steve predicts sunday's race

This used to be my favorite weekend of the year ... when they ran the races in the beautiful, awe-inspiring, wonderful 105 degree heat of July.

Now? The weather's a crapshoot, although Sunday looks good so far, high 70s and mostly sunny. (I have said this before, and I'll say it again: any day where you can sit around outside, drink in the sun, and have no use for a t-shirt, THAT is my kind of day! A couple more degrees and Sunday might fit that category ...)

Plus, the other thing I used to love -- LOVE -- about the old IRL was the driving. You had a handful of drivers (if you were lucky) that were actually talented enough and qualified to be out there driving. Sam Hornish Jr. Tony Stewart. (occasionally) Scott Sharp. (I think he was but others disagree) Eddie Cheever Jr. That's about it. The other 20 competitors were basically lethal weapons ready to explode. Who can forget such lovable losers as George Mack. Robbie Buhl. Elizeo Salazar. Greg Ray. Robbie McGehee. (the great paul page voice) Felipe Giaffone! Airton Dare (who actually won this damned race somehow, in 2002). And everyone's favorite, Billy Boat. The man who they should name Bump Day after, since he always was on the Bump every damned year.

See, these dangerous drivers were always good for a death-defying wreck or three every week. Now? The field is much better, these guys can't find work, and somehow, I feel sad about that. I feel like a part of me has died, by not getting to see these guys risk injury to every driver and fan in attendance on a weekly basis.

Plus, how can you forget THE greatest moment in IRL history, the 2001 night race at Texas, when Eddie Cheever, Scott Sharp, and the aforementioned Greg Ray (in the Trim Spa mobile that night ... yeah, a dude driving a Trim Spa car. Not quite as bad as Cheever winning Indy in the Rachel's Potato Chips mobile, but still ...), anyways, when those three drove "three abreast!" for nearly 200 friggin laps! Talk about insanity! Pull up the clip on youtube! sometime and just listen to the fear, the abject "holy sh*t this is insane!" panic in Bob Jenkins' voice. "This will never work! ... yes it will!"

Oh well. (t.i. feat. justin timberlake voice) Dead and gone, dead and gone ...

Anyways, here's my predicted finish for Sunday's Road Runner 300 at beautiful Kansas Speedway.

22. TBA, Dreyer and Reinbold Racing. I have no idea who they're fielding in this ride, but (gregg voice) its Dreyer and Reinbold Racing! They suck!

21. Mike Conway, Dreyer and Reinbold Racing. Set aside the fact that the dude hasn't finished a race yet. This is his unbelievable stat -- he's been in not one, not two, but three wrecks already. Three! And there's only been two races! Call me crazy, but when your wreck to races ratio is HIGHER than one, that ain't good.

20. Raphael Matos, Luczo Dragon Racing. I have no idea who this dude is. This was Crash Scheckter's car last year, so he's a definite step down from that guy's talent. Sounds like an engine failure on lap 120 waiting to happen.

19. Robert Doornbox, Newman / Haas / Lanigan Racing. A newbie to the IRL this year. I'm guessing this is his first oval race. Not a good sign of things to come.

18. Sarah Fisher, Sarah Fisher Racing. I will boo her mercilessly during driver intros. Assuming I stumble in from tailgating before she's introduced, of course. Which is not guaranteed to happen.

17. Stanton Barrett, CURB / Team 3G Racing. Yes, it is that Stanton Barrett. No, he did not magically learn how to drive after bombing out of not one, not two, but all three of NASCAR's top circuits. Yes, he will cause a major racing incident at some point this year that might take another driver's life. Good times.

16. Hideki Mutoh, Andretti / Green Racing. From this point on, any of these folks can win this thing. Including Mr. Mutoh. Whoever the hell he is.

15. Mario Moraes, KV Racing Technology. He actually ran fairly well on ovals last year, one of the better CART folks on them. Could have a solid middle of the pack showing on Sunday.

14. EJ Viso, HVM Racing. Another solid middle of the pack guy who won't embarrass himself. Yet another reason I miss the "old" Indy Racing League, the guys who couldn't help but embarrass themselves on a weekly basis. Like AJ Foyt and Arie Luyendyk throwing down in Victory Lane. Or teammates Eddie Cheever and Crash Scheckter wrecking each other out on lap 3. Or Scott Sharp wrecking on the first turn of the first lap at Indy ... from the pole. Good stuff.

13. Scott Dixon, Target Chip Ganassi Racing. Scotty's been off so far this year, with two sluggish showings so far. I say he hits the trifecta of heartbreak and wrecks out on lap 146.

12. Graham Rahal, Newman / Haas / Lanigan Racing. The rivalry with this guy and Marco Andretti the next 8 to 10 years is going to be freaking awesome to watch unfold. Speaking of great old racing memories, Graham's dad, the 1986 Indy 500 winner, in the "Sleep Cheap" mobile! That never gets old.

11. Ed Carpenter, Vision Racing. I like Ed, a lot actually. I hope he does quite well on Sunday. I just can't predict him to finish top 10 given the ten remaining drivers I have to slot.

10. Dario Franchitti, Target Chip Ganassi Racing. Last week's winner at Long Beach. Rock solid driver back in the big leagues after a sideshow stop in NASCAR. And who can ever forget the beautiful site of wife Ashley Judd running in a friggin monsoon down the frontstretch at Indy in that dress after he won the 500 ... holy lord I need a shower and a cigarette before softball tonight after remembering that beautiful site ...

9. Justin Wilson, Dale Coyne Racing. Good driver, good team, but wasn't so good on ovals last year. If you're gonna compete at Indy, you gotta be competitive at Kansas.

8. Ryan Hunter-Reay, Vision Racing. I used to love this guy in Champ Car. Then he disappeared for a while. Not sure where he went to, but hey, now he's back. Good for him. Should have a solid second pack showing on Sunday.

7. Vitor Meira, AJ Foyt Enterprises. Sweet Jesus, how the good have fallen. Yes, I am fully aware that Mr. Meira has never won a race. But to fall from a decent Panther team to this? To AJ Foyt? To a man who fields rides for his loser son (Larry) and even less talented grandson (AJ IV) at Indy every year? Poor Vitor. If I was him, I'd ask my boss to pass the scotch.

6. Tony Kanaan, Andretti / Green Racing. A past winner of this event, I believe in 2005 if I'm not mistaken. Should run up front all day long barring some unforeseen situation.

5. Ryan Briscoe, Team Penske. Since I'm going as a guest of Team Penske to this thing, Go Ryan Go! Pick me up a pack of Marlboro Red's too for tailgating while you're at it, I need to look the part of a race fan ...

(seriously, I get asked that at least 4 or 5 times every year. How in the hell am I a race fan? I mean, add it up. I don't smoke, I have all of my teeth, I don't have a GED, I don't drive a pickup truck with a gun rack on the back, I'm a registered Democrat and (still bitter) ardent Hillary supporter, I have never had sex with a relative, I mean the list goes on and on. The answer is simple: first, the IRL is amazing in person. The roar of the engines, the speed of the cars, its just breathtaking to take in. But mostly, race tailgating is a bunch of drunks sitting around with a shirt off doing what they do best: drinkin' in the sun. Yup, that's me. I am Indy! OK, back to the predictions ...)

4. Marco Andretti, Andretti / Green Racing. The last 10 miles of the 2006 Indy 500 were just about the best 10 miles of racing I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Marco's father, so close to winning the only thing he never achieved in his amazing career ... passed by Marco ... who is passed by Hornish at the gun. Marco can drive. He'll do well on Sunday.

3. Helio Castroneves, Team Penske. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!!! Thank God he beat the tax evasion charges. Of course, this disqualifies him from serving in the Obama administration now, since he didn't actually cheat on his taxes, but still, welcome back Helio!!!

2. Danica Patrick, Andretti / Green Racing. She's been on the pole before. (For this race, come on, what did you think I mean, on the main stage at the Outhouse?) She finally broke through in the win column last year in Japan. She's due for win number two. And it would be really neat to see her win. But I can't pick her. Because instead, my predicted champ is:

1. Dan Wheldon, Panther Racing. He's won the last two races at Kansas. He finished 5th last week at Long Beach. He's still (in my never humble opinion) the most talented driver in the league. I'm not betting against him. (Which probably means all of you should ...)