at SD, L vs den, L at Sea, W vs Arz, W vs StL), and they topped 20 in every other game save two -- the week two loss to Jacksonville, and the finale in the monsoon at oakland.

The 2013 broncos have already tied the 30 plus mark of games, and have only failed to top thirty once -- last week.

That's what I'm most interesting in seeing tonight.  You can argue quite credibly the 2013 broncos are the most prolific offense in the history of the NFL, to this point in the season.  And you can argue quite credibly the 2013 Chiefs are the most prolific defense in the last twenty eight years of the NFL, to this point of the season.  (Sorry, but Buddy's Boyz of the 1985 Bears, were better.  And yes, Mr. Lewis, I see your hand raised regarding your 2000 Ravens, but you weren't 9 and ... what?  Why, of course I'd hop in a limousine with you, 2000 Ray Lewis!  What harm could possibly come from that?)

(See, donkey fans?  We do have something in common -- an intense, pathological hatred of that lying thug who was number 52 in your programs, and hopefully has a 666 jersey awaiting him in the eighth layer of hell someday.  Ray Lewis everyone!!!)

Something has to give tonight.  I will probably regret saying this ... but I don't think this game is going to be all that competitive.  One side is going to win decisively.  Because I don't see the Chiefs D and the donkeys O meeting in the middle at 28-27 for the final.  Do you?

* Finally, a few pictures to get you in the mood, that had me laughing out loud.

First, the Denver City and County Building on Thursday night:

(Note: all photo credits snagged where applicable; all pics pulled off Twitter or Arrowhead Pride.)


What's that?  You want another view, and an explanation for why the donkeys city and county government is welcoming the invading army with open arms?  Why, far be it from me, to deny you that privilege:


And now, for some of my favorite fan postings ... and in the words of the late, great "Lion of the Senate", "The Swimmer", "The Hero of Chappaquiddick", Senator Edward M. Kennedy?  "You can bet your ass", you know which one of these, is my personal favorite:


(stevo clapping with pride ...)


(OK, fine -- that one is WITHOUT QUESTION, my favorite.  If only because there ain't a thing down there, to punch.  That fist is going straight through to that jackass', uuh, ass.)



(Girl, I'd marry you right now, no questions asked.)


(You're damned right I immediately followed him on Twitter.)

* Finally, my contribution to tailgating each week ... and you have no idea, how much I cannot wait to string up our good friend, Ol' Triple Noose donkey, exactly fourteen days from right now.  Enjoy tonight folks!  We've waited sixteen years for this:


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