So it was "Movie Theme Song" night on Idol, a trainwreck waiting to happen.
And man, did a few cars wreck spectacularly. Honestly, there was only one truly solid performance last night.
I wasn't available to do a live blog due to checking out Dusty's uncle perform down at The Brick last night. Solid show, solid venue by the way. Greg and guitar dude with him are ready for Rockfest, if last night is any judge. (And a huge, huge Steve shout-out to The Brick. $5 double vodka tonics that, with the way the dude poured them, were more like quadruple vodka tonics?!?! A bar with solid entertainment, in the heart of the city, that makes cheap drinks "Steve style"?!?! Sweet Jesus!)
Here now, the quick thoughts on the worst edition of "Idol" yet this season:
* Allison, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing". Ugh. I wanted to haul out the Steven Tyler version of the National Anthem from the 2000 Indy 500, the one where he sounds completely tanked, botches the words, and closes with "home of the ... Indianapolis 500!", because Allison sounded every bit as awful as Mr. Tyler did that day. This performance was abysmal. I like Allison. I want a final four of her, Matt, Kris and Adam. But last night, definite bottom three material. Sadly, for once, she earned her likely designation.
* Anoop, "Everything I Do (I Do It For You"). An absolutely mediocre performance that I couldn't stop laughing hysterically at. Because as soon as the opening notes to the song began, I couldn't help but remember the Stewie Griffin version from a few weeks ago on "Family Guy". The image of Stewie sitting on the train stop bench with the balloon as the song builds. "There's no love! Like your love! And no other! Could give more love! There's nowhere! Unless you're there! All the time! All the way ..." Anoop also likely headed for the bottom 3.
(Seriously, why couldn't you show Stewie's "music video" on the background screen as Anoop Doggy Dogg was singing? Tell me that wouldn't enhance the show 1,000 percent. "Family Guy" airs on FOX. "American Idol" airs on FOX. Hopefully someone on Youtube! makes this happen, stat.)
* Adam, "Born to Be Wild". Another song that I couldn't focus on the performance of ... because I was tripping back to July 1996, at beautiful Pete Vonachen Stadium, for a Peoria Chiefs game. The conversation at that time pretty much went like this:
(peoria chiefs pr chick) hi!
(steve) hi.
(peoria chiefs pr chick) I'm looking for someone willing to karaoke for pizza!
(steve) no than --
(gregg) Steve will do it!
(jenni) yeah, Steve will do it!
(the 3 cougars sitting in front of us) yeah, pick Steve!
(steve) (sighing in disgust) what the hell.
Yup, I performed "Born to Be Wild". On the field. And won that Monical's Pizza, dammit! As the three cougars roared me on like I was their son's hot-as-hell best friend. (Wait, I think I took that one too far. Screw it, its my blog, its my analogies.)
Anyways, Adam was good. Second best performance of the night.
* Matt, "Have You Really Ever Loved a Woman". I love Matt. He's my puppy/pony/rooster in this race. But dude. Really? Brian Adams? Really? He really did not do well last night. I fear he'll be in the bottom three, although to use my favorite phrase, I am "cautiously optimistic" that the judges would save him.
* Danny, "Endless Love". I nearly spit out the shiraz when he chose this song. For starters, as the biggest Lionel Richie fan I know, you can't improve on the original of this song. I'm listening to it on the iPod while typing this. Its a perfect song. Also, Danny doesn't do stuff like this. And yet ... it wasn't half bad. I still think he should have chosen something different. I would have picked "I Would Walk 500 Miles" since he kind of looks like the guys who did the song when he wears his glasses, and I'm reasonably sure that was from a Johnny Depp movie, but still. He's safe.
* Kris, "Falling Slowly". I had never heard this song before. I'd never even heard of the movie "Once". And I absolutely LOVED this performance. Loved it. Loved it like ... well, like Christie Brinkley's ex-husband loves a certain "reputable singles site". This was phenomenal, I thought.
The kid's starting to grow on me. Solid voice, solid performer, hot as hell wife. I might have to become a fan of his on Facebook. Hold it.
(done and done).
* Little Rounds, "The Rose". At least she didn't do "Wind Beneath My Wings" if she's doing a Bette Midler "masterpiece". Although maybe she should have, considering how awful this performance was. I'm sure she had to show some talent, something worth keeping her around for, prior to my tuning into the top 36 ... because I am really struggling to believe that THIS is one of the 12 best singers in the competition. Seriously, this chick just irritates the living hell out of me. Watching this chick perform at this point, is the equivalent of having HHH take a sledge hammer and repeatedly bash me with it in a sensitive, private area. It hurts. It hurts really, really bad. Just go away already.
Final thoughts:
Best performance: Kris, by a country mile. (simon cowell voice) which country? Seriously, that cheap shot at Pauler's compliment of Scott last week just cracked me up. "Your best by a country mile! / Which country?" Awesome.
Worst performance: Little Rounds. At this point, I think I was better half drunk on the field at Pete Vonachen Stadium than this chick is sober at the Idoldome.
Bottom Three: Little Rounds, Anoop, Allison. Although Matt might drop in instead of Allison.
Going Home: if there's a God, it'll be Little Rounds. And if the judges save her, I might make like a monkey and fling stuff at the television in anger.
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