Saturday, September 14, 2013

mixology 2013: the cowboys game

Holy cow, is the home opener really upon us?

Suh-weet!

For those of you coming out tomorrow, we’ll be in our same bat place, on the same bat channel, but remember – different bat time!  We’re starting at 7am … and gates for everyone open at 7:30am.  If you need me to save a spot for ya?  I’ll happily plant a chair to mark your turf … and hand you a jello shot of your choice, when you arrive.

Because I need this release tomorrow.  I still haven’t decided which funeral I’m attending Saturday morning … but the fact that I have to choose?  I need this release.

That, and life is too f*cking short, to screw around with the trivial and the meaningless.

(But you’re still giving us the Mixology list, right?)

Hell yes I am.

Your (almost) finalized playlist for the home opener.  As always, if you have any requests, suggestions, or desires, you can hit up the comments section, hit me up on Twitter (@teamtito15), Facebook, or email (linked in the profile).

Enjoy!


The First Ballot, No Doubt About It, Mixology Legends:

* "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.  How did kickoffs exist, prior to 1981, without this classic to (dude behind jasson in 109 voice) "start us up!!!!"?

* "Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel Richie.  I pray -- I freaking PRAY -- come about 3:32pm tomorrow, this scene unfolds:

(stevo) (reaches bus).
(game) (chiefs 31, cowboys 21).
(everyone) (hugs / high fives all around).
(stevo) (hooks iphone up to speakers).
(stevo) (scrolls through mixology list).
(speakers) (begin playing music).
(stevo) (fist pumping, celebrating).
(speakers):

"What is happening here?
Something's going on, and it's not quite clear.
Somebody turn on the lights --
We're gonna have a party, starting tonight!!!

Oh, what a feeling!
When we're dancing on the ceiling!
Oh, what a feeling!
When we're dancing on the ceiling!"

* "Down With the Sickness" by Disturbed.  I'll deny it if it's ever raised ... but this is my favorite song on the Mixology list.  Nothing gets me more prepped for three hours of battle with the enemy, like the first "aw sh*t" to open this awesome effort.

* "Word Up" by Cameo.  Along with ...

* "Penny Lover" by Lionel Richie.  Mrs. Bus Man's two favorites.

* "North to Alaska" by Johnny Horton.  Mr. Bus Man's favorite.

* "Aww!  The denver broncos?!?!?!", from "The Simpsons".  You just don't understand football, if you don't love this twenty seven second clip.

* "One Toke Over the Line" by Brewer and Shipley.  It's my dad's favorite song of all time.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well of course it explains a lot about why I am, the way I am!

* "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.  "Made in America" replayed on HBO about three weeks ago.  It has been nearly six and a half years ... and I still haven't made up my mind, if Members Only dude offed Tony or not.  (I lean yes, for whatever that's worth.)

* "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe.  Always good at least twice a year for a solid seven minute drunken sing-along.  And yes -- it is the greatest country and western song ever written.  "Well I was drunk / The day my mom / Got out of prison ..."

* "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off" by Joe Nichols.  For Castro and his boys across the way.  And "The Crush", in my dreams (rimshot!)

* "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates.  I love Hall and Oates.  You got a problem with that?  

* "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins.  I can't believe I'm about to type this ... but I like the remake of this movie, better than the original.  And I still have an old, beat up VHS copy of the original, somewhere in my folks basement.

* "Drink in My Hand" by Eric Church.  Well duh.  The only question is, one ... or both, hands?

* "The More I Drink" by Blake Shelton.  "I get loud!  I get proud!  And it gets worse!"  Hell yes it does.

* "Black Betty" by Ram Jam.  I wish I could purge this craptacular classic ... but I am the Mixologist.  I have to give the tailgating faithful, what they want.  Why they want this craptacular tune, I have no idea ... but you people demand it, so I sacrifice my ears for four minutes, to give you what you want.  You're welcome.

* "Bye Bye Bye" by NSYNC.  OK, brief "Stevo rant" break here.  Why was anyone stunned at how much America enjoyed the reunion, and choreographing, of "Bye Bye Bye" at last month's MTV VMA's?  Some of us -- *cough me cough* -- still know every damned move to that song, thirteen years later.  And come on, watch the video -- when Timberlake looks up with that "yeah, you KNOW you want me look" after leaping off the ledge?  You GOTTA respect that.  Dude knows he can score anyone at that point, and he's flaunting it.  This might be one of my ten favorite songs of all time.  I know it's in my top 23.

* "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.  OK, God, I don't ask you for much ... but if you could flex our game on December 1st into the pimp NBC slot, so that the true value of this song can be felt by all of Arrowhead Nation, I'd consider it both my Christmas and birthday gift in once.  Thanks dude!  Your buddy, Stevo.

* "Rock and Roll Part II" by Gary Glitter.  I've been meaning to ask this for years: why is ANYONE surprised that a man named Gary Glitter, is a child molester?  I mean, Gary Glitter!  Of COURSE that's a name I'd associate with a kiddie rapist!

* "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.  My karaoke staple.

The Oldies (aka "Original Version Released Prior To the Greatest Day In Recorded Human History ... aka "My Birthday"):

* "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.  December 1st.  (archie voice ... if he was on Twitter): #weready  #weready  #weready  #foryall ...

* "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones.  Hang on, a couple more ...

* "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones.  At least one more ...

* "Get Off Of My Cloud" by the Rolling Stones.  With at least one more still to appear, in a different section.

* "Daydream Believer" by the Monkees.  Arguably the most awesome sneaky-good underrated song of all time.

* "Layla (original version)" by Derek and the Dominoes.  Along with ...

* "Layla (unplugged version)" by Eric Clapton.  I'm sorry, but until the day I die, I will never stop laughing every time I hear this version, and remembering "The Champ" had no clue, this was NOT the original.  #epicfail

* "Hotel California (hell freezes over version)" by the Eagles.  Last season, the final words were so damned fitting for this team.  "Relax, said the nightman / We are programmed to receive / You can check out any time you like / But you can never leave!"

* "Levon" by Elton John.  What can I say, I like it.

* "I Got a Name" by Jim Croce.  Speaking of songs I irrationally love ... because tell me, Chiefs fans, the third verse doesn't perfectly describe us right now:

"Like the fool that I am, and I'll always be?
I've got a dream!  I've got a dream!
They can change their minds, but they can't change me!
I've got a dream!  I've got a dream!

Oh I know I could share it if you want me to.
And if you're going my way?
I'll go with you!"

* "Stand By Me", cover by Otis Redding.  Still my favorite version of this classic.

* "Go All The Way" by the Raspberries.  Yes, please!

* "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent.  You've heard it, trust me.

* "Down on the Corner" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.  Along with ...

* "Up Around the Bend" by Creedence Clearwater Revival.  I can still be talked into "Fortunate Son".

* "My Back Pages" by the Byrds.  "I was so much older then; I'm younger than that now ..."

* "Hello Darlin'" by Conway Twitty.  Because at some point, we all need a distraction.

* "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" by the Animals.  I can still be talked into "The House of the Rising Sun".

* "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.  "Tricia Tanaka is Dead" is hands down, the most underrated, grousely and criminitely underrated, episode of "Lost", of all time.  It's so underrated, it's Zues in nature.

* "Shout", version by the Isley Brothers.  I promise -- if Otis Day's version from "Animal House" is ever available for purchase, this gets booted for that version.  (norm macdonald voice) Note to self: check iTunes tomorrow morning for Otis Day's version from "Animal House".

Oh -- and it's not a massage parlor, like you think it's a massage parlor.  

(At least two people will get that last line, and laugh for a solid five seconds.  You're welcome.)

* "What Is Life" by George Harrison.  He has one more still to come.

* "Long Cool Woman In a Black Dress" by the Hollies.  Yes, please!

* "Somebody to Love" by Jefferson Airplane.  From the "how clueless can people be sometimes" department ... I forget which of them it was, but either "Mr. Reason" or "bts" was in the aeropuerto in San Francisco, ran into Grace Slick ... and then asked "who is Grace Slick"?  (mgmt voice) Kids.  (Pause)  What?  (Pause).  Well of course "Kids" is going to be on the Mixology list!  There's at least three by MGMT upcoming!  Good God, patience, Mr. Stevo's Site Numero Dos Non-Existent Editor Dude!  Patience!

* "Age of Aquarius / Let the Sunshine In" by the Fifth Dimenson.  I can't be talked into it, but "Last Night I Didn't Get to Sleep at All", will perfectly describe me, tomorrow morning.

* "Float On" by the Floaters.  Let me ... take you ... to Loveland ...

* "Walk Away Renee" by the Left Banke.  This song gets to me, what can I say.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause)  Well f*ck yes, it's just been that depressing of a last thirteen months!

* "Let It Be" by the Beatles.  Along with ...

* "Hey Jude" by the Beatles.  My favorite Beatles song ("Across the Universe"), will not be appearing in Mixology.  Too depressing.

* "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison.  The growl / purr?  NEVER fails to make me lose it with laughter.  It's almost -- not quite, but almost -- as creepy / repulsive funny, as Conway Twitty singing about his "slow hands" and "easy touch".  And no, Mr. Non-Existent Editor Dude -- no need to interrupt me.  "Slow Hand" WILL be appearing shortly.

Country and Western Songs Released After The Greatest Day in Recorded Human History:
* "Get Your Shine On" by Florida Georgia Line.  Along with ...

* "Here's To The Good Times" by Florida Georgia Line.  Damn skippy, here's to the good times.  I might even be able to be talked into a round of beer pong tomorrow, I'm so fired up for this game.

* "Angel Eyes" by Love and Theft.  Without question -- (allard baird voice) without question! -- my favorite song released since at least late 2011.

* "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George "No Show" Jones.  I'm being serious here for a moment -- when / if this song pops up, I believe the entire tailgate should go silent, for the duration of the song.  I'm not joking.  Rest in peace to one of the greatest we'll ever be privileged to enjoy.

* "Luckenbach Texas", version by Kid Rock and Kenny Chesney.  OK, fine, this should have been included in the prior section.  Sue me.  No, really -- sue me.  I got nothing you can take, so fire away!

* "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley.  Along with ...

* "Ticks" by Brad Paisley.  Yes, please!

* "I'm Pretty Good At Drinkin' Beer" by Billy Currington.  Replace "beer" with "vodka / shiraz / SoCo on the rocks with a hint of lime", and ... hang on, let me check something here ... good God, it's been nearly a year since I hauled this voice out.  I have to do this properly.

Ladies and gentlemen, to describe what replacing beer with those other wonderful libation would mean for me, please welcome, the one, the only, Mr. Fred Dryer!!!!!

(sgt. rick hunter voice) "It works for me!"

Wow, how did I go this long into 2013 without hauling out the Rick Hunter line?  There's a non-existent editor about to get his ass fired for that grouse neglect of duty.

* "Toes" by Zac Brown Band.  I'd like to personally not thank the Miami Dolphins, for winning at The Ralph last December, ensuring that instead of going to south Florida to open November, the Chiefs go to Buffalo.  Thanks, Dolphins.  No, really -- you're the best.

* I Like It, I Love It" by Tim McGraw.  "I want some more of it!"

* "Am I The Only One" by Dierks Bentley.  No.  No you are not, sir.

* "Back In The Day" by Brantley Gilbert.  I cannot put into words, how much this song means to me.  But if you listen to it and follow along to the words ... you'll get it.

* "The Chicks Dig It" by Chris Cagle.  (Pause).  What?  (Pause).  Well of course the "it" is me!  You are seriously, Mr. Non-Existent Editor Dude, one more screw-up or idiotic question away, from being the latest casualty in Mr. Obama's War on the American Dream.

* "Slow Hand" by Conway Twitty.  Hands down -- the dirtiest, sleaziest song ever recorded.  "You want a man with a slow hand! / You want a lover with an easy touch! / You want somebody who will spend some time / Not come ... (do I ... do I ... I could use the K, like a convenience store, instead of the C ... no, no -- I gotta keep this at least NC-17!) ... Not come and go in a heated rush! / Baby?  Believe me -- I understand! / When it comes to love?  You want a slow hand!!!"  Mr. Conway Twitty everyone!!!

* "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.  Let's all hope this doesn't happen tomorrow.

* "Sinners Like Me" by Eric Church.  One of at least three personal anthems of my life.

* "What I Almost Was" by Eric Church.  "'Cause I thank God I ain't!  I thank God I ain't!  Yeah, I thank God I ain't!  What I almost was!"

* "Storm Warning" by Hunter Hayes.  I like it.  Sue me.

* "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean.  Along with ...

* "Tattoos On This Town" by Jason Aldean.  Damned right, "there ain't a corner of this hallowed ground, that we ain't laughed or played on".

* "You Look Good In My Shirt" by Keith Urban.  Yes, please!
* "All My Friends Say" by Luke Bryan.  Along with ...

* "Drunk On You" by Luke Bryan.  Along with ...

* "Country Girl (Shake It For Me)" by Luke Bryan.  Yes, please!

Rock Song Released After The Greatest Day In Recorded Human History:

* "Mixed Emotions" by the Rolling Stones.  I cannot explain it, and don't ask me to try to ... but this is my favorite Stones song.

* "Every Monday" by the Marvelous 3.  THE most criminitely, grousely, seriously underrated band of all time.  It is beyond Zues in nature, that they never hit it bigger than they did.  I know ESPN.com hoops blogger Eamonn Brennan, is nodding ferociously, at what I just said.

* "Modern Love" by Matt Nathanson.  Along with ...

* "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson.  Yeah, I'm playing fast and loose with the "rock" designation ... but good God, is this song good.  

* "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane.  My favorite song of all time.  Barely ahead of ...

* "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace.  In the interest of full disclosure?  This is what plays in my headphones, on the walk into Arrowhead.  "We are!  We are all innocent!  We are all innocent!  We are!  We are!!!!"

* "Somewhere In Your Wildest Dreams" by the Moody Blues.  Along with ...

* "I Know You're Out There Somewhere" by the Moody Blues.  Those are for Chris.  And in fond memory of Greg.

* "Work" by Jimmy Eat World.  "I can't say I was never wrong -- but some blame rests on you!"  Jesus (blanking) Christ, if that doesn't describe my feeling towards two people over these last thirteen months ...

* "I Hate Myself For Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.  Then THIS?  Does.

* "Boom!" by POD.  This should have been a Hall of Famer, to be honest.

* "Killer Queen" by Queen.  I can still be talked into "I Want It All" and "Bohemian Rhapsody".

* "What I Like About You" by the Kinks.  Yes, please!

* "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park.  When it comes to this season, and this franchise?  F*ck yes, please!

* "All or Nothing" by Theory of a Deadman.  Along with ...

* "Out of My Head" by Theory of a Deadman.  Yes, please!  (Wow, I'm using those two words, way too often today.)

* "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.  My offer to you, and your random Trivia Moment of the Day: if you show up tomorrow, and can tell me, without having cheated to look it up, what famous musician WROTE this song?  

I'll make you the best damned Bloody Mary, you'll ever have.

* "Save Me, San Francisco" by Train.  I have definitely been yes ... and I have definitely been "oh hell no!"

* "Downfall" by TRUST Company.  A fitting song to describe me.

* "Beautiful Day" by U2.  A fitting song, to describe tomorrow.  Provided it doesn't rain.  Because God forbid we get just one damned home opener that isn't under the weather.

* "Down" by 311.  This song has always had a very special meaning to me.  As my buddy Pickell would say: "put it this way" -- this song has always had, a very special meaning to me.

* "Go To Extremes" by Billy Joel.  (fidelity ad guy voice) why not?

* "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas.  YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE!  YOU'RE MY BOY!

* "Right Here, Right Now" by Van Halen.  "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!  Welcome to Arrowhead Stadium, the loudest stadium in the NFL!  I'm your host, Dan Roberts ..."

* "My Dirty Little Secret" by the All American Rejects.  I like this song.

* "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi.  Damned right it is.

* "Lido Shuffle" by Boz Skaggs.  Lido!  WHOA OH OH OH OH OH!!!

* "Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen.  Along with ...

* "Lucky Town" by Bruce Springsteen.  (Pause).  Yeah, there'll probably be a few more Boss additions, come 7am tomorrow morning.

* "It's Not Over" by Daughtry".  Hell no it's not -- it's week two for God's sake.

* "The Space Between Us" by DMB.  My favorite DMB song ... and I can be talked into about fifteen more, if the requests flow in.

* "Don't You Forget About Me", version by David Cook.  Along with ...

* 'The Time Of Our Lives" by David Cook.  More for Chris ... and hopefully this song, describes this 2013 season.

* "Sugar We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy.  But we're going down swinging, if it comes to that.

* "We Are Young" by fun.  Along with ...

* "Some Nights" by fun.  Y'all have no idea how much this song, has meant to me over the last year.

* "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw.  Of all the "anthems" of my life -- and there are three of them -- this one is truly, THE anthem.  

* "In Love With a Girl" by Gavin DeGraw.  Along with ...

* "Soldier" by Gavin DeGraw.  My favorite by him.  

* "Got My Mind Set on You" by George Harrison.  Told ya there was another one by him coming.

* "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye.  (Pause).  Yeah, it does speak for itself.

* "Addicted" by Saving Abel.  Love this track.

* "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder.  But not as much as I love this one.

The Best of the Rest:

* "Borderline" by Madonna.  I can't help it, I love this song.

* "Summer Love" by Justin Timberlake.  Along with ...

* "Like I Love You" by Justin Timberlake.  His best effort.

* "Shining Star" by the Manhattans.  "Honey you?  Are my shining star!"

* "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey.  Love both bands these guys fronted (Genesis and Earth, Wind, and Fire).

* "Open Arms" by Journey.  Please don't ask me why.

* "Super Freak" by Rick James (b*tch!)  Please ask me why!
* "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.  Along with ...

* "Fresh" by Kool and the Gang.  "She's fresh!  Fresh!  Exciting!  She's so exciting to me!!!"

* "Jump!  Jump!" by Kris Kross.  Please -- feel free to pour out an honorary 40, for whichever one of these dudes passed away last year.  Jump!  Jump! ... Jump!  Jump!

* "Let The Music Play" by Shannon.  I have nothing to say here.

* "Gin 'N Juice" by Snoop Dogg.  You have to love this song.  

* "Faded" by Soul Decision.  "Girl?  I'm faded, but I feel alright!  Thinkin' 'bout makin' my move tonight!"

* "YEAH!" by Usher, featuring Lil' Jon and Ludacris.  Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah?  Yeah!

* "F*ck You Gently" by Tenacious D.  "What's your favorite posish?  That's cool with me -- it's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you!"

* "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston.  There has to be at least one person who loves disco at every tailgate.  And please -- spare me the "wait a second -- "Saturday Night Fever" is your favorite movie of all time, so you're the disco lover!" bullsh*t.  I love "Fever" because that movie hits me in ways no other film ever has.  It's so damned good, it could have been set to rap, and I'd still call it my favorite movie of all time.

* "Tailfeather" by Nelly.  God above, I hate this song.

* "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys.  God above, I love this song.

* "Get It Like You Like It" by Ben Harper.  Along with ...

* "Shimmer and Shine" by Ben Harper.  Along with ...

* "Sexual Healing" by Ben Harper.  Along with ...

* "Burn One Down" by Ben Harper.  You pick the best one.

* "Piano Man", version by Colton Dixon (from American Idol).  I love this kid's version of this classic.  You will too, if it pops up.  (As always, I only manipulate the random playlist, if the Chiefs win, to pull up the victory song.  Otherwise, it's "fling it and see what sticks" random.)

* "No Diggity" by Blackstreet.  Play on, playa.  Play on, playa.

* "Maneater" by Hall and Oates.  Along with ...

* "Out of Touch, Out of Time" by Hall and Oates.  Along with ...

* "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates.  "It's a b*tch girl ..."

* "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.  How did a Mixology list ever exist, prior to 2002, when this song came out?

* "Flake" by Jack Johnson.  I can be talked into "The Horizon Has Been Defeated", or "Do You Remember" as well.

* "Remedy" by Jason Mraz.  I cannot be talked into "I'm Yours", however.

* "Time After Time", version by Javier Colon.  This one gets to me, big time.

* "In My Head" by Jason Derulo.  Neat little track to shake things up.

-------------------------------

That's the initial dry run list.  I'm sure more will be added tonight at the preparty on the deck ... and on the ride out in the morning.

As always, all requests are added -- just let me know what you want.

See ya tomorrow, for the start, of the best season in a very, very, very long time!!!

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