a few random thoughts ...

to shut the weekend down.

* How epic was Sunday at Augusta? At about 3:50pm CT, there were 9 -- 9!!! -- golfers within a shot of the lead. I honestly had planned to spend part of my Sunday as I spent a good chunk of my Saturday afternoon -- hitting the jogging trail, getting in shape, and (hopefully) turning from a pasty shade of white into a reddish bronze hue. But I couldn't turn the damned TV off. Congrats to Chuck Schwartzel. To be honest, I wanted Adam Scott to win, partly because I like the guy, partly because the reaction of Mallory might have brought riot-like conditions to Roeland Park, and partly because the guy is the spitting image of my buddy Damien. He's a friggin doppleganger.

And part of me even rooted for Eldrick, under the, as "The Voice of Reason" put it theory, "you think they allow self-employed models in Butler Cabin"? God I hope so. Anyways, a tremendous toonumunt. Without question the best since 2004, and if Mickelson hadn't won in 2004, I'd rate this the best one since ... well, it's been a long while. Great toonumunt.

* Congrats to the Boyz N Blue! Taking 2 of 3 in Detroit does not suck. Getting two rock star starts out of Bruce "C'mon!" Chen and Luke Hochever is a good thing. Never trailing on either Saturday or Sunday is a really good thing. Man, I feel another Sunday at "Mass" coming on a week from today.

* Spent Saturday night getting all kinds of messed up at everyone's favorite neighborhood bar, the Daily Double! The best part is, poor Gusser didn't make a dent in the bet -- I only made him pay off 3 of the 7 he owed me, and Junior finished top 10 again at Texas. So he still owes me a solid six pack. Poor guy. Nah, not really, I love abusing idiot gamblers.

* Spent most of Saturday launching the "Get in Shape 2011!" plan. Granted, it will probably last 4 days at the most. Granted, I launch one of these every spring. And granted, I will never wind up with a body that will be mistaken for an Abercrombie model's ... unless "completely unathletic and an instant non-turn-on" is what they're going for, then I'm in like Sven. But -- but! -- I actually jogged 5 miles yesterday! Again, granted, I instantly had to reach for the inhaler and pound that thing like a 20 year, 3 pack a day smoker, and yes, the O'Hara offensive linemen that were jogging at the same time had lapped me by lap 3 ... but I reached my goal! I made it around the f*cking track at St. Regis five f*cking times without stopping to walk, puke, and or lay down to die! Yay Stevo!

But a huge "BOO!" to the city of Kansas City, Missouri Parks and Rec Department, for not having a functioning water fountain. (brian griffin voice) What the hell? Apparently they don't turn the damned thing on until May 1st. Guys? It was 93 effing degrees yesterday. There was an 8 with another digit after it as the temp today. I don't think you need to worry about frozen pipes anymore this season.

* I really need to join Twitter. I had a couple instant classic one-liners during the Masters today. When McIlroy somehow found the cabins on 10, I hauled out the "how's his line Rolfy?" classic from the 2006 US Open. After McIlroy played six, still putting seven, on said tenth hole, I launched the "he should change his name to Steve, he's playing like me" putdown. The only person better with the quick, off the cuff one-liner comebacks than me, is "The Voice of Reason". And I think we played off each other perfectly today. (And congrats on that, what was it? 100-1 Schwartzel bet? You'd better invest $9.95 of that on a Curious George plush toy for the "Junior Voice of Reason". If he liked the Pooh Bear this Crazy Drunk Uncle got him as much as he seemed to, at least get him my favorite cartoon character to go with said Pooh Bear with your winnings).

* Solid week ahead. Wine tasting on Tuesday, bowling our arch-enemies with the league on the line (for them) on Wednesday, a Saturday spent helping my good friends and seat neighbors at Arrowhead get ready for the seasons to come (aka "who's up for some yardwork!"), and a potential "Steve ducks into the back "pew" with a Pale Ale in hand" Sunday at "Mass". Oh, and my boss' last day is Friday. Which means once again, it's me and me alone as the "department Steve works for" at "company Steve works for". I have to keep using the " "'s -- they sent out a lovely "social media policy" on Friday we now have to adhere to. So, in deference to the folks that pay my salary, I stress for the first (but probably not for the last) time that, the thoughts, opinions, and character assassinations expressed in this post and on this blog are the exclusive opinions of me. In no way, shape, or form do they reflect the current, past, or future opinions of "company Steve works for", nor in any way, shape or form will they ever reflect the opinions of "company Steve works for". Hope that's clear enough for the "company Steve works for", because I really need the income "company Steve works for" provides me ...

Next post -- I promise! -- will be ... ok, I don't promise. Because I still want to vent on the f*cking idiots of the American Idol voting public. But even odds, next post is on the "winning" vote getter of last week's poll. And I might have to make it a "Two for Monday", since technically, there were two historic, memorable, "I will never forget when (blank) poured (blank) into his (blank)" double header days. Since I'm not Gene Rayburn, I'll leave it up to you to fill in the (blanks) ...