And I am left to sell?
The path to heaven runs
Through miles of clouded hell
Right up to the top?
Don't look back.
Turning to rags, and giving
The commodities a rain check.
I don't ever want to let you down!
I don't ever want to leave this town!
'Cause after all --
This city never sleeps at night!
It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger
But then? I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was.
Now don't you understand?
That I'm never changing who I am!
It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger
But then? I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was.
Now don't you understand?
That I'm never changing who I am! ..."
-- "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons.
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"The Decade That Was", in Thirteen Parts:
Intro. (Set to Brantley Gilbert.)
13. Nebraskapalooza. (Set to Diana Ross and The Supremes.)
12. Sometimes, You Gotta
11. How What Appears On First Glance to Be the Worst Year Of the Decade? Was Actually the Best ... In Hindsight. (Set to Imagine Dragons.)
10. We're Playing BuKCsketball! We're Playing BuKCsketball! (Set to Jason Mraz.)
9. My "Online Idols". (Set to Bon Jovi.)
8. The Week That Set the Decade In Motion ... In Hindsight. (Set to my favorite song from "Motown, The Musical".)
7. The Chiefs Moments I Cherish. (Set to The Weeknd.)
6. The Most Important Thing In This Life. (Set to Eric Church.)
5. The Concerts That Still Impact Me. (Set to Matt Nathanson.)
4. The Thirteen Things I Wish Still "Existed". (Set to Foo Fighters.)
3. So ... Let's Define Stevo. (Set to Gavin DeGraw.)
2. The Sole and Only Reason(s), This Site Exists. (Set to "My Favorite Song of All Time".)
1. My Closing Comments On "The Decade That Was" ... and "The Decade To Be". (Set to Gary Allan.)
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11. How What Appears On First Glance To Be The Worst Year Of The Decade? Was Actually The Best ... In Hindsight.
If you had told me five years ago, that the year I'd be the most thankful for out of these last ten, would be 2013, I'd have laughed myself into a coma, at the utter ridiculousness of that idea.
I remember reaching the end of 2013 and being completely confident that no year in my life would ever be worse, and only 2004 might approach it on the Awful-O-Meter.
And yet, and man is hindsight a wonderful thing ... today? I would actually rank 2013 as, at worst, the third best year of my entire life, five years after 2013's ending. (1998 is definitely the best; it's a coin flip for me between 2003 and 2013, for the second best.)
And I suppose, that is why "It's Time", which for those of you who have been living in a cave for the last five, six years, is Imagine Dragons' first major hit, coming to you late spring 2012 and hanging in the charts well into early 2013 ... I suppose that's why this song just so royally hits me.
Life and its components can throw at me whatever the f*ck it wants to. 2013 certainly threw about every awful thing you can think of being flung in my direction.
And here I am, still standing.
Or, to put it in a completely inaccurate manner?
"Now don't you understand?
I'm never changing who I am! ^ "
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(^: hey, I've never used one of these ^ thingies before for a subpoint! Anyway, you have to read to the finish, to get the ^.)
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For all intents and purposes, you can divide my life into five categories that drive the definition of it:
1. Family
2. Friends (especially the ones I consider to be family).
3. Work
4. Chiefs Football
5. Everything Else *
And in 2013? All of those categories were rocked to their foundation.
Which is the damned best thing, that could have ever happened.
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(*: for those of you who don't know me, I am not a religious person. I have my faith. I am not religious. And yes, there is a significant difference, between those two things -- faith and religion. Remember, Saint Paul didn't say "now exists three things: religion, hope, and love". He said faith, for a reason. And a damned good one, at that.)
--------------------
When it came to Chiefs Football, I mean, sweet merciful Lord Jesus, how does it get worse than it was, entering 2013?
How could it sink any lower than the first weekend of December 2012?
Well, to me, it did, via a 3-38 historic rout at those people, to end the season, and end the worst season of the sport any fan could possibly endure.
And then ... the house cleaning began.
And since said house cleaning? It has been virtually all positive -- then and now. In the interest of full disclosure, I wasn't the biggest fan of the "Fat" Andy Reid hire; I lay out my reasons why in this post. And in the interest of full disclosure, I doubt that anyone other than "Fat" Andy loved the trade for "Sir" Alex Smith more than I did; I lay out my reasons why in this post.
We had a magical five year run with these two manning the franchise for all intents and purposes ** . Five winning seasons. Four playoff berths. Two division championships. And the first playoff win in eight thousand twenty some odd damned days.
I'm going to save more of a look back at the Chiefs these past ten years, for Number Seven in this series. (So ... two months from now? (rimshot!))
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(**: in case you doubt me, there are only two stretches in Chiefs history, where they have posted at least five consecutive winning seasons, with at least four playoff berths in there: 1989-1997 (nine straight winning seasons, seven playoff berths, three division titles) ... and 2013-2017 (five straight winning seasons, four playoff berths, two division titles). In fifty five years, we've had exactly two sustained periods of success. That ... that is, to haul out a voice I haven't hauled out in a while ... (stevo in college voice) that's no bueno.)
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When it came to work? Holy hell.
The year started with our accounting department of three down to two, as Carol battled cancer. Somehow, Belk and I got everything done on time. Lots of Saturdays, lots of shady approvals, lots of questionable decisions ... but we got that blue book done, dammit!
And after six months of crap, came May 15th, Carol's first day back.
And then came May 16th ... when come 11am, I was the last person standing in the accounting department at "former employer", effective July 15th.
(Yes -- "former employer" waited until she'd worked her first full day back after beating stage three cervical cancer, to drop the layoffs. #ethicsmyass)
Those next two months sucked. There's few things in life more demeaning and degrading than having to explain to your replacement what it is that you do, and how it is that you do it.
(Trust me -- what Steve and Carol went through five years ago, I went through last March and April ... and my job was apparently so complex and undoable for two people to handle -- let alone the one that was me, that did it all for four years -- that my "separation date" was extended three times last year. First from April 14 to April 28, then to May 15, and then finally to May 31.)
And yeah, once Steve and Carol left, it sucked. I kind of, sort of, detailed my feelings on it in this post.
And in that post, in those two layoffs, my life suddenly and (at least as of now) permanently, shifted for the far better.
Being put in the position I was, didn't make any sense to me. I'm not what you would define as a "leader". I prefer to be the dude in the background. ("golden girls" theme song voice) And if you threw a party? I'd be the dude sitting on the couch, watching whatever you had on the TV. Suddenly I had to step up and take command of things. The layoffs forced me outside of my comfort zone, and it's made me not only a better employee ... but I'd argue a better person.
When you have nobody else to blame your issues on but yourself?
Then you start fixing yourself.
And God above knows, nobody
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Friends.
Yikes.
2013 saw "The Family" not only completely implode for all intents and purposes (of all nights, on Easter Sunday -- and again, remind me who it is, that doesn't believe in coincidence) ... but also saw the last time the four of us were in the same room together, as of today.
It was at "The Ex"'s reception, the day before the Texans game that October.
(It's in there ... closer to the top than the bottom, for once.)
I've been in the presence of each of them since that day -- incredibly enough, on multiple occasions in each case -- but the four of us have never been together in one spot again, since that day *** .
And probably never will.
Five years ago, that enraged me.
Today? I don't feel rage.
I feel relief.
--------------------
(***: the funniest moment from Chiefs 2017 was running into the artists formerly known as "The Champ" and "The Chica" in the security line, entering the Redskins game. Let's just say, Section 132 was in tears from laughing so hard, at "The Chica"'s reaction to seeing me behind her ... and "The Champ"'s reaction as well. This is a story best told in person, to be honest. It's that damned hilarious.)
--------------------
Between the sports team I irrationally love being in (stewie griffin voice) roo-eens, the person that for a decade was my best friend, and his wife, and my ex, the four of us not speaking to each other, other than to scream obscenities and suggestions to do to each other what is anatomically impossible, and a job situation that was driving me to drink at levels that frightened me, I did what any semi-sane, somewhat rational dude who has little to no faith in a higher power would do.
I tried to get the f*ck out of here.
A reinsurance company in north Dallas reached out to me in March of 2013, asking me to interview for an accounting position. The interview should have been a slam dunk. They reached out to me. I knew both people I'd be meeting with. And the appeal of the (on the horizon) offer's location is obvious to anyone who knows me. I've been trying to get back to Texas ever since I left it nearly twenty years ago after college.
The interview was on Friday, March 29, 2013.
It is the only interview in my life, I have ever left with little to no doubt, that I wasn't getting the job **** .
To say I was p*ssed, is a grouse understatement. But again -- when you only have yourself to blame, then you have to take a look in the mirror, and begin to fix the man looking back at you, in it.
Only ... I didn't.
I just continued to b*tch, moan, complain, drink, cope, stress ...
Until the last component of life that matters to me, hit the f*cking iceberg.
--------------------
(****: this is actually a true story. I interviewed once for my first job (age fifteen, McDonalds); I worked there all the way through high school, and a couple summers in college. I interviewed once for my second job (college years, at the library); I started that same afternoon. I had two interviews for a job exiting college; I had offers from both companies. I had one interview for Transamerica; it may have taken a few months, but I was hired. I had one interview at "most recent former employer"; I had an offer before I even got home, on the answering machine. And I wasn't even ready to look for a job last summer at this time when "current employer" came calling. I was asked to take a drug test the day after interviewing, and started the day after Labor Day last year. Even the one job that wrecked me for a while -- between the first one out of college, and TA -- I interviewed and was hired, on the same day. The lesson? I never botch interviews. I completely imploded with the one, with Scor five years ago. For those of you who believe in coincidence? Keep reading. I'll change your mind.)
--------------------
The first weekend of October 2013, started off ... well, in hindsight, perfectly. It began with a trip to a restaurant I despise, coupled with a lady plowing into the back of Mr. Reason's car, on the way back to the office after lunch.
It also saw the passing of one of our favorite relatives on my dad's side of the family, Skip. Diagnosed with cancer, gone not even a week later. My dad and I were planning to head up to Chicago for the funeral that next week.
Instead, not even twenty four hours after Skip passed, I had to inform Chicago that not only were we not coming, but they'd better prep to send a few folks this way later that week.
Because on Sunday, October 6, my dad technically died twice in a hour.
He did die once -- for about twelve minutes. He was in Hen House grabbing some stuff for lunch, prepping to head to Rimann for some beer, to have for the Chiefs game in Nashville at noon that day.
He collapsed in the chip aisle. Thankfully, a lady there knew CPR, and kept giving it until the paramedics arrived, and revived him after those twelve minutes. He then was off for Shawnee Mission.
A little after noon, the Chiefs recovered a muffed punt for a touchdown, to open the scoring that day. My phone rang almost immediately after the extra point. I saw it was dad's number, and figured he was calling to celebrate.
Instead, it was the paramedic dialing the last number dad had called, to get in touch with someone in the family. I will never forget his words as long as I live: "get your ass to Shawnee Mission as fast as you f*cking can, and I will meet you at the ER door!"
(Note: the paramedic was a friend of my brother's growing up, and I worked with his dad at "most recent former employer". He knew who I was, and who dad was. Still, when a paramedic is dropping f-bombs to get you to move, you tend to pay attention.)
That next week sucked. Dad had to go through a procedure where they chill your body to 89 degrees for 24 straight hours. You're basically dead -- again -- because his brain had been without oxygen for so long, the fear that the brain was gone was in play. Thankfully, dad pulled through OK, and he's not only still with us five years later, but if anything he's in better health than he was five years ago.
But damn. I wouldn't wish that week -- or most of my 2013 -- on even my worst enemy.
Except ...
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Five years later? Everything I viewed as the latest in a long line of catastrophes in my life, has proven to be the exact opposite. The Chiefs are not only respectable, but they're about to enter arguably the most anticipated two to three year run in franchise history. I work now for a company that seems to respect its' employees, and values a healthy work / family balance (unlike "most recent former employer", which didn't seem to comprehend its' employees do things other than work and sleep). In the irony of ironies, the implosion of "The Family" only strengthened my relationships and friendships with so many other people, because it finally allowed the truth about Stubbs and its' aftermath to come out ***** .
And most importantly, dealing with the fallout from dad?
Fixed the single most broken beyond repair relationship in my life.
My relationship ... with my mom.
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(*****: there's hints of the truth in there, if you look for them. Oh, and also, despite it all? I still feel the same way, nearly a decade later, as I did that night, to open May 2009.)
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My mom and I basically tolerated each other in limited doses for about twelve, thirteen years, entering that first Sunday of October 2013. From that Sunday when dad died twice, through that following Saturday (it's in there, in the Chiefs prediction portion of this post), my mom and I were with each other non-stop. Literally, non-stop, for six straight days. It forced us to deal with our problems head on ... because it's that, or deal with the well-intentioned visitors that were for the most part clueless, about what was going on.
It forced me to admit that she means well, and that faith does matter in this life ****** , not just the next one. It forced her to admit that sometimes, your kid does some f*cked up things because he's 25 and is a dumb ass ... but that one or nineteen dumb f*ck mistakes doesn't mean you failed as a parent; it means your kid is still trying to evolve into something he just isn't yet.
It forced us both to admit, that we're far, far better together, than we were apart.
--------------------
(******: scroll to the last couple sections, it's in there. Also, "The Annual Column" used to be my favorite post of the year. That one linked above, is the last one I've written. Yeah, 2013 was not fun in the moment, to put it mildly. Also, I'd forgotten "New Major". God bless it, that week ... to quote carl peterson: "(that week) is all class. Except without the c, and without the l.)
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And that's why, in hindsight, 2013 is the year that was the best of this decade.
Did I lose a lot in 2013? Well sure.
But sometimes -- and as sports fans, we all have to admit this is true.
Sometimes? You gotta implode the old run-down facility, and replace it with something better.
--------------------
"The Family" didn't survive 2013. That's ok. Sometimes, you're better off without the negative influences in your life. And certainly one can make a very credible argument, former best friend or not, that I've never had a worse influence in my life, than Dusty ******* .
The Chiefs were in ruins entering 2013, with literal dead bodies to show for the previous campaign. And yet, not even ten months later, I cared so little about the catastrophe 2012 was, that I penned what is to this day my favorite post I've ever written. (And I still stand behind every word in it ... up to the prediction part, of course. (The Chiefs lost 17-27 that night.))
It saw my life as it was, try to drive me five hundred miles away, back to where I thought I would be happier, or at least less stressed, less anxious, less pressured.
Now? I've never been happier to fail at something in my life, in hindsight, than I am in knowing that I completely botched that interview.
Because six months later, dad fell dead for a few days, and thankfully recovered ... but if I'm in Dallas, the reunion with my mom doesn't happen. One can debate if mom and I would have ever reconciled to where we are today without dad's health issues (I think we would have at some point, because inevitably he would have had a health crisis that did the same thing at a later date) ... but noone can deny that if I'm in Dallas? We don't have that week together.
A week that at the time, I'd have sold for a rotted apple ... and now, wouldn't sell for anything, up to and including my soul.
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(*******: this is an abject lie; James is the worst influence I've ever had in my life. And I've rarely if ever cried harder, over losing someone in this life, than I did over losing him, fourteen years ago come Monday (August 20th).)
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I suppose I close with this.
I can joke that my dad is my hero in life ... and honestly that's not a joke. He is.
And I can joke that there is noone in life I respect more than my brother ... and honestly that's not a joke. It's the truth.
But I can say without the slightest hint of irony, sarcasm, or humor, that there is noone in life I love more, than my mom.
It took a year as awful as 2013, to realize that.
And that's why 2013 means so damned much to me. Sometimes? You have to lose everything you think matters most to you, and sometimes, you have to see destroyed the things you value the most?
To realize just how wrong, how so f*cking wrong, your priorities were.
And realize that what truly matters most?
Was there in front of you, all along.
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(^: hey! It's that ^ thingie Mabel! He did come back to it! (Pause). (reader voice) Sh*t, that means I lost the bet! Sonofa ...
In case you haven't figured it out? The theme? Is the key to the post ... because it's arguably the most indefensibly wrong song lyrics wise, I love. Don't listen to Dan Reynolds and the boys, readers. Never stop evolving. Never become so static, that who you were five years ago, defines who you are today. That what you believed five years ago, is an unquestioned tenet of your faith today. It's totally cool to be who you are; God knows you'll rarely meet someone more, uuh, "special", than me. But I'm not who I was in 2013, or in 2008 when this site began. And I hope you aren't either.)
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Up next is Number Ten: "We're Playin' BuKCstetball!". This is ... this is the Mystery Seven (going to back The 100,000 Pyramid, I suppose) of this series of posts. If you think about it, you'll get the "category", and guess the "answers". But you really have to think about it, because there's no obvious answer, on first glance ...
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