ned yost, welcome to steve's sh*t list. you earned it, you really, really earned it ...

If there is one thing in sports that drives me bat sh*t crazy … well, it’s the Wave.

But other than that, it’s managers or coaches who overthink a situation, and wind up screwing over their team as a result.

Sunday, the Royals lost to a horrendous Mariners team because Ned Yost overthought, and ultimately over-witted, his team out of a victory.

I hate when that happens.

Here’s my specific b*tches with … well, I haven’t come up with a creative expletive-laden nickname for Ned yet, but give me a few days, something will come to me.

* Bottom of the third. Tied at zeros. Alcides Escobar reaches with a base hit, one out, runner at first. Next up for the Royals is CF Jarrod Dyson, who sported a healthy .000 batting average entering the game. (And left with the same horrendous average). The speed of Escobar obviously ratted the pitcher a little, because Dyson quickly saw three straight balls. Never once in those three straight balls did Escobar hint he was going to steal. (Pinera’s pickoff move was pretty solid).

It’s a 3-0 count. Only one out, and after Dyson, you have the heart of the order coming up – Getz / Gordon / Butler. At the risk of invoking Steve Rule 34 … screw it, we are invoking it. Steve Rule 34: Anytime someone reacts to a decision with a “you’d have to be mentally retarded or named Steve to do that”, it’s probably not a good decision.

Ned Yost sends Escobar. On a 3-0 count.

Ball Four.

Escobar thrown out at second on the steal attempt.

In old right field GA, I dropped a “he can’t be this f*cking stupid!” blast. It would not be the last time on Sunday those words escaped from my mouth. Again, it’s a scoreless ballgame in the third inning. The only way you can f*ck this situation up (one on, one out, 3-0 count, heart of the order up next), is to do something so ridiculously retarded that even I have to question your sanity.

Ned Yost did it. Sadly, it wasn’t the last time he’d cause me to invoke Steve Rule 34 on Sunday …

* Bottom of the sixth, tied at one. And believe me, of all the brain farts Ned Yost had on Sunday, this one usually would top the list. Incredibly, it didn't. Because while it’s not an official Steve Rule, it might as well be dubbed number fifty two. And it would read something like this. “In NO situation, in NO circumstance, in ANY American League game, should a sacrifice bunt be employed before the bottom of the eighth inning”. Tony Pena used to drive me beyond bat sh*t crazy with his sacrifice bunting. Seriously – I went to a game in 2004 with my buddy Phil, and I think he nearly called Charter to come pick me up after I unloaded on the railing with my scorebook as Pena called his second sac bunt of the contest … in the bottom of the first inning.

Why in the name of Jesus himself would ANY American League manager employ the sacrifice bunt until it is literally a “one run clinches the win” circumstance? Why? Pitchers don’t hit in the AL. You have this thing called a “designated hitter”. Sacrifice bunting in the AL, intentionally yielding an at-bat to gain a base, is the very definition of “f*cking retarded”.

So here we are, bottom of the sixth, tied at one. I understand this was a “pitchers duel” to this point. Which is exactly the point – if you don’t factor in Sean O’Sullivan (who was unavailable) and Joakim Soria (shockingly awful so far), the Royals bullpen has an ERA of 1.36. 1.36!!! Your starter was still looking decent as well, and Francis had gone 7 IP in each start so far, allowing two runs or less. Your WORST CASE SCENARIO, based on established criteria, is that Francis has to be yanked after yielding a couple runs (which is what happened). So if your WORST CASE SCENARIO is that you need two to tie, three to win, and you’re down to either 9 or 12 outs, why in the f*ck are you WILLINGLY giving up one of those outs? Unless you’re brain dead or mentally deformed.

Dyson leads off with a walk. Here is where I could point out that Jarrod Dyson brings one thing and one thing only to the table – speed. If you’re gonna take a risk in this spot, why not try a steal or a hit and run? Why willingly give up an out if you don’t have to? It’s not like the Royals were in a “next run to score wins” mode at this point – Seattle’s entire lineup still had one more go-around at the plate!

Instead of employing any number of common sense ideas (steal, hit and run, just let Getz have a normal at-bat), Ned Yost opts to sacrifice bunt. It is “successful”, in that Dyson advances to second while Getz is thrown out 1-3. It is also “successful”, in that (a) I immediately dropped a “god f*cking damn that f*cker!” that nearly caused the nice guy I was sitting next to, to choke on his beer, and (b) the Royals immediately blew the opportunity when Ka’aihue flew out with two outs. Had Getz not sacrifice bunted, there is at least a reasonable shot Dyson scores on Ka’aihue’s fly ball. Of course, why deal with reality when we can deal with the delusional world of Ned Yost, where sacrifice bunts make sense, where a dude who hasn’t recorded a hit since September 10th bats leadoff, and where the best hitter on the roster (streaky wise, and he’s red hot right now) is batting seventh – 7th! – on Sunday. God bless it Ned, you are really, really trying my “rededication to the faith”.

* But the worst offense of all was yet to come. Top of the seventh, and Francis has hit the wall. I had him at 96 pitches when he was yanked, but the last ten hadn’t been pretty, yielding two singles and a (utterly retarded) sacrifice bunt to move the runners to second and third with one out.

I texted at the time that “what the f*ck is he thinking why wood and not jeffress in this spot”. I stand behind that text. Ned Yost opted to go with Blake Wood, making his season debut, in a tied game, with runners at second and third, over the best situational reliever the Royals have employed since Jeff Montgomery was Dan Quisenberry’s setup guy. Let me put it this way – the last time the Royals had a lights out situational reliever like Jeffress, I was in fifth grade, the house my folks still live in to this day (23 years and counting) was in the design phase, and you had to drive the gravel road of 79th Street to reach my folks subdivision where they were building. Less than a mile from Shawnee Mission Park, and it’s a f*cking gravel road. That’s how long ago it was the Royals had a dominant, no doubt about it reliever like Jeffress, a guy you’d wager your next paycheck on to get the out you need.

Instead, Yost opts to go with Wood. And to be fair, Blake Wood only allowed one runner to reach base in 2 2/3 innings of work on Sunday. Unfortunately, it was the first hitter he faced, as Brendan Ryan lined an absolute bullet into right field to drive home the lead and winning runs. I nearly got up and left, I was so incenced.

Because not only was going with Wood in that spot, at best, a Steve Rule 34 invocation, the elephant in the room was obvious and demanding to be yelled into Ned Yost’s ear. (And to Nick Bukaty’s credit, he HAMMERED Yost for said “elephant in the room” in the postgame. Absolutely tore him a new asshole over the incredible f*ck up Yost made in this spot. Amazingly, the incredible f*ck up wasn’t Blake Wood. Nope, the f*ck up was this …)

* Hang on, I want to reset this again. 2nd and 3rd, 1 out, the eighth hitter coming up. 2nd and 3rd, 1 out, tie ballgame. What would any sane, rational, “nope, I didn’t hit Jeffress’ bong before the game” manager do in that spot? Christ, even I had the common sense to b*tch about it, and I was five $9 Budweisers in at this point.

You ready? Because I’m gonna capitalize this one to emphasize just how obvious the decision here is. Again, tied at 1. Top 7. Runners at 2nd and 3rd, the eighth hitter (Brendan Ryan) in the lineup is up. His first two at bats have been ground out to third, ground out to third. (Hooray Steve being anal retentive and diligently keeping score at every game he goes to!)

Re-read the situation in the previous paragraph again. Think about it for 1/1000th of a second, and ask yourself, “Yourself, if you were faced with this situation, what would you ask your pitcher to do?” If, at this point, you don’t know what the OBVIOUS, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT decision to make regarding facing Brendan Ryan is, you need a mental health evaluation, or you have never watched a baseball game before. You ready? Here we go.

(steve and every person reading this with a functioning brain screaming as loudly as humanly possible voice) INTENTIONALLY WALK BRENDAN RYAN!!!!!!!

You intentionally walk Ryan there, right? You load the bases … but ensure the double play ball to get you out of the inning! Walking Ryan doesn’t matter – if Ryan scores, you’re probably f*cked and gonna lose anyways, and if the ninth hitter winds up doing EXACTLY WHAT HE DID, which is ground to second, you’re out of the inning STILL TIED AT 1! Christ, I mean, am I really this much smarter than the man charged with returning the Royals to their glory days?!?! I would certainly hope not.

Even the hammered (and I mean hammered) dude next to me yesterday leaned over and said “hey, why we not intentionally walking this guy” when Ryan entered the batters box for a second pitch. This dude was so far gone he had his friggin shirt off, and it was 56 and overcast at first pitch and got colder from there, that’s how sh*t faced he was. And even HE understood you intentionally walk Brendan Ryan in that spot! How is it that a drunk shirtless dude who had a really nice smell of what might have been an illegal tobacco-like product about him, how is it that a stoned drunk idiot like that grasps what our manager can’t?

Finally …

* Bottom of the eighth. Escobar leads off with a walk. You can point out that maybe we should have pinch hit Aviles for Jarrod Dyson up next, trailing 3-1, but I was ok with letting Dyson hit because I figured we’d try a hit and run. We did, and Dyson reached on a fielders choice that, to be honest, was the first horrendous call of the bottom of the eighth. I know the visual evidence showed the next hitter, Chris Getz, beat out the sacrifice bunt (more in a second), but I thought the “no doubt about it, he’s safe” play of the bottom of the eighth was Escobar sliding into second. You get a great view of any play at second from right field, and he was safe with a capital S, A, F, and E. Should have been first and second, nobody out. As it turned out, it was runner at first, one out.

And it is at this point, down 3-1, needing to manufacture something, with the heart of his lineup due up, that Ned Yost makes a sensible, reasonable, no doubt about it decision.

He sends Dyson on the second pitch. He’s safe by a wide country mile. Now we’ve got something going. Runner at second, one out, the 2-3-4 hitters on the way. The ONLY WAY to f*ck this up, is to willingly give up an out via a sacrifice to advance the runner. The ONLY WAY the Royals don’t have a shot at a big inning, at posting a 3 or 4 spot and winning this damned game, is if you decide to play for one run.

Ned Yost played for one run. You betcha, a bunt down the third base line. Now, to be fair, Getz did beat the throw, as replay showed. But ignore for a second that the play should have given the Royals a decent setup – 1st and 3rd with one out, trailing by two, with Gordon and Butler due up.

No, screw that, that’s EXACTLY what you should focus on. Ned Yost, instead of trying for 1st and 3rd with one out, with the two hottest hitters in the f*cking league due up, opted to NOT go that route, and instead wanted a runner at 3rd with 2 outs.

I don’t get it. I mean, I don’t claim to be all there mentally. Jesus, you can read this site and figure that out within two post clicks, especially if they’re Chiefs game recaps. But this, sorry folks, THIS decision was a fireable offense. Ned Yost didn’t play to win yesterday. He didn’t tank, but he sure as all hell didn’t come anywhere close to making the decisions a manager who is there to take a sledgehammer to his opponent makes.

I realize it’s just one game. I realize that nobody overreacts, in both a positive and negative way, to one game quite like I do. But yesterday was managerial incompetence at its finest. Again, kudos to Nick Bukaty for calling Ned Yost out for his mental errors yesterday. Hopefully Ned learns from this. Even the best f*ck up from time to time. I mean, Pat Riley did call a designed play for Charles Smith to try a layup with game five of the Eastern Finals on the line. If he can royally screw up like that and live to fight another day, anyone can. But yesterday, yesterday infuriated me. When you’re a team like the Royals, where you’re living on a wing and a prayer, just hoping to make it to July in contention, when the kids come up and the payroll flexibility might pay off, you simply CANNOT afford to whiz away winnable games like yesterday.

Ned Yost made at least four idiotic decisions yesterday, as documented above. The Royals lost by one. Instead of focusing on the botched call at first on Getz’ bunt, why not focus on the real question –

Why in the f*ck was Chris Getz sacrifice bunting with one man on, down by two, in the eighth inning, with Alex Gordon and Billy Butler due up next?

God forbid any member of the sports media in this town, save for Nick Bukaty, Greg Hall, and occasionally Soren Petro, address the elephant in the room …