the week eight predictions

It’s a (outhouse dj voice) “What the f*ck, it’s just a buck!” Friday! And what other song could possibly convey the feelings of the season so far, this fluky, miraculous, "how the eff are we pulling this off" season so far, other than …

“When the moment of truth finally comes,
She gives me a look, and then comes undone.
She says “Looks like we’re lucky – someone’s smiling down!”
She grabs her coat and says “see ya around”

Yeah these days, the rabbit doesn’t lie,
He’s just sitting around waiting on two pink lines,
Sitting around waiting on two pink lines …”

“Two Pink Lines” by Eric Church

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Last Week SU: 6-8-0.
Season to Date SU: 57-47-0.

Last Week ATS: 8-6-0.
Season to Date ATS: 51-48-5.

Last Week Upset / Week: are you effing kidding me? How the hell can replay not determine who has the ball in the end zone? Someone from Gene Stenatore’s crew should have been fired over that debacle. I had Miami’s upset win nailed. Had it effing nailed!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 2-6.
This Week’s Upset / Week: well, in the words of Jimmy Buffett:

“But there’s booze in the blender!
And soon it will render!
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on!”

Remember those words come 3:30pm on Sunday, Arrowhead Nation. If you think this game is a layup ... well, there's a reason why I'm picking Bills (+7 1/2) to win outright ... and that reason is Todd Haley's biggest mistake of his coaching career ...

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets Predictions:

(damn sportsline.com odds making everything a ½ point for the official odds …)

* Dolphins (+1 ½) 31, at Bengals 20.
* Jaguars (+6 ½) 34, at Cowboys 3.
* Redskins (+2 ½) 14, at Lions 10.
* donkeys (-1 ½) 45, 49ers 13 (in London).
* at Rams (-3 ½) 31, Panthers 13.
* Titans (+3 ½) 26, Chargers 24.
* at Cardinals (-3 ½) 20, Bucs 10.
* at Patriots (-5 ½) 69, Vikings 0.
* Seahawks (+2 ½) 3, raiders 2.
* at Saints (+1 ½) 28, Steelers 24.
* at Colts (-5 ½) 34, Titans 27.

The Jets Prediction:

Somehow, someway, I’m feeling this season is going to come down to January 23rd at Arrowhead. Jets! Chiefs! My worst nightmare!

Actually, who am I kidding? That’s my dream. The Chiefs, at home, playing to bring Lamar’s Trophy home. If we won that game, you’d need a forklift, a backhoe, and five SEIU thugs to get me out of my seat come Tuesday morning, I’d literally be crying for two straight days if the Chiefs won that game.

The Jets face a tough one this week. A semi-desperate Packers team that, if they steal this one, is facing a now layup-win over Dallas next week, then the bye. The Packers can all but clinch the NFC North if they win this one.

The last time Green Bay visited the Jets in the swamps of Jersey? Week 17 2002. Possibly the funnest game a Jets fan could remember. In case you’ve forgotten … or just didn’t give a sh*t … the Dolphins entered the week at 9-6, visiting the 8-7 Patriots. The 8-7 Jets had tiebreaker advantage over both. So if the Pats could somehow win, the Jets controlled their own destiny in the AFC East.

Coach Herm (a man I will always love. Sorry Chiefs nation, the guy was nowhere near as bad as you all make him out to be), Coach had demanded that not one moment of Miami / New England make its way to the Meadowlands faithful. The Dolphins led 24-13 with 3 minutes to play. Lights out, party over. (The Jets also could have back-doored their way in if Atlanta had beaten Cleveland. Didn’t happen).

Somehow, someway, the Pats rally. A touchdown. A two point conversion. A three and out. A field goal. We’re going to overtime!

And about midway through the second quarter, the scoreboard operator decided “screw Coach”, and put up on the video board the live feed from CBS, Adam Vinatieri lining up in overtime to win the game. The Meadowlands went silent … then ape sh*t crazy as they realized what this meant. (The Jets / Packers score at that point was 7-7, Jets had a 2nd and 10 at their own 37). Coach Herm, possibly p*ssed, probably rattled, calls timeout. As he, Chad Pennington (my favorite NFL player), and others huddle on the sideline, you can’t help but watch. The kick … it’s good! It’s good! Pats win!

And this … is the moment I’ll never forget. Coach Herm grabs Pennington by the face mask, and screams into his face “go win us a championship!” The very next play … Pennington to Santana (do do do doo doo!) Moss, 63 yards. Touchdown. The Meadowlands never shut up after that. It kept getting louder and louder and louder. Jets 42, Packers 14.

This game … won’t even remotely resemble that one.

Packers (+6 ½) 41, at Jets 30. The more desperate team wins.

The Chiefs Prediction:

Believe it or not … the Chiefs have played at home the last two times the (tony bruno voice) National … Football League! has played on Halloween.

And both have been memorable.

The first, in 1999, was the famous “Brandsmart Game”. Chiefs 31, Chargers 0. A game in which the late, great Brandsmart offered anyone who purchased $400 plus from them a free purchase, if the Chiefs shut out the Chargers at home on Halloween. I think the loudest Arrowhead ever got in the Gunther era, was midway through the 4th quarter in that game, when down 24-0, the Chargers went for a 4th and goal at the 3.

The second, in 2004, is one of the 2 or 3 funnest games of the Dick Vermeil era. Chiefs 45, Colts 35. It was a game that briefly threw the Chiefs back into the playoff chase, a game that attempted to erase the painful loss from 10 months earlier to the same team on the same field, and that was just sweet to witness, as the Chiefs won because alleged clutch performer peyton manning completely unraveled in the 4th quarter, tossing two picks to seal his defeat.

The third, being Sunday? Will not be easy. In the interest of full disclosure, there are a few coaches in this league, that I absolutely love, for no obvious, apparent reason. (Well, in this guy’s case, it is apparent).

Wayne Fontes is my favorite head coach ever. Anytime your owner drops the “well, he didn’t quit, and I didn’t fire him” confirmation that the dude is returning, that’s awesome. Plus, you have to love Rasputin.

Herm Edwards, I’ll defend to anyone. Every Jets team he had where the starting quarterback at least made 8 starts, he made the playoffs. He went 2-3 in the postseason. He accomplished as much in 16 games (reach the playoffs once and lose to Indy once he got there) as Dick Vermeil did in 80. I still, to this day, firmly believe that if Carl Peterson had embraced the obvious (2006 was the last gasp, not 2007), he and Herm would still be running things here … and we’d be at least 4-2 right now, just like we are.

(I’m perfectly fine with the current regime, but let’s be real – if we weren’t 4-2 at this point, given who we’ve faced, the talent on the roster, and again, who we’ve faced, someone should be fired).

The third guy in the “trifecta” of “not nearly as bad as you think” coaches?

Chan Gailey.

I lived in Dallas for the “Gailey era”. He took over the crumbling ruins of the 1990s Cowboys … and somehow went 2 for 2 in making the playoffs. Somehow, guiding a team running on fumes into the playoffs twice (going 8-0 in the division in 1998, again, 8-0 in the NFC East, unreal), somehow, that got him fired.

He went to Georgia Tech next … and somehow went 7 for 7 in making a bowl game. Yet that got him fired from “perennial national powerhouse” Georgia Tech.

Those two stops were preceded … by being Pittsburgh’s offensive coordinator. Do the yearly math folks. He was OC for the Steelers from 1995-1997. The Steelers won the AFC Central all three years, and unbelievably, this guy, this Chan Gailey dude? Turned not one, but TWO god awful Steelers QBs into Pro Bowlers. Neil O’Donnell and Kordell Stewart.

Before that? He called the plays in denver. Doesn’t take much to turn the (steve puking from acknowledging the obvious) greatest QB (hang on, still puking …) in NFL history (now bashing myself with a tire iron …) into a Pro Bowler and (kellie, just put me out of my misery, please. i’m sure there’s a knife you can stab me with …) Hall of Famer … but the dude milked a 9-7 season out of rotating quarterbacks! Remember the m&m boys? tommy maddux and shaun moore? They literally rotated plays. denver went 9-7.

(Also unstated? 2000, he was Dave Wannstedt’s OC in Miami. The Dolphins won the AFC East, won a playoff game over alleged all-time-great peyton manning … and Gailey did it with Jay Fiedler under center, and Lamar Smith in the backfield. This guy can flat out coach!)

And in case you’ve forgotten … 2008 here in Kansas City. Remember Tyler Thigpen? Somehow, Chan Gailey took a horrific Chiefs team, and made it competitive on offense. Seriously, browse the archives of Chiefs history and look at our 2008 roster. There’s no way in hell that’s a top 10 offense. And yet, it was, thanks to Chan.

Part of me wants Chan to come in here, and absolutely embarrass this team. This guy is a damned good coach. The Bills will not roll over and play dead on Sunday. This is going to be a last-team-standing type of game.

You laugh now … but watch it unfold. We need every legitimate Chiefs fan in the stands on Sunday. Don’t sit at home and watch this if you can show up in person. If you need a place to tailgate, you know where we are. (Just north of the G30 sign on the grass). We’ll save you as many spot(s) as you need. We need a rocking, filled up Arrowhead. The Bills have won 3 of their last 4 in this stadium. And none of those previous 4 Bills teams was even remotely as competently coached as this one is.

Be loud. Do your part. Show up early. Be prepared to stay late. The division is ours for the taking … provided we win the games like this one. Don’t fool yourself. This is NOT going to be a cakewalk.

(Again, barring kid duty or economic destitution, what’s your excuse to not show up? As someone fully embracing and endorsing the destruction of the Democratic Party as it exists, and knowing at least 3 regulars who have had kids born in the last 3 months … those are legit reasons to crap out. Anything else? Don’t dare call yourself a die-hard if you bail on Sunday. Because you aren’t).

Sadly, my gut says too many of you won’t show up. Too many of you will take the easy way out, thinking the couch beats a hard-back seat in the lower bowl.

Maybe after this one, you’ll get it. Because come Sunday night, the division is going to be a coin flip between us and the donkeys, with both sides controlling their own destiny. (And the donkeys getting two weeks to prep for us in round one of the "winner takes all" AFC West showdown).

Nothing is going to come easy for these guys. If you want a home playoff game, if you want a division championship, if you are as desperate for this team to be a factor as I am … you get your ass into a seat on Sunday and prove me wrong.

Bills (+7 ½) 31, Chiefs 28.

Sweet Jesus, I pray my gut is wrong …