Hard to believe we're in week 3 already! OK, actually, it isn't hard to believe. Honestly, this year's cast has been one gigantic disappointment so far.
We're on day what, 16 now? And so far we have no major fights, no confirmed hookups, no drunken rampages. Let's hope week three ups the fun. I mean, it did take "Real Housewives of New Jersey" a solid month to get going this season, and now its "appointment television".
13. Annie (version 2.0: 6; version 1.0: 5). Our first evictee, eliminated 10-0. Arguably the most piss poor "saboteur" since that supermodel was "The Mole" in the Celebrity edition. And she was so awful, I can't even remember her name. Really, duct tape over a couple nominees pics? That's "sabotage"? Somewhere, the Beastie Boys are rolling over in their beds, irate that the term "sabotage" is affiliated with something as juvenile as defacing a glass frame.
Plus, look at her other acts of subversion. Crickets chirping? That's just retarded. Locking the food pantry? That's just mean. Although why one of the alleged geniuses in the house didn't try to pick the damned lock, I have no idea. You've got at least three certified geniuses in there (allegedly), none of them thought to take a hairpin or paper clip and try to jimmy the thing open? Oh well. She's gone now. Soon to be completely forgotten.
12. Andrew (version 2.0: 13; version 1.0: 8). Only moved up because Annie was evicted. His constant bitching about needing "kosher foods" is really getting annoying. Dude, you're on a reality TV show. Nobody gives a damn about your religious convictions! You're on a show where the ratings are driven by three things: conflict, hot bodies, and sex. (And not necessarily in that order). You're bringing none of the three to the table so far. Although if he keeps up with his persistent "tolerate me! I'm religious, so tolerate my needs!" crap, he might bring the conflict. At least to my viewing room, as I'm chucking empty Coors Light cans at the TV.
11. Monet (version 2.0: 12; version 1.0: 11). The target for eviction this week, and with good reason: she's boring as hell. She's teamed up with Britney, but offers little as the sidekick. Will likely be tossed Thursday night, barring something crazy going down over the next few days.
10. Lane (version 2.0: 10; version 1.0: 10). Wow, consistent. Ranked 10th in all three versions. Not really sure what to make of the guy. On the one hand, he can't possibly be as stupid as he seems on-screen and on the feeds. On the other hand, he is a Texas Tech graduate -- you can't rule anything out when it comes to the stupidity of a Red Raider. (UT and A&M: united by common love of alcohol, and the knowledge that Texas Tech is not a real school! Sorry, that's a Texas thing I guess ...)
9. Matt (version 2.0: 8; version 1.0: 3). The most disappointing houseguest so far. The self-described "smartest player in the game" has been anything but. He said he would call out people's stupidity when he saw it -- he hasn't done that yet. Plus, its outrageous that they have to sensor his Tweety Bird tattoo because Warner Bros. wouldn't sign a waiver. Come on. Its 2010, WB! Take the free publicity already! (To his credit, though, he's definitely the "brains of the Brigade". On the other hand, if you're in a group with a duncehead-ex jock, a toker, and a crazy Jersey Italian, and you AREN'T the brains of the operation, there's probably something wrong with you).
8. Kathy (version 2.0: 9; version 1.0: 7). A solid middle of the packer. She's flying completely under the radar at this point, which is a good thing for her. Plus, you gotta admire a cancer survivor ... who is a 2 pack a day chain smoker. Gotta love the "f*ck it, if I can survive cancer, nothing can affect me!" attitude. She's a definite sleeper for final four, because she hasn't offended anyone, everyone seems able to talk to her, and she doesn't really let on what she's thinking. She kind of has a Jason vibe from BB3, just kind of there, and then one day you wake up, and he's in the final HOH competition.
7. Enzo (version 2.0: 2; version 1.0: 6). One of the two funniest folks in the house. Always good with a one-line comeback. Unfortunately, I can't get past the receding hairline, and the Juhsay accent. Ugh. It's like being at one of my family reunions. Good times.
6. Rachel (version 2.0: 11; version 1.0: 9). She tracks upward if only because her HOH reign is arguably the biggest HOH trainwreck in BB history. She is absolutely clueless as to what to do. She changes her mind constantly. She's easily swayed by other people's opinions. Although to her credit, she got a bottle of tequila in her HOH package. Which begs the question: where was Hayden's ounce last week? There's no way that guy doesn't smoke. No way. Asking a guy to go (potentially) 73 days without so much as a roach is asking way too much of someone.
5. Kristen (version 2.0: 4; version 1.0: 2). Finally starting to make a move on Hayden. Or is it the other way around? Their couch conversation confused the hell out of me. Two folks with a combined lower IQ than Matt trying to define relationship perameters. Talk about sleep-inducing television! I did have to love her "there's a fine line between cocky and confidence" quote from Sunday. Yeah, there is sadly. And I'll be damned if I've figured out how to strattle it. To her credit, as Britney noted, she's decided to flaunt what she has recently, wearing more revealing bikini tops and thongs. Definitely Stevo approved. If anyone is gonna say "screw the camera and a cover-up, let's just do this!" on the (jimmy lennon jr voice) Showtime! feed, it's her.
4. Ragan (version 2.0: 5; version 1.0: 13). Wow, did I whiff on this guy in the preseason rankings. By far and away the glue that holds the house together. Its impossible to hate this guy, he's just too damned funny.
3. Britney (version 2.0: 7; version 1.0: 12). The funniest person in the house. I love her "bitch on wheels" routine. Love her mocking Rachel. And love the fact that she won POV, so she's safe another week. And she's a Razorback, home to the most underrated co-ed population on the planet. I never failed to have a good time when I'd visit Northwest Arkansas when my brother was in college. I'm definitely rooting for her to make the final four.
2. Brendan (version 2.0: 3; version 1.0: 4). Yeah, the guy is a tool ... and good grief, he's more clueless at reading the "please f*ck me!" signs Rachel is putting out than I would be ... but I like the guy. He's got Rachel completely under his control. He's smart, and he's athletic, so he's a threat to win any challenge. My guess is, he gets shown the door really soon, because the house gangs up on him to eliminate a huge threat. Hopefully I'm wrong.
1. Hayden (version 2.0: 1; version 1.0: 1). Still at the top, and I don't see much that can change that, unless Britney goes on a strip-tease or something. (And God, please let that happen!) Rocking the Justin Bieber hairdo at this point as well, bonus points for that. Gotta figure he'll be the first to score in the house, with Kristen. Now has an alliance with both power teams, which could work out great ... or bite him in the ass. Hopefully its the former.
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