ai top 36, week dos

I didn't watch "Idol" live last night, because (a) I have bowling league on Wednesday nights, and (b) "Lost" is priority uno on the TV on Wednesdays. So anyways, with some tape delayed action, here we go.

As with last week, I haven't seen any of these people perform yet, and I've intentionally avoided reading anything about them so far. Because until "Idol" gets to this point, its unwatchable for me. If I wanted to see people that are abject trainwrecks on stage make an ass out of themselves in front of America, I'd tune into CSPAN and watch the Democrat controlled Congress. But anyways. First up ...

* Jasmine Murray, "Love Song". I was hoping it'd be the 311 song by this name, which is just an awesome, awesome song. But she chose Sara Barellies' song instead.

The hoop earrings are distracting. And she doesn't really have the voice to carry this song. Once she hit the chorus, it literally is making me sick to listen to this. This is not good. And it gets worse as it goes along. Really, why do people choose songs that they can't connect to or with? She's just going through the motions and it shows. Or so says Steve.

Randy says it was pitchy, and agrees with me that she made a bad song choice. New judge not a fan either. Pauler on board the "goodbye, you're gone" express, albeit incoherently. And what the hell is up with her eyes? She's barely able to keep them open, and the bangs over the forehead doesn't help matters. I'm guessing .13 on the BAC and sliding. Simon likes her, but didn't like the performance.

Moving on.

* Matt Giraud, "Viva la Vida". Crap, I hate this song. That isn't good, because just seeing the look back so far, I like this kid. Anyone who shows up for the biggest audition of his life in a plain white t-shirt is my kind of guy.

He comes out and starts oversinging it from moment one. He's trying to be a Justin Timberlake here? And its actually kind of working for me. Granted, he's no Justin, but this isn't bad. Kind of a mediocre finish, but it was bearable. I don't see him advancing though.

Whoa, new judge goes first? Since when does Randy not go first? That's outrageous. Anyways, his journey's done, so say the judges (and steve).

* Jeanine Vailes, "This Love". Ugh. Only one person has ever covered this song properly on this show. The man who should have won season six. My favorite Idol contestant ever. The greatness that is Blake Lewis. But anyways, let's see what this chick can do with it.

She's already blown it. The opening to this song is so key, and she slowed it down. Insane. Plus her lips are distracting as hell. Too glossy and too collagen injected. Its like watching Lisa Rinna at the height of her greatness on "Melrose Place" all over again. Only this chick is nowhere near as hot as Lisa Rinna.

I agree with Simon. It was terrible. It was painful at times, it was a struggle ... goodbye, and good luck.

* Nick Mitchell, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going". Holy crap this kid is a freak. Red headband?!?! That outfit? Oh my effing God. Seriously, how has this trainwreck made it this long?

His voice is awful. His wardrobe makes me literally want to gag. And now he's stripping on stage? Somewhere David Hernandez realizes he missed his calling last season. The judges are openly laughing at him. Jesus, get off the stage already. THIS is why I don't tune into Idol until this point, to avoid assholes like this. I don't even care to listen to the judges comments, just get rid of this dipsh*t and now.

* Allison Iraheta, "Alone". Another song that only one Idol contestant should ever be allowed to perform, Carrie Underwood from season four. Oh well, if you insist on trying, I guess I can listen.

She kind of looks like Kelly Clarkson to me. I'm sure probably a million people have said or written that, but hey, I'm new to the party.

And I'm actually kind of liking this. Whereas Carrie went for the huge moment with this song, she's kind of laying back on the verse. And then the chorus. Holy Lord, she's pulling this off! She doesn't have the vocal power of Carrie Underwood, but this is actually pretty damned good. And I kind of like the deeper voice on the slower parts. I am actually digging this. Actually, I am really digging this!

(steve standing and applauding!)

Very, very good! Randy agrees with me, we've got "real singing". Well, compared to the sh*tshow that just left the stage, I'm a real singer. But I get his point. Next up ...

* Kris Allen, "Man in the Mirror". I'll give him this: I can't recall a single "Idol" performer that has ever done this song before. So we're at least getting something original. Let's see what he can do to a song that I like a lot.

Starts off pretty good. I like that he took it down an octave. I like this arrangement, the sound of it. Scratch that. I am LOVING this performance. Once he hit the chorus and didn't blow it out, just kept it as the same coffeehouse type performance, he won me over. This is really good. This is incredibly good. Especially as he hits the freestyle part. Bravo! Hang on.

(steve standing and applauding!)

Seriously, this had a kind of Matt Nathanson / Patrick Park vibe to it. I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

New judge didn't like it. Says it was the "wrong song, completely wrong". Uuh, ok. Pauler "disagrees completely". Oh sh*t, I agree with Pauler. Well, then again, we're both probably drunk while watching this, so. Simon agrees with the "drunken duo" of Pauler and Steve! Randy liked it as well. See, we don't need no stinkin' new judge!

* Megan Joy Corkrey, "Put Your Records On". Ugh. I am not a fan of this song. Or of Corinne Bailey Ray. But let's see what she has to offer.

Well, at least we have a Carly Smithson replacement this year. Not a fan of the full arm length tat. This is actually a decent performance. Again, I hate this song. But she did pretty well with it. Figures to be a solid top 5, 6 performance tonight, and if she doesn't advance, will get a wildcard invite.

* Matt Brietzke "If You Could Only See". He's in this for his family. Wonderful. I'm not a big fan of this song, but its bearable.

He opens up ok. Its a decent performance. Its nowhere near as good as Kris' was. Or Allison's. I guess he'd finish 7th or 8th in the voting.

Simon is "frustrated". I'm "underwhelmed". Let's move on before everyone piles on the guy.

* Jesse Langseth, "Bette Davis Eyes". Now THIS has potential. This is a very, very, very intriguing choice to me. I can't wait to see how this unfolds.

And I'm liking this early. Started a little slow, but once she hit the chorus, I like it. A lot. She's got the vocals down pretty good, right down to the breathy finish to each line that Kim Carnes used. She's struggling to the finish line though, kind of struggled a little bit at about the minute mark. Overall, not bad. She's the second best chick so far, definite contender for the 3rd advance slot.

Randy not a fan. And thank GOD he's back to being the first judge. Don't screw with the rotation guys. Randy, Pauler / new judge, and Simon at the finish. Its worked for 6 years (season one, ironically, Randy was in Simon's seat, and vice versa), so why screw with it. New judge thought it was decent. OK, let's move on, I don't want to hear Pauler's incoherent rant or Simon's probable trashing.

* Kai Kalama, "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted". Great song. Tough to cover. Survey says ...

OK, first off, his facial expressions are just scary. Its totally screwing his performance. Which vocally hasn't been that bad. But its not that good either. And the hair, I can't figure out if its Kai, or Sayid from "Lost" on my screen right now. Did my TiVo melt the two shows together? Or is the Island now on "Idol"'s stage? I'm confused.

Meanwhile, this is yet another "underwhelming" performance. Waste of time and space. But not talent, I'm not seeing much on stage at this point.

Pauler and new judge mention the pitch issues. I was too busy being freaked out by the facial tics and the hair to notice. Simon calls it old fashioned, corny ... let's move on. Because this kid is moving out.

* Mishavonna Henson, "Drops of Jupiter". Ooh, a Train song. This has potential.

My first thought is, her name is Mishavonna and she's not black? Wow. Don't mean to sound racially biased, because I'm not but man. Would not have expected her to be white.

She's slowed it down ... and I'm liking it. She needs the nose stud though. It would, uuh, complete her look. Anyways, the performance is not bad. She's the second best female tonight. And since she's the last one, I guess that means she's the, uuh, 2nd best one in my book. Not a fan of the final couple seconds, but overall, very good performance. She'll be in the mix for that third advance slot.

Pauler didn't like it. She wasn't excited. Get her another vodka stat! Simon says she's "too serious" to win this. I'm voting for this girl -- "too serious" people deserve some love too dammit! Randy going off about the alphabet song, come on, focus RJ, focus. New judge thinks she needs to "loosen up". Again, what's wrong with not being a "loosened up" person? I'm "too serious" and I need to "loosen up"!

Oh.

Wait.

Never mind. I just kind of, uuh ... yeah, let's just move on. To our final performance of the night if I've counted right ...

* Adam Lambert, "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction". Wow, the Stones on Idol! Somewhere Keith Richards is rolling over in his grave! What, Keith is still alive?!?! I swear, I watched the Stones at the Garden concert on HBO and he looked dead! (rimshot!) Yeah, that was awful. Just ... Chuck, stand up Chuck! Oh, God love ya, what am I talking about! (rimshot!) I tell you what, you're making an awful lot of people stand up though pal! (rimshot!) I tell you what, stand up for Chuck! (rimshot!) Thank you, thank you very much. Good to see you pal, you can tell I'm new (rimshot!)

Really, Gregg and I talked about this the other day: why has no reality TV show been developed yet to follow the Vice President in his every day life? You're telling me you WOULDN'T tune in to see Joe Biden unplugged? Really? The biggest gaffe machine of our lifetimes unplugged and uncensored? Why has this not happened? Someone get on the phone with CSPAN already, this is how they can actually generate a 0.1 rating.

Anyways, sorry, I digress. Adam Lambert doing the Stones. Let's get it on!

So anyways, this kid looks interesting. A little freaky, but there's nothing wrong with freaky. Holy crap, he does have the David Cook hairdo. I like how he opened slow ... then opens it up.

But black fingernail polish? (verne lundquist voice) oh my goodness! He might play a (bill raftery voice) mantoman! defense (rimshot!) Good God, this is a bigger trainwreck than that headband wearing kook 40 minutes ago. I really want to throw the glass of shiraz at the screen, its that bad. This is AWFUL. This is HORRIBLE. This is (chuck barkley voice) TURRIBLE!

And Pauler is clapping like a seal and standing. That just about sums it up. She's the only judge who finds it decent, I'm guessing. She's literally speechless over this performance. Either I missed something, or Pauler's pushing .26 right now. Simon finds parts great, parts "excruciatingly bad". Its a love it or hate it performance. I hated it. RJ loved it. He's an idiot. He's a freaking idiot. Calls him one of the "most current artists we've ever had on the show". Dude. Dog. Hit the blunt again. Calls it "da bomb". Yeah, if by "da bomb" you mean the thing you leave in the toilet after the $2.99 all you can eat buffet at Pancho's Mexican Buffet. (steve raising the flag for a new plate ... god i miss pancho's ...)

And, that's it. My guess is that Allison gets the female auto pass to the top 12. I'd put Kris Allen through for the male auto pass. And the third non-gender specific spot, I'd probably give to Mishavonna or Megan. Whichever one ponies up for the nose stud first, gets the vote. Mishavonna seems like she'd go for it, so I'll tab her. Curious to see what the results show says.