chiefs! steelers! so awful i missed every second of it ...

Well, I’ve been joking about it for years … but the joke’s on me (and you), because yesterday proved beyond the shadow of any and all doubt that I am, indeed, allergic to cold weather. That merely being in sub-60 temperatures makes me sick. So sick … that the unthinkable happens, and I sell off my ticket to the biggest game of the season (it’s do or die), and head back to crash on a couch, and sleep through the contest. Damn you, Old Man Winter!!!


There won’t be a recap for the Chiefs / Steelers “Sunday Night Football” showdown … because I don’t have one to offer you.

I left my brother’s house about 10am Saturday morning, after crashing there because we celebrated his birthday the night before, as only we can: at the classy, and man do I use that term loosely, classy Red Balloon. Let’s just say, I was in no shape to drive.*

(*: there also is a hilarious morning-after story involving my brother and his buddy Chris, a “case of mistaken identity” on one of their parts, but that’s for another time. Glad to see the old Chris back and in effect!)

By 5pm Saturday, I was in no shape to do anything. I laid down for a quick power nap before I had planned to head to Tyler’s birthday bash at McFadden’s Saturday night. I laid down at about 5:30pm. I didn’t move until 10:15 the next morning, and I felt worse than I had before a 17 hour “power nap”. I know the only reason I actually woke up was because I left the lights on before said “power nap”, and I need darkness to sleep. If it weren’t for that, I might still be snoring. Still, I’m a trooper, I can do this, I kept telling myself.

After forcing myself to clean up, I hopped in the shower and cranked that bastard up as hot as I could stand it … and it worked. For a little while. I deluded myself into thinking “ok, that did the trick”.* By the time I got to Russ and Mona’s to start loading up 30 minutes later, I could barely keep my eyes open. I literally slept the entire time we were at the gates, except to get up and puke. I emerged from Katie’s Jeep for only three reasons: to welcome “The Voice of Reason”, to welcome his dad, and you guessed it, to puke.** By 5:30 I was gonzo, snoring on the front seat. I gave my ticket to Anthony to try to get something for it (good job getting nearly face champ!), and Katie took me back to Russ and Mona’s, where my plan was to grab my keys, grab my overnight stuff (I’d planned on crashing there, figuring I’d be too hammered at 1am to try to drive home), and drive home to pass out.

(*: funniest moment: I sit down in Russ’ chair to try to watch the Jets game, and close my eyes. I wasn’t dozing, but I looked passed out apparently, because three different people at some point walked by and said “wow, Stevo started pregaming early today!” I hate to say this … but most of the time, in that situation, they’d have had a valid point. Maybe I need to quit drinking. (stevo thinking it over) Nah, my liver’s still got six, maybe seven more quality years in it. Besides, who else’s alcohol addiction would you have to make fun of if not for me? And for the record, and it is currently 7:22pm CT on Monday as I type this sentence, I have not had a drop of alcohol since about 1am Saturday morning. Maybe that’s why I’m so sick …)

(**: there was one tailgater there yesterday who kept hopping in the back seat of the Jeep as I was attempting to sleep it off and still make kickoff. Her reason for hopping in? To talk non-stop and smoke a joint or four. Look it, I love weed, but for f*ck’s sake, when I can’t even hold down a bottle of water (the only thing I attempted to have yesterday, and I failed within 30 seconds), I sure as all hell cannot tolerate you blowing smoke in my face. As she noted at my not coming unhinged at her: “you’re real laid back. You seem like a really cool dude.” Well, ok, she nailed both of those things, but come on chica, we’re a smoker friendly tailgate! Go outside and do your business. Especially when I’m shaking from the flu, despite having on 5 sweatshirts, 3 pairs of pants, a seat warmer, and the heat cranked to full blast.)

Did I mention I couldn’t stop puking? I did? Well, fine then. But I really couldn’t stop puking. It was so bad, I couldn’t even keep the Alka Seltzer cold and flu pills down, just a sniff of them and I was up-chucking. Figuring I had no intentions of roo-eening the inside of my car with the lovely smell of whatever the hell was wrong with me, I instead walked down the steps to the basement, grabbed every comforter out of the overnight closet, grabbed two pillows, and created a virtual bearcave down there. I had chills, I was so cold at tailgating from whatever the hell I’m suffering from (and it really wasn’t that bad out there yesterday, all things considered. Normally, I’d have joined in the raucous beer pong games going on at least once, instead of cranking up the heated seat and the heater as high as I could stand it half the time, and to a toasty comfortably level the other half). In their basement? Which I love to sleep in because it’s 60 freaking degrees down there at night? Under those comforters it felt like a sauna. I slept from about 6:30pm until 7am this morning, when amazingly my phone alarm went off. (I can’t believe I remembered to set it).

I trooped it out at work today, but was finally ordered to go home by my boss under the “I can’t afford to lose everyone for month end” theory that I was praying he’d invoke (saving me a PTO day).

So I apologize for no recap. I can’t recap what I haven’t seen, and have no motivation to screen. If someone who actually made it inside and stuck around wants to recap it, I’ll be happy to post your thoughts instead of mine.

But allow me to say this: if that’s how this season craps out? I’m ok with it. Nobody was higher (or perhaps just more high) than me on this team in August. Nobody was more euphoric walking out on Halloween night than me. And if that’s the high point of this season? I’m ok with it.

Because what I kept noting last year, applies even more so this year. This team, right now, in its current roster status? Is the WORST we are going to be for the next four, five, six years.

Our quarterback situation will only get better. Ditto our depth at running back, offensive line, the receiving corps, pick a spot on defense. (I think we’re set for a few years at specialists.)

Yeah, this season has crashed off the tracks, and it kills me, I mean, it hurts me more than my entire body is aching right now from the flu, it is killing me that the two teams I hate more than any other in sports*, one of them is winning the division, and the other one is probably screwing the Jets out of a wildcard via tiebreaker (they both beat the Jets). It sucks.

(*: this is a half-truth – I still hate the jordan era bulls pretty badly.)

But not half as much as this flu bug sucks. (stevo calling his local cvs to finally get over his irrational fear of needles and get a flu shot …)

the chiefs pats pick

“You knock my socks off” – Harriet to Matt, in my favorite “Studio 60” scene.  I fear, like Studio 60, that the 2011 Chiefs are destined to an earlier-than-should-have-been demise.  I remain optimistic that, like Studio 60 after this “honestly in the rotation for greatest hour of television ever” episode, this season is going to have a few “knock your socks off” moments left in it …

------------------------------

There is not one legitimate reason to predict the Chiefs to win this football game.  And just in case anyone reading this concludes “sweet Jesus, Stevo has officially lost all touch with common sense and reality!!!”, I am not predicting the Chiefs to win this game tonight.

My official pick: at Patriots 30, Chiefs (+14 ½) 27, on an overtime Gronkowski field goal. 

But we CAN win this game.  To be honest?  In my gut, I think we ARE winning this game.  But I want to taste the lasagna Wednesday, the turkey Thursday, and gamble on Friday at the Argosy, so I’m going to say “yeah, Pats win”, so that some well-intentioned soul doesn’t call Charter or Two Rivers or some other psychiatric ward to commit me at least two weeks too soon.

History, of which I have a minor in (yay $32,000 a year at the time!), especially sports history, is full of moments when a team with no business winning, a team that is multiple touchdown underdogs, somehow pulls off the “impossible”, and not only covers, but wins the game outright.  (Cue Ol’ Pete King “no, favorites always win!!!!” look of shock and denial.)  Hell, the whole reason I am able to compose and post this column today?  Is because the second or third biggest underdogs in history (sorry, “untamed Lions vs Christians” is still number one), looked at the odds facing them in 1776, and said “screw it”, and signed their names as largely and loudly as they could onto a piece of paper.  (Cue Ol’ Pete King “no, favorites always win!!!!” look of shock and denial.)

And when it comes to the Chiefs and Patriots, well, these contests are ALWAYS closer than they should be on paper.

(Side note: my favorite comment of the week, at ArrowheadPride.com, was when Joel Thorman posted the “how can the Chiefs win this game?” post, and one fan noted “well, we could send our SS (strong safety) to take out the Pats’ QB’s knee!”, an option I have no problems endorsing for a second time (Bernard Pollard ended Tom Brady’s season in week 1 of 2008 by doing that).  But the comment that had me laughing, was the follow-up one liner: “no, we need the Pats’ QB to take out our SS’s knee!”  Sabby Piscatelli everybody!  Christ, he’s eight levels of awful.  I mean, if there’s only eight layers of hell (according to Dante), doesn’t Sabby all but ensure there has to be a ninth, if not a thirteenth?  Because seeing 42 on the field literally makes me want to hurl.  I never thought anyone could challenge Bill Bartee for “Stevo’s Most Hated Chiefs Player Ever” … but Sabby’s damned close.)

In 2008, an awful Chiefs squad went to Foxboro to open the season as a 16 point underdog … and lost on the last play of the game, 17-10.

In 2005, two really good squads faced off at Arrowhead the Sunday after Thanksgiving, and it was possibly (ok, not even remotely*) the last great victory of the Vermeil years.  “Cut” Greg Wesley picked off Tom Brady three times.  The Chiefs won 26-16.  This was the game when Jared Allen joined us for some post-game tailgating in the pimp white cowboy outfit, and the blue convertible with the longhorns on the hood.  Stalker Lady showed up.  Eventually parking lot maintenance forcibly evicted us, we tailgated so long afterwards.  Oh, and this occurred:

(stevo) (goes into port-a-potty)

(stevo) (hurls on smelling inside of port-a-potty)

(stevo) (finally manages to pee)

(stevo) (walks out)

(chick waiting for port-a-potty) how drunk are you, d*ckhead!  To ruin the pot for the rest of us!

(stevo) (actually sober and now p*ssed off) Yeah?  You step inside and tell me I caused that!

(chick) (opens door)

(chick) sorry.  That’s awful!

(stevo) good luck holding it down, b*tch!

(dude with chick) Did you just call my girl a b*tch?

(stevo) uuh, no .. I said chick.  Chick!

(dude with chick) oh, ok …

(*: THE high point of the Vermeil years, was seven days later.  “The Stand”.  Excuse me, “The Stand”!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SCREW YOU denver!  SCREW YOU!!!!  Oh, and mike?  How’s that post-elway career going?  Another loss?  Shocking!  My God, I hate the denver broncos …)

In 2004, an awful Chiefs squad hosted the Pats on a late November Monday night … and lost inside the last two minutes, 27-19.

In 2002, a mediocre Chiefs squad went to New England as a 15 point underdog … and lost in overtime, 41-38.

In 2000, two awful squads faced off at Foxboro on an early December Monday night … and the Pats won when the Chiefs final pass was intercepted in the end zone, 30-24 final.

Almost a year earlier, on a perfect early October Sunday afternoon at Arrowhead (I think I still am sunburned from how perfect that day was), the Chiefs led the Patriots 16-14 with :02 left.  I’m sure you’re thinking “ballgame”.  Yes, it should have been … for the Patriots.  As Adam Vinatieri lined up for a 22 yard field goal into the east end zone, with that :02 left.  I was sitting in 109 that day with my buddy Jasson*, and to say I was bracing for the defeat, is an understatement.  I started chugging every last drop remaining in the flask, grabbed my t-shirt and DT jersey**, and was ready to storm out in anger.

(*: “The Ex” honestly thought that’s how you spelled Jason’s name, “Jasson”, until a couple weeks ago.  Three years of thinking Randy and Linda were too stupid to figure out how to spell Jason on the birth certificate.  In her defense …)

(**: I used to wear a jersey to every home game, up until four years ago, when I realized, “wait a second” … in 99 I wore DT’s jersey.  He died.  Wore it for a couple years after that, then wore Shaun Barber’s jersey when we signed him in 03.  He sucked.  Then switched to DJ in 05 … and we pissed away a gimme wildcard berth.  Never again.  Never again.)

Anyways, my perfect early October afternoon, pushing 80 degrees (the official game recap at nfl.com notes it was 79 degrees, 8 mph wind, with 78 % humidity, sweet Jesus, can we get that for Sunday night?  Please?), anyways, the Pats lined up for a glorified extra point to win the game.

And Vinatieri shanked it.

Chiefs win!

Even the blowouts are memorable – in 1998, when we lost 42-14 in Foxboro, it was the infamous “Whitlock suspended two weeks without pay” game, as (at the time) KC Star columnist Jason Whitlock simply stated the obvious on a sign he held up in the press box that (sadly) the CBS cameras caught: “Bledsoe gay?  Pats Suck!”  I love biased commentators.

My long-winded point is this, and it’s three pointed:

1. The Patriots aren’t as good as you think they are.

2. Tyler Palko isn’t as sh*tty as you fear he is.  And

3. If ANYONE in this league can rally this team, in this spot, to deliver the performance of a lifetime, it’s a man I once “affectionately” dubbed “Coach Asshat”.

As wrong as I (might have been, the jury’s still out) about Coach Herm?  I was even more (no doubt about it) wrong about “Coach Asshat”.  God bless it, I freaking love Todd Haley.  Screw it, I LOVE Todd Haley.  I have a man crush the size of Australia on that guy.  I have rarely if ever been more wrong in my initial read on a person.  If ANYONE is going to have a two touchdown underdog prepped for war tonight, it’s Todd Haley.

Coach will have his boys ready to fight.  So tonight, if you’re watching from a couch in WyCo, a bar in Waldo, pacing the floor in Raytown (hey, that’s me!), or rubbing in the upset of a lifetime in beautiful Gering, Nebraska, make some noise.  Believe in this team.  Do they deserve that belief, that trust?  Probably not.

But what the hell.

Next week is the fail-safe, Chiefs fans.  Win or lose tonight, next Sunday is the line in the sand.  And I hope and trust each and every one of you will be out there to play some beer pong come 5pm next Sunday night.  (Or, if I get my way, “vodka tonic pong”). 

Until then, enjoy this week.  My “favorite post of the year” is coming at some point later this week, and man, does this thing keep getting longer every year.  Which is a very good thing.  Eat some turkey, or (in my family’s case) eat some lasagna, plow through the Franzia and cheesecake, and …

You know what?  Screw it.

Chiefs (+14 ½) 30, at Patriots 27, on a 29 yard Ryan “Mr. Irrelevant” Succup field goal as time expires.  I still believe in this team.  When this game ends, I hope they give you a reason to push the chips to the middle of the table, push the chair back, stand up, pull the sunglasses down, and say “gentlemen, I’m all in”.  Or at least an excuse to show up next Sunday night, as for the first time since my 21st birthday, the NBC crew is in town to broadcast a game.  (And no matter WHAT happens, it cannot POSSIBLY be worse than what happened that cold January day in 1998.)  

Because playoff-caliber teams that switch to a no-name quarterback who’s never started a game before are screwed, right?  No chance, right?

(looks across the sideline to see tonight’s opponent …)

Oh, wait a second.  The 2001 Patriots did that.  How’d that switch work out for them?

(cue Adam Vinatieri drilling a 47 yarder as time expires as the Superdome in arguably the greatest Super Bowl ever staged ...)

week 11 non chiefs picks

(sk: the embed didn't work, but click on the "watch on youtube!" link.  The video is not only my 2nd favorite scene from my favorite episode of "The OC" ... it kinda reveals how I feel right now, to set the scene for the Chiefs pick ...)


Last Week ATS: 8-8-0.

Season to Date ATS: 71-57-5.

Last Week SU: 8-8-0.

Season to Date SU: 69-64-0.

Last Week "Screw You Pete King" Pick: winner! Screw You, Pete King!

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" ATS: 5-4-1.

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" SU: 2-8-0.

This Week's "Screw You Pete King" Pick: Vikings (+1 1/2) over raiders. It's simple: whatever team Ol' Pete verbally fellates in his Midweek Report, I'm taking the opponent to win in a blowout.

This Week's Non-Monday Night Games:

* at tebows (+4 1/2) 24, Jets 20. Of course both teams I root for are going to lose to the tebows in a five day stretch. Jesus must really hate me.

* Bengals (+7) 27, at Ravens 23. You figure this Baltimore team out, because I sure as hell can't.

* Jaguars (+2) 31, at Browns 20. If the Jags win this one, the AFC South suddenly becomes very intriguing.

* at Lions (-7) 45, Panthers 13. Lions better stop the bleeding this week -- Green Bay is on tap, on a short week to boot.

* at Packers 30, Bucs (+14 1/2) 20. If the Packers are the second coming of the 2003 Chiefs (and they are), the collapse is about to begin.

* Bills (+2 1/2) 41, at Dolphins 10. Bills have to win this one if they have any hopes of playing past New Year's Day.

* at Vikings (+1 1/2) 31, raiders 0. You trust carson palmer on the road? At a tough road venue to boot?

* Cowboys (-7) 38, at Redskins 3. How's that post-elway career workin' out for you mike? Still sh*tty? Good.

* at 49ers (-9) 31, Cardinals 20. Could be a letdown game, but there's no way Arizona's winning outright.

* Seahawks (+2 1/2) 3, at Rams 0. Your "Good Times Game O' The Week"! Dy-no-mite! No, more like damn, damn, damn!

* at Falcons (-6) 24, Titans 10. Proven veteran team, at home, with its season on the line. I'll lay the 6.

* at Bears (-4) 38, Chargers 14. In light of the Gary Pinkle news, I'll ask it: does Norv Turner coach drunk?

* Eagles (+4 1/2) 34, at Giants 31. I refuse to believe the Eagles are this bad, or the Giants are this decent.

The Chiefs "Oh Sweet Jesus We Are Getting ROLLED This Week ... Or Are We?" Prediction:

Coming tomorrow. Until then, eu-freaking-reka (Chiefs!)  Eu-freaking-reka!  And turn this music off, it's depressing ...

manana

Every non-Chiefs week 11 prediction, and possibly the Chiefs / Patriots prediction.  I have to be honest -- common sense says we lose 44-3.

And yet, I can't shake the fact that every time we play these guys, it is far, far closer than it has any right to be.  Consider the last six times we've played each other:

1. The opener in 2008, when we lost on the last play of the game.

2. The Chiefs win on Thanksgiving weekend in 2005, when it took 3 INTs by "Cut" greg wesley to pull it off.

3. The Monday Nighter in 2004, when we should have lost by 50, and had the ball with a chance to tie at the two minute warning.

4. The great "What If" of the Vermeil era, when Priest scored as time expired in 2002, and we opted to go for one and overtime, instead of two and the win.  (For what it's worth ... I still agree with that decision.)

5. The Monday Nighter in 2000, when Grbac's final throw into the end zone was dropped by Tony G as time expired.

6. The "Holy Sh*t, What the F*ck Just Happened Here?!?!" moment of a lifetime in 1999, when Adam Vinatieri had a 23 yard field goal as time expired to win ... and SHANKED it left.  I sat in section 109 that day.  I had a perfect view of the kick.  To this day, I have no damned idea how he missed it.

There is not one logical reason to believe the Chiefs can win this game.

Which is probably why I honestly believe we can.  But no matter what, if our "good friends" from the NFC North take care of business at home?  We still control our own destiny after this game.

You gotta love the worst division in NFL history.  Congrats: you're off the hook, 2010 NFC West and 1989 AFC Central ...

the abortion at arrowhead: the reaction

"Just a small town girl,
Living in a lonely world.
He took the midnight train going anywhere ..."

Let me open the recap, by giving credit where it's due, and that's to the denver broncos.  They came into the sacred grounds of Arrowhead Stadium on Sunday, and absolutely boat-raced my beloved Chiefs.  Sometimes, your best isn't good enough.  Sometimes, your enemy wins the battle.

But I'll be damned if I'm conceding the war.  Not to those f*ckers.

"Just a city boy,
Born and raised in south Detroit.
He took the midnight train going anywhere ..."

I am fully aware Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel is done-zo for the season.  I am fully aware we will be starting Tyler "Shane" Palko for the foreseeable future.  I'm aware that Cassel is the fourth major cog of this team to be lost for the season, joining Tony Moeaki, Eric Berry, and Jamaal Charles.

And all I could think about this morning, when figuring out whether to recap this abortion of a defeat or not ... and no, I'm not recapping it, at least not tonight ... all I kept coming back to ... was the final moments of one of my favorite shows of all time.

"Made in America", the finale of the Sopranos.

How dark, depressing, hopeless everything looked entering those final four minutes.  The war with the New York crew had ended horrifically, with Bobby dead, Silvio full of bullets, and Tony sleeping with a shotgun cocked and ready to fire in a safehouse.  Carlo ready to testify, and of all people, Meadow ready to marry Patsy Parisi's kid.  Patsy now on a level playing field with Tony.  It's ridiculous.  It's insane.

It's life.

"A singer in a smoky room.
The smell of wine and cheap perfume.
For a smile they can share the night,
It goes on and on and on and on ..."

And then comes that moment, with four minutes left in the series history, when Tony chooses the next song to play, and the bell on the door rings, and suddenly you realize, it's gonna be ok.

Chiefs fans?  It's gonna be ok.

"Strangers, waiting,
Up and down the boulevard,
Their shadows searching in the night ..."

We will survive this.  Are we going to lose Monday night?  It's highly likely.

And we're still highly likely to only be one back in the division, with tiebreaker over the team we're chasing.

Setting up the Showdown of the Season, in prime time, next Sunday, against the (at least on this site) HATED Pittsburgh Steelers.  Our nemesis from the 1990s, a team that Clark Judge famously (at least on this site) described as "using the Chiefs as their own personal urinal" after we lost 45-7 to them in 2006.

We haven't lost to them sense.

And we're not going to now.

"Streetlights.  People.
Living just to find emotion,
Hiding somewhere in the night ..."

I am NOT giving up on this season.  If that makes me crazy, well ... Jesus, what took you so long to figure that out?  I mean, really?  You're calling me crazy over THIS, over believing that Tyler Palko won't play worse than Matt Cassel has, over believing in this coaching staff, over believing in the team that has no business being one game out of first place, making up that one game?  THAT'S where you draw your line in the "Stevo's Crazy!" sand?!?!

"Working hard to get my fill.
Everybody wants a thrill.
Paying anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time ..."

Hell yes, I'm rolling the dice "one more time".  This team has NOTHING to lose from this point forward.  Every victory is a pleasant surprise, every defeat is a non-shocking occurance.

"Some will win, some will lose.
Some are born to sing the blues.
Will the movie never end?
It goes on and on and on and on ..."

We've been here before folks.  Five years ago.  A backup quarterback noone had faith in starting for us.  A loss to a horrific football team, coupled with a loss to a hated divisional rival, that all but eliminated the Chiefs from playoff contention.

I ask you, how did the Immaculate Fourfecta work out?

"Strangers, waiting.
Up and down the boulevard,
Their shadows searching in the night ..."

My favorite moment from this final scene of the Sopranos ... is actually right after AJ sits down at the table.  And I say this as someone who gets chills the second the door rings at the :52 mark, and Carmela enters Holsten's to begin the march to the "wait, what just happened here?!?!" finale.  When Tony and Carmela try to encourage AJ about the crappy job he's got, and he notes:

"Streetlights, people.
Living just to find emotion,
Hiding somewhere in the night ..."

in my favorite moment of my favorite scene of the series:

"Right.  Focus on the good times."

Wait.  What?

Or in Tony's words, "don't be sarcastic!"
And AJ's reply, "Isn't that what you said one time, to focus on the times that were good?"

There's still a lot of good to focus on, Chiefs fans, not the least of which is that if the floor falls out during these last seven games, you Suck4Luckers might get, uuh, lucky.  (Although probably not, like a typical "I live in mommy's basement" blogger who advocated the campaign from the start.)

Focus on the good times.  Next Sunday is going to ROCK folks.  We're doing deep fried turkeys, and only God knows what else.  For Green Bay, we're doing a fish fry with Ray and his crew.  And for oakland ... come on, it's oakland, we're gonna vandalize cars and steal sh*t.  (I kid, I kid, for any law enforcement officials reading this).

This season's not over yet.  Ask the 2001 Patriots how replacing a mediocre QB with a dude who's never started a game before can work out for you.  Ask the 2006 Cowboys how that can work out for you.  Ask the 2002 Jets, the 2006 Chargers, the 1994 Nebraska Cornhuskers, led by the freshman walk-on from Wahoo, Matt Turman.  I'm pretty sure all of us who love Husker football, were perfectly fine with having to start a freshman walk-on at a top 10 program in KSU that October, after Tommie Frazier had clotting issues, and Brook Berringer had shoulder issues.

"Don't stop believing!
Hold on to that feeling!
Streetlights!  People!  O-o-oh!"

Don't stop --"

And if I'm wrong?  If this season is over, and we have no hope or chance left of salvaging at least a 30-7 ass whipping in the wildcard round?

Ask the 2006 denver broncos how well changing quarterbacks down the stretch can work out for you.  (stevo voice) as always: f*ck you denver.  F*CK YOU!

the abortion at arrowhead: initial reaction

"Christ, you know it ain't easy!
You know how hard it can be!
The way things are going,
They're gonna crucify me ..."

-- The Beatles, "The Ballad of John and Yoko" ...

--------------------

Let me begin, by stating up front, congratulations to the denver broncos, to their players, their organization, their front office, and their fans, who showed up in full force yesterday.  They whipped our ass eight ways from Sunday, and earned that victory yesterday.

Perhaps the most sickening feature of a day that so leveled me, that (according to the chick at the CVS Minute Clinic) I am currently running a 102 degree fever and haven't been able to hold a thing down in over 24 hours*, perhaps the most disgusting thing from yesterday was at the end of the game, as thousands of die-hard denver fans stuck around, congregated in the west end zone (where I sit), and high-fived their team after that win.  I think every die-hard denver fan in attendance was down there.  Certainly no die-hard denver fan walked out until there were zeroes on the clock.  (Because if they did?  They ain't a die-hard fan.  Sorry, but that's reality -- there isn't a shot in hell I'd leave a Chiefs win at fake mile high until the clock had been bled dry.)

(*: and yet somehow, I was at my desk at 8am this morning, and completed a full day of work without the need for an IV and/or other assistance.  You're not the only one stunned at reading the previous sentence.)

As the clock struck "midnight" yesterday, I turned to Ray, shook his hand, we warmly wished each other a great Thanksgiving, promised to be there in two weeks, when "The Palkos" make their home debut against the surging Steelers, and walked up the aisle.

Nearly 30 hours later, after a couple bottles of wine and consuming a product that ensures I'd flunk any legitimate drug test for the next couple weeks (it rhymes with "need", as in, "I definitely needed it last night, and thank God I had some available), we now are faced with our current reality, and it is this.

The Chiefs came home two weeks ago, with the path to the division title completely and totally there for the taking.  They leave fourteen days later, in the worst shape possible.

If it is possible for a team one game back with seven to play, with tiebreaker over the team it's chasing, to be drawing dead, then this Chiefs team is pretty much "drawing dead".  And I am sure a large collection of Chiefs fans are now saying "Stevo, you're a freaking idiot for refusing to back "Suck4Luck", for refusing to embrace tanking the season for draft positioning (even now), and for refusing to see this season is over."

And my response to that is simple.  Yes, this season for all intents and purposes, is over.  "Amazing Grace" is playing over the loudspeaker, and the pallbearers have lined up next to the coffin.  If you choose to embrace the tank-it mentality, if you choose to reject that this season is salvageable, I won't argue with you, I won't criticize your belief, I will simply say this:

In the words of Colonel Hannibal Smith, "the two people who will never believe the reports of your demise, are the person who loves you ... and the person who hates you."

(Then again, Colonel Smith also once famously noted, "it's always darkest just before it goes pitch black".  Uuh, I think after the news about Matt Cassel today, that yesterday was darkest?  Because I REALLY don't want to see what "pitch black" is, if starting Tyler Palko isn't it.)

I know it sounds ridiculous.  I know it sounds insane.  But why CAN'T this flawed team still win this division? What, is Tyler Palko THAT big of a downgrade from Matt Cassel?  I mean, really?  Is he even an actual downgrade?  Seems to me Palko had one possession yesterday, moved the ball fairly effectively (save for the MORONIC playcall with :28 to play, and that is NOT on Palko, that is 110% on "Coach Asshat", who (triumphantly?) made his asshat-ish return to the sideline yesterday), and did exactly what you ask the backup to do: put you in position to steal a victory you have no business winning.  Again, Chiefs fans, we've watched Matt Cassel play this year, or at least "play", I refuse to believe a starting quarterback wearing the precious Red and Gold is that incompetent.  I ask you, is Tyler Palko REALLY a step back?

(And to the "tankers" ... if he IS a step back, is that a bad thing?)

The 2011 season has now, finally, officially, reached "nothing to lose" status.  If the Chiefs crap out in their last seven games?  We're drafting in the top five come April.  If Tyler Palko revives a comatose offense?  We're picking 21st at worst, and have an intriguing quarterback competition next August.

And if we're somewhere in between?  We land the quarterback I want the most out of anyone available in next spring's draft, Boise State's Kellen Moore.

The Chiefs, from this moment forward, officially have "nothing to lose".  And I'm surprisingly ok with it.

"Christ, you know it ain't easy / you know how hard it can be".  Yes, yes we do, beginning a little under seven days from right now, at Foxboro.  The last two times the Chiefs have traveled to New England, the Patriots were coming off a Super Bowl appearance and/or win.  They were huge underdogs.  And lost in overtime (2002), and on the final play of the game (2008).

I'll take my chances.  (Game thoughts, tailgating recap, and other assorted oddities coming tomorrow.  Assuming I can shake this insane flu bug that has knocked out at least two people from our tailgating group yesterday.)

Because as the person who loves this team, I refuse to believe the report(s) of its demise ...

week ten: a time to

“I wouldn’t last a single day,

I’d probably just fade away,

Without you?  I’d lose my mind.

Before you ever came along,

I was living life all wrong,

Smartest thing I ever did, was make you all mine …

Crazy Girl!  Don’t know you that I love you?

I wouldn’t dream of going nowhere!

Silly woman, come here let me hold you!

Have I told you lately,

I love you like crazy girl!”

-- “Crazy Girl” by the Eli Young Bang.  (pause).  Yes, THAT Eli Young Band …

----------------------------------

Last Week ATS: 7-7-0.

Season to Date ATS: 63-49-5.

Last Week SU: 6-8-0.

Season to Date SU: 61-56-0.

Last Week "Screw You Pete King" Pick: whiff!

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" Pick ATS: 4-4-1.

Season to Date "Screw You Pete King" Pick SU: 1-8-0.

This Week's "Screw You Pete King" Pick: raiders (+7) over Chargers.

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets "See What Sticks on the Wall" Approximations:

* raiders (+7) 24, at Chargers 14.  Last week, certified asshat and alleged NFL expert Pete King of SI predicted the Chargers to beat the Packers because "they will hold the Aaron Rodgers' to 8 or 9 possessions".  Because I DESPISE Pete King, let's examine that prediction.

The Chargers possessions, per Pete King's employer:

1. Start at GB 37, 10:26 1st Qtr.  Result: Touchdown.  7-0 GB.

(The next TWO San Diego possessions end in TaINT's by Phyllis Rivers.  It's 21-7 GB before Aaron Rodgers takes a snap again).

2. Start at GB 22, 14:02 2nd Qtr.  Result: Failed 4th Down Attempt.

3. Start at GB 26, 5:40 2nd Qtr.  Result: Touchdown.  28-10 GB.

4. Start at GB 20, 14:53 3rd Qtr.  Result: Field Goal.  31-10 GB.

5. Start at GB 27, 1:51 3rd Qtr.  Result: Touchdown.  38-17 GB.

6. Start at GB 32, 11:31 4th Qtr.  Result: Touchdown.  45-17 GB.

(onside kick, recovered by the San Diego "Blooper" Chargers)

7. Start at GB 8, 6:19 4th Qtr.  Result: Punt.  45-31 GB.

8. Start at GB 4, 2:59 4th Qtr.  Result: Punt.  45-38 GB.

9. Start at SD 6, :14 4th Qtr.  Result: ballgame.

So ... kudos to Ol' Pete, for accurately predicting the Chargers could hold the Pack to "8 or 9 possessions".  But Pete?  Pal?  Amigo?  Descomisado?  When those 9 possessions result in 31 points, AND you give away 14 more when you have the ball, just because you can?  You're not winning the game.  So for this week's artist formerly known as the "Upset of the Week", I'm taking Pete's beloved Chargers to piss away a layup win at home tonight.  In the bastardized words of Dan Dierdorf from that magical Monday night in denver seventeen years ago: "Poor Pete.  His team does everything ... but win!"

* at Dolphins (-4) 12, Redskins 0.  Show those teeth, shanarat.  Show those teeth!  Yeah, that's the look!  Wow, look at that tail sprouting out of your ass to boot!  Embrace the rat, shanarat!  Embrace the rat!!!

* Jaguars (-3) 31, at Colts 10.  One game has to earn the designation every week, it might as well be this one.  HIT IT!  (cue the "cheezy 70s sitcom" theme song)  Good Times!  Anytime you need a payment.  Good Times!  Anytime you need a friend.  Good Times!  Anytime you're out from under.  Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.  Keeping yo head above water!  Making a wave when you can!  Temporary layoffs?  Good Times!  Easy credit ripoffs?  Good Times!  Scratching and surviving?  Good Times!  Hanging in a chow line?  Good Times!  (wait for it ... wait for it ...) Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  (na na na na na) GOOD TIMES!!!! 

* at Falcons (+1) 34, Saints 31.  My vote for Game of the Day before said games are actually played.

* at Bengals (+3 1/2) 24, Steelers 21.  All TCU QBs do is win.  Which is the 100 percent OPPOSITE of what occurred when I graduated from that fine academic institution (gulp) thirteen years ago come December 19th.

* at Bears 28, Lions (-3) 27.  Honestly feels like a 27-24 Chicago win ... and push with the spread.

* at Browns 4, Rams (+3) 0.  Another game I wouldn't lay $0.01 on.  And yes, I think the only scoring will be two safeties.  Which reminds me, if you're watching this game, and are the legal, law-abiding owner of a firearm, make sure the safety switch is set to "ON".  Wouldn't want you accidentally pulling the trigger out of anger at watching this game.

* at Cowboys (-5 1/2) 45, Bills 10.  I'd call this Tony Romo's Coming Out Party, but now that he's married to a chick ...

* at Eagles (NL) 49, Cardinals 3.  Guessing the NL is due to Kevin Kolb's status.  Like it matters worth a damn.

* Ravens 28, at Seahawks (+6 1/2) 24.  12th man my hairless white ass.

* Giants (+3 1/2) 24, at 49ers 20.  So glad to have this rivalry be meaningful again.  Now let's get Pack / 49ers back to a national, "no matter what, this is in primetime" status, and we're talking.

* Titans (+3) 21, at Panthers 14.  Can we now officially, finally, recognize what a SHAM, what an abject JOKE, the National Collegiate Athletic Association is?  A couple Ohio State players trade THEIR memorabilia for tattoos?  Five game suspensions.  A quarterback's father shops him to the highest bidder?  Multi-day ESPN ("good ol' jr" jim ross voice) "MY GOD! THE CARNAGE!" outrage.  A coach raping 10 year old boys in the locker room shower?  How does the NCAA react to that?  (silence ... crickets chirping ... ooh, look, isn't that Kelvin Sampson texting a player fifteen minutes before it's permissable!  Quick, summon Dan Beebe to launch an investigation!!!) 

I have said it before, and I will say it again: the National Collegiate Athletics Association is THE biggest joke in America today.  If anyone in our country should be facing daily accusation of “running a plantation”, its Mark Emmett and his overseers in Indianapolis.

* at Packers 28, Vikings (+12 1/2) 21.  Will be far closer than anyone anticipates.  At the risk of shooting my load too early (cue dusty with the "wouldn't be the first time!" wise guy response), don't this year's Packers kinda, sorta look like the 2003 Chiefs?  They can score at will ... and they can't stop anyone.  Trust me Packers fans -- this isn't going to end well.

The Jets Best Guess:

at Jets (-2) 28, Patriots 20.  Its denver week.  No need to waste words on Gang Green.  At least this week.

The Chiefs Section of these Prepared Remarks:

As I think I’ve mentioned, but if I haven’t, then here goes: I went and saw the “Footloose” remake the day it came out.

And sitting there in the theater watching it with “The Ex”, something hit me, particularly in the scene where Ariel and Ren and Rusty andWillard hit up the country club for a night of dancing.

This is fun.

(That, and Ren’s response to Willard that sadly is censored in the linked YouTube! clip, will have you laughing out loud.  “It’s country line dancing.  It’s a white guy’s wet dream!”  Brought the theater down.  And yes, “Fake ID” by Big and Rich is on the iPod play list for Sunday.  Although like Willard, I can’t dance, and I rarely try to.  Unless “Shout” comes on.  (And it will at some point.)  Then it’s on.  “A little bit softer now … a little bit softer now … a little bit louder now … a little bit louder now …)

That … is how I feel about the Chiefs and broncos.  Do I hate the broncos?  Yes, yes I do.  I DESPISE them.  I’m that guy who as recently as a week ago, noted that “if terrorists blow up the o.co this week, it’s not a national tragedy – it’s cause for a national celebration”, as I note every year when denver and oakland face off.

I hate the denver broncos.

But God bless it, games against them are FUN.

Because isn’t that what the NFL, what football, what sports, what life itself, is supposed to be?  Enjoyable?  Entertaining as hell?

Fun.

Sunday, win or lose, rain or shine, I intend to have fun.  My tailgating group will be there before the gates open (and they’re opening early, according to my “source who spoke on condition of anonymity”, at 8am, so plan accordingly).  We’ll save you however many spots you need, just let us know you’re coming.

Sunday, we’re going to have fun.  There will be Chiefs fans there, sure, but we’ll also have die-hard Steelers fans, donkeys fans, and I’m told a Texans fan.  I didn’t know those existed*, but hey, whatever’s clever!

(*: I kid.  I’ve rarely been as blown away by a NFL Sunday as I was in Houston four years ago.)

We’ll laugh.  We’ll live.  We’ll booze it up.  We’ll tailgate.  We’ll root like hell for the team we’re cheering for.

And we’ll have FUN.

Because that’s what this is supposed to be – fun.  Yes, I know few people live and die with the Chiefs every action more than me.  And do you know what that is?  Because while the lows suck chunks … the highs are so damned enjoyable that it’s just … fun.

Sunday, let’s have some fun.

(pausing … pausing …)

Hey, I almost fell for it too.

Fun?  Did I really just say Sunday is about having “fun”?  Yeah, right, sure.  Sunday is about having fun.

It’s about one thing, and one thing only.  And that is whipping denver’s ass eight ways from Sunday, up and down the field.  It’s about injured donkeys being carted off, slowly and steadily, giving every fan in the lower bowl a chance to chuck a hot dog, a coke, a beer at them, ala the “hugh millenated game” in 1994.  (I still argue the cart driver that day deserved a lifetime contract from the Hunt’s for his brave, heroic actions.)

It’s about BURYING any and all hopes the denver broncos have of salvaging this season.  It is about ending timmy tebow’s career before it can get started.  (And I’m not joking on this one.  I know I’m in the vocal minority … but I think tebow can dominate at the pro level.  Let’s get him the f*ck out of denver before they figure that out.)

It’s about keeping up with whoever wins tonight’s “Slappers War”* at the Q between the faders and “blooper” chargers.  It’s about maintaining the momentum, the season establishing purpose, winning four of five has brought to this team.

(*: if you never played the original 007 game, you got to at least once play “slappers” mode.  That damned game tanked my GPA from an outstanding 3.6 to a 2.2 almost overnight.  OK, fine, the booze and the weed didn’t help … but I blame the video game.  That’s what religious conservatives do, right?  Blame the social media, not the dumb f*ck parents who refuse to parent?  I’m doing the same thing!  Yay me, being all conservative-y today!)

Sunday is about fun, sure … but ONLY if the Chiefs win.  Because that’s the ONLY way Sunday is fun.  Look it, I am disgusted, absolutely DISGUSTED, at allowing donkey fans in my midst on Sunday.  I don’t have much of a choice.  DJ did marry her, after all.  But for this game?  It’s definitely “Katie’s friend”. 

But more than that, I hauled out the “Footloose” reference, not just because I think hating your mortal enemy is fun (it is!), and not just because I’m currently listening to a song off the soundtrack as I type this (Iam!) … but because the scene with Ren addressing the City Council is EXACTLY what I feel about this game.

This is OUR time.

There WAS a time and a place for you, denver.  But not anymore.

Not anymore.

This is OUR time.  In OUR house.  With first place and a home playoff game potentially on the line.

As Ren noted in his classic scene addressing Reverend Moore and the City Council, as David Crosby noted in the Byrds’ classic song, there is a time for everything.

There is a time for love.

And there is a time for HATE.

Sunday, hate’s time has come*.

(*: only in the verbal form.  Don't be stupid.  Taunting?  Fine.  Punching?  I'll throw right back with ya, and I'll have an army behind me.  I might hate denver, its fans, and everything about the organization, but the hate stops at the mouth ... and occasionally the finger on the keyboard.)

at Chiefs (-3) 42, broncos 20.  And once we demolish what denver has to offer, then we can begin to discuss the ending of said verse, the ending of said song.  “A time for peace”.  Only on denver’s unconditional surrender.  Which we’re getting in a little over 72 hours …

its over when its over, part dos

“It’s the first snap,

Of the last straw,

Where regrets outlast

The alcohol.

It’s a cold sweat,

In an empty bed,

And your dreams are like a knife

When you’re hanging by a thread.

And know maybe we can make it,

If we just play the right cards …”

-- “It’s Over When It’s Over” by Eric Church, part dos …

-------------------------

And now, Part II of the “Wait, Stevo Just Sucker Punched Me?!?!” Post of the Year … and let me open it with one small (ok, possibly “mid”) sized commentary, and it is this:

It’s over when it’s over.

And this season?  Of promise, of hope, of a lifetime?

It’s over when it’s over.

So let me conclude said opening thoughts with this.  And back the iPod back two tracks.

“To this day? 

When I hear that song?

I see you standing there

On that lawn.

Discount shades,

Store bought tan.

Flip flops and

Cutoff jeans.

Somewhere between

That setting sun?

“I’m On Fire” and

“Born to Run”,

You looked at me?

And I was done.

Thought …

Just gettin’ started …

When I think about you?

I think about seventeen!

I think my old Jeep!

I think about the stars in the sky!

Funny how a memory,

Sounds like a melody,
Like a soundtrack to a
July Saturday Night …

Springsteen …”

I love this game, this week, more than any non-breathing part of my life.  (Yes, there are people I love more than donkeys week.  Shocking, I know, but still …)

“When you think about me?

Do you think about seventeen?

Do you think about my old Jeep?

Do you think about the stars in the sky?

Funny how a memory,

Sounds like a melody!

Like a soundtrack,

To a (November Thursday) night …

Springsteen …

Oh Sprinsteen …”

Coming below?  My AFC Midseason Predictions.  Coming Manana?  My Week Ten Predictions, with thoughts on Sunday’s Chiefs / broncos game as always.  Just know this:

When I think about this game?  When I think about how much this game, this moment in time means to me?

I don’t think about the game.  I think about the people I share it with. 

And if that means the unthinkable going forward?  That a donkeys fan(s) is in our midst?  That we accept the enemy into our group as anything BUT the enemy?

(wait for it …)

“Springsteen”.


(yes, the awful, offkey male is me.  DEAL WITH IT!  if you'd been there for this concert, you'd have the same one word reaction i have.  (wait for it ...)  springsteen.  having said that ...)

(yeah, no CLUE how I’m topping THIS tomorrow … but tune in to find out …  (quaqmire voice) giggity giggity ... giggity goo.)

-----------------------------

Last night, I started to look at just how wretchedly awful the AFC is, and what the contenders (all 13 of them!!!  OK, ok, Cleveland is barely hanging on ...) have left.  And man, is it ugly for just about all of them.

Still, barring an outbreak of ties that would make the 1990s NHL jealous, someone has to win these games.  Someone has to make the playoffs.  Someone has to be offered up as the sacrificial lamb to whoever emerges from the NFC*.  So let's take a gander at how I see the AFC standing come late January.

(*: of course, any team can win, on any given Sunday.  But having said that, the ONLY AFC team I'd even contemplate taking against a NFC squad on the neutral Lucas Oil Field right now is Baltimore, and possibly Houston if someone other than Green Bay wins the NFC.)

AFC East:

Current Situation: a three team tie at 5-3.  Each contender is currently 1-1 against the other.  Each still has one game left against the other two, starting this Sunday night at the Fake Meadowlands, when the Patriots and Jets square off.

In the Division's Favor: all three teams appear to be solidly constructed teams capable of winning on any given Sunday.

Against the Division's Favor: the Pats and Jets still have roadies to Philly coming up.  The Bills still have a roadie to Dallas (this week).  The Jets and Giants square off on Christmas Eve. 

Wildcard Factor: the division might come down to whether the Pats and Jets can handle the Redskins in Washington in mid-December.  The Bills already took care of business against the Skins (and the Eagles).  Pats and Jets have to split their NFC East roadies to get the upper hand over Buffalo.

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the New York Jets, at 10-6.  Their four toughest games left are all at home (albeit a split crowd for the Giants).  If they can take 3 of 4 (with one being New England), and beat Miami and Washington on the road, they should survive on tiebreakers.

Stevo's Pick to Just Miss the Playoffs: the New England Patriots, at 10-6.  That loss at Pittsburgh will prove fatal.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: the Buffalo Bills.  They have to win one of the four tough roadies (at Patriots, at Jets, at Chargers, at Cowboys) just to get to ten wins.  And that presumes they take care of business against Miami, Tennessee, and a surging broncos team.  Smells like a 5-2 fade to 8-8 to me.

AFC North:

Current Situation: even though the Bengals technically are in first place, the Ravens hold the upper hand, in that they've already swept the Steelers, and still have two left against the Bengals, including in Cincy to close the regular season.  The Steelers are essentially playing for a wildcard berth, and the Browns are hanging on by the barest of margins.

In the Division's Favor: they play the NFC West and AFC South, the two worst divisions top to bottom in the NFL.

Against the Division's Favor: Houston and San Francisco are both rock solid teams that will give the North contenders fits down the stretch, starting Thanksgiving Night in the Harbaugh Bowl.

Wildcard Factor: the Sunday nighters on the road against the AFC West might determine the division.  Pittsburgh is at Kansas City in three weeks; Baltimore is at San Diego in six weeks.  I

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Baltimore Ravens at 12-4.  They're by far and away the class of the AFC at this point, and nobody else is even close.

Stevo's Pick to Make the Playoffs: the Cincinnati Bengals at 11-5.  Split with Baltimore and Pittsburgh, and every other game is extremely winnable.

Stevo's Pick to Make the Playoffs II: the Pittsburgh Steelers at 10-6.  Solely and completely because they held on at home against the Patriots two weeks ago.  Sometimes, one game in November makes all the difference in the world.  (And man, will it this year ...)

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: the Cleveland Browns.  They're done.  I know their next two are at home against the Rams and Jags.  I don't care.  They're done. 

AFC South:

Current Situation: if the Houston Texans don't have this division clinched by December 11th, Gary Kubiak should be fired on the spot.  They're essentially 2 1/2 up with 7 to go.  Even the Chiefs held on in that spot last year.

In the Division's Favor: nothing.  They play the AFC North and NFC South, two divisions loaded with seven current playoff contenders (six if you dismiss Cleveland), and a "capable of beating anyone" Cam Newton led Panthers team.

Against the Division's Favor: everything.  The Titans haven't won in a month, the Colts haven't won in a year, and the Jaguars have embraced the youth movement (as well they should).  Again, if the Houston Texans have not clinched first place by December 11th, and a bye by December 19th, Gary Kubiak should be fired on the spot.

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Houston Texans, at 11-5.  I project a shocking upset loss at Jacksonville keeps the Texans from getting the one seed (they hold tiebreaker over the Ravens due to head-to-head victory).  Because if anyone can piss away home field advantage to a team that hasn't played a meaningful game since 2007, its the Gary Kubiak led Houston Texans.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: every other team in the division.  The Titans have lost three straight, the Colts haven't won since the calendar turned, and while I think the Jags have two massive upsets left in them, one of which will destroy the hopes of an AFC West team, they won't do better than 7-9 at best.

AFC West:

Current Situation: for the first time in NFL history, a three way tie for first exists at 4-4 ... and denver is surging fast at 3-5.  The Chiefs currently have the upper hand because ... well, only God knows why, but somehow, a team with the third worst point differential in the league would HOST the Ravens if the playoffs started today.  AFC FEVER BABY!!!

In the Division's Favor: in the words of Sunny Ledfurd, "not a god d*mned thing".  All four teams have a brutal late November / early December coming up, starting this week, with all divisional games that see rematches to end the season.

Against the Division's Favor: They face the NFC North and AFC East.  To say nothing of beating each other senseless inside the division (everyone still has three divisional games left).

Stevo's Pick to Win the Division: the Kansas City Chiefs, at 9-7.  What, you'd expect anything else?  I honestly think this division hinges on five outcomes, and my predicted outcome to each:

1. denver at Kansas City, week 11: this is denver's season, for all intents and purposes.  They lose this one, they cannot finish better than 3-3 in the division (and they'd likely have to run the table to close at 10-6 to have any postseason shot.  With a trip to Lambeau, a visit from the Patriots, and a trip to the Q still to come, good luck with that.)  For the Chiefs though, this one is almost as important, because they need to keep pace with the Chargers in the divisional column (Chiefs have tiebreaker, temporarily, due to conference schedule, provided they keep pace with the Norv's in the divisional column.)  Let's just say, this "Day I Live For" is bigger than most in recent years.

2. San Diego at Chicago, week 12 / Kansas City at Chicago, week 14.  Both teams will be underdogs, but both are more than capable of winning this game.  The teams are so close that if Chicago were hitting the road?  You'd probably make both KC and San Diego slight favorites, and lay the points.  I'm glad San Diego goes first -- it lets us know what we have to do.  I'm guessing we will have a GOLDEN opportunity in three weeks to gain a game on San Diego.

3. San Diego at oakland, week 17.  This week's game really is meaningless, because both teams have already beaten the Chiefs once, and have already won in denver.  The finale though?  Could be for all the marbles.  Would not surprise me at all if this winds up your week seventeen flexer.

4. Pittsburgh at Kansas City week 13 / Baltimore at San Diego week 15.  Once again, both favorites face the same exact position, two weeks apart -- Sunday nighters against the powerhouse teams of the AFC Central.  Gun to my head?  Both teams spring the upset -- the Chiefs usually play the Steelers tough, the Chargers season is likely on the line.  But I wouldn't bet the family farm on those outcomes.

But the reason I think the Chiefs steal the division at 9-7 on tiebreakers with the Chargers?  The game I've had circled for two months as the decider:

5. San Diego at Jacksonville, week 14.  Why, I can hear you asking, does THIS game matter?  Ask the Ravens what playing at Alltel in prime time is like.  The Jaguars demolished them on Monday night three weeks ago, and right now, as noted yesterday, the Ravens are the only AFC team I'd give a snowballs chance in you-know-where of staying within three of Green Bay or San Fran.  This is the upset that springs the Chiefs to the tiebreaker -- both KC and San Diego will finish 9-7, both will finish 5-1 in the division ... but KC gets to 8-4 in the conference, while San Diego finishes 7-5.  Sorry Norv.  Enjoy unemployment.

Stevo's Pick to Collapse: nobody.  If anyone will, its oakland ... but I honestly think all four teams will finish in the 9-7 to 7-9 range.  And I think we're looking at all four teams being packed together for a few seasons to come.  Just like the AFC West used to be.

So ...

Final Predicted AFC Field (and initial projections based on predicted AFC Field):

1. Baltimore Ravens 12-4.

2. Houston Texans 11-5.

3. New York Jets 10-6.

4. Kansas City Chiefs 9-7.

5. Cincinnati Bengals 11-5.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6.

AFC Postseason:

6 Steelers 28, at 3 Jets 10.  We've seen this scenario before ... Pittsburgh sneaks in on final day of the season, faces shakily quarterbacked team in divisional round ...

at 3 Chiefs 20, Bengals 13.  The best possible matchup for KC to draw.  Seriously.  Arrowhead will RATTLE Andy Dalton.

6 Steelers 17, at 1 Ravens 10.  We've seen this scenario before ... the last three years and counting in fact.  Steelers and Ravens in the playoffs.  Steelers move to 3-0 against these guys when it counts.

3 Chiefs 28, at 2 Texans 20.  Let me put it this way -- winnable road game, against shaky coaching, shaky quarterback play, and if you don't get why I predicted a Chiefs team to win in Houston in January 28-20, well, Google search January 16, 1994.  Let's just say, shakier Chiefs teams than this one have stunned the world down there when it counts.

Setting up:

6 Steelers at 3 Chiefs, AFC Championship, 2:30pm CT Sunday January 22, 2012.  Re-read every scenario just laid out above.  Re-run the schedules.  For those of you who think one ridiculous defeat in November to an awful Dolphins team (that I take FULL and COMPLETE blame for*) roo-eens the season?  Re-read every scenario just laid out above.  Re-run the schedules.

(*: The first three weeks of the season, I wore (in order) my Jamaal Charles Pro Bowl t-shirt (L vs Bills), my long-sleeved yellow Chiefs t-shirt (L at Lions), and my Puma Chiefs sweatshirt (now in it's 14th year of usage!) that saw the Chiefs lose late at San Diego.  For the Vikings game?  I changed to my grey Chiefs t-shirt I had never worn for a game before.  The Chiefs won.  I wore it again for Indy.  The Chiefs won.  Again for oakland, again for victory.  Then the ultimate gamble -- the Monday nighter against San Diego.  Believing in the "Power of the Grey", I absolutely wore it ... but because the game was at night, I had a dilemma: risk mixing it with proven "lovable loser" Puma Chiefs sweatshirt ... or break in the DT hoodie my mommy bought me a few weeks ago?  I broke in the DT hoodie ... and believe me, with :54 to go in that game, NOBODY blamed themselves more for the inevitable defeat to come, than me.  NOBODY.  Then ... FUMBLE!  RECOVERY!  And finally, VICTORY!

I left the hotel for the airport at 6:50am Sunday morning ... in my yellow Chiefs t-shirt.  I'd forgotten to pack the "Power of the Grey".  Chiefs fans, it is my fault, and my fault alone, that we lost that game.  I PROMISE you, come high noon on Sunday, I will be in the "Power of the Grey" ... and the DT hoodie if it's a little bit Nipsey Russell at kickoff.)

Again, call me crazy, call me what you will ...

(eric church voice) Springsteen ...

(stevo voice) Springsteen!