hawk football: take my breath away ...

Another beautiful, sunny, unseasonably warm victorious Saturday in Lawrence. Let's hope we get a few more of these along the way.

* Apparently I am not quite in midseason form yet. I didn't set the alarm when I went to bed at about 12:30am Friday night because I figured I'd be wide awake in plenty of time for Hawk Football.

I roll over in bed ... and see 7:57am on the alarm clock. I still need to get gas since the car was below empty. I still need to shower, get dressed, and hit an ATM as well for some cash for Saturday. And I'm supposed to be at G's by 8:45, a solid 31 minute drive away. Somehow, I made it with a couple seconds to spare. Let's just say, the new car ... I'm rediscovering the driving habits that made more than one person swear at me back in the day. 90 is the new 70!

* One thing that was in midseason form, hell in postseason form for that matter, was the breakfast burritos that only Ashley can make. They even made mine special for me, not using milk or cheese, and cooking it in a separate pan so that I (hopefully) wouldn't have my lactose intolerance bite me in the ass midway through the second quarter. Mission accomplished! Seriously, the burritos are quite possibly my third favorite thing about gameday. Behind the ridiculousness that is Jayhawk Football ticket taking / security, and my irrational hatred of anything affiliated with Sunflower Song, of course.

* The drive up was notable for one main reason: Gregg drove! I don't remember the last time Gregg drove up to a KU game. Its been me or Brent for the last three years, at least.

* The moment of inspiration guaranteed to touch the hearts, minds, souls, and tear ducts of any KU fan on the drive up:

"Don't worry baby --
I can take the news ok!

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eye --
Look away! Baby, look away!
And if we meet on the street someday,
And I don't know what to say --
Look away! Baby, look away!
Don't look at me!
I don't want you to see me this way ..."

As Meredith noted, "wow, its neat that you guys listen to songs that came out when I was 3 years old!" Thanks. I guess.

* Parked close to our usual spot, on Ohio between 8th and 9th. Emphasis on "close to our usual spot". As Mr. Hoduski would have noted, "stay tuned".

* Not much beats buying a bottle of vodka from our good friends at Jensen Liquors at 9:30 in the morning. I just need to remember the $.09 next time, so that I don't have to lug $.91 in change with me all day. You'd think after a decade, I'd remember that by now.

* The walk to the stadium on Mississippi, we must have passed 10-12 "Puke!" shirts. Granted, they were insults at our opponent, the Duke Blue Devils. But as Gregg and Brent so generously noted at each effing alley we passed, "hey, is it just me, or did Steve puke in this alley once?" Or "is it just me, or do you remember that time Steve puked in that corner of the alley". Really, guys, in all seriousness, if we're gonna start counting all the places I've puked from intoxication, we're gonna be here all day, night, and most of the week. Its called "alcoholism". I suffer from it.

* Also loved the fact that I'd sweated through the t-shirt by the time kickoff arrived. That's my kind of day, when its hot enough that you think "why in the hell am I wearing a shirt"? In my case, the answer was obvious: I have a really bad case of poison ivy right now from working in my folks yard all week. My face, chest and arms are swollen, and it hurts to type because my left hand is the size of the Hamburger Helper hand thingy. But I'm a trooper. Hence your recap.

* 0 for 2 in celebrating Hawk Football at the Don Fambrough Memorial Bench. This week, the (president obama voice) jackasses who "tailgate" up there, literally set their tent over the bench. This was ridiculous for three reasons:

1. there wasn't another tailgate within 20 yards of them. Unapproved tailgate on the Hill! Someone get Lew Perkins stat!

2. last time I checked, that bench was a PUBLIC bench. Not a private one for this arrogant collection of pricks. And most importantly,

3. who the hell uses a tent when its 80 and sunny at 10 in the morning? You don't hide from the sun, you embrace it! You treat it like ... well, like its the greatest thing since "reputable singles site" that I love so much. You don't hide like you're Edward in the "Twilight" series.

* Brent's suggestion: instead of having a shot at the bench, our tradition is now we "walk up the Hill to the Campanille expecting to take a shot at the bench, then get pissed when the bench isn't available, so we go to the other bench in anger and drink there". I'm good with that.

* Sat in section 21, but much lower this week, I believe we were in row 42 if I remember right.

* Unfortunately, we had one of the single biggest deuchebags in front of us that I can ever recall the student section hosting. There was that loser a few years ago with the effed up teeth who always wore Tennessee gear. There was (and still is) the loudmouthed drunk in the 95 homemade / P.O.S. jersey. But this guy, this guy takes the cake. He had no understanding of basic football 101. He thought KU could do no wrong (believe me, we can. You aren't tied with Duke midway through the 2nd quarter unless you're doing a LOT wrong). And worst of all, he piggybacked onto the "Rip His Fucking Head Off!" chant with "I Hate the Chiefs!". Its a miracle I didn't throw down with this guy.

* Noone disagreed with my suggestion to blend the Sunflower Song formation with Jazzy Jayhawk or Africano as the background noise. I suspect people were just being kind and tolerant with the mentally challenged guy making the suggestion, but thanks for caring enough to not make me look even dumber than I already appear.

* Best play of the game, I thought, was Duke's first play from scrimmage. After KU punted, Duke called a quick slant over the middle. The guard pulled on the play, and just LEVELED the KU linebacker, opening up a nearly 80 yard gain. Seriously, it was one of the most beautiful plays I have ever seen executed at any level of football. You'd think that Duke coach David Cutcliffe was an offensive guru who won a national title with Tee Martin, took Ole Miss to New Years Day bowls, and mentored both the Manning brothers. Oh ...

* Best KU play of the day, late 3rd quarter. Reesing is pressured, and literally does a handstand to keep his balance, he flips his body via a handstand, and scrambles for a 20 yard gain to set up goal to go. Its not possible to describe this. You just ... as Gregg put it as it happened in his best Verne Lundquist voice "OH MY GOODNESS!" Good stuff.

* Some things just aren't the same without Mallory. Raising the wheat, for example. Hopefully the little Jayhawks out in the fields were safe without her there to protect them.

* The highlight of the game: the attempt of KU to cover. Not that any of us had a financial stake in the game's final score. Let's just say, the interception on the final play of the game of Thaddeus Young, had a few people in the student section visibly excited. And a few more visibly shaken. The KU Student Section: we can't afford food, deodorant, or decent looking attire, but by God, we've got condoms, booze, and a gambling addiction! Its the little things in life that count, after all. :)

* Actually, what am I saying. The HIGHLIGHT of the game was a visibly intoxicated Gale Sayers attempting to pimp the Gridiron Club. I really hope someone youtube!'s this magical moment. It was that much of a train wreck. Gale, you might want to lay off the bloody mary's and mamossa's if you're going to be speaking in front of 50,000 plus people. Take it from me: its tough to speak in public to people you're trying to sell a product to, if you're slurring your words, think "Gridiron Club" is actually "The Jake", and you reek of bourbon and Parliaments.

* Post game, we wait around for Meredith's ex, who's a trainer at Duke. So there's at least one straight guy who attends Duke. Or one more than I thought (ka boom boom ching)!

* I kid, I kid. Greg Paulus was obviously straight, given his choice of the 'Cuse to continue his career. (ka boom boom ching)!

* The walk to the car ... more noting "hey, is it just me, or did Steve puke ..." Guys? Hello? You all pee, I puke. Either way, its still not the best idea to do in public. Although if I had to choose, I'd rather whiz than upchuck ... but they both beat the "take a squat" option ...

* And as for the "Stay Tuned" item earlier ... apparently we parked too close to a stop sign, because there was a $55 ticket on the windshield when we got back to the car.

So allow me to rant for a brief moment on "Lawrence's Finest".

There was NO painted yellow line on the curb signifying a no parking zone. There was no fire hydrant, there was no walkway, no sidewalk entrance, no ANYTHING to indicate this was an illegal parking spot. To ticket us, and others, on gameday, simply to pad your bottom line, is chicken shit.

This is where I'd normally rant about how true "heroes" aren't recognized as heroes simply because they do what they're paid by us to do. But why bother to pile on. Hopefully the ticket gets fixed, because there is no justifiable basis for its issuance. Christ, we parked in basically the same spot, maybe two cars back, at the last home game. We were in front of the same house. I didn't get ticketed. And I was within 30 feet of the stop sign.

Screw you Lawrence PD. Don't bother asking me or anyone else with us on Saturday for donations to some police charity. We're giving you $55 you don't deserve, that's more than enough.

Heroes my mother effing ass.

* Ride back, other than the ticket, was nothing unusual. I made a few ridiculous analogies. The iPod was rocking late 80s / early 90s music. Even the Urge's "Liquor Store" made it into the mix, always a good thing.

* Coming tomorrow, the recap of the other part of Gameday Weekend. Let's just say I was more upset leaving Arrowhead, than I was leaving Memorial Stadium ...