Are we really almost a month into Big Brother 13? Holy cow. We have a major shake-up at the top, as last week’s front-runner was sent packing … and this week’s front-runner is likely to go home Thursday at this point. But until the Chenbot orders Dominic to walk out the front door, I hold out hope.
14. Evel Dick (1.0: NR. 2.0: 14th.) I keep waiting for the “ha! He’s back!” bait and switch this show is so damned known for.
13. Keith (1.0: 3rd. 2.0: 4th.) Our first evicted houseguest. Gone and pretty much forgotten.
12. Cassi (1.0: 1st. 2.0: 1st.) Leave it to the Dumbf*ck Duo of Brendon and Rachel to scheme against, and ultimately send home, the funnest chick on this year’s version.
11. Rachel (1.0: NR, 2.0: 13th.) In the words of Cracker, “I need you in my life like I need a hole in my head.” Should probably note, “the ex” is finally getting into this craptacular show, and her daily anti-Rachel emails never fail to make me laugh. She’d be 14th on this poll, only I always rank the evicted / voluntarily removed houseguests in order they’re booted from back to front.
10. Porsche (1.0: 7th. 2.0: 11th.) She grows more irritating by the episode. Although did you catch The Hoff eyeing her on Sunday night’s show? In the words of my buddy Luke from back in high school, “Sex Panther Time!!!” (He now works as a minister. You can’t make this sh*t up, I’m telling you.)
9. Kalia (1.0: 6th. 2.0: 6th.) When the token “black chick that thinks the world is owed to her” isn’t ranked dead last in this poll, you know there’s some annoying as hell people in the game this summer.
8. Brendon (1.0: NR. 2.0: 5th.) You can slowly yet surely see the influence of Rachel taking him over, and this is not a good thing. I have one buddy (nameless for the sake of pity), who is married to a girl none of us like. He’s a great guy. He could have done so much better. That’s how I feel about Brendon. You can do better pal. Wake up and walk away while you still can.
7. Shelly (1.0: 4th. 2.0: 12th.) She’s growing on me. Definitely “the sleeper” that could walk away with the half million bucks because nobody has the heart to vote her out, ala Lisa in Season Three.
6. Jordan (1.0: NR. 2.0: 7th.) God I love this girl. Her response Thursday night to The Chenbot’s question about “when is there gonna be a ring on the finger” was awesome. “Well, we technically don’t even live in the same state yet! Let him move to North Carolina before I pressure him (for the ring).” God above that’s great!
5. Daniele (1.0: NR. 2.0: 9th.) Love the flirting between her and Dominic. Just lock the door to the Have Not room and get it on already.
4. Jeff (1.0: NR. 2.0: 3rd.) Other than Jason from season 3, and Memphis from season 10, this is my favorite contestant to not win the game. The question at this point is, is if Brenchel is using Jorf, or the other way around? I’m guessing Jorf is getting used and abused, unfortunately.
3. Lawon (1.0: 5th. 2.0: 8th.) He’s the funniest houseguest on this year’s show. I hope he sticks around awhile. Between him this year and Ragan last year, the “token gay guy” is finally paying off for the first time since Marcellus was in our lives.
2. Adam (1.0: 8th. 2.0: 10th.) Our biggest gainer of the week. Loved the puff piece about him on Thursday’s show, and anyone who is proud to be from Jersey, you have to admire.
1. Dominic (1.0: 2nd. 2.0: 2nd.) I fear he’s going home for suggesting the obvious, “are you freaking nuts for not pulling this play?!?!” move to Brenchel, and have them backdoor Jorf. Just like with “American Idol”, my favorite on this show always tends to bow out at least a couple weeks too early. Let’s hope the momentum shifts back to booting Adam over the next few days.