hawk football: "is it just me ..."

What a beautiful, wonderful opening day for Hawk Football 2009. Temperatures not hot enough that you hate being outside, but hot enough that you sweat. Bright sunshine everywhere. And the hippie guy at Jensen Liquors is alive and well.

As always, your postgame recap:

* Left for Lawrence after Syracuse blew their opener to Minnesota. The group headed up was Gregg, Brent, Steve (no shocker), plus the lovely Ashley, and the always entertaining Mallory. Emphasis on "entertaining".

* I've struggled all night for what to call those magical moments when Mallory opens her mouth and says something so mind-boggingly stupid, that one of two things immediately happens. Either (a) everyone just goes dead silent in utter shock at the stupidity of what she just said, or (b) everyone busts out laughing so hard that you always hear at least one person say "stop! stop! I'm going to pee my pants, please stop!" I'm open to suggestions. For now, I'm going to call it a "MS Moment".

* So, MS Moment numero uno. We weren't even 50 feet out of the neighborhood before we hear her say "so do you ever watch golf?" After the obligatory "yes" from the folks in the car (at least 3 of whom have attended actual PGA Tour events), she comes back with "I like watching the broadcasts, because there are so many sexual overtures in them!" Only Mallory would watch a golf broadcast because of the "sexual overtures" of Verne Lundquist and Gary McCord. This of course led to the "do you like your greens bikini-waxed? do you like to play in the rough? Do you like it long, or short?" Really, she ... let's just move on.

* First smart decision of the day: by me, for bringing a stiff Captain and Coke with me for the drive up. Enough MS Moments will drive you to drink. Trust me, the ability to get aroused from a golf broadcast was just the tip of the iceberg.

* Arrive in Lawrence about 3:10 thanks to typical Steve style driving (85 and please, get the hell out of the left lane if you can't match me). Manage to park in the usual spot, on Ohio just north of 9th. In a shocking, holy sh*t! development, I successfully parallel-parked the first try. Usually I need guides both front and back. Noone was more surprised than me.

* Immediately head to my favorite bar in Lawrence. Quinton's! We perfectly timed the arrival, and managed to score a double table near the front with a perfect view of every working TV.

* Of course, on the walk to Quinton's, the joking began. Gregg started it off, "Is it just me, or did Steve ..." Then Brent came back with another "Is it just me, or did Steve ..." Of course, I was oblivious. Ashley didn't get it. Mallory was clueless. Finally, 30 minutes later, it dawns on someone that Gregg and Brent were reliving our first BuKCs party last year, when I was noting that Brent's mom had a thing for my package at the last KU game. Which led to the classic Dusty response of "SHUT UP AND NO!" The rest of the night, "Shut up and No!" or "Is it just me or ..." was a phrase of the day.

See, this is what happens when you haven't had a good get-together like this in eight months. Sure, we had the 300,001st ounce tailgate but that was with other folks involved as well. This was the core group, playing off each other beautifully, for the first time since the BuKCs party at Gregg's on my birthday. Good stuff.

* Brent's folks showed up right after we got there for a quick one. I hadn't seen them since the KU / MU game, when cookies of a special variety were being consumed by Brent's mom and myself. Good to see good folks doing good.

* Sadly, his folks had to check out to hit up another Steve-approved bar, Harbor Lights. But it was a fun 15 minutes with Mark and Rita.

* A few minutes after they left, the beautiful and lovely Sara appeared! Hadn't seen her since the KU / South Florida game last year. Although in fairness, she lives in Colorado. Still, she looked awesome as always, and she had no issues with joining in the give and take of the day. I knew I liked that girl. At least until a moment in the 3rd quarter ...

* After a couple rounds, some good food, and some good times, it was time to head to the stadium. After divying up the tab, it was off to ... well, the car, to drop stuff off and pick stuff up. Then off to Jensen Liquors to get the obligatory "one bottle minimum" admission fee for Hawk Football. And then, the awesome hike in on Mississippi.

* I love the walk in on Mississippi. Its just awe-inspiring. Everywhere you look, every home has overflow parking, folks drinking, grilling, tossing washers, doing that ring toss thing, playing a marathon beer-pong cession. Music blaring, everyone laughing, having fun. Its my favorite thing about gameday, I think.

* After a healthy hike up the Hill, we were prepared to do something that literally had been a lifetime in the making. Gregg, Brent, Steve and Sara taking a shot on the Don Fambrough Bench. Only ... some trashy folks had set up their tailgate ON the bench. (brian griffin voice) what the hell? How the hell do you tailgate on THAT bench? We let it slide since it was the first game, and we were running late anyways. But come the Duke game, I might kick them out so we can have our shot.

* Arrived at the ticket line about an hour before kickoff. Here's why I love KU security and ticket taking. I had two huge bottles of booze in my KU shorts I always wear. The bottles were so heavy that I literally was trying to hold my shorts up. I also was trying to hide the "youth" on my ticket. The result? No patdown, the ticket taker didn't care, and we got a "History Awaits" t-shirt out of the deal.

* Student section was overflowing early. We wound up in our usual section, but in rows 56 and 57. Good grief.

* Mallory was captivated by the Pride of Kansas. MS Moment numero dos: she didn't understand how the band was going to come through the tunnels and onto the field. Its called "steps and a gate" honey. Steps and a gate.

* I still hate Sunflower Song. Seriously, Jazzy Jayhawk instead. Much more peppier. And less (stewie griffin voice) lame, lame. Sunflower Song is lame.

* I am certainly not a fan of the direction this country is headed in, and I despise this President ... but the complete lack of respect by certain member of the student section during the National Anthem infuriated me. Shut your f*cking mouths, take your hats off, and give your country respect. You don't need to be talking about who you had a drunken hookup with last night as the "rockets red glare" and the "bombs bursting in air" are being remembered.

* On the other hand, given our current President, its probably fitting that the Anthem ends with a question. "O Say Does That Star Spangled Banner Yet Wave? O'er the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave?" I question that myself anymore.

* New pregame intro. I miss the old one.

* The stadium was literally overflowing at kickoff. It took stadium security literally the entire first half just get the aisles cleared in the student section, so many people were there that there were literally no seats anywhere. Folks were not only standing on benches, they were going 3-4 deep in the aisles in front of the benches. I almost got a tear in my eye. I never dreamed I'd live to see the day when a friggin game against Northern Colorado would draw 56k plus to Memorial Stadium.

* The first drive ended with just a play of unreal beauty. 4th and Goal at the 1 1/2. I screamed "kick!" because despite my new-found adult friend finder-style fling with this thing called "offensive football", I still have some conservative tendencies. "God Damn" Todd Reesing took the snap, down the line, looking to option ... then lowered the shoulder like he was going to toss the ball to Sharp ... and instead tucked it, took it upfield, Touchdown Hawks! Unbelievable.

* Northern Colorado drove right down the field. In a recurring theme, our defensive line had issues. They could get to the point of contact, they just couldn't seal the deal. Way too many tackles last night by our safeties and linebackers. Thankfully, they somehow shanked a 25 yard field goal, and Kansas came right back with another Reesing run to make it 14-0.

* Nice shovel pass from Reesing to Sharp to make it 21-0.

* Number 30 in your programs, number one on the benched starters squad. Whoever the hell number 30 is, your right corner for Kansas, had 3 pass interference penalties in less than 4 minutes, including back-to-backers. Mangino was pissed. As was I.

* Halftime was the Pride of Kansas' tribute to Super Hero Cartoons. I am outraged, absolutely OUTRAGED, that Scooby Doo was not included. Come on! How is Scooby not a super hero? He and the Mystery Machine gang solved every case they ever handled! And they did it while clearly hooking up on the site of the investigation (Fred and Daphne), toking up while on the job (Shaggy), and eating shrooms (Scooby). Not sure what Velma was up to, but I'm guessing any female perps, she was "distracting". And to think people wonder why my generation is so f*cked up. Our cartoon hero was Scooby and gang! A bunch of drug crazed, sex addicted "heroes" with the token lesbian tossed in there. My way of saying, I friggin love Scooby Doo. That should have been part of the rotation.

* MS Moment numero tres began sometime around halftime and just kept going. When Mallory was trying to figure out what a Jayhawk was. By the time we were headed home, Gregg had her convinced a Jayhawk was an endangered species that lived in the wheat fields of western Kansas. Gregg even noted "that's why we wave the wheat after we score, we're trying to hide the Jayhawk from people who would hurt it!"

* After the game? What else. Burrito King! Where Brent dropped his BS Moment of the day. A guy behind us in line had on this cowboy hat and porn stache, and was in line with his mom and some friends. And Brent starts in with "if you were his mom, would you make him shave his stache? Because I would". But when Ash and I kept asking him why, he had no response other than "he needs to shave". Of course, Brent completely glossed over the fact that he used to have an even sleazier porn stache than this guys, and he's the ultimate metrosexual so any trend in fashion he'll sign onto before 99.99% of the population ... but yeah, shave the stache.

* Then the Brent and Ross text-showdown that was just hysterical. "Its the 9 oclock hour shouldn't you be working on your basement" What made it even funnier than the fact that it completely trashed Ross, was that Brent couldn't remember his response, he had to keep relying on Mallory of all people to "retell" the text story. Yup, there were some drunk folks walking 9th Street last night ...

* Then MS Moment numero quatro on the drive home: when she made some reference about how she made Cory's drink "tall and stiff". And for a solid five minutes, we were dropping the sex jokes on her, only it was completely going over her head. I swear, that girl is awesome. There's only one Mallory. Which is probably a good thing.

* MS Moment number cinco: she couldn't remember ever attending a KU game last year. Uuh, Mal? You were right there with us at KU / MU. And she also didn't remember the "how far did you and Damien go" text messaging from the drive up for the Texas game last year. That in and of itself was hysterical.

* The rest of the drive home was fine. Although I'm sure I'm missing another MS Moment or six. Everyone made it home somehow, despite a few folks being in, uuh, "rare form".

All in all, a solid first game of the year. Easy win for the Hawks. Good times had by good friends in a great town. Here's hoping that 11:30 kickoff for Duke in two weeks yields a tasty treat that only Ashley knows how to make ...