And we start.
Eva Longoria opens. Oh for f*ck's sake, the 1860 Election was more important than this one, chica.
I love how the party that supports the devastation Black Lives Matter is wrecking on Portland, is bragging about being the party of justice. I mean, really?
"We the people". Oh come on. If you aren't a minority, this party doesn't give a rip about you. And I say this as someone voting for Biden / Harris in all likelihood.
Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance with "under God" in it. I'm stunned.
Seriously, who is buying this patriotic opening? I want to buy this, and not even I'm choking it down.
So I guess we're going virtual on everything tonight? No live speeches?
Also, I'm just updating this as I go. If anyone has any comments to post, or suggestions, or whatever, you can add to the comments below, and maybe by tomorrow, I'll figure out how to truly live blog.
Sweet Jesus, we have a prayer! Are you kidding me?!?!?! This is the DEMOCRAT convention, right?
I plan to go for about an hour tonight. I'd like to watch First Lady Obama's speech without blogging, so I can react later.
"In the matchless name of Jesus, Amen." Seven words no sane person would EVER bet being said at a Democrat Convention.
If Team Trump can't top this presentation next week, he deserves the ass kicking the polls suggest he's about to (pretty much) deservedly receive in 78 days.
Scott Richardson from Pennsylvania checking in on the status of his life and economic situation. I'm guessing he will somehow blame Trump for his condition. Because yeah, POTUS is responsible for a global pandemic he had no control over.
Now a 15 year old literary activist from New Jersey. Marley Dais. Sweet merciful Lord Jesus. She can't even vote! Why is she wasting our time tonight? We only have a two hour window here.
Next up, Rick, a farmer from Pennsylvania. Wearing a suit Tony Manero would be proud of. I am STUNNED that he admitted the truth: NOBODY could have prevented what has happened with C19. Quick - somebody tell that pathological liar Yael Abhoulkah the truth!
And Michelle from Texas, my adopted home state! Wearing a Cookie Monster nurses top! Oh hell yeah! Me like cookies! Mmm mmm mmm!!!!!
I gotta admit: Eva Longoria is a better host than any of the Big Three networks anchors. Especially Lester Holt.
Now a promo video of Biden. Going to grab a beer. Back in (chuck woolery voice) two and two.
Rep. Gwen Moore (D-WI) up first. Milwaukee's congresswoman. Michael Strahan must have gave her that freeway-wide gap between her two front teeth.
"Sista!" Kamala Harris. Ugh.
At least that was barely a minute. There may be something to this virtual convention speech!
Social justice video set to Springsteen's "The Rising". Oh joy. Only my party can (stewie griffin voice) roo-een songs I love.
And spare me the "you're being way too harsh on the Democrats" response. If you think I'm hate-watching the DNC, just wait until we get to "Bye Don"'s convention next week.
Now this video I can get behind - a dude who voted for Trump explaining why he needs to go this time around.
Back to Eva.
Tonight is about the pandemic, the economy, and racial injustice. Good Lord. Do you people have no idea how much most of America wants no part of BLM?
Mayor of the District up next. Jesus.
Black Lives Matter Plaza. You really think that matters? Look it, I'm all for equality, period ... but FFS, nobody with an IQ above a corpse believes BLM is about black lives. It's all about socialism, and taking from those who earn, to give to those who don't. Good luck making that a winning issue.
A moment of silence for those senselessly killed by people in positions of authority. I'll join in with that.
My God, I thought that was R Kelly performing! It's some dude named Leon Bridges. Whew! We dodged a big one there.
Dude is really good. I'd say he deserves a recording contract, but nobody with a voice this good doesn't have one.
Wait - I thought our previous President solved our health care issues? Or is that yet another lie of Obama nobody is allowed to talk about, Ms. Longoria? And for crying out loud, is there EVER a crisis in which minorities and women don't suffer more than white men? I'm pushing 44 years old, and I've never seen a crisis in which the media doesn't claim minorities and women suffer more than anyone.
Biden now speaking with people about our racial injustice issues in a pre-edited video. I'm running out of patience with this, to be honest. This nation is NOT racist. It has some people in it that are ... but as a whole, we are not, and haven't been in pushing fifty years.
"The President is talking about defunding the Post Office" -- Joe Biden. Lie! The President can't defund something that isn't funded by the federal budget! Christ, how I wish people understood how the Post Office runs.
The fist pump out of Joey. Awesome!
Rep. Clyburn started early. Whoops.
Although to be fair, he's probably more responsible than anyone for Mr. Biden being in this spot this week ... so starting his speech early is alright in my book.
"We know Joe, but more importantly, Joe knows us" -- Rep. Clyburn. Perfectly stated.
Gov. Cuomo up next. I can't wait to hear the lies this serial killer is about to spew.
"We went through hell, but we learned much". Yeah -- you're a f*cking idiot that killed over 20,000 of your citizens.
Who is listening to this liar and buying this? Again, over a third of C19 statistics belong to this idiot!
"Our way worked, and it was beautiful!" - Gov. Cuomo. Are you sh*tting me?
"Government matters, and leadership matters!" - Gov. Cuomo. Are you f*cking sh*tting me?
Your father would be embarrassed of you sir.
A chick blaming her dad's death on Trump up next. She does NOT sound happy.
Oh Jesus, Megan Rapinoe. There are few people in life I despise more. Nobody has b*tched about being given more in life than her.
"We knew what a pandemic looked like back in 2009 with the swine flu". - random dude in this pre-packaged video call with Ms. Rapinoe. Wait - pandemics existed under Barack Hussein Obama? I thought nothing awful ever happened under that guy! I thought he was the most pure, honest, moral man to ever sleep in the White House! The hypocrisy is just disgusting. And sadly, nobody in the media has a shred of character or integrity left to note it.
The administration doesn't fund the Post Office! Neither does the Congress! Sadly, so many people are uneducated they're gonna buy this bullsh*t.
We're going to the networks, and getting a musical performance. Seems like a good time to pull the plug. I'll post my thoughts on Mrs. Obama's speech (and any others that motivate me one way or the other) tomorrow, before night two of this exercise in stupidity and (possible) fireable offenses begins.
Until then ...
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