“Someday at Christmas?
Men won’t be boys,
Playing with bombs
Like kids play with toys.
One warm December?
Our hearts will see,
A world?
Where men are free!
Someday at Christmas?
There’ll be no wars!
When we have learned
What Christmas is for?
When we have found
What life’s really worth?
There’ll be
Peace on earth!
Someday? All our dreams will come to be!
Someday? In a world where men are free!
Maybe not in time for you and me --
But someday at Christmas time! …”
-- “Someday at Christmas”. And if you think any version of my favorite secular Christmas song other than Stevie Wonder’s is worth listening to, we need to have a very stern conversation about how wrong, how so, so wrong, you are …
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Last Week SU: 6-10-0.
Season to Date SU: 114-78-0.
Last Week ATS: 6-10-0.
Season to Date ATS: 105-79-7.
Last Week Upset / Week: (scooby doo voice) whroot whroo!
Season to Date Upset / Week: 4-10-0 SU; 6-7-1 ATS.
This Week’s Upset / Week: Eagles (+2 ½) over Rams.
The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets Predictions:
* at “Shane” Falcons (+1) 34, Saints 20.
* at Bengals 16, Bears (+6) 13. “Gordon Shumway Game O’ The Week” honors.
* at Panthers (+3) 27, Vikings 17.
* Lions (NL) 20, at Bucs 10. I treat (NL) as a pick ‘em for ATS purposes.
* at Bills (NL) 24, Colts 21. “Designing Women Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Packers (-3) 20, at Browns 3. “Webster Game O’ The Week” honors.
* 49ers (+3) 27, at Texans 20. “Good Times Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Cowboys (-4) 27, at Giants 10.
* Redskins (+6) 34, at “Super” Chargers 24.
* at “Super” Cardinals (+4) 13, Titans 10. “Empty Nest Game O’ The Week” honors.
* Eagles (+2 ½) 31, at Rams 30. “NYPD Blue Game O’ The Week” honors. (Note: this is a good designation! No, really! “NYPD Blue” is still, all these years later, my favorite television show of all time * . This designation only gets hauled out when a game is so f*cking good, I WON’T be watching my new (old) guilty Sunday afternoon pleasure -- the “NYPD Blue” marathon Audience airs every week.)
* Seahawks (+2 ½) 20, at Jaguars 14.
* Ravens (+5) 24, at Steelers 21 (OT).
* Patriots 30, at Dolphins (+11) 23.
(*: my top ten favorite shows of all time? Glad you (didn’t) ask … 10: “Hunter”. Laugh if you want; I’ve been mocked for worse. 9: “Good Times”. Like this. 8. “Boy Meets World”. Although if you laugh at this, you should be b*tch slapped. 7. “Roseanne”. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is more fired up for the (no doubt disasterous) reboot in a couple months. 6. “Friday Night Lights”. If you’ve never seen this show, pull up season one’s “Mud Bowl” and give it a try. If you aren’t completely and totally addicted after watching “Mud Bowl”, then I guess the show isn’t for you. 5. “How I Met Your Mother”. I still stand behind my defense of the final episode. 4. “Law and Order”. Speaking of shows that need a reboot! 3. “Lost”. If anything, it is two slots too high. Time hasn’t aged this one well. 2. “You’re The Worst”. This is the only show I have ever binge-watched and became addicted to. It’s phenomenal. Because good God, are me and the artist formerly known as “The Ex” Jimmy and Gretchen -- completely self-absorbed, completely self-destructive, and yet, somehow, it worked for a while. 1. “NYPD Blue”. Still the greatest. Just missed the cut? “The Sopranos”.)
The “Klassy” Kevin Keitzman Tweet O’ The Week:
Well, let’s see what The Klassy One has been tweeting about this week, shall we?
For those of you who don’t know me well, I should probably note, that for most Chiefs home games, I wear a Marcus Peters jersey. I love the kid. He’s just … he’s just a f*cking idiot who not only somehow succeeds at his job, people love him despite himself! (Gee, wonder who that sounds like.)
Having said that, I nearly spit out the pinot grigio when I picked this one from “K”KK for this week’s installment, because I was laughing so hard:
I like it when I get to laugh with Ol’ Klassy, instead of at him.
The Watching Party Plans:
There are no The Watching Party Plans, as this is a Chiefs game I will be in attendance at.
The Tailgating Plans:
At last count, there are seventeen -- seventeen! -- raider fans coming in from Sioux Falls for this one. The first six arrive tomorrow. The next nine get in Friday, and then finally the last two limp in around lunchtime on Saturday.
The menu for this game is what it always is for the raiders game: raider ribs, smoked to perfection by Russ the Bus Man. We’re also smoking corned beef (seriously, a smoked reuben is the best f*cking sandwich ever … and also, it appears I’ve rediscovered my love of the f-bomb this week! Yay me! Yay us? (Pause). Yay us!), either a ham or turkey, and baked beans. “The Kids” are handling side dishes, and the Springfield folks are handling the dips and desserts.
This is gonna be the biggest tailgate of the year at this point -- we’ve got 22 riding The Bus out, and Rudy has volunteered Tom’s truck to put all the tailgating accessories in, to squeeze a couple more people on. I talked with Ryan on Messenger earlier today; they’re bringing 14. Throw in Roger and his crew, and we’re talking 50 people.
Also, you can breathe easy: “Kids Krew Kooks” Day has come and gone with nobody dying. We’ll have the trained professionals back doing what they are, uuh, trained to do this week when it comes to the grills.
As always, anyone who wishes to be a part of the fun and festivities is welcome to join in. I mean, sh*t, we let me in the door every week; if a reprobate like me ** is welcomed every week, you’re probably in good standing.
(**: I’m really not that bad. The only person I tend to screw over is me.)
“Disreputable Mexican Food Truck” Update:
I got nothing. Like, literally, nothing. It hasn’t been there this week, due to a water main break narrowing Broadway to one lane in each direction (meaning no street parking). How the poor kids who use the Penn Valley parking garage haven’t rioted yet, I have no idea. Because it’s a traffic catastrophe on Broadway pretty much non-stop until this bastardo is fixed.
The Jets Best Guess:
The Jets are favored at those people.
That is not a typo.
The New York f*cking Jets, a team many picked to go 0-16, is FAVORED at fake mile high.
Whatever happens to the Chiefs the rest of the way, at least we can all celebrate and dance a jig of glee over what those people have become -- from Super Bowl champs to underdogs at home to a team many picked to go winless, in less than two years.
Oh, and never forget -- in the words of derek wolfe: “it’s sad that we’re a team that stinks and nobody respects us”. No matter how ugly it may or may not get at Arrowhead on Sunday, at least we’re not home underdogs to the New York f*cking Jets.
(Even if we did lose to them.)
* Jets (-2) 24, at those people 6.
Oh, and you’re welcome for brock olivo, you classless c-words. No, really -- the gratitude is all ours! Sh*t, can we send you “Bulldog” Bob Sutton next year? Because we still owe you at least -- at least! -- 66,546,093,583,684 sh*ttacular coaches for what you sent us in greg robinson.
Coming (probably) tomorrow: The Chiefs Prognostication. I have to re-write portions of it after today’s news that Marcus Peters has been suspended. My reaction to said suspension may stun you, given Mr. Peters is my favorite player on the roster. (Fine, it will stun you -- I didn’t think the Chiefs had the balls to do it, and I honestly don’t think it’s long enough. I’d have suspended him for the rest of the regular season, and dared him to challenge it. Although, he’d probably just grab “Fat” Andy’s challenge flag and chuck that into the stands, if it had come to that.)
The reason WHY I feel as I do about the suspension, though, is why I have to re-write a significant chunk of my (p*ss poorly) prepared remarks. I hope that’s a good thing. Because I despised about 95.44% of what I wrote, in the Chiefs portion of these remarks this week.
Until then, do yourself a favor you won’t regret -- think of one person in your life you either don’t appreciate enough, or don’t treat fairly enough, and buy them something you think they need or will appreciate. Because someday at Christmas? This petty sh*t between people?
Isn’t going to matter worth one sh*t.
And that day cannot arrive soon enough.
Oh, and please -- (sgt. esterhaus voice) be careful out there ...
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