“The last time we talked?
The night that I walked?
Burns like an iron,
In the back of my mind!
I must have been high,
To say you and I?
Weren’t meant to be –
You’re just wasting my time.
Why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here?
All that I’m after?
Is a life full of laughter!
God knows what I’d do!
All that I’m after?
Is a life full of laughter!
As long as I’m laughing?
(And I know)
All that still matters?
Is love ever after!
And after the life
We’ve been through?
I know there’s no life?
After you! …”
My apologies for a month without posting.
Let’s just get at it, shall we?
Peoples and peepettes?
Your second fake mailbag, of the year.
* “So no recap of “House of Wings” or Secretary Clinton’s speeches? Good God dude, you weren’t this lazy four years ago! Thoughts?” – Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Well here’s the thing – I don’t know what to think.
For the record, I liked Mr. Trump’s speech, and I hated Mrs. Clinton’s.
Two of the three most conservative people I know? Felt a complete 180 degree opposite. My mom liked Mrs. Clinton’s speech enough – and more specifically, hated “House of Wings”’s speech – that voting for her is in play. (As of today, she’s all aboard the Gary Johnson train.) And my adopted mom – who wouldn’t vote for Hillary if you put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger – thought HRC’s speech was the best speech out of the two conventions.
(The third conservative brain I pick at, “The Voice of Reason”, I refused to ask to comment on Hillary’s speech. But I can confirm I liked “House of Wings”’s effort more than he did.)
I guess this is why 2016 is destined to be the Brian Griffin Memorial “What the Hell?!?!?!” Election of our lifetimes – our next President is guaranteed to be a pathological liar. Man, does that fact make you long for the glory days of “Corzine Cronies” and “Left. Liberal. Granholm!”
* “How many more scandals is it going to take until you decide not to elect Crooked Hillary to the Presidency? Just pick a number – you know she’s going to hit it!” – Will D, South KC.
There’s no number to name – my vote ain’t changing. Criminal always – always! – trumps crazy. At least in the Casa de Stevo.
* “So who is going to win?” – Clancy J, Waldo.
“House of Wings”. It’s a gut feeling based mainly on the fact that in the last four elections, I’ve only voted for the winner once, and I wasn’t exactly proud of that vote to begin with (2004, I voted Bush over Kerry. It’s one of the few votes I’ve ever cast in my life, I wish to God I could undo. But then again, I lived in Kansas, and it’s not like my vote mattered, so what the hell.)
If you remember 2000, the late, great Tim Russert holding up the white board with three words on it: Florida, Florida, Florida? Come November 8, his son Luke can hold up the white board with three words on it: Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania.
But I also think “House of Wings” is going to win because of four reasons:
1. Nobody is buying this KKK sh*t Hillary is selling. Not even me.
2. Only God knows what’s coming in the next promised Wikileaks data dump. And I guarantee you, every damned last one of us Clintonistas is terrified, of what’s coming.
3. “House of Wings” is going to clobber her in the debates. And note to angry Trumpsters – it doesn’t matter that two debates are up again prime time NFL contests, and the third is up against the World Series. ALL of America is going to watch. This is the greatest reality show in history, period. But mostly …
4. The African American vote. Simply put folks, Mrs. Clinton needs Obama-level turnout from the African American community. Between Mr. Trump’s dead-on accurate call to black Americans to open their eyes and see what fifty years of unchecked liberal rule has done to them, and the fact that Mrs. Clinton is pushing 70 and white and a woman, do you really think 92% of the African American voting base is turning out, like they averaged in the last two elections? Or do you think it’s going to plummet to a more normal 80%?
(It’s gonna plummet. Which is gonna throw Florida, Georgia, and North Carolina to “House of Wings”.)
I think Pennsylvania decides this bad boy. And I don’t think it will be decided before we got to bed on November 8 … and maybe the 9th, as well.
Oh, and to answer the obvious – yes, Clancy J is a real person. He’s a regular at my home away from home (aka “Quinton’s in Waldo”), and a very interesting person to talk to.
* “Seriously, can we do something about Hud? If I have to hear one more stinky cheese comment, I might throw something at my television!” – Reggie K, Oak Grove.
Which begs the obvious question: you need another dumb f*ck comment to start hurling things at the Royals broadcast on your screen? I’ve been doing that for at least two years, girl. Catch up with the times!
Although how great was it yesterday, that even Don Mattingly was questioning the “big red head”’s sanity?
* “Can they do this? Can the Royals really pull this off?” – Ryan M, Springfield.
As my buddy Pickell would say: “put it this way”. Put it this way – walking out of whatever the hell the Golden Gophers stadium is called on October 18th, I had no thoughts whatsoever about the Chiefs making the playoffs. It would be literally three months until the next Chiefs defeat. They went from 1-5, with no Jamaal Charles, no second option at receiver, a putrid offensive line, and the loss of their biggest defensive playmaker … to making this guy cry uncontrollably at 6:36pm CT thirteen weeks later.
So can they do this? Hell yes they can!
* “Of course they will! C’mon Stevo! They’re gonna do this!” – Tyler C, Brookside.
I like your optimism. Also, get well soon dude. I miss my bean bag teammate. Especially because my teammate at the preseason opener was worse than god awful.
* “How many wins is it going to take?” – Eric R, Blue Springs.
However many it takes to get one game clear of all but one second place finisher. Duh!
I honestly think 86 gets them in. That means a 20-15 close. And hey – if you don’t think the two time defending American League Champions can’t play barely over .500 baseball over these last six weeks? With 18 of those 35 against the horrific White Sox, atrocious A's, and sh*ttacular Twins? If you think our Boyz N Blue can’t do that? Then to quote the greatness that is George Strait:
Speaking of musical legends we'll never see on stage again …
* “Merle. God damn it.” – Blake P, KCK.
Pretty much my reaction, save for the lack of the adjective form of the greatest word in the English language, between “damn” and “it”. Oh, yeah, and taking his unquestionably wise suggestion to heart:
* “When do we get your NFL predictions? Think of your readers dude! I have three mouths to feed now! Babies need diapers!” – Anthony V, Overland Park.
Your season and week one predictions will be up no later than kickoff on Thursday, September 8th. I have created the schedule spreadsheet, but I haven’t run the schedules yet. But those schedules did reveal some interesting stuff.
For example, do you realize that there are two teams that don’t play a divisional game before the baseball postseason gets underway? (The Eagles and satan’s squad.) And there actually is a team this year that plays not one, not two, not three, oh no! There is a squad that plays (mike gundy voice) four! home games in a row! (The Packers). To quote the decrepit Fran Tarkenton: “that’s incredible!”
Now that’s NFL schedule knowledge you just ain’t gonna find, anywhere else.
* “Can you give us a sneak peak at your Week One leans? (Pause). Not for me, but for a friend.” – Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
(Note: I often joke that the Fidelity "Why Not" ad from the early 2000s is the single most indefensible racist ad of all time. These Calvin ads from the early 1990s are pretty godd*mned close to that level of racism. Even the Klan is blushing at how racist this sh*t is. And seriously -- what in the bluest of blue hells is Rose from "Lost" doing starring in (the first linked Calvin ad) as Calvin's mama? My God girl, have some respect!)
* And yet, you worked at McDonalds in that era!" -- Justin B, Olathe.
And like Calvin? I was management to boot. (Pause). What? (Pause). You're damned right I still have that McDonalds tie somewhere in my closet at my folks house.
* “If – because let’s face it, you honor a promise made on this site about as often as you get laid – if you make your weekly picks, can you add a confidence meter to them? Something that lets us know which game line you feel the best about? It will greatly pad my bank account, betting against your best bets on the board.” – Brent S, Incorporated Johnson County.
OK, first of all … (stevo sighing in disgust) … I might actually honor a promise on this site, more often than I enjoy a night of frisky fun. I mean, if I honor one, then that means I keep my words more than … (stevo sobbing) ... god fuc …
Hang on. I’m saving the ultimate indefensible swear phrase, for when it truly counts, at the end of this post.
And I’m not editing it even with an asterick.
(It’ll make sense once you get … (samuel l jackson in “die hard with a vengeance” voice) Hey Zeus!, eight pages in Word, from now.)
But I gotta admit – this is not a bad idea. And reminds me of the good old days, the high point of our gambling careers. Just remembering 2003, 2004 makes me a lil’ verklempt. (linda richman voice) Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. GLoW used to refer to something other than the sun or ladies wrestling. Discuss.
That’s really not a bad idea. Now I just need a name for it – since the greatness formerly known as The KKK has been taken by the Klassy One now.
Speaking of our good friend … let’s bring back my favorite part of the picks post – two weeks early!
Yup, it’s time for the “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week!!!!
Oh boy. Let’s check the boxes this string of intelligence from Ol’ Klassy, uuh, checks.
Racist? Yup – insinuating black people have to rely on the government for everything.
Insensitive? Yup – mocking people dealing with horrific tragedy.
Insulting of Everyone’s Intelligence? Yup – has he never watched ESPN before? They routinely do news! Sh*t, Klassy K, they even have an entire network devoted to news – and it’s called ESPN News to boot!
I’m telling you, Klassy K is the gift that keeps on giving.
* “Klassy K! I like it! He should become a rapper! Klassy K just rolls off the tongue, like Wiz Khalifa, or Master P, or Fiddy Cent!” – Jasson W, Prairie Village.
And not only that, he’d more than fit in with the hip hop culture that rap fuels, given his (alleged) love of wearing his pants down around his ankles.
* “What’s your favorite song of the summer?” – Jacob J, Olathe.
I know what I’m supposed to say – “The Weekend” by Brantley Gilbert. But I can’t. It’s absolutely horrible. It’s the worst song he’s ever done, bar none. And I should know – I ranked them all (save for the newbies on the platinum edition of “Just As I Am” … only one of which is even worth listening to, let alone ranking).
Plus, if I’ve already had to explain to uninformed tailgaters what a dugout is (and I have), I really don’t want to have to explain what “wake and bake” means. #diggingmyowngrave
The correct answer is – and I cannot believe I am typing this – “Love Me” by The 1975. It is the only song by these dudes I like – the rest of the cd is horsesh*t. But this song rocks. It is so David Bowie forty years ago. Absolute brilliance. (Pause). What? (Pause). You’re damned right it’s going on Mixology in two weeks!
I love this tune. And not just because the lead singer is obviously lit like a Christmas tree, while chugging straight out of multiple bottles, in said video.
Speaking of getting in the tailgating mood …
* “So what exciting new additions can we expect on The Bus this fall?” – Gus B, Raytown.
A whole new listening experience. The Bus is going wireless! At least with the speakers.
There are two wireless speakers that will be in use, starting on September 11. The primary one is going to hang on the sideview mirror (or just above where we always planted the old, gigantic speakers). I got that one for my ten year gift from “company I work for”. I checked a couple sites; the average price for this sucker was $265. It also had a 4.5 star rating, and I didn’t see a single negative comment on either Best Buy or Amazon’s websites, so that’s saying something. What, I may not know … but it says something.
And there’s this – when it arrived, I could not believe how small it was. Initially I was thinking of creating a removable mount; instead it’ll be clamped onto that mirror while it’s in use. (And there’s still PLENTY of room for noosed donkey! Yay! (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!)
We tested out the sound a couple weeks ago. I could clearly hear from almost 100 feet away, and with a competing radio to boot. I’m very confident this little bundle of joy will easily amplify to the 50 some odd square feet between the buses.
The second one is much smaller, and it has to be plugged into my iPhone to work (it’s not necessarily wireless). But this second one also is a cell phone charger, so the single biggest problem with the old setup – namely, any tailgate for an 3:25 or prime time start drained my cell phone by halftime down to zero – will never be a problem again. (homer simpson voice) It’s win-win!
(And we have three of those eight dates this year. Three times we’re staring a six plus hour tailgate in the face … and I couldn’t be happier! (Pause). Although I guarantee you, if I’m right about my thoughts regarding the season about to unfold, at least ESPN is going to be furious, they don’t get the first game at Arrowhead in … I’ll save that, for the predictions post.)
The second speaker comes courtesy of our good friends at Coors Light. Yes kids, I drank so much Coors Light this summer, that I not only got a free travel bag and speaker set … I still have a $50 credit at StubHub to spend on the roadie to Indy! (Or Houston, but I think Ryan and Tyler’s crew is handling our seats for that trip.)
Between the two speaker sets, we’ll actually have something approaching surround sound! And even better? For the Jets game (3:25pm kickoff), we can plug the second speaker into my laptop if need be, and have the early games via the Sunday Ticket, like we did for the oakland finale earlier this year! (gary busey voice) God bless America!
The other major change I know of … is the utter lack or need for a generator. The primary use of the generator was to generate enough power for the stereo. Now that everything music wise is running off my phone and the Wi-Fi, we don’t have to lug that bulky, costly bastard out there every week! The only weeks we’ll need it are for the cold games, for additional power for all the crock pots. That will be wonderful.
Other than that, I’m clueless. I’ve done my part. I cleared the aisles of anything that my ass could painfully land on. Now everyone else gets to chip in on clean-up Sunday … which is Sunday.
* “Holy crap Batman! Football’s almost here!” – Matt P, Blue Springs.
Damn straight, dude.
* “And so is bowling league!” – Penny O, Blue Springs.
Damn straight, dudette.
Also, I have a “Forward, Together” button for you, on Opening Night. A kid never forgets the important stuff.
(That, and that is one of THE coolest buttons, I've ever seen. This Rob Duncan dude is a f*cking creative genius!)
I just hope we don’t kill each other, before this indefensible “major” election, reaches its climax. We get criminal or we get crazy. (Pause). God spare this great Republic.
* “So seriously, not even a little hint, a little preview, of your thoughts on the season to come?” – Chris N, Quality Hill.
Under the caveat of “nothing is official until I run the schedules and post the predictions” … I am willing to wager five predictions involving the Red and Gold.
1. The Chiefs will stage a “Perfect Stevo Game” in their opener.
2. The “Stevo Drinking Game” Over/Under for the Jets game is 9.5.
3. The only loss at home will occur on a rainy, miserable day in the month we celebrate Thanksgiving ... and a loss the following week on the road, will inspire near panic amongst Arrowhead Nation.
4. The eventual AFC West Champions? Will be decided via a prime time game at Arrowhead in December.
5. The Chiefs will win at least two of three, against the Super Bowl teams from last year.
At least two of those predictions, will come true. You all can figure out which one other than Numero Dos, is guaranteed to happen.
* “What the hell is the “Stevo Drinking Game””? – Miranda P, Independence.
It is a wager against a pre-set over/under number, on the number of alcoholic beverages I will have already consumed when “The Voice of Reason” shows up.
For the purposes of this fun exercise, an “alcoholic beverage” is defined as either a beer (at least 12 oz), a mixed drink (at least coffee cup size), a credible sized Jello shot (note: if I make them? They’re credible sized), or a solid straight chug out of a bottle, shot glass, or army-issued tin cup.
Also, it is drinks consumed anywhere prior to Mr. Reason’s arrival, not just drinks consumed once the tailgate begins. So yes, that Irish Coffee on the ride in counts.
The jury is still out on a beer used in beer pong – I say yes, count it; most people have said no, it’s not full enough. For now, it does not count.
You get absolutely no prize for guessing correctly, other than the hilarity of watching what alcohol does to me. And sadly, it doesn’t really do anything; I drink too much to get sufficiently blitzed anymore.
I look forward to your participation in this fun filled exercise this fall.
Also – practice up. If Tyler can’t make it as my cornhole partner? Then you have to. Because that preseason opener was unacceptable. Unacceptable!
It’s you and me … or me and someone else. Because if you can’t get even one hole shot, we’re done as cornhole partners. I hate losing at one of the only two tailgate games I should excel in.
(The other being beer pong … and I own that bastardo.)
And with that, it’s time to start dragging this kicking and screaming to the finish line … let’s see who is left in the inbox queue …
* "No, the real question for tailgating / Chiefs season is, how many times is "she" going to be there?" -- every person reading this, every place you reside.
However many she wants to. Save for denver. I don't feel like we're at a point, that exposing her to me at a donkeys game, is good for any parties involved.
* “Son? If you f*ck this up? I will disown you!” – Mona H, Raytown.
Actually, I cheated. That wasn’t a “fake email”; that was said to my face, last Sunday.
* “(Mona’s) always right!” – Russ H, Raytown.
Another cheat. Also said to my face, last Sunday.
* “If you land her, you’re kicking 80 yard punt-esque out kicking your coverage.” – Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
(stevo at a chiefs game voice) Cheater! That was an actual text message, sent from “The Voice of Reason” to me, when I asked his thoughts and/or opinions, of the girl I am totally, totally crushing … who is amongst those lucky enough in this life, to have met her.
And speaking of her …
* “You are the sweetest person I have ever met. I wish I’d known (how I feel about her) sooner! I amaze you? You amaze me! Nobody has ever said (what I sent) to me! (My daughter) absolutely loves you. And so does her mom!” – (Pause). Yeah, it's time. (Pause). "The Chica", North KC.
Yeah, it's time.
Thank God above, those two words finally are applied, after being bastardized and beyond inappropriately applied, on the “Hillary Clinton of Kansas City” for far too damned long, to someone actually worthy, of having them?
Applied to her.
God bless, I at least really, really like, The True Chica?
In the words of Ted Nugent:
Also – yup, these are my peop … (Pause). What? (Pause). Are you sh*tting me? Seriously? Non-credible emails from barely recognizable readers are showing up in an inbox that doesn't exist, and some editor dudette that is a figment of my (brett voice) "vivid imagination", is demanding I publish them?
Fine, let it through.
* “Seriously? Daughtry? Seriously man, “American Idol” died eight years ago. Pick someone else for the theme! I didn’t bake it up with you for two years, to have Daughtry be my reason why!” – Chris R, occupancy unknown.
Well, I happen to like Daughtry. He’s my second fav … (Pause). What? (Pause). Really? I mean, you have to be – what are the odds? What are the f*cking odds?!?!?!
Fine, send it through – this ought to be intriguing.
* “Seriously? Daughtry? For f*ck’s sake tito, you are a disgrace to 30 year old you! I should know – I am 30 year old you! Daughtry couldn’t sh*t in a stall next to Blake f*cking Lewis, he'd be so scared to drop a deuce -- and you f*cking know it!” – 30 Year Old Stevo, South KC.
Wow, I so channel 30 year old me perfectly, from the Spring of 2007, that I frighten 39 year old me to my core. You gotta love 30 year old me perfectly re-enacted, right down to dropping a f bomb gratuitously in every inappropriate moment, while getting baked off my ass on the single and second greatest decks any person will ever call home, on a regular basis.
(You doubt me? The lower part? Hot tub with built in fireplace AND decent sized television. The upper part? Recliner, couch, hammock, coffee table, and television with cable feed. Both parts were screened in and roofed. No, not roofied – roofed. The only drawback? I’m struggling to find one. Dammit, I miss that deck … “mrs. voice of reason” voice: me too dude! Me too!)
(To say nothing of how great the third greatest deck ever was, at “stubbs”, for the last half of Blaker’s run.)
(Wait, where was I? Who am I? Why am I here?!?!?!?!)
Oh, yeah. The "Fake" Mailbag.
There’s only one way to close this down.
Mr. Seacrest? For one final time, please dim the lights, please silence the audience, please cue Rickey Minor and the band … and please, cue the Nick Bakay Voice.
It’s time for … The Tale O’ The Tape!!!! Today’s (coach don fambrough voice) showdown / throwdown / hoedown / chuck whiskey bottles at mizzou fan’s heads contest … is who is actually my favorite “American Idol” ever.
In one corner, we have the Season Five Fourth Place Finisher, a man from North Carolina who has enjoyed incredible success in his post-Idol journey, please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the greatness that is Chris Daughtry!!!!!
And in this corner, we have the Season Six Runner Up, a man from Bothell, Washington, a man who thirty year old me proudly supported as a “Blaker Boy”, a man who my irrational support for led one former roommate to note “why’d we let him move in?”, and led a second former roommate to note “because he can keep the lights on!” as the justification for that move to “stubbs”, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very questioned genius that is Blake Lewis!!!!!!!
As always, The Tale O’ The Tape consists of Seven Questions of Great Significance. Three contestants, guaranteed to be tied at two after six of them, with only one winner.
(jimmy lennon jr. voice) It’s … SHOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWTIMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
* Question Uno: The Top Female Finisher From Their Season’s Career Arc.
Daughtry: Katherine McPhee went on to star on the short-lived (and missed) “Smash”, and currently stars as a co-lead on a second show of hers I somehow like, “Scorpion”.
Lewis: Jordin Sparks has gone on to record multiple chart-ranking hits, including “Battlefield” (Jesus, this song is amazing), “Tattoo” (with Mr. Lewis starring in the video), and “Playing With Fire”, with Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ Favorite Artist of 2016, Thomas Rhett.
(Plus, I had to include this -- I thought her cover of Barbra Streisand's "Woman In Love" on Top Four "Bee Gees" Night was awesome. And if that ain't yo' cup o' tea? "Broken Wing". Jesus. Unbelievable. She covers Streisand and Martina perfectly ... when she was sixteen. Sixteen! Are you f*cking kidding me?!?!?! She covered that, at sixteen! Christ, I could barely put a shirt on, at sixteen! I can barely do that now, pushing forty, for God's sake!)
Winner: Push. Amazingly – and these are five words thirty year old me would have NEVER said – amazingly? We are ALL winners here!
* Question Dos: Has recorded a decent version of the theme from “Growing Pains” with Dane Cook.
Winner: Daughtry. Sorry – Dane Cook may be the biggest deuche this side of Ryan Lochte … but it’s “Growing Pains”, arguably a top five greatest theme song ever participant.
* Question Tres: Was Stevo’s favorite contestant on the season he appeared on “Idol” for ... at the time.
Winner: Lewis. For the record, my puppy / pony / rooster / rubber chicken in Season Five was Elliott Yamin. #yaminian4eva #ihatehashtags #not
* Question Cuatro: Was voted out to far inferior competition.
Winner: Lewis. Sorry, but Taylor Hicks is either the worst winner of “Idol” ever … or you think Lee DeWyze is. (For the record, I vote DeWyze. No finalist ever got screwed more than my favorite female ever on this show, Crystal Bowersox.) He also finished behind #mcpheever and #yaminiannation. Blake lost to Jordin effing Sparks, and nobody else. This question isn’t even a competition.
* Question Cinco: Which final female contestant from their season inspired me to not only throw things at the television, but I once swore I’d never even type her name, I hated her so much?
Daughtry: Katherine McPhee.
Winner: Daughtry. Christ, I hated Katherine McPhee. Then came this … and the tide turned.
* Question Sies: I have paid my (barely) hard earned money, to see them perform live.
Winner: push. I am the winner here. As is anyone who has ever seen either artist perform in person – they’re both amazing.
And so, with Daughtry 2, Lewis 2, Push 2 … the …
* Question of Greatest Signifcance: delivered my favorite “Idol” performance ever.
Lewis: f*ck yes.
Winner: Blake Lewis!!!!!! It’s been ten years, and I still think he not only (simon cowell voice) took an incredible risk, I still think it’s the most inventive, ingenius, absolute jaw-dropping awesome interpretation of a song every person has heard, that I’ve ever heard.
In Daughtry’s defense, his cover of Shinedown’s “I Dare You” was beyond cool, beyond amazing. It might approach that rarified air known as “Shawsome”, it was so good.
("I Dare You" is in my top twenty seven favorite songs of all time listing ... and I like Daughtry's cover better, than the actual version. His passion on the chorus is just f*cking perfect.
And I've seen Shinedown live twice, for the record.)
But it wasn’t this:
Almost ten years later, and I still stand and applaud for two straight minutes, while fist pumping. Albeit without two newbie roommates questioning their sanity at letting me in the front door on a daily basis.
Hope you enjoyed this. God knows I loved creating it.
And as always?
(sgt. esterhaus voice) Hey! Let’s be careful out there.
Especially to one friend, who that quote not only more than applies to?
Yeah, I’ll pull the filter off.
Be careful out there, Jasson. Because (here it comes – promised 8 pages ago! I’m about to deliver on a promise! Oh goodie goodie, you know what that might, possibly, in an alternative universe, mean for me, right!!!!!!!)
Because I’m getting god fucking damned sick and tired, of having to text four words – “be safe today dude”, to our friend. I’m getting god fucking damned sick and tired, of texting those four words to him, after the latest indefensible wrong, done to our nation’s finest.
Be safe today dude.
Because on this site? And in my life?