“O Holy Night!
The stars are brightly shining!
It is the night,
Of our dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world,
In sin and error pining --
‘Til He appeared,
And the soul felt its’ worth.
The thrill of hope!
A weary world rejoices!
For yonder breaks?
A new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees!
O hear the angels’ voices!
O night divine!
O night when Christ was born!
O night divine!
O night, O night divine! …”
-- “O Holy Night”.
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Last Week SU: 11-5-0.
Season to Date SU: 108-68-0.
Last Week ATS: 10-5-1.
Season to Date ATS: 100-69-7.
Last Week Upset / Week: nothing like losing twice.
Season to Date Upset / Week: 4-9-0 SU / 6-6-1 ATS.
This Week’s Upset / Week: there’s four I really like this week … so I’m going with the one that has absolutely zip, zero, nada impact on the Chiefs playoff chances whatsoever between two franchises I have tremendous respect for. (Because they both told St. Louis to go do something to themselves that is anatomically impossible.) “Super” Cardinals (+7) over Rams.
The Non-Jets, Non-Chiefs, Non “those people” Predictions:
* Redskins (-2) 34, at Cowboys 31.
* Lions (+2 ½) 31, at Ravens 20.
* 49ers (+3) 24, at Bears 23. “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at “Shane” Falcons (-3) 35, Vikings 24.
* at Bills (+9) 28, Patriots 20.
* at Titans 24, Texans (+6 ½) 21.
* at Jaguars (-9) 31, Colts 20. “Gordon Shumway Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Packers (+1 ½) 30, Bucs 20.
* at “Super” Chargers 27, Browns (+13) 24. “Good Times Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Panthers (+3 ½) 31, at Saints 27.
* at “Super” Cardinals (+7) 24, Rams 14.
* at raiders (-9) 41, Giants 13. “Empty Nest Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Eagles (-6) 34, at Seahawks 27.
* at Bengals (+5 ½) 28, Steelers 20.
The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:
If you’ve ever seen “The Devil’s Advocate”, you have to admit, it’s a pretty damned good movie * . And picking one scene that stands out above all others is tough (although most people would probably pick the final showdown between Keanu and Pacino, when Keanu’s Kevin Lomax finally figures out who Pacino’s John Milton really is. (“Oh, I have so many names. / Satan. / Ooh. Call me dad.”)
But mine actually is a part of a scene, during Eddie’s funeral at nearly the midpoint of the film, when Pacino walks into the Mass, and sticks his finger in the Holy Water. And instantaneously, it starts bubbling over, as it’s been defiled by pure evil. But that’s not why I love that moment so much. (And yes, that is the scene that I joke will happen when / if I ever step foot in Mass again. Hell, the whole cathedral will probably burn down around me, when that day comes.)
What I love about that scene, is that from that moment on, the heat is on Kevin, and he knows it’s only a matter of time before all the darkness explodes around him, before everything he’s spent a career hiding, dodging, ducking, and denying, is going to … well, let’s just say, Kevin begins living in fear for that inevitable moment when the late, great Warren Zevon’s biggest contribution to pop culture comes true:
That, readers, is what every person of power, stature, and a pair of balls, has to be feeling right now, in 2017 ‘Murica: absolute terror, fear, and sh*t staining terror, over what is about to hit the fan about them.
With that in mind … I give you this week’s contribution to The Klassy One’s segment of this post:
I think someone’s getting scared, that, in the words of President Obama’s spiritual advisor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright: “(the) chickens? Are coming home? To roost!”
(pacino in “the devil’s advocate” voice (1:46 mark of the linked clip)) Awfully hot in that court room, wasn’t it? What’s the game plan, Kevin?
(*: I’m not a big movie person; I much prefer a quality season of television to three hours in a darkened room. But if I had to pick ten movies -- and only ten -- that I could watch for the rest of my life, “The Devil’s Advocate” would easily make the cut.)
The Watching Party Plans:
Sadly, there will be some, as I am unable to make the quick getaway to the swamps of North Jersey this weekend, thanks to not being allowed to use PTO yet at work. (And note: this p*ssed me off royally. First ninety days, no PTO, which is fine; and besides, I already got to take a day I shouldn’t have been allowed to hike it back from Dallas four weeks ago. But Day Ninety? Is Tuesday, December 5th. Sonofa …)
I am sure we will be at The Second Parents. Given the forecast for Sunday (pushing 70!) as of now, we might even be on The Deck one final time this season.
When the schedule originally came out, I had planned to do four roadies: Houston, Dallas, the Jets, and those people. I couldn’t do Houston due to the new job; the Chiefs won. I did get to do Dallas (but not Debbie (rimshot!); the Chiefs lost. I can’t do the Jets due to the new job. Hopefully this is a good sign.
The Tailgating Plans:
There are no The Tailgating Plans, as this is not a Chiefs game I will be in attendance at. However, God willing, this is the last one I will miss this year. I already know I’ll make the next five … and yes, Chiefs fans, there will be at least five more after Sunday, at least four of them at home.
(I didn’t pick it … but this just feels like a Cleveland Browns victory this week, doesn’t it? I mean, the “Super” Chargers NEVER fulfill their promise. They ALWAYS sh*t the bed at least three times a season. This just feels so perfectly “Super” Charger-y, to lose to a team whose only win in the last two season was … against the “Super” Chargers, (wham! voice) last Christmas.)
The those people Celebratory Section:
3-8, L7, and if things go right on Sunday and Monday, those people will be mathematically eliminated from playoff consideration by the time we wake up Tuesday morning.
I have never enjoyed a those people season like this one. Each week, it’s like getting a Christmas gift early, because each week, they find new and humiliating ways to lose.
Your glory boy future quarterback? Crying like the b*tch he is on the sidelines.
Your glory boy general manager? Hasn’t truly nailed a draft pick since his first one, and let’s face it, not even I could f*ck up handing in the card that said “von miller, linebacker, Texas A&M”.
Your offensive coordinator? Gameplans so offensive he’s fired not even a year into his tenure.
Your head coach? Probably is a one-and-done. I mean, even Coach Baffoon got three games more than a season out of the Chiefs. Sh*t, even Coach Hobo won a freaking division with the Chiefs before he (thomas rhett voice) crashed and burned in Year Three.
Your fans? Reduced to speculating draft positioning.
And of course, the quote of the year, from DE derek wolfe: “it’s sad because now we stink and nobody respects us”. Again, derek -- you can't lose what you never had, and NOBODY with a moral conscience respects ANYTHING about your satanic franchise.
And yet somehow, they’re favored on Sunday.
I cannot wait to see how they make Jay Cutler look like a Pro Bowler. Or, excuse me -- how Jay Cutler makes them look like the Pro Bowler, they draft him to be, for them.
* at Dolphins (+1 ½) 45, those people 6.
“Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update:
Skipping for this week due to today’s tragic (yet inevitable) passing.
Goodbye to the Best:
Stevo’s Site Numero Dos’ (and especially its’ primary author -- hey, that’s me!) send our truly heart-felt condolences to the friends and family of the legendary Jim Nabors, most especially to his partner and eventual husband of over forty years.
I got the “breaking news” text as I was walking to lunch today, and I damned near cried on the spot.
If you have never been to the Indy 500, you have missed out on greatness. Because every year, the high point of the race weekend (and note: there are a sh*t ton of highs the three to four days you’re there … to say nothing of being high for those three to four days) was the Quadfecta that begins about twenty five, thirty minutes before the checkered flag drops.
First, the trumpeter playing “Taps”. If you ever want to feel chilled to your bones? Just be there in the stands as 300,000 plus people go dead silent for the thirty, forty seconds the soloist plays. I mean, you can truly hear a pin drop. It’s amongst the most emotional things you’ll ever witness at a sporting event. I highly recommend it.
Last of course, comes the command to start your engines, given by the ageless Mari Hulman George.
Last year, we lost the second portion of the festivities, with the tragic passing of Florence Henderson. “God Bless America” will never be the same, and I have to be honest -- I have always kind of dug that ABC never broadcasts that part of the pre-race. It’s something you have to be there in person to witness.
But without question, the high point was when 300,000 plus stand as one, and roaring at the top of our lungs, welcome “our dear friend, Mr. Jim Nabors!” to be “Back Home Again in Indiana”.
Rest in peace, Jim. And may the new-mown hay send its fragrance straight to Heaven above where you are, tonight, tomorrow, and every day left in human existence.
The embed is his final performance, in 2014. Feel free to sing along. In case you’re not like me and don’t know the words by heart, they’re typed below:
“Back Home Again in Indiana!
And it seems that I can see,
The gleaming candlelight,
Still burning bright,
Through the sycamores for me!
The new mown hay,
Sends out its’ fragrance,
Through the fields I used to roam.
When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash?
How I long for my Indiana home!!!!!!”
God, that place will NEVER be the same …
(Note: the scene at 1:37 is my favorite. Grown dude crying, hanging on the shoulders of his buddy, so overcome with emotion. You’re godd*mned right I have cried each and every time I see this -- either live for so many years, or on The Deck the last few. Sweet merciful everything that is holy, that place will NEVER be the same …)
The Jets Best Guess:
The Chiefs Prognostication:
I noted on Monday that this game is the Chiefs proverbial “fail safe”. And in some regards I still believe that.
But in reality, the “fail safe” kicks in next week, because no matter what happens Sunday, the Chiefs will still hold first place via tiebreakers.
Next week is the biggest regular season back-to-back home games this team has played since 2006, when they had to beat the raiders and those people in the span of five days, if they had any shot of reaching the playoffs.
(Hint: the Chiefs did. They reached the playoffs.)
If I read NFL tiebreakers correctly (and trust me, I spent like an hour at work today figuring this out), if the Chiefs win Sunday, and sweep next week, they clinch the AFC West. They would be two ahead of both the “Super” Chargers and raiders with two to go in that scenario, and both of those squads would be drawing dead -- LA by getting swept, oakland by divisional record.
And I truly and honestly believe, there’s a better than 50/50 chance, the Chiefs win these next three. And if they can do that, and clinch the division with two weeks to play, it allows them to do certain things.
It allows them to basically not give a sh*t about the last two weeks. They’d be guaranteed at best the three seed, and at worst the four, and let’s be honest, no matter who comes strolling into Arrowhead to open January -- be it the Titans, Jaguars, or Ravens or Bengals, or possibly even the raiders (who I still think are getting in somehow … even if I’m just delusional because I want a raiders / Chiefs playoff game for the first time in 26 years in the worst way), is going to be a huge underdog. And again, you’re basically giving “Fat” Andy three weeks to prepare for the opponent (and odds are, it’ll be obvious by Christmas Day).
So yeah, Sunday matters, big time.
And call me crazy, say I’m a little naive (I’ve been called worse) … but I still believe in this team.
I still think its’ best days this season, are yet to come.
Starting Sunday.
* Chiefs (-3 ½) 27, at Jets 17.
As a personal / statistic note, this is Post 892. I have been working on The Annual Column that hasn’t posted in a couple years, because for the first time in a few years, I truly have so much to be thankful for that I feel like expressing it. (The Annual Column is my thank you to all of you, who actually read this sh*t and keep me motivated to (occasionally) post.) So you may see a few quick blurbs or “why did he post this?” one-offs, to inch closer to 900.
As always, thanks for reading, and hey?
(sgt. esterhaus voice) Let’s be careful out there ...
