"You know, when you get old in life,
Things get taken from you. That's part of life.
But you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
"You find out that life is a game of inches.
So is football. Because in either game,
Life or football, the margin for error is so small.
"I mean, one half step too late or too early,
You don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast,
And you don't quite catch it.
"The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in every break of the game,
Every minute, every second.
"On this team, we fight for that inch!
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us,
To pieces for that inch! We claw with our finger nails for that inch!
"Cause we know, when we add up all those inches,
That's going to make the f*cking difference between winning and losing.
Between living and dying.
"I'll tell you this -- in any fight,
It is the guy who is willing to die,
Who is going to win that inch.
"And I know, if I am going to have any life anymore,
It is because I am still willing to fight and die for that inch!
Because that's what living is! The six inches in front of your face!
"Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes.
Now I think you are gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you.
"You are going to see a guy, who will sacrifice himself for this team.
Because he knows when it comes down to it,
You're gonna do the same thing for him.
"That's a team, gentlemen.
And either we heal now, as a team,
Or we will die as individuals.
"That's football, guys.
That's all there is.
Now what are you gonna do?"
-- "Inches" speech by Al Pacino in "Any Given Sunday".
------------------------------
In sports, as with a lot of things in life, every so often you reach a moment that defines an era, so to speak.
In life, these moments aren't always easy to see. Like in a relationship, for example. At what moment do you go from being "friends" to something more? Is the defining moment the first time she says yes to staying the night? The first time you do something other than sleep when she stays over? Or is it the first time you meet in person and realize there's an attraction there? Is it the first time you meet her parents? The first time you introduce her to your friends?
Confusing stuff to an easily confusable guy like me.
But in sports, I argue, these moments aren't all that confusing. And they're usually obvious to anyone who pays attention.
I bring this up because I believe tomorrow, Kansas Jayhawks football, and the man responsible for how far its come so far, face their defining moment.
The achievements Coach Mangino has done in Lawrence are inspiring. When he arrived in 2002, Hawk Football was a regional joke. (I'd say it was a national joke as well, but KU was so awful that nobody outside of the Midwest paid any attention to it.) Consider the ugly facts. KU hadn't posted a winning season since 1995. Had only been to two bowls in the prior 20 years, both appearances in the lower-tiered Aloha Bowl. The Hawks had had exactly one player drafted in the first round in the previous 20 years (Dana Stubblefield, who went 26th to the 49ers in 1993). And the recruiting was abysmal, as there was little to no talent on the roster. And to add the "whiz on a man while he's down" element to the cesspool of crap that was the Terry Allen Jayhawks, the one stud recruit in the last decade who actually wanted to play at Kansas, was told that he wasn't wanted. That stud recruit? Darren Sproles. Who only helped lead Kansas State to two North titles and a Big XII championship. (Yeah, he wouldn't have helped at all.)
The facilities were a joke. There was no athletic complex. The practice field, if you could call it that, was a disgrace. Memorial Stadium itself was without question the worst stadium in the Big XII. The restrooms routinely lacked functioning plumbing. The turf was stretched thread-bare. There were no suites, no screens capable of playing television replay, and you feared for your life standing on the benches -- at least one every week would crack and break, which inevitably led to that row carrying the bench out of the stadium to its new home in a frat house somewhere. This was Hawk Football when Coach Mangino arrived. An embarrassment, to say the least.
2002 was every bit the disaster you'd expect. Winless in conference play, 2-10 overall. But 2003, you started to get a glimpse into what could be. KU upset a ranked Missouri team in late September, setting the table for a 6-6 season that landed us in the Tangerine Bowl against NC State. It was the Hawks first win over a ranked opponent since 1997. 2004 saw a step back in the record, but saw KU take a ranked Texas Tech team to the wire, saw KU nearly beat Texas, finally beat Kansas State for the first time in 12 years, and upset MU in Columbia to cost the Tigers a bowl bid. The Hawks were getting closer to being relevant.
2005 saw more baby steps -- a close loss to OU at Arrowhead, wins over Nebraska and Missouri, a bowl victory over Houston in the Fort Worth bowl. 2006 saw the Hawks beat a ranked non-conference opponent in South Florida. 2007 of course was the best year in Hawk Football history so far, a 12-1 record, an Orange Bowl win over Virginia Tech, road wins at A&M (when they were still decent) and Oklahoma State, the "Don't Stop Believin'" moment to close out the home schedule after blasting Iowa State ... but KU lost the biggest game it played. And by "lost", I mean "wasn't even remotely competitive for 50 plus minutes". 2008 saw KU again hang tough with the good teams, again beat both hated rivals, and win a third bowl in four years.
There's no denying that Coach Mangino has built a solid foundation. KU Football is now established as a legitimate middle of the pack team. And there's nothing wrong with that. If you'd told me 5 years ago that KU would arrive at a Michigan State / Oregon State / Arkansas / NC State / Pitt level of competence, I'd have been thrilled. 7 wins and the Insight Bowl most years, with the occasional 9 wins and a Holiday / Cotton bowl berth, and if everything breaks right with the schedule (like in 2007), a 10-11 win BCS bowl berth? I'd take that in a heartbeat. So would any other KU fan.
But that just brings us to Saturday. To the defining moment of the Coach Mangino era.
To the one thing KU has yet to do.
Beat the big boy(s) on the block.
Yes, I know KU has won a BCS bowl in the last five years. But Virginia Tech, as good as they are, is not a national championship threat. And hasn't been since Michael Vick was under center. Yes, I know KU has won 3 bowls in four years, hasn't posted a losing season since 2004, has won 20 of 23 at home, and has beaten both of its hated rivals four of the last five times they've faced them.
Yes, the facilities are improved, there's a legitimate practice field, an athletic complex, the Ward Scholarship Suites on the west side of the stadium, and the Gridiron Club suites going up on the east. Brand new field turf, new uniforms, a kick ass video board, electronic signage in the north end zone, and KU has sold out virtually every home game going back to early 2007. I get all that.
But KU is still 0 for the Big Two in the Big XII.
As Ric Flair used to say, "to be the man ... WOOOOOO ... you gotta beat the man!"
Glen Mason accomplished a lot of good in his tenure as Jayhawks coach. A 10 win season, multiple bowls, a plus .500 record. And his defining moment arrived late in 1995, as the #10 ranked 8-1 Jayhawks hosted the #1 ranked and defending national champion Nebraska Cornhuskers. A win would validate KU's rise through the rankings. It would put a serious dent in Nebraska's drive to repeat as national champions. It would, in a word, "legitimize" Jayhawk Football.
Nebraska 41, Kansas 3. Within a year of getting routed in his defining moment game, Glen Mason left KU for a second time (he tried to flee to Georgia after the 1995 season, but decided to return instead ... only to then leave for Minnesota), the Hawks hired Terry Allen, and a decade of god-awful football was born.
Saturday, I believe, is THE defining moment of Coach Mangino's career. This is it. He is a solid head coach, a phenomenal offensive mind. His recruiting skills are rock solid. He hires smart, competent assistants and then lets them do their job. I cannot heap enough praise on Coach for all he has accomplished so far.
Saturday, however, we find out what the future holds for Jayhawk Football. Because if KU cannot win this game, in this spot, with all these circumstances and injuries and various other factors, if KU cannot win THIS game at THIS point in time, they NEVER will. Not under this coach, anyways.
Whether it be in life, or in sports, moments like this simply do not come along very much. Whatever happens Saturday, Kansas Football will permanently change. An OU win will simply confirm what many already believe. That KU is a nice story, and a competitive team, but they're not to be feared. An OU win Saturday reinforces the idea that KU is a junior partner in this league, that the North division is the ugly stepchild, that no matter how hard Coach Mangino or AD Perkins or the fans and the players try, KU simply will never attain the ultimate success in this sport.
With a win Saturday, however, every preconceived notion of Jayhawks Football gets tossed in the recycle bin. Because with a win Saturday, Jayhawk Football arrives as a legitimate national power, as a legitimate threat to win the Big XII. With a win Saturday, KU announces to the nation that we can beat anyone. Not just the teams we're supposed to beat, not just the teams on an even par with us. We can beat ANYONE.
Last Saturday was a tough, heartbreaking defeat. But it wasn't a defining moment. It wasn't a game that could change the perception of the program, it wasn't a game that people will look back on in five years and say "that's where it all started", or "that's where it all fell apart".
This week, this game, however, is.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Go KU!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
the fake mailbag 5.0
* "You feelin' ok?" -- numerous folks last week.
Yes, I am now. That was the worst bout of flu I've had in at least four years. I thought Monday I was just recovering from the Cowboys defeat. By Tuesday, I knew better. I didn't leave the bedroom from Wednesday night until Saturday afternoon.
But thankfully, much better now. (Whew).
* "Seriously, not drinking at bowling night? No wonder you opened with a 61!" -- Dusty J, Overland Park.
In my defense, you saw me, and you know my throwing motion. It literally hurt to walk down the steps, let alone to compose myself, take three steps, and twist that bad boy at a 6 degree angle at 17 miles per hour.
* "Ignore him, Dusty forgets his unfortunate night of margaritas from last season." -- Kellie B, Kansas City.
In his defense, if I'd had three pitchers before bowling, and a couple after I arrived, I'd forget every damned detail about the night as well. But he was right about one thing -- I can't bowl if I ain't drinkin'. We'll rectify that on Wednesday.
* "I know you're down on the show, but come on man, you HAVE to love the intro to 'The Cleveland Show'!" -- Brent S, Roeland Park.
Oh hell yes I do! Remember that whole rant I had last year about how the reason sitcoms have died is because they no longer have memorable theme songs? (I swear, its in there, near the 2/3 mark).
Well, someone at FOX listened to me. Because this theme song is just awesome. It takes the best of our childhood (psychadelic colors from the producers being strung out on God knows what, cheezy music, ridiculous rhymes), and just nails it. Absolutely nails it.
(And last week's episode was pretty damned good as well. I'm telling you, that bear grows on you ...)
* "No quarter year review? What the hell?" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
One of the drawbacks to being sick. You don't feel like doing anything. However, I will simply say this: Todd Haley is in farther over his head at this point, than Gunther was. And unlike with Gun, I don't hold out hope for a turnaround.
Gun opened with a tough road loss, then won 9 out of 13 to put the Chiefs in position to win the division. Included in that 9 was a sweep of the two time defending world champion (thanks to circumventing the salary cap) denver broncos; a win in the Bay against our other hated rival; a win in Baltimore, a last second win over New England, a last second win over a Minnesota team that went 26-6 in 1998-1999; and a pole-axing of the Steelers. My way of saying ...
If Todd Haley wins three more games this year, I'll be shocked. And if Coach Haley ever wants me on his side, he damned well better have December 6th circled, highlighted, and marked with a "win or resign" memo on the calendar. I can forgive a rebuilding year. I can't forgive incompetence. Or losing to denver. Say what you want about Gun ... he NEVER lost to denver as a head coach.
* "Is it possible to have a ALCS game last less than five hours?" -- Phil S, Overland Park.
No. Which is why baseball is bleeding viewers faster than Obama is losing support for health care reform. Myself being one of them; if I wanted to watch a double switch every five minutes and managers second and triple guess themselves, I'd be a Cardinals fan and wear a "LaRussa is God" t-shirt.
* "We're almost a month and a half in. What's your TV viewing schedule look like?" -- Frank L, Dallas.
Actually, I gotta say, this year's crop of new shows has been pleasantly surprising. And my two favorite shows won't return to network TV until January! (And add to that, I'm really loving the promos for "V".) Good grief, what am I gonna trim from the TiVo rotation?
The five best new or "completely revamped" shows this fall:
5. "Melrose Place". Not gonna lie, I've been disappointed with it so far. But the last few weeks, you can tell they're just treading water until Amanda comes back, which I'm fine with. And there's enough decent new characters to keep me hooked for another month. But man, there's a few that need to go. Not a fan of Riley, at all. Not really a fan of Jonah either, but at least he might eventually be shockingly corruptable. (That, and I really liked Michael Rady in "Swingtown", so I'll give him a shot to grow on me). And please, more Michael Mancini! So far, a B-. With a shot to elevate rapidly if they play Emma off Amanda well.
4. "The Good Wife". I loved the pilot. And this show's been growing on me ever since. I just don't see how this show can last more than a year or two before you run out of places to take it. What happens once Chris Noth's DA gone bad character gets out of jail? He can't get his job back even if he wins the appeal. And you can't have Julianna Margolies' character go back to home life, that destroys the show. Still, I'll give it a while and see where it goes, its been solid so far.
3. "Modern Family". Best new comedy to hit the airwaves in a long, long time. Glad to see Ed O'Neill back in peak form. Dylan's song last week, "In the Moonlight", will have you crying from laughing so hard. Sadly, the Hulu link expires in two days, but just watch the whole episode instead when the clip expires -- its worth it for Shelley Long's "incident" at her ex's O'Neill's wedding.
2. "FlashForward". My favorite new show to hit the air since a little piece of heaven I like to call "Friday Night Lights". Well written, outstanding plotlines so far, and while I fear the premise can't last unless they establish a "Lost" type certified ending date ... I friggin love the premise and can't wait to see how it plays out. (Also gotta love Jack Davenport as the catalyst to everything so far, another "Swingtown" alumnus. Screw you CBS for cancelling that fine hour of television excellence).
But one show has stood out above all others ...
1. "90210". Holy crap, talk about a show that's done a 180 from last year. I don't know who they hauled in to write this thing, but thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Everything has clicked so far this year, even the annoying Teddy. Silver and Dixon hitting the rocks, and Dixon rebounding with a 30 year old who still can't resist the booty call even after she figures out he's 17 when his mom tells her. Nice. I needed a hookup or three like that back in the day.
Navid finally gets some, only Ade leaves him for Teddy because ... well, not really sure why, because Teddy annoys me. Love how Naomi still thinks Liam slept with Annie ... only he actually bagged her sister, who's stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars from her via this shady divorce. Love how dark Annie's gotten, can't wait to see how shady stalker Jasper drags her even deeper into the dark. And the sext, nice, good stuff. And anything with Silver, good God. That girl is so damned hot. I literally start drooling when she graces my TV screen with her presence. (Wait, did I just say that out loud?)
And how anyone within 5 years of my actual age can't get to about 7:10 CT every Tuesday, and hear the familiar "da da da da!" as a modern version of the "90210" theme song plays, and not smile, and remember the "hell yes, I'm Jim effing Walsh" smile, well, I don't know how you can't do that.
* "So you backed Hillary, and voted McCain. You admit that you despise Obama. Your thoughts on him at the nearly 10 month mark?" -- Damien J, Midtown.
Well, let's see. He claimed Afghanistan was the necessary war, but he won't fight it. (Although in his defense, I think he realizes he was wrong about Afghanistan, that its completely unwinnable, and he's trying to find a way out without looking like a liar). He rammed through the stimulus bill (which I supported), but hasn't spent 88% of the money yet, so forget job creation in 2009. He's bombing out on the civil rights issue of our generation (equality for gays), and he claims everyone who opposes him is racially motivated (which is utterly absurd).
He demands health care reform (good), but refuses to endorse the sole solution that can actually drive down costs (the public option). He for some reason refuses to condemn evil in the world (Iran, Syria, the PLO, Venezuela), unless its named ("barry gibb talk show" voice) J J J J Jimmy Carter! P P P P Peanut Farmer!
He makes an ass of himself in Copenhagen and tries to steal the Olympics in 2016, yet won't make an ass of himself and try to steal a World Cup in 2018 (so far at least). He'll drink beer with a cop who thinks before he acts, yet condemns a news network that employs the ultimate "spit out what you think regardless of the facts" journalist in Sean Hannity. (Wait, I got no complaints here).
Bottom line? He's an average, middle of the road President who hasn't screwed up something awful yet, but also hasn't left his mark. Smells like a C to me. I'm fine with a C. Nothing wrong with being average.
* "You're coming for a BuKCs game, right?" -- Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Yup, I'll be there January 30 for Miami. Reserve our spots at the Friday Night fish fry at either Rock Bottom or Lakefront anytime you want.
* "We're exactly one week from NBA Tipoff 2009! You gotta be pumped!" -- Drew K, Shawnee.
Buddy, as one of the three NBA addicts in this town (along with you and Brent), I am beyond pumped. I love all these "experts" picking the BuKCs to finish dead last in the East. Last time I checked, Charlotte still played in the East. Ditto Indiana. And Milwaukee actually gains players this year, in that we didn't have Redd after December 10th, we didn't have Bogut after mid January, and we gained Brandon Jennings. Yeah, losing Sessions (retarded decision not to match the Wolves offer for him) and trading Jefferson (smart move to get below the tax threshold) hurts, but again, its the Eastern Conference! Someone is getting in at 37-45 or worse. At least one team. Possibly four.
(NBA preview coming early next week).
* "No KU recap last week? What the hell?" -- Brian G, Quahog.
Yeah, I effed up on that. To be honest, I was going to do it Tuesday, only that's when my health went from bad to defcon 3. And at this point, I don't remember a lot about the ISU game, so we'll let it slide. Everyone is entitled to one do-over in life, right? I'll take my 1,015,269th on this one.
* "The 30 at 30 series, you like it?" -- Josh G, Los Angeles.
Yes. Its totally screwed up my Tuesdays at this point. And I couldn't be happier.
I watch "90210" live and I TiVo "NCIS" on the main TV. So I have to TiVo "30 at 30" in the bedroom. I recorded the first one figuring I'd fall asleep to it. Instead, I haven't shut my eyes before midnight on a Tuesday in a few weeks. This series is beyond riveting television.
The Colts band episode was epic. The USFL episode tonight looks amazing. But the Gretzky trade, that was as good an hour of television as I've watched since HBO's special on the 1980 US Hockey team, which is the gold medal winner of sports documentaries. I couldn't stop watching. I forget if it was Peter Berg (the director) or the Sports Guy (the producer) who noted this on their podcast, but its amazing that the rigging behind the scenes to get this deal to go down, to open up the Sun Belt and the Southwest to hockey, and to see it happen ... is the single biggest reason why the NHL is no longer relevant in the national landscape of sports. (Because outside of Dallas, Raleigh, and possibly San Jose, nobody in the Sun Belt or the Southwest gives a damn about hockey. Yet 40% of the franchises are located there, as a direct result of this trade).
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Gretzky puts LA on the map for hockey. A decade later, there's 12 teams south of the Mason Dixon line. Not even half of them are viable as franchises today. (Reason 1,009,928,105 why Gary Bettman is the worst commissioner in the history of organized sports).
* "What's the single biggest thing in sports that hacks you off?" -- Scott H, Liberty.
What, I'm limited to just one? I hate Bird Exemption in the NBA. I hate the fact that there's 12 teams in the Southern US, and only 6 in all of Canada, in hockey. I hate $9.75 vodka tonics at Arrowhead. I hate the idiot fans who buy into this "small market" garbage in baseball. (If you can't compete on a $75 million payroll, you have no business running a team. None.)
But my biggest hack off? Folks who knock the BCS. No, its not a perfect system. Hell, its probably not even a good one. But how can you not love what it delivers every week?
You want a playoff in college football? You've got one! Every week! Its the purest of all sports ideals: if you win, you advance. You survive. Every week is its own playoff. Sure, the "best" teams in the "best conferences" have a slight margin for error. Sometimes.
I love March Madness as much as anyone. But I love Fall Madness even more. Every damned game matters. Can't say that about college hoops. Or any other sport for that matter.
* "I liked the podcast! Way to post it 10 months late!" -- Chris N, Olathe.
Yeah, I liked it too. I'd like it better as a "free flowing conversation between friends that occasionally touches on mature subjects", but these things are harder than they look. For one thing, you can't f*ck up. You do, you start over, unless its a group deal and then you just go with the flow. I initially tried to do this to comment on the Cowboys game, only my irrational hatred of a certain Chiefs head coach kept shining through. So I figured I'd start with the picks and see where this goes.
OK, one final question, "90210" awaits in 22 minutes ...
* "What's your favorite website you're digging right now?" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
Well, the usual suspects (Hulu, Facebook, "reputable singles site", my various fantasy football teams), but I came across one at work that I am absolutely addicted to.
Labelscar. As someone who spent every night this spring and summer walking past the destruction of Bannister Mall as I attempted to get in shape via the nightly walk / jog, this site just fascinated me.
Seriously, just spend 5 minutes searching this site, and tell me its not as addictive as Ashley's breakfast burritos, Dusty's chicken fajitas (the most underrated thing he cooks), or my vodka tonics poolside in mid July. There's even a case study on why every mall in Kansas City is bombing out, save for two.
And with that, the fake 'bag 5.0 is out. It wasn't funny, it wasn't provocative, but hopefully you'll check out some links and have a nice way to waste your next workday when you check this place out.
Yes, I am now. That was the worst bout of flu I've had in at least four years. I thought Monday I was just recovering from the Cowboys defeat. By Tuesday, I knew better. I didn't leave the bedroom from Wednesday night until Saturday afternoon.
But thankfully, much better now. (Whew).
* "Seriously, not drinking at bowling night? No wonder you opened with a 61!" -- Dusty J, Overland Park.
In my defense, you saw me, and you know my throwing motion. It literally hurt to walk down the steps, let alone to compose myself, take three steps, and twist that bad boy at a 6 degree angle at 17 miles per hour.
* "Ignore him, Dusty forgets his unfortunate night of margaritas from last season." -- Kellie B, Kansas City.
In his defense, if I'd had three pitchers before bowling, and a couple after I arrived, I'd forget every damned detail about the night as well. But he was right about one thing -- I can't bowl if I ain't drinkin'. We'll rectify that on Wednesday.
* "I know you're down on the show, but come on man, you HAVE to love the intro to 'The Cleveland Show'!" -- Brent S, Roeland Park.
Oh hell yes I do! Remember that whole rant I had last year about how the reason sitcoms have died is because they no longer have memorable theme songs? (I swear, its in there, near the 2/3 mark).
Well, someone at FOX listened to me. Because this theme song is just awesome. It takes the best of our childhood (psychadelic colors from the producers being strung out on God knows what, cheezy music, ridiculous rhymes), and just nails it. Absolutely nails it.
(And last week's episode was pretty damned good as well. I'm telling you, that bear grows on you ...)
* "No quarter year review? What the hell?" -- Gregg G, Bonner Springs.
One of the drawbacks to being sick. You don't feel like doing anything. However, I will simply say this: Todd Haley is in farther over his head at this point, than Gunther was. And unlike with Gun, I don't hold out hope for a turnaround.
Gun opened with a tough road loss, then won 9 out of 13 to put the Chiefs in position to win the division. Included in that 9 was a sweep of the two time defending world champion (thanks to circumventing the salary cap) denver broncos; a win in the Bay against our other hated rival; a win in Baltimore, a last second win over New England, a last second win over a Minnesota team that went 26-6 in 1998-1999; and a pole-axing of the Steelers. My way of saying ...
If Todd Haley wins three more games this year, I'll be shocked. And if Coach Haley ever wants me on his side, he damned well better have December 6th circled, highlighted, and marked with a "win or resign" memo on the calendar. I can forgive a rebuilding year. I can't forgive incompetence. Or losing to denver. Say what you want about Gun ... he NEVER lost to denver as a head coach.
* "Is it possible to have a ALCS game last less than five hours?" -- Phil S, Overland Park.
No. Which is why baseball is bleeding viewers faster than Obama is losing support for health care reform. Myself being one of them; if I wanted to watch a double switch every five minutes and managers second and triple guess themselves, I'd be a Cardinals fan and wear a "LaRussa is God" t-shirt.
* "We're almost a month and a half in. What's your TV viewing schedule look like?" -- Frank L, Dallas.
Actually, I gotta say, this year's crop of new shows has been pleasantly surprising. And my two favorite shows won't return to network TV until January! (And add to that, I'm really loving the promos for "V".) Good grief, what am I gonna trim from the TiVo rotation?
The five best new or "completely revamped" shows this fall:
5. "Melrose Place". Not gonna lie, I've been disappointed with it so far. But the last few weeks, you can tell they're just treading water until Amanda comes back, which I'm fine with. And there's enough decent new characters to keep me hooked for another month. But man, there's a few that need to go. Not a fan of Riley, at all. Not really a fan of Jonah either, but at least he might eventually be shockingly corruptable. (That, and I really liked Michael Rady in "Swingtown", so I'll give him a shot to grow on me). And please, more Michael Mancini! So far, a B-. With a shot to elevate rapidly if they play Emma off Amanda well.
4. "The Good Wife". I loved the pilot. And this show's been growing on me ever since. I just don't see how this show can last more than a year or two before you run out of places to take it. What happens once Chris Noth's DA gone bad character gets out of jail? He can't get his job back even if he wins the appeal. And you can't have Julianna Margolies' character go back to home life, that destroys the show. Still, I'll give it a while and see where it goes, its been solid so far.
3. "Modern Family". Best new comedy to hit the airwaves in a long, long time. Glad to see Ed O'Neill back in peak form. Dylan's song last week, "In the Moonlight", will have you crying from laughing so hard. Sadly, the Hulu link expires in two days, but just watch the whole episode instead when the clip expires -- its worth it for Shelley Long's "incident" at her ex's O'Neill's wedding.
2. "FlashForward". My favorite new show to hit the air since a little piece of heaven I like to call "Friday Night Lights". Well written, outstanding plotlines so far, and while I fear the premise can't last unless they establish a "Lost" type certified ending date ... I friggin love the premise and can't wait to see how it plays out. (Also gotta love Jack Davenport as the catalyst to everything so far, another "Swingtown" alumnus. Screw you CBS for cancelling that fine hour of television excellence).
But one show has stood out above all others ...
1. "90210". Holy crap, talk about a show that's done a 180 from last year. I don't know who they hauled in to write this thing, but thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Everything has clicked so far this year, even the annoying Teddy. Silver and Dixon hitting the rocks, and Dixon rebounding with a 30 year old who still can't resist the booty call even after she figures out he's 17 when his mom tells her. Nice. I needed a hookup or three like that back in the day.
Navid finally gets some, only Ade leaves him for Teddy because ... well, not really sure why, because Teddy annoys me. Love how Naomi still thinks Liam slept with Annie ... only he actually bagged her sister, who's stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars from her via this shady divorce. Love how dark Annie's gotten, can't wait to see how shady stalker Jasper drags her even deeper into the dark. And the sext, nice, good stuff. And anything with Silver, good God. That girl is so damned hot. I literally start drooling when she graces my TV screen with her presence. (Wait, did I just say that out loud?)
And how anyone within 5 years of my actual age can't get to about 7:10 CT every Tuesday, and hear the familiar "da da da da!" as a modern version of the "90210" theme song plays, and not smile, and remember the "hell yes, I'm Jim effing Walsh" smile, well, I don't know how you can't do that.
* "So you backed Hillary, and voted McCain. You admit that you despise Obama. Your thoughts on him at the nearly 10 month mark?" -- Damien J, Midtown.
Well, let's see. He claimed Afghanistan was the necessary war, but he won't fight it. (Although in his defense, I think he realizes he was wrong about Afghanistan, that its completely unwinnable, and he's trying to find a way out without looking like a liar). He rammed through the stimulus bill (which I supported), but hasn't spent 88% of the money yet, so forget job creation in 2009. He's bombing out on the civil rights issue of our generation (equality for gays), and he claims everyone who opposes him is racially motivated (which is utterly absurd).
He demands health care reform (good), but refuses to endorse the sole solution that can actually drive down costs (the public option). He for some reason refuses to condemn evil in the world (Iran, Syria, the PLO, Venezuela), unless its named ("barry gibb talk show" voice) J J J J Jimmy Carter! P P P P Peanut Farmer!
He makes an ass of himself in Copenhagen and tries to steal the Olympics in 2016, yet won't make an ass of himself and try to steal a World Cup in 2018 (so far at least). He'll drink beer with a cop who thinks before he acts, yet condemns a news network that employs the ultimate "spit out what you think regardless of the facts" journalist in Sean Hannity. (Wait, I got no complaints here).
Bottom line? He's an average, middle of the road President who hasn't screwed up something awful yet, but also hasn't left his mark. Smells like a C to me. I'm fine with a C. Nothing wrong with being average.
* "You're coming for a BuKCs game, right?" -- Brooke B, Milwaukee.
Yup, I'll be there January 30 for Miami. Reserve our spots at the Friday Night fish fry at either Rock Bottom or Lakefront anytime you want.
* "We're exactly one week from NBA Tipoff 2009! You gotta be pumped!" -- Drew K, Shawnee.
Buddy, as one of the three NBA addicts in this town (along with you and Brent), I am beyond pumped. I love all these "experts" picking the BuKCs to finish dead last in the East. Last time I checked, Charlotte still played in the East. Ditto Indiana. And Milwaukee actually gains players this year, in that we didn't have Redd after December 10th, we didn't have Bogut after mid January, and we gained Brandon Jennings. Yeah, losing Sessions (retarded decision not to match the Wolves offer for him) and trading Jefferson (smart move to get below the tax threshold) hurts, but again, its the Eastern Conference! Someone is getting in at 37-45 or worse. At least one team. Possibly four.
(NBA preview coming early next week).
* "No KU recap last week? What the hell?" -- Brian G, Quahog.
Yeah, I effed up on that. To be honest, I was going to do it Tuesday, only that's when my health went from bad to defcon 3. And at this point, I don't remember a lot about the ISU game, so we'll let it slide. Everyone is entitled to one do-over in life, right? I'll take my 1,015,269th on this one.
* "The 30 at 30 series, you like it?" -- Josh G, Los Angeles.
Yes. Its totally screwed up my Tuesdays at this point. And I couldn't be happier.
I watch "90210" live and I TiVo "NCIS" on the main TV. So I have to TiVo "30 at 30" in the bedroom. I recorded the first one figuring I'd fall asleep to it. Instead, I haven't shut my eyes before midnight on a Tuesday in a few weeks. This series is beyond riveting television.
The Colts band episode was epic. The USFL episode tonight looks amazing. But the Gretzky trade, that was as good an hour of television as I've watched since HBO's special on the 1980 US Hockey team, which is the gold medal winner of sports documentaries. I couldn't stop watching. I forget if it was Peter Berg (the director) or the Sports Guy (the producer) who noted this on their podcast, but its amazing that the rigging behind the scenes to get this deal to go down, to open up the Sun Belt and the Southwest to hockey, and to see it happen ... is the single biggest reason why the NHL is no longer relevant in the national landscape of sports. (Because outside of Dallas, Raleigh, and possibly San Jose, nobody in the Sun Belt or the Southwest gives a damn about hockey. Yet 40% of the franchises are located there, as a direct result of this trade).
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Gretzky puts LA on the map for hockey. A decade later, there's 12 teams south of the Mason Dixon line. Not even half of them are viable as franchises today. (Reason 1,009,928,105 why Gary Bettman is the worst commissioner in the history of organized sports).
* "What's the single biggest thing in sports that hacks you off?" -- Scott H, Liberty.
What, I'm limited to just one? I hate Bird Exemption in the NBA. I hate the fact that there's 12 teams in the Southern US, and only 6 in all of Canada, in hockey. I hate $9.75 vodka tonics at Arrowhead. I hate the idiot fans who buy into this "small market" garbage in baseball. (If you can't compete on a $75 million payroll, you have no business running a team. None.)
But my biggest hack off? Folks who knock the BCS. No, its not a perfect system. Hell, its probably not even a good one. But how can you not love what it delivers every week?
You want a playoff in college football? You've got one! Every week! Its the purest of all sports ideals: if you win, you advance. You survive. Every week is its own playoff. Sure, the "best" teams in the "best conferences" have a slight margin for error. Sometimes.
I love March Madness as much as anyone. But I love Fall Madness even more. Every damned game matters. Can't say that about college hoops. Or any other sport for that matter.
* "I liked the podcast! Way to post it 10 months late!" -- Chris N, Olathe.
Yeah, I liked it too. I'd like it better as a "free flowing conversation between friends that occasionally touches on mature subjects", but these things are harder than they look. For one thing, you can't f*ck up. You do, you start over, unless its a group deal and then you just go with the flow. I initially tried to do this to comment on the Cowboys game, only my irrational hatred of a certain Chiefs head coach kept shining through. So I figured I'd start with the picks and see where this goes.
OK, one final question, "90210" awaits in 22 minutes ...
* "What's your favorite website you're digging right now?" -- Brett H, Harrisonville.
Well, the usual suspects (Hulu, Facebook, "reputable singles site", my various fantasy football teams), but I came across one at work that I am absolutely addicted to.
Labelscar. As someone who spent every night this spring and summer walking past the destruction of Bannister Mall as I attempted to get in shape via the nightly walk / jog, this site just fascinated me.
Seriously, just spend 5 minutes searching this site, and tell me its not as addictive as Ashley's breakfast burritos, Dusty's chicken fajitas (the most underrated thing he cooks), or my vodka tonics poolside in mid July. There's even a case study on why every mall in Kansas City is bombing out, save for two.
And with that, the fake 'bag 5.0 is out. It wasn't funny, it wasn't provocative, but hopefully you'll check out some links and have a nice way to waste your next workday when you check this place out.
Friday, October 16, 2009
the week 6 picks ... via the first podcast ...
Let's give this a try ...
And while I'm waiting for this to upload, a few college picks:
* MU 38, at Oklahoma State 34. The game that derailed my national title pick from last year ... derails my Big XII title pick from this year. MU somehow finds a way to win this one on the road. I'll probably be asleep before kickoff if day six of my flu virus goes as well as the first five have ... but I love MU in this spot.
* KU 45, at Colorado 20. I do not expect this to be competitive in any way, shape, or form.
* OU 20, Texas 10, in Dallas. Upset? I say no. OU's healthy, finally, and they're the better team. That, and I want OU / KU in primetime on ABC with GameDay in Lawrence. Is once a century having Chris, Kirk, and Lee in Baby Jay's head gear show up in Lawrence too much to ask?
(And as a veteran of multiple State Fairs ... the food is even better than they praise it to be on television. You can't beat the turkey legs. And yes, they deep fry butter inside a tortilla. Its God's gift to gluttony. That, or the deep fried Twinkie. Good God I miss Texas ...)
* at Notre Dame 41, USC 30. Again, I don't consider this an upset. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Notre Dame can win this game twice a decade.
Wow, the GameDay intro shows the Hawks leaving the locker room. I just got chills. Hawk Football: We've Finally Arrived!!!
Seriously, I cannot even imagine Lawrence next Saturday if GameDay shows up. How effing awesome would Chris, Kirk, Desmond and Corso be on the Campanille? With 20,000 Hawk fans behind them? (And a couple thousand OU fans). Again, I'm getting chills. Then again, I've been having chills all week from this flu bug so maybe that's what I'm feeling ...
And since the "podcast" effed up ... my final pick was Redskins (-6 1/2) 23, Chiefs 13.
And while I'm waiting for this to upload, a few college picks:
* MU 38, at Oklahoma State 34. The game that derailed my national title pick from last year ... derails my Big XII title pick from this year. MU somehow finds a way to win this one on the road. I'll probably be asleep before kickoff if day six of my flu virus goes as well as the first five have ... but I love MU in this spot.
* KU 45, at Colorado 20. I do not expect this to be competitive in any way, shape, or form.
* OU 20, Texas 10, in Dallas. Upset? I say no. OU's healthy, finally, and they're the better team. That, and I want OU / KU in primetime on ABC with GameDay in Lawrence. Is once a century having Chris, Kirk, and Lee in Baby Jay's head gear show up in Lawrence too much to ask?
(And as a veteran of multiple State Fairs ... the food is even better than they praise it to be on television. You can't beat the turkey legs. And yes, they deep fry butter inside a tortilla. Its God's gift to gluttony. That, or the deep fried Twinkie. Good God I miss Texas ...)
* at Notre Dame 41, USC 30. Again, I don't consider this an upset. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Notre Dame can win this game twice a decade.
Wow, the GameDay intro shows the Hawks leaving the locker room. I just got chills. Hawk Football: We've Finally Arrived!!!
Seriously, I cannot even imagine Lawrence next Saturday if GameDay shows up. How effing awesome would Chris, Kirk, Desmond and Corso be on the Campanille? With 20,000 Hawk fans behind them? (And a couple thousand OU fans). Again, I'm getting chills. Then again, I've been having chills all week from this flu bug so maybe that's what I'm feeling ...
And since the "podcast" effed up ... my final pick was Redskins (-6 1/2) 23, Chiefs 13.
Monday, October 12, 2009
chiefs cowboys! a kick to the nuts with no cherry on top ...
KU reflect / post coming later.
This one ...
This game is possibly the toughest defeat I've suffered since Philly in 2005. I didn't make it into work for two days after that one, I just locked myself in my room (ok not "locked" but "closed the door") with a bottle of vodka, some Sprite, and dealt with the loss Steve style.
Or maybe the toughest since Baltimore in 2006, when I spent the postgame cursing, screaming, pacing the back grassy lot in G that I know and love, and when a fellow tailgater stopped me and simply said "hey man. You look like you need some weed ..."
Toking up didn't help deal with that defeat. Getting hammered didn't really help deal with the Philly defeat in 2005 either.
And it probably won't help deal with this loss.
But I'll be damned if I'm not gonna try.
Because games like yesterday ... are why I love sports so much. The thrill of victory. And the gut wrenching agony of defeat. Thank God for both. Because after the last few seasons, I was beginning to doubt I'd ever feel the latter again ...
* Left at 7ish for the game. As usual, I was the last to arrive. As usual, I was late. As was unusual, if you had "0" in the Steve drinking game, you'd have pushed. I can't explain it, but I didn't have my usual screwdriver or three on the drive there. Maybe that's what screwed us, effing with tradition like that.
* Rock solid tailgating crew. Plenty of good friends and folks up from Dallas. More in from Omaha and other parts of Nebraska. The usuals. Good times.
* Smart decision of the day numero uno: Tyler decided to save spots to ensure we had plenty of room to tailgate. To ensure this, he "relocated" a few parking barriers to block off the entire back section of the grassy lot. Brilliance at work.
* I am a helluva lot better at cornhole than I am at washers. Then again, the fact that I wasn't facing Dusty might have contributed to my 2-0 record.
* the brisket was rock solid good. Ditto the baked beans. The jello shots though ... I think I did a subpar effort on those. Way to vodka-y for 9 in the morning.
* the extra security yesterday was, in a word, ridiculous. I get that we're on whatever the hell color designates higher alert. I get that we were playing the Cowboys. Having said that, if you're going to demand "extra" patdowns, at least pat down areas where folks would hide things! Am I wrong about this? I have smuggled a flask into that stadium now every game for the last five seasons. I put it in the same place every game. It is a fairly obvious place to put something (aka "the back wallet pocket"). ANYONE doing a MINIMAL amount of security would feel it, locate it, and confiscate it. Nice job, Chiefs security. Nice job. I swear, you could smuggle a dirty bomb into that stadium with zero issues, but by God if you park in the back of Lot G before 10am, we're towing your ass. Good to see the Chiefs have effed up priorities.
* Speaking of effed up priorities, and since I'm going negative here for a moment, I might as well unload. What in the f*cking hell did we replace the TD Pack Band with? This Rumble thing, whatever the hell it is, is crap. Its absolute crap. If I wanted to watch a bunch of 20 something year olds beat crappy rhythms on a drum, I'd go see Kings of Leon tomorrow.
I have no problems with starting new traditions. As long as they don't suck ass. Rumble sucks serious ass. Bring back Tony DiParto, bring back Patti DiParto-Livergood, bring back the band that gave us THE highlight from last season. Because Chris Johnson plays a better bongo than these Rumble tools play a drum.
Seriously, Rumble works for soccer. Foreign futbol. Not American football. Take the damned drums to the storage facility, and give us Tony DiParto on a trumpet instead.
* ok, game ball time. And the Steve game ball goes to ... Coach Asshat. I cannot believe I am about to type the next phrase ... but yesterday's offensive playcalling is EXACTLY what I expected when Coach Haley took over. There was a healthy run / pass mix. We actually tried to get first downs on 3rd down by (gasp) throwing it to the yard to make marker.
Let's get into this. If I ripped Coach Asshat last week for his chicken sh*t play calling, I have to give credit where its due. This week's key play selection, courtesy nfl.com's play by play:
First drive: flea flicker! On 2nd and 6, LJ takes the handoff, flicks it back to Cassel, who airs it out for Mark Bradley. The pass was incomplete. But -- but! -- this is why the forward pass can be beneficial. Because if the defensive back, in this case Terence Newman, holds you, its a first down. Good play call. I didn't even mind the 3rd and 11 screen pass that followed this up. I have no issues with settling for the punt when you're inside your 20. Again, I can't stress this enough, yesterday was EXACTLY what I hoped for when Coach Asshat took over play-calling duties.
Second drive: not one of Haley's better efforts. In fact, this was the only time all game I booed the play calling. And man did I boo it. Chiefs recover a muffed punt at the Dallas 23. Chiefs go pitch LJ for minus 6, draw LJ for one, and short incompete to Ryan. Horrendous play calling sequence. Succup nailed the field goal to go up 3-0 though.
Third drive: after a Romo fumble sets us up at the Cowboys 16, this was just brilliance. First, the screen to LJ to get us in goal to go. Then the obvious run on 2nd and 2 ... with Vrabel tackle eligible. Tricking Dallas into a, uuh, false sense of security. Because on 3rd and goal at the 1, touchdown Mike Vrabel. It was like 15 years ago on that play, Montana to Joe Valerio. It was absolutely beautiful. Yes, I had tears in the eyes after that one. GREAT sequence of plays.
Fourth drive: we wound up punting, but on 2nd and 9 at our own 33, Haley aired it out, Cassel going deep to D Bowe for 20. Even on 3rd and 17 later on, Haley had an air-it-out play called, which resulted in Cassel scrambling for 10.
Fifth drive: Basically bleeding out the clock to end the half, Haley took two decent shots. He had Cassel drop back on 3rd and 2 (which he scrambled for the first down on), and on 3rd and 6 (which he completed the pass, but short of the first down to Bradley). We're at halftime, and my biggest bitch is that we settled for the field goal on drive number two. I'm good with it.
Sixth drive: Not much you can do on 3rd and 20.
Seventh drive: Arguably Haley's best non-absolute-pressure drive of the season. Chiefs never faced longer than 4 yards after first down. We ground out yards, ate up clock, and wound up with a field goal after a highly questionable (at least to me) no call pass interference on 3rd and 3 at the Dallas 20. No complaints. Excellent drive.
Eight drive: Cassel's pass on 3rd and 5 was deep enough to convert. Good defense on the play by DeMarcus Ware. Tough drive in that we lost Branden Albert ... but then again, he's been like a matador at left tackle this year, so was it really a loss.
Ninth drive: Oh my goodness, what could have been. The Chiefs convert a 3rd and 26. They nearly convert a 3rd and 22. Sadly, Ryan Succup's attempt is blocked. We're tied at 13 at this point with 3:09 to play. And as the kids would say, NOW it gets interesting.
Dallas starts at their 36, 3:09 to go. Forty seconds later, one of the sweetest skinny post routes you will ever see puts Dallas up 20-13. Absolutely AWESOME play call by Jason Garrett, he caught us playing man cover one, and the safety went with Witten. Just a brilliant, brilliant play call. You gotta give credit where its due. Which leads us to arguably the best Chiefs drive since LJ scampered 19 yards to seal last year's win over denver.
Let's take this drive play by play, because (a) its my blog, I can do what I want, and (b) it was even better in person than it is in the recap.
Chiefs start at their own 26, 2:09 to go.
And note to "buddy" and "awesome chick" who left at this point ... what the f*ck were you thinking? You don't leave a 7 point game with 2:09 to go to ... what? Beat traffic? Drink cheaper booze? Hook up? (ok, ok, that one is a perfectly acceptable reason to leave early). But other than "we're so horny that we had to go and, uuh, respond to nature's call", there is not one damned reason to leave that game early. I expect better of you two. Unless "respond to nature's call" is the reason. In that case, have fun!
(And respond to the call later next time).
1st and 10, KC 26: incomplete to D Bowe. Not one of Cassel's better throws. Still, it was refreshing to see us actually try to gain something really positive entering the two minute warning, as opposed to the usual "draw play up the middle" in this spot.
2nd and 10, KC 26: a beautiful RB screen to Charles, that he breaks a tackle on and gains 17. We've got 1st and 10 at the 43 at the two minute warning. For some odd reason, I was completely calm at this point. I honestly believed we'd get the job done.
1st and 10, KC 43: Cassel sacked. And yet, it was the aftermath of this play that had me fired up. There was NO panic on the Chiefs part. None. Cassel simply regrouped and got the guys ready for the next play. I'm telling you, not just Haley, but even our QB won me over yesterday.
2nd and 14, KC 39: Cassel incomplete. Solid D by Newman on the play. But for the first time this season ... ok, maybe the second, since the Vrabel tackle eligible play lulled Dallas earlier in the game ... I LOVED how this play set up the next one. They went right at Newman, with Bowe. Knowing full well that on the next play, the safety help would rotate to Bradley's side, thinking D Bowe can't run three straight routes deep. Think again, Son of Bum.
3rd and 14, KC 39: 26 yard gain to D Bowe. Awesome over the middle, no safety help thanks to second down, play call. Absolutely brilliant. Keep this in mind, the idiocy of Son of Bum consistently rotating the safety help. D Bowe gets thrown to for a third straight time coming up ...
1st and 10, Dal 36: Cassel to D Bowe, gain of 17. Newman was on an island, and it done sunk on this play, as he left the field hurt. I had a couple Cowboys fans from Wichita in front of me, good folks who we actually met up with 4 years ago in a random meet and greet at Texas Stadium, and have maintained a relationship with since. I patted Mike on the back and said "its just like 4 years ago!" His response: "Yeah, but this time I think we can win".
(Four years ago, Dallas up 3 with 16 seconds left, Trent Green hits a 50 yard bomb to Dante Hall, and Tynes has a 41 yard attempt to tie. Sadly, wide left. But still, every time KC and Dallas hook up, its good stuff).
1st and 10, Dal 19: Cassel incomplete to Bradley. Loved the play call though, we went for it on first down.
2nd and 10, Dal 19: Short gain to Charles. I'm perfectly fine with calling RB screens on 2nd and 10 when they've been working all day.
3rd and 7, Dal 16: The only play call on this drive that irked me. Cassel short to Bobby Wade, incomplete. Although in that spot, I was ok with it. You're in four down territory, if you complete that pass its 4th and 2, much more makeable than what we wound up with.
4th and 7, Dal 16: Payday. I haven't cried over a Chiefs play since LJ's scamper against denver last year to seal the victory. I literally melted down when D Bowe made the catch to pull us within one. I hugged Sheila. I slapped high fives with Katie, with Russ and Mona, and the obligatory "hell f*cking yes!" high fives with Chris and Greg. Mike, the Cowboys fan in front of me, in a truly classy gesture, simply turned around, high fived me, and said "this one should end in overtime". Yes. Yes it should.
Overtime, sadly, was ugly. But like I said congratulating Mike, Zack, and whoever the hell else was behind me in Cowboys gear, "we got what we paid for". That game was fun. If you're gonna suck, as the 2009 Chiefs apparently are destined to do, at least give us a reason to show up.
Nobody who saw yesterday's gut-shot defeat can deny that was fun. That was as good as it gets. You had a fading veteran team, desperately needing a win to keep the season on, somehow finding a way ... ok, two deep bombs to Miles Austin ... a way to keep the season on.
But more importantly, you saw a young, unproven bunch of kids hang toe-to-toe for 68 minutes with a Super Bowl contender. I'm not saying this was a moral victory, because I don't believe in those. But yesterday. Five years from now, when the Chiefs are back among the AFC's elite, we'll look at this one, and say "hey, that's the day we knew we could do it".
Sunday, was the Chiefs v denver at Arrowhead in 1989. denver came in here, got a couple late huge bobby humphrey runs, and beat us 16-13 to cripple our season. But it was the game that established an identity for the Marty led Chiefs rookie season. We might not beat you, but by God we'll fight you for every inch. Every down. Every point.
Yesterday, the Chiefs finally manned up. Today, we all have hope. Because there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. If Coach Haley calls games like he did yesterday, we can at least take any team to overtime. And eventually, the defense will stop a team or two, and change "take any team to overtime" to "beat anyone on our best day". I'll take that. After two long, dark years, I'll definitely take that ...
This one ...
This game is possibly the toughest defeat I've suffered since Philly in 2005. I didn't make it into work for two days after that one, I just locked myself in my room (ok not "locked" but "closed the door") with a bottle of vodka, some Sprite, and dealt with the loss Steve style.
Or maybe the toughest since Baltimore in 2006, when I spent the postgame cursing, screaming, pacing the back grassy lot in G that I know and love, and when a fellow tailgater stopped me and simply said "hey man. You look like you need some weed ..."
Toking up didn't help deal with that defeat. Getting hammered didn't really help deal with the Philly defeat in 2005 either.
And it probably won't help deal with this loss.
But I'll be damned if I'm not gonna try.
Because games like yesterday ... are why I love sports so much. The thrill of victory. And the gut wrenching agony of defeat. Thank God for both. Because after the last few seasons, I was beginning to doubt I'd ever feel the latter again ...
* Left at 7ish for the game. As usual, I was the last to arrive. As usual, I was late. As was unusual, if you had "0" in the Steve drinking game, you'd have pushed. I can't explain it, but I didn't have my usual screwdriver or three on the drive there. Maybe that's what screwed us, effing with tradition like that.
* Rock solid tailgating crew. Plenty of good friends and folks up from Dallas. More in from Omaha and other parts of Nebraska. The usuals. Good times.
* Smart decision of the day numero uno: Tyler decided to save spots to ensure we had plenty of room to tailgate. To ensure this, he "relocated" a few parking barriers to block off the entire back section of the grassy lot. Brilliance at work.
* I am a helluva lot better at cornhole than I am at washers. Then again, the fact that I wasn't facing Dusty might have contributed to my 2-0 record.
* the brisket was rock solid good. Ditto the baked beans. The jello shots though ... I think I did a subpar effort on those. Way to vodka-y for 9 in the morning.
* the extra security yesterday was, in a word, ridiculous. I get that we're on whatever the hell color designates higher alert. I get that we were playing the Cowboys. Having said that, if you're going to demand "extra" patdowns, at least pat down areas where folks would hide things! Am I wrong about this? I have smuggled a flask into that stadium now every game for the last five seasons. I put it in the same place every game. It is a fairly obvious place to put something (aka "the back wallet pocket"). ANYONE doing a MINIMAL amount of security would feel it, locate it, and confiscate it. Nice job, Chiefs security. Nice job. I swear, you could smuggle a dirty bomb into that stadium with zero issues, but by God if you park in the back of Lot G before 10am, we're towing your ass. Good to see the Chiefs have effed up priorities.
* Speaking of effed up priorities, and since I'm going negative here for a moment, I might as well unload. What in the f*cking hell did we replace the TD Pack Band with? This Rumble thing, whatever the hell it is, is crap. Its absolute crap. If I wanted to watch a bunch of 20 something year olds beat crappy rhythms on a drum, I'd go see Kings of Leon tomorrow.
I have no problems with starting new traditions. As long as they don't suck ass. Rumble sucks serious ass. Bring back Tony DiParto, bring back Patti DiParto-Livergood, bring back the band that gave us THE highlight from last season. Because Chris Johnson plays a better bongo than these Rumble tools play a drum.
Seriously, Rumble works for soccer. Foreign futbol. Not American football. Take the damned drums to the storage facility, and give us Tony DiParto on a trumpet instead.
* ok, game ball time. And the Steve game ball goes to ... Coach Asshat. I cannot believe I am about to type the next phrase ... but yesterday's offensive playcalling is EXACTLY what I expected when Coach Haley took over. There was a healthy run / pass mix. We actually tried to get first downs on 3rd down by (gasp) throwing it to the yard to make marker.
Let's get into this. If I ripped Coach Asshat last week for his chicken sh*t play calling, I have to give credit where its due. This week's key play selection, courtesy nfl.com's play by play:
First drive: flea flicker! On 2nd and 6, LJ takes the handoff, flicks it back to Cassel, who airs it out for Mark Bradley. The pass was incomplete. But -- but! -- this is why the forward pass can be beneficial. Because if the defensive back, in this case Terence Newman, holds you, its a first down. Good play call. I didn't even mind the 3rd and 11 screen pass that followed this up. I have no issues with settling for the punt when you're inside your 20. Again, I can't stress this enough, yesterday was EXACTLY what I hoped for when Coach Asshat took over play-calling duties.
Second drive: not one of Haley's better efforts. In fact, this was the only time all game I booed the play calling. And man did I boo it. Chiefs recover a muffed punt at the Dallas 23. Chiefs go pitch LJ for minus 6, draw LJ for one, and short incompete to Ryan. Horrendous play calling sequence. Succup nailed the field goal to go up 3-0 though.
Third drive: after a Romo fumble sets us up at the Cowboys 16, this was just brilliance. First, the screen to LJ to get us in goal to go. Then the obvious run on 2nd and 2 ... with Vrabel tackle eligible. Tricking Dallas into a, uuh, false sense of security. Because on 3rd and goal at the 1, touchdown Mike Vrabel. It was like 15 years ago on that play, Montana to Joe Valerio. It was absolutely beautiful. Yes, I had tears in the eyes after that one. GREAT sequence of plays.
Fourth drive: we wound up punting, but on 2nd and 9 at our own 33, Haley aired it out, Cassel going deep to D Bowe for 20. Even on 3rd and 17 later on, Haley had an air-it-out play called, which resulted in Cassel scrambling for 10.
Fifth drive: Basically bleeding out the clock to end the half, Haley took two decent shots. He had Cassel drop back on 3rd and 2 (which he scrambled for the first down on), and on 3rd and 6 (which he completed the pass, but short of the first down to Bradley). We're at halftime, and my biggest bitch is that we settled for the field goal on drive number two. I'm good with it.
Sixth drive: Not much you can do on 3rd and 20.
Seventh drive: Arguably Haley's best non-absolute-pressure drive of the season. Chiefs never faced longer than 4 yards after first down. We ground out yards, ate up clock, and wound up with a field goal after a highly questionable (at least to me) no call pass interference on 3rd and 3 at the Dallas 20. No complaints. Excellent drive.
Eight drive: Cassel's pass on 3rd and 5 was deep enough to convert. Good defense on the play by DeMarcus Ware. Tough drive in that we lost Branden Albert ... but then again, he's been like a matador at left tackle this year, so was it really a loss.
Ninth drive: Oh my goodness, what could have been. The Chiefs convert a 3rd and 26. They nearly convert a 3rd and 22. Sadly, Ryan Succup's attempt is blocked. We're tied at 13 at this point with 3:09 to play. And as the kids would say, NOW it gets interesting.
Dallas starts at their 36, 3:09 to go. Forty seconds later, one of the sweetest skinny post routes you will ever see puts Dallas up 20-13. Absolutely AWESOME play call by Jason Garrett, he caught us playing man cover one, and the safety went with Witten. Just a brilliant, brilliant play call. You gotta give credit where its due. Which leads us to arguably the best Chiefs drive since LJ scampered 19 yards to seal last year's win over denver.
Let's take this drive play by play, because (a) its my blog, I can do what I want, and (b) it was even better in person than it is in the recap.
Chiefs start at their own 26, 2:09 to go.
And note to "buddy" and "awesome chick" who left at this point ... what the f*ck were you thinking? You don't leave a 7 point game with 2:09 to go to ... what? Beat traffic? Drink cheaper booze? Hook up? (ok, ok, that one is a perfectly acceptable reason to leave early). But other than "we're so horny that we had to go and, uuh, respond to nature's call", there is not one damned reason to leave that game early. I expect better of you two. Unless "respond to nature's call" is the reason. In that case, have fun!
(And respond to the call later next time).
1st and 10, KC 26: incomplete to D Bowe. Not one of Cassel's better throws. Still, it was refreshing to see us actually try to gain something really positive entering the two minute warning, as opposed to the usual "draw play up the middle" in this spot.
2nd and 10, KC 26: a beautiful RB screen to Charles, that he breaks a tackle on and gains 17. We've got 1st and 10 at the 43 at the two minute warning. For some odd reason, I was completely calm at this point. I honestly believed we'd get the job done.
1st and 10, KC 43: Cassel sacked. And yet, it was the aftermath of this play that had me fired up. There was NO panic on the Chiefs part. None. Cassel simply regrouped and got the guys ready for the next play. I'm telling you, not just Haley, but even our QB won me over yesterday.
2nd and 14, KC 39: Cassel incomplete. Solid D by Newman on the play. But for the first time this season ... ok, maybe the second, since the Vrabel tackle eligible play lulled Dallas earlier in the game ... I LOVED how this play set up the next one. They went right at Newman, with Bowe. Knowing full well that on the next play, the safety help would rotate to Bradley's side, thinking D Bowe can't run three straight routes deep. Think again, Son of Bum.
3rd and 14, KC 39: 26 yard gain to D Bowe. Awesome over the middle, no safety help thanks to second down, play call. Absolutely brilliant. Keep this in mind, the idiocy of Son of Bum consistently rotating the safety help. D Bowe gets thrown to for a third straight time coming up ...
1st and 10, Dal 36: Cassel to D Bowe, gain of 17. Newman was on an island, and it done sunk on this play, as he left the field hurt. I had a couple Cowboys fans from Wichita in front of me, good folks who we actually met up with 4 years ago in a random meet and greet at Texas Stadium, and have maintained a relationship with since. I patted Mike on the back and said "its just like 4 years ago!" His response: "Yeah, but this time I think we can win".
(Four years ago, Dallas up 3 with 16 seconds left, Trent Green hits a 50 yard bomb to Dante Hall, and Tynes has a 41 yard attempt to tie. Sadly, wide left. But still, every time KC and Dallas hook up, its good stuff).
1st and 10, Dal 19: Cassel incomplete to Bradley. Loved the play call though, we went for it on first down.
2nd and 10, Dal 19: Short gain to Charles. I'm perfectly fine with calling RB screens on 2nd and 10 when they've been working all day.
3rd and 7, Dal 16: The only play call on this drive that irked me. Cassel short to Bobby Wade, incomplete. Although in that spot, I was ok with it. You're in four down territory, if you complete that pass its 4th and 2, much more makeable than what we wound up with.
4th and 7, Dal 16: Payday. I haven't cried over a Chiefs play since LJ's scamper against denver last year to seal the victory. I literally melted down when D Bowe made the catch to pull us within one. I hugged Sheila. I slapped high fives with Katie, with Russ and Mona, and the obligatory "hell f*cking yes!" high fives with Chris and Greg. Mike, the Cowboys fan in front of me, in a truly classy gesture, simply turned around, high fived me, and said "this one should end in overtime". Yes. Yes it should.
Overtime, sadly, was ugly. But like I said congratulating Mike, Zack, and whoever the hell else was behind me in Cowboys gear, "we got what we paid for". That game was fun. If you're gonna suck, as the 2009 Chiefs apparently are destined to do, at least give us a reason to show up.
Nobody who saw yesterday's gut-shot defeat can deny that was fun. That was as good as it gets. You had a fading veteran team, desperately needing a win to keep the season on, somehow finding a way ... ok, two deep bombs to Miles Austin ... a way to keep the season on.
But more importantly, you saw a young, unproven bunch of kids hang toe-to-toe for 68 minutes with a Super Bowl contender. I'm not saying this was a moral victory, because I don't believe in those. But yesterday. Five years from now, when the Chiefs are back among the AFC's elite, we'll look at this one, and say "hey, that's the day we knew we could do it".
Sunday, was the Chiefs v denver at Arrowhead in 1989. denver came in here, got a couple late huge bobby humphrey runs, and beat us 16-13 to cripple our season. But it was the game that established an identity for the Marty led Chiefs rookie season. We might not beat you, but by God we'll fight you for every inch. Every down. Every point.
Yesterday, the Chiefs finally manned up. Today, we all have hope. Because there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. If Coach Haley calls games like he did yesterday, we can at least take any team to overtime. And eventually, the defense will stop a team or two, and change "take any team to overtime" to "beat anyone on our best day". I'll take that. After two long, dark years, I'll definitely take that ...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
the week five predictions
"You used to be the best,
You made life be real to me,
And I hope that you're still out there,
And you're like you used to be;
We had ourselves a time,
Danced til the morning sun,
We let the good times come,
We wouldn't stop until they're done,
And we'll be back in
The high life again!
All the doors that closed one time,
Will open up again!
We'll be back in
The high life again!
All the eyes that watched us once,
Will smile and take us in!
And we'll drink and dance,
And with one hand free,
Have the world so easily!
Won't it be a sight to see?
Back in the high life again ..."
-- originally Steve Winwood, but Warren Zevon's version kicks serious ass, "Back in the High Life Again" ...
--------------------
Last Week ATS: 5-9-0.
Season to Date ATS: 28-34-0.
Last Week SU: 10-4-0.
Season to Date ATS: 37-25-0.
Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome, Kellie.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-2.
This Week's Upset / Week: Why fix what ain't broken. (kellie voice) no! oh sweet Jesus no! not again! You're ... you're begging for a loss at this point! (kellie's folks voice) please, we've seen your picks. No! Don't do this! You'll screw our team! (exactly.) broncos (+3 1/2) over Patriots.
The Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Vikings (-10) 38, at Rams 3.
* Redskins (+4) 17, at Panthers 10.
* at Eagles (-15) 56, Bucs 10.
* at Giants (-15 1/2) 56, raiders 0.
* at Bills 21, Browns (+6) 20.
* at Ravens (-8 1/2) 37, Bengals 3.
* Steelers 24, at Lions (+10) 20.
* at 49ers (-2 1/2) 24, Falcons 21.
* at donkeys (+3 1/2) 24, Patriots 6.
* at Cardinals 24, Texans (+5 1/2) 21.
* at Seahawks (NL) 24, Jaguars 21.
* Colts (-3 1/2) 37, at Titans 14.
* at Dolphins (+1 1/2) 27, Jets 21.
The Chiefs Prediction:
I can't help but flash back four years ago, to the last Chiefs / Cowboys game. What a weekend it was. So much has changed since that awesome, absolutely jaw-dropping incredible weekend in Dallas four years ago. Not much of it for the better.
I truly believed, up until about 9:30am this morning, that the downward spiral would continue, and Dallas would roll in here, and absolutely destroy the Chiefs on Sunday.
And me, Steve, I still feel that way.
But ... you can't fight Gregg's gut feeling.
This is the guy who, the week of the Y2K bowl, when EVERYONE believed the Chiefs would beat oakland to win the division, just kept saying "I have a bad feeling about this game". That bad feeling ... proved to be correct. (And led to one of the ultimate meltdown shopping sprees ever).
This is the guy who, entering the 2003 MNF game in oakland, with EVERYONE, including myself, believing that the raiders would save their season at home, said that "Chiefs win on a goalline stand". Lo and behold, Tim Brown, SHORT of the end zone!
We shared a belief in 2004 that the Chiefs would beat the Ravens in Baltimore at 0-3. Mission accomplished.
He said the same thing in oakland in 2005. Goalline stand to win the game. It happened, when Moss dropped a 4th and goal touchdown pass.
Whenever this team's back has been to the wall, its usually G's advise to heed. Only in 2006 was I right ... for some of the season. I said we'd beat SF and Arizona to put the season effing on. I somehow completely nailed Tynes' FG to beat San Diego, and Page's INT to seal the win versus oakland. (And I can prove this anytime. Or as Damien put it three years ago, "Stop picking close wins! Every f*cking thing you predict comes true!")
But when even I'd given up hope, demanding to drive (ridiculous old school tradition), against Jacksonville to end the season, it was Gregg who originally texted before kickoff "its the nfl don't give up until its over". A text I passed on famously to so many people that it's like a playground legend at this point. Seven hours, a Bengals, Titans, Jaguars, and (somehow) donkeys loss in overtime later, I was dropping "holy f*cking sh*t, we made it! sweet f*cking jesus, we're in!" blasts to my mom on the phone.
My point is this. When Gregg has a feeling ... I don't bet against it. Whatever your gut says ... don't bet against it. Its like "the coin" times ten. Don't doubt it.
As much as I don't think this will happen ... if G thinks we can win this game ... I'll swallow the Kool Aid. (Hopefully laced with vodka).
at Chiefs (+8) 16, Cowboys 14, on a last second Ryan Succup 43 yard field goal. And the sad thing is ... if we win this one, with the Redskins (winnable) and Chargers (winnable) and Jaguars (winnable) and raiders (winnable) up next ... well, you can't bail on this season yet with a win ...
You made life be real to me,
And I hope that you're still out there,
And you're like you used to be;
We had ourselves a time,
Danced til the morning sun,
We let the good times come,
We wouldn't stop until they're done,
And we'll be back in
The high life again!
All the doors that closed one time,
Will open up again!
We'll be back in
The high life again!
All the eyes that watched us once,
Will smile and take us in!
And we'll drink and dance,
And with one hand free,
Have the world so easily!
Won't it be a sight to see?
Back in the high life again ..."
-- originally Steve Winwood, but Warren Zevon's version kicks serious ass, "Back in the High Life Again" ...
--------------------
Last Week ATS: 5-9-0.
Season to Date ATS: 28-34-0.
Last Week SU: 10-4-0.
Season to Date ATS: 37-25-0.
Last Week Upset / Week: you're welcome, Kellie.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-2.
This Week's Upset / Week: Why fix what ain't broken. (kellie voice) no! oh sweet Jesus no! not again! You're ... you're begging for a loss at this point! (kellie's folks voice) please, we've seen your picks. No! Don't do this! You'll screw our team! (exactly.) broncos (+3 1/2) over Patriots.
The Non-Chiefs Predictions:
* Vikings (-10) 38, at Rams 3.
* Redskins (+4) 17, at Panthers 10.
* at Eagles (-15) 56, Bucs 10.
* at Giants (-15 1/2) 56, raiders 0.
* at Bills 21, Browns (+6) 20.
* at Ravens (-8 1/2) 37, Bengals 3.
* Steelers 24, at Lions (+10) 20.
* at 49ers (-2 1/2) 24, Falcons 21.
* at donkeys (+3 1/2) 24, Patriots 6.
* at Cardinals 24, Texans (+5 1/2) 21.
* at Seahawks (NL) 24, Jaguars 21.
* Colts (-3 1/2) 37, at Titans 14.
* at Dolphins (+1 1/2) 27, Jets 21.
The Chiefs Prediction:
I can't help but flash back four years ago, to the last Chiefs / Cowboys game. What a weekend it was. So much has changed since that awesome, absolutely jaw-dropping incredible weekend in Dallas four years ago. Not much of it for the better.
I truly believed, up until about 9:30am this morning, that the downward spiral would continue, and Dallas would roll in here, and absolutely destroy the Chiefs on Sunday.
And me, Steve, I still feel that way.
But ... you can't fight Gregg's gut feeling.
This is the guy who, the week of the Y2K bowl, when EVERYONE believed the Chiefs would beat oakland to win the division, just kept saying "I have a bad feeling about this game". That bad feeling ... proved to be correct. (And led to one of the ultimate meltdown shopping sprees ever).
This is the guy who, entering the 2003 MNF game in oakland, with EVERYONE, including myself, believing that the raiders would save their season at home, said that "Chiefs win on a goalline stand". Lo and behold, Tim Brown, SHORT of the end zone!
We shared a belief in 2004 that the Chiefs would beat the Ravens in Baltimore at 0-3. Mission accomplished.
He said the same thing in oakland in 2005. Goalline stand to win the game. It happened, when Moss dropped a 4th and goal touchdown pass.
Whenever this team's back has been to the wall, its usually G's advise to heed. Only in 2006 was I right ... for some of the season. I said we'd beat SF and Arizona to put the season effing on. I somehow completely nailed Tynes' FG to beat San Diego, and Page's INT to seal the win versus oakland. (And I can prove this anytime. Or as Damien put it three years ago, "Stop picking close wins! Every f*cking thing you predict comes true!")
But when even I'd given up hope, demanding to drive (ridiculous old school tradition), against Jacksonville to end the season, it was Gregg who originally texted before kickoff "its the nfl don't give up until its over". A text I passed on famously to so many people that it's like a playground legend at this point. Seven hours, a Bengals, Titans, Jaguars, and (somehow) donkeys loss in overtime later, I was dropping "holy f*cking sh*t, we made it! sweet f*cking jesus, we're in!" blasts to my mom on the phone.
My point is this. When Gregg has a feeling ... I don't bet against it. Whatever your gut says ... don't bet against it. Its like "the coin" times ten. Don't doubt it.
As much as I don't think this will happen ... if G thinks we can win this game ... I'll swallow the Kool Aid. (Hopefully laced with vodka).
at Chiefs (+8) 16, Cowboys 14, on a last second Ryan Succup 43 yard field goal. And the sad thing is ... if we win this one, with the Redskins (winnable) and Chargers (winnable) and Jaguars (winnable) and raiders (winnable) up next ... well, you can't bail on this season yet with a win ...
Monday, October 5, 2009
chiefs. giants. you can't accuse me of being neutral after this ...
I'm not sure I'm up to this. Those of you who know me, know that I am a Chiefs fan. I believe that I embody the word "fan". I show up win or lose, rain or shine, hot or cold. I not only show up, I'm in line an hour and a half before the gates even open. There are a lot of things in life about me that you can question, but whether or not I am the textbook definition of what a die-hard Chiefs fan is, is not one of those things you can question.
Yesterday ... I walked out at halftime. And didn't think twice about it. Because for the first time in my life, I have no faith in the man calling the shots.
Specifically the man that duels as offensive coordinator and head coach, Todd Haley.
Or Coach Asshat, as I refer to him as.
Rather than the usual recap method of starting at the beginning and reliving the day, I want to begin by examining Coach Asshat's biggest flaw: third down playcalling.
Let's look at each third down the Chiefs faced on Sunday, from the opening fumbled kickoff until the moment the game was officially beyond salvation (the failed two point conversion). Not because I'm a glutton for punishment; far from it. S&M not only doesn't turn me on, it repulses me. No, I want to look back at each third down because I want to establish a pattern of incompetence. Anyone can screw up a playcall. Even the best are going to make multiple mistakes each week. But the best learn and don't keep repeating the same screwups. Todd Haley, at this point, cannot be considered one of the "great ones". Or even one of the "mediocre ones" ...
* Chiefs first possession: on 3rd and 8, Coach Asshat, after calling two ridiculous, pointless, utterly inept "Wildcat" plays with Larry Johnson under center, calls a designed draw to Matt Cassel. On 3rd and 8, at his own 23, already trailing 7-0. A designed QB draw. Cassel fumbles, end result is no gain on the play, Chiefs punt. For the first time in a long, long time, I stood and booed. Repeatedly. I booed my team in the hallowed grounds of Arrowhead. Not even three minutes into the game, and I had had enough.
Sadly, it was not the last time I stood and loudly booed the utter incompetence on the field and on the sideline.
* Chiefs second possession: on 3rd and 5 at the Giants 16, Coach Asshat calls a go route to the end zone to Bobby Engram. No consideration for a simple 6 yard in pattern to Sean Ryan (who catches anything within 2 yards of him), or dueling out patterns at the marker with Wade and Bowe, or even a draw play that might have caught the Giants off guard. (And considering LJ already had 22 yards on 4 carries at this point, a draw play made sense, since he was AVERAGING more yards than what we needed to gain to keep the drive alive).
Did ANY of this factor into Coach Asshat's playcall in that spot? Nope. He aired it out. I truly, and I mean this, I truly am utterly in shock at how retarded Coach Asshat's gameplans are. He won't throw it within 5 yards of the marker on 3rd and 13, but he goes deep on 3rd and 5. I truly, and I mean this, I am absolutely in utter awe of the man. I never dreamed I'd live to see the day when a mentally retarded individual was given the keys to a NFL franchise.
To noone's surprise, the 3rd and 5 go route pass was (fake mile high voice) IN ... COM ... PLETE! (wa wa wa wa ...), and the Chiefs settle for a field goal attempt, which is good.
* Chiefs third possession: On 3rd and 9, Coach Asshat has Cassel throw short to Sean Ryan for a three yard gain. No attempt to gain the first down, no attempt to stretch the field, no attempt to compete. A simple check down route that Matt Cassel never checked through, he simply took 5 steps back and threw. Chiefs punt. More loud boos from the hot-as-hell 32 year old in section 132, row 26, seat 14.
(Yup, that's where I sit, every game this decade and counting. For anyone who thinks I simply criticize without being willing to face heat on my own, there you go. The Chiefs organization is free to confront me anytime they want. I also tailgate in the grassy lot at the back of Lot G, and my email address is available by clicking the profile on this page. I'm more than willing to discuss anytime Coach Asshat and his enablers want what's wrong with their approach).
* Chiefs fourth possession: Trailing 14-3 now, on 3rd and 10 at our own 30, Coach Asshat again refuses to try for the first down. He calls a running back screen to LJ, who is tackled for no gain. Four third downs, and Coach Asshat is now 0 for 4 in competent playcalls.
Again, read the play call. I'm not making it up; this comes straight from the nfl.com play-by-play chart. A running back screen on 3rd and 10? This isn't KU versus Duke here. And we don't have Todd Reesing executing the screen. A running back screen on 3rd and 10 will almost NEVER work in the pros. I'd put the success rate at 2%. 1 in every 50 screens on 3rd and 10 will get you the yardage you need, when the screen is called to a running back NOT KNOWN FOR HIS RECEIVING ABILITY OR HIS ABILITY TO RUN AFTER THE CATCH! I mean Jesus, Todd! If you're gonna call the screen there, why wasn't Jamaal Charles in the game? That's why he's on the roster isn't it, is for his ability to make something happen in open field?
Needless to say, I stood and booed for thirty seconds after this play. I made sure I stood and booed up until the ball was snapped for the punt. And by this point, I was NOT the only one letting Coach Asshat know what we think of his playcalling abilities. There were plenty of folks standing in verbal agreement with me.
* Chiefs fifth possession: On 3rd and 9 at the Chiefs 11, another short pass, this time to Bobby Wade for a gain of six. Five third downs, zero legitimate attempts to convert them. Not even remotely surprising, the Chiefs are trailing 14-3, Arrowhead is booing loudly, deservedly so, and the frustration is really beginning to build.
* Chiefs sixth possession: On 3rd and 8, Cassel throws a wide receiver screen to Mark Bradley. He breaks a tackle and gains 18. This is the ONLY third down the Chiefs will convert until the 4th quarter. And even with this "successful conversion", what had to happen in order for the play to work? Bradley had to take a short pass, thrown well shy of the down to make marker, break a tackle, and turn upfield. Which begs the question, do we have even ONE play in the playbook that gets the receivers past the down marker? Do we? Because I haven't seen any evidence so far that we do.
After that "successful conversion", the Chiefs bomb out on first and second down. So, on 3rd and 13 at the Chiefs 41, Cassel AGAIN throws short to Mark Bradley, who manages to break a tackle and get to midfield, but still four yards shy of the first down. Do I need to once again set the scene? The Chiefs are TRAILING, at home, by 11. They have now faced SIX third downs. They have YET to throw an attempt beyond the yard-to-gain marker.
In fact, even more damning at this point, the only pass ATTEMPT Matt Cassel has thrown more than 10 yards downfield was on a playfake intended for Dwayne Bowe that he horribly overthrew. We're 28 minutes of football in, and the Chiefs have attempted exactly ONE pass that could move the chains on a first down. One. I found it interesting now that two weeks in a row, Coach Asshat has railed at halftime about his running game's inability to get going. Coach? Maybe if you'd give defenses a reason to not have 8 guys in the box, you'd open up some running lanes. And how do you do that? BY THROWING THE DAMNED BALL DOWN THE DAMNED FIELD!
I swear, there were moments yesterday when I actually was doing the math in my head, of how far I'd have to run to physically attack Coach Asshat on the sideline. The man is having very bad effects on me.
To his credit on this possession, Coach Asshat was prepared to go for it on fourth down. If that was his thinking all along, then the 3rd and 13 play maybe makes some sense. (Based on the fact that Cassel was in the huddle for fourth down prior to the two minute warning, and the fact that the Chiefs attempted to run a play after the two minute warning before a false start penalty sent in Dusty C, I do believe that was his thought process: get close on 3rd down and go for it on 4th). However ...
What makes no sense is that we're seven third downs in, and not a single pass ATTEMPT has reached the first down marker! We have yet to even legitimately TRY to pick up the first down! The Chiefs end the half 1 for 7 on 3rd downs, with zero pass attempts that reach the first down marker. Again, it isn't being 1 for 7 that angers me. 6 of the 7 3rd downs were 6 yards or more, and the 7th was a 3rd and 5. 1 for 7 isn't unacceptable given those conditions.
What IS unacceptable, is to not even TRY to convert, to gain the yardage. To not even throw the damned football far enough to get a first down if its caught! And considering 6 of Cassel's 7 3rd down throws in the first half were caught, is it really asking too much for Coach Asshat to call a damned play that reaches the first down marker PRIOR to a receiver making the catch? I say no.
* Chiefs seventh possession: after a moronic onside kick attempt to start the half that I accurately called on the walk out 5 minutes prior to it occurring (because predictable idiots are two things. Predictable. And idiots. Coach Asshat is brilliant at being both), and with the Chiefs now trailing 20-3 as a result, you would think there would be a sense of desperation. Or at least a whiff of common sense. But not for Coach Asshat, who bravely calls a screen pass on 3rd and 18. Send in Dusty C. Cue vociferous boos. I had already left, but hearing the PA guy and the boos from the crowd, I just started laughing. I literally just started laughing uncontrollably. The 69,000 others who hadn't left yet just unloaded on Coach Asshat and his playcalling. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. Keep giving it to him Chiefs fans!!! The man deserves to be booed mercilessly for the "job" he has done so far.
* Chiefs eighth possession: Still trailing 20-3, Coach Asshat FINALLY has Matt Cassel drop back and try to convert a third down. Sadly, he is sacked, so its a moot point. But hey, actually trying to get a first down after 40 minutes and 9 attempts, brilliant! Yay Coach Asshat for being hit up the side of the head with a sledgehammer of common sense!
Again, let this sink in. 40 minutes have passed. The Chiefs trail by 17. And only NOW does Coach Asshat call a play on 3rd down that has a shot in hell of actually achieving the ONLY thing you should seek to do on 3rd down when you're down by 17 (convert the damned first down!). It took 40 minutes for our head coach / offensive coordinator / Special Olympian to attempt to do the obvious.
* Chiefs ninth possession: If, after this possession, you can still defend Coach Asshat and whatever the hell it is he is attempting to do, I give up. Because while everything up until now has been indefensible, this possession takes the cake.
On a 3rd and 11, trailing 27-3, Coach Asshat calls a short slant over the middle to D Bowe. It is incomplete. 3rd and 11. Trailing by 24. In the fourth quarter. And Coach Asshat STILL isn't calling plays that, if executed to a bare minimum (aka make the catch and fall down) will get you a first down!
On 4th and 11, trailing by 24 in the fourth quarter, Coach Asshat FINALLY grows a pair and goes for it on fourth down from the Giants 30. (Note: this is my FAVORITE part of coaching. He WON'T go for it when the game is still in reach on 4th down, but trailing by 24? What the hell. Todd, maybe if you'd go for it on 4th and 9 at midfield when the score is 14-3, you don't face 4th and 11 trailing by 24. Call me crazy).
So 4th and 11, Coach Asshat decides to go for it. Only, the throw is short of the first down marker. Somehow, the Chiefs win a challenge on the spot, and convert the first down. (Well, not somehow: Jerome Boger's crew misspot the ball by 2 whole yards. Good challenge, actually). But again, the playcall meant that the throw was SHORT of the line to gain! On fourth down! What in the hell is Coach Asshat thinking! Please! Explain to me how on a 4th and 11, you would EVER call a play that doesn't guarantee you a first down if you make the catch! On third down, you can "defend", and I use that term loosely, you can at least "defend" a short throw with the "we're going for it on 4th down" defense. What defense is there for not throwing it past the first down marker on 4th down?
Sadly, Coach Asshat's playcalling gets even "better". Trailing 27-3 still after the 4th down challenge conversion, yet exhibition zero sense of urgency, Coach Asshat calls a short over-the-middle attempt on 3rd and 11 at the Giants 19. It is incomplete. Even if it had been complete, trailing by 24 with less than 11 minutes to play, and facing a 3rd and 11, WHAT IN THE HELL GOOD IS A SHORT OVER THE MIDDLE WIDE RECEIVER IN ROUTE? WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO? Explain to me, Todd, what in the hell throwing short on 3rd and 11 accomplishes? Other than infuriating the 2 fans still in the stands at that point.
On 4th and 11, still trailing by 24, Coach Asshat ONCE AGAIN fails to call a play where the pass attempt places the receiver BEYOND the line to gain! Its ... its unbelievable at this point. This man, this imbecile AGAIN, trailing by 24, at home, with less than 11 to play, AGAIN calls a play that requires the receiver to break AT LEAST one tackle and do SOMETHING in the open field in order for a first down to be gain! On 4th and 11! That is IDIOCY!
Somehow, D Bowe breaks a tackle to keep the drive alive. And now, it gets really wacky. The Chiefs have first and goal at the Giants 8, trailing by 24, 10 minutes to go. We HAVE to get a touchdown, preferably in a hurry. Because as bad as its been, in theory, if you score on this drive, and get the two point conversion, you're two scores down at about the 9:50 mark. That's doable. Its not likely, but its doable.
So on first down? Of course! LJ offtackle! Not only is this an INCREDIBLY retarded play call in this spot (down 24, needing a touchdown, with the clock moving), it does the EXACT OPPOSITE of EVERYTHING you need to accomplish! It bleeds the clock, it gains no yards, it infuriates the fan base, and it has zero chance of putting points on the board! Brilliant!
Second down, after another "short of the yard to gain" pass attempt, the Chiefs are bailed out by a defensive holding call. And on first and goal at the one, Coach Asshat bravely eschews the run (because, after all, why pay a running back $6 million plus to actually GAIN a freaking yard when he can be used as a decoy instead), he eschews the run and calls a tight end pass to Sean Ryan, who hauls it in for the touchdown.
After offsetting penalties on the "must convert" two point conversion (again, you convert, you're within two scores; you fail, you still need three scores), the play is finally attempted. And Coach Asshat's brilliant play call? A Matt Cassel run! Yippee! To the surprise of NOONE with a functioning brain (which at this point, I question if Coach Asshat possesses one), the attempt fails. Ballgame.
Everything from this point on, is pointless to dissect. Because once the two point conversion failed, the game was officially over.
But the game was effectively over before the Chiefs even stepped on the field.
We're four weeks in, and I'm finished with Todd Haley. He's dead to me. I will continue to show up, and support, the team that I love. I just will no longer blindly support them. Nor will I encourage anyone to show up and watch. Not even child rapists deserve punishment as horrible as watching a Chiefs game in person.
Having made my point ... here's your recap.
* Arrived at the stadium right around 7am. There were actually people in every line at gate 6 at 7am to watch a horrendously coached team assume the position on the field. Don't tell me this team's fans aren't loyal to the end.
* the tailgating meal this week? Italian. Spaghetti, rigitoni, mostacholli, meatballs, Italian sausage, some Italian dessert deal, and authentic Olive Garden salad and breadsticks. I am still working my way through this incredible sauce that Nancy made, its a combination of marinara, alfredo, and something else. Unbelievably good.
* nice to see the parking nazis are alive and well at Arrowhead. Here's a hint guys: if you want folks to keep showing up, don't treat them like cattle. Let them park where they want to, within their assigned lots, within reason, and then leave them the hell alone unless they cause problems. Not one, but TWO folks nearly had their cars towed for parking in the back of Lot G next to the buses in a parking spot. They had Lot G red reserved passes. They were causing NOONE an issue. But both our group and the group next to us had to re-arrange the chair situations at our tailgates to accommodate another car. Screw you Steve Schneider and your parking nazis. Here's a thought. And since I've sent this to you via email and in person, I'll state it again: allow folks to save spots until 9am in the front of each lot, or in the grassy areas of each lot. After 9am, if the spot isn't filled, direct cars into it, fine. After 9am, direct cars through your stupid ticket tape to your heart's content. But give folks with wide-ranging groups of people arriving time to hook up and get together without interference from other groups that probably don't want to be in the midst of another gang's tailgate anyways. Its how it was done at Arrowhead prior to 2004. Its how most legitimate cities handle tailgating. Hell, even Sandstone allows you to save spots, IN THE FRONT ROW for Christ's sake, for nearly an hour after the gates open for late-arrivals to your group.
Of course, none of this will matter come December, when 25,000 folks show up to watch the worst Chiefs team of my lifetime. But its the principle that counts.
* Despite a large number of regular folks being at NASCAR, still a solid showing yesterday. Our tailgate went twelve deep, and there were 70,000 that showed up for the game. 60,000 of them legitimately. The lower bowl was filled, the upper deck was solidly filled in, even club level had a couple scatterings of folks.
* KC Wolf's sketch was hysterical for once. I laughed out loud more than once.
* What was not hysterical, was the pathetic Breast Cancer poem / tribute / sh*tfest prior to the National Anthem. Whatever the hell that poem was, its the worst written pile of garbage I've ever heard read out loud. It was the second worst sound in that stadium on Sunday. And yes, if I'm ripping Breast Cancer survivors ... and Jazzercise was not the worst sound ... that leaves only one thing ...
* The National Anthem! Just kidding. Ace Frehley rocked the joint. That was awe-inspiring. No, the worst sound in that stadium Sunday was ...
* Rumble! Yes, Chiefs fans, our "Band" is back. Only, its not a band, its a collection of drum-beating folks who are attempting to apparently infuse our Chiefs experience with a shot of soccer fan. When they "took the field", I literally looked at Chris (and vice versa) and we said the same thing to each other. "What the hell is this?" OK, you want them to "lead the team onto the field", I'm fine with that. Stupid, doesn't make much sense, but hey, changing things up can be good. But when they took their "place" for the game in the TD Pack Band's old stomping ground, I literally spit up the margarita I was working my way through. You do NOT desecrate Tony DiParto, Patti DiParto Livergood and the TD Pack Band like that. I'd like to say that was the final straw for me telling this current regime "screw it, until you're gone, I'm out", only ... well ...
* sometimes, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn. Even twice a day, a broken clock is accurate. As bad as Obama's plan for health care is, the public option is a long overdue necessary reform. I'm reaching for analogies here. But when you do something right ... I have to give credit where its due.
Especially if its of the equine persuasion.
Yup, Warpaint! Back! On the turf! At Arrowhead! I know I wasn't the only person in section 132 who immediately hit his feet and started applauding wildly when that beautiful horse trotted out of the tunnel. It was just awesome to see. Let's make this a regular thing guys. Let's make this a regular thing again.
* So ... here's where normally I'd conclude by saying "its not as bad as it seems". Or "hang in there, we're gonna turn this around". Or "you gotta have faith, this season isn't over". Or some variation of that theme.
Well, I can't say that. Sunday, for the first time ever, I turned next to me, when Nancy asked me the "well?" question regarding if we'd win, and I answered "not a shot in hell". I feel the same way about Sunday. We don't have a shot in hell of beating Dallas. The Cowboys are going to roll in here, have 50% of the stadium rooting for them, and drop a 40 spot on us. I have zero doubt Dallas is going to destroy us on Sunday. I believe this due to the Cowboys desperation (already 2 behind NY and NY has the tiebreaker), and our incompetent Coach Asshat and his staff.
But I do hope, despite your feelings, despite my feelings, that you'll honor the ticket you have, and show up with it on Sunday. If only for the tailgating. The long range forecast looks awesome for mid October (low 70s and sunny). My tailgating group has a sh*tload of friends and fellow fans coming up from Dallas for this game. The tailgating WILL rock the joint. We're attempting to purchase the early-in passes for this week, to ensure we lock up every strip of space at the back of Lot G's grassy knoll for the 30 plus people we're projecting. So show up, have some fun. We're having Texas brisket, slow smoked baked beans, some garlicy cheese mashed taters, a true Texas tailgate. In honor of Texas' two finest original teams. The Cowboys. And the Texans. (aka the Chiefs).
So show up one final time this year. (OK, a next to final time. You know you want to see denver roll in here and stomp us, if only to witness my epic meltdown that will occur after that). But don't hawk your ticket(s). Use it, or them. Whatever you think of this team, of this coach, of this franchise, of this season, at least give it one final chance.
Teams have rallied from 0-4 before. OK, that's a lie. A team has rallied from 0-4. And this team won't be the second. But for one brief moment in time on Sunday, suspend reality. Show up, tailgate, have some fun. Move down by me in 132 and join me in booing Coach Asshat and his minions. And then realize, like I did before the half yesterday, "wait a second. Vodka and sprites are $9 in here. They're free at the bus! Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, coming through, coming through ..."
Yesterday ... I walked out at halftime. And didn't think twice about it. Because for the first time in my life, I have no faith in the man calling the shots.
Specifically the man that duels as offensive coordinator and head coach, Todd Haley.
Or Coach Asshat, as I refer to him as.
Rather than the usual recap method of starting at the beginning and reliving the day, I want to begin by examining Coach Asshat's biggest flaw: third down playcalling.
Let's look at each third down the Chiefs faced on Sunday, from the opening fumbled kickoff until the moment the game was officially beyond salvation (the failed two point conversion). Not because I'm a glutton for punishment; far from it. S&M not only doesn't turn me on, it repulses me. No, I want to look back at each third down because I want to establish a pattern of incompetence. Anyone can screw up a playcall. Even the best are going to make multiple mistakes each week. But the best learn and don't keep repeating the same screwups. Todd Haley, at this point, cannot be considered one of the "great ones". Or even one of the "mediocre ones" ...
* Chiefs first possession: on 3rd and 8, Coach Asshat, after calling two ridiculous, pointless, utterly inept "Wildcat" plays with Larry Johnson under center, calls a designed draw to Matt Cassel. On 3rd and 8, at his own 23, already trailing 7-0. A designed QB draw. Cassel fumbles, end result is no gain on the play, Chiefs punt. For the first time in a long, long time, I stood and booed. Repeatedly. I booed my team in the hallowed grounds of Arrowhead. Not even three minutes into the game, and I had had enough.
Sadly, it was not the last time I stood and loudly booed the utter incompetence on the field and on the sideline.
* Chiefs second possession: on 3rd and 5 at the Giants 16, Coach Asshat calls a go route to the end zone to Bobby Engram. No consideration for a simple 6 yard in pattern to Sean Ryan (who catches anything within 2 yards of him), or dueling out patterns at the marker with Wade and Bowe, or even a draw play that might have caught the Giants off guard. (And considering LJ already had 22 yards on 4 carries at this point, a draw play made sense, since he was AVERAGING more yards than what we needed to gain to keep the drive alive).
Did ANY of this factor into Coach Asshat's playcall in that spot? Nope. He aired it out. I truly, and I mean this, I truly am utterly in shock at how retarded Coach Asshat's gameplans are. He won't throw it within 5 yards of the marker on 3rd and 13, but he goes deep on 3rd and 5. I truly, and I mean this, I am absolutely in utter awe of the man. I never dreamed I'd live to see the day when a mentally retarded individual was given the keys to a NFL franchise.
To noone's surprise, the 3rd and 5 go route pass was (fake mile high voice) IN ... COM ... PLETE! (wa wa wa wa ...), and the Chiefs settle for a field goal attempt, which is good.
* Chiefs third possession: On 3rd and 9, Coach Asshat has Cassel throw short to Sean Ryan for a three yard gain. No attempt to gain the first down, no attempt to stretch the field, no attempt to compete. A simple check down route that Matt Cassel never checked through, he simply took 5 steps back and threw. Chiefs punt. More loud boos from the hot-as-hell 32 year old in section 132, row 26, seat 14.
(Yup, that's where I sit, every game this decade and counting. For anyone who thinks I simply criticize without being willing to face heat on my own, there you go. The Chiefs organization is free to confront me anytime they want. I also tailgate in the grassy lot at the back of Lot G, and my email address is available by clicking the profile on this page. I'm more than willing to discuss anytime Coach Asshat and his enablers want what's wrong with their approach).
* Chiefs fourth possession: Trailing 14-3 now, on 3rd and 10 at our own 30, Coach Asshat again refuses to try for the first down. He calls a running back screen to LJ, who is tackled for no gain. Four third downs, and Coach Asshat is now 0 for 4 in competent playcalls.
Again, read the play call. I'm not making it up; this comes straight from the nfl.com play-by-play chart. A running back screen on 3rd and 10? This isn't KU versus Duke here. And we don't have Todd Reesing executing the screen. A running back screen on 3rd and 10 will almost NEVER work in the pros. I'd put the success rate at 2%. 1 in every 50 screens on 3rd and 10 will get you the yardage you need, when the screen is called to a running back NOT KNOWN FOR HIS RECEIVING ABILITY OR HIS ABILITY TO RUN AFTER THE CATCH! I mean Jesus, Todd! If you're gonna call the screen there, why wasn't Jamaal Charles in the game? That's why he's on the roster isn't it, is for his ability to make something happen in open field?
Needless to say, I stood and booed for thirty seconds after this play. I made sure I stood and booed up until the ball was snapped for the punt. And by this point, I was NOT the only one letting Coach Asshat know what we think of his playcalling abilities. There were plenty of folks standing in verbal agreement with me.
* Chiefs fifth possession: On 3rd and 9 at the Chiefs 11, another short pass, this time to Bobby Wade for a gain of six. Five third downs, zero legitimate attempts to convert them. Not even remotely surprising, the Chiefs are trailing 14-3, Arrowhead is booing loudly, deservedly so, and the frustration is really beginning to build.
* Chiefs sixth possession: On 3rd and 8, Cassel throws a wide receiver screen to Mark Bradley. He breaks a tackle and gains 18. This is the ONLY third down the Chiefs will convert until the 4th quarter. And even with this "successful conversion", what had to happen in order for the play to work? Bradley had to take a short pass, thrown well shy of the down to make marker, break a tackle, and turn upfield. Which begs the question, do we have even ONE play in the playbook that gets the receivers past the down marker? Do we? Because I haven't seen any evidence so far that we do.
After that "successful conversion", the Chiefs bomb out on first and second down. So, on 3rd and 13 at the Chiefs 41, Cassel AGAIN throws short to Mark Bradley, who manages to break a tackle and get to midfield, but still four yards shy of the first down. Do I need to once again set the scene? The Chiefs are TRAILING, at home, by 11. They have now faced SIX third downs. They have YET to throw an attempt beyond the yard-to-gain marker.
In fact, even more damning at this point, the only pass ATTEMPT Matt Cassel has thrown more than 10 yards downfield was on a playfake intended for Dwayne Bowe that he horribly overthrew. We're 28 minutes of football in, and the Chiefs have attempted exactly ONE pass that could move the chains on a first down. One. I found it interesting now that two weeks in a row, Coach Asshat has railed at halftime about his running game's inability to get going. Coach? Maybe if you'd give defenses a reason to not have 8 guys in the box, you'd open up some running lanes. And how do you do that? BY THROWING THE DAMNED BALL DOWN THE DAMNED FIELD!
I swear, there were moments yesterday when I actually was doing the math in my head, of how far I'd have to run to physically attack Coach Asshat on the sideline. The man is having very bad effects on me.
To his credit on this possession, Coach Asshat was prepared to go for it on fourth down. If that was his thinking all along, then the 3rd and 13 play maybe makes some sense. (Based on the fact that Cassel was in the huddle for fourth down prior to the two minute warning, and the fact that the Chiefs attempted to run a play after the two minute warning before a false start penalty sent in Dusty C, I do believe that was his thought process: get close on 3rd down and go for it on 4th). However ...
What makes no sense is that we're seven third downs in, and not a single pass ATTEMPT has reached the first down marker! We have yet to even legitimately TRY to pick up the first down! The Chiefs end the half 1 for 7 on 3rd downs, with zero pass attempts that reach the first down marker. Again, it isn't being 1 for 7 that angers me. 6 of the 7 3rd downs were 6 yards or more, and the 7th was a 3rd and 5. 1 for 7 isn't unacceptable given those conditions.
What IS unacceptable, is to not even TRY to convert, to gain the yardage. To not even throw the damned football far enough to get a first down if its caught! And considering 6 of Cassel's 7 3rd down throws in the first half were caught, is it really asking too much for Coach Asshat to call a damned play that reaches the first down marker PRIOR to a receiver making the catch? I say no.
* Chiefs seventh possession: after a moronic onside kick attempt to start the half that I accurately called on the walk out 5 minutes prior to it occurring (because predictable idiots are two things. Predictable. And idiots. Coach Asshat is brilliant at being both), and with the Chiefs now trailing 20-3 as a result, you would think there would be a sense of desperation. Or at least a whiff of common sense. But not for Coach Asshat, who bravely calls a screen pass on 3rd and 18. Send in Dusty C. Cue vociferous boos. I had already left, but hearing the PA guy and the boos from the crowd, I just started laughing. I literally just started laughing uncontrollably. The 69,000 others who hadn't left yet just unloaded on Coach Asshat and his playcalling. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. Keep giving it to him Chiefs fans!!! The man deserves to be booed mercilessly for the "job" he has done so far.
* Chiefs eighth possession: Still trailing 20-3, Coach Asshat FINALLY has Matt Cassel drop back and try to convert a third down. Sadly, he is sacked, so its a moot point. But hey, actually trying to get a first down after 40 minutes and 9 attempts, brilliant! Yay Coach Asshat for being hit up the side of the head with a sledgehammer of common sense!
Again, let this sink in. 40 minutes have passed. The Chiefs trail by 17. And only NOW does Coach Asshat call a play on 3rd down that has a shot in hell of actually achieving the ONLY thing you should seek to do on 3rd down when you're down by 17 (convert the damned first down!). It took 40 minutes for our head coach / offensive coordinator / Special Olympian to attempt to do the obvious.
* Chiefs ninth possession: If, after this possession, you can still defend Coach Asshat and whatever the hell it is he is attempting to do, I give up. Because while everything up until now has been indefensible, this possession takes the cake.
On a 3rd and 11, trailing 27-3, Coach Asshat calls a short slant over the middle to D Bowe. It is incomplete. 3rd and 11. Trailing by 24. In the fourth quarter. And Coach Asshat STILL isn't calling plays that, if executed to a bare minimum (aka make the catch and fall down) will get you a first down!
On 4th and 11, trailing by 24 in the fourth quarter, Coach Asshat FINALLY grows a pair and goes for it on fourth down from the Giants 30. (Note: this is my FAVORITE part of coaching. He WON'T go for it when the game is still in reach on 4th down, but trailing by 24? What the hell. Todd, maybe if you'd go for it on 4th and 9 at midfield when the score is 14-3, you don't face 4th and 11 trailing by 24. Call me crazy).
So 4th and 11, Coach Asshat decides to go for it. Only, the throw is short of the first down marker. Somehow, the Chiefs win a challenge on the spot, and convert the first down. (Well, not somehow: Jerome Boger's crew misspot the ball by 2 whole yards. Good challenge, actually). But again, the playcall meant that the throw was SHORT of the line to gain! On fourth down! What in the hell is Coach Asshat thinking! Please! Explain to me how on a 4th and 11, you would EVER call a play that doesn't guarantee you a first down if you make the catch! On third down, you can "defend", and I use that term loosely, you can at least "defend" a short throw with the "we're going for it on 4th down" defense. What defense is there for not throwing it past the first down marker on 4th down?
Sadly, Coach Asshat's playcalling gets even "better". Trailing 27-3 still after the 4th down challenge conversion, yet exhibition zero sense of urgency, Coach Asshat calls a short over-the-middle attempt on 3rd and 11 at the Giants 19. It is incomplete. Even if it had been complete, trailing by 24 with less than 11 minutes to play, and facing a 3rd and 11, WHAT IN THE HELL GOOD IS A SHORT OVER THE MIDDLE WIDE RECEIVER IN ROUTE? WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO? Explain to me, Todd, what in the hell throwing short on 3rd and 11 accomplishes? Other than infuriating the 2 fans still in the stands at that point.
On 4th and 11, still trailing by 24, Coach Asshat ONCE AGAIN fails to call a play where the pass attempt places the receiver BEYOND the line to gain! Its ... its unbelievable at this point. This man, this imbecile AGAIN, trailing by 24, at home, with less than 11 to play, AGAIN calls a play that requires the receiver to break AT LEAST one tackle and do SOMETHING in the open field in order for a first down to be gain! On 4th and 11! That is IDIOCY!
Somehow, D Bowe breaks a tackle to keep the drive alive. And now, it gets really wacky. The Chiefs have first and goal at the Giants 8, trailing by 24, 10 minutes to go. We HAVE to get a touchdown, preferably in a hurry. Because as bad as its been, in theory, if you score on this drive, and get the two point conversion, you're two scores down at about the 9:50 mark. That's doable. Its not likely, but its doable.
So on first down? Of course! LJ offtackle! Not only is this an INCREDIBLY retarded play call in this spot (down 24, needing a touchdown, with the clock moving), it does the EXACT OPPOSITE of EVERYTHING you need to accomplish! It bleeds the clock, it gains no yards, it infuriates the fan base, and it has zero chance of putting points on the board! Brilliant!
Second down, after another "short of the yard to gain" pass attempt, the Chiefs are bailed out by a defensive holding call. And on first and goal at the one, Coach Asshat bravely eschews the run (because, after all, why pay a running back $6 million plus to actually GAIN a freaking yard when he can be used as a decoy instead), he eschews the run and calls a tight end pass to Sean Ryan, who hauls it in for the touchdown.
After offsetting penalties on the "must convert" two point conversion (again, you convert, you're within two scores; you fail, you still need three scores), the play is finally attempted. And Coach Asshat's brilliant play call? A Matt Cassel run! Yippee! To the surprise of NOONE with a functioning brain (which at this point, I question if Coach Asshat possesses one), the attempt fails. Ballgame.
Everything from this point on, is pointless to dissect. Because once the two point conversion failed, the game was officially over.
But the game was effectively over before the Chiefs even stepped on the field.
We're four weeks in, and I'm finished with Todd Haley. He's dead to me. I will continue to show up, and support, the team that I love. I just will no longer blindly support them. Nor will I encourage anyone to show up and watch. Not even child rapists deserve punishment as horrible as watching a Chiefs game in person.
Having made my point ... here's your recap.
* Arrived at the stadium right around 7am. There were actually people in every line at gate 6 at 7am to watch a horrendously coached team assume the position on the field. Don't tell me this team's fans aren't loyal to the end.
* the tailgating meal this week? Italian. Spaghetti, rigitoni, mostacholli, meatballs, Italian sausage, some Italian dessert deal, and authentic Olive Garden salad and breadsticks. I am still working my way through this incredible sauce that Nancy made, its a combination of marinara, alfredo, and something else. Unbelievably good.
* nice to see the parking nazis are alive and well at Arrowhead. Here's a hint guys: if you want folks to keep showing up, don't treat them like cattle. Let them park where they want to, within their assigned lots, within reason, and then leave them the hell alone unless they cause problems. Not one, but TWO folks nearly had their cars towed for parking in the back of Lot G next to the buses in a parking spot. They had Lot G red reserved passes. They were causing NOONE an issue. But both our group and the group next to us had to re-arrange the chair situations at our tailgates to accommodate another car. Screw you Steve Schneider and your parking nazis. Here's a thought. And since I've sent this to you via email and in person, I'll state it again: allow folks to save spots until 9am in the front of each lot, or in the grassy areas of each lot. After 9am, if the spot isn't filled, direct cars into it, fine. After 9am, direct cars through your stupid ticket tape to your heart's content. But give folks with wide-ranging groups of people arriving time to hook up and get together without interference from other groups that probably don't want to be in the midst of another gang's tailgate anyways. Its how it was done at Arrowhead prior to 2004. Its how most legitimate cities handle tailgating. Hell, even Sandstone allows you to save spots, IN THE FRONT ROW for Christ's sake, for nearly an hour after the gates open for late-arrivals to your group.
Of course, none of this will matter come December, when 25,000 folks show up to watch the worst Chiefs team of my lifetime. But its the principle that counts.
* Despite a large number of regular folks being at NASCAR, still a solid showing yesterday. Our tailgate went twelve deep, and there were 70,000 that showed up for the game. 60,000 of them legitimately. The lower bowl was filled, the upper deck was solidly filled in, even club level had a couple scatterings of folks.
* KC Wolf's sketch was hysterical for once. I laughed out loud more than once.
* What was not hysterical, was the pathetic Breast Cancer poem / tribute / sh*tfest prior to the National Anthem. Whatever the hell that poem was, its the worst written pile of garbage I've ever heard read out loud. It was the second worst sound in that stadium on Sunday. And yes, if I'm ripping Breast Cancer survivors ... and Jazzercise was not the worst sound ... that leaves only one thing ...
* The National Anthem! Just kidding. Ace Frehley rocked the joint. That was awe-inspiring. No, the worst sound in that stadium Sunday was ...
* Rumble! Yes, Chiefs fans, our "Band" is back. Only, its not a band, its a collection of drum-beating folks who are attempting to apparently infuse our Chiefs experience with a shot of soccer fan. When they "took the field", I literally looked at Chris (and vice versa) and we said the same thing to each other. "What the hell is this?" OK, you want them to "lead the team onto the field", I'm fine with that. Stupid, doesn't make much sense, but hey, changing things up can be good. But when they took their "place" for the game in the TD Pack Band's old stomping ground, I literally spit up the margarita I was working my way through. You do NOT desecrate Tony DiParto, Patti DiParto Livergood and the TD Pack Band like that. I'd like to say that was the final straw for me telling this current regime "screw it, until you're gone, I'm out", only ... well ...
* sometimes, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn. Even twice a day, a broken clock is accurate. As bad as Obama's plan for health care is, the public option is a long overdue necessary reform. I'm reaching for analogies here. But when you do something right ... I have to give credit where its due.
Especially if its of the equine persuasion.
Yup, Warpaint! Back! On the turf! At Arrowhead! I know I wasn't the only person in section 132 who immediately hit his feet and started applauding wildly when that beautiful horse trotted out of the tunnel. It was just awesome to see. Let's make this a regular thing guys. Let's make this a regular thing again.
* So ... here's where normally I'd conclude by saying "its not as bad as it seems". Or "hang in there, we're gonna turn this around". Or "you gotta have faith, this season isn't over". Or some variation of that theme.
Well, I can't say that. Sunday, for the first time ever, I turned next to me, when Nancy asked me the "well?" question regarding if we'd win, and I answered "not a shot in hell". I feel the same way about Sunday. We don't have a shot in hell of beating Dallas. The Cowboys are going to roll in here, have 50% of the stadium rooting for them, and drop a 40 spot on us. I have zero doubt Dallas is going to destroy us on Sunday. I believe this due to the Cowboys desperation (already 2 behind NY and NY has the tiebreaker), and our incompetent Coach Asshat and his staff.
But I do hope, despite your feelings, despite my feelings, that you'll honor the ticket you have, and show up with it on Sunday. If only for the tailgating. The long range forecast looks awesome for mid October (low 70s and sunny). My tailgating group has a sh*tload of friends and fellow fans coming up from Dallas for this game. The tailgating WILL rock the joint. We're attempting to purchase the early-in passes for this week, to ensure we lock up every strip of space at the back of Lot G's grassy knoll for the 30 plus people we're projecting. So show up, have some fun. We're having Texas brisket, slow smoked baked beans, some garlicy cheese mashed taters, a true Texas tailgate. In honor of Texas' two finest original teams. The Cowboys. And the Texans. (aka the Chiefs).
So show up one final time this year. (OK, a next to final time. You know you want to see denver roll in here and stomp us, if only to witness my epic meltdown that will occur after that). But don't hawk your ticket(s). Use it, or them. Whatever you think of this team, of this coach, of this franchise, of this season, at least give it one final chance.
Teams have rallied from 0-4 before. OK, that's a lie. A team has rallied from 0-4. And this team won't be the second. But for one brief moment in time on Sunday, suspend reality. Show up, tailgate, have some fun. Move down by me in 132 and join me in booing Coach Asshat and his minions. And then realize, like I did before the half yesterday, "wait a second. Vodka and sprites are $9 in here. They're free at the bus! Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, coming through, coming through ..."
Thursday, October 1, 2009
the week four predictions
"Midnight.
Not a sound from the pavement.
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone ...
In the lamplight,
The withered leaves collect at my feet,
And the wind
Begins to moan ...
Memory!
All alone in the moonlight!
I can dream of the old days!
Life was beautiful then ...
I remember the time I knew
What happiness was,
Let the memory
Live again ..."
-- "Memory", from the musical "Cats", created by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.
-----------
Last Week ATS: 4-12-0. Ugh.
Season to Date ATS: 23-25-0. Oh my.
Last Week SU: 5-11-0. Sweet Jesus.
Season to Date ATS: 27-21-0. Yikes.
Last Week Upset / Week: thanks for trying to win Coach (string of expletives) Haley.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 1-2
This Week's Upset / Week: just picture me hitting myself repeatedly with a tire iron, or HHH's conveniently placed sledge hammer ... or lighting myself on fire ... or taking a stick up my ass, whatever works ... because ...
(kellie voice) NO! Steve! NO! You CANNOT pick my team! Look at your record! You CANNOT screw us like this!
(steve voice) Sorry chica. There isn't a better value on the board this week. This game won't be even remotely competitive. denver (+3) over Dallas.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
* at Texans (-9) 34, raiders 0.
* Titans (-3) 37, at Jaguars 13.
* at Patriots (-2) 17, Ravens 13.
* Bengals (-5 1/2) 45, at Browns 0.
* at Bears 21, Lions (+10) 20.
* at Redskins (-7) 56, Bucs 3.
* at Colts 24, Seahawks (+10 1/2) 20.
* Jets (+7) 28, at Saints 24.
* Bills (-2) 13, at Dolphins 3.
* at 49ers 24, Rams (+9 1/2) 20.
* at donkeys (+3) 27, Cowboys 10.
* Chargers (+6 1/2) 31, at Steelers 28.
* at Vikings (-3 1/2) 27, Packers 20.
The Chiefs Prediction:
Sunday is going to suck.
Not just because we're going to bend over and assume the position. On the field, its going to be uglier than anything Mackenzie Phillips has alleged in the last few weeks. Its going to be brutal, probably unwatchable.
But off the field, that's where its gonna hurt.
Five years ago come Monday, we lost one of, if not the, founding father of the Arrowhead Experience as we know it. Or at least as I know it.
Sunday, a lot of the regulars won't be there. For an obvious reason: NASCAR. (Steve rant: I will NEVER understand why NASCAR and the NFL can't get together on this. Run the race on a Saturday night, and Chiefs in the 3:15 slot on Sunday against a huge national opponent. Its so simple, it apparently makes too much sense to ever occur.)
Usually, NASCAR Sunday at the Speedway means good things for the Chiefs. Believe it or not, the Chiefs are 6-0 on NASCAR at the Speedway weekend.
(We had byes in 2004 and 2005 on race weekend.)
In 2001, we rolled the Redskins in a huge upset. In 2002, we destroyed the unbeaten Dolphins at Arrowhead. We won the battle of the unbeatens in 2003 against denver on Dante's punt return. We beat the 49ers at Arrowhead in 2006 to jumpstart our last playoff season. We stunned San Diego in 2007 in Qualcomm, and we won one of the funnest games I've ever been to against denver at Arrowhead last year.
This year, with the karma surrounding this game, I don't see it happening.
Its that "bye" in 2004 that keeps coming back to me. What I failed to see at the time. What many of us, who so loved the guy, failed to see at the time. What haunts some of us to this day.
If you're there Sunday, feel free to head down by me in 132. The better the moral support, the better. I suspect it will be ugly both on and off the field.
Giants (-8 1/2) 31, Chiefs 20. It'll be competitive for a while, but get out of hand come the 4th quarter.
Not a sound from the pavement.
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone ...
In the lamplight,
The withered leaves collect at my feet,
And the wind
Begins to moan ...
Memory!
All alone in the moonlight!
I can dream of the old days!
Life was beautiful then ...
I remember the time I knew
What happiness was,
Let the memory
Live again ..."
-- "Memory", from the musical "Cats", created by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.
-----------
Last Week ATS: 4-12-0. Ugh.
Season to Date ATS: 23-25-0. Oh my.
Last Week SU: 5-11-0. Sweet Jesus.
Season to Date ATS: 27-21-0. Yikes.
Last Week Upset / Week: thanks for trying to win Coach (string of expletives) Haley.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 1-2
This Week's Upset / Week: just picture me hitting myself repeatedly with a tire iron, or HHH's conveniently placed sledge hammer ... or lighting myself on fire ... or taking a stick up my ass, whatever works ... because ...
(kellie voice) NO! Steve! NO! You CANNOT pick my team! Look at your record! You CANNOT screw us like this!
(steve voice) Sorry chica. There isn't a better value on the board this week. This game won't be even remotely competitive. denver (+3) over Dallas.
The Non-Chiefs Picks:
* at Texans (-9) 34, raiders 0.
* Titans (-3) 37, at Jaguars 13.
* at Patriots (-2) 17, Ravens 13.
* Bengals (-5 1/2) 45, at Browns 0.
* at Bears 21, Lions (+10) 20.
* at Redskins (-7) 56, Bucs 3.
* at Colts 24, Seahawks (+10 1/2) 20.
* Jets (+7) 28, at Saints 24.
* Bills (-2) 13, at Dolphins 3.
* at 49ers 24, Rams (+9 1/2) 20.
* at donkeys (+3) 27, Cowboys 10.
* Chargers (+6 1/2) 31, at Steelers 28.
* at Vikings (-3 1/2) 27, Packers 20.
The Chiefs Prediction:
Sunday is going to suck.
Not just because we're going to bend over and assume the position. On the field, its going to be uglier than anything Mackenzie Phillips has alleged in the last few weeks. Its going to be brutal, probably unwatchable.
But off the field, that's where its gonna hurt.
Five years ago come Monday, we lost one of, if not the, founding father of the Arrowhead Experience as we know it. Or at least as I know it.
Sunday, a lot of the regulars won't be there. For an obvious reason: NASCAR. (Steve rant: I will NEVER understand why NASCAR and the NFL can't get together on this. Run the race on a Saturday night, and Chiefs in the 3:15 slot on Sunday against a huge national opponent. Its so simple, it apparently makes too much sense to ever occur.)
Usually, NASCAR Sunday at the Speedway means good things for the Chiefs. Believe it or not, the Chiefs are 6-0 on NASCAR at the Speedway weekend.
(We had byes in 2004 and 2005 on race weekend.)
In 2001, we rolled the Redskins in a huge upset. In 2002, we destroyed the unbeaten Dolphins at Arrowhead. We won the battle of the unbeatens in 2003 against denver on Dante's punt return. We beat the 49ers at Arrowhead in 2006 to jumpstart our last playoff season. We stunned San Diego in 2007 in Qualcomm, and we won one of the funnest games I've ever been to against denver at Arrowhead last year.
This year, with the karma surrounding this game, I don't see it happening.
Its that "bye" in 2004 that keeps coming back to me. What I failed to see at the time. What many of us, who so loved the guy, failed to see at the time. What haunts some of us to this day.
If you're there Sunday, feel free to head down by me in 132. The better the moral support, the better. I suspect it will be ugly both on and off the field.
Giants (-8 1/2) 31, Chiefs 20. It'll be competitive for a while, but get out of hand come the 4th quarter.
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