“O come, all ye faithful,
Joyful and triumphant.
O come ye, O come ye,
To Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels.
O come, let us adore Him.
O come, let us adore Him.
O come, let us adore Him --
Christ the Lord.
Sing, choirs of angels!
Sing in exultation!
Sing all ye citizens
Of Heaven above!
Glory to God!
All glory in the highest!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him --
Christ the Lord! …”
-- “O Come All Ye Faithful”. God bless, the Indy 500 will NEVER be the same with Flo and Jim ...
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The Chiefs Prognostication:
I wake up every morning, hearing the most annoying “alarm clock” known to at least me: a yapping Yorkie * that lives next door to me.
I HATE that dog. He robbed me of approximately 1,100,394 hours of sleep during my six month “career sabbatical” earlier this year.
I HATE that dog. His poops -- and I swear, this is true -- his poops literally stink up my bedroom, when the windows are open, as they (so thankfully) have been for most of the last three months.
If the bark doesn’t get you? The stink will. Because despite Karen’s best efforts, her dog always sh*ts right underneath the window next to my bed. (I have my theories on why, namely “this is God having a bit of fun at my expense”. But still, it’s annoying as hell.)
I open with this, to note the following:
Is there a more perfect metaphor, than that, for what the Chiefs have become in this season that now stands on the ledge?
The bark of the media -- and the stink of six losses, four in a row -- infuriates you.
Which begs the question -- because there are four things dogs are incredibly gifted at doing -- barking, stinking, screwing and biting.
We’ve endured the barking, suffered the screwing, and are recoiling at the stinking.
Is Sunday going to be when the 2017 Chiefs bite back … or get bit?
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(*: my parents dog (a Yorkie) is the same way. Bruno barks constantly, and only poops / pees in one spot: on the corner of their front porch. Which is concrete. To say my mom is not a fan of that, is a grouse, criminite understatement. I believe I even heard her drop the s-bomb when he did his business there the day after Thanksgiving. (Pause). I KNEW I got it from somewhere! Other than Uncle Bill, of course …)
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For as awful as things stink at the moment, this season is not over.
It’s in deep trouble … but it is not over.
Everything that was within reach eight weeks ago, is for the most part still there. The Chiefs still control their own destiny. If they sweep the homestand, they win the AFC West. If they beat oakland and LA, and beat those people (while losing to Miami), they win the AFC West. Sh*t folks, there’s even a very plausible scenario in play where the Chiefs clinch the AFC West NEXT WEEK ** !
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(**: the scenario: the Chiefs go 2-0, the Redskins beat the Chargers on Sunday, and the Cowboys beat the raiders next Sunday night. In that scenario, at 8-6 and two games clear of both rivals, the Chiefs would clinch due to holding every tiebreaker. Like I said, it’s plausible. And if you think I sound delusional, I remind you The Immaculate Fourfecta happened.
Also, I pray it happens, so that Peter King can b*tch non-stop for three week about how an 8-8 division winner is hosting an 11-5 wild card team. First trumps second (or third) Pete. First trumps second (or third).)
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But first things first.
If the Chiefs lose to the raiders, it almost doesn’t matter what else happens, because they would hold tiebreaker over the Chiefs (and would essentially move two ahead with three to play). Now, frankly, the raiders closing schedule is just brutal: at KC / vs Dal (SNF) / at Philly (Christmas Night) / at LA (who already won in oakland). It’s far, far more likely the raiders lose out, than win out.
(For what it’s worth, the “Super” Chargers close vs Wash / at KC (Sat Night) / at Jets / vs oak.)
The Chiefs MUST win this game, if they intend to save the season.
And yes, Pete Stoyanovich, twenty years later, we’ve finally found a Chiefs season that needs salvation.
And frankly, there’s only two ways the Chiefs can win this game -- let alone the next two to clinch a second straight division title -- and they both have to click on all cylinders.
Let’s look at the first … which was implemented yesterday afternoon.
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I’ve been saying for three weeks that what this team truly needs is a swift kick up the ass. They need something to happen to get them “woke up”, to use a phrase I despise with a passion *** . Yesterday, I believe “Fat” Andy did that, by suspending Marcus Peters for one game -- this game -- for his funny-as-hell-yet-dumb-f*ck-stupid meltdown late in the Jets game.
I argued the moment Mr. Peters left the field that if I was his head coach, I’d suspend his ass for the rest of the regular season. Because like “Fat” Andy, I saw the golden opportunity for that swift kick up the poop shoot to occur, after Sunday. Everyone knows Marcus Peters is the only corner we’ve got that can cover worth a sh*t. If you sit him? It sends one of two messages to the locker room. Either (a) we’re screwed anyway, so let’s sit our best player on defense and tank … or (b) as President Truman used to note: “the (buck) **** stops here”.
This was a needed development, even if everyone can (or should) see it for what it is: a last desperate roll of the dice by “Fat” Andy to save a season gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Or, as Jack Dawson noted twenty years ago aboard the “Titanic”: “when you got nothing? You got nothing to lose.” The Chiefs currently have nothing -- they’ve lost 6 of 7, the only victory is against arguably the worst team in the NFL (seriously -- would you pick those people or the Browns to win on a neutral field?), and in five of the six losses, “Sir” Alex and the offense had the ball in their hands, either needing a first down to clinch or a score to win, and failed.
Epically failed.
I think “Fat” Andy handled this perfectly. I love that he met with the team leaders AFTER the decision was made. He didn’t accept their input. He didn’t care what they thought. It was his decision, and you’re gonna choke it down, like it or not. And if you don’t like it? You can join Mr. Peters on his couch on Sunday.
It’s a gamble, to be sure. Sitting the one reliable defender you have with your season on the line is one hell of a desperate last gasp roll of the dice. Either this is gonna work, and the slide stops … or we’re going down 34-3 to a chorus of boos the likes of which Arrowhead hasn’t heard since The Blackout in 2012.
Which brings me to the second thing that has to occur, to save a rapidly lost season …
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(***: I am so sick and tired of these alleged left-leaning Democrats getting “woke up”. Hey, dumba**? Maybe if you’d “woke up” on November 8th, we’d have won! Maybe if you’d put down the bong long enough to get to a polling station in Madison, you UW students protesting non-stop, you wouldn’t be protesting! I HATE sore losers more than anything other than hypocrites. I’d argue most liberals are beyond both.)
(****: anyone who studies Mr. Truman knows he meant “bullsh*t” instead of buck. Or pardon me -- “fertilizer”, as Bess kept trying to get him to call it.)
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And that is us.
The fanbase.
The people whose asses will be occupying seats inside of Arrowhead on Sunday.
I’m not going to waste your time typing some rah-rah, “stand up and shout” speech. For starters, I already wrote the perfect on fifteen years ago, when another season threatened to spiral out of control after a promising start, when another coaching era threatened to be judged a failure before it had any right to truly be judged.
If you truly need motivation to show up and cheer the Red and Gold on (jimmy buffett voice) come Sunday, then just print off The Week Four Plea, sub in current opponent and players, and show up ready to throw down for as long as it takes to drag this team across the victory line. Because The Week Four Plea worked -- the Chiefs not only demolished an unbeaten (at the time) Dolphins squad, this was the game best remembered for Trent Green absolutely knocking into the middle of 2004 a Dolphins defender whose name will be familiar to Chiefs fans: Patrick Surtain. Mr. Green absolutely obliterated Mr. Surtain while throwing down a block for Priest to score yet another touchdown. (The Chiefs dropped 48 on Miami that day. Incredibly, it not only was NOT their best offensive day of the season scoring wise … it was their third best.)
Show up prepared to win. Not lose -- win. Show up prepared to cheer. Not boo -- cheer. Show up prepared to make noise. Not sit on your ass in silence -- make noise.
If you need a place to tailgate? You’re always welcome to join us. We will be in our usual spot -- the grassy knoll to the north of the G30 sign. We’re sending six people down to keep the idiot who has tried to occupy our spot the last two weeks, out. (Sending two was barely enough the last two weeks -- we aren’t f*cking around anymore.) The Chiefs allow you to park anywhere inside Lot G if you have a red reserve pass. Easily purchasable at the Chiefs website.
You can park across from us, next to us, or out in Lot L for all we care; you're always welcome to join in.
It’s going to be in the mid 50s and bright and sunny at kickoff, per every local television station, with the high peaking at 61 to 63 (depending on who you trust -- I still trust a man who once referred to some of us as “the sorriest group of trick or treaters I’ve ever seen”, Mike Thompson, the most). The winds should be minimal. Simply put, God has given us the PERFECT December weather day for Kansas City, for the day the 2017 season will be defined, for better or worse. (Part I of course; if we survive Part I, then Saturday is Part II.)
Sunday is the season folks.
Please -- only send the faithful, into that stadium. Only send the believers.
Send you.
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And now, having wasted your last five minutes, I suppose I owe you a prediction.
And my prediction is this.
This game will not be close. I truly, honestly believe that. One team is going to destroy the other. This will not be a replay of Week Seven, which the raiders won via an untimed down. Either “Fat” Andy’s last gasp roll of the dice comes up seven or eleven … or the Chiefs suffer loss number seven, and the season’s clock strikes 11:59.
And to be honest, this one is solely and only based on the heart. Because the head says that the Peters suspension backfires, that derek carr gets his first win at Arrowhead while looking like Warren Moon throwing against Stan Petry, Jeff Donaldson, and Chuck Mincy twenty seven Decembers ago, and this season has the life support pulled from it, and is officially buried next Saturday night.
But the heart … well, allow me to close this down by typing the lyrics of what would have been the theme post, if it wasn’t Chrismukkah season.
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“You feel like a candle,
In a hurricane.
Just like a picture,
With a broken frame.
Alone and helpless,
Like you’ve lost your fight?
But you’ll be alright --
You’ll be alright!
‘Cause when push comes to shove?
You taste what you’re made of!
You might bend ‘til you break?
Cause it’s all you can take.
On your knees?
You look up,
And decide you’ve?
Had enough.
You get mad;
You get strong.
Wipe your hand,
Shake it off.
Then?
You stand! …”
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I’ve had enough.
I trust you have too.
And I -- for better or worse -- believe that each and every member of this organization, especially the Fine Fifty Three wearing a uniform on Sunday, have looked in the mirror, and have gotten mad. They’ve gotten strong.
And they’re ready to f*cking stand.
Which I -- and hopefully all of you -- will be doing a LOT of on Sunday.
Get LOUD!
Get PROUD!
And then, as Blake Shelton would encourage you to do?
As the late, great Herb Brooks said nearly forty years ago: “if you lose this game? You will take it to your f*cking grave! (Pause). Your f*cking grave!”
Sunday?
Please come if you’re faithful … ready to witness the last stand.
And so, my prediction?
(stevo sighing in disgust voice) Take a mother f*cking guess.
* at Chiefs (-4) 38, raiders 13.
Hope to see you Sunday!
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