Last Week SU: 13-3-0.
Season to Date SU: 21-10-1.
Last Week ATS: 11-5-0.
Season to Date ATS: 19-12-1.
Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 1-1-0 SU; 1-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Texans (+3) over "Super" Chargers.
The Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Titans (-1 1/2) 13, at Jaguars 10. I'll be tuned into "Big Brother" instead. Also, "ALF" Game O' The Week Honors.
* at Packers (-7 1/2) 28, those people 0. For the first time since 1999, those people have opened 0-2. For the first time since 1999, those people will open 0-3. (Pause). What? (Pause). Oh yeah -- I am so getting my ass beat to a bloody pulp when I step foot inside the eighth layer of hell in four weeks.
* at Eagles 27, Lions (+6) 24. The Lions are better than I thought. The Eagles are about what I expected them to be.
* at Bills (-6) 34, Bengals 10. It's only 6? The line is only 6? What in God's beautiful name am I missing here? This should be at least 9, if not 10.
* "Shane" Falcons (+1 1/2) 31, at Colts 21. Sneaky good noon matchup most of the nation will miss. Because #BalvsKC
* at Vikings 21, raiders (+9) 20. I damned near picked the outright upset. You laying a touchdown and a field goal on a Kirk Cousins quarterbacked team? 'Cause I sure as f*ck ain't. And yes, I am starting Mr. Cousins on my primary fantasy team. #dontdraftdrunkkids
* at Patriots (-22) 74, Jets 3. I couldn't even muster a meltdown Monday night in The Garage. I think everyone there was waiting for it. I couldn't muster it. I did manage to channel 2012 Stevo and cheer as that rat bastardo trevor siemian was helped off the field, his season over. (Pause). Just like in 2012, as I cheered the effective end of Matt Cassel's Kansas City career, as he was carted off half-dead after a vicious hit by a Ravens defender? I make no apologies for my reaction.
Also, no separate Jets section until this collection of embarrassment can manage to field a semi-competent team. Emphasis on "semi". So ... 2022?
Oh, and "Empty Nest" Game O' The Week Honors.
* at Cowboys 41, Dolphins (+23) 20. I think Josh Rosen can cover twenty three, even on the road. Then again, I post these picks because I suck at sports wagering, so what do I know.
* Giants (+6) 31, at Bucs 20. Daniel Jones cannot possibly be worse than Eli Manning at this point. Can he?
* at "Super" Cardinals (-2 1/2) 27, Panthers 10. In the words of Mr. T, "I pity the foo!" who has to watch this game. Also, "Good Times" Game O' The Week Honors.
* at Seahawks (-4) 31, Saints 20. Only four? Are you f*cking kidding me?
* Texans (+3) 31, at "Super" Chargers 20. Deshaun Watson is going to tear that "Super" Chargers secondary a new one. I can't wait to watch it unfold.
* Steelers (+6 1/2) 24, at 49ers 14. I like Mason Rudolph. Steelers fans are really gonna like him once this game is done.
* at Redskins (+4) 24, Bears 17. "Wayne Allyn Root" Memorial Game O' The Week. Also, "Webster" Game O' The Week Honors.
And finally ...
* at Browns (+3) 33, Rams 6. I am so looking forward to watching this, actually ... and I don't really give a rat's roasted ass about either squad. But I so want this for Browns fans. So here is my wish to you, Browns fans: I pray -- truly hope and pray -- that Sunday is your version of football fandom, that Monday, October 6, 1991, is to me.
Coming tomorrow or Saturday, the Chiefs pontification and prognostication. Until then, hey -- let's be careful out there ...
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Friday, September 13, 2019
week two chiefs pick
"Well my soul checked out missing,
As I sat listening,
To the hours and minutes?
Ticking away.
Yeah just sitting around waiting
For my life to begin,
While it was all just
Slipping away.
Well I'm tired of waiting
For tomorrow to come;
For that train to come
Rolling around the bend.
I've got a new suit of clothes,
And a pretty red rose,
And a (QB) I can call
My friend.
These are better days!
These are better days, it's true!
These are better days!
Better days with a (QB) like you! ..."
-- "Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen. Jesus, "Lucky Town" is so, so, so damned underrated ...
--------------------
So much of what I was going to write today, I am choosing to save for next week. Because it melts in better with what my planned theme for next week is.
So instead ...
--------------------
... allow me to note what my Chiefs weekend to be is, uuh, to be, and then get the pick out of the way, and let you get back to your Friday night.
I leave tonight for lovely -- and Jesus, do I use that term loosely -- lovely Springfield, Missouri, where about fifteen miles south of there tomorrow, my good buddy Ryan will marry his long-time girlfriend, the lovely Alyssa, in what should be one epic ceremony * .
Then, after the wedding and reception (it's at a "winery", and it's a wedding of two great, long time tailgating friends; if there ain't an open bar, you'll know about it, I can assure you of that), I head back to KC overnight ... before leaving at the ass crack of dawn, to spend for what is likely to be for the final time, the way I've spent every raiders road game since at least 2010: in the Garage, in Sioux Falls, with about 25 raiders fans in what we refer to as "Black Hole North".
(Plus the one Chiefs fan up there, the lovely Leslie. Trust me, Chiefs fans -- beating those people in that place? When you're outnumbered like 35-6? Is so f*cking sweet.)
Then Monday -- and please, at the risk of sounding like an elementary principal at kindergarten graduation, please withhold your applause and/or outright laughter until the paragraph is finished -- I am playing in some kind of golf event on Monday up there that is affiliated with the Senior PGA Champions Tour, which is hosting an event next week in Sioux Falls.
Now, to be fair, I have played two practice rounds this summer: one at Royal Meadows over the Fourth of July, and one at Teetering Rocks to open August ** , so I might be prepared for this ... but come on. It's me on a golf course. I swear, I broke a basement window or three at the old place on Stubbs ten years ago ... and the window was twenty yards behind my chip shot, aimed at the woods 120, 130 yards in front of me.
(My way of saying: unless someone mentions the name of an ex of mine as I'm teeing off, I'm carding a snowman at least on the hole. (Shoutout to high school golf at St. Andrews, everyone!))
(Also, if the cart doesn't tip over twice, I've won the battle, if not the war, (jimmy buffett voice) come Monday. #gijoe)
Finally, on Tuesday, I head home (hopefully), spend a whopping one day in the office, and then spend Thursday, Friday, and (if need be) Saturday, getting The Bus ready for the home opener.
That is my week to be -- five out of six work days off on PTO and/or "work from home" days; one wedding, two football games, three planning days, and a round of golf thrown in for the hell of it.
It is not the week that was -- which is what I'd intended to write about, only to realize, it fits my planned theme for next week better.
But still, for a week to be, it's loaded like ... well, like me on a typical Tuesday. Struggling to avoid the coffee table, barely nailing the deep end of the couch, to tune in and watch the rock star sitcom lineup ABC has to offer.
That is my weekend and week, to be.
--------------------
(*: I get if you're a girl, why you'd want a ring on it ... but for Christ's sake, explain this to me. And I ask this as a 42 year old single, straight male, never married, but did live with "The Ex" for a few months (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day.
If you've been living (with benefits!) with a chica for four years, she doesn't want kids, and you're both at least ok with the relationship, why f*ck it up by putting a ring on it? What f*cking sense does that make? Just "live in sin" and be happy! I don't get this need to get married. Jesus never married. What's your excuse?)
(**: I'll (probably) never be invited back. My playing partner -- whose name I believe was Amber (she is (was?) my buddy Jordan's girlfriend) threw up on the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and eighth holes ... then puked on the tenth tee as well, as I tried to get her into New Tito to get her home to sleep off one epic hangover. Now, to be fair, if you're scared of heights, you'd puke on the third tee at Teetering Rocks too. Nothing like a 300 foot descent to the green when you're still pushing a 0.27. And the fifth on a 91 degree day would make Tiger Woods upchuck between the humidity and the swamp critters.
But anyways.
There's drunk, there's ridiculously drunk, and then there's "puking your guts out on 6 of the first 10 holes of a course on a lovely 91 degree morning" drunk. I've done two of the three. I've never done the third. Not even at Indy, be it for a 500 or a Brickyard. (Pause). What? (Pause). Well of course I meant "yet"; it's supposed to be 87 at tee time Monday morning in Sioux Falls!)
--------------------
So, the pick.
I hate this is the last trip to oakland for the Chiefs. There's certain things in life that should never be f*cked with. The raiders playing in oakland should have been one of those things.
I also hate this is likely the last trip up to Sioux Falls for this game. Because let's be honest here, come next season, where the hell do you think I'm going to watch this game: the cold north ... or Vegas? Not even my mom has to ask that question, the answer is so obvious.
I hate that greed, Goodell, and utter stupidity (not necessarily in that order ... although all three are related) has screwed over forever one of -- if not the best -- rivalries in the NFL. Nobody wants this game to go to Vegas, other than degenerate gamblers and/or greedy landlords. And yes, I may be one of those things ... but I still want the game in oakland, and I rent my house, thank you very much. #ilovewaldo
I hate this is it, to go to oakland ***. I hate this is probably it to go to the Garage in Sioux Falls. I really hate that I have to pack for a week tonight, go over 1,500 miles (aaliyah voice) back, back, forth, forth over the next five days, and when it's all said and done, the Chiefs will still likely be tied with someone atop the AFC West, with the very formidable Ravens coming to Terrorhead next week, to truly kick the season into high gear.
So let me at least relax Damien out there -- this week's pick is not the Upset O' The Week ... and I'm going to pick something I rarely do.
(damien voice) (for the first time ever, confused as hell) what the ...
* Chiefs (-7) 38, at raiders 0.
As "The Voice of Reason" has noted many times in the past (usually to utter laughter, almost always to accuracy) ... ("the voice of reason" voice) "this defense has a shutout in it!" Yes. Yes they do.
And Sunday is it.
--------------------
(***: I nailed this pick damned near exactly (it was 29-10, not 29-13). Gotta love the broken clock being right twice a day ...)
--------------------
Until next time -- hey! Let's be careful out there ...
Thursday, September 12, 2019
week two non-chiefs picks
"Number one on my speed dial.
I changed your name so my friends won't find out.
But they're all heading home now --
And I got word that she's hanging downtown.
I know I shouldn't do it;
Oh but these shots I'm shooting
Make me not?
Give a damn!
Now it's one more last time --
We swore we wouldn't!
But it's one more sunrise,
Breaking through these curtains!
I know when we're sober?
We'll both say it's over!
But it ain't really over ...
'Cause alcohol,
Alcohol,
Alcohol you later!
Alcohol,
Alcohol,
Alcohol you later ..."
-- "Alcohol You Later" by Mitchell Tenpenny.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 8-7-1.
Season to Date SU: 8-7-1.
Last Week ATS: 8-7-1.
Season to Date ATS: 8-7-1.
Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome?
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-1-0 SU / 0-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Lions (+2 1/2) over "Super" Chargers.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Best Guesses:
* at Panthers (-6 1/2) 28, Bucs 20. "ALF" Game O' The Week.
(Also, in case you missed it, the awesome actor who played Willie Tanner passed away this summer. He also played Norm's boss (post-pilot episode) on the most underrated sitcom of all time, "The Norm Show". Rest in peace, Mr. Wright. Rest in peace. And no, it's still not a massage parlor, like you think it is, sir.)
* at Lions (+2 1/2) 31, "Super" Chargers 28. A sneaky good offensive matchup that should come down to the last possession.
* at Titans (-3) 28, Colts 24. I'm guessing this will be the noon game on the main TV in The Garage.
* Bills (-1 1/2) 19, at Giants 13. Did you see anything last week to convince you the Giants can win a game this season? Because I didn't. Also, "Empty Nest" Game O' The Week.
* at Ravens 34, "Super" Cardinals (+13) 24. This line is insane. Absolutely f*cking insane.
* Patriots (-18) 41, at Dolphins 10. On the other hand, this line is not only sane, it'll be covered by the two minute warning of the first half. Also ... hang on. Do I dare go there this early in the season? Let me check the remaining games to be picked ... we're safe. Barely. "Webster" Game O' The Week. Jesus, we were THIS close to hauling the late Pat Harrington and the late Bonnie Franklin back into our lives for an afternoon. THIS close.
(I should also probably note the irony: I actually love the reboot on Netflix. The original is more full of sh*t than a port-a-potty exiting Arrowhead ... but the reboot is really, really good stuff.)
* Cowboys 31, at Redskins (+5 1/2) 28 (OT). Poor Case Keenum. As usual, he did everything but win the damned game.
* at Texans (-8 1/2) 51, Jaguars 13. If the Texans are who I think they are, they rally from last week's indefensible collapse and defeat by beating the living bejesus out of the Jaguars. Because good teams take losses like last week's as a "See You Next Tuesday" slap of disrespect.
* at Steelers (-4) 31, Seahawks 24. There's no way the Steelers are this bad, right?
* 49ers (+2) 26, at Bengals 21. (Pause). Yeah -- "Good Times" Game O' The Week. Also, this line is beyond f*cking ridiculous. The 49ers should be favored, not underdogs.
* at Packers (-3) 28, Vikings 24. On the other hand, this line is damned near perfect, because this smells like a last second field goal game the home team eeks out.
* at Rams (-2) 45, Saints 17. I think this is "going to be an ass kicking of biblical proportions". I just think most people have the wrong team, giving the ass kicking, let alone receiving it. If I still made a Lock O' The Week, this pick would be it.
* Bears (-2 1/2) 27, at those people 3. How awesome is it, that the Bears looked like the worst team in the league this side of Miami with the nation watching ... and they're still favored at fake mile high? I mean, how f*cking awesome are your 2019 those people! October 17th cannot get here soon enough! To say nothing of December 15th!
(And yes, I am fully aware October 17th, when the Red and Gold will post its' fifth consecutive win inside the eighth layer of hell itself, is the 25th anniversary of the Chiefs greatest victory over those people. I might have to invest in a Montana Chiefs jersey for that roadie.)
* at "Shane" Falcons (+1 1/2) 31, Eagles 28. Toughest game on the board to predict. The Eagles need this one more, but I guess I pick the "Shane" Falcons to not sh*t the bed in the home opener.
The Jets Prediction:
What a day to be a Jets fan, huh?
Because this happened.
Then this happened.
The loser of this game is credibly staring 0-7 in the face: the Browns next five are vs Rams (SNF) / at Ravens / at 49ers (MNF -- and note, this might be the ugliest Monday Night Football game in modern NFL history, because what dumb f*ck nitwit at Scheduling Headquarters thought for even one millisecond of time the nation wants to watch Browns at 49ers in prime time) / vs Seahawks / at Patriots.
The Jets next five: at Patriots / at Eagles / Cowboys / Patriots (MNF) / at Jaguars.
Good Lord.
Let the Trevor Siemian Error begin! (stevo pouring himself the stiffest Weller and Dr. Pepper he's ever poured in his life ...)
* Browns (-6) 31, at Jets 13. Yes folks, the Browns are a f*cking touchdown favorite. On the road. In prime time. (stevo lighting himself on fire ...)
--------------------
The Chiefs pick will go up Friday. I can confidently predict that, because I happened to take tomorrow off. I'm not sure 9 hours of sleep is enough for my body to recover from the alcoholic pounding it is going to take tonight watching the Democrat Debate. I have about $1,100 in my checking account right now; I'm not sure that's enough to cover the tab to watch this thing ...
I changed your name so my friends won't find out.
But they're all heading home now --
And I got word that she's hanging downtown.
I know I shouldn't do it;
Oh but these shots I'm shooting
Make me not?
Give a damn!
Now it's one more last time --
We swore we wouldn't!
But it's one more sunrise,
Breaking through these curtains!
I know when we're sober?
We'll both say it's over!
But it ain't really over ...
'Cause alcohol,
Alcohol,
Alcohol you later!
Alcohol,
Alcohol,
Alcohol you later ..."
-- "Alcohol You Later" by Mitchell Tenpenny.
--------------------
Last Week SU: 8-7-1.
Season to Date SU: 8-7-1.
Last Week ATS: 8-7-1.
Season to Date ATS: 8-7-1.
Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome?
Season to Date Upset / Week: 0-1-0 SU / 0-1-0 ATS.
This Week Upset / Week: Lions (+2 1/2) over "Super" Chargers.
--------------------
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs Best Guesses:
* at Panthers (-6 1/2) 28, Bucs 20. "ALF" Game O' The Week.
(Also, in case you missed it, the awesome actor who played Willie Tanner passed away this summer. He also played Norm's boss (post-pilot episode) on the most underrated sitcom of all time, "The Norm Show". Rest in peace, Mr. Wright. Rest in peace. And no, it's still not a massage parlor, like you think it is, sir.)
* at Lions (+2 1/2) 31, "Super" Chargers 28. A sneaky good offensive matchup that should come down to the last possession.
* at Titans (-3) 28, Colts 24. I'm guessing this will be the noon game on the main TV in The Garage.
* Bills (-1 1/2) 19, at Giants 13. Did you see anything last week to convince you the Giants can win a game this season? Because I didn't. Also, "Empty Nest" Game O' The Week.
* at Ravens 34, "Super" Cardinals (+13) 24. This line is insane. Absolutely f*cking insane.
* Patriots (-18) 41, at Dolphins 10. On the other hand, this line is not only sane, it'll be covered by the two minute warning of the first half. Also ... hang on. Do I dare go there this early in the season? Let me check the remaining games to be picked ... we're safe. Barely. "Webster" Game O' The Week. Jesus, we were THIS close to hauling the late Pat Harrington and the late Bonnie Franklin back into our lives for an afternoon. THIS close.
(I should also probably note the irony: I actually love the reboot on Netflix. The original is more full of sh*t than a port-a-potty exiting Arrowhead ... but the reboot is really, really good stuff.)
* Cowboys 31, at Redskins (+5 1/2) 28 (OT). Poor Case Keenum. As usual, he did everything but win the damned game.
* at Texans (-8 1/2) 51, Jaguars 13. If the Texans are who I think they are, they rally from last week's indefensible collapse and defeat by beating the living bejesus out of the Jaguars. Because good teams take losses like last week's as a "See You Next Tuesday" slap of disrespect.
* at Steelers (-4) 31, Seahawks 24. There's no way the Steelers are this bad, right?
* 49ers (+2) 26, at Bengals 21. (Pause). Yeah -- "Good Times" Game O' The Week. Also, this line is beyond f*cking ridiculous. The 49ers should be favored, not underdogs.
* at Packers (-3) 28, Vikings 24. On the other hand, this line is damned near perfect, because this smells like a last second field goal game the home team eeks out.
* at Rams (-2) 45, Saints 17. I think this is "going to be an ass kicking of biblical proportions". I just think most people have the wrong team, giving the ass kicking, let alone receiving it. If I still made a Lock O' The Week, this pick would be it.
* Bears (-2 1/2) 27, at those people 3. How awesome is it, that the Bears looked like the worst team in the league this side of Miami with the nation watching ... and they're still favored at fake mile high? I mean, how f*cking awesome are your 2019 those people! October 17th cannot get here soon enough! To say nothing of December 15th!
(And yes, I am fully aware October 17th, when the Red and Gold will post its' fifth consecutive win inside the eighth layer of hell itself, is the 25th anniversary of the Chiefs greatest victory over those people. I might have to invest in a Montana Chiefs jersey for that roadie.)
* at "Shane" Falcons (+1 1/2) 31, Eagles 28. Toughest game on the board to predict. The Eagles need this one more, but I guess I pick the "Shane" Falcons to not sh*t the bed in the home opener.
The Jets Prediction:
What a day to be a Jets fan, huh?
Because this happened.
Then this happened.
The loser of this game is credibly staring 0-7 in the face: the Browns next five are vs Rams (SNF) / at Ravens / at 49ers (MNF -- and note, this might be the ugliest Monday Night Football game in modern NFL history, because what dumb f*ck nitwit at Scheduling Headquarters thought for even one millisecond of time the nation wants to watch Browns at 49ers in prime time) / vs Seahawks / at Patriots.
The Jets next five: at Patriots / at Eagles / Cowboys / Patriots (MNF) / at Jaguars.
Good Lord.
Let the Trevor Siemian Error begin! (stevo pouring himself the stiffest Weller and Dr. Pepper he's ever poured in his life ...)
* Browns (-6) 31, at Jets 13. Yes folks, the Browns are a f*cking touchdown favorite. On the road. In prime time. (stevo lighting himself on fire ...)
--------------------
The Chiefs pick will go up Friday. I can confidently predict that, because I happened to take tomorrow off. I'm not sure 9 hours of sleep is enough for my body to recover from the alcoholic pounding it is going to take tonight watching the Democrat Debate. I have about $1,100 in my checking account right now; I'm not sure that's enough to cover the tab to watch this thing ...
Sunday, September 8, 2019
stevo's 2019 nfl predictions: the playoffs
"Every time when I look in the mirror?
All these lines on my face getting clearer?
The past is gone! It went by, like dusk to dawn.
Isn't that the way -- everybody's got their dues in life to pay?
I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes.
I know everybody sins --
But you got to lose to know, how to win.
Half my life is books and written pages;
Live and learn, from fools and from sages.
You know it's true --
All the feelings come back to you!
Sing with me!
Sing for the year!
Sing for the laughter!
Sing for the tears!
Sing with me!
If just for today!
Then maybe tomorrow?
The good Lord will take you away ...
... (one epic buildup) ...
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream until your dreams come true!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream until your dreams come true!
Yeah, dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Well, sing with me! Sing for the years!
Sing for the laughter! Sing for the tears!
Sing with me -- if just for today!
'Cause maybe tomorrow? The good Lord'll take you away!
Sing with me! Sing for the years!
Sing for the laughter! Sing for the tears!
Sing with me -- if just for today!
'Cause maybe tomorrow? The good Lord'll take you away ..."
-- "Dream On" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
Wild Card Games.
* 6 Buffalo Bills 21, at 3 Houston Texans 34.
(Saturday, January 4, 2020, 3:30pm CT (ABC / ESPN)).
A deceptively sneaky-good playoff opener, if only because the Bills have the defense to at least contain the Texans offense. In the end, too much Deshaun Watson, too much JJ Watt, and too much noise in the finest facility I've ever attended a NFL game in. (Seriously -- NRG Reliant is still as gorgeous and awesome today, as it was when I first stepped foot in there fifteen years ago. Especially compared to that decrepit "Eighth Wonder of the World" next door.)
* 5 San Francisco 49ers 17, at 4 Dallas Cowboys 27.
(Saturday, January 4, 2020, 7pm CT (NBC)).
Yes please. Do you realize these two haven't met in the postseason since the 1994 NFC Title Game? That's ridiculous. This needs to happen. Here's hoping it will.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 31, at 3 Chicago Bears 30.
(Sunday, January 5, 2020, noon CT (FOX)).
It can't possibly be worse than the season opener.
* 5 Pittsburgh Steelers 24, at 4 New England Patriots 27 (OT).
(Sunday, January 5, 2020, 3:30pm CT (CBS)).
Another matchup we don't get nearly enough of, come January. Also, no matter who wins this, it sets up one epic, awesome, "grab the popcorn!" Divisional Round game next week for said winner.
Divisional Round Games.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 34, at 1 Atlanta "Shane" Falcons 24.
(Saturday, January 11, 2020, 3:30pm CT (NBC)).
So ... I'll go there. Is Dan Quinn the new 1990s 49ers head coach? The dude who wins 10 games every year, gets his team to the playoffs every year, and every year faces a "win in the playoffs or you're fired" ultimatum? I never thought it was fair to George Seifert, I never thought it was fair to Steve Mariucci either. Although in defense of Eddie DeBartolo, if I had the talent of those 1990s 49ers squads, I'd settle for nothing less than a NFC Title Game appearance every year as well.
If he is the new 1990s 49ers head coach, this game might seal his fate -- a non-competitive loss to an inferior team at home.
* 3 Houston Texans 38, at 2 Kansas City Chiefs 49.
(Saturday, January 11, 2020, 7pm CT (CBS)).
The first of what I pray is many, many playoff matchups between Deshaun and Patrick. Let's hope for a day full of snow and little to no wind, ala the Colts playoff game last year.
* 4 New England Patriots 31, at 1 Cleveland Browns 23.
(Sunday, January 12, 2020, 2pm CT (CBS)).
Ooh boy! Belichick returns to Cleveland! The Browns host a playoff game! Baker Mayfield vs Tom Brady, with a spot in the AFC Title Game on the line! In the end, I trust Bill Belichick far more than I trust Freddie Kitchens. That, and I believe that when a dynasty dies, it should die to a worthy successor.
* 4 Dallas Cowboys 31, at 2 Los Angeles Rams 20.
(Sunday, January 12, 2020, 5:30pm CT (FOX)).
I'll say it -- the better team wins. Also, this is without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- the best Cowboys team since I lived there twenty plus years ago. And just like the 1995, 1996 Cowboys? The weakest link is the one wearing the headset.
Conference Championship Games.
* 4 New England Patriots 31, at 2 Kansas City Chiefs 37 (OT).
(Sunday, January 19, 2020, 2pm CT (CBS)).
If revenge is a dish best served cold ... then let's hope it's not as cold as it was last January 20th. Because in the words of the (apparently) immortal Ric Flair: "to be the man? You gotta beat the man! WOO!"
And that's what this season is about here in Kansas City: unfinished business. It's about rectifying the outrageous wrong Dee Ford's offside brain fart was. It's about righting the wrong of the outcome of the coin flip to start overtime. It's about the Chiefs joining those people (2005, 2013, 2015), the Colts (2006), the Ravens (2009, 2012), and the Jets (2010), as the only teams to beat Belichick's Patriots in the AFC postseason. It's about stopping their Super Bowl appearance streak at three, and beginning our streak.
Seriously, when I think Patriots, this comes to mind. It's time to end their run. It's time to send them packing to the retirement home, where they can act like spoiled toddlers that sh*t their pants over every other team's defeat -- you know, like the 1972 Dolphins do every year.
I refuse to say it's our time, because #2012royals ... but yeah. It's Chiefs time.
Lamar's Trophy is coming home.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 31, at 4 Dallas Cowboys 35.
(Sunday, January 19, 2020, 5:40pm (FOX)).
Every one of us raised on this sport in the late 1980s / early to mid 1990s (hey, that's me!) will probably nut if this matchup occurs. Even post-Favre and post-Triplets, they've already given us two playoff classics in this decade (the 2014 Dez Bryant "non-catch" Divisional Round game; the 2016 38-31 Divisional Round game that saw four scores inside the last four minutes ... including two 50 plus yard field goals inside of a minute to play).
Which gives us ...
Super Bowl LIV.
* 2 Kansas City Chiefs 38, 4 Dallas Cowboys 27.
(Sunday, February 2, 2020, 5:20pm CT (FOX)).
And thus, the lyrics to this post finally reach the point.
We've waited our whole lives for this, Chiefs fans.
Sing with me.
Sing for the years.
Sing for the laughter.
Sing for the tears.
Sing with me,
If just for today.
And maybe tomorrow?
The Good Lord'll take us away.
Starting today? And every day until about 9pm on February 2nd? It's dream on! (Or, as I used to say, "season f*cking on!")
Because come 9pm February 2nd? We begin planning the biggest party this town has ever seen. And considering one out of every three people in the metropolitan area descended on Union Station for the Royals victory parade ... sweet Jesus. Can you even imagine what the Crossroads and Union Hill are gonna look like when the Lombardi comes driving down Grand Boulevard next February?
I can't wait to see the image become reality ...
All these lines on my face getting clearer?
The past is gone! It went by, like dusk to dawn.
Isn't that the way -- everybody's got their dues in life to pay?
I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes.
I know everybody sins --
But you got to lose to know, how to win.
Half my life is books and written pages;
Live and learn, from fools and from sages.
You know it's true --
All the feelings come back to you!
Sing with me!
Sing for the year!
Sing for the laughter!
Sing for the tears!
Sing with me!
If just for today!
Then maybe tomorrow?
The good Lord will take you away ...
... (one epic buildup) ...
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream until your dreams come true!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream until your dreams come true!
Yeah, dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Dream on!
Dream on! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Well, sing with me! Sing for the years!
Sing for the laughter! Sing for the tears!
Sing with me -- if just for today!
'Cause maybe tomorrow? The good Lord'll take you away!
Sing with me! Sing for the years!
Sing for the laughter! Sing for the tears!
Sing with me -- if just for today!
'Cause maybe tomorrow? The good Lord'll take you away ..."
-- "Dream On" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
Wild Card Games.
* 6 Buffalo Bills 21, at 3 Houston Texans 34.
(Saturday, January 4, 2020, 3:30pm CT (ABC / ESPN)).
A deceptively sneaky-good playoff opener, if only because the Bills have the defense to at least contain the Texans offense. In the end, too much Deshaun Watson, too much JJ Watt, and too much noise in the finest facility I've ever attended a NFL game in. (Seriously -- NRG Reliant is still as gorgeous and awesome today, as it was when I first stepped foot in there fifteen years ago. Especially compared to that decrepit "Eighth Wonder of the World" next door.)
* 5 San Francisco 49ers 17, at 4 Dallas Cowboys 27.
(Saturday, January 4, 2020, 7pm CT (NBC)).
Yes please. Do you realize these two haven't met in the postseason since the 1994 NFC Title Game? That's ridiculous. This needs to happen. Here's hoping it will.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 31, at 3 Chicago Bears 30.
(Sunday, January 5, 2020, noon CT (FOX)).
It can't possibly be worse than the season opener.
* 5 Pittsburgh Steelers 24, at 4 New England Patriots 27 (OT).
(Sunday, January 5, 2020, 3:30pm CT (CBS)).
Another matchup we don't get nearly enough of, come January. Also, no matter who wins this, it sets up one epic, awesome, "grab the popcorn!" Divisional Round game next week for said winner.
Divisional Round Games.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 34, at 1 Atlanta "Shane" Falcons 24.
(Saturday, January 11, 2020, 3:30pm CT (NBC)).
So ... I'll go there. Is Dan Quinn the new 1990s 49ers head coach? The dude who wins 10 games every year, gets his team to the playoffs every year, and every year faces a "win in the playoffs or you're fired" ultimatum? I never thought it was fair to George Seifert, I never thought it was fair to Steve Mariucci either. Although in defense of Eddie DeBartolo, if I had the talent of those 1990s 49ers squads, I'd settle for nothing less than a NFC Title Game appearance every year as well.
If he is the new 1990s 49ers head coach, this game might seal his fate -- a non-competitive loss to an inferior team at home.
* 3 Houston Texans 38, at 2 Kansas City Chiefs 49.
(Saturday, January 11, 2020, 7pm CT (CBS)).
The first of what I pray is many, many playoff matchups between Deshaun and Patrick. Let's hope for a day full of snow and little to no wind, ala the Colts playoff game last year.
* 4 New England Patriots 31, at 1 Cleveland Browns 23.
(Sunday, January 12, 2020, 2pm CT (CBS)).
Ooh boy! Belichick returns to Cleveland! The Browns host a playoff game! Baker Mayfield vs Tom Brady, with a spot in the AFC Title Game on the line! In the end, I trust Bill Belichick far more than I trust Freddie Kitchens. That, and I believe that when a dynasty dies, it should die to a worthy successor.
* 4 Dallas Cowboys 31, at 2 Los Angeles Rams 20.
(Sunday, January 12, 2020, 5:30pm CT (FOX)).
I'll say it -- the better team wins. Also, this is without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- the best Cowboys team since I lived there twenty plus years ago. And just like the 1995, 1996 Cowboys? The weakest link is the one wearing the headset.
Conference Championship Games.
* 4 New England Patriots 31, at 2 Kansas City Chiefs 37 (OT).
(Sunday, January 19, 2020, 2pm CT (CBS)).
If revenge is a dish best served cold ... then let's hope it's not as cold as it was last January 20th. Because in the words of the (apparently) immortal Ric Flair: "to be the man? You gotta beat the man! WOO!"
And that's what this season is about here in Kansas City: unfinished business. It's about rectifying the outrageous wrong Dee Ford's offside brain fart was. It's about righting the wrong of the outcome of the coin flip to start overtime. It's about the Chiefs joining those people (2005, 2013, 2015), the Colts (2006), the Ravens (2009, 2012), and the Jets (2010), as the only teams to beat Belichick's Patriots in the AFC postseason. It's about stopping their Super Bowl appearance streak at three, and beginning our streak.
Seriously, when I think Patriots, this comes to mind. It's time to end their run. It's time to send them packing to the retirement home, where they can act like spoiled toddlers that sh*t their pants over every other team's defeat -- you know, like the 1972 Dolphins do every year.
I refuse to say it's our time, because #2012royals ... but yeah. It's Chiefs time.
Lamar's Trophy is coming home.
* 6 Green Bay Packers 31, at 4 Dallas Cowboys 35.
(Sunday, January 19, 2020, 5:40pm (FOX)).
Every one of us raised on this sport in the late 1980s / early to mid 1990s (hey, that's me!) will probably nut if this matchup occurs. Even post-Favre and post-Triplets, they've already given us two playoff classics in this decade (the 2014 Dez Bryant "non-catch" Divisional Round game; the 2016 38-31 Divisional Round game that saw four scores inside the last four minutes ... including two 50 plus yard field goals inside of a minute to play).
Which gives us ...
Super Bowl LIV.
* 2 Kansas City Chiefs 38, 4 Dallas Cowboys 27.
(Sunday, February 2, 2020, 5:20pm CT (FOX)).
And thus, the lyrics to this post finally reach the point.
We've waited our whole lives for this, Chiefs fans.
Sing with me.
Sing for the years.
Sing for the laughter.
Sing for the tears.
Sing with me,
If just for today.
And maybe tomorrow?
The Good Lord'll take us away.
Starting today? And every day until about 9pm on February 2nd? It's dream on! (Or, as I used to say, "season f*cking on!")
Because come 9pm February 2nd? We begin planning the biggest party this town has ever seen. And considering one out of every three people in the metropolitan area descended on Union Station for the Royals victory parade ... sweet Jesus. Can you even imagine what the Crossroads and Union Hill are gonna look like when the Lombardi comes driving down Grand Boulevard next February?
I can't wait to see the image become reality ...
Saturday, September 7, 2019
stevo's 2019 nfl predictions: the division winners
"I'm alone;
I don't know if I can face the night.
I'm in tears,
And the crying that I do is for you.
I want your love --
Let's break the walls between us.
Don't make it tough --
I'll put away my pride.
Enough's enough!
I've suffered and I've seen the light!
Baby, you're my angel!
Come and save me tonight!
You're my angel!
Come and make it alright! ...
Don't know what I'm gonna do
About this feeling inside.
Yes it's true --
Loneliness took me for a ride!
Without your love?
I'm nothing but a beggar.
Without your love?
A dog without a bone.
What can I do --
I'm sleeping in this bed alone!
Baby, you're my angel!
Come and save me tonight!
You're my angel!
Come and make it alright!
Come and save me tonight! ..."
-- "Angel" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
8. Chicago Bears.
Last Year: 12-4-0, NFC Norris Champions.
Postseason: L Wild Card 15-16 (vs Eagles).
Prediction: 10-6-0, NFC Norris Champions; Four Seed NFC.
I'm not going to overreact to Thursday night. But circle me concerned, Bert. Circle me concerned.
Here's your NFC Norris Schedule Run:
7. Dallas Cowboys.
Last Year: 10-6-0, NFC East Champions.
Postseason: W Wild Card 24-22 (vs Seahawks); L Divisional Round 22-30 (@ Rams).
Prediction: 10-6-0, NFC East Champions; Three Seed NFC.
The Cowboys have not had back to back division titles since I lived in Dallas twenty years ago. They haven't had back to back playoff appearances since Son O' Bum was manning the ship. If Jerry Jones was fair and impartial, he should have fired himself at least twelve years ago.
Here's your NFC East Schedule Run:
Cowboys got tiebreaker over Eagles via head-to-head sweep.
6. New England Patriots.
Last Year: 12-4-0, AFC East Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 41-28 (vs "Super" Chargers); W Championship Game 37-31 (OT) (@ Chiefs); W Super Bowl 13-3 (vs Rams); Super Bowl Champions.
Prediction: 10-6-0, AFC East Champions; Four Seed AFC.
2019 Patriots = 1996 Cowboys. The last gasp of a great champion.
Your AFC East Schedule Run:
Patriots got tiebreaker over Bills via Strength of Schedule. Yes, I had to go six f*cking tiebreakers deep, to figure out the winner of this division. And I'm still not sure I calculated things right.
5. Cleveland Browns.
Last Year: 7-8-1, 3rd Place, AFC Norris.
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC Norris Champions; One Seed AFC.
For the first time since Bud Carson was patrolling the sidelines, your Cleveland Browns are going to win a division title. For the first time since Marty Schottenheimer was patrolling the sidelines, your Cleveland Browns are going to have home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.
I normally hate buying into the hype ... but I tried, I really tried, to find them more than five losses in the schedule run. I couldn't. Enjoy it, Factory of Sadness dwellers. You've earned it.
Your AFC Norris Schedule Run:
Finally -- a division with no tie-breakers needed!
4. Atlanta "Shane" Falcons.
Last Year: 7-9-0, 2nd Place, NFC South.
Prediction: 11-5-0, NFC South Champions; One Seed NFC.
You can credibly argue that the biggest game in my schedule run was Thanksgiving night. The loser missed the playoffs. The winner got home field advantage. Flip the outcome, and the same would still be true ... only in the Saints favor.
Your NFC South Schedule Run:
3. Houston Texans.
Last Year: 11-5-0, AFC South Champions.
Postseason: L Wild Card 7-21 (vs Colts).
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC South Champions; Three Seed AFC.
I love this Texans team. Love them. And frankly, save for the home game against those people, and possibly the Sunday nighter against the Packers, there is no game on the schedule I'm more amped up for, than the Texans game Week Six. Watson! Mahomes! God I cannot wait!
Your AFC South Schedule Run:
2. Kansas City Chiefs.
Last Year: 12-4-0, AFC West Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 31-13 (vs Colts); L Championship Game 31-37 (OT) (vs Patriots).
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC West Champions; Two Seed AFC.
Your AFC West Schedule Run:
1. Los Angeles Rams.
Last Year: 13-3-0, NFC West Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 30-22 (vs Cowboys); W Championship Game 26-23 (OT) (@ Saints); L Super Bowl 3-13 (vs Patriots); NFC Champions.
Prediction: 11-5-0, NFC West Champions; Two Seed NFC.
Sadly, we aren't guaranteed a Chiefs / Rams rematch this year. Or any year again until 2022 at Arrowhead. I hope I'm not priced out of my seat by then.
Your NFC West Schedule Run:
All that's left now is the playoff runs ...
I don't know if I can face the night.
I'm in tears,
And the crying that I do is for you.
I want your love --
Let's break the walls between us.
Don't make it tough --
I'll put away my pride.
Enough's enough!
I've suffered and I've seen the light!
Baby, you're my angel!
Come and save me tonight!
You're my angel!
Come and make it alright! ...
Don't know what I'm gonna do
About this feeling inside.
Yes it's true --
Loneliness took me for a ride!
Without your love?
I'm nothing but a beggar.
Without your love?
A dog without a bone.
What can I do --
I'm sleeping in this bed alone!
Baby, you're my angel!
Come and save me tonight!
You're my angel!
Come and make it alright!
Come and save me tonight! ..."
-- "Angel" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
8. Chicago Bears.
Last Year: 12-4-0, NFC Norris Champions.
Postseason: L Wild Card 15-16 (vs Eagles).
Prediction: 10-6-0, NFC Norris Champions; Four Seed NFC.
I'm not going to overreact to Thursday night. But circle me concerned, Bert. Circle me concerned.
Here's your NFC Norris Schedule Run:
Bears got tiebreaker over Packers via Strength of Victory.
7. Dallas Cowboys.
Last Year: 10-6-0, NFC East Champions.
Postseason: W Wild Card 24-22 (vs Seahawks); L Divisional Round 22-30 (@ Rams).
Prediction: 10-6-0, NFC East Champions; Three Seed NFC.
The Cowboys have not had back to back division titles since I lived in Dallas twenty years ago. They haven't had back to back playoff appearances since Son O' Bum was manning the ship. If Jerry Jones was fair and impartial, he should have fired himself at least twelve years ago.
Here's your NFC East Schedule Run:
Cowboys got tiebreaker over Eagles via head-to-head sweep.
6. New England Patriots.
Last Year: 12-4-0, AFC East Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 41-28 (vs "Super" Chargers); W Championship Game 37-31 (OT) (@ Chiefs); W Super Bowl 13-3 (vs Rams); Super Bowl Champions.
Prediction: 10-6-0, AFC East Champions; Four Seed AFC.
2019 Patriots = 1996 Cowboys. The last gasp of a great champion.
Your AFC East Schedule Run:
Patriots got tiebreaker over Bills via Strength of Schedule. Yes, I had to go six f*cking tiebreakers deep, to figure out the winner of this division. And I'm still not sure I calculated things right.
5. Cleveland Browns.
Last Year: 7-8-1, 3rd Place, AFC Norris.
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC Norris Champions; One Seed AFC.
For the first time since Bud Carson was patrolling the sidelines, your Cleveland Browns are going to win a division title. For the first time since Marty Schottenheimer was patrolling the sidelines, your Cleveland Browns are going to have home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.
I normally hate buying into the hype ... but I tried, I really tried, to find them more than five losses in the schedule run. I couldn't. Enjoy it, Factory of Sadness dwellers. You've earned it.
Your AFC Norris Schedule Run:
Finally -- a division with no tie-breakers needed!
4. Atlanta "Shane" Falcons.
Last Year: 7-9-0, 2nd Place, NFC South.
Prediction: 11-5-0, NFC South Champions; One Seed NFC.
You can credibly argue that the biggest game in my schedule run was Thanksgiving night. The loser missed the playoffs. The winner got home field advantage. Flip the outcome, and the same would still be true ... only in the Saints favor.
Your NFC South Schedule Run:
3. Houston Texans.
Last Year: 11-5-0, AFC South Champions.
Postseason: L Wild Card 7-21 (vs Colts).
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC South Champions; Three Seed AFC.
I love this Texans team. Love them. And frankly, save for the home game against those people, and possibly the Sunday nighter against the Packers, there is no game on the schedule I'm more amped up for, than the Texans game Week Six. Watson! Mahomes! God I cannot wait!
Your AFC South Schedule Run:
2. Kansas City Chiefs.
Last Year: 12-4-0, AFC West Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 31-13 (vs Colts); L Championship Game 31-37 (OT) (vs Patriots).
Prediction: 11-5-0, AFC West Champions; Two Seed AFC.
Your AFC West Schedule Run:
1. Los Angeles Rams.
Last Year: 13-3-0, NFC West Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 30-22 (vs Cowboys); W Championship Game 26-23 (OT) (@ Saints); L Super Bowl 3-13 (vs Patriots); NFC Champions.
Prediction: 11-5-0, NFC West Champions; Two Seed NFC.
Sadly, we aren't guaranteed a Chiefs / Rams rematch this year. Or any year again until 2022 at Arrowhead. I hope I'm not priced out of my seat by then.
Your NFC West Schedule Run:
All that's left now is the playoff runs ...
stevo's 2019 nfl predictions: the wild card contenders
"There's something wrong with the world today;
I don't know what it is.
There's something wrong with our eyes.
We're seeing things in a different way,
And God knows it ain't His.
It sure ain't no surprise.
We're living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
There's something wrong with the world today;
The light bulb's getting dim.
There's meltdown in the skies.
If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin?
Then mister, you're a better man than I.
We're living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself from falling!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself at all!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself from falling!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself at all!) ...
-- "Living on the Edge" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
16. those people.
Last Year: 6-10-0, 3rd Place, AFC West.
Prediction: 8-8-0, 2nd Place, AFC West.
I have them losing all four road games after their bye (@ Vikings, @ Bills, @ Chiefs, @ Texans). Win any of those, and they're your six seed. Especially if that win is the Bills roadie.
15. Jacksonville Jaguars.
Last Year: 5-11-0, Last Place, AFC South.
Prediction: 9-7-0, 2nd Place, AFC South.
Another team I have dropping every road game after their bye, when winning just one of them could mean the postseason. Especially if that one is against either the Colts or the Titans.
14. Philadelphia Eagles.
Last Year: 9-7-0, 2nd Place, NFC East.
Postseason: W Wild Card 16-14 (@ Bears); L Divisional Round 14-20 (@ Saints).
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC East.
It's a clusterf*ck at 10-6 in the NFC, and the Eagles are one of the two that get screwed. Along with ...
13. New Orleans Saints.
Last Year: 13-3-0, NFC South Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 20-14 (vs Eagles); L Conference Championship 23-26 (OT) (vs Rams).
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC South.
I have them going 2-6 away from the Dome. That dooms them to picking 20th next April.
Which leads us to our four wild cards, two per conference ...
12. Buffalo Bills.
Last Year: 6-10-0, 3rd Place, AFC East.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC East; Sixth Seed AFC.
This was the tiebreaker that came down to strength of victory. But it wasn't between the Bills, and who you might expect.
11. Green Bay Packers.
Last Year: 6-9-1, 3rd Place, NFC Norris.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC Norris; Sixth Seed NFC.
Although after Thursday night, I might want to flip who I have 1-2 in the Norris. I have them both at 10-6.
10. San Francisco 49ers.
Last Year: 4-12-0, 3rd Place, NFC West.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC West; Fifth Seed NFC.
I'm not sure what's more full of sh*t with this prediction -- the streets of San Francisco, or me. I just really like this team this year. And I have them at ten wins with a gigantic upset loss at Fake RFK, that's how much I believe in these guys.
9. Pittsburgh Steelers.
Last Year: 9-6-1, 2nd Place, AFC Norris.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC Norris; Fifth Seed AFC.
Addition by subtraction baby!
Up next: your divisional winners. Six of whom are repeats from last season. Plus the schedule runs, to show how I arrived at your team's projected record(s) ...
I don't know what it is.
There's something wrong with our eyes.
We're seeing things in a different way,
And God knows it ain't His.
It sure ain't no surprise.
We're living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
Living on the edge!
There's something wrong with the world today;
The light bulb's getting dim.
There's meltdown in the skies.
If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin?
Then mister, you're a better man than I.
We're living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself from falling!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself at all!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself from falling!)
Living on the edge!
(You can't help yourself at all!) ...
-- "Living on the Edge" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
16. those people.
Last Year: 6-10-0, 3rd Place, AFC West.
Prediction: 8-8-0, 2nd Place, AFC West.
I have them losing all four road games after their bye (@ Vikings, @ Bills, @ Chiefs, @ Texans). Win any of those, and they're your six seed. Especially if that win is the Bills roadie.
15. Jacksonville Jaguars.
Last Year: 5-11-0, Last Place, AFC South.
Prediction: 9-7-0, 2nd Place, AFC South.
Another team I have dropping every road game after their bye, when winning just one of them could mean the postseason. Especially if that one is against either the Colts or the Titans.
14. Philadelphia Eagles.
Last Year: 9-7-0, 2nd Place, NFC East.
Postseason: W Wild Card 16-14 (@ Bears); L Divisional Round 14-20 (@ Saints).
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC East.
It's a clusterf*ck at 10-6 in the NFC, and the Eagles are one of the two that get screwed. Along with ...
13. New Orleans Saints.
Last Year: 13-3-0, NFC South Champions.
Postseason: W Divisional Round 20-14 (vs Eagles); L Conference Championship 23-26 (OT) (vs Rams).
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC South.
I have them going 2-6 away from the Dome. That dooms them to picking 20th next April.
Which leads us to our four wild cards, two per conference ...
12. Buffalo Bills.
Last Year: 6-10-0, 3rd Place, AFC East.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC East; Sixth Seed AFC.
This was the tiebreaker that came down to strength of victory. But it wasn't between the Bills, and who you might expect.
11. Green Bay Packers.
Last Year: 6-9-1, 3rd Place, NFC Norris.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC Norris; Sixth Seed NFC.
Although after Thursday night, I might want to flip who I have 1-2 in the Norris. I have them both at 10-6.
10. San Francisco 49ers.
Last Year: 4-12-0, 3rd Place, NFC West.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC West; Fifth Seed NFC.
I'm not sure what's more full of sh*t with this prediction -- the streets of San Francisco, or me. I just really like this team this year. And I have them at ten wins with a gigantic upset loss at Fake RFK, that's how much I believe in these guys.
9. Pittsburgh Steelers.
Last Year: 9-6-1, 2nd Place, AFC Norris.
Prediction: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC Norris; Fifth Seed AFC.
Addition by subtraction baby!
Up next: your divisional winners. Six of whom are repeats from last season. Plus the schedule runs, to show how I arrived at your team's projected record(s) ...
stevo's 2019 nfl predictions: the third place finishers
"Working like a dog for the boss man;
Working for the company.
I'm betting on the dice I'm tossing;
I'm gonna have a fantasy!
But where am I gonna look?
They tell me that love is blind.
I really need a girl like an open book,
To read between the lines!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up while I'm going down!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up 'til I hit the ground! ..."
-- "Love In An Elevator" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
24. New York Giants.
Last Year: 5-11-0, Last Place, NFC East.
Prediction: 7-9, 3rd Place, NFC East.
The sooner they start Daniel Jones, the better.
23. oakland raiders.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC West.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC West.
The Antonio Brown release today, if anything, should cause me to rethink their record in a positive way. But 7-9 / 8-8 sounds about right, if I'm being honest, so I'll leave it as is.
22. Carolina Panthers.
Last Year: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Trust me Cameron -- celibacy doesn't improve your life, or on-field skills. Also, you have to love a proven thief that is the son of a man of the cloth, that has already cranked out a couple kids outside of wedlock, trying to portray himself as a model of morality. For f*ck's sake. Just stop.
And to think people actually wonder why I refuse to step foot inside a church unless drug at gunpoint and/or by the bride or groom ...
21. Baltimore Ravens.
Last Year: 10-6-0, AFC Norris Champion.
Postseason: L Wild Card 17-23 (vs "Super" Chargers).
Prediction: 5-11-0, 3rd Place, AFC Norris.
One of three AFC playoff teams from last year that ain't returning to the postseason this year, and the Ravens will be the only one of the three to not be in contention in December.
20. Indianapolis Colts.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC South.
Postseason: W Wild Card 21-7 (@ Texans); L Divisional Round 13-31 (@ Chiefs).
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC South.
I'd have picked 7-9 even with Andrew Luck under center.
19. New York Jets.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC East.
Prediction: 8-8-0, 3rd Place, AFC East.
The Jets came up one game short of the final wild card slot in my schedule run. Or, a typical Tuesday for Gang Green.
18. Minnesota Vikings.
Last Year: 8-7-1, 2nd Place, NFC Norris.
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC Norris.
I have the Vikings controlling their own destiny in the division entering Week Sixteen. I have them controlling their own destiny for the Wild Card entering Week Seventeen. I have them finishing outside of the postseason. You gotta love sh*tting away $84,000,000 (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change, on the worthless Kirk Cousins.
(But you're starting Kirk Cousins on your main fantasy football team, right?) Hell yes I am.
17. Seattle Seahawks.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC West.
Postseason: L Wild Card 22-24 (@ Cowboys).
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC West.
For what it's worth, I have eight -- eight! -- NFC teams at 10-6 or 9-7. Only four of them can get in. Just wait until you see the schedule runs, because yes, I had to calculate Strength of Victory to figure out one playoff spot. Also, for what it's worth, had the Seahawks won any of their three roadies after their bye (@ Eagles, @ Rams, @ Panthers), they'd have been at worst the five seed, and had they won that Rams game, they'd have won the NFC West.
Up next, the Wild Card contenders -- aka, the eight teams the four wild card slots will emerge from ...
Working for the company.
I'm betting on the dice I'm tossing;
I'm gonna have a fantasy!
But where am I gonna look?
They tell me that love is blind.
I really need a girl like an open book,
To read between the lines!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up while I'm going down!
Love in an elevator!
Loving it up 'til I hit the ground! ..."
-- "Love In An Elevator" by Aerosmith.
--------------------
Here are your 2019 NFL Season Predictions, broken down into five parts:
Part I: The Last Place Finishers
Part II: The Third Place Finishers
Part III: The Wild Card Contenders
Part IV: The Division Winners
Part V: The Postseason
Also, this is your Week One Power Poll. As always, 32 is typical New York Jets bad, 1 is typical New England Patriots good.
Enjoy.
--------------------
24. New York Giants.
Last Year: 5-11-0, Last Place, NFC East.
Prediction: 7-9, 3rd Place, NFC East.
The sooner they start Daniel Jones, the better.
23. oakland raiders.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC West.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC West.
The Antonio Brown release today, if anything, should cause me to rethink their record in a positive way. But 7-9 / 8-8 sounds about right, if I'm being honest, so I'll leave it as is.
22. Carolina Panthers.
Last Year: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, NFC South.
Trust me Cameron -- celibacy doesn't improve your life, or on-field skills. Also, you have to love a proven thief that is the son of a man of the cloth, that has already cranked out a couple kids outside of wedlock, trying to portray himself as a model of morality. For f*ck's sake. Just stop.
And to think people actually wonder why I refuse to step foot inside a church unless drug at gunpoint and/or by the bride or groom ...
21. Baltimore Ravens.
Last Year: 10-6-0, AFC Norris Champion.
Postseason: L Wild Card 17-23 (vs "Super" Chargers).
Prediction: 5-11-0, 3rd Place, AFC Norris.
One of three AFC playoff teams from last year that ain't returning to the postseason this year, and the Ravens will be the only one of the three to not be in contention in December.
20. Indianapolis Colts.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, AFC South.
Postseason: W Wild Card 21-7 (@ Texans); L Divisional Round 13-31 (@ Chiefs).
Prediction: 7-9-0, 3rd Place, AFC South.
I'd have picked 7-9 even with Andrew Luck under center.
19. New York Jets.
Last Year: 4-12-0, Last Place, AFC East.
Prediction: 8-8-0, 3rd Place, AFC East.
The Jets came up one game short of the final wild card slot in my schedule run. Or, a typical Tuesday for Gang Green.
18. Minnesota Vikings.
Last Year: 8-7-1, 2nd Place, NFC Norris.
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC Norris.
I have the Vikings controlling their own destiny in the division entering Week Sixteen. I have them controlling their own destiny for the Wild Card entering Week Seventeen. I have them finishing outside of the postseason. You gotta love sh*tting away $84,000,000 (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change, on the worthless Kirk Cousins.
(But you're starting Kirk Cousins on your main fantasy football team, right?) Hell yes I am.
17. Seattle Seahawks.
Last Year: 10-6-0, 2nd Place, NFC West.
Postseason: L Wild Card 22-24 (@ Cowboys).
Prediction: 9-7-0, 3rd Place, NFC West.
For what it's worth, I have eight -- eight! -- NFC teams at 10-6 or 9-7. Only four of them can get in. Just wait until you see the schedule runs, because yes, I had to calculate Strength of Victory to figure out one playoff spot. Also, for what it's worth, had the Seahawks won any of their three roadies after their bye (@ Eagles, @ Rams, @ Panthers), they'd have been at worst the five seed, and had they won that Rams game, they'd have won the NFC West.
Up next, the Wild Card contenders -- aka, the eight teams the four wild card slots will emerge from ...
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