idol top 10 ... the recap

And we're underway.

The judges late getting to their spots because they're talking it up with Smokey Robinson and Berry Gordy.

Pauler and Ryan have a lil' something something going on?

Simon "would not say I am looking forward to this". I'm with you. Motown Week is usually an utter catastrophe.

I'm fast forwarding through the recycled Motown history montage that Idol hauls out every year. Should bring me 5 minutes closer to enjoying an all new "Lost".

Smokey Robinson's face is just scary. Tone down on the botox man.

Matt up first! Doing "Let's Get it On!" This has potential. I love Marvin Gaye. Matt's my main pony, puppy, or rooster in this race. This has potential. Up until he sat down at the piano. This is NOT a song meant to be played in a lounge type setting ... and then he hits the chorus and BAM! Piano no more! This is actually developing really well. The first verse was a waste though. He's hitting his stride ... OOH! Let's Get it On! If the spirit moves ya, let me groove ya! Damn, I love this song. The first 30 seconds sucked. The last 90 were very good. Randy says he's a contender for the top spot. New judge says "there's a lot of girls out there going yeah! let's get it on!" I'm guessing by your facial expressions you're one of them. Pauler calls his riffing "tasteful and classy". She's in peak form already, 11 minutes in. Simon calls it a "cool performance". Go Matt Go!

OOH! Let's Get it On! Damn, I really love that song.

Kris up next, doing another Marvin Gaye classic, "How Sweet It Is". Please, let this run on Marvin Gaye mean Anoop is covering "Sexual Healing". Please, dear God. Please. I don't ask you for much ... but come on. If ANYONE ever on Idol was destined to cover "Sexual Healing" its Anoop Doggy Dogg! (Or should-have-won season 6 runner up Blake. I'd love to see what Blake could do to it ...)

I should probably note I like the James Taylor version better. Kris is not doing either Taylor or Gaye, instead opening with the guitar, but unlike Matt, he doesn't drop the crutch. This is just kind of ... there. Its not bad, but its not awe inspiring. He could be a surprising bottom 3 contestant this week. He's not hitting the high notes at all, not even trying. Pauler's dancing, but I'm not. This is ok. There will be at least 4 performances better tonight, and probably 4 worse. Perfectly mediocre. New judge loved it. Pauler doesn't know what the note he hit at the end is. Oy. Simon tells him he needs to start believing in himself. I agree, you have to have self belief if you're going to win this thing. Randy complimentary as well. The blind squirrel up next.

Come on, he has to do Stevie Wonder this week. Especially after failing to cover Ronnie Milsap last week.

Holy crap, you have to be blind to wear this outfit. Pink pants, a pink / brown shirt, and a brown suit coat. Oh my God. Tacky doesn't begin to describe the look. I'm pretty sure I have baby pictures where I'm wearing leisure suits this awful, but man, this is brutal. He's doing "You Can't Hurry Love" by Diana Ross and the Supremes. Scott is "single right now". Really. I can't believe that. That's like saying Steve is single right ... oh wait, I'm not anymore. Hooray me!

Let's see how he butchers this classic.

You can't hurry love, but you should hurry this song, its not meant to be a lounge act. Which is how this opens. And now he steps it up. Whoa, he nearly effed up the lyrics. This actually isn't that bad. I won't be paying $.99 on iTunes for it, but I fear he's safe for another week. This is a perfectly decent effort. (Dammit). The finish was kind of cool with the piano riff. Pauler liked it. Throwing out technical terms that make no sense whatsoever to 95% of the viewing public. Simon: "There was a line in the song when you sang how much more can you take ..." He hated it. I didn't think it was that bad. Simon calls it "cheap". Other judges split. Moving on.

Megan up next.

Pauler just made a funny. "Its under my skirt!" Megan doing "For Once In My Life". She thinks its working for her. Its not. Smokey calls her "cabaret". Smokey looks hacked to have to praise her. Megan asks if "I should fool around with that more". If by "that" you mean Steve, then yes! yes! hell yes! I'm telling you, get this girl a nose stud, and I might like her. Even though her singing talent is non-existant.

Oh. My. God. Picture a cruise ship, with 300 60 plus year olds in the lounge for the evening's entertainment, and that is EXACTLY what this is. Simon is completely disinterested. This is wretched. This is ... (chuck barkley voice) TURRIBLE! Its off pitch, its off key, oh my God. Its like one of the Golden Girls singing this on a cruise ship. Its hideous. She's done. If she survives this week, America needs its head examined. (Which I'd argue we already do for voting how we did in November, but anyways). This was ... I'm going to invoke the "S" word. A word I rarely use in relation to anyone to describe how bad it was, the "S" word.

Megan was "Sanjaya" bad.

Randy calls it a "trainwreck". New judge not a fan. Pauler praising her beauty. But can't praise much else. Simon notes "This isn't Top Model". And calls it "horrible", noting that "whoever is advising you, I would fire". Simon thinks she's in "serious trouble".

Anoop Doggy Dogg! up next!

Hang on, let me refill the shiraz, light a candle and say a prayer here ...

"cause when I get that feelin, I need sexual healing! sexual ... healing ... aw baby ... makes me feel so fine! its such a rush! helps to relieve my mind! and its good for us! sexual ... healing! its good for me, sexual ... healing is something that's good for me ..."

OK, let's see what happens here.

DAMMIT! "Ooh Baby Baby" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Son of a ... really. You couldn't give me this ONE little bundle of joy. Oh well. Maybe Adam got "Sexual Healing", on second thought, that would be even better. Actually, that might be Ben Harper-esque awesome ...

Anoop's doing decently with this. He's basically trying to match the Smokey version, and its not bad. He's got a solid vocal range. Very good job. New judge calls it a hard song to sing, which is true. Thinks he did a pretty good job, which is true. Wow, she's making sense for once. Pauler rambles but finally says good job. Simon says great vocal, but it put people to sleep. Good point. I'm ready for Lost so I'm skipping Randy's comments to make up some time.

Oh no. Michael Sarver up next. This might be how Megan survives, is because this guy would be worse. He didn't make rehearsal due to being ill. Uh oh. Doing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg". (george takei voice) oh my. This is either going to rock or be worse than a trainwreck. And shockingly, its not the latter. This is actually not bad. Megan, pack your suitcase, you're done, doll. This is actually solidly in the middle of the pack. Very decent performance.

And apparently I've had too much to drink. Pauler hated it. Simon says he "couldn't wait for it to end". I feel sorry for the guy, it wasn't that bad. Again, fast forwarding through the other judges to get closer to seeing "Lost".

Lil' Rounds up next. Ugh. She's doing "Heatwave". This actually might be a contender for best performance of the night. And she delivers a knock out performance. No calling her "Little" tonight. She looks damned good tonight too. Randy not as enamored as I was. And he's a fan of her, whereas I'm not. (brian griffin voice) what the hell? New judge not a fan. Again, skipping ... wait, I'll pause for Simon. He didn't like the song choice. OK, moving on.

Adam up next. Hang on, let me repeat the earlier sequence.

(steve refilling shiraz)
(steve lighting candle)
(steve saying prayer)
(steve singing) cause when I get that feelin! I need sexual healing! sexual ... healing ... aw baby ...

He's doing "Tracks of My Tears". This could get interesting. This isn't a song to take off key and all weirded out ... Adam's goal is to do this "justice". And he's going "unplugged" tonight. He's dressed up like ... Elvis? Late 60s Elvis in the Hawaii comeback? But holy God, this is good. This is PHENOMENALLY good!

Wow.

Just ... wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Hang on, for the first time tonight:

(steve) (standing)
(steve) (applauding!!!)

Wow. That was INCREDIBLE!

We have a definite front runner in this puppy, pony, and rooster show. And his name is Adam. Holy Lord. That is ... that's gotta be one of the 10, 11 best performances in Idol history. I'm not exaggerating. This was David doing "Hello", Blake doing "You Give Love a Bad Name", LaKisha doing "This Ain't a Love Song" good. Not quite Carrie doing "Alone", the greatest Idol moment ever. But its in the ballpark. The judges are all over this. It was every bit as good as their verbal fellating indicates it was.

Wow.

Just imagine if he'd done "Sexual Healing" ... (everyone voice) let it go Steve, let it go ...

Milwaukee's finest, Danny, up next. Crack open a Lakefront IPA and enjoy.

He's doing "Get Ready", I believe by Rare Earth. This could be good. Or it could be awful. (Thanks, Captain Obvious). Pretty solid performance. All good. Judges thought it was decent. Sorry to shorten the recap but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't listening to 10 seconds, then fast forwarding, then listening a little more, then fast forwarding. All new "Lost" awaits.

Allison up last, with "Papa Was a Rolling Stone". She wants to show her funk side. I'd change a letter in that word, but hey, that might just be me. A very solid performance. Very solid. She's the best female in this competition, which means she's what, 4th best, 5th best in the competition? There's a change. Usually the females run away with this thing early on.

Final thoughts:

* Best performance: Adam, closely followed by Matt and Allison.
* Worst performance: Megan, closely followed by Scott.
* Bottom three: Megan, Scott, Michael.
* Buh bye: Megan.

Apparently Jennifer Hudson and season two's joke of a winner Ruben Studdard perform tonight. If that's up your alley, wonderful. Me, I'm still waiting for them to haul Blake back out on the stage, that's a results show I'd tune in to watch ...