“Let’s all pack up and move this year.
We’ll slip the liars, and disappear.
Leave memories for auctioneers,
And those just standing still.
They’ll miss the taste of wanting you.
Call out your name, like I still do.
But they haven’t said a word that’s true,
And they only hold you down.
In this heartbreak world,
I’ve just imagined?
With tired talk,
Of better days?
In this heartbreak world,
Where nothing matters?
Come on, let’s make this dream
That’s barely half awake,
Come true! …”
There will be those who focus on the horrific timeout "Fat" Andy Reid called with 1:28 to go, the Chiefs at the Chargers five yard line, trailing by three, with the clock running. And to be fair, that was a brain fart that ultimately bit the Chiefs squarely in the ass. But that's not what I want "Fat" Andy to account for this morning, because in the grand scheme of things, all that timeout did was give San Diego an extra fifteen seconds. Considering the Chargers had all their timeouts, that fifteen seconds isn't going to amount to a hill of beans when it's all said and done.
And there will be those who will focus on the defensive collapse after Justin Houston, uuh, collapsed inside the two minute warning of the first half. Up to that point, San Diego had scored three points. They'd score 38 from there, to secure a 41-38 upset of the Chiefs that threw the AFC Wild Card race into full on chaos (nine of the AFC's sixteen teams are at 5-6 or 4-7. Let that sink in -- over half the damned conference, is heavily involved in the battle for the six seed. I love it!)
Still others will point to Alex Smith, who for the second straight week, committed the number one gaffe a quarterback can make -- taking a sack late in the half, with his team almost in field goal range. As awful as the collapse yesterday was, the Chiefs were at their own 40 yard line with :15 to play. The way the wind was howling in there yesterday, they were 15 yards from trying the field goal, and 18-20 yards from it having at least a 50/50 shot to be good. Alex Smith simply must throw the ball away when the pocket collapses like that. It cost us three points in denver last week. It might have cost us the division this week.
But that wouldn't be fair to Mr. Smith, who overall played an outstanding game (26/38, 294 yards, 3 TD / 1 INT), quite possibly his best game of the season. That sack is not why the Chiefs lost this game, anymore than the timeout was.
Mind you, I'm not excusing those things, but there's only one reason yesterday ended as it did, and "Fat" Andy owes us, the paying public, the backers of the Red and Gold, one HELLUVA explanation for the single most indefensible, inexcusable, absolutely jaw-dropping stupid decision he made over and over again, on that final drive, that saved the Chargers season, and put a serious blow into the Chiefs championship aspirations.
Not just "Fat" Andy, but "Bulldog" Bob Sutton? I've got a question for you sir.
My question is simple, and it demands an answer. And my question is this:
What in God's name is Quintin Demps doing on the field with the game on the line?
No, really -- what in the name of God Himself is Quintin Demps doing on the field, with the outcome of the game not clearly known?
This is two straight weeks Mr. Demps has been toasted by the opposition. The donkeys used him as their own personal urinal last Sunday night. eric decker and demaryious thomas had to be drooling, lining up and seeing number 35 in your programs across the line of scrimmage from them.
Just for grins and giggles -- fine: cruel pain and punishing torture -- I pulled up the GameCenter early this week for the recap. Usually I don't even look at that, until I'm confirming down and distance, or clock accuracy. I wanted to read Quintin Demps' "defense" the last couple weeks for myself. Brace yourself -- you're going to want to hurl an inanimate object against the wall, by the time I'm done.
Week Ten: at denver.
* 3rd and 5, 3:28 1st quarter, ball at denver 21. Demps gets burned for 70 yards by demaryious thomas, setting up the donkeys with goal to go.
* 3rd and 2, 9:58 2nd quarter, ball at KC 6. Demps tackles knowshon moreno after a gain of five, setting up the donkeys with goal to go.
* 2nd and 10, 4:00 3rd quarter, ball at denver 46. Demps gives up a 7 yard completion to wes welker. The following play, Demps gives up a 33 yard completion to eric decker. Demps completes the trifecta of abject incompetence by drawing a flag for being the 12th man on the field three plays later.
Those are the plays the Play by Play gives Quintin Demps, credit for being a part of on defense.
(And please, spare me the "well, he's a valuable special teams contributor". First of all, he's not. He's a league average return man at best, and he contributes nothing in terms of coverage, since he's the primary return man on most punts. Secondly, if someone has to use the "well, he's a valuable special teams contributor" line as a defense for your sucking so bad, that I am openly questioning your spot on the roster? You're not a "valuable" contributor, period. My God, I am fuming mad this morning at Mr. Demps. FUMING mad.)
Week Eleven: vs San Diego.
* 3rd and 3, 13:58 2nd quarter, ball at KC 43. Demps tackles Antonio Gates after a gain of two. The play is initially ruled as a first down, but "Fat" Andy Reid (in yet another brain fart yesterday) challenged the spot, and won the challenge. The Chargers immediately convert 4th and 1, and continue their drive (which eventually ended in a punt, which makes me question Mike McCoy's competence as well ... but we'll get to that when the recap truly begins.)
* 3rd and 20, 5:12 2nd quarter, ball at San Diego 10. Demps tackles Ryan Mathews after a gain of ten; Chargers punt. Hey, a competent, quality, "he did good" play out of Ol' Quint! Finally!
* 2nd and 10, 0:29, 2nd quarter, ball at KC 27. Keenan Allen makes a sixteen yard catch, tackled by Demps, who had coverage. Chargers score on the very next play.
Get ready folks -- this is about to get really, really ugly ...
* 3rd and 10, 14:16 3rd quarter, ball at SD 28. Demps gets burned by Eddie Royal to the tune of 54 yards, setting the Chargers up at the Chiefs 18 yard line.
* 2nd and 6, 13:36 3rd quarter, ball at KC 14. Ryan Mathews breaks it offtackle, to be tackled by Demps at the Chiefs 1 yard line. San Diego scored on the following play.
* 1st and 10, 1:40 3rd quarter, ball at KC 48. Keenan Allen, after Mr. Demps botches the coverage, takes a simple swing pass twenty yards to the Chiefs 28. Mr. Demps did manage to make the tackle. After, you know, blowing the coverage and allowing a play designed to get 5 yards, to get 20.
* 3rd and 13, 12:57 4th quarter, ball at KC 13. Demps successfully defends a pass intended for LaDarius Green. Chargers kick the field goal, to pull to within one at 28-27.
* 3rd and 2, 8:03 4th quarter, ball at SD 40. (scott parks voice) Oh God. In a sign of what was horribly to come, Ol' Quint gets burned for sixty yards and the touchdown by LaDarius Green. To say this hot-as-hell blogger was having a full-on meltdown at this point, screaming very foul and obscene words to describe his opinions of Mr. Demps' "efforts" and "pass defense", would be an understatement. I was fuming mad that he was on the field.
I was about to get angrier.
* 1st and 10, 0:57 4th quarter, ball at SD 34. Phyllis Rivers completes a simple checkdown to Danny Woodhead, that turns into a 19 yard gain. For the second damned time in forty minutes, a simple checkdown play designed to get 4-5 yards and keep the drive going, was turned into a big first down against Quintin Demps.
I was about to get really, really angry, in a moment.
* 2nd and 15, 0:31 4th quarter, ball at KC 26. Touchdown, Rivers to Seyi Ajirotutu. WHO? Your defender on the play? Of course! Quintin F*cking Demps!
We'll get into whether that was a catch or not in a little bit (hint: it wasn't, and how Walt Coleman, whose rank incompetence and utter lack of the rules of officiating were on full, embarrassing display for the nation to see yesterday, ruled that a ball that clearly hit the damned turf, that this Ajiro jackass clearly did not maintain control of, and that clearly was an incomplete pass by any elementary application of the rules of the sport).
But folks? The Chiefs lost that game for one reason, and one reason only, and that is Quintin "F*cking" Demps. Congrats, Quintin. I have not despised a Chiefs player as much as I despise you, since bill bartee was sh*tting all over himself every Sunday in the early 2000s. From now on, you will be referred to as quintin "f*cking" demps, because simply seeing you on the field, makes 78,625 in attendance, and a couple hundred thousand watching at home in our fine metropolitan area, to immediately scream "f*ck! demps is on the field!" You also have more than earned your de-capitalization of your name.
(And I didn’t even raise the dropped interception in the end zone. quintin, that was no bueno.)
If quintin "f*cking" demps is dressed on Sunday, I might be spending a third week this season in the lovely coronary unit at Shawnee Mission Medical Center. Only this time, I'll be the one needing medical care.
Now, having gotten that off my chest, there actually was a lot of positive news out there yesterday, especially on offense. And to be fair, quintin "f*cking" demps isn't the only member of the Chiefs secondary who should be whipped behind the woodshed this morning. Take a bow, Brandon Flowers. You SUCKED yesterday, sir! Marcus Cooper? No bueno, tito! NO BUENO! And I see you avoiding my death stare over there, Eric Berry. Yeah, you, 29! You were ... hang on, let me do this properly. Chuck?
(charles barkley voice) You were TURRIBLE, Eric. TURRIBLE!
Truly, it does take a group effort to yield ... hang on, let me pull up the stats.
It truly does take a group effort, to give up 392 yards of passing, fail to record an interception on a windy, cold day that saw Phyllis Rivers put the ball up for grabs 39 times, and knock Ol' Phyllis on his keester exactly once all afternoon long. (Which, to be fair, is actually an improvement from last Sunday. Oy.)
And yet, despite it all -- and let this sink in folks. The Chargers not only scored 38 points in a 30 minute stretch of time, they put up 31 on the Chiefs in the second half. For the ENTIRE SEASON entering yesterday, the Chiefs had allowed 13 second half points at Arrowhead. And yet, there the Chiefs were, without their two best defenders, with a shaky offensive line, no receiving threat to speak of other than Donnie Avery (who had his finest game as a Chief yesterday), and your primary offensive weapon useless given the situation, there they were, at their own 40, needing one completed pass to try the desperation field goal, and possibly steal this game despite that whole "we gave up 38 points in 29 minutes and change" reality they were dealing with.
The 2013 Chiefs may be a lot of things, but they most assuredly are not something the 2012 Chiefs were.
"This next 1:22, is why we pay to be here." -- text from me to The Voice of Reason, after the Chiefs took the lead 38-34, with 1:22 to play.
I know we lost. In the words of the late, great Randall Carlyle Wakefield, "I may be stupid, but I ain't that stupid!" But admit it -- that was a fun game yesterday, and if the Chiefs defense had held, if the offense had picked up those fifteen yards to try the long field goal, or if something had happened to deliver the win to the Chiefs, we'd be calling this thing what it was: one helluva entertaining contest that never left you bored, or relaxed.
It was fun. And that's what football is supposed to be -- fun. It's what 2012 wasn't.
Which is why (allen ludden voice) the password for how to feel today, is "perspective".
One year ago today, the Chiefs gave what was up to that point their finest effort of the season, a 17-9 defeat at Arrowhead to peyton manning and the denver broncos. The loss dropped the Chiefs to 1-10, mathematically eliminated them from postseason consideration, and for many Chiefs fans, represented rock bottom. This team had fallen so far, so fast, that we couldn't see the surface. It was a season covered with darkness, defeat, and despair.
And then, it went pitch black.
On Sunday, when you make your way to Arrowhead, or your couch, or your local watering hole, think back to what you were doing on Saturday, December 1, 2012 -- the darkest day in franchise history. The day Jovan Belcher placed eight bullets in his fiance and the mother of his child, then drove to Arrowhead, and killed himself in front of his coaches and the general manager, as police were moments away from arriving to arrest him for the heinous crime he was guilty of.
And then think of where you are, and what you are doing, exactly 365 days later.
The Chiefs lost a game Sunday. They haven't lost the war; if anything, the Chiefs still have the upper hand because they have that game here on Sunday. Win on Sunday, and yesterday fades into the background, as it should.
But oh, what a golden opportunity the Chiefs whizzed away yesterday.
* The weekend started midday Saturday, when Mona and I began the shopping for the next day. Ron and his crew were handling the main course, but that left us on alcohol duty. How can I put this delicately ... well hell, there is no way to be delicate about it.
First, she had noticed the Conoco on 47th Street had a sale on Barefoot wines. Figuring that'd make for a decent drink for after dinner, we swung in, and according to my receipt, I promptly spent $22.07 on a couple bottles of moscato, and a couple white zin's. (None of the four of those, saw daylight Sunday morning. All gone.)
Which then led to the most ridiculous purchasing spree of my life. Our next stop was the CVS on Woodson, as they usually have decent prices, and we needed to get a few things.
I grabbed a hand cart, headed over to the liquor aisle, and grabbed a couple bottles of peppermint schnapps for the Benchwarmers. I was going to grab a pint of whiskey for the game, but was told that had already been done by Russ earlier in the week. Sweet, that's $10 I'm not spending.
And then, we turned to the wine rack.
(scott parks voice) Oh God.
I turned to Mona when she saw the prices, she looked at me, and I simply said "I'll be back", and went to get a cart. I want to stress, we went to CVS to buy two bottles of peppermint schnapps. That's it.
Eighteen bottles of wine later, we pushed the cart to the front. Now, I've found myself in some crazy situations before, and I've certainly been stared at in a "what is this dude's deal?" way many a time. I'm not sure I've ever seen the look on the face of the very nice elderly ladies in line behind us, as bottle after bottle of wine and liquor -- purchased in a freaking CVS, a freaking pharmacy for crying out loud -- was placed on the counter for purchase.
So, ("30 for 30" announcer dude voice) what if I told you, that this is what was purchased:
* 4 bottles of Martini and Rossi champagne
* 2 bottles of peppermint schnapps.
* 2 bottles of a riesling Mona likes that wasn't half bad.
* 2 bottles of the new line of Barefoot products.
* 4 bottles of Relax riesling.
* 2 bottles of Fourteen Hands merlot.
* 4 more bottles of something.
What would you put the price at? Twenty bottles of booze, at least six of which (the Relax and Fourteen Hands) usually retails for around $12 / bottle, and four of which (the champagne) usually retails at $15 / bottle?
And ... time.
(john davidson voice) That's incredible!
* After hitting up the Apple Market to grab a few last second items, we decided to stop in the Double for a few drinks … and lo and behold, it was the annual REAP Auction that we’d totally forgot about. Wish I’d gotten there sooner – not just because REAP* is an outstanding program that I happily donate to multiple times a year, but because there were some pretty sweet prizes. A Miller Lite stadium-style chair. A set of Callaway’s. A beautiful Coors Light charcoal grill. A concealed carry class (that somehow raised nearly twice its value. Sorry folks, but I will never own a gun, I will never fire a gun, and this nation would be a helluva lot better off if about 85% of the firearms out there, were destroyed. I know I’m right about this.) Some lovely dinner packages, some lovely hair and beauty packages, and other assorted items.
After a few vodka tonics, it was time to get ready for the evening.
(*: REAP = Raytown Emergency Assistance Program. It’s an organization that various local businesses have started, that provides emergency funding to families in dire need (aka “pay rent or get evicted”, fix the heater the night before a blizzard, provide the groceries, etc.) We need more REAP organizations in this country, and less concealed carry courses. And again, I know I’m right on this.)
* Had the annual Eagles club "Friends and Family" dinner on Saturday night. It must have been good, because somehow myself and the neighbor Jason got talked into joining. I get initiated on Tuesday night. Whatever that means. So long as it means access to the liquor behind the bar, I'm good to go!
* What should have been the first sign that this was going to be a "what the hell?" kind of day ... I not only was the last one to wake up on Sunday morning, I not only had to be woken up, but Anthony texted me with the "on our way" text before I woke up. Let's just say, someone enjoyed those bottles Saturday evening.
* We utilized the early-in pass again yesterday. There were eight on the Bus -- the six usuals, plus a few friends of Anthony and Jaimmie's. I suppose this is where I once again extend a "thanks guys!" to the Chiefs parking attendants manning Gate 5 -- they still have yet to ask for the $38 due for being an oversized vehicle.
* The gates opened at 7am yesterday. Was it cold? Yes. Did Arrowhead Nation give a damn? Nope.
* A couple more friends pulled in right after 7, and Roger and his guys rolled in about 7:15. They did not get off their bus until nearly 9:30, because "it's too cold outside". Good God. What pansies.
For the record, it was 6 degrees when we arrived. It didn't move up much, in the ensuing nine hours. But it was nowhere near as brutal, as I thought it would be. And I'll grant you, I am the worst person to ask about how to deal with cold. I think any day where your first thought upon stepping outside is not "whoa, kinda warm and sunny today. Buh bye t-shirt!"? Is too cold of a day to be outside in. But yesterday was bearable. It certainly was bearable enough to be outside in an enclosed tailgating area with a couple grills and heaters going.
* The first thing we did, was immediately get the easy-ups set up. That part actually went well, and we had a decent sized room to tailgate in by the time the mad dash out of Gate 6 began right at 7am. But that's about the only thing that worked yesterday.
* The propane heater didn't work at first. Didn't matter what Russ did to it, that puppy would not fire. Someone finally managed to get it to work around 8am. But that wasn't our biggest crisis. Because ...
* Someone (* cough me cough *) forgot to verify the generator had gasoline in it. Most weeks, this isn't a big deal, because (a) we usually use a grill (charcoal or propane), and don't need a power strip. Or, (b) if we do need one for a crock pot, if worse comes to worse, we can use the microwave on Roger’s bus to heat things up. But this week, we needed that power strip -- we weren't grilling anything, other than using the grill for some warmth, and to heat up the Benchwarmers and apple pie shots. Ron had gotten about halfway done with the main course, when we lost power, because someone (* cough me cough *) forgot to verify the generator had been filled. Thankfully, the horn-mad morons across the street actually had some gasoline, and generously shared enough to get through the tailgate. And yet, even that wasn't our biggest crisis, because ...
* The channel adapter wasn't working. I mean, that thing was dead as a doornail. No big deal, I thought -- I'll just swap out the batteries. I knew we had a healthy collection of AAAs on there. But it still wouldn't work. Didn't matter what battery combination I used, it would not fire up. Which meant we had no music. This was problematic.
To be fair, the adapter is pushing ten years old at this point, and it probably needs to be upgraded. The thing certainly isn't hijacking 88.1 FM like it did two years ago; there's still times when someone else using an adapter in our area, takes the station over at our expense. (Note: I'm on this. I'll stop in at Radio Shack and Target at Ward Parkway, sometime this week, and replace it. You simply don't take chances when the denver broncos are involved. Plus, I need to buy a pinata that looks like a jackass, for the "Beat the Life Out of Bronkey!" game we're all looking forward to. Well, ok -- that I'm looking forward to. I just haven't figured out whose repulsive mug to put on as the head, john elway or peyton manning. Oh, and by "head", I mean their mug shot is going on the jackass', uuh, ass.)
But anyways, back to the story. Finally, I find a battery combination that works. I get the channel to finally tune into 88.1 (it's a funky radio; you can't adjust one frequency at a time, you have to be getting a signal from that frequency, for the radio to tune to it. Hence the need for the adapter to work.)
And then, the speakers aren't working.
(brian griffin voice***) What the hell?
It's like a walking comedy at this point, only it's not even remotely funny. To say I was getting p*ssed, is an understatement. Finally, after forty five minutes of frustration, I walk into the camp site, and pour myself a gigantic glass of apple pie shots. Not a shot glass, not even a small coffee cup. I'm talking a 32 ouncer. Go figure -- the moment I got some refreshing heated firewater in me, I figured out what was wrong, and voila, music. But man, that took a while to figure out.
(***: let's not even discuss "Family Guy" last night, ok? That did NOT help matters. (In case you missed it, Brian Griffin met his demise in last night's episode.) Rest in peace sir. Rest in peace.)
* Gotta say, I appreciate the compliments from everyone on the playlist. No fewer than six people approached me yesterday to say what a great mix it was. You're welcome. I'll keep striving to keep everyone happy. My general view on it, is that you shouldn't have to go more than 30 minutes before a song that would rank in your top 50, would come up on the random shuffle. Where else are you going to find a tailgate that (and this happened yesterday) knocks out this seven song stretch:
(a) "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter.
(b) "Somebody That I Used to Know", by Gotye.
(c) "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons.
(d) "Layla", by Derek and the Dominoes (the original).
(e) "Rolling In the Deep" by Adele.
(f) "Can't Be Touched" by Roy Jones Jr.
(g) "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe.
I hope to actually get the Mixology List posted this week. To be honest, I've gotten kind of lazy, given the blows real life has hammered on me the last couple months. I've been using the raiders playlist, and just adding a song or two as requested. This week, I have no excuse; I have two days where I'll be dogsitting with not much else to do.
As always, if there's a song you want added to the Mixology List, all you have to do is ask. No matter how much I love or despise the song, I'll put it on there. The only three songs guaranteed to play are "Penny Lover" (which is always the first one to air, no matter what), "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" (which I'll put up as the final song, if it hasn't randomly appeared already), and "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (because it's my favorite song of all time). All three had already aired by 9am Sunday.
* Ron and the Springfield folks had the main course, and we went with a breakfast theme. The pancakes were delicious. The egg casserole thingie was good. Ditto the cheezy hashbrowns. But the chicken chili, my God. Phenomenal. I'm not a big eater; half the time, it's a liquid breakfast for Chiefs games. But I had three bowls of that stuff yesterday before the game, and three more afterwards when we got back for the post-game party.
* Not much else to report. Gregg and his dad stopped by. I'm pretty sure I remember seeing Jasson and Tara. A little after 11am, we broke down what might be the last noon game tailgate for awhile*, and headed in.
(*: we host the broncos at 3:25pm on Sunday, and there's a very reasonable probability that we'll see prime time football at Arrowhead on December 22nd, when the Colts come to town. Your current Sunday nighter is Patriots at Ravens. Even if NBC doesn't flex what is four weeks out, the best game on the schedule into prime time, CBS has the double-header, and it's marquee game right now is Steelers / Packers.)
* I sat in my old seat yesterday. I don’t know why that matters, but if nothing else, this site is detail oriented.
* I missed KC Wolf’s sketch because I was standing in the concession line to get my large Coke. One unfortunate side effect of oversleeping and having to rush like a poorly trained circus animal early Sunday, is that I forgot to pack all the booze. I forgot the Southern Comfort. So it was just a Jack and Coke yesterday.
* No flyover again after the Anthem. Be honest folks: do you actually miss it?
* And ...
* ... for simplicity’s sake (and time’s as well), I’m going to stop at this point, because we’re at kickoff, and there was enough in that game to love (and be repulsed by), that I’d kind of like to do a separate post of the game itself, and of the postgame happenings. So I’ll do my damndest to get that up by tomorrow evening. I have this Eagles Club initiation tomorrow night, but I also have a “mail it in” day at work Tuesday. If commissions didn’t run tomorrow, I probably wouldn’t have even shown up this week. I still have six PTO days I have to use, seven counting the floating holiday we get for our birthday from “Company Stevo Works For”. Needless to say, December is going to be a sleep-in dream at least twice a week.
* But as tough to take as the outcome yesterday was? The game really was fun.
* And thanks to the Patriots epic comeback last night?
Sunday is without question – without question! – THE biggest regular season game Arrowhead Stadium has ever hosted. The donkeys and Chiefs have had some biggies on the hallowed turf of Arrowhead. The game that turned me into a lifetime Chiefs fan in 1986. bobby humphrey’s run in 1989. The 1992 de facto playoff game. The “Pete for President” game in 1997. The 1997 actual playoff game. The “Monday Night Meltdown” in 1998. The “Golden Toe” Game in 2000. Dante Hall in 2003. “The Stand” in 2005. Thanksgiving Night in 2006.
But Sunday? You can legitimately argue the team with the most points when the final second ticks off at about 7pm CT Sunday evening?
Is your odds on favorite, to not just bring Lamar’s Trophy to their home, but a pretty solid bet, to take that Lombardi fellow’s trophy as well. Especially if that team is denver.
Because peoples and peepettes? Sunday is for the AFC West, and home field advantage throughout the playoffs, for all intents and purposes. And if there’s any two venues no AFC team wants a part of come late January, it’s fake mile high … and Arrowhead.
A quick site preview (as of 6:54pm CT on Monday, November 25):
* Coming tomorrow: my recap and reaction to the Chargers game.
* Coming Wednesday pm or Thursday am: the non-Chiefs predictions.
* Coming Thursday pm or sometime Friday: The Mixologist’s Playlist: denver.
* Coming by midday Saturday: the Chiefs / broncos prediction.
And somewhere in there, I still want to post my tribute and thank-you, to the most biased Chiefs broadcaster in the national media, the greatness that is Dan Dierdorf. Good grief, this is going to be a busy week of writing … not that you’re complaining, right? Right? (Crickets chirping ...)