"We walked on the beach
Beside that old hotel.
They're tearing it down now;
But it's just as well.
I haven't shown you everything
A man can do.
So stay with me baby --
I've got plans for you!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
You've given me the best of you,
And now I need the rest of you ...
Did you know that before
You came into my life?
It was some kind of miracle,
That I survived.
Someday we will both look back,
And have to laugh.
We lived through a lifetime --
And the aftermath!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
I know we've gotta move somehow,
But I don't wanna to lose you now ...
Sometimes it's so easy
To let a day slip on by,
Without even seeing
Each other at all.
But this is the time you'll turn back to,
And so will I.
And those will be days?
You can never recall ...
And so we embrace again,
Behind the dunes.
This beach is so cold,
On winter afternoons.
Oh, but holding you close?
Is like holding the summer sun.
A warmth from the memory?
Of days to come!
This is the time to remember!
'Cause it will not last forever!
These are the days to hold onto!
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to.
This is the time!
But time is gonna change.
You've given me the best of you,
And now I need the rest of you ..."
-- "This Is The Time" by Billy Joel.
--------------------
The Seven T's.
Seven defining moments from the two playoff games, that have the Chiefs in a position they've never been in before in my lifetime, and I am forty three years (harrison ford in "clear and present danger" voice) and change old.
Seven spectacular, incredible, season-defining -- if not franchise-defining -- plays of immense significance.
In chronological order ...
--------------------
T1 and T2: The Tackle and The Turnover.
I can't speak as to how all of y'all felt early in the second quarter of the Divisional Round against the Texans, but I can speak as to how I felt, after the Texans nailed a chip shot field goal to go up 24-0 barely twenty minutes into the contest.
I was literally sick to my stomach. I honestly thought I would puke where I sat -- and yes, I used the word "sat", because I didn't have the energy to stand anymore. (If you sit in the lower bowl at Arrowhead, you know that, uuh, sitting, is not really an option. You stand, then stand some more, then really stand when the game matters.)
Then Mecole Hardman gave us our first glimpse of hope with a spectacular sixty yard return. Two plays later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Damien Williams for the score, to inject a little life into the team, the game, and the fandom.
Then, after getting its' ass handed to it for twenty straight minutes, the Chiefense stood and forced a three and out, setting up a fourth and four at the Texans thirty yard line.
Which led Bill O'Brien to call what I thought was a brilliant play -- a fake punt. And I actually mean that -- it was a brilliant play call. Because ten members of the Chiefs special teams unit fell back to set up the return. Only one Chief smelled out what was coming -- "Dirty" Danny Sorenson * .
(*: I never imagined there would come a moment in my life when I could like someone -- be it a real person or (in my case) a fictional character on my favorite TV show of all time -- named Danny Sorenson. Y'all have no idea how much I hated Rick Schroeder's character on "NYPD Blue". I'll just note that I hated his character so much, that when they killed him off to close the eighth season / open the ninth season, I actually lit a victory cigar on the back deck to celebrate. And sadly, that's not a joke, it's the truth.)
"Dirty" Danny somehow, some way, tackled the Texans punter two yards short of the line to gain, setting the Chiefs up at the Texans thirty.
I have heard Arrowhead explode with emotion many, many a time. (Especially the fourth and sixth T's in this listing. Number six still makes me cry uncontrollably, and it's been two weeks now.)
Damn, did Arrowhead explode when the first T occurred -- "The Tackle".
Three plays and twenty three seconds later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Travis Kelce for his second touchdown in three minutes, to bring the Chiefs to within ten at 24-14. (Note: Mr. Kelce is the seventh T, when and/or if we get there.)
Now Arrowhead was rocking. What was a silent, funeral-like stadium three minutes earlier, now was as loud as any of us have ever heard it.
Cue the second T -- "The Turnover". Once again, "Dirty" Danny Sorenson made the play, forcing a fumble on the kickoff that was returned to the Texans six yard line by Darwin Thompson.
If Arrowhead was 142.2 decibels five years ago (and it was)? Then that return by Mr. Thompson amped up the noise to approximately 305.6 decibels. You couldn't think, it was so godd*mned loud after that turnover.
Three plays later, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" hit Travis Kelce for his second touchdown in less than a minute, and suddenly, the Chiefs were within three, at 24-21.
In less than four minutes and thirty seconds, the Chiefs have gone from down twenty four, to down three. They'd scored twenty one straight (soon to be forty eight), before the Texans could even attempt to strike back. For the first time, the Chiefs weren't the ones collapsing in a playoff game; they were causing the utter and total collapse.
For the first time in NFL history, a team trailed by twenty four in the first half, and led at halftime -- well, wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. Because the lead came via ...
--------------------
T3: The Touchdown.
After forcing a Texans punt to keep the game at 21-24, the Chiefs get the ball back with 2:47 to play in the first half.
As Richard A. Vermeil would note: "Offense? Gotta Go To Work!"
And go to work they did, as Mr. Mahomes moved the Chiefs seventy yards in less than two minutes, to set up a third and goal at the four yard line. Let me tell you, the realization that no matter what happened on that third down play, the realization that the Chiefs were, at worst, going to the locker room tied, after trailing by twenty four ten minutes earlier, was a gigantic relief.
But a tie isn't good enough for these guys. Because on that third down, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" skillfully, glidefully (is that even a word? I guess it now is), strategically, and successfully ran the length of the line of scrimmage, and while straddling said line, fired a semi-shovel pass / semi-prayer of a throw, inside of a barely open circle occupied by Travis Kelce, in the midst of four or five Texans defenders, to put the Chiefs up for good at 28-24.
The Chiefs went on to win 51-31. The last fifty minutes of the game, they outscored a damned good Texans team 51-7. A point every f*cking minute. (john davidson voice) That's incredible!
But the four best T's?
Were yet to come.
--------------------
T4: The Trot.
Probably not the best word to describe this play, but I needed a T, and I already used The Touchdown, so The Trot it is.
This, folks, is probably my favorite drive in Chiefs history, non-those people category. (As great as this drive was, it probably doesn't top Joe Montana shoving it down those people's throat on that magical Monday night twenty five October's ago.)
Because as even "The Voice of Reason" noted: this was one bat sh*t crazy drive.
It began with a Mecole Hardman fumble of the kickoff, which is always promising. Thankfully, the Chiefs recovered the punt, because they cheated via a holding call on the return, to set the Chiefs up inside their own fifteen with under two minutes to go in the half, trailing 14-17.
Three plays later, now near midfield, Patrick Mahomes "Of the Chiefs" fumbled the snap, somehow picked it up, and had the presence of mind to fire it in Tyreek Hill's general vicinity. Unfortunately, Mr. Hill caught the ball, ran for approximately seven hundred miles in reverse across the field and back, before running out of bounds for a loss of two.
Then, on the penultimate play of the drive, Mr. Mahomes threw a horrible pass into the corner of the west end zone where I sit (Section 132 holla!), that probably should have been picked off by the Titans. Thankfully, it wasn't.
Three incredible Joe Biden-esque gaffes inside of a minute ... yet somehow, there the Chiefs were, at the Titans twenty seven, with thirty seconds left, two time outs left.
For the second week in a row, the Chiefs had put themselves into position to at least tie the game at the half, despite trailing by large margins for most of said first half.
And for the second week in a row, a tie wasn't good enough for Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs".
Because he took off on that second down, seeing no receivers were open, and somehow, some way, turned his, uuh, way, upfield, past the twenty, past the ten, staying in bounds by a couple blades of strategically manicured grass. He then darted inside to avoid a tackle, plowed through three Titan defenders, and collapsed into the end zone, to give the Chiefs a lead they would never relinquish.
As I noted earlier, I've heard Arrowhead explode with emotion many, many times in my life. I have never heard Arrowhead louder, than the moment Mr. Mahomes crossed that goal line in my end zone. And I mean NEVER! heard that sacred place explode with so much emotion at once.
It was almost as if every person there -- all 73,625 of my closest friends and myself -- knew, that was the ballgame. Knew that that run, had taken a sledgehammer and cracked whatever wall of defense the Titans had left. They weren't going to recover from that blow, and everybody knew it. The Chiefs were Super Bowl bound ... but not quite yet.
The ceiling I've waited forty some odd years to dance on?
Was about to collapse from the movement on it.
But not quite yet.
It took one more amazing Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" play, to seal an appointment to dance upside down ...
--------------------
T5: The Throw.
The score grid on the opening snap of the posted Youtube! video above sets the scene. The Chiefs are up eleven (or two scores) with half of the fourth quarter to go. They face a third and six at their own thirty five.
I venture a guess that nine out of ten teams in this spot -- up two scores, less than eight minutes away from the Super Bowl -- would probably call a conservative, uuh, call, in this spot. A draw play to Damien Williams, perhaps. Maybe a quick screen to Mr. Williams or Tyreek Hill. Maybe a safe slant-in to Travis Kelce. Something that might get you the first down, but more than anything else, at least keeps the clock moving for another forty seconds, before letting Dusty C get off a fifty plus yarder.
This, peoples and peepettes, is why I (and I suspect many of you) f*cking love "Fat" Andy Reid so much.
There's nothing conservative about the man, at all. (Well, probably his politics -- he is a devoutly religious man. But still, work with me here.)
Because on third and six, when conventional wisdom says play it safe, "Fat" Andy hauled out the most unsafe play call imaginable.
He went for the jugular, OJ Simpson style.
He aired it out.
And God bless our humble quarterback, this? This might be the defining throw of his career when said career is all said and done (which hopefully won't be for another two decades) ** . Because when Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" dropped back, I grabbed my buddy Chase, who sits next to me, and shouted into his ear "this is it! It's over!"
Why could I make that proclamation?
Because every person in that stadium not on the Titans sidelines -- and probably every person on their sideline as well, to be honest -- saw what I did.
Sammy Watkins, streaking wide, wide open down the center of the field. No defender in position, let alone within sight, of the ability to cover or tackle Mr. Watkins. All Mr. Mahomes had to do was drop it in his hands, and the "holy sh*t, we're going to Miami!" celebration could begin in earnest.
Which is exactly what Mr. Mahomes did.
Ballgame.
(**: NFL Network's Peter Schrager (the biggest Chiefs homer this side of this site's Official Color Commentator Emeritus, the legendary Dan Dierdorf) rated this play number one on his list of Patrick Mahomes' ten best plays of his career, so far. I wouldn't rank it that high -- at best for me it's fourth ... hang on. Let's do this right. In the words of KC Star columnist Sam Mellinger: "a list? A list!" My five favorite Mahomies plays so far:
5: the bomb to Demarcus Robinson, Week Seventeen 2018 vs raiders, which was Mr. Mahomes' fiftieth touchdown of the season. It also is the exact same play as ...
4. the bomb to Sammy Watkins, AFC Title Game 2019 vs Titans. The exact same play. With the exact same result.
3. the left handed throw, Week Four 2018 at those people. I still don't believe what I saw.
2. 4th and 9 to Tyreek Hill, Week Fourteen 2018 vs Ravens. I honestly never thought I'd see a play from Mr. Mahomes top this one. As usual, I was wr ... wr ... wr ... absolutely incorrect.
1. The Trot, AFC Title Game 2019 vs Titans. I still have no idea how he did it. I'm just damned proud he did.
Anyways, back to whatever the hell I was talking about, before this sidebar ...)
I can assure you, the next seven minutes were nothing but one long, loud cheer. It just kept getting louder with every second that passed. The Throw left no doubt what the outcome of that game was going to be -- an outcome most people in that stadium (including myself) had never seen or experienced before. An outcome no team or fanbase is guaranteed, and that any Chiefs fan less than five decades old, had never known to be possible.
(Pause).
You're damned right I spent most of that eight minutes crying uncontrollably.
Because all of the previous five T's?
Led to the final two.
------------------
T6 and T7: The Trophy ... and The Travis Kelce.
I intentionally linked the Youtube! clip above, to start when Lamar's Trophy moved from Clark Hunt's hand, to "Fat" Andy's.
I mentioned two weeks ago, that I hate (and I still do), this idiotic notion in the media that the Chiefs -- specifically "Fat" Andy -- deserved this conference championship and/or Super Bowl. Because deserve is still not the right word.
Earned is.
"Fat" Andy earned this. You know it. I know it. The whole damned stadium, the whole damned fanbase, from Maine to Hawaii, from sea to shining sea, knows it.
And man, the look on his face when he accepts Lamar's Trophy ... sh*t, I was already crying uncontrollably. Now I was really crying uncontrollably.
Because after "Fat" Andy leads us in a quick "How 'Bout Those Chieeeeeeeeeeeefs!" cry for the ages, someone on the other side of the stadium started the chant for the ages. One simple word that needs no explanation. One simple word that some awesome, amazing, (jesse mccartney voice) beautiful soul shouted, then a second Chiefs fan shouted, then a third, a fourth, a fifth, and eventually seventy thousand plus (because nobody left that game early, other than Titans fans) shouted inside the stadium, as millions watching in their favorite bars and garages and man caves and random living rooms joined in as well.
"An-Dy!"
"An-Dy!"
"An-Dy!"
If you look closely at the clip above (and you have to, because it's only a fleeting moment), the camera momentarily closes in on Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs", and the Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu, behind "Fat" Andy, shouting "An-Dy!" even louder than all of us were. That ... that is so godd*mned beautiful.
The final T though?
Might somehow trump the sixth.
Because as Jim Nantz was trying to wind the trophy presentation down, you knew, you just knew, these guys had one last moment of awesome greatness in them ... and you knew, you just knew, that moment of awesome greatness was going to come from Travis Kelce.
Who grabs the mic from Jim Nantz, and shouts the anthem that has defined the ending to so many Chiefs games over the last couple years.
"Hey! Kansas City! You gotta fight! For your right! To parrrrrrrrrrrtay!"
Damned skippy.
--------------------
"You gotta fight". No three words more perfectly describe the 2019 Chiefs.
Because nine weeks ago, the Red and Gold walked off the field in Nashville, suffering a crushing defeat that would have left most teams humiliated and deflated, that would have caused most teams' seasons to spiral out of control. Remember, this team sat at 6-4 after that defeat. The raiders had caught us in the standings; the "Super" Chargers could pull to within a game with a win the following week in Mexico (meaning both divisional rivals controlled their own destiny).
We still had to play four divisional games, plus roadies in Foxboro and Soldier Field (two places that are anything but easy to play in), with two decent squads nipping at heels like a pit bull devours a steak. Good Times!
Again, at least seven out of ten teams would have closed 2-4 to miss the playoffs entirely. (Kinda like the raiders did, hee hee.)
The Chiefs haven't lost since that afternoon nine weeks ago, and every week, the avalanche keeps building. Every week tops the previous one. Winning the Mexico game? Neat. Crushing the raiders in the de-facto AFC West Championship by nearly five touchdowns? Sweet. Scoring twenty three straight to win in Foxboro? Beautiful. Demolishing those people in the snow? Spectacular. Embarrassing the Bears in prime time? Phenomenal. Rallying to beat the Chargers in the regular season finale and steal the two seed and the bye away from New England? Ridiculous.
Overcoming a twenty four point first half deficit to lead at the, uuh, half, and never trail again, against the Texans? Incredible.
Overcoming multiple ten point deficits in the first half to lead at the, uuh, half, and never trail again, against the Titans? Indescribable.
And this eight game run comes after seeing Eric Fisher miss half the season, Tyreek Hill miss over a quarter of it, Frank Clark battle through a dangerous neck injury, Chris Jones tweak a hamstring before the biggest game of the season, Patrick Mahomes "Of The Chiefs" dislocate his kneecap, Kendall Fuller miss five games with (al michaels voice) an arm, and the quarterback situation becoming so desperate thanks to Mr. Mahomes' issue and Chad Henne's season-ending injury in preseason, that the Chiefs turned to a high school football coach, to man the helm against two NFC teams that reached (respectively) the NFC Title Game and the NFC Divisional Round, before both were dispensed by the 49ers.
This season has been full of issues. Full of challenges that even the best of teams would fail to overcome. Full of injuries you wouldn't wish on the most hated of those people's players. (Note: this is an abject lie; I wish nothing short of brutal death and painful, ugly dismemberment upon everyone in that vile, evil, satanic organization.)
"You Gotta Fight!"
Whatever you may think of the 2019 Kansas City Chiefs? There can be no doubt amongst anyone with an IQ above that of a corpse frozen in solid ice -- they never quit. They always fight.
And now, one last fight remains. One last challenge, and it's the biggest one this franchise has faced in most of our lifetimes.
Which means there's only one thing left to do, a little over forty eight hours from now:
Exactly ...
Friday, January 31, 2020
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
the picture comes full circle, twenty years later ...
"How can I convince you?
What you see is real?
Who am I to blame you,
For doubting what you feel?
I was always reaching;
You were just a girl.
I knew I took for granted?
The friend I have in you.
I was living for a dream;
Loving for a moment.
Taking on the world?
That was just my style.
Now I look into your eyes?
And I can see forever!
The search is over!
You were with me all the while! ...
Can we last forever?
Or do we fall apart?
At times it's so confusing;
The questions of the heart.
You've followed me through changes,
And patiently you'd wait,
'Til I came to my senses,
Through a miracle of fate.
I was living for a dream!
Loving for a moment!
Taking on the world?
That was just my style!
Now I look into your eyes,
And I can see forever!
The search is over;
You were with me all the while! ..."
-- "The Search is Over" by Survivor.
--------------------
I will try not to cry while composing this, (allegedly) proofing this, and (eventually) posting this, uuh, post.
And I will fail to control my emotions.
So be it.
Because God knows I cried a lot -- and I mean a LOT -- last Sunday.
--------------------
From the Season Opening (Sorta) Recap from 2014:
(late 80s NBC announcer voice) And now, the final captured moment, from the 2019 season.
--------------------
"To (three four men) with more emotional endurance, than anyone I know. It was a long, difficult road. Thank God we finally got here!" -- Lily (Aldrin) Erikson, the series finale of "How I Met Your Mother".
--------------------
Twenty years ago, "The Voice of Reason", "Jasson", and myself, headed down for a leisurely stroll around Arrowhead, before beginning to tailgate the afternoon away.
It wasn't the first time this event had happened, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. But it was a first in one regard: someone took the time to capture it, to create a mark history cannot ignore.
I remember this, because I was there -- a few hours before a late afternoon kickoff against your San Diego "Super" Chargers:
(Yes, it's a hazy picture, but in my defense, the original pic had a glass of shiraz spilled on it. Gee, wonder who did that? Left to right: myself, "Jasson", "The Voice of Reason", and Mr. Reason's mom (I believe). Image credit: (I'm assuming) "The Voice of Reason's" sister, via a camera of some kind.)
--------------------
I have always loved that picture. For reasons obvious to anyone; for reasons not so obvious but to a few.
I've always loved that clearly something I said to "Jasson" had him leaning back and laughing ... and clearly that something I said, had "The Voice of Reason" marching on with his head at his side in disgust ... and had his mom trailing us with a "I ain't getting into this" fallback maneuver. (Note: smart thinking on her part.)
It's a picture of three great friends, who grew up together, survived many ups and downs, highs and lows, many a fight and drunken night * , captured in a moment of time, from twenty years ago.
I'm guessing a lot of you reading this, still have a clue who your best friends were twenty years ago, and even if you don't, the odds are, you're not as close to them as you were back then.
And to be fair, the same is true in my life. If I was to list off my ten best friends from twenty years ago, maybe three or four of them are still a meaningful part of my life, and the other six or seven I hear from once or twice a year, either on their or my birthday, or via a "hey, I'm in town, wanna grab a beer before I head home" text or Facebook message.
Because life happens. Families happen. Successes beyond our wildest dreams happen!
(And sadly, f*ck ups and failures happen too.)
Such was life, twenty years ago.
Such is life, twenty years later.
--------------------
(*: yes, "the urban legend" is true: I did somehow, some way, leave my keys in Mr. Reason and Jasson's freezer, on New Year's Eve 1995 in lovely Naismith Hall. To this day, I have no f*cking clue what I was thinking ... or what inspired one of us to look for my keys in said freezer, the following afternoon. Then again, this was also the night Jasson decided to use the palm of his hand as a cigarette extinguisher, so I'm guessing none of us were exactly upright, ambulatory, and/or stone cold sober. (Pause). At least we were still a year or so away from taking El Presidente shots for Bip Roberts though! (Please, don't ask.))
--------------------
I couldn't find any pictures from that walk in, until years later. I know that if "Boy Meets World" taught me anything (and sadly, it probably taught me a lot), it taught me that "if you don't got pictures, then you got nothin'". I am sure pictures exist. Hell, they have to. You can't go sixteen years without a single picture at a tailgate being snapped. At least not in my group.
But in the sixteen year interval, what a run. The Greatest Double Header Day Ever. (Note: thank God pictures don't exist of that one ... I think. Although the visual image of my uncle hauling out the tin cup never fails to make me laugh.) The No-Punt Playoff Game against the Colts. The "Rich and Rare" Experience in the Ravens Playoff Game. Roadies all over the country. The shifting of our tailgating spot from Lot N to Lot G. (Long stor(ies).) The additions of friends and family; the sad and tragic losses of friends and family.
Through it all, one thing remained the same. That, is undeniable.
So, sorry Mr. Feeny, but you are wr ... wr ... wr ... possibly incorrect. You don't need pictures to acknowledge something great happened.
The people who lived it? Have the memories burned into their minds, forever.
--------------------
The build to this incredible, epic season truly began, I believe, through one of the worst, painful, "how the f*ck did this happen" defeats in franchise history. And given that we're talking about the Chiefs here, that's saying something.
I'm just not sure which indefensible, unreal, "leaving the stadium swearing like a sailor" defeat it was -- January 16, 2017, or January 6, 2018.
Sunday, January 16, 2017, the Chiefs hosted Arrowhead's first (true) prime time playoff game, against the hated Pittsburgh Steelers.
Saturday, January 6, 2018, the Chiefs hosted Arrowhead's third (de facto) prime time playoff game.
Neither of them went well.
--------------------
From the tailgate before the first (true) prime time playoff game in Arrowhead's history:
(left to right: me, "The Voice of Reason", and whatever the hell we're calling Tim. Image credit: I'm guessing Mona, via the old school Canon.)
--------------------
Unlike the game from the picture way above to start this post, the Chiefs lost, and in almost indefensible fashion. They didn't allow a touchdown, they had the ball via a two point conversion with a shot to tie, and even after everything had unfolded for fifty eight minutes, all they had to do was stop Coach Asshat's third down and seven play to get the ball back, down two, at the two minute warning.
Sadly, it was not to be. But just because you fall short of the ultimate goal, doesn't make you a failure in my book. In fact, in an outright stunner to me, WWE style, I proclaimed the 2016 Chiefs my favorite Chiefs team of my lifetime, after that season was over. I say "outright stunner", because I never thought anything other than a Super Bowl bound team, could top 1995.
As usual, I was wr ... wr ... wr ... probably incorrect.
Then, almost one year later, the Chiefs again sh*t the bed at home, blowing a 21-3 lead to fall 21-22 to the freaking Tennessee Titans. Marcus Mariota threw a touchdown pass to himself. Jeff Triplette -- who was justifiably fired by the NFL after his "officiating effort" in this game -- somehow ruled a sack as "forward progress".
I remember leaving both games disgusted as hell, and I'm guessing most of y'all reading this felt the same way.
And yet, sometimes, through tragedy, through defeat, through f*ck up and failure ... comes salvation.
After all, that's why we have this thing called "religion", right?
--------------------
Again, I'm not sure what defeat inspired this run more.
The Steelers defeat was enough to convince "Fat" Andy Reid, and the front office, and ownership, to do something the Chiefs hadn't done in thirty years: use a first round pick on a quarterback.
The Titans defeat was enough to convince "Fat" Andy Reid, and the front office, and ownership, to trade away "Sir" Alex Smith, and install that first round pick, at the helm of the franchise.
Had one or neither defeat occurred, would this team be where it is today?
There's a "what if" for the ages ...
--------------------
Because where we are -- or more specifically, where we were -- on Sunday, January 19, 2020, is something we Chiefs fans have never seen before.
And it was more than just fighting for our right, to party.
Mr. Reason, Jasson, and whatever the hell we're referring to Tim as, arrived a little before 9am on that blessed, sacred, "I'll never forget a damned thing about it" day. And in the interest of fairness and honesty (only one of which I'm accused of being ... and it usually ain't honest), usually I'm the one who tries to snap the pics to capture the moment. Because moments in a life should matter. (Damned skippy.) There are pictures hanging in the walls of my bedroom, my spare room, and my main room, that I simply have to look at, and start to (pick one) laugh / cry / smile. I'm sure all of you have those memories up as well.
So when Tim handed his phone to Mona to snap a picture of us ... well, it's my favorite captured moment from 2019:
(left to right: Tim, Mr. Reason, myself, Jasson. Image credit: Mona, via Tim's phone.)
This picture proudly hangs in my office at work, and is in my basket of sh*t from 2019 that needs a shelf or three to honor the season still. (2016, 2017, and 2018 are properly honored in the Casa de Stevo. Ditto some past seasons. I refuse to honor 2019 until the season is over. I think I'm right about this.)
------------------
Twenty years. Damned near half a lifetime for the four of us.
As Tim noted last Sunday: "did you ever think we'd all be here for this? (Pause). Well, I knew you three would be, but did you ever think we'd see this day together?"
To answer the question? F*ck no. No Chiefs fan ever imagined this day would dawn on us.
But here we are.
Gentlemen? The search is over.
We f*cking did it!
And there are no three greater friends, I wanted to enjoy this day, forty three years in the making for most of us (forty two for Mr. Reason), with.
We f*cking did it.
That's my favorite captured moment of the 2019 Chiefs season.
98 some odd hours, until we hopefully top it ...
What you see is real?
Who am I to blame you,
For doubting what you feel?
I was always reaching;
You were just a girl.
I knew I took for granted?
The friend I have in you.
I was living for a dream;
Loving for a moment.
Taking on the world?
That was just my style.
Now I look into your eyes?
And I can see forever!
The search is over!
You were with me all the while! ...
Can we last forever?
Or do we fall apart?
At times it's so confusing;
The questions of the heart.
You've followed me through changes,
And patiently you'd wait,
'Til I came to my senses,
Through a miracle of fate.
I was living for a dream!
Loving for a moment!
Taking on the world?
That was just my style!
Now I look into your eyes,
And I can see forever!
The search is over;
You were with me all the while! ..."
-- "The Search is Over" by Survivor.
--------------------
I will try not to cry while composing this, (allegedly) proofing this, and (eventually) posting this, uuh, post.
And I will fail to control my emotions.
So be it.
Because God knows I cried a lot -- and I mean a LOT -- last Sunday.
--------------------
From the Season Opening (Sorta) Recap from 2014:
(late 80s NBC announcer voice) And now, the final captured moment, from the 2019 season.
--------------------
"To (
--------------------
Twenty years ago, "The Voice of Reason", "Jasson", and myself, headed down for a leisurely stroll around Arrowhead, before beginning to tailgate the afternoon away.
It wasn't the first time this event had happened, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. But it was a first in one regard: someone took the time to capture it, to create a mark history cannot ignore.
I remember this, because I was there -- a few hours before a late afternoon kickoff against your San Diego "Super" Chargers:
(Yes, it's a hazy picture, but in my defense, the original pic had a glass of shiraz spilled on it. Gee, wonder who did that? Left to right: myself, "Jasson", "The Voice of Reason", and Mr. Reason's mom (I believe). Image credit: (I'm assuming) "The Voice of Reason's" sister, via a camera of some kind.)
--------------------
I have always loved that picture. For reasons obvious to anyone; for reasons not so obvious but to a few.
I've always loved that clearly something I said to "Jasson" had him leaning back and laughing ... and clearly that something I said, had "The Voice of Reason" marching on with his head at his side in disgust ... and had his mom trailing us with a "I ain't getting into this" fallback maneuver. (Note: smart thinking on her part.)
It's a picture of three great friends, who grew up together, survived many ups and downs, highs and lows, many a fight and drunken night * , captured in a moment of time, from twenty years ago.
I'm guessing a lot of you reading this, still have a clue who your best friends were twenty years ago, and even if you don't, the odds are, you're not as close to them as you were back then.
And to be fair, the same is true in my life. If I was to list off my ten best friends from twenty years ago, maybe three or four of them are still a meaningful part of my life, and the other six or seven I hear from once or twice a year, either on their or my birthday, or via a "hey, I'm in town, wanna grab a beer before I head home" text or Facebook message.
Because life happens. Families happen. Successes beyond our wildest dreams happen!
(And sadly, f*ck ups and failures happen too.)
Such was life, twenty years ago.
Such is life, twenty years later.
--------------------
(*: yes, "the urban legend" is true: I did somehow, some way, leave my keys in Mr. Reason and Jasson's freezer, on New Year's Eve 1995 in lovely Naismith Hall. To this day, I have no f*cking clue what I was thinking ... or what inspired one of us to look for my keys in said freezer, the following afternoon. Then again, this was also the night Jasson decided to use the palm of his hand as a cigarette extinguisher, so I'm guessing none of us were exactly upright, ambulatory, and/or stone cold sober. (Pause). At least we were still a year or so away from taking El Presidente shots for Bip Roberts though! (Please, don't ask.))
--------------------
I couldn't find any pictures from that walk in, until years later. I know that if "Boy Meets World" taught me anything (and sadly, it probably taught me a lot), it taught me that "if you don't got pictures, then you got nothin'". I am sure pictures exist. Hell, they have to. You can't go sixteen years without a single picture at a tailgate being snapped. At least not in my group.
But in the sixteen year interval, what a run. The Greatest Double Header Day Ever. (Note: thank God pictures don't exist of that one ... I think. Although the visual image of my uncle hauling out the tin cup never fails to make me laugh.) The No-Punt Playoff Game against the Colts. The "Rich and Rare" Experience in the Ravens Playoff Game. Roadies all over the country. The shifting of our tailgating spot from Lot N to Lot G. (Long stor(ies).) The additions of friends and family; the sad and tragic losses of friends and family.
Through it all, one thing remained the same. That, is undeniable.
So, sorry Mr. Feeny, but you are wr ... wr ... wr ... possibly incorrect. You don't need pictures to acknowledge something great happened.
The people who lived it? Have the memories burned into their minds, forever.
--------------------
The build to this incredible, epic season truly began, I believe, through one of the worst, painful, "how the f*ck did this happen" defeats in franchise history. And given that we're talking about the Chiefs here, that's saying something.
I'm just not sure which indefensible, unreal, "leaving the stadium swearing like a sailor" defeat it was -- January 16, 2017, or January 6, 2018.
Sunday, January 16, 2017, the Chiefs hosted Arrowhead's first (true) prime time playoff game, against the hated Pittsburgh Steelers.
Saturday, January 6, 2018, the Chiefs hosted Arrowhead's third (de facto) prime time playoff game.
Neither of them went well.
--------------------
From the tailgate before the first (true) prime time playoff game in Arrowhead's history:
(left to right: me, "The Voice of Reason", and whatever the hell we're calling Tim. Image credit: I'm guessing Mona, via the old school Canon.)
--------------------
Unlike the game from the picture way above to start this post, the Chiefs lost, and in almost indefensible fashion. They didn't allow a touchdown, they had the ball via a two point conversion with a shot to tie, and even after everything had unfolded for fifty eight minutes, all they had to do was stop Coach Asshat's third down and seven play to get the ball back, down two, at the two minute warning.
Sadly, it was not to be. But just because you fall short of the ultimate goal, doesn't make you a failure in my book. In fact, in an outright stunner to me, WWE style, I proclaimed the 2016 Chiefs my favorite Chiefs team of my lifetime, after that season was over. I say "outright stunner", because I never thought anything other than a Super Bowl bound team, could top 1995.
As usual, I was wr ... wr ... wr ... probably incorrect.
Then, almost one year later, the Chiefs again sh*t the bed at home, blowing a 21-3 lead to fall 21-22 to the freaking Tennessee Titans. Marcus Mariota threw a touchdown pass to himself. Jeff Triplette -- who was justifiably fired by the NFL after his "officiating effort" in this game -- somehow ruled a sack as "forward progress".
I remember leaving both games disgusted as hell, and I'm guessing most of y'all reading this felt the same way.
And yet, sometimes, through tragedy, through defeat, through f*ck up and failure ... comes salvation.
After all, that's why we have this thing called "religion", right?
--------------------
Again, I'm not sure what defeat inspired this run more.
The Steelers defeat was enough to convince "Fat" Andy Reid, and the front office, and ownership, to do something the Chiefs hadn't done in thirty years: use a first round pick on a quarterback.
The Titans defeat was enough to convince "Fat" Andy Reid, and the front office, and ownership, to trade away "Sir" Alex Smith, and install that first round pick, at the helm of the franchise.
Had one or neither defeat occurred, would this team be where it is today?
There's a "what if" for the ages ...
--------------------
Because where we are -- or more specifically, where we were -- on Sunday, January 19, 2020, is something we Chiefs fans have never seen before.
And it was more than just fighting for our right, to party.
Mr. Reason, Jasson, and whatever the hell we're referring to Tim as, arrived a little before 9am on that blessed, sacred, "I'll never forget a damned thing about it" day. And in the interest of fairness and honesty (only one of which I'm accused of being ... and it usually ain't honest), usually I'm the one who tries to snap the pics to capture the moment. Because moments in a life should matter. (Damned skippy.) There are pictures hanging in the walls of my bedroom, my spare room, and my main room, that I simply have to look at, and start to (pick one) laugh / cry / smile. I'm sure all of you have those memories up as well.
So when Tim handed his phone to Mona to snap a picture of us ... well, it's my favorite captured moment from 2019:
(left to right: Tim, Mr. Reason, myself, Jasson. Image credit: Mona, via Tim's phone.)
This picture proudly hangs in my office at work, and is in my basket of sh*t from 2019 that needs a shelf or three to honor the season still. (2016, 2017, and 2018 are properly honored in the Casa de Stevo. Ditto some past seasons. I refuse to honor 2019 until the season is over. I think I'm right about this.)
------------------
Twenty years. Damned near half a lifetime for the four of us.
As Tim noted last Sunday: "did you ever think we'd all be here for this? (Pause). Well, I knew you three would be, but did you ever think we'd see this day together?"
To answer the question? F*ck no. No Chiefs fan ever imagined this day would dawn on us.
But here we are.
Gentlemen? The search is over.
We f*cking did it!
And there are no three greater friends, I wanted to enjoy this day, forty three years in the making for most of us (forty two for Mr. Reason), with.
We f*cking did it.
That's my favorite captured moment of the 2019 Chiefs season.
98 some odd hours, until we hopefully top it ...
the pictures 2019
"I feel a hunger;
It's a hunger,
That tries to keep a man
Awake at night.
Are you the answer?
I shouldn't wonder,
When I can feel you
Whet my appetite!
With all the power you're releasing?
It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone!
Anticipation runs through me;
Let's find the keys and turn this engine on!
I can feel you breathe!
I can feel your heart beat faster ...
Take me home tonight!
I don't wanna let you go 'til you see the light!
Take me home tonight!
Listen honey -- just like Ronnie said?
Be my little baby!!! ..."
-- "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money. Of everything I never dreamed in my wildest, uuh, dreams, that I'd live to see, that occurred on Sunday, January 19, 2020? Hearing 73,625 plus of my closest friends screaming "Take Me Home Tonight!", as the clock inched slowly yet steadily to triple zeroes in the fourth quarter, has to be near the top of the list. God bless it, that was so damned cool!
(Sadly, no videos of that "performance" are on Youtube!, that I could find. Which is probably for the best. Some sh*t is best left to those, privileged enough to witness it in person ...)
--------------------
This Chiefs season has been special, actually beyond special, in so many ways. And thankfully, I was able to capture a few of those special moments, that made this season so, uuh, special.
Below are all but one of my favorite captured moments, of the 2019 Chiefs season * .
My favorite captured moment, will post as its' own, uuh, post, after this post goes up. And go figure, my favorite, is not only the last one on the (iPhone) camera roll ... but it's the only captured moment, I didn't personally, uuh, capture ** .
Enjoy?
--------------------
(*: these are appearing in chronological order. Which seems fitting, given that my favorite captured moment, occurred on AFC Title GameDay.)
(**: all image credits in this post, unless otherwise noted, were captured by me, via my iPhone something. The season started as an 8 Plus; it ended as an 11 Plus. The one regret I have from this season: I never should have given up the 8. The 11 is such a piece of sh*t that it's probably appropriate the case around it is dark, dark brown.)
--------------------
* The Mural Is Unveiled, Week One (at Jaguars).
My commute to and from work, on a normal day, consists of exiting my driveway, taking Madison to 79th, 79th to Wornall, Wornall from 79th to Ward Parkway, then the Parkway to JC Nichols / Broadway, ultimately ending up at the PennTower complex at 31st and Broadway.
(Then reverse the route to head home.)
All summer long, the Ale House at 42nd-ish and Broadway had tarps up hiding what was going up on their south-facing wall. Right after Labor Day, they unveiled the finished work of art. And my God, (seinfeld voice) it is real, and it is spectacular:
Let's just say, this commute beats the hell out of the old one, sitting on the "never gonna finish the construction" *** South Loop for thirty minutes, to move four miles, from State Line to Metcalf.
(***: I was wrong! The entire south loop of 435 is pretty much finished, from K10 to the Triangle. And it's six lanes in each direction! It only took twenty six years to finish widening and rebuilding that bastardo, but God bless it, it might have been worth the wait!)
* The (Final?) raiders Roadie In "The Garage", Week Two (at raiders).
Every year for the past decade or so, a decent group of us heads up to Sioux Falls to catch the raiders roadie in Ian's garage-come-ultimate-man-cave. (And then our raider and Chiefs fans up there, head down here for the home game against the raiders.)
Given that the raiders are moving to Vegas, this might be the last trip north to catch the raiders roadie.
So if only for the last time, the finest place Sioux Falls has to offer (and I actually mean that as a compliment; I love Sioux Falls):
* A Bar Where "The Chief" Exists, Week Two (at raiders.)
In lovely -- and sweet Jesus, do I use that term loosely -- in lovely Hudson, South Dakota, which is about a forty minute drive southeast of Sioux Falls, and is literally across the river from eastern Iowa -- there is a bar called Waddy's:
Waddy's is famous up there for its' Bloody Mary mix, and (go figure) for its' Bloody Mary's ... which they call "The Chief". You can't make this sh*t up folks.
* Tailgating Begins, Week Three (vs Ravens).
This was snapped right after we got the tents up, a little after 7am on that rainy, miserable Sunday morning. Don't believe me? Here's the scene almost three hours later:
Thankfully, the rain tapered off by kickoff, and the Chiefs won 33-28, to improve to 3-0 on the season, and gain what looked to be at the time, a huge tie-breaker advantage over the Ravens.
And this is a large reason why ...
* The Yellow End Zones, Week Three (vs Ravens).
(the great anthony j. bruno voice) Beautiful.
* The Outside Is Finished!, Week Four (at Lions).
My group always goes to McFadden's for away games that we aren't in attendance for. (Or in The Pool to watch, if said roadie falls on Weeks One or Two most years.) Our first trip to McFadden's this season was for the Week Four game at the Lions, and thanks to a few overnights and a crazy ass Saturday, the outside of The Bus was finished just in time for its' 2019 Downtown Debut.
The passenger side:
And the drivers side:
Oh, and this fifty six year old beauty? Even got a new engine!
For what it's worth, The Bus went 5-0 at McFadden's this year. It wasn't ready for the Jaguars roadie, I was in South Dakota for the raiders roadie, and I was in Nashville for the Titans roadie. Sadly, it will not be at McFadden's for the Super Bowl, as the prices they are charging are bat sh*t crazy.
(Seriously, McFadden's -- a $1,000 deposit for a table of eight? We've brought you tables of twenty and have yet to crack the $1,000 mark for our tab! (bastardized "family guy" voice) Damn McFadden's! You greedy!)
* The Pillow, Week Five (vs Colts).
Technically, this has been a part of The Bus for almost a decade now. It was made out of the bedsheets our late, great buddy Greg rested in during the last year of his life, that was tragically cut short nine years ago now. I usually ride in the back of The Bus on the way out to Arrowhead, and get to stare straight ahead at this beauty. I pray I never forget why it means so much.
* The Sunrise, Week Six (vs Texans).
This needs no words or description:
* What Football Is Truly All About, Week Nine (vs Vikings).
My buddy Chance and his younger brother:
Also from that Vikings game, perhaps my favorite t-shirt I saw all year that didn't involve the words "f*ck" and "broncos":
* (Dionne Warwick Voice) "That's What Friends are For", Week Ten (at Titans).
I made this roadie with four good friends -- my Titans buddies Nicole and Andrew, as well as Amanda and her boyfriend Mike:
(left to right: Nicole, me, Andrew, on the pedestrian bridge crossing the Cumberland River to the stadium.)
(left to right: Andrew, Nicole, Amanda, Mike, me, tailgating in Lot G (because, of course, we'd pick Lot G to tailgate)).
(both images above, credit to random strangers, via my iPhone something.)
Sadly not captured in a picture? The two to three minutes we got to spend with the lovely Brittney, the funny tik-toking Jackson, and the hysterical Randi, who swung through our tailgate on the way into the stadium that awesome Sunday morning. (AKA "The Mahomes Family".)
(Not so awesome? The drive back. When we left Nissan Stadium (as if losing 32-35 wasn't bad enough), it was pushing 80 degrees. I was shedding layers in the lower bowl, in mid-November. Always a good thing! When we stopped in St. Louis to decide whether to stay the night or push on home a little before 10pm, it was 15 degrees out and snowing. Weather, you drunk!)
Yeah, here was ("jersey shore" voice) the situation when I woke up about ten the next morning, after driving half the night to make it back to Waldo:
Oh but don't worry folks. We're not done with snow yet. In fact, (the carpenters voice) we've only just begun ...
* The (Arguably) Most Painful Picof the Season of my Life , Week Ten (at Titans).
I couldn't let this one go without sighing in disgust. The Parthenon, Nashville, the night before the Chiefs / Titans contest. I still am in utter and total denial that the Gore / Lieberman Victory Party never occurred here, twenty years ago:
Let's just move on before I go off on a curse word-laden rant, like I did seeing that place two months ago.
* (Patty Smyth Voice) "Sometimes Love? Just Ain't Enough", Bye Week.
Snapped this one waiting to get onto the freeway, to begin the drive down to Dallas:
OK, fine, I'll go there. Does (s)he have (bastardize jay-z voice) 989 problems, but the b*tch ain't one? (rimshot!) I mean, holy 'ho Batman! How proud has this chick got to be of her track record! For f*ck's sake, I don't even know 990 people! Let alone f*cked that number of people!
And also from that roadie, on the way home:
I snapped this one before entering the Chocktaw Nation Casino, Resort, RV, and Entertainment Complex in lovely Durant, Oklahoma. (Note: this actually is a kick-ass casino ... and yes, "The Voice of Reason" and I once gambled at a blackjack table there, while eating birthday cake to celebrate Chocktaw's 19th anniversary. #thanksforthememories)
This sign never fails to make me laugh ... because let's acknowledge the Captain Oats in the room. Most places post signs on their door noting what won't be allowed, because enough people have brought it in from the outside, to make a sign necessary. Think "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service". Or "Firearms Prohibited Inside This Establishment".
How awesome has this place got to be, that they have to remind patrons they can't get high at the slot machines inside? How many people had to have been blazing away (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, to make this customer warning necessary?
Also, it's probably good they didn't judge how I smelled entering that place on that Sunday morning ...
* The Snow Game, Week Fifteen (vs those people).
There are no words to express the joy of this day. But I'll try to let the following pics do the job:
* Another Year, Another Noose, Week Seventeen (vs "Super" Chargers).
It arrived one game later than expected ... but its' now Seis Noose Donkey!
* (Jim Nantz 2004 Masters Voice) Is It (Their) Time? YES! At Long Last!, AFC Title Game.
Lest you doubt my love of this team, we were second in line in the, uuh, line, to get in at Gate Six:
* The Ticket, AFC Title Game.
This thing will never be deleted from my Apple Wallet:
--------------------
Which just leaves one captured moment, uuh, uncaptured. That is your next post ...
It's a hunger,
That tries to keep a man
Awake at night.
Are you the answer?
I shouldn't wonder,
When I can feel you
Whet my appetite!
With all the power you're releasing?
It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone!
Anticipation runs through me;
Let's find the keys and turn this engine on!
I can feel you breathe!
I can feel your heart beat faster ...
Take me home tonight!
I don't wanna let you go 'til you see the light!
Take me home tonight!
Listen honey -- just like Ronnie said?
Be my little baby!!! ..."
-- "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money. Of everything I never dreamed in my wildest, uuh, dreams, that I'd live to see, that occurred on Sunday, January 19, 2020? Hearing 73,625 plus of my closest friends screaming "Take Me Home Tonight!", as the clock inched slowly yet steadily to triple zeroes in the fourth quarter, has to be near the top of the list. God bless it, that was so damned cool!
(Sadly, no videos of that "performance" are on Youtube!, that I could find. Which is probably for the best. Some sh*t is best left to those, privileged enough to witness it in person ...)
--------------------
This Chiefs season has been special, actually beyond special, in so many ways. And thankfully, I was able to capture a few of those special moments, that made this season so, uuh, special.
Below are all but one of my favorite captured moments, of the 2019 Chiefs season * .
My favorite captured moment, will post as its' own, uuh, post, after this post goes up. And go figure, my favorite, is not only the last one on the (iPhone) camera roll ... but it's the only captured moment, I didn't personally, uuh, capture ** .
Enjoy?
--------------------
(*: these are appearing in chronological order. Which seems fitting, given that my favorite captured moment, occurred on AFC Title GameDay.)
(**: all image credits in this post, unless otherwise noted, were captured by me, via my iPhone something. The season started as an 8 Plus; it ended as an 11 Plus. The one regret I have from this season: I never should have given up the 8. The 11 is such a piece of sh*t that it's probably appropriate the case around it is dark, dark brown.)
--------------------
* The Mural Is Unveiled, Week One (at Jaguars).
My commute to and from work, on a normal day, consists of exiting my driveway, taking Madison to 79th, 79th to Wornall, Wornall from 79th to Ward Parkway, then the Parkway to JC Nichols / Broadway, ultimately ending up at the PennTower complex at 31st and Broadway.
(Then reverse the route to head home.)
All summer long, the Ale House at 42nd-ish and Broadway had tarps up hiding what was going up on their south-facing wall. Right after Labor Day, they unveiled the finished work of art. And my God, (seinfeld voice) it is real, and it is spectacular:
Let's just say, this commute beats the hell out of the old one, sitting on the "never gonna finish the construction" *** South Loop for thirty minutes, to move four miles, from State Line to Metcalf.
(***: I was wrong! The entire south loop of 435 is pretty much finished, from K10 to the Triangle. And it's six lanes in each direction! It only took twenty six years to finish widening and rebuilding that bastardo, but God bless it, it might have been worth the wait!)
* The (Final?) raiders Roadie In "The Garage", Week Two (at raiders).
Every year for the past decade or so, a decent group of us heads up to Sioux Falls to catch the raiders roadie in Ian's garage-come-ultimate-man-cave. (And then our raider and Chiefs fans up there, head down here for the home game against the raiders.)
Given that the raiders are moving to Vegas, this might be the last trip north to catch the raiders roadie.
So if only for the last time, the finest place Sioux Falls has to offer (and I actually mean that as a compliment; I love Sioux Falls):
* A Bar Where "The Chief" Exists, Week Two (at raiders.)
In lovely -- and sweet Jesus, do I use that term loosely -- in lovely Hudson, South Dakota, which is about a forty minute drive southeast of Sioux Falls, and is literally across the river from eastern Iowa -- there is a bar called Waddy's:
Waddy's is famous up there for its' Bloody Mary mix, and (go figure) for its' Bloody Mary's ... which they call "The Chief". You can't make this sh*t up folks.
* Tailgating Begins, Week Three (vs Ravens).
This was snapped right after we got the tents up, a little after 7am on that rainy, miserable Sunday morning. Don't believe me? Here's the scene almost three hours later:
Thankfully, the rain tapered off by kickoff, and the Chiefs won 33-28, to improve to 3-0 on the season, and gain what looked to be at the time, a huge tie-breaker advantage over the Ravens.
And this is a large reason why ...
* The Yellow End Zones, Week Three (vs Ravens).
(the great anthony j. bruno voice) Beautiful.
* The Outside Is Finished!, Week Four (at Lions).
My group always goes to McFadden's for away games that we aren't in attendance for. (Or in The Pool to watch, if said roadie falls on Weeks One or Two most years.) Our first trip to McFadden's this season was for the Week Four game at the Lions, and thanks to a few overnights and a crazy ass Saturday, the outside of The Bus was finished just in time for its' 2019 Downtown Debut.
The passenger side:
And the drivers side:
Oh, and this fifty six year old beauty? Even got a new engine!
For what it's worth, The Bus went 5-0 at McFadden's this year. It wasn't ready for the Jaguars roadie, I was in South Dakota for the raiders roadie, and I was in Nashville for the Titans roadie. Sadly, it will not be at McFadden's for the Super Bowl, as the prices they are charging are bat sh*t crazy.
(Seriously, McFadden's -- a $1,000 deposit for a table of eight? We've brought you tables of twenty and have yet to crack the $1,000 mark for our tab! (bastardized "family guy" voice) Damn McFadden's! You greedy!)
* The Pillow, Week Five (vs Colts).
Technically, this has been a part of The Bus for almost a decade now. It was made out of the bedsheets our late, great buddy Greg rested in during the last year of his life, that was tragically cut short nine years ago now. I usually ride in the back of The Bus on the way out to Arrowhead, and get to stare straight ahead at this beauty. I pray I never forget why it means so much.
* The Sunrise, Week Six (vs Texans).
This needs no words or description:
* The Moment I Realized I'm Old, Week Six (vs Texans).
Fourth quarter on a perfect Danny Darrell Memorial Weather Day (aka "mid 70s and not a cloud in the sky"), when I realized, perhaps the beard isn't blond after all:
Ugh. Grey. When did this happen? How did this happen? I'm too young to go grey!
* What Football Is Truly All About, Week Nine (vs Vikings).
My buddy Chance and his younger brother:
Also from that Vikings game, perhaps my favorite t-shirt I saw all year that didn't involve the words "f*ck" and "broncos":
* (Dionne Warwick Voice) "That's What Friends are For", Week Ten (at Titans).
I made this roadie with four good friends -- my Titans buddies Nicole and Andrew, as well as Amanda and her boyfriend Mike:
(left to right: Nicole, me, Andrew, on the pedestrian bridge crossing the Cumberland River to the stadium.)
(left to right: Andrew, Nicole, Amanda, Mike, me, tailgating in Lot G (because, of course, we'd pick Lot G to tailgate)).
(both images above, credit to random strangers, via my iPhone something.)
Sadly not captured in a picture? The two to three minutes we got to spend with the lovely Brittney, the funny tik-toking Jackson, and the hysterical Randi, who swung through our tailgate on the way into the stadium that awesome Sunday morning. (AKA "The Mahomes Family".)
(Not so awesome? The drive back. When we left Nissan Stadium (as if losing 32-35 wasn't bad enough), it was pushing 80 degrees. I was shedding layers in the lower bowl, in mid-November. Always a good thing! When we stopped in St. Louis to decide whether to stay the night or push on home a little before 10pm, it was 15 degrees out and snowing. Weather, you drunk!)
Yeah, here was ("jersey shore" voice) the situation when I woke up about ten the next morning, after driving half the night to make it back to Waldo:
Oh but don't worry folks. We're not done with snow yet. In fact, (the carpenters voice) we've only just begun ...
* The (Arguably) Most Painful Pic
I couldn't let this one go without sighing in disgust. The Parthenon, Nashville, the night before the Chiefs / Titans contest. I still am in utter and total denial that the Gore / Lieberman Victory Party never occurred here, twenty years ago:
Let's just move on before I go off on a curse word-laden rant, like I did seeing that place two months ago.
* (Patty Smyth Voice) "Sometimes Love? Just Ain't Enough", Bye Week.
Snapped this one waiting to get onto the freeway, to begin the drive down to Dallas:
OK, fine, I'll go there. Does (s)he have (bastardize jay-z voice) 989 problems, but the b*tch ain't one? (rimshot!) I mean, holy 'ho Batman! How proud has this chick got to be of her track record! For f*ck's sake, I don't even know 990 people! Let alone f*cked that number of people!
And also from that roadie, on the way home:
I snapped this one before entering the Chocktaw Nation Casino, Resort, RV, and Entertainment Complex in lovely Durant, Oklahoma. (Note: this actually is a kick-ass casino ... and yes, "The Voice of Reason" and I once gambled at a blackjack table there, while eating birthday cake to celebrate Chocktaw's 19th anniversary. #thanksforthememories)
This sign never fails to make me laugh ... because let's acknowledge the Captain Oats in the room. Most places post signs on their door noting what won't be allowed, because enough people have brought it in from the outside, to make a sign necessary. Think "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service". Or "Firearms Prohibited Inside This Establishment".
How awesome has this place got to be, that they have to remind patrons they can't get high at the slot machines inside? How many people had to have been blazing away (brantley gilbert voice) back in the day, to make this customer warning necessary?
Also, it's probably good they didn't judge how I smelled entering that place on that Sunday morning ...
* The Snow Game, Week Fifteen (vs those people).
There are no words to express the joy of this day. But I'll try to let the following pics do the job:
* Another Year, Another Noose, Week Seventeen (vs "Super" Chargers).
It arrived one game later than expected ... but its' now Seis Noose Donkey!
* (Jim Nantz 2004 Masters Voice) Is It (Their) Time? YES! At Long Last!, AFC Title Game.
Lest you doubt my love of this team, we were second in line in the, uuh, line, to get in at Gate Six:
And finally ...
* The Ticket, AFC Title Game.
This thing will never be deleted from my Apple Wallet:
--------------------
Which just leaves one captured moment, uuh, uncaptured. That is your next post ...
Saturday, January 18, 2020
y day minus one: (chris berman voice) the pick(s) are in ...
The NFC Prediction.
* Packers (+7 1/2) 34, at 49ers 31 (OT). See last year's AFC Title Game for my rationale and/or reasoning for this pick. (Proven veteran quarterback refusing to let his possible last credible chance at a Lombardi go to waste, willing his team to victory (phil collins voice) against all odds.)
--------------------
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
(archie voice) we ready ... we ready ... we ready ... for y'all ...
--------------------
"All her life, she has seen?
The meanest side of me."
--------------------
Here we are, twenty four hours out from the pre-party waiting for the gates of, uuh, Gate Six, to swing wide open, and begin what will be either possibly the happiest sports day of my life ... or without question -- (allard baird voice) without question -- the worst. (And no doubt many of you reading this, feel the same way).
But rather than dwelling on those emotions of joy and anticipation, or fear and anxiety, I find myself dwelling on pure raw anger, if not outright hatred, and most assuredly extreme frustration, over a meme that has overtaken Twitter (as well as other social media and regular media) this week regarding this game.
So let me state up front: if you feel that my anger and disgust and frustration about to be expressed below is targeting you, because you happen to share the meme's core (misguided and fatally flawed) belief?
Well, then you might want to start reading now.
Not stop -- start.
Because my righteous anger?
Has never been so well placed.
--------------------
"They took away the prophet's dream?
For a profit on the street."
--------------------
If you search Twitter for thatillustrious site's cesspool of the worst this world has to offer's thoughts on Sunday's fake oilers and Chiefs matchup, there is one overwhelming theme that you cannot escape.
And no, the theme that enrages me is not the "how are the Chiefs going to stop Derrick Henry" question. For starters, we won't. I mean, as the late, great Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith once noted: "if you ignore the obvious, anything is possible".
Because in our first go-around with these fine folks, Mr. Henry had nearly 180 yards with twelve minutes to play, in Nashville ... and the Chiefs had the ball, up nine. It took an epic fumble returned for touchdown, a Dusty C brain fart never to be repeated again, a Ryan Tannehill conversion likely never to be seen again, a blocked field goal, and the worst play call of "Fat" Andy's career (seriously, Blake Bell the only option?), to give the fake oilers the win. Derrick Henry did not win that game. We lost it.
Mr. Henry can run for 300 yards for all I care. Just like two months ago, he's not going to decide who wins this game on Sunday.
(Nobody on the fake oilers sideline, is going to determine who wins on Sunday, for what it's worth. But anyways.)
Let the fake oilers attempt to do whatever the hell they want to attempt to do. I don't give a sh*t. And frankly, neither should you.
--------------------
"But now she's stronger than you know --
A heart of steel starts to grow ..."
--------------------
We know what to expect from the fake oilers. Because we know that despite the fake oilers best effort, the Chiefs -- and this is the rock bottom scenario people -- we know that the Chiefs will have the ball, with a shot to tie or win, late in the game, no matter what the fake oilers do.
How do we know this?
Because it is what the Chiefs do!
--------------------
"All his life, he's been told?
He'll be nothing when he's old."
--------------------
In every single game that counts this season (meaning all but the indefensible but necessary evil that is preseason football), the Chiefs have either (a) had the ball with a shot to tie or win inside the final five minutes of the game, or (b) have led by so much, the final five minutes of the game didn't matter.
Doubt me? Here you go.
* They blew out the Jaguars in Week One, in a game I believe they never trailed, by thirty.
* They closed out yet another AFC West stadium the right way * in oakland Week Two by twenty-ish.
* They led by thirteen with four to play against the Ravens in Week Three, and won by five via the victory formation.
* They got the ball back with under three to play at Detroit, trailing by three. They won by four.
* They had the ball inside of five to play against the Colts, trailing by six. (The Colts held on fourth down.)
* They had the ball inside of five to play against the Texans, trailing by seven. (The Titans held on fourth down.)
* They blew out those people at fake mile high in Week Seven by nearly thirty points.
* With a high school coach at quarterback, they had the ball down seven with five to play against the Packers in Week Eight. (The Chiefsstupidly punted on fourth down.)
* With a high school coach at quarterback, they had the ball tied with two minutes to play against the Vikings in Week Nine. They won on a field goal as time expired.
* They got the ball back inside of a minute to play in Nashville in Week Ten, down by three, and got to attempt the tying field goal from a reasonable distance. (It was blocked.)
* They led by fourteen with four to play in Week Eleven, against the "Super" Chargers in Mexico. They won by seven via the victory formation.
* Bye surrendered as only bye and "Sur" William Callahan, can, uuh, surrender, to their opponents.
* They beat the f*cking sh*t out of the raiders by 31 in Week Thirteen ** . Always a blast!
* They led the Patriots in New England by fourteen with eight to play, and by six at the two minute warning. The defense held on fourth and goal to win.
* They destroyed those people by three touchdowns in the snow in Week Fifteen. (So much fun! #neverdenver)
* They may have ended Mitchell Trubisky's relevance as a quarterback in Chicago in Week Sixteen via a woodshed beating in prime time.
* They led the Chargers by three with three to play in Week Seventeen. They won by ten, as perfectly called by Kevin Harlan and Dick Gannon.
* Once again, bye surrendered as only bye and "Sur" William Callahan's former boss, "Surrender" Steve Pederson, can, uuh, surrender to their opponents.
* After spotting the Texans twenty four points, the Chiefs led by four at the half, by twenty seven with five to play, and won by twenty.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can confidently and arrogantly predict, that what the fake oilers do on Sunday won't matter a hill of beans (linkin park voice) in the end.
Please, if you read about what Derrick Henry or Ryan Tannehill or Mike Vrabel are going to do to us on Sunday, please -- (twenty one pilots voice) don't believe the hype!
Because like both political parties platforms?
The hype for what the fake oilers are allegedly going to do to us, is an indefensible load of lies, shouted to the masses atop a mountain of the foulest smelling bullsh*t one can imagine.
--------------------
(*: in 2000, the Chiefs closed out Real Mile High with an epic 23-22 comeback. In 2016, the Chiefs closed out The Q with a 37-27 rout of the "Super" Chargers that clinched the AFC West. In 2018, the Chiefs destroyed the Chargers 38-28 in their final game at Dignity Park (a game they led 38-10), and as someone far more talented with words than me once noted, "there was nothing dignified about the Chargers season". In 1994, the Chiefs closed out the raiders occupancy of The Coliseum 19-9, in a de facto playoff game against them. And this season, we closed out the Real Black Hole with a 28-10 victory that saw the Chiefs score 28 unanswered points. That's 5 for 5, against (current) AFC West opponents in their final home game against us. Suck that, divisional foes. Also, the Chiefs won their final game at the Real Sombrero to open the 1993 season against former divisional foe Tampa Bay. Ain't we lucky we got 'em? (Na Na Na Na Na!) Good Times!!!!!)
(**: this game, more than any other this season, defines why I am so f*cking frustrated with Chiefs Twitter right now. We'll get to this shortly. And by "shortly", I probably mean "twelve pages from now in the Fake Word I use on the Chromebook, to type these posts".)
--------------------
"All the kicks and all the blows?
He won't ever let it show."
Actually, I changed my mind.
By "shortly", let me explain "now".
The media -- and to be fair, I pretty much bought into this narrative, because it was at least technically true -- the media hyped up that raiders game as the "Battle for the AFC West". 6-5 oakland at 7-4 Kansas City.
The reason I note the records? The raiders entered that game with the ability to tie the Chiefs atop the division with four to play. The division was completely and totally up for grabs with five games to play ... at least until kickoff.
The Chiefs not only won that game by five scores ... but they clinched the division the following week, and won the division by five full games (six with tiebreakers) over both the raiders and those people.
From a division being up for grabs, to clinching it a week later, to winning the division by pushing half a season's worth of contests, all accomplished in the most difficult month on the schedule.
There's a word to describe what the Chiefs did this entire season, what the Chiefs did in December, what the Chiefs did in the most epic quarter in franchise history so far, last week against the Texans.
There's an accurate, truthful, (howard 100 voice) "no more bullsh*t" word, to describe what the Chiefs have done this season, and why I and many of you will be freezing our balls off tomorrow (which beats what fake oilers coach Mike Vrabel plans to do to his manhood) for ten plus hours, to watch this team one last time this season in person.
Why Twitter (and damned near every other media outlet, social or otherwise) can't get the word that explains why that will occur, right?
Is why I'm so frustrated.
--------------------
"'Cause he's stronger than you know --
A heart of steel starts to grow ..."
--------------------
So let's pull a "bizarro" Hannibal Smith here, and actually acknowledge the obvious.
There is one -- and only one -- person that truly controls the outcome to Sunday's game, and that one and only person, is "Fat" Andy Reid.
And actually, on this point, Chiefs media and I pretty much agree. (Especially Arrowhead Pride -- I cannot recommend Kent ... excuse me, "Rant" Swanson's diatribe on what the Chiefs need to do Sunday (it's in the last ten minutes) enough, and how "Fat" Andy controls the key to the car, so to speak, to make it happen. It ... it's absolutely glorious.)
Everything on Sunday is in the hands of "Fat" Andy. As it should be, to be honest.
And yet ... even "Rant" Swanson tended to use the wrong word, (javier colon via cyndi lauper voices) "time after time", to describe Sunday. Just like so damned many people this week have.
What has me so righteously outraged, is what people are saying about "Fat" Andy's opportunity Sunday (and by extension, the Chiefs opportunity, and by extension, our opportunity as fans).
Because the predominate password everyone seems to be using, is "deserve".
And using "deserve" as the password to describe Sunday?
Could not possibly be a worse decision, than damned near anything I've ever done in my life.
And considering I should be the picture in the dictionary next to the phrase "f*ck up and fail", that's saying something.
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)"
--------------------
Look it, I get the sentiment. We all root for the good guys in life who fight and struggle and scrape and scrap and somehow, someway, seem to fall just short of what it is they set out to attain. (I mean, it's why y'all love me, right? Right?
But Chiefs fans? Peoples and peepettes? Random stoned dude stumbling onto this post while (president clinton voice)not inhaling the last of his roach *** ?
"Fat" Andy doesn't deserve this win. The Chiefs don't deserve this win. Us Chiefs fans, loyal season ticket holders (holla!), die hard fans unable to be there tomorrow but rooting on from wherever y'all happen to be?
We don't deserve this win.
Not after this season. Not after the last seven seasons. Not after the last thirty something seasons.
Hell no. Oh hell no. Oh hell f*cking no, we do not deserve this victory on Sunday.
Deserve doesn't even begin to describe it.
--------------------
(***: please, if you're sensitive to chemical dependency, skip this note **** ... but note: (dierks bentley voice) am I the only one who still prefers his weed via an expelled Swisher? Most everyone else seems to have moved on to vaping (and to be fair, that includes me during tailgating via Coltin's electric thingy, but still). Do roaches even exist anymore outside of the Casa de Stevo? And, once again dierks bentley voice, "am I the only one" who can't figure out which effing button to push, on the electric thingy, to get the hit? I feel like NBC should do a "The More You Know" promo on this. Also, in the words of Green Day: "am I just stoned"?)
(****: so I met up with my buddies Andrew and Brock last night at everyone's favorite "lounge", as they're in for this game, being Titans fans. (As I proof and attempt to edit this on Saturday morning, one is asleep on the couch, the other in the guest room.) And the funniest moment last night had to be when for some reason (subnote: alcohol was involved), Brock went off on howdumb f*ck stupid enlightened "woke" millennials are, and how idiotic necessary support and/or therapy animals are. "Seriously, who the hell needs a f*cking peacock in their lap to get through life! Other than my girlfriend if you lost the pea!" I could not stop laughing for a solid twenty minutes. Sh*t, I was crying from laughing so hard. This is probably where I should note, Brock is 24, and Andrew is 25. Yes, peoples and peepettes, there is still hope, for the (joe pesci in "my cousin vinny" voice) utes in this country.)
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
You've been working every day and night?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!) ..."
--------------------
Because the correct password?
The one way too few people are using this week?
Is "earn".
We have earned this game on Sunday. Re-read the stat lines (way far) above for every game this season. And then realize this: the Chiefs arethe only team in the NFL one of two teams to not lose a game by more than seven points. And the two we lost by seven points? One we started a high school coach at quarterback, against the team I'm predicting to win the NFC tomorrow night!
Let that sink in! Your playoff teams this year?
* The Ravens lost by fourteen at home to the Browns. The Cleveland f*cking Browns! To say nothing of what the fake oilers did to them (barenaked ladies voice) one week ago.
* The Patriots lost by twenty in Baltimore, and damned close to that amount in Houston.
* The Texans just lost by twenty here, in a game they led by twenty four. Oh, and they somehow lost by double digits to a 3-8 those people squad. At home!
* The Bills got demolished by three scores at home to the Eagles.
* The fake oilers were shut out at fake mile high, lost to the lowly clueless Jaguars by two touchdowns, lost to the Saints -- in a "win and you're in" game at home! -- by ten (in a game that wasn't even that close), and somehow found a way to sh*t the bed at Carolina by two scores to boot. (And we're supposed to be afraid and/or terrified of these people? (nell carter voice) Gimme a break!))
* The Packers got destroyed by the Bay by four touchdowns, in prime time to boot.
* The Saints got demolished at home by a 1-7 "Shane" Falcons squad, and lost by twenty in LA.
* The Eagles lost by thirty in Dallas, twenty-ish in Minnesota, and couldn't manage an touchdown at home against the Seahawks.
* The Seahawks lost by fourteen to the "Super" Cardinals at home, and to the Ravens by the (old school tv show voice) same bat score, at the same bat stadium.
* The Vikings just got raped by the Bay last week, lost at home by two touchdowns with the division on the line to the Packers, and couldn't score a touchdown in a double digit loss in Chicago.
The only other NFL team to not lose a game by more than seven points?
Go figure, is also hosting a Title Game this weekend -- your San Francisco 49ers.
So please, spare me this utter nonsense that "Fat" Andy or the Chiefs or Patrick Mahomes "Of the Chiefs" or us Chiefs fans "deserve" this game, this win, this Super Bowl berth, this coin-flip proposition of hosting the greatest championship parade of all time, spare me this utter nonsense that we "deserve" this.
We don't "deserve" it.
We've f*cking earned it.
--------------------
"All the hurt, all the lies?
All the tears that they've cried?
When the moment is just right?
You see fire in their eyes!"
--------------------
Because Sunday, Chiefs fans?
Is what we have been fighting for our entire lives.
This is what we have spent thousands of ... well, you name it. Hours, dollars, emotions, shouts, claps, naughty words, beers, streamers, no matter what you think of, we've invested thousands into that word you think of.
Again -- whatever you may think, hear, feel, see, touch, imbibe, inhale, snort or screw when it comes to Sunday? Never, ever doubt -- we have earned this (whitney houston voice) one moment in time.
--------------------
"'Cause (we're) stronger than you know!
(Our) hearts of steel start to grow!"
--------------------
As the great Norman Dale noted in "Hoosiers": "we're way past big speech time here".
Because as the theme to this (jimmy buffett voice) one particularharbor post denotes:
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)
When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been working every day and night?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)"
--------------------
If you need a pep talk to invest a few hours of your day tomorrow into simply enjoying every godd*mned moment, of what is going to be the greatest day of our Chiefs fandom, then I don't know what to tell you, other than these (vice president biden voice) three words, that absolutely, totally, and undeniably apply to you, if you are a Chiefs fan, and those words are these:
We have earned Sunday.
I've been noting all week in response to every comment sent to me on Twitter or Facebook (sorry, but those are the only two social media concoctions I use ... although "reputable singles site" still draws my attention from time to time ...), as I've been noting all week, Sunday is going to be the greatest party this city has ever thrown.
--------------------
"She's got lions in her heart,
A fire in her soul!
He's got a beast in his belly
That's too hard to control!
'Cause they've taken too much hits,
Taken blow by blow.
Now they light a match --
Stand back! Watch them explode! ..."
--------------------
Show up early. Plan to stay late. Come ready to celebrate. Come ready to cheer, to shout, to (jim valvano voice) have your emotions moved to tears. There's a ceiling that Secretary Clinton failed to shatter, that's about to get danced on.
Everything has been building to this. The match, peoples and peepettes, has been lit.
All that's left now, is to stand back, and watch the mother f*cker explode.
If you need a place to party, you know where to find us. (Lot G, on the grass just north of the G30 sign. Find our red bus and the Mahomies bus, and head for the tents in between.) As always, anyone and everyone who desires to be there will be welcomed (journey voice) with open arms. We don't discriminate, we don't disapprove of people, we don't bar or ban you, no matter who you are, who you choose to root for, vote for, or how god awful you sound shouting the words to "Daydream Believer". (There's video out there, I've been told. Y'all who know me, know how awful my normal voice sounds. Try setting it to music after seven shots of Fireball and half a dozen Kingdom Ale's. It's ... as the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner would note, it is something ... really special.)
Sunday is all about one thing. What we -- the collective we -- what we who are the Red and Gold off (but most especially on) the field, have earned.
Because God bless it, the explosion we're about to witness?
Is going to be real, and it is going to be beyond spectacular.
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
When you've been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!) ...
Power! Power! Power! Power!
Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!
Power! Power! Power! Power!
Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!"
--------------------
To quote my hero in life, my father: "this is going to be an ass kicking of Biblical proportions" on Sunday.
It's our time now.
It's OUR time now!
(See? Even nearly forty years ago, Coach Brooks got it! "Earned"! Not "deserved" -- earned!)
* at Chiefs (-7) 52, fake oilers 13. The entire second half is going to be one very long, jubilant countdown to the moment I have waited my entire life to see, the moment Clark Hunt accepts his daddy's trophy on behalf of Chiefs Kingdom.
Even odds I'll be crying even more than Mr. Hunt, when that moment finally arrives, at pushing 6pm Arrowhead time, a little over twenty four hours from now.
See ya tomorrow!
(Oh, and your theme was "Superheroes" by The Script.)
* Packers (+7 1/2) 34, at 49ers 31 (OT). See last year's AFC Title Game for my rationale and/or reasoning for this pick. (Proven veteran quarterback refusing to let his possible last credible chance at a Lombardi go to waste, willing his team to victory (phil collins voice) against all odds.)
--------------------
The Chiefs Pontification and Prognostication.
(archie voice) we ready ... we ready ... we ready ... for y'all ...
--------------------
"All her life, she has seen?
The meanest side of me."
--------------------
Here we are, twenty four hours out from the pre-party waiting for the gates of, uuh, Gate Six, to swing wide open, and begin what will be either possibly the happiest sports day of my life ... or without question -- (allard baird voice) without question -- the worst. (And no doubt many of you reading this, feel the same way).
But rather than dwelling on those emotions of joy and anticipation, or fear and anxiety, I find myself dwelling on pure raw anger, if not outright hatred, and most assuredly extreme frustration, over a meme that has overtaken Twitter (as well as other social media and regular media) this week regarding this game.
So let me state up front: if you feel that my anger and disgust and frustration about to be expressed below is targeting you, because you happen to share the meme's core (misguided and fatally flawed) belief?
Well, then you might want to start reading now.
Not stop -- start.
Because my righteous anger?
Has never been so well placed.
--------------------
"They took away the prophet's dream?
For a profit on the street."
--------------------
If you search Twitter for that
And no, the theme that enrages me is not the "how are the Chiefs going to stop Derrick Henry" question. For starters, we won't. I mean, as the late, great Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith once noted: "if you ignore the obvious, anything is possible".
Because in our first go-around with these fine folks, Mr. Henry had nearly 180 yards with twelve minutes to play, in Nashville ... and the Chiefs had the ball, up nine. It took an epic fumble returned for touchdown, a Dusty C brain fart never to be repeated again, a Ryan Tannehill conversion likely never to be seen again, a blocked field goal, and the worst play call of "Fat" Andy's career (seriously, Blake Bell the only option?), to give the fake oilers the win. Derrick Henry did not win that game. We lost it.
Mr. Henry can run for 300 yards for all I care. Just like two months ago, he's not going to decide who wins this game on Sunday.
(Nobody on the fake oilers sideline, is going to determine who wins on Sunday, for what it's worth. But anyways.)
Let the fake oilers attempt to do whatever the hell they want to attempt to do. I don't give a sh*t. And frankly, neither should you.
--------------------
"But now she's stronger than you know --
A heart of steel starts to grow ..."
--------------------
We know what to expect from the fake oilers. Because we know that despite the fake oilers best effort, the Chiefs -- and this is the rock bottom scenario people -- we know that the Chiefs will have the ball, with a shot to tie or win, late in the game, no matter what the fake oilers do.
How do we know this?
Because it is what the Chiefs do!
--------------------
"All his life, he's been told?
He'll be nothing when he's old."
--------------------
In every single game that counts this season (meaning all but the indefensible but necessary evil that is preseason football), the Chiefs have either (a) had the ball with a shot to tie or win inside the final five minutes of the game, or (b) have led by so much, the final five minutes of the game didn't matter.
Doubt me? Here you go.
* They blew out the Jaguars in Week One, in a game I believe they never trailed, by thirty.
* They closed out yet another AFC West stadium the right way * in oakland Week Two by twenty-ish.
* They led by thirteen with four to play against the Ravens in Week Three, and won by five via the victory formation.
* They got the ball back with under three to play at Detroit, trailing by three. They won by four.
* They had the ball inside of five to play against the Colts, trailing by six. (The Colts held on fourth down.)
* They had the ball inside of five to play against the Texans, trailing by seven. (The Titans held on fourth down.)
* They blew out those people at fake mile high in Week Seven by nearly thirty points.
* With a high school coach at quarterback, they had the ball down seven with five to play against the Packers in Week Eight. (The Chiefs
* With a high school coach at quarterback, they had the ball tied with two minutes to play against the Vikings in Week Nine. They won on a field goal as time expired.
* They got the ball back inside of a minute to play in Nashville in Week Ten, down by three, and got to attempt the tying field goal from a reasonable distance. (It was blocked.)
* They led by fourteen with four to play in Week Eleven, against the "Super" Chargers in Mexico. They won by seven via the victory formation.
* Bye surrendered as only bye and "Sur" William Callahan, can, uuh, surrender, to their opponents.
* They beat the f*cking sh*t out of the raiders by 31 in Week Thirteen ** . Always a blast!
* They led the Patriots in New England by fourteen with eight to play, and by six at the two minute warning. The defense held on fourth and goal to win.
* They destroyed those people by three touchdowns in the snow in Week Fifteen. (So much fun! #neverdenver)
* They may have ended Mitchell Trubisky's relevance as a quarterback in Chicago in Week Sixteen via a woodshed beating in prime time.
* They led the Chargers by three with three to play in Week Seventeen. They won by ten, as perfectly called by Kevin Harlan and Dick Gannon.
* Once again, bye surrendered as only bye and "Sur" William Callahan's former boss, "Surrender" Steve Pederson, can, uuh, surrender to their opponents.
* After spotting the Texans twenty four points, the Chiefs led by four at the half, by twenty seven with five to play, and won by twenty.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can confidently and arrogantly predict, that what the fake oilers do on Sunday won't matter a hill of beans (linkin park voice) in the end.
Please, if you read about what Derrick Henry or Ryan Tannehill or Mike Vrabel are going to do to us on Sunday, please -- (twenty one pilots voice) don't believe the hype!
Because like both political parties platforms?
The hype for what the fake oilers are allegedly going to do to us, is an indefensible load of lies, shouted to the masses atop a mountain of the foulest smelling bullsh*t one can imagine.
--------------------
(*: in 2000, the Chiefs closed out Real Mile High with an epic 23-22 comeback. In 2016, the Chiefs closed out The Q with a 37-27 rout of the "Super" Chargers that clinched the AFC West. In 2018, the Chiefs destroyed the Chargers 38-28 in their final game at Dignity Park (a game they led 38-10), and as someone far more talented with words than me once noted, "there was nothing dignified about the Chargers season". In 1994, the Chiefs closed out the raiders occupancy of The Coliseum 19-9, in a de facto playoff game against them. And this season, we closed out the Real Black Hole with a 28-10 victory that saw the Chiefs score 28 unanswered points. That's 5 for 5, against (current) AFC West opponents in their final home game against us. Suck that, divisional foes. Also, the Chiefs won their final game at the Real Sombrero to open the 1993 season against former divisional foe Tampa Bay. Ain't we lucky we got 'em? (Na Na Na Na Na!) Good Times!!!!!)
(**: this game, more than any other this season, defines why I am so f*cking frustrated with Chiefs Twitter right now. We'll get to this shortly. And by "shortly", I probably mean "twelve pages from now in the Fake Word I use on the Chromebook, to type these posts".)
--------------------
"All the kicks and all the blows?
He won't ever let it show."
--------------------
Actually, I changed my mind.
By "shortly", let me explain "now".
The media -- and to be fair, I pretty much bought into this narrative, because it was at least technically true -- the media hyped up that raiders game as the "Battle for the AFC West". 6-5 oakland at 7-4 Kansas City.
The reason I note the records? The raiders entered that game with the ability to tie the Chiefs atop the division with four to play. The division was completely and totally up for grabs with five games to play ... at least until kickoff.
The Chiefs not only won that game by five scores ... but they clinched the division the following week, and won the division by five full games (six with tiebreakers) over both the raiders and those people.
From a division being up for grabs, to clinching it a week later, to winning the division by pushing half a season's worth of contests, all accomplished in the most difficult month on the schedule.
There's a word to describe what the Chiefs did this entire season, what the Chiefs did in December, what the Chiefs did in the most epic quarter in franchise history so far, last week against the Texans.
There's an accurate, truthful, (howard 100 voice) "no more bullsh*t" word, to describe what the Chiefs have done this season, and why I and many of you will be freezing our balls off tomorrow (which beats what fake oilers coach Mike Vrabel plans to do to his manhood) for ten plus hours, to watch this team one last time this season in person.
Why Twitter (and damned near every other media outlet, social or otherwise) can't get the word that explains why that will occur, right?
Is why I'm so frustrated.
--------------------
"'Cause he's stronger than you know --
A heart of steel starts to grow ..."
--------------------
So let's pull a "bizarro" Hannibal Smith here, and actually acknowledge the obvious.
There is one -- and only one -- person that truly controls the outcome to Sunday's game, and that one and only person, is "Fat" Andy Reid.
And actually, on this point, Chiefs media and I pretty much agree. (Especially Arrowhead Pride -- I cannot recommend Kent ... excuse me, "Rant" Swanson's diatribe on what the Chiefs need to do Sunday (it's in the last ten minutes) enough, and how "Fat" Andy controls the key to the car, so to speak, to make it happen. It ... it's absolutely glorious.)
Everything on Sunday is in the hands of "Fat" Andy. As it should be, to be honest.
And yet ... even "Rant" Swanson tended to use the wrong word, (javier colon via cyndi lauper voices) "time after time", to describe Sunday. Just like so damned many people this week have.
What has me so righteously outraged, is what people are saying about "Fat" Andy's opportunity Sunday (and by extension, the Chiefs opportunity, and by extension, our opportunity as fans).
Because the predominate password everyone seems to be using, is "deserve".
And using "deserve" as the password to describe Sunday?
Could not possibly be a worse decision, than damned near anything I've ever done in my life.
And considering I should be the picture in the dictionary next to the phrase "f*ck up and fail", that's saying something.
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)"
--------------------
Look it, I get the sentiment. We all root for the good guys in life who fight and struggle and scrape and scrap and somehow, someway, seem to fall just short of what it is they set out to attain. (I mean, it's why y'all love me, right? Right?
But Chiefs fans? Peoples and peepettes? Random stoned dude stumbling onto this post while (president clinton voice)
"Fat" Andy doesn't deserve this win. The Chiefs don't deserve this win. Us Chiefs fans, loyal season ticket holders (holla!), die hard fans unable to be there tomorrow but rooting on from wherever y'all happen to be?
We don't deserve this win.
Not after this season. Not after the last seven seasons. Not after the last thirty something seasons.
Hell no. Oh hell no. Oh hell f*cking no, we do not deserve this victory on Sunday.
Deserve doesn't even begin to describe it.
--------------------
(***: please, if you're sensitive to chemical dependency, skip this note **** ... but note: (dierks bentley voice) am I the only one who still prefers his weed via an expelled Swisher? Most everyone else seems to have moved on to vaping (and to be fair, that includes me during tailgating via Coltin's electric thingy, but still). Do roaches even exist anymore outside of the Casa de Stevo? And, once again dierks bentley voice, "am I the only one" who can't figure out which effing button to push, on the electric thingy, to get the hit? I feel like NBC should do a "The More You Know" promo on this. Also, in the words of Green Day: "am I just stoned"?)
(****: so I met up with my buddies Andrew and Brock last night at everyone's favorite "lounge", as they're in for this game, being Titans fans. (As I proof and attempt to edit this on Saturday morning, one is asleep on the couch, the other in the guest room.) And the funniest moment last night had to be when for some reason (subnote: alcohol was involved), Brock went off on how
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
You've been working every day and night?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!) ..."
Because the correct password?
The one way too few people are using this week?
Is "earn".
We have earned this game on Sunday. Re-read the stat lines (way far) above for every game this season. And then realize this: the Chiefs are
Let that sink in! Your playoff teams this year?
* The Ravens lost by fourteen at home to the Browns. The Cleveland f*cking Browns! To say nothing of what the fake oilers did to them (barenaked ladies voice) one week ago.
* The Patriots lost by twenty in Baltimore, and damned close to that amount in Houston.
* The Texans just lost by twenty here, in a game they led by twenty four. Oh, and they somehow lost by double digits to a 3-8 those people squad. At home!
* The Bills got demolished by three scores at home to the Eagles.
* The fake oilers were shut out at fake mile high, lost to the lowly clueless Jaguars by two touchdowns, lost to the Saints -- in a "win and you're in" game at home! -- by ten (in a game that wasn't even that close), and somehow found a way to sh*t the bed at Carolina by two scores to boot. (And we're supposed to be afraid and/or terrified of these people? (nell carter voice) Gimme a break!))
* The Packers got destroyed by the Bay by four touchdowns, in prime time to boot.
* The Saints got demolished at home by a 1-7 "Shane" Falcons squad, and lost by twenty in LA.
* The Eagles lost by thirty in Dallas, twenty-ish in Minnesota, and couldn't manage an touchdown at home against the Seahawks.
* The Seahawks lost by fourteen to the "Super" Cardinals at home, and to the Ravens by the (old school tv show voice) same bat score, at the same bat stadium.
* The Vikings just got raped by the Bay last week, lost at home by two touchdowns with the division on the line to the Packers, and couldn't score a touchdown in a double digit loss in Chicago.
The only other NFL team to not lose a game by more than seven points?
Go figure, is also hosting a Title Game this weekend -- your San Francisco 49ers.
So please, spare me this utter nonsense that "Fat" Andy or the Chiefs or Patrick Mahomes "Of the Chiefs" or us Chiefs fans "deserve" this game, this win, this Super Bowl berth, this coin-flip proposition of hosting the greatest championship parade of all time, spare me this utter nonsense that we "deserve" this.
We don't "deserve" it.
We've f*cking earned it.
--------------------
"All the hurt, all the lies?
All the tears that they've cried?
When the moment is just right?
You see fire in their eyes!"
--------------------
Because Sunday, Chiefs fans?
Is what we have been fighting for our entire lives.
This is what we have spent thousands of ... well, you name it. Hours, dollars, emotions, shouts, claps, naughty words, beers, streamers, no matter what you think of, we've invested thousands into that word you think of.
Again -- whatever you may think, hear, feel, see, touch, imbibe, inhale, snort or screw when it comes to Sunday? Never, ever doubt -- we have earned this (whitney houston voice) one moment in time.
--------------------
"'Cause (we're) stronger than you know!
(Our) hearts of steel start to grow!"
--------------------
As the great Norman Dale noted in "Hoosiers": "we're way past big speech time here".
Because as the theme to this (jimmy buffett voice) one particular
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)
When you've been fighting for it all your life?
Been working every day and night?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!)"
--------------------
If you need a pep talk to invest a few hours of your day tomorrow into simply enjoying every godd*mned moment, of what is going to be the greatest day of our Chiefs fandom, then I don't know what to tell you, other than these (vice president biden voice) three words, that absolutely, totally, and undeniably apply to you, if you are a Chiefs fan, and those words are these:
We have earned Sunday.
I've been noting all week in response to every comment sent to me on Twitter or Facebook (sorry, but those are the only two social media concoctions I use ... although "reputable singles site" still draws my attention from time to time ...), as I've been noting all week, Sunday is going to be the greatest party this city has ever thrown.
--------------------
"She's got lions in her heart,
A fire in her soul!
He's got a beast in his belly
That's too hard to control!
'Cause they've taken too much hits,
Taken blow by blow.
Now they light a match --
Stand back! Watch them explode! ..."
--------------------
Show up early. Plan to stay late. Come ready to celebrate. Come ready to cheer, to shout, to (jim valvano voice) have your emotions moved to tears. There's a ceiling that Secretary Clinton failed to shatter, that's about to get danced on.
Everything has been building to this. The match, peoples and peepettes, has been lit.
All that's left now, is to stand back, and watch the mother f*cker explode.
If you need a place to party, you know where to find us. (Lot G, on the grass just north of the G30 sign. Find our red bus and the Mahomies bus, and head for the tents in between.) As always, anyone and everyone who desires to be there will be welcomed (journey voice) with open arms. We don't discriminate, we don't disapprove of people, we don't bar or ban you, no matter who you are, who you choose to root for, vote for, or how god awful you sound shouting the words to "Daydream Believer". (There's video out there, I've been told. Y'all who know me, know how awful my normal voice sounds. Try setting it to music after seven shots of Fireball and half a dozen Kingdom Ale's. It's ... as the late, great Mr. Hugh M. Hefner would note, it is something ... really special.)
Sunday is all about one thing. What we -- the collective we -- what we who are the Red and Gold off (but most especially on) the field, have earned.
Because God bless it, the explosion we're about to witness?
Is going to be real, and it is going to be beyond spectacular.
--------------------
"When you've been fighting for it all your life?
When you've been struggling to make things right?
That's how a superhero learns to fly!
(Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!) ...
Power! Power! Power! Power!
Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!
Power! Power! Power! Power!
Every day! Every hour! Turn that pain into power!"
--------------------
To quote my hero in life, my father: "this is going to be an ass kicking of Biblical proportions" on Sunday.
It's our time now.
It's OUR time now!
(See? Even nearly forty years ago, Coach Brooks got it! "Earned"! Not "deserved" -- earned!)
* at Chiefs (-7) 52, fake oilers 13. The entire second half is going to be one very long, jubilant countdown to the moment I have waited my entire life to see, the moment Clark Hunt accepts his daddy's trophy on behalf of Chiefs Kingdom.
Even odds I'll be crying even more than Mr. Hunt, when that moment finally arrives, at pushing 6pm Arrowhead time, a little over twenty four hours from now.
See ya tomorrow!
(Oh, and your theme was "Superheroes" by The Script.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)