Incredibly enough ... no opening lyrics. Say wha? Sorry, but nothing from the playlist, grabbed my attention enough, to use for this post ... although a few did, for the next one that's gonna pop on this site, hopefully in the next couple days ...
--------------------
Do
y'all realize we are less than six weeks away, from preseason football? No, really – six weeks from yesterday, the
Hall of Fame Game occurs. Forty five
days from today, I’ll either be burning a PTO day at Arrowhead* … or doing what
I usually do for preseason football, and eating my tickets cards.
I
mean, once again having The Chenbot, Zingbot 3000, and good Ol' Uncle Morty in
our lives is creepy enough. But less
than seven weeks until those of us blessed enough to count ourselves as Chiefs
season ticket holders will confirm our mental instability by not just
attending, but paying to attend, preseason football? Man, this year has flown by!
No
NFL season can truly get underway, until this certifiable lunatic, posts the season's
NFL Coaches Power Poll ... and in a "what are the bleeping odds -- no,
really, what are the bleeping odds!" coincidence, this post? Is your 2014 Stevo's NFL Coaches Power
Poll! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------
(*:
as always, the weather controls whether I show up, for a Thursday night
preseason game or not. If it’s 92 plus
and not a cloud in the sky, hell yes I’m showing up to get some sun and have a
few libations. If it’s 79 and
raining? Not a chance in hell.)
--------------------
First,
a quick primer on how this thing works.
The first NFL Coaches Power Poll was informally done by "The Voice
of Reason" and I, one Sunday evening back in the fall of 2000, when we
were debating whether or not Gunther Cunningham should see year three at the
helm of the Chiefs. I think we
ultimately decided Ol' Gun ranked somewhere in the high 20s (which is not good)
out of the 31 head coaches** the League employed at that point. Ever since then, I've done the same thing to
kick off the season -- ranking these thirty two gentlemen in reverse order of
"would I want this guy coaching the Chiefs".
If
you are ranked #1? You are Chuck Noll
awesome.
If
you are ranked #32? You are Rich Kotite
awful.
And
every coach listed after you to appear? I'd
rather have coaching the Chiefs, instead of you. For example, if "Fat" Andy Reid
comes in at #6 (and he's not ... although damned close, to #6), that means there are five current NFL head coaches, I'd take
over "Fat" Andy to coach the Chiefs ... and twenty seven current NFL head coaches, I'd
take "Fat" Andy over to coach the Chiefs.
Oh,
and in the interest of fairness, my favorite NFL head coach of all time is the
beloved (on this site at least) Wayne "Ol' Buck" Fontes, so always keep in mind, when
reading what I think of your team's head coach, that Ol' Buck himself, a man
mocked on NFL PrimeTime as "Rasputin" for a decade, a man who once kept his job
because his owner told the assembled media "well, I didn't fire him, and
he didn't offer to quit, so I guess (Wayne) will be back next season", that guy? Is my favorite coach of all time.
--------------------
(**:
here’s how horrific the 2000 Coaching Poll would have been -- the following
brain trusts, oversaw game day, for various NFL franchise, during the 2000
season:
Dave
Wannstedt (Dolphins)
Al
Groh (Jets)
Wade
“Son of Bum” Phillips (Bills)
Bruce
Coslet and Dick LeBeau (Bengals)
Chris
Palmer (Browns)
Gunther
“Confident and Classy” Cunningham (Chiefs)
Mike
Riley (“Super” Chargers)
Norval
Eugene Turner AND (I forget which) Pepper Rodgers or Terry Robiskie! (Redskins)
Dave
Campo (Cowboys)
Vince
Tobin and Dave McGinnis (“Super” Cardinals)
Bob
Ross and Gary Moeller (Lions)
Dick
Jauron (Bears)
Mike
Martz (Rams)
George
Seifert (Panthers)
And
lying in wait …
Dom
Capers (Texans; still two seasons away, from beginning operations).
That’s
FIFTEEN sh*ttacular coaches! And that
doesn’t even count the somewhat shifty and shady ones I didn’t mention, such
as:
Jim
Mora Sr (Colts – never won a playoff game)
Jim
Fassel (Giants, who somehow won the NFC in 2000)
“Drunk”
Dennis Green (Vikings, who somehow almost won the NFC in 2000)
Mike
Sherman (Packers, who compared to Ray Rhodes before him, was an upgrade)
Jim
Haslett (Saints, who somehow won the division in 2000)
Steve
Mariucci (49ers, who wasn’t as bad as you remember)
“Drunk”
Dan Reeves (Falcons, who was washed up at this point).
That’s
TWENTY TWO, of the thirty two eventual openings, in which – and admit it, I’m
right – you wouldn’t hire that guy to run your franchise today … and you’d
question your intelligence, for hiring them fifteen years ago! (john davidson voice) That’s incredible!
And
for the record, the ten gentlemen I did not list as (damien voice) grouse
examples of incompetence, beyond zues in nature:
Bill
Belichick (Patriots, who everyone thought would be, in the list above, after
the 2000 season)
Jeff
Fisher (Titans)
Brian
Billick (Ravens, who I think is the most underrated coach, of the last twenty
years)
Bill
Cowher (Steelers)
Tom
Coughlin (Jaguars)
Jon
Gruden (raiders)
mike
shanarat (satan’s squad)
Mike
Holmgren (Seahawks)
“Fat”
Andy Reid (Eagles)
Tony
Dungy (Bucs)
Only
TWO NFC head coaches in 2000, would be worth hiring today, in hindsight. (Pause).
Yeah, that kinda, sorta does explain the Giants miraculous run to the
Super Bowl, now that I think about it …)
--------------------
Here'slast year's rankings, for what they're worth.
Sadly, we lost some coaching "giants" this past offseason. No more Gary Kubiak to mock. No more rat and/or rodent jokes about
shanarat. No more dudes named Leslie to
mock. And incredibly, the Browns now
employ a coach whose last name I can spell!
I
guess it just goes to show you***.
Sometimes?
Change
sucks.
--------------------
(***:
true story time! I spent Saturday
helping out the Second Parents with a garage sale, and other assorted things
that needed to get done before the big “Mona’s Birthday / Fourth of July” four
day bender about to unfold beginning Thursday afternoon, and we would up having
dinner at El Maguey on Raytown Road.
(God, I love El Maguey.) Anyhoo,
Russ had bartender duties that night at the Eagles club, so on the way home, we dropped him off at the club.
The path to the club takes me right by my future home, Two Rivers
Psychiatric Facility. I have been
driving by this place routinely for pushing fifteen years now … and Saturday was the first time I have ever noticed, that they have a walking path, for their
patients. (Pause). What?
(Pause). You’re damned right I
deal with stress at work, by grabbing that squeeze ball thingy, and pacing the
crime-riddled sidewalks, of 112th Street, venting out loud about the
latest screw-up (insert co-worker here) did, that will require a couple hours
of my time, to fix.
I
mention this, because I just want to compliment Two Rivers Psychiatric Facility,
for already planning, for my future arrival.
No, really – you guys ARE the best!
(Pause). What? (Pause).
Yeah, that’s true. (chess player
voice) Your move, Charter.)
--------------------
32.
Jim “Corpse” Caldwell, Detroit Lions.
How in the name of God did Ol' Jimbo get another crack at the head
coaching gig? I mean really, Ford
family? You have competent, quality,
proven winners out there like Lovie Smith, Ken Whizenhunt, even mike shanarat
for God’s sake, and you decide Jim “Corpse” Caldwell is your best candidate? I truly don't know what stuns me more
sometimes: the fact that Lions fans don't go all Jonestowny on us every Sunday,
watching yet another horrific season play out ... or that somehow, Ford is the
American automaker that didn't need a government bailout to stay afloat. How can you be at least semi-credible at
running 1/7th of the United States economy, and so sh*tty at running a NFL
franchise? This might be the most
unforgivable hire in a very, very long time -- at least since the Kansas City
Chiefs removed the word "interim" from Romeo Crennel's official
title.
(And
on a side note: has ANY coordinator in NFL history fooled more people with one
“not a chance in hell itself it ever happens again” play call, than Jim
“Corpse” Caldwell, on the bomb from Flacco to Jacoby Jones that gave satan’s
squad what they deserves, in the Divisional Round two seasons ago? If Jacoby Jones drops that ball, if Joe
Flacco throw it like, uuh, Joe Flacco usually would, if (anything but a) champ
bailey actually plays like his usual self on the play, is Jim “Corpse” Caldwell
drawing a salary from anything other than unemployment? It’s probably good nobody in Detroit has the
money, to shell out to watch this debacle in person.)
31.
Joe Philbin, Miami Dolphins. How did
this guy survive to see another season?
Poor on-field results. A locker
room of hazing and questionable behavior that he looks the other way on. Plus, I keep finding it nearly impossible to
avoid calling the dude Regis.
30.
"Drunk" dennis allen, oakland raiders. Taking his place in a long, long line of
questionable "what the hell did they see in that dude?" hirings your
(because God knows they ain't mine) oakland raiders have engaged in. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are your
(because, again, they sure as hell ain't mine) oakland raiders head coaches
over the last twenty five years.
(Pause). You might want to get a
stiff, stiff cocktail ready, to read this.
*
mike shanahan (1988-early 1989). Who not
only is still owed millions of dollars by the davis family, he's taken the
stiffing so well, he had Elvis Grbac intentionally throw at al davis a few
times, in the 1994 Monday Night opener. Sadly
that night, Elvis Grbac threw like, well, uuh, Elvis Grbac, and missed mr.
davis’ head. Ain't we lucky we got 'em? Good Times!
*
Art Shell (early 1989-1994). Somehow,
the raiders made the playoffs three times in the first Shell era -- 1990 (the
Bo Jackson Injury game), 1991 (Arrowhead's first playoff game, seven straight
false starts by the (then) la raiders), and 1993 (beating Son O' Bum in his only playoff appearance with
the donkeys).
Also,
Art Shell was (if you believe revisionist history) the first black coach in NFL
history. And just like the first black
President in this nation’s history, he makes you question at times, why we value diversity
as a society.
*
Mike White (1995-1996). The 1995 oakland
raiders opened 8-1, their only defeat coming in overtime at Arrowhead. They finished 8-8.
*
Joe Bugle (1997). The 1997 oakland
raiders did not open 8-1, and they did not finish in range of .500. But Andre Rison did burn al davis' house
down. If you know what I mean. (the great dan dierdorf voice)
"Unfortunately, we do! (laughing uncontrollably)"
*
Jon Gruden (1998-2001). The only
semblance of competence. With the
highlight, of course, being The Tuck Rule game.
*
"Sur" William Callahan (2002-2003).
Setting the stage for half a decade of incompetence, confusion, and utter disaster, that your Nebraska Cornhuskers, are still trying to dig out
from under.
*
Norv Turner (2004-2005). Or, as PFT
nicknamed him, "Stanley Roper".
(Pause). What? (Pause).
Yeah, it is a shame at least half the people reading this, have no idea who Stanley Roper was.
*
Art Shell (2006). Giving a second rise
to the "Art Shell Face".
*
Lane Kiffin (2007-early 2008). al davis'
last semblance of sanity, was that presser where he fired Ol' Lane with cause.
*
Tom Cable (early 2008-2010). Won the
last nine divisional games he coached, yet was fired anyway. The Seahawks are thankful for that.
*
Hue Jackson (2011). Gambled the next
five years, on the Carson Palmer trade.
Whoops.
*
"drunk" dennis allen (2012-present).
He's 8-24. His team is all but a
lock to be the AFC West's red-headed stepchild again. My way of saying, I'd rent, "drunk"
denny. Rent, not buy.
29.
"Riverboat" Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers. Who not only owns the distinction of being
the only head coach in the NFL that Brady Quinn can beat. That's not a good combination. And spare me the "the Panthers went 12-4
and won their division!" defense.
Barry Switzer's first three seasons went 12-4, 12-4, 10-6, with three
division titles, five playoff wins, and a Lombardi to boot. Anyone gonna argue that Barry Switzer was a
credible, competent NFL head coach?
(Other than me, of course)? I
didn't think so.
28.
Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys. I think
we're rapidly approaching "what the hell does Jason Garrett have on Jerry
Jones" territory with this employment.
Kind of like the "what the hell does Carlton Gray have on Carl
Peterson" era from the late 1990s.
(I still argue it was clown porn, if only because the visual of Carl
Peterson taking it to poundtown, while wearing a clown costume, is utterly
hysterical to picture.) Jason Garrett is
a mediocre (I'd argue overrated) boring head coach. To bastardize the great Dean Wormer:
"mediocre, overrated, and boring is no way to go through life, son".
27.
Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins. I
actually think Jay is a really good coach, but there isn't any way he'll look
it, coaching that dysfunctional franchise.
26. Mike Pettine, Cleveland Browns. In the interest of full disclosure, I tend to
be harder on first year coaches, than most people. In the interest of full disclosure, he’s the
Browns eighth – eighth! – head coach in the fifteen years since the NFL
tragically and indefensibly, returned the Browns to Cleveland. Your previous seven? Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Terry Robiskie,
Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, Pat Shurmur, Rob Chudzinski. Their combined record? 77-164, including their lone playoff berth
(and defeat).
Good luck Mike.
Because I’d lay even odds, you’ll be yet another victim of unemployment
in Mr. Obama’s America, within eighteen months.
25. Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans. Can we please have a moment of levity
here? Bill O’Brien only went 15-9 at
Penn State. That’s it. His fifteen wins?
Vs Navy, vs Temple, at Illinois, vs Northwestern, at Iowa, at
Purdue, vs Iowa, vs Wisconsin (OT); vs Syracuse, vs Eastern Michigan, vs Kent
State, vs Michigan (4 OT), vs Illinois (OT), vs Purdue, at Wisconsin.
Other than somehow sweeping Wisconsin? Circle me thoroughly unimpressed.
Can we also please have a moment of levity here? Can you identify a single coach from the
Belichick coaching family tree, that’s mattered worth a damn?
Six previous Belichick assistants, have become NFL head
coaches. Which one of these fine
gentlemen, do you want running your NFL franchise – Romeo Crennel? Al Groh?
Josh McDaniels? Eric
Mangini? Nick Saban? Jim Schwartz?
I feel bad for Texans fans.
They deserve far, far better than Bill O’Brien. Because they deserve far, far, far, far, far
better, in a general manager, than the incompetent Rick Smith, can ever
deliver.
24. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars. Circle me thoroughly impressed so far. To win four games with that team, when they
didn’t register a first down – or cross midfield – in his debut last fall until the number in the quarter box on the scoreboard said "4", is
nothing short of impressive. I also
loved the Blake Bortles pick. (Note to
Jaguars fans: be afraid. Be very
afraid. All I can say is, thank God “The
Herm” isn’t available online anymore, because you’ll never meet someone more
geeked for Brodie Croyle to take over under center for the Chiefs, than I
was. Career record? 0-9.)
23. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers. I’ve never been a fan, going back to the
Grbac / Gannon days (when Mr. McCarthy was the Chiefs QB coach). Yes, he has a Super Bowl win. So what?
George Seifert has two. And
NOBODY is going to hire George Seifert, to even walk the dog to the curb, that
poor pooch would wind up squished by a semi-truck by the time Mr. Seifert was
done, with said walking said dog to said curb.
22. Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings. Of all the offseason hires, this one
intrigues me the most. In the interest
of full disclosure, I LOVE Mike Zimmer.
If the Vikings gambled right on Teddy Bridgewater (and I think they
might have … although again, I’m in the minority, in thinking Blake Bortles is
the real deal, and will be the best QB to come out of this year’s draft), they
can absolutely return to the playoffs -- as soon as this year.
21. “Sexy” Rexy Ryan, New York Jets. The poster child for the “is a brilliant
coordinator, but in over his head as a head coach”, uuh, head coach. For all his initial success? He’s 42-38 in the regular season as a head
coach (and that only improves to 46-40, if you add in the playoffs).
20. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals. One of two “wait, are they really all that
good?” head coaches still drawing a paycheck in this league (along with the
gentleman appearing next). Incredibly,
this will be Mr. Lewis’ 12th season as a NFL head coach (all with
the Bengals). Incredibly, he has yet to
win a playoff game.
19. Jeff Fisher, St. Louis Rams. Here’s the dirty little secret of this
League: Jeff Fisher is mediocre, at best, as a head coach. For example …
* He hasn’t won a playoff game since 2003. No, really – this will be his eleventh season
as a head coach, since his last postseason win.
* He’s had two winning seasons, in those last ten seasons as
a head coach.
* He’s finished higher than third in the division, twice in
those ten seasons – 2006 (when he finished 2nd, went 8-8, and
whizzed away a playoff berth by getting blown out at home in the regular season
finale) and 2008 (when he went 13-3, and then crapped out to the Ravens in the
divisional round). Every other
season? 3rd or 4th
… although that 3rd place finish in 2007 did yield a playoff berth
(when the Colts made “Sur” William Callahan proud in the regular season finale,
to get the Titans in, as the six seed).
* He’s 28-35-1 in his last four seasons as a head coach, all
of which saw his teams finish .500 or worse.
* 9 of his 18 full seasons as a head coach, have seen his
teams win 7 or 8 games. NINE!
If you want mediocrity, with an occasional playoff
season? Jeff Fisher’s your guy!
And no, we STILL haven’t reached the Official “Stevo’d Be
Cool With This Guy Coaching the Chiefs” line.
18. Tom Coughlin, New York Giants. Although we’re getting damned close. I loved seeing Tom Coughlin on the sidelines
of Arrowhead last fall … although not for reasons that Giants fans would
love. Sorry, but eventually, the game
passes even the best of coaches, by.
(Sadly, there’s a reason Chuck Noll – who I consider to be the greatest
coach in NFL history – never coached again, after “retiring” from the Steelers,
following the 1991 season.)
17. Doug Marrone, Buffalo Bills. And we’ve now reached the “I’m cool with this
dude coaching the Chiefs” line! (kazoo
voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since I know most
KU fans don’t give a rip about Syracuse, let me put what he accomplished in his
previous stop into perspective. He
pulled off what Mark Mangino did, in half the time. And he replaced a far, far, far worse head coach,
than Terry Allen was. (He replaced Greg
Robinson … yes, THAT Greg Robinson.) Had
a solid debut season in Buffalo, and only figures to improve from here.
16. Lovie Smith, Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This is more a praise of the fifteen
gentlemen remaining, than a criticism of Ol’ Lovie. Bucs fans might not see improvement in the
win column in year one, but by year three, Lovie will have this team routinely
competing for playoff berths … and then spectacularly failing to reach, said
postseason, due to some epic week sixteen or seventeen indefensible meltdown,
that leads you to question, why he’s ranked at exactly the midpoint, of the NFL
head coaches, in this poll.
15. Mike McCoy, San Diego “Super” Chargers. Chiefs fans, let me put into perspective, the
job Mike McCoy accomplished in year one, in America’s loveliest city. He not only made the playoffs in his
inaugural season, he won a playoff game once he got there. To put this in perspective? Only TWO head coaches in Chiefs history, have
made the playoffs in their inaugural season.
(That would be Herm Edwards in 2006, and “Fat” Andy Reid last
year.) Fellow Chiefs fans? NO Chiefs head coach, has won a playoff game,
in his first season at the helm, of our beloved franchise. (Although to be fair, “Fat” Andy came damned,
damned close … and so did Herm, for about the first fifty two minutes, out of
the sixty played.)
14. Mike Smith, Atlanta Falcons. You can make a credible argument, that you
can’t judge a head coach, until he faces a season of adversity. Mike Smith finally did last year, for the
first time in his six years at the helm of the Falcons. (It was their first losing season, under Mr.
Smith.) How the Falcons rebound this
year, will likely determine his legacy.
(If I’m ranking him 14th, here’s a hint: I ain’t expecting a
rebound.)
13. Marc Trestman, Chicago Bears. I love this guy irrationally … but not even I
can rank him ahead, of the twelve remaining coaches. Not until he reaches the postseason. Which, granted, he was one miraculous Aaron
Rodgers Hail Mary fling away, from reaching last season.
12. Ken Whizenhunt, Tennessee Titans. As my buddy Pickell would say, “put it this
way”: if Jake Locker is a legitimate NFL quarterback? The Titans are winning the AFC South seven of
the next ten years, Andrew Luck be damned.
Whizenhunt is that solid, of a coach.
The man rode a broke down Kurt Warner to two division titles and a Super
Bowl berth for God’s sake. Let me repeat
that: Ken Whizenhunt coached a 402 year old Kurt Warner of the Arizona “Super”
Cardinals, to a Super Bowl. If
anything? 12th, is too damned
low of a ranking.
11. Omar Epps, Pittsburgh Steelers. I know, it’s Mike Tomlin, but good Lord, were
Omar and Mikey switched at birth or what?
Mr. Tomlin’s in no jeopardy with another lost season – the Steelers are
the most loyal organization in professional sports, when it comes to their head
coach. (They haven’t fired one, since
1968.) And in the interest of fairness,
if Ryan Succup hits from 41 (or, more accurately, the refs flag the Chargers
for illegal formation on the miss, and Succup hits from 36), the Steelers
travel to Cincy on Wildcard Sunday, instead of the “Super” Chargers. Still, a couple more 7-9 / 8-8 seasons might
lead the Rooneys to fire a strength and conditioning coach, and we wouldn’t
want to see that, would we?
10. Bruce Arians, Arizona “Super” Cardinals. I wonder how much Omar Epps regrets firing …
excuse me, “strong-arming” … Bruce Arians into retirement two years ago? And I wonder how many “thank you for that
brain fart!” cards of gratitude Omar has received in the last two years, from
Colts and “Super” Cardinals fans?
9. Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles. A phenomenal debut season, winning the NFC
East, nearly beating the Saints in the wild card game, and apparently finding
the quarterback of the future in Nick Foles.
Again – I LOVE Chip Kelly … as a college coach. I still have serious doubts his system can
work in the pros. But everyone thought
Jerry Jones was a bat sh*t crazy loon, for firing Tom Landry, and replacing him
with Jimmy Johnson. And everyone that’s
a college football fan, thought Oklahoma was nuts, for hiring Bob Stoops to run
this thing called a “spread formation” back in 1999 … and Texas Tech was even
daffier, for hiring his offensive coordinator, Mike Leach, to implement the
spread at that alleged institute of higher learning**, a year later.
(**: another true story: my favorite t-shirt from my college
years, was one my roommate had. “UT and
A&M: United By Hate … And The Fact That Tech Isn’t A Real School!” Never failed to make me laugh.)
8. Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks. If you had told seventeen year old me, twenty
years ago, screaming in horror in his folks basement “Jesus! It’s a fake!
It’s a fake spike! What the … NO! NO!
(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!) NO!!!!! HOW
CAN YOU MISS THAT, YOU MOTHER (BLEEP!
BLEEP! BLEEP) CARROLL!”, if you’d
told that hot-as-hell dude screaming in horror that afternoon, as Dan Marino’s
fake spike all but ended the 1994 Jets season, that Pete Carroll would become
arguably the most accomplished head coach of this generation? That Pete Carroll would be only the third
person in history, to win a NCAA D1 Championship AND a Lombardi Trophy, as the
head coach in each instance? Let’s just
say, my “scouting trip” of Two Rivers today, would have been a courtesy by me,
for you.
Seventeen year old me, refuses to believe, that Pete Carroll
is competent, and dare I say, genius.
(Oh, the only other two gentlemen to win both the NCAA and
NFL top level championship trophies?
Ironically enough, two bitter rivals from their college years, who both
coached the same pro team, and now are pretty good friends. Jimmy
Johnson, and Barry Switzer, everybody!)
7. Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints. I fear Mr. Payton has now reached the 1990s
Chiefs status no team truly wants: they’re too good to miss the playoffs;
they’re not good enough, to win once they get there.
6. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots. Can you name the only quarterback, to lead
his team to an AFC Eastern Division Championship, other than Tom Brady, since
the 2000 season concluded? The answer,
coming up … at the close of the post.
5. “Fat” Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs. In the interest of fairness, had the wildcard
game gone differently, 5 and 3 would be flipped. An incredible first season here in our fine
metropolitan community for “Fat” Andy, and while I am realistic enough (at
least at this point) to concede the 2014 Chiefs are going to take a step back …
I’m also enough of a believer in this man’s coaching ability, that eight weeks
from now, when I run the schedules and post the “most anticipated post(s) of
the year”, that I could talk myself into a “well, he won year after year in
Philly when everyone said that was a “step back” year” 11-5 repeat prediction.
And for the record? I
have never been more privileged, to be in the building, for a football game,
than I was to be in the building at Lucas Oil Field, on January 4, 2014. That game will be looked back on fifteen
years from now, with the same level of respect, admiration, and appreciation,
as Green Bay / San Francisco from January 3, 1999, is today. It’s the best game I’ve ever attended, and
probably ever will.
4. John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens. Sorry dude, but you employed #32 in this
listing, as your offensive coordinator – voluntarily. And go figure, he stunk up the joint. Can’t rank you higher than your brother,
based on that alone.
3. Chuck “Strong” Pagano, Indianapolis Colts.
I know – how the hell is a second year head coach, who is 1-2
in the playoffs, rated this highly? And
yes, the fact he’s 3-0 against the Chiefs, helps his cause.)
Here’s Part One of the trip to Indy, for the Chiefs / Colts
Wild Card Round Game.
Here’s Part Two of the trip to Indy, for the Chiefs / Colts
Wild Card Round Game.
What I still cannot get over, nearly seven bleeping months
later, is this:
Chiefs 38, Colts 10, not even ninety seconds, into the second
half.
Let me assure you – there wasn’t a Chiefs fan in the
building, who didn’t believe Husain Abdullah’s interception, and Knile Davis’ ensuing
touchdown, hadn’t sealed our first playoff win in (gulp) a generation. And there were a solid 15,000 of us in that
building, one of whom is sadly no longer with us in this journey we call life.
NOBODY wearing Red and Gold was worried. Hell, as I noted in the recap – we were
already discussing with the Springfield folks, when exactly to leave, to beat
the upcoming blizzard headed towards Indy, for our drive home.
That’s how confident Chiefs fans were, that our team was
going to win.
(Pause).
So let me also assure you – there wasn’t a Colts fan in that
building? Who left at 38-10. NONE of their fans, left early. (Yo, Miami Heat fans? THAT’S what a fanbase, looks like.)
Was it because they were facing a team they’ve treated as
their own personal urinal for thirty years?
Possibly. (The Chiefs have beaten
the Colts exactly once, in twenty five years.
Halloween Day, 2004.)
Was it because Andrew Luck was under center? I know the obvious answer is “of course” …
but Andrew Luck is WHY the Colts trailed 10-38, with less than half a game to
play. To quote the great Jim Mora Sr.:
“when you throw five interceptions …” I
think the number was four, but still – Andrew Luck was the sole reason why the
Chiefs had dominated the game to that point.
He stunk worse than a two-week-old soiled diaper.
And yet, NOBODY left, wearing the blue and white.
You’ll never convince me, Chuck Pagano, isn’t the reason why,
none of those fans in blue and white, fled for the exits.
2. john fox, denver broncos.
OK, I’ll ask it.
Why is it, every time “satan’s squad” fires a credible,
competent, “no doubt about it, credible Hall of Famer” head coach … they
replace him with a wretched failure?
And why is it, that every time “satan’s squad” hires that
wretched failure … that they have the foresight, to fire his ass less than two
years later, and replace said wretched failure, with a credible, competent, “no
doubt about it, credible Hall of Famer” head coach?
From dan reeves … to “Son of Bum”.
From “Son of Bum” … to shanarat.
From shanarat … to Josh McDaniels.
From Josh McDaniels … to john fox.
God, why can’t “satan’s squad” ever have a run like Paul
Wiggin / Tom Bettis? Or John Mackovic /
Frank Gansz Sr.? Or Coach Hobo / Coach
Baffoon? Why can’t they ever have a
five, six year run of utter and complete rank, stinking incompetence?
john fox can coach my team anywhere, anytime, anyplace. And y’all have no idea how much I despise the
fact, my team has to face him anywhere, anytime, anyplace, at least twice a
season … and three on those specialist of seasons.
1. Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco 49ers.
Three seasons as the 49ers head coach.
Three NFC Championship Game berths.
Two Conference Championship Games in your first two seasons
as head coach, can be done, by mediocrity or worse. George Seifert did it (1989, 1990). Barry Switzer did it (1994, 1995). “Sexy” Rexy Ryan did it (2009, 2010). Steve Mariucci nearly did it (1997, and would
have in 1998 if Garrison Hearst doesn’t blow out his knee, on the opening play
of the divisional round game, in Atlanta).
But three?
Never been done before.
Until last year.
You pull off a feat never done in ninety five years of League
history?
You earn the top ranking, in the 2014 Stevo’s NFL Coaches
Power Poll.
(Pause).
I know – like he gives a rip.
--------------------
(* oh, the answer to your trivia question from Coach Numero Seis? Oh hell to the mo fo yes, it is my favorite
player of all time. Chadwick
Pennington. That 10 Jets jersey still
hangs proudly in the closet, and like the 4 Michigan basketball jersey, and the
1 Nebraska football jersey from the 1996 Orange Bowl, it ain’t ever being given
away for anything …)
