Monday, June 30, 2014

stevo's 2014 nfl coaches power poll

Incredibly enough ... no opening lyrics.  Say wha?  Sorry, but nothing from the playlist, grabbed my attention enough, to use for this post ... although a few did, for the next one that's gonna pop on this site, hopefully in the next couple days ...

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Do y'all realize we are less than six weeks away, from preseason football?  No, really – six weeks from yesterday, the Hall of Fame Game occurs.  Forty five days from today, I’ll either be burning a PTO day at Arrowhead* … or doing what I usually do for preseason football, and eating my tickets cards. 

I mean, once again having The Chenbot, Zingbot 3000, and good Ol' Uncle Morty in our lives is creepy enough.  But less than seven weeks until those of us blessed enough to count ourselves as Chiefs season ticket holders will confirm our mental instability by not just attending, but paying to attend, preseason football?  Man, this year has flown by!

No NFL season can truly get underway, until this certifiable lunatic, posts the season's NFL Coaches Power Poll ... and in a "what are the bleeping odds -- no, really, what are the bleeping odds!" coincidence, this post?  Is your 2014 Stevo's NFL Coaches Power Poll!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(*: as always, the weather controls whether I show up, for a Thursday night preseason game or not.  If it’s 92 plus and not a cloud in the sky, hell yes I’m showing up to get some sun and have a few libations.  If it’s 79 and raining?  Not a chance in hell.)

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First, a quick primer on how this thing works.  The first NFL Coaches Power Poll was informally done by "The Voice of Reason" and I, one Sunday evening back in the fall of 2000, when we were debating whether or not Gunther Cunningham should see year three at the helm of the Chiefs.  I think we ultimately decided Ol' Gun ranked somewhere in the high 20s (which is not good) out of the 31 head coaches** the League employed at that point.  Ever since then, I've done the same thing to kick off the season -- ranking these thirty two gentlemen in reverse order of "would I want this guy coaching the Chiefs".

If you are ranked #1?  You are Chuck Noll awesome.
If you are ranked #32?  You are Rich Kotite awful.

And every coach listed after you to appear?  I'd rather have coaching the Chiefs, instead of you.  For example, if "Fat" Andy Reid comes in at #6 (and he's not ... although damned close, to #6), that means there are five current NFL head coaches, I'd take over "Fat" Andy to coach the Chiefs ... and twenty seven current NFL head coaches, I'd take "Fat" Andy over to coach the Chiefs.

Oh, and in the interest of fairness, my favorite NFL head coach of all time is the beloved (on this site at least) Wayne "Ol' Buck" Fontes, so always keep in mind, when reading what I think of your team's head coach, that Ol' Buck himself, a man mocked on NFL PrimeTime as "Rasputin" for a decade, a man who once kept his job because his owner told the assembled media "well, I didn't fire him, and he didn't offer to quit, so I guess (Wayne) will be back next season", that guy?  Is my favorite coach of all time.

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(**: here’s how horrific the 2000 Coaching Poll would have been -- the following brain trusts, oversaw game day, for various NFL franchise, during the 2000 season:

Dave Wannstedt (Dolphins)
Al Groh (Jets)
Wade “Son of Bum” Phillips (Bills)
Bruce Coslet and Dick LeBeau (Bengals)
Chris Palmer (Browns)
Gunther “Confident and Classy” Cunningham (Chiefs)
Mike Riley (“Super” Chargers)
Norval Eugene Turner AND (I forget which) Pepper Rodgers or Terry Robiskie! (Redskins)
Dave Campo (Cowboys)
Vince Tobin and Dave McGinnis (“Super” Cardinals)
Bob Ross and Gary Moeller (Lions)
Dick Jauron (Bears)
Mike Martz (Rams)
George Seifert (Panthers)

And lying in wait …

Dom Capers (Texans; still two seasons away, from beginning operations).

That’s FIFTEEN sh*ttacular coaches!  And that doesn’t even count the somewhat shifty and shady ones I didn’t mention, such as:

Jim Mora Sr (Colts – never won a playoff game)
Jim Fassel (Giants, who somehow won the NFC in 2000)
“Drunk” Dennis Green (Vikings, who somehow almost won the NFC in 2000)
Mike Sherman (Packers, who compared to Ray Rhodes before him, was an upgrade)
Jim Haslett (Saints, who somehow won the division in 2000)
Steve Mariucci (49ers, who wasn’t as bad as you remember)
“Drunk” Dan Reeves (Falcons, who was washed up at this point).

That’s TWENTY TWO, of the thirty two eventual openings, in which – and admit it, I’m right – you wouldn’t hire that guy to run your franchise today … and you’d question your intelligence, for hiring them fifteen years ago!  (john davidson voice) That’s incredible!

And for the record, the ten gentlemen I did not list as (damien voice) grouse examples of incompetence, beyond zues in nature:

Bill Belichick (Patriots, who everyone thought would be, in the list above, after the 2000 season)
Jeff Fisher (Titans)
Brian Billick (Ravens, who I think is the most underrated coach, of the last twenty years)
Bill Cowher (Steelers)
Tom Coughlin (Jaguars)
Jon Gruden (raiders)
mike shanarat (satan’s squad)
Mike Holmgren (Seahawks)
“Fat” Andy Reid (Eagles)
Tony Dungy (Bucs)

Only TWO NFC head coaches in 2000, would be worth hiring today, in hindsight.  (Pause).  Yeah, that kinda, sorta does explain the Giants miraculous run to the Super Bowl, now that I think about it …)

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Here'slast year's rankings, for what they're worth.  Sadly, we lost some coaching "giants" this past offseason.  No more Gary Kubiak to mock.  No more rat and/or rodent jokes about shanarat.  No more dudes named Leslie to mock.  And incredibly, the Browns now employ a coach whose last name I can spell! 

I guess it just goes to show you***.  Sometimes?

Change sucks.

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(***: true story time!  I spent Saturday helping out the Second Parents with a garage sale, and other assorted things that needed to get done before the big “Mona’s Birthday / Fourth of July” four day bender about to unfold beginning Thursday afternoon, and we would up having dinner at El Maguey on Raytown Road.  (God, I love El Maguey.)  Anyhoo, Russ had bartender duties that night at the Eagles club, so on the way home, we dropped him off at the club.  The path to the club takes me right by my future home, Two Rivers Psychiatric Facility.  I have been driving by this place routinely for pushing fifteen years now … and Saturday was the first time I have ever noticed, that they have a walking path, for their patients.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  You’re damned right I deal with stress at work, by grabbing that squeeze ball thingy, and pacing the crime-riddled sidewalks, of 112th Street, venting out loud about the latest screw-up (insert co-worker here) did, that will require a couple hours of my time, to fix. 

I mention this, because I just want to compliment Two Rivers Psychiatric Facility, for already planning, for my future arrival.  No, really – you guys ARE the best!  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yeah, that’s true.  (chess player voice) Your move, Charter.)

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32. Jim “Corpse” Caldwell, Detroit Lions.  How in the name of God did Ol' Jimbo get another crack at the head coaching gig?  I mean really, Ford family?  You have competent, quality, proven winners out there like Lovie Smith, Ken Whizenhunt, even mike shanarat for God’s sake, and you decide Jim “Corpse” Caldwell is your best candidate?  I truly don't know what stuns me more sometimes: the fact that Lions fans don't go all Jonestowny on us every Sunday, watching yet another horrific season play out ... or that somehow, Ford is the American automaker that didn't need a government bailout to stay afloat.  How can you be at least semi-credible at running 1/7th of the United States economy, and so sh*tty at running a NFL franchise?  This might be the most unforgivable hire in a very, very long time -- at least since the Kansas City Chiefs removed the word "interim" from Romeo Crennel's official title.

(And on a side note: has ANY coordinator in NFL history fooled more people with one “not a chance in hell itself it ever happens again” play call, than Jim “Corpse” Caldwell, on the bomb from Flacco to Jacoby Jones that gave satan’s squad what they deserves, in the Divisional Round two seasons ago?  If Jacoby Jones drops that ball, if Joe Flacco throw it like, uuh, Joe Flacco usually would, if (anything but a) champ bailey actually plays like his usual self on the play, is Jim “Corpse” Caldwell drawing a salary from anything other than unemployment?  It’s probably good nobody in Detroit has the money, to shell out to watch this debacle in person.)

31. Joe Philbin, Miami Dolphins.  How did this guy survive to see another season?  Poor on-field results.  A locker room of hazing and questionable behavior that he looks the other way on.  Plus, I keep finding it nearly impossible to avoid calling the dude Regis.

30. "Drunk" dennis allen, oakland raiders.  Taking his place in a long, long line of questionable "what the hell did they see in that dude?" hirings your (because God knows they ain't mine) oakland raiders have engaged in.  Here, ladies and gentlemen, are your (because, again, they sure as hell ain't mine) oakland raiders head coaches over the last twenty five years.  (Pause).  You might want to get a stiff, stiff cocktail ready, to read this.

* mike shanahan (1988-early 1989).  Who not only is still owed millions of dollars by the davis family, he's taken the stiffing so well, he had Elvis Grbac intentionally throw at al davis a few times, in the 1994 Monday Night opener.  Sadly that night, Elvis Grbac threw like, well, uuh, Elvis Grbac, and missed mr. davis’ head.  Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  Good Times!

* Art Shell (early 1989-1994).  Somehow, the raiders made the playoffs three times in the first Shell era -- 1990 (the Bo Jackson Injury game), 1991 (Arrowhead's first playoff game, seven straight false starts by the (then) la raiders), and 1993 (beating Son O' Bum in his only playoff appearance with the donkeys). 

Also, Art Shell was (if you believe revisionist history) the first black coach in NFL history.  And just like the first black President in this nation’s history, he makes you question at times, why we value diversity as a society.

* Mike White (1995-1996).  The 1995 oakland raiders opened 8-1, their only defeat coming in overtime at Arrowhead.  They finished 8-8.

* Joe Bugle (1997).  The 1997 oakland raiders did not open 8-1, and they did not finish in range of .500.  But Andre Rison did burn al davis' house down.  If you know what I mean.  (the great dan dierdorf voice) "Unfortunately, we do! (laughing uncontrollably)"

* Jon Gruden (1998-2001).  The only semblance of competence.  With the highlight, of course, being The Tuck Rule game.

* "Sur" William Callahan (2002-2003).  Setting the stage for half a decade of incompetence, confusion, and utter disaster, that your Nebraska Cornhuskers, are still trying to dig out from under.

* Norv Turner (2004-2005).  Or, as PFT nicknamed him, "Stanley Roper".  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Yeah, it is a shame at least half the people reading this, have no idea who Stanley Roper was.

* Art Shell (2006).  Giving a second rise to the "Art Shell Face". 

* Lane Kiffin (2007-early 2008).  al davis' last semblance of sanity, was that presser where he fired Ol' Lane with cause.

* Tom Cable (early 2008-2010).  Won the last nine divisional games he coached, yet was fired anyway.  The Seahawks are thankful for that.

* Hue Jackson (2011).  Gambled the next five years, on the Carson Palmer trade.  Whoops.

* "drunk" dennis allen (2012-present).  He's 8-24.  His team is all but a lock to be the AFC West's red-headed stepchild again.  My way of saying, I'd rent, "drunk" denny.  Rent, not buy.

29. "Riverboat" Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers.  Who not only owns the distinction of being the only head coach in the NFL that Brady Quinn can beat.  That's not a good combination.  And spare me the "the Panthers went 12-4 and won their division!" defense.  Barry Switzer's first three seasons went 12-4, 12-4, 10-6, with three division titles, five playoff wins, and a Lombardi to boot.  Anyone gonna argue that Barry Switzer was a credible, competent NFL head coach?  (Other than me, of course)?  I didn't think so.

28. Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys.  I think we're rapidly approaching "what the hell does Jason Garrett have on Jerry Jones" territory with this employment.  Kind of like the "what the hell does Carlton Gray have on Carl Peterson" era from the late 1990s.  (I still argue it was clown porn, if only because the visual of Carl Peterson taking it to poundtown, while wearing a clown costume, is utterly hysterical to picture.)  Jason Garrett is a mediocre (I'd argue overrated) boring head coach.  To bastardize the great Dean Wormer: "mediocre, overrated, and boring is no way to go through life, son".

27. Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins.  I actually think Jay is a really good coach, but there isn't any way he'll look it, coaching that dysfunctional franchise. 

26. Mike Pettine, Cleveland Browns.  In the interest of full disclosure, I tend to be harder on first year coaches, than most people.  In the interest of full disclosure, he’s the Browns eighth – eighth! – head coach in the fifteen years since the NFL tragically and indefensibly, returned the Browns to Cleveland.  Your previous seven?  Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Terry Robiskie, Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, Pat Shurmur, Rob Chudzinski.  Their combined record?  77-164, including their lone playoff berth (and defeat).

Good luck Mike.  Because I’d lay even odds, you’ll be yet another victim of unemployment in Mr. Obama’s America, within eighteen months.

25. Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans.  Can we please have a moment of levity here?  Bill O’Brien only went 15-9 at Penn State.  That’s it.  His fifteen wins?

Vs Navy, vs Temple, at Illinois, vs Northwestern, at Iowa, at Purdue, vs Iowa, vs Wisconsin (OT); vs Syracuse, vs Eastern Michigan, vs Kent State, vs Michigan (4 OT), vs Illinois (OT), vs Purdue, at Wisconsin.

Other than somehow sweeping Wisconsin?  Circle me thoroughly unimpressed.

Can we also please have a moment of levity here?  Can you identify a single coach from the Belichick coaching family tree, that’s mattered worth a damn?

Six previous Belichick assistants, have become NFL head coaches.  Which one of these fine gentlemen, do you want running your NFL franchise – Romeo Crennel?  Al Groh?  Josh McDaniels?  Eric Mangini?  Nick Saban?  Jim Schwartz?

I feel bad for Texans fans.  They deserve far, far better than Bill O’Brien.  Because they deserve far, far, far, far, far better, in a general manager, than the incompetent Rick Smith, can ever deliver.

24. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars.  Circle me thoroughly impressed so far.  To win four games with that team, when they didn’t register a first down – or cross midfield – in his debut last fall until the number in the quarter box on the scoreboard said "4", is nothing short of impressive.  I also loved the Blake Bortles pick.  (Note to Jaguars fans: be afraid.  Be very afraid.  All I can say is, thank God “The Herm” isn’t available online anymore, because you’ll never meet someone more geeked for Brodie Croyle to take over under center for the Chiefs, than I was.  Career record?  0-9.)

23. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers.  I’ve never been a fan, going back to the Grbac / Gannon days (when Mr. McCarthy was the Chiefs QB coach).  Yes, he has a Super Bowl win.  So what?  George Seifert has two.  And NOBODY is going to hire George Seifert, to even walk the dog to the curb, that poor pooch would wind up squished by a semi-truck by the time Mr. Seifert was done, with said walking said dog to said curb.

22. Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings.  Of all the offseason hires, this one intrigues me the most.  In the interest of full disclosure, I LOVE Mike Zimmer.  If the Vikings gambled right on Teddy Bridgewater (and I think they might have … although again, I’m in the minority, in thinking Blake Bortles is the real deal, and will be the best QB to come out of this year’s draft), they can absolutely return to the playoffs -- as soon as this year.

21. “Sexy” Rexy Ryan, New York Jets.  The poster child for the “is a brilliant coordinator, but in over his head as a head coach”, uuh, head coach.  For all his initial success?  He’s 42-38 in the regular season as a head coach (and that only improves to 46-40, if you add in the playoffs).

20. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals.  One of two “wait, are they really all that good?” head coaches still drawing a paycheck in this league (along with the gentleman appearing next).  Incredibly, this will be Mr. Lewis’ 12th season as a NFL head coach (all with the Bengals).  Incredibly, he has yet to win a playoff game.

19. Jeff Fisher, St. Louis Rams.  Here’s the dirty little secret of this League: Jeff Fisher is mediocre, at best, as a head coach.  For example …

* He hasn’t won a playoff game since 2003.  No, really – this will be his eleventh season as a head coach, since his last postseason win.

* He’s had two winning seasons, in those last ten seasons as a head coach. 

* He’s finished higher than third in the division, twice in those ten seasons – 2006 (when he finished 2nd, went 8-8, and whizzed away a playoff berth by getting blown out at home in the regular season finale) and 2008 (when he went 13-3, and then crapped out to the Ravens in the divisional round).  Every other season?  3rd or 4th … although that 3rd place finish in 2007 did yield a playoff berth (when the Colts made “Sur” William Callahan proud in the regular season finale, to get the Titans in, as the six seed).

* He’s 28-35-1 in his last four seasons as a head coach, all of which saw his teams finish .500 or worse.

* 9 of his 18 full seasons as a head coach, have seen his teams win 7 or 8 games.  NINE!  

If you want mediocrity, with an occasional playoff season?  Jeff Fisher’s your guy!

And no, we STILL haven’t reached the Official “Stevo’d Be Cool With This Guy Coaching the Chiefs” line.

18. Tom Coughlin, New York Giants.  Although we’re getting damned close.  I loved seeing Tom Coughlin on the sidelines of Arrowhead last fall … although not for reasons that Giants fans would love.  Sorry, but eventually, the game passes even the best of coaches, by.  (Sadly, there’s a reason Chuck Noll – who I consider to be the greatest coach in NFL history – never coached again, after “retiring” from the Steelers, following the 1991 season.)

17. Doug Marrone, Buffalo Bills.  And we’ve now reached the “I’m cool with this dude coaching the Chiefs” line!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Since I know most KU fans don’t give a rip about Syracuse, let me put what he accomplished in his previous stop into perspective.  He pulled off what Mark Mangino did, in half the time.  And he replaced a far, far, far worse head coach, than Terry Allen was.  (He replaced Greg Robinson … yes, THAT Greg Robinson.)  Had a solid debut season in Buffalo, and only figures to improve from here.

16. Lovie Smith, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  This is more a praise of the fifteen gentlemen remaining, than a criticism of Ol’ Lovie.  Bucs fans might not see improvement in the win column in year one, but by year three, Lovie will have this team routinely competing for playoff berths … and then spectacularly failing to reach, said postseason, due to some epic week sixteen or seventeen indefensible meltdown, that leads you to question, why he’s ranked at exactly the midpoint, of the NFL head coaches, in this poll.

15. Mike McCoy, San Diego “Super” Chargers.  Chiefs fans, let me put into perspective, the job Mike McCoy accomplished in year one, in America’s loveliest city.  He not only made the playoffs in his inaugural season, he won a playoff game once he got there.  To put this in perspective?  Only TWO head coaches in Chiefs history, have made the playoffs in their inaugural season.  (That would be Herm Edwards in 2006, and “Fat” Andy Reid last year.)  Fellow Chiefs fans?  NO Chiefs head coach, has won a playoff game, in his first season at the helm, of our beloved franchise.  (Although to be fair, “Fat” Andy came damned, damned close … and so did Herm, for about the first fifty two minutes, out of the sixty played.)

14. Mike Smith, Atlanta Falcons.  You can make a credible argument, that you can’t judge a head coach, until he faces a season of adversity.  Mike Smith finally did last year, for the first time in his six years at the helm of the Falcons.  (It was their first losing season, under Mr. Smith.)  How the Falcons rebound this year, will likely determine his legacy.  (If I’m ranking him 14th, here’s a hint: I ain’t expecting a rebound.)

13. Marc Trestman, Chicago Bears.  I love this guy irrationally … but not even I can rank him ahead, of the twelve remaining coaches.  Not until he reaches the postseason.  Which, granted, he was one miraculous Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary fling away, from reaching last season.

12. Ken Whizenhunt, Tennessee Titans.  As my buddy Pickell would say, “put it this way”: if Jake Locker is a legitimate NFL quarterback?  The Titans are winning the AFC South seven of the next ten years, Andrew Luck be damned.  Whizenhunt is that solid, of a coach.  The man rode a broke down Kurt Warner to two division titles and a Super Bowl berth for God’s sake.  Let me repeat that: Ken Whizenhunt coached a 402 year old Kurt Warner of the Arizona “Super” Cardinals, to a Super Bowl.  If anything?  12th, is too damned low of a ranking.

11. Omar Epps, Pittsburgh Steelers.  I know, it’s Mike Tomlin, but good Lord, were Omar and Mikey switched at birth or what?  Mr. Tomlin’s in no jeopardy with another lost season – the Steelers are the most loyal organization in professional sports, when it comes to their head coach.  (They haven’t fired one, since 1968.)  And in the interest of fairness, if Ryan Succup hits from 41 (or, more accurately, the refs flag the Chargers for illegal formation on the miss, and Succup hits from 36), the Steelers travel to Cincy on Wildcard Sunday, instead of the “Super” Chargers.  Still, a couple more 7-9 / 8-8 seasons might lead the Rooneys to fire a strength and conditioning coach, and we wouldn’t want to see that, would we?

10. Bruce Arians, Arizona “Super” Cardinals.  I wonder how much Omar Epps regrets firing … excuse me, “strong-arming” … Bruce Arians into retirement two years ago?  And I wonder how many “thank you for that brain fart!” cards of gratitude Omar has received in the last two years, from Colts and “Super” Cardinals fans?

9. Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles.  A phenomenal debut season, winning the NFC East, nearly beating the Saints in the wild card game, and apparently finding the quarterback of the future in Nick Foles.  Again – I LOVE Chip Kelly … as a college coach.  I still have serious doubts his system can work in the pros.  But everyone thought Jerry Jones was a bat sh*t crazy loon, for firing Tom Landry, and replacing him with Jimmy Johnson.  And everyone that’s a college football fan, thought Oklahoma was nuts, for hiring Bob Stoops to run this thing called a “spread formation” back in 1999 … and Texas Tech was even daffier, for hiring his offensive coordinator, Mike Leach, to implement the spread at that alleged institute of higher learning**, a year later.

(**: another true story: my favorite t-shirt from my college years, was one my roommate had.  “UT and A&M: United By Hate … And The Fact That Tech Isn’t A Real School!”  Never failed to make me laugh.)

8. Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks.  If you had told seventeen year old me, twenty years ago, screaming in horror in his folks basement “Jesus!  It’s a fake!  It’s a fake spike!  What the … NO!  NO!  (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!) NO!!!!!  HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT, YOU MOTHER (BLEEP!  BLEEP!  BLEEP) CARROLL!”, if you’d told that hot-as-hell dude screaming in horror that afternoon, as Dan Marino’s fake spike all but ended the 1994 Jets season, that Pete Carroll would become arguably the most accomplished head coach of this generation?  That Pete Carroll would be only the third person in history, to win a NCAA D1 Championship AND a Lombardi Trophy, as the head coach in each instance?  Let’s just say, my “scouting trip” of Two Rivers today, would have been a courtesy by me, for you.

Seventeen year old me, refuses to believe, that Pete Carroll is competent, and dare I say, genius.

(Oh, the only other two gentlemen to win both the NCAA and NFL top level championship trophies?  Ironically enough, two bitter rivals from their college years, who both coached the same pro team, and now are pretty good friends.  Jimmy Johnson, and Barry Switzer, everybody!)

7. Sean Payton, New Orleans Saints.  I fear Mr. Payton has now reached the 1990s Chiefs status no team truly wants: they’re too good to miss the playoffs; they’re not good enough, to win once they get there.

6. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots.  Can you name the only quarterback, to lead his team to an AFC Eastern Division Championship, other than Tom Brady, since the 2000 season concluded?  The answer, coming up … at the close of the post.

5. “Fat” Andy Reid, Kansas City Chiefs.  In the interest of fairness, had the wildcard game gone differently, 5 and 3 would be flipped.  An incredible first season here in our fine metropolitan community for “Fat” Andy, and while I am realistic enough (at least at this point) to concede the 2014 Chiefs are going to take a step back … I’m also enough of a believer in this man’s coaching ability, that eight weeks from now, when I run the schedules and post the “most anticipated post(s) of the year”, that I could talk myself into a “well, he won year after year in Philly when everyone said that was a “step back” year” 11-5 repeat prediction.

And for the record?  I have never been more privileged, to be in the building, for a football game, than I was to be in the building at Lucas Oil Field, on January 4, 2014.  That game will be looked back on fifteen years from now, with the same level of respect, admiration, and appreciation, as Green Bay / San Francisco from January 3, 1999, is today.  It’s the best game I’ve ever attended, and probably ever will.

4. John Harbaugh, Baltimore Ravens.  Sorry dude, but you employed #32 in this listing, as your offensive coordinator – voluntarily.  And go figure, he stunk up the joint.  Can’t rank you higher than your brother, based on that alone.

3. Chuck “Strong” Pagano, Indianapolis Colts.

I know – how the hell is a second year head coach, who is 1-2 in the playoffs, rated this highly?  And yes, the fact he’s 3-0 against the Chiefs, helps his cause.)

Here’s Part One of the trip to Indy, for the Chiefs / Colts Wild Card Round Game.

Here’s Part Two of the trip to Indy, for the Chiefs / Colts Wild Card Round Game.

What I still cannot get over, nearly seven bleeping months later, is this:

Chiefs 38, Colts 10, not even ninety seconds, into the second half.

Let me assure you – there wasn’t a Chiefs fan in the building, who didn’t believe Husain Abdullah’s interception, and Knile Davis’ ensuing touchdown, hadn’t sealed our first playoff win in (gulp) a generation.  And there were a solid 15,000 of us in that building, one of whom is sadly no longer with us in this journey we call life. 

NOBODY wearing Red and Gold was worried.  Hell, as I noted in the recap – we were already discussing with the Springfield folks, when exactly to leave, to beat the upcoming blizzard headed towards Indy, for our drive home.  

That’s how confident Chiefs fans were, that our team was going to win.

(Pause). 

So let me also assure you – there wasn’t a Colts fan in that building?  Who left at 38-10.  NONE of their fans, left early.  (Yo, Miami Heat fans?  THAT’S what a fanbase, looks like.) 

Was it because they were facing a team they’ve treated as their own personal urinal for thirty years?  Possibly.  (The Chiefs have beaten the Colts exactly once, in twenty five years.  Halloween Day, 2004.)

Was it because Andrew Luck was under center?  I know the obvious answer is “of course” … but Andrew Luck is WHY the Colts trailed 10-38, with less than half a game to play.  To quote the great Jim Mora Sr.: “when you throw five interceptions …”  I think the number was four, but still – Andrew Luck was the sole reason why the Chiefs had dominated the game to that point.  He stunk worse than a two-week-old soiled diaper.

And yet, NOBODY left, wearing the blue and white.

You’ll never convince me, Chuck Pagano, isn’t the reason why, none of those fans in blue and white, fled for the exits.

2. john fox, denver broncos.

OK, I’ll ask it.

Why is it, every time “satan’s squad” fires a credible, competent, “no doubt about it, credible Hall of Famer” head coach … they replace him with a wretched failure?

And why is it, that every time “satan’s squad” hires that wretched failure … that they have the foresight, to fire his ass less than two years later, and replace said wretched failure, with a credible, competent, “no doubt about it, credible Hall of Famer” head coach?

From dan reeves … to “Son of Bum”.
From “Son of Bum” … to shanarat.
From shanarat … to Josh McDaniels.
From Josh McDaniels … to john fox.

God, why can’t “satan’s squad” ever have a run like Paul Wiggin / Tom Bettis?  Or John Mackovic / Frank Gansz Sr.?  Or Coach Hobo / Coach Baffoon?  Why can’t they ever have a five, six year run of utter and complete rank, stinking incompetence?

john fox can coach my team anywhere, anytime, anyplace.  And y’all have no idea how much I despise the fact, my team has to face him anywhere, anytime, anyplace, at least twice a season … and three on those specialist of seasons.

1. Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco 49ers.

Three seasons as the 49ers head coach.

Three NFC Championship Game berths.

Two Conference Championship Games in your first two seasons as head coach, can be done, by mediocrity or worse.  George Seifert did it (1989, 1990).  Barry Switzer did it (1994, 1995).  “Sexy” Rexy Ryan did it (2009, 2010).  Steve Mariucci nearly did it (1997, and would have in 1998 if Garrison Hearst doesn’t blow out his knee, on the opening play of the divisional round game, in Atlanta).

But three?

Never been done before.

Until last year.

You pull off a feat never done in ninety five years of League history?

You earn the top ranking, in the 2014 Stevo’s NFL Coaches Power Poll.

(Pause).

I know – like he gives a rip.

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(* oh, the answer to your trivia question from Coach Numero Seis?  Oh hell to the mo fo yes, it is my favorite player of all time.  Chadwick Pennington.  That 10 Jets jersey still hangs proudly in the closet, and like the 4 Michigan basketball jersey, and the 1 Nebraska football jersey from the 1996 Orange Bowl, it ain’t ever being given away for anything …)

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