the bottom of the barrel

Deadspin today posted it's list of the 100 Worst Players in NFL History.

Shockingly, very few Chiefs appear on the list. I thought this was an outrage, given (a) the fact that the Chiefs once went 15 consecutive seasons without finishing above .500, (b) the Chiefs can match their win total for the last two seasons combined with a win on Sunday, and (c) this team has only made the playoffs four times in the last fifteen years. To be that bad, you have to have a wonderful collection of losers, busts, and all-out talentless hacks on your roster.

Here then, is one hot-as-hell blogger's ranking of the 18 worst players and 2 worst assistant coaches in Chiefs history.

(Note: there aren't any people on this list from before the mid 1980s. That's because I was born in 1977. I didn't start really paying attention to football until I was 7 ... right in the mid 1980s. So while I'm sure there were some horrific Chiefs in the 1970s and before, they likely won't make this list. Case in point, Todd Blackledge, would make nearly any Chiefs fans list of "Worst Draft Picks Ever" and "Worst Chiefs Player Ever". He does not appear on this list. Has to be guys I whose pathetic attempts to play or coach I watched ... or at least have a memory of watching ...).

20. Tim Krumrie, DL Coach 2006-2009. To be fair, he faced the daunting task of replacing a coach everyone in this town loved, the awesome Bob Karmelowitz. OK, at least I loved Bob, even though he probably deserves a spot in this list as well, given how sh*tty our defensive line was during the Vermeil years.

But Krumrie was worse. By his third season overseeing the line (2008), he had six high draft choices from the previous few drafts under his watch -- Ryan Sims (1st, 2002), Junior Siavii (2nd, 2003), Tamba Hali (1st, 2006), Tank Tyler (2nd, 2007), Turk McBride (3rd, 2007), Glenn Dorsey (1st, 2008) -- and to his credit, the Chiefs did set a NFL record.

For the fewest sacks recorded in a 16 game season.

Thankfully, Krumrie was finally shown the door after last year's disasterous 4-12 season.

Oh, and those high draft picks that Krumrie was responsible for coaching to their potential? Two of them (Tyler, McBride) are out of the League, two of them (Siavii, Sims) are riding the bench for the Seahawks and Bucs respectively, Dorsey is finally beginning to perform to his draft status, and Tamba Hali is finally playing at a Pro Bowl level ... at linebacker.

Tim Krumrie, the 2nd worst assistant coach in Chiefs history.

19. Paul Palmer, RB 1987-1988.

To Paul's ever-lasting credit, he was the draft pick that broke the proverbial camel's back. Because once "never worth a damn" GM Jim Schaaf and "stayed so long the game passed him by" President Jack Steadman wasted the 19th overall pick in 1987 on this bust of a running back from Temple, owner Lamar Hunt finally had seen enough. Within a year, he fired Schaaf, kicked Steadman upstairs, and hired a bright young executive named Carl Peterson to finally put the franchise onto a winning track. So I guess we should be somewhat grateful to Paul Palmer for helping to usher in a pretty solid 15 year run.

Then again, Palmer's the guy who once threatened to intentionally fumble if more plays weren't called for him, so he's probably not someone worth being grateful about.

16, 17, and 18. Jayice Pearson, DB 1986-1992; Jeff Donaldson, DB 1990; Stan Petry, DB 1989-1990.

One of the very few drawbacks to the stadium renovations, is that the signs indicating what section you are arriving at, no longer have pictures of memorable moments in Chiefs history.

I used to love those pics. Seeing DT boatrace john elway from the 1992 Christmas Day game in section 128. Seeing Christian Okoye from the Bills Monday Nighter in 1991 in section 134.

But my favorite pic, was the one that used to announce you'd arrived in my section, 132. It's the only picture I can recall where a bad play for the Chiefs was featured, but that day, that game, was so epically awful, it deserved it's place in the annals of history.

The day Warren Moon rolled into town on a cold, drizzly December afternoon ... and promptly torched Jayice Pearson, Stan Petry, Number Six on this List, and Jeff Donaldson for 550 yards and four touchdowns.

The pic was the last touchdown the Oilers scored that day. It was Haywood Jeffries literally splitting Petry and Donaldson, taking off for the end zone, as Petry and Donaldson both dive and whiff on the tackle. Also lunging in from behind was Pearson, who also whiffed, and failing to stop Jeffries from turning a 20 yard gain into an 80 yard touchdown, was Number Six on this List. That picture never failed to make me laugh. Four Chiefs DBs on one wide receiver, and ALL of them whiff on the tackle. Obviously, it didn't make the Chiefs front office laugh, as two were cut after the season, and Pearson and Number Six on the List were gone shortly after that.

(That should also tell you something -- Warren Moon had so little regard for these four, that he threw into QUADRUPLE coverage!)

In an incredible coincidence, Stan Petry and I share a degree from the same university! Wow! And here us TCU alumnuses have spent our whole lives debating whether Sammy Baugh or LDT is the best player we've ever sent to the NFL. We can still have that debate ... but it's time to launch another debate: who's the WORST player we've ever sent to the NFL: Stan Petry, or Larry Brown? There's no easy answer to that one.

Pearson has gone on to some limited fame and fortune as a broadcaster for FOX Sports ... only, he's so highly respected and regarded at that network, that in the nearly ten years of him calling games for them, they have yet to spell his name correctly when he appears on screen. It's always "JC", not "Jayice". Beautiful.

As for Donaldson, he usually shows up for Alumni Weekend. That's the one thing about this list of players and coaches that never fails to make me shake my head and laugh, is that a lot of these lovable folks still show up every year to a warm round of applause from the very fans that were chucking things at their TVs while watching them play, or hurling expletives at them inside the stadium watching them play. Never fails to make me laugh, showing respect to the guys we hated. (Especially Number Three on this list. That guy never misses an Alumni Day, and every year for Alumni Weekend, I always theme my picks post around his "illustrious" on-field career. But we'll get to him in a little while).

15. Brett Perriman, WR 1997.

For his career, Perriman is a very curious inclusion on this list. He made multiple Pro Bowls with the Detroit Lions, his free agent signing was widely hailed as a coup in the 1997 offseason, and having met the guy a few times (my brother and his son played on the same soccer club in high school), he's a decent all around dude who just wound up in a bad situation here in KC.

Which is why he made the list. He contributed nothing on the field. He had one meaningful play as a Chief, and it didn't count -- when on the final drive in oakland that culminated in Andre Rison's touchdown (and epic extra point meltdown by Number Three on this list, who now that I think about it, might wind up even higher ...), he made a tremendous catch, getting two feet down before falling to the ground to pick up a first down and ostensibly stop the clock by getting out of bounds.

The only problem was ... he did all this while he was already 10 feet out of bounds. He couldn't tell, in the words of Dan Dierdorf that night, "where the definition of the sideline is". Oy.

14. Trezelle Jenkins, OL 1995-1997.

A first round bust out of Michigan, the selection of which was widely ripped from the moment it occurred. This is without question Carl's biggest disaster of a pick in the first round. More incredibly, it would be his 4th "bust" in a row in the first round. More on this when we get to Number Seven. As noted on Trezelle's Wikipedia page, he "tried out for the San Francisco Demons of the XFL ... but failed to make the roster". Yikes. I mean, yikes. When you can't make the XFL ...

13. Harvey Williams, RB 1991-1993.

Another first round disaster. He never could get past either Chrisian Okoye or Barry Word on the depth chart, and Carl Peterson was so excited by the possibility of Williams getting on the field more in 1993, that he immediately signed a 36 year old Marcus Allen to keep Harvey buried on the depth chart, and promptly drafted Number Seven the following season.

Harvey went on to sign with the raiders, and somehow lasted five years by the Bay, before retiring from football.

12. "Cut" Glenn Cadrez, LB 2001-2002.

There may honestly be no player in franchise history more hated by my ex-roommate Gregg than this guy. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with Greg Robinson's incredible belief that "Cut" Glenn Cadrez was better suited for his defense than the linebacker at the time, some (eventual) multiple Pro-Bowler named Donnie Edwards.

I'm sure some of it also has to do with the fact that "Cut" Glenn Cadrez came to us from denver, and wasn't really all that great while playing for the donkeys.

But I guarantee you, the primary reason for the hate, is that "Cut" Glenn Cadrez flat out sucked ass on the football field. He couldn't cover anyone. He didn't have the speed to rush the passer. And his tackling skills rivaled that of Number Six on this list, a man so brutally awful at his most basic responsibility that we named whiffing on a tackle after him.

"Cut" Glenn lasted two seasons with the Chiefs, and was a starter on what so far remains the worst statistical defense in NFL History, the "32 Defense" from the 2002 season. (I say "so far" because if things keep going the way they are, the 2010 Texans might surpass the 2002 Chiefs as "worst statistical defense ever").

Amazingly, according to his Wikipedia page, "Cut" Glenn has done very well for himself in his life after football -- he's married to Brande Roderick! How did that happen?!?!

And how does "Cut" Glenn Cadrez get his own Wikipedia page?!?! Someone obviously has a lot of free time on their hands ...

11. "Broke" Brodie Croyle, QB 2006-present.

In the interest of full disclosure ... I like Brodie Croyle. Nobody was more pumped on Draft Day 2006 than me when we grabbed this guy in the third round. Nobody was more excited for the stretch run in 2007 with Croyle under center than I was. I like the guy. I wanted him to succeed.

Sadly, "Broke" Brodie can't stay healthy, can't throw a deep pass, and can't win -- he's 0-10 as a starter in this league, and the only two games he's had significant playing time in that he didn't start, the Chiefs lost both of those as well, so you can safely put 0-12 as his record. Call me crazy, but when you go 0-12 as a starter, you probably aren't a NFL caliber starting quarterback.

10. Justin Medlock, K 2007.

Medlock lasted exactly one game as the Chiefs starting kicker, after being drafted in the fifth round of the 2007 draft out of UCLA. The first drive of the season on that awesome day in Houston (recapped elsewhere on this site), the Chiefs offense stalled at the Texans 13 yard line. In trotted Justin Medlock.

Who promptly missed the 30 yard attempt wide right by a solid 25 feet.

Medlock was cut the following day, and hasn't really caught on with any other NFL teams since. Probably because the other NFL teams popped in a tape of that Texans kick, and thought "holy crap, if this guy is 25 feet off from 30 yards out, he probably can't kick worth a damn!"

9. Carlton Gray, S 1995-1999.

A Pro Bowl safety with the Giants, Gray signed a huge free agent contract after the 1994 season with the Chiefs ...

And then spent the next five years stealing a paycheck on the bench.

How'd he do it? I mean, I know the salary cap was much more brutal in the mid to late 90s than it ever was in the 2000s, but how the hell did Gray manage to avoid getting cut for five straight years? Did he have incriminating photos of Carl Peterson and a transvestite clown in a cheap motel room on US40? Did he kidnap a member of the Peterson or Hunt family and hold them as hostage in exchange for his roster spot? It boggles the mind that this guy basically got paid for five straight years millions of dollars to just sit on the bench. He never was active. He didn't even play special teams. He just stole millions of dollars over a five year period.

Man, I wish I knew how he did it ... so that I could replicate the feat ...

8. Matt Blundin, QB 1990-1993.

Blundin was the second of many draft picks at quarterback by Carl Peterson that never materialized into anything of value in the League. (The first? The immortal Mike Elkins, who is now a country music recording artist. Unbelievable). And God knows there's a long list of clunkers to choose from, but Blundin is the worst. Simply because he never got on the field.

A second round pick out of Virginia in 1992, Blundin never made a start in his four seasons with the Chiefs. He attempted 7 passes (completing 1, woo!) in those four years. Blundin was so far behind the curve in his third season that when both Joe Montana and Steve Bono were injured, the Chiefs went out and signed Todd Van Pelt as an emergency starter. It's always a good sign when you've been on the roster for three years, and the coaching staff has such confidence in your abilities, that they sign a dude off the street to step in and play, instead of promoting you.

(Although in the Chiefs defense ... I would have done the same thing. "He knows the system!" Yet another Biden-esque gaffe out of me back in the day).

Blundin went on to back up (arguably) the biggest free agency bust of all time in Scott Mitchell with the Lions after his tenure here ended. Like in Kansas City, Blundin never started a game, and never saw the field, other than from his view on the sideline.

7. Greg Hill, RB 1994-1997.

Yet another first round bust from Carl Peterson in the early 1990s -- and the worst is still yet to come. Seriously, Carl absolutely crapped his pants on 4 of his first 5 first round picks ... and yet the Chiefs got better every year, until it finally caught up with them in 1998. (Just like the ineptitude of Carl's drafting from 2000-2005 finally caught up with us in 2007).

How does that happen? How do you whiff on the biggest decision you make as a GM, and your team improves? Another one of those mysteries in life I will never understand.

Hill showed some flashes of greatness in his limited playing time. He was a rock solid complimentary / relief back for Marcus Allen for his first three years, and had solid yards-per-carry numbers to back up that compliment. Then came 1997, when Marty installed Hill as the starter ... and it was a debacle. The Chiefs lack of a running game bit them in the ass in the playoffs against denver, and then really bit them in the ass the following season, as out of desperation we traded for Bam Morris and all of his baggage.

There's also the (alleged) hook-ups between Marty and Hill's girlfriend, maybe that distracted him. Whatever the case, a first round pick should never be a platoon player four years into his career. That's a whiff of a pick.

6. Charles "Chuck" Mincy, DB 1991-1994.

When it comes to defining how NOT to play the defensive back position, I can think of no finer example ... than the number one person on this list, a man who not only ranks as the worst Chiefs player ever, he also ranks as my most hated Chiefs player ever, a list that, to be fair, consists of him and him alone, but still. I hate Number One on this List with a freaking passion.

But, if you had to go to a backup plan, studying "Chuck" Mincy isn't a bad backup plan. Because the dude could not tackle. The best example of this was in the Chiefs 1992 Wild Card defeat at San Diego. It's a scoreless game into the third quarter. Chargers RB Marion "I Like Big" Butts "And I Cannot Lie!" takes a handoff up the middle, gets through the front seven, and standing in front of him is Chuck Mincy, in perfect position to make the tackle.

Only, Mincy does some kind of a sideways move, anticipating Butts will try to juke him. He doesn't -- Butts was prepared to just plow into him. Instead, Butts ran untouched for the Chargers first points, and what turned out to be the winning points. (Yet another crushing Chiefs defeat on my birthday, or within a day of it. If we suffer a loss on January 2 this year to cost us the division, I'm applying to the courts to have my birthday legally changed to May 14, when the Chiefs can't lose).

"The Chuck Mincy Move" has been used ever since to describe a blown tackle. So the next time you hear someone say, "Wow, nice job Chuck Mincy" or "He tackles like Chuck Mincy", don't take it as a compliment.

5. Junior Siavii, DL 2004-2005.

Of all the horrendous defensive linemen to wear the Chiefs uniform in the 2000s, none was worse than Junior. A reach of a pick, he was taken in the second round (36th overall) in the 2004 NFL draft out of the University of Oregon.

And that was pretty much the highlight of his career.

Siavii was cut after his second non-productive season in Kansas City, and briefly resurfaced in Dallas. He is currently a member of the Seattle Seahawks, although probably not for more than the remainder of this season, if history and his lack of talent have anything to say about that.

4. Percy Snow, LB 1990-1992.

Percy Snow was considered a home run draft pick when taken 13th overall in the 1990 NFL Draft. An outstanding All American LB, the Butkus Award winner for the Rose Bowl bound, Big Ten champion Michigan State Spartans, he had "can't miss" written all over him.

This (at the time) 13 year old hot-as-hell blogger was so fired up, I even remember forcing my mom to drive me to Oak Park so that I could waste $50 of her hard earned dollars on a Percy Snow jersey when I saw they were available. I thought the kid had a huge future in front of him.

What Chiefs fan didn't dream of a DT / Snow combo at linebacker wreaking havoc on the opposing quarterback, with a front three of Neil Smith, Joe Phillips, and Dan Saleaumua? That defense would have dominated the league.

Only ... Percy didn't quite pan out. Because he blew out his knee in a wreck with a golf cart in training camp in 1991. Yes, apparently those things can go fast enough to overturn. Who knew?

Percy missed all of 1991, then came back in 1992 with his (in)famous slogan, "New Year, New Number, New Results", that quickly morphed into "New Year, New Number, Same Sh*tty Ass Results". Snow was cut after the 1992 season, spent one season with the Bears, and hasn't been heard from since.

One neat note about Percy Snow -- his brother is Eric Snow, the NBA point guard best known for his years as Allen Iverson's back court mate on those solid 76ers teams in the early 2000s. Ladies, if you're looking for a get-rich-quick scheme that might pay off a second time 20 years down the road, you can do worse than an unprotected hook up with one of the Snow brothers.

3. Jeff Criswell, OL 1995-1998.

Oh boy. Of all the players on this list, there might be none of them I love as much as Jeff Criswell ... post-career. He's still a visible active presence in the community, he's an active member of the Chiefs Alumni group, he's an all around good guy, family man, and one helluva awesome rep for Arrowhead Nation.

On the field though? There's really no simple way to put this. He's the most penalized offensive lineman ever.

Two moments stand out above all the rest.

(1) back when he worked for SportsDay (the sports section of the Dallas Morning News), Norman Chad would do a snarky weekly picks segment. Used to be the highlight of my Friday mornings. He always had something funny to say about one of the teams involved in the pick.

The week after the Chiefs beat the donkeys in 1997, Chad's column predicted the Chiefs to beat the Seahawks (and they did), and this was the one liner:

"The NFL recognized Derrick Thomas' 100th career sack last week with a brief ceremony and a plaque. In honor of Chiefs G Jeff Criswell's 100th holding penalty, the League is sending him an officials flag and a whistle".

When national columnists are mocking your inability to legally block, you know you suck. But the best:

(2) that raiders game in 1997, when the Chiefs scored on the bomb to Rison as time was running out? That put the Chiefs up 1, 28-27, with three seconds left. They had to try the point after touchdown. Only, up one, it made sense to go for two, so that's what the Chiefs did.

Three false starts and a holding call later, all on "69, offense", the try was no good. Marty was literally laughing on the sideline. I mean, what can you do? The stadium is dead quiet, the fans are in stunned silence and/or funneling for the exits. And here's Criswell, unable to maintain his stance on a freaking play three straight snaps, and he commits a hold to boot!

Every year, I always litter at least part of my picks column for Alumni Weekend with randomly placed "holding, 69, offense", "false start, 69, offense", "chop block, 69 offense", and so on, in honor of the most penalized offensive lineman in NFL history.

And one helluva good guy. He'll get a long, loud ovation out of me at halftime on January 2nd. And a good laugh out of me the next time I fire up the ending to that raiders game.

2. Kurt Schottenheimer, Special Teams Coach 1989-1994; Defensive Backs Coach 1995-1998; Defensive Coordinator 1999-2000.

The English language has yet to invent a word that accurately describes how crappy of a coach Kurt Schottenheimer is.

Our special teams were an unmitigated disaster in the early 1990s. Lin Elliott anyone? The Chiefs routinely gave up long returns, routinely botched the simple "hey, this kick went 9 yards deep in the end zone, I think I'll take a knee" decision, routinely shanked field goals, routinely shanked punts. Hell, punter was a revolving door -- my brief research indicates we employed 8 punters in the 6 years Kurt ran the special teams. That ain't good. Especially when they're dudes like Kelly Goodburn, Brian Barker, Kent Sullivan, and Lewis Colbert. Kurt was "demoted" in 1995 to secondary coach, and was replaced by Mike Stock ... who went on to win NFL Special Teams Coach of the Year two of the next three years.

Our defensive secondary actually held up ok under Kurt ... but once he moved on to oversee the entire defense, it became the backbone of the team. Dale Carter, James Hasty, Jerome Woods, and Reggie Tongue all reached the Pro Bowl under Kurt's replacement.

(Care to guess who it is? It's going to shock the living hell out of you, and I'm not joking when I say that. I nearly spit out my Diet Coke and Ice Cream Snickers bar when I saw who succeeded Kurt as our secondary coach. You ready? It was ... Ron Zook. The Zooker! The guy who ran Florida Gators football into the ground, is driving Illini Football over the proverbial cliff, the guy who nobody respects as a coach -- fans, alumni, media, nobody can stand the guy. Yet Zooker was an improvement over Kurt. That's high damnation for you, Kurt).

Of course, the Chiefs defense completely collapsed down the stretch in 1999 and was a joke for most of 2000. What saves Kurt from going 0 for 3 in the "I was replaced by someone better than me" department, is that his replacement as defensive coordinator was Greg Robinson, a man who should have been on this list, now that I think about it. So hang on ...

2a. Kurt Schottenheimer.
2b. Greg Robinson, Defensive Coordinator, 2001-2003.

Good God, where do I begin. Actually, I know exactly where I'll begin.

You will NEVER convince me that Greg Robinson wasn't being bought off by his former employer, "The Rat", Mike Shanahan. I don't believe in many kook conspiracy theories, but I have no doubt that Robinson was a plant by the donkeys to ensure the Chiefs would never attain sustained success. I mean, you have to be trying to tank to suck as bad as Robinson did, right?

What coach in their right mind would lobby to cut Donnie Edwards and keep "Cut" Glenn Cadrez? What coach in their right mind would consistenly scheme to have his players out of position to make a play? What coach in their right mind wouldn't voluntarily resign after presiding over the Worst Defense in NFL History?

(Of course, a better question is "what sane, rational head coach and/or GM doesn't immediately fire his ass after the 2002 season ended?")

Robinson's first defense was his best. And that team went 6-10 and gave up nearly 30 points/game. And that was his "peak". By the end of his third season, the Chiefs defense was a national joke. We were a punch line on Letterman, a one-liner on Leno.

Since leaving the Chiefs, Robinson presided over the destruction of the once-proud Syracuse program, and currently is presiding over the worst defense in NCAA Football at Michigan. How does this guy keep getting a job?

Under Robinson's watch, exactly one Chiefs defender reached the Pro Bowl -- Jerome Woods, as an injury replacement in 2003. That's it. Not one Chiefs defender was selected for the Pro Bowl when the initial selections were made. In three years! His 49 games that count will go down as the low point defensively for a franchise that was built on a solid running attack and a shut down defense.

But the undisputed champion, Steve's Pick for "Worst Chief Ever", honestly, has no competition.

1. william "bill" bartee, CB 2000-2006.

A second round pick out of the University of Oklahoma, william "bill" bartee currently occupies the top (and to date, only) spot on my Most Hated Chiefs list.

You know how sometimes, you just have this irrational hatred or fear of things, that makes no sense whatsoever to any sane person? For example, my buddy Dusty refuses to eat any kind of white sauce. Which isn't that weird -- I hate mayonnaise too, and prefer marinara to alfredo. But his reason for it? "I'm not putting any white creamy stuff in my mouth". So, he doesn't eat mayo, doesn't eat alfredo, whipped cream, or any other whitey creamy substance, because of its connotation to what you get when a man, uuh, "reaches that magical moment". That's an insane rationalization for avoiding something, and I know a thing or two about insane rationalizations (rimshot!)

For me, bill bartee is that irrational hatred. There's no particular reason why I should hate bill bartee. Granted, he contributed absolutely nothing on the field (a cornerback with zero career interceptions. Woo.) But to me, he's the symbol, he's the icon, of those crappy, horrific Chiefs defenses of the Vermeil years. He's the posterchild of them to me.

For starters, he was our first defensive draft pick of the decade. He was taken in the second round of the 2000 draft. And he was so awful, he couldn't beat out 528 year old Dexter McCleon, a drunk Eric Warfield, the forgettable Lenny Walls, or even Jerome Woods, recovering from blowing out both knees in the 2002 preseason, for playing time.

He couldn't tackle worth a damn. His pass coverage skills were Steve-esque, at best. By midway through 2004, when he should have been starting at one corner slot based on his potential and based on where he was drafted, he was routinely among the Inactive 8. A look at the 2005 season shows that he was inactive for over half the games the Chiefs played.

bill blew out his knee before the 2006 season, prompting the Chiefs to sign Ty Law as a replacement. In the ultimate insult to whatever dignity bill bartee had, Law took his number 24. bill was cut in the 2006 offseason, and hasn't played for another team since.

But, amazingly enough, he has been heard from. In doing some quick research on bill, I discovered something very disturbing, very scary, very frightening.

He has a Facebook Tribute page.

Even odds I will NOT become a fan of that thing ...