the week four picks: i'm a fool i guess ...

“Like the fool I am and I’ll always be,

I’ve got a dream.  I’ve got a dream.

They can change their minds, but they can’t change me!

I’ve got a dream!  I’ve got a dream!

Oh, I know I could share it if you want me to.

And if you’re going my way?  I’ll go with you …”

-- “I’ve Got a Name” by Jim Croce.

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Last Week SU: 9-7-0.

Season to Date SU: 27-21-0.

Last Week ATS: 11-5-0.

Season to Date ATS: 26-22-0.

Last Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: those magical five words move to 9-0-0 straight up since 2001.

Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 2-1-0 SU; 2-1-0 ATS.

This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: (stevo sighing in abject disgust at the question) take a mother f*cking guess.

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets “Fling It And Hope It Sticks” Crappy Guesses:

Byes: Steelers, Colts.  Since “Sur” William Callahan coaches for neither squad, it appears “vs. bye” will open 0-0 this year.  Solid start!

* at Ravens 30, Browns (+11) 27.  Here’s to hoping Satan lets Art Modell tune in to watch the battle of his former franchises.  It’s the least Satan can do, after accepting Art’s soul in exchange for a couple hundred million dollar bribe to move the Browns to Baltimore, after all.

* Bengals (-2 ½) 31, at Jaguars 24.  Please, dude who controls the video board at Arrowhead, please – me, Stevo?  The hot as hell guy in 336, row 8, seat 23?  Yeah, the one every girl in the stadium has their binoculars trained on?  Please, for my sake, when – not if, WHEN – WHEN Ed Hochuli delivers his first fifteen minute explanation of a penalty in this game on Sunday, please, I’m begging you, JIP the call.

* at Bucs (-2 ½) 38, Redskins 24.  There’s plenty of room on the Bucs Bandwagon Express folks.  Right now it’s just me and Greg Schiano on board, and possibly my former boss and her husband.  Plenty of room.  You can even like sit in the second row and everything! 

* Titans (+12) 38, at Texans 34.  It’s simple: if Houston wins this game, the AFC South race is over four weeks into the season.  Houston would be at least two clear of every other divisional rival, and probably three clear, with two divisional wins in hand.  I picked the Titans to win the South.  If they have any shot to do it, they have to spring the upset.

* at Falcons 28, Panthers (+7) 24.  OK, this dumping on Cam Newton is getting really ridiculous.  The kid is 23 years old for Christ’s sake!  What the hell is everyone so up in arms about, that he botches a presser and says a couple questionable statements that “lead to questions about his maturity and leadership skills”.  Jesus, HE’S 23!  When I was 23, I was doing at least 2 of these 4 things every night: (a) drinking heavily, (b) getting high, (c) sitting at a blackjack table, (d) staring like a slack jawed yokel at the never-ending 2000 election results.  Again, AT LEAST 2 of those 4 things every night.  Cam at 23?  Has won a freaking Heisman, a freaking National Championship, has the Panthers as a legitimate playoff threat despite a brain-dead moron coaching them, AND has me beyond geeked up to see in person on December 2^nd.  Again, the last time I was this excited to see a visitor enter Arrowhead for the first time, was when the Official Stevo Man Crush of a Lifetime made his first appearance at Arrowhead to open the 2005 season.  Lay off of Cam.  The kid is special.  He’s ridiculously special.  One poorly conducted presser shouldn’t take the focus off his sick talent and potential.

* at Lions (-5) 38, Vikings 13.  Christian Ponder on the road.  Christian Ponder on the road.  Christian Ponder on the road.  Like last week, when 80% of the gambling public convinced themselves the Rams could cover, if not win in Chicago.  Come on people.  Christian!  Ponder!  On!  The!  Road!!!

* at Bills 28, Patriots (-4) 20.  THE toughest game on the board to call.  And honestly, I don’t think I’m picking this right, given my strident belief in that “you never bet against a proven veteran team with its back against the wall”.  But something’s just not right with this Pats team.  From the cockiness of taking two knees to attempt a 40 plus yard field goal against the Cardinals, to the total meltdown in the last 2:20 in Baltimore … something just ain’t right.  I still think that regardless of this game’s outcome, the Pats rally to win the AFC East.  I just think we’re looking at the 1996 / 1998 / 1999 Cowboys all over again – good enough to win a sh*tty division, but do little to no damage once the calendar flips to January.

* at Rams (+2 ½) 27, Seahawks 20.  Let this sink in – if the Jets and Rams hold serve at home, and the Cardinals take care of business against (arguably) the worst team in football at home?  The Cards are TWO CLEAR of the division, with a win over Seattle in hand.  Are we really ready to live in a world where the Arizona “Super” Cardinals are a credible threat to reach the Super Bowl for the second time in five years?

* Saints (+7 ½) 45, at Packers 31.  Speaking of “something just ain’t right about this team”, the Saints and Packers everyone!  The “we’re seriously screwed if we lose this game” extravaganza!  For the Saints, the road to recovery is simple – steal this one on the road, then hold serve at home against the Chargers next Sunday, and bammo!, you’re right back in this thing.  (No need for the “touchdown, onside kick, touchdown, onside kick, touchdown” debacle I am so good at giving up at Madden (insert year here).)  I think they get it done.

* at broncos 13, raiders (+7) 10.  Hey, it’s our first “if terrorists blow the joint up, it’s not a tragedy, it’s a national celebration” Game of the Year!  (kazoo voice) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And hey, before you broncos readers of this post send email hate messages to me – I didn’t come up with the “nuke denver during a football game” dream scenario.  That would be Tom Clancy, in “The Sum of All Fears”.  Aim your hate at him, not me!  (While I aim total and complete love for that scenario in his direction …)

* at Cardinals (-5) 34, Dolphins 3.  Wow, we really are living in a world where laying five on the Cards is automatic.  Unbelievable.  Absolutely unbelievable.  Also, again, as a public service announcement: if you happen to stay in a Super 8 in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area?  Turning on the faucet does NOT drown out the sound of you banging your girl in the bathroom.  Just a heads up for when the Chiefs visit the desert in two years.  Life IS great at Super 8 … but them are some paper thin walls.

* Giants (+2) 27, at Eagles 20.  The second toughest game of the week to call.  Should be a classic.  Kudos to NBC for grabbing this one.  Normally, I rip NBC (and it’s asshat of all trades, “Ol’” Pete King) for their scheduling, but the SNF schedule this year is awesome.  And this game might be the best one they broadcast.  I love me some NFC East grudge matches!

* at Cowboys (+3 ½) 28, Bears 24.  HATE the half point.  (Damned Danny Sheridan at USA Today.  Come on man, cut me a break and give me a push at 3, which is how this game is destined to end).  Two flawed NFC contenders in a huge game that could determine a divisional round home field advantage.  Dallas is slightly less fatally flawed than Chicago.  They get the nod.

The Jets (brett voice) “aw!  shit!” / “We Done Be Screwed” Pick:

I think it’s now appropriate to ask which number will be higher: (a) the number of kids Antonio Cromartie is financially liable for creating, or (b) the number of passes he’ll get burned on as the new top corner for the (fireman ed voice) J!  E! T!  S!  Jets Jets Jets!  I’m leaning (a), since he’s already got nine built in … but I can absolutely see Crabtree, Moss, and Davis lighting him up for 11 catches, 220 yards, and 3 TDs on Sunday.

And yet, as bad as things look without Darrelle Revis until at least next August … it isn’t ALL bad for the Jets.  The non-divisional games are NFC West, AFC South, San Diego (at home on a Sunday nighter), and at Tennessee (on a Monday nighter).  They’re 2-1.  They survived their house of horrors in South Beach.  I still think the Jets can win 9 and be in the cluster f*ck for final team in.  But they need this one to do it.

at Jets (+3 ½) 31, 49ers 27.  Again, I HATE the half point, Mr. Sheridan!  HATE IT!

The Chiefs “Possibly Inspirational Speech” and Prediction:

First, congrats to my buddy Damien, who will be using the “oh my God, why did I agree to sit here?!?!” seat next to me this week.  I’ve said it before, and it bears repeating: if you can sit next to me at a Chiefs game, and still have even 2/1000ths of an ounce of like or respect for me afterwards?  You’re a keeper.  I’m putting this friendship on the line, that’s for sure.

Having said that …

It’s simple folks.  Either you believe this season can be saved, or you don’t.  Either you believe this team has enough talent to rise into first place come 3:30pm CT Sunday, and hold onto it until January, or you don’t.  Either you believe this team is worth supporting, or you don’t.

If you think playing for first place to close out September portends doom for the Chiefs?  Please, sell your ticket(s) on eBay, on StubHub, on TicketMaster Exchange, just please – don’t show up Sunday.

We don’t need defeated losers like you occupying the stands.

This season is NOT over!  It’s only just begun!

And the fun truly begins Sunday. 

Six years ago, when sending out the “picks email” that so put me on the map, that I turned to blogging these picks, I noted as the 2-3 Chiefs returned home for a two game homestand against (a) the AFC’s best team in 2006 and (b) the defending NFC champions that “only we can ensure victory in these two contests”.

Fellow Chiefs fans?  It’s 2006 all over again. ONLY WE can ensure VICTORY these next two weeks, against (in order) … (a) the team I picked to win the Lombardi a month ago, and (b) the team that should be your defending AFC champions.  ONLY WE can alter this outcome.   ONLY WE can take my magical five word “take a mother f*cking guess” phrase, and make it magical!

ONLY WE can do that! 

Chiefs fans?  Fellow peoples and peepettes?

If you’re going my way?

I’ll go with you.

We ARE winning this game.  Behind 70,000 plus properly “lubricated” fans, who have NOT given up, have NOT sold out this season, who STILL believe in the greatness this team can achieve?  Behind US?

We aren’t losing.

I had four emails last week come in for my Chiefs win at Saints pick, asking if I’d lost all objectivity.  Quite the contrary!  I said we’d lose by 28 at Buffalo.  (We should have lost by 32).  I said we’d escape New Orleans (we did).  I like to feel I have my pulse on this team*.

And we?  Us?  Chiefs?  Chiefs fans? 

We are WINNING this game!

(*: I remain convinced that if Succup’s field goal to open the second half is good, to tie the game at 20?  You have a different outcome week one, the only game I’ve completely whiffed on so far.)

My tailgating group will be there before the gates open on Sunday.  We’ll be in our usual spot.  We welcome any and all Chiefs fans who show up expecting victory.  The menu is Charger Chicken*, assorted side items, probably some margaritas, and a few bloody mary’s to boot.

(*: if you have “4” in the “how many chicken boobs does Stevo demand get marinated in syrah overnight … I’d bet the over.  Red wine soaked grilled chicken is WICKEDLY good!)

If you need a spot to park, let me know.  I’ll save you a spot, as many spots as you need.  We need as close to 78,625 die hards in that stadium Sunday as we can muster.  We need every person who considers themselves a blinded by loyalty Chiefs fan to show up and occupy a spot in front of their seat Sunday.  We need beer pong pros (so I don’t have to play).  We need washer pros (again, so I don’t have to play).  We need you – the FANS of this team – we need YOU to show up, en masse, to root for the only thing in this metropolitan area we can all unite behind.

Ten years ago this weekend, I sent out “the defining moment”of my blogging / emailing / “fling it and hope it sticks” career.  Please – click the link.  Read what my thoughts were ten years ago, and change “Dolphins” to “Chargers”, and you’ll get it.  You’ll grasp what we, as fans of this team, face on Sunday.

And I trust, after reading it, you’ll do your job, as fans of this team, to somehow will this team, which has led for 0:00 seconds so far this year, into first place at the quarter pole.

Because if reading that link above doesn't fire you up?  Doesn't inspire you to show up well before kickoff to root this team on to victory they probably don't deserve?

Then how the f*ck are you a Chiefs fan?

We WILL win this game!  

Behind the combined strength of a team that is beginning to believe in its greatness, and a fanbase that refuses to consider any alternative other that greatness, let’s do this.

Be LOUD!  Make your mark! 

Make Arrowhead ROCK on Sunday!  denver fans could make their old stadium shake to its foundation.  It’s high damned time we made Arrowhead on a level par with Real Mile High.

at Chiefs (+1 ½) 23, Chargers 17 (OT), in yet another game that the Chiefs don’t lead until the final snap.  Be there folks.  Do your job as a fan, as someone who enjoys, watching the Chiefs play.  Do YOUR job as a Kansas Citian, who wants to see the local team win.

And as a final note: please -- visit the Hall of Honor Sunday.  (I plan to head in no later than 10:45am to pay a few minutes respect).  It is Alumni Weekend ... and sadly, the greatest Chief of them all, for a 29th straight year, can only participate in the festivities from Heaven.

Read up on Joe Delaney.  Please -- read up on Joe Delaney.  The fact that 37 is not permanently retired it OUTRAGEOUS.  The fact that so few people seem to care, is BEYOND outrageous.

Other than my father, I've never had a "hero" I look up to more than Joe Delaney.  Please, Chiefs fans, take a few minutes on Sunday to pay your respects to the Greatest Chief of All Time.  

And Scott Pioli?  

RETIRE 37 ALREADY!!! ...

And yeah, please, current Chiefs?

WIN!  THIS!  GAME!!!

mixology 2012 game dos: the chargers

Yes, peoples and peepettes, fellow Chiefs fans, hell, even any denver bronco fans reading this* – our fatally flawed Kansas City Chiefs are playing for first place on Sunday

(*: shoutout!  You're welcome, western Nebraska and eastern Wyoming!!!)

Yes, those Chiefs.  OUR Chiefs!!!  Who have held a lead for exactly zero minutes and zero seconds so far in the 2012 season!!! Those dudes are playing for first place on Sunday!  Moving on ...

The second home game of the season, means it’s time to shuffle up the Mixology Playlist for a second time.  Let’s start attacking the week one playlist and start making some substitions, based on requests and Mixologist’s choice.  (cue the “oh hell no!  Stevo’s inserting a few songs he loves!  Oh HELL no!!!” response.  Relax – I’m only subbing in two I love, and I don’t think too many people will complain on either choice.  Unless you hate stoned late-1970s music about dream weavers, and Madonna's first major hit.  In which case, blast away in the comments.)

(previous playlist listed in artist alphabetical order).

* “Down” by 311.  Safely in the field for another week.

* “Dancing Queen” by ABBA.  Buh bye.

* “Secret Lovers” by Atlantic Starr.  I too have no idea why I love this song, yet hate cheaters so much.  (Cue mailed "greeting card" informing me of "breakup" in fall of 1996).  Oh.  NOW I get why I love this song, yet hate cheaters so much.  My bad.  My bad.

* “Airplanes Part II” by B.o.B.  On the bubble for next week.

* “Let It Be” by the Beatles.  A second Beatles song may be joining the field this week.  If it doesn't this week, you can bet every cent in your savings account that "And Your Bird Can Sing (beatles anthology 2 version)" will be on the approved playlist for Baltimore.

* “Get It Like You Like It” by Ben Harper.  Easily in.

* “Burn One Down” by Ben Harper.  The only question is, does a third Harper track make the field?

* “The More I Drink” by Blake Shelton.  What, this is up for debate?

* “One Love / People Get Ready” by Bob Marley.  No sense furthering the Dusty / Stevo Pissing Match of 2012 by cutting this from the playlist.

* “Humpin’ Around” by Bobby Brown.  In like Sven.

* “Lido Shuffle” by Boz Skaggs.  Hang on, I need to bash my head –repeatedly! – against the wall in reaction to the news that Darrelle Revis is out for the season.

* “Alcohol” by Brad Paisley.  Sliding into bubble status.

* “One Toke Over the Line” by Brewer and Shipley.  My dad would probably write me out of the will if I took this one off the list.  (That assumes, of course, I’m not already on the outside looking in at the family inheritance … and I’m guessing that’s a coin flip bet …)

* “The Rising” by Bruce Springsteen.  This song’s getting some company this week … sort of.

* “Mr. Tamborine Man” by the Byrds.  The toughest cut from the roster.

* “Wherever You Will Go” by the Calling.  Might have to revisit this before the playlist for Sunday is finalized.

* “Word Up” by Cameo.  Safer than Willie “Mays” Hays on the final play at the plate in “Major League”.

* “Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas.  (fidelity ad guy voice) “why not?”

* “Look Away” by Chicago.  Tradition rules.

* “Piano Man”, Colton Dixon cover.  For at least one more week, it’s in.

* “Sweet Love” by the Commodores.  Not even up for discussion.

* “Slow Hand” by Conway Twitty.  Just in case we (family guy voice) “need a distraction”.

* “Ants Marching” by DMB.  WHOA!

* “The Best of What’s Around” by DMB.  (hoosiers voice) coach stays.

* “It’s Not Over” by Daughtry.  Hell no, this season isn’t over!

* “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” by David Allan Coe.  Not even on the table to be a casualty.

* “The Time of My Life” by David Cook.  Over my dead, cold body buried six feet under.

* “Am I the Only One” by Dierks Bentley.  Hell no you’re not.

* “Sideways” by Dierks Bentley.  One of the first four out.

* “5-1-5-0” by Dierks Bentley.  Please, nobody call the po-po.  Only God knows what they’d find outstanding against me.

* “Down With The Sickness” by Disturbed.  Nothing to see here, moving on …

* “Soldier of Love” by Donny Osmond.  On the 2/1000ths of a chance percent that Bleese shows up, it stays.

* “Find Your Love” by Drake.  A STUNNING upset!

* “Take It To the Limit” by the Eagles.  Tough cut, but too slow for most people’s tastes.

*”Lose Yourself” by Eminem.  Tailgating tradition.

* “Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen.  I’m a sucker for late 1980s music, as one of my “captain’s choices” will show in a few pages.

* “Make Me Lose Control” by Eric Carmen.  It’s a two for Sunday!  Wait, that makes no sense whatsoever.

* “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy.  It’s getting some company via a “captain’s pick”.

* “Are You Ready for the Fallout” by Fastball.  Austin’s finest.  Can’t ignore it.

* “Float On” by the Floaters.  I’m still here, ready and willing to take any hot chica to loveland.

* “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People.  Gonzo.

* “We Are Young” by Fun.  Safe until at least the end of October.

* “Rock and Roll Part II” by Gary Glitter.  Sure, we’ll let the child molestor onto the playlist!

* “I Don’t Want To Be” by Gavin DeGraw.  Not up for debate.

* “In Love With a Girl” by Gavin DeGraw.  See previous song.

* “Midnight Train to Georgia” by Gladys Knight and the Pips.  I’d rather live in her world, than without this song, in mine.

* “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye.  Next.

* “Out of Touch, Out of Time” by Hall and Oates.  Barely.  Barely in.

* “Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates.  Beyond safely in.  And Mr.’s Hall and Oates are getting a third addition to their grouping, and I guarantee you at least half the people reading this already know which song of theirs is getting added to the playlist …

* “Beer 30” by Heath.  Not up for discussion.  (heath voice) thanks buddy!

* “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder.  There’s a better chance of me hooking up two hours before kickoff, than of this song getting kicked out of the rotation.

* “And We Danced” by the Hooters.  Not this week.

* “Old Man and Me” by Hootie and the Blowfish.  It’s in.

* “I Will Wait” by Hootie and the Blowfish.  Also in.

* “Goodbye Girl” by Hootie and the Blowfish.  The toughest cut of them all.

* “Anna Molly” by Incubus.  They’re getting a partner.

* “Shout” by the Isley Brothers.  The only way this song gets benched … is if I can ever get ahold of a mp3 of Otis Day’s version from “Animal House”.

* “Tipsy” by J-KWON.  E’rybody in this bitch getting’ tipsy!

* “Flake” by Jack Johnson.  It’s too good to exclude.

* “Hicktown” by Jason Aldean.  I’m not booting Radioactive’s Artist of the Week.

* “Tattoos On This Town” by Jason Aldean.  See previous song.

* “The Remedy” by Jason Mraz.  I too, choose to not worry my life away.

* “Stay With Me Tonight” by Jeffrey Osborne.  Good God, if I had a dollar for every girl who turned down that request … I’d have zero dollars to my name (rimshot!)  Oh God love me, what am I talking about …

* “I Got a Name” by Jim Croce.  Touch this song at your own peril.

* “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett.  Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

* “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” by Joe Nichols.  I think I’d be disbarred from tailgating in G30 if I benched this classic.

* “Pink Houses” by John Mellencamp.  Not up for debate, for now at least.

* “North to Alaska” by Johnny Horton.  I’d prefer not to walk home, thank you very much.

* “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.  No brainer inclusion.

* “Baby” by Justin Bieber.  Oh snap!  Cue every fourteen year old girl chucking rotten vegetables at me in three, two, one …

* “Summer Love” by Justin Timberlake.  Not even up for debate.

* “Like I Love You” by Justin Timberlake.  Again, not even up for debate.

* “Dust In the Wind” by Kansas.  YOU’RE STILL MY BOY BLUE!  YOU’RE STILL MY BOY!!!

* “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane.  Safely on the iPod.

* “Living in Fast Forward” by Kenny Chesney.  Squarely on the bubble.  Might have to revisit this one in a couple pages.

* “Luckenback, Texas”, covered by Kenny Chesney and Kid Rock.  Tailgating tradition.

* “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins.  Please!  Louise!  Pull me off of my knees!

* “Fresh” by Kool and the Gang.  She’s fresh!  Fresh!  Exciting!  She’s so exciting to me!

* “Falling Away From Me” by Korn.  Tough, tough exclusion.

* “Jump, Jump” by Kris Kross.  This song is wiggity, wiggity, wiggity wack!

* “Yeah!” by Lil’ Jon, Usher, and Ludacris.  Yeah!  Yeah!

* “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham.  Dammit, I hate this cut.

* “One Step Closer” by Linkin Park.  Not even up for discussion.

* “Numb” by Linkin Park.  LP may be getting a third song this week.

* “Penny Lover” by Lionel Richie.  I would like to enjoy some Charger chicken at some point.  Especially the chicken boobs that spend the night marinating in the shiraz.  That stuff is wickedly good.

* “Dancing on the Ceiling” by Lionel Richie.  It is the celebration song for postgame, uuh, celebrating, after all.

* “Shots!” by LMFAO and Lil’ Jon.  Benched for the next two weeks due to a seven year old being in attendance.  Although said seven year old does react to every missed toss at washers with an “aw!  shit!” blast … so I might rethink this benching.

* “Country Girl (Shake It For Me)” by Luke Bryan.  Yes, please.

* “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Katie isn’t coming.  It’s benched for as long as I can get away with it.  I HATE this song.

* “Shining Star” by the Manhattans.  OOOOOOOOOOOH!  Ooh yeah!  Honey you!  Are my shining star!  Don’t you go away!

* “Every Monday” by Marvelous 3.  I refuse to incur my own wrath.

* “Sugar Buzz” by Marvelous 3.  That this band isn’t better known is grouse.  It’s zues in nature.

* “Modern Love” by Matt Nathanson.  Easily in.

* “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson.  Over my dead, unstoned body.

* “Electric Feel” by MGMT.  I said OOH girl!  You shock me like an electric eel!  I say baby girl!  You turn me on with your electric feel!

* “Time To Pretend” by MGMT.  Pretty much sums up the Chiefs season so far.

* “Kids” by MGMT.  No sense burning the last standing bridge to the Casa de Jones until you have to.

* “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson.  Hell yes, it’s staying.

* “The Way You Make Me Feel” by Michael Jackson.  Really rough cut.

* “Blame It On the Rain” by Milli Vanilli.  Not even on the table for discussion.

* “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus.  (allard baird voice) no question, it is in the field.  No question.

* “Float On” by Modest Mouse.  Well we all float on, alright!

* “Daydream Believer” by the Monkees.  I truly do believe that if I wrote to Davy Jones as the president of the Kansas City chapter of his fanclub, that he’d show up to perform this song at our tailgate.  And if not this, then at least nail a perfect cover of “Girl”.

* “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC.  If you could nail the “ain’t no lie, bye bye bye!’ dance moves twelve years ago, you were guaranteed to not go home alone.  Sadly, that is no longer the case twelve years later.

* “Regulate” by Nate Dogg and “Mister” Warren “To The G”.  We’ve got a car full of girls and it’s going really swell.  The next stop is the Eastside Motel …

* “Closer” by Ne-Yo.  The easiest cut for week two.

* “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond.  As safe as safely in the field can be.

* “Mr. Telephone Man” by New Edition.  Anyone who makes fun of this, will be forcibly evicted from the tailgate. 

* “Heaven” by OAR.  I don’t wanna go to heaven if I can’t get it either.

* “Stand By Me”, cover by Otis Redding.  Stands a decent shot of getting rewound two or three times when it finally pops up.

* “Innocent” by Our Lady Peace.  Again, in the interest of full disclosure, this is my favorite song of all time.  There ain’t a shot in the first layer of hell it’s getting benched.

* “Nine in the Afternoon” by Panic! at the Disco.  Why not.

* “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins.  Please, NFL flex schedule guru, make this song applicable at least once in the last seven weeks.

* “Home” by Philip Phillips.  Love that it’s getting major airplay.

* “BOOM!” by POD.  I think Gregg would disown me if I benched this one.

* “I Want It All” by Queen.  I want it all!  I want it all!  I want it all!  And I want it now!

* “Stand” by Rascal Flatts.  For this week, no word more aptly applies to what the Chiefs have to do.

* “Face Down” by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.  Benched.

* “Endless Summer Nights” by Richard Marx.  He might be getting a playbuddy this week …

* “Higher and Higher” by Rita Coolidge.  Hell yes this stays.

* “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell.  I wonder who’s watching me now (who? the IRS?)

* “Start a Fire” by Ryan Star.  Dammit.  Really tough cut.  Or not ...

* “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkle.  Where have you gone, a lead in a game?  A lonely Chiefs nation turns its eyes to you, woo woo woo …

* “Aw!  The denver broncos!?!?!?”, from “The Simpsons”.  (sighs)  You just don’t understand football Marge.

* “Breakaway”, covered by “Smash” cast.  I’m telling you, the cover’s better than the original, and I’d rank the original in the 11-20 range of my favorite songs of all time.

* “Gin and Juice” by Snoop Dogg.  We do tailgate in Lot G.  Which means at least a few people there have a pocket full of rubbers, and his homeboy does too.

* “Faded” by soul Decision.  This song holds up remarkably well thirteen years after its release.

* “Never Knew Love Like This Before” by Stephanie Mills.  A one week tryout that flopped.

* “I Don’t Remember Last Night” by Sunny Ledford.  Not a god!  damned!  thing!!!

* “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor.  Bam!  Bam bam bam!  Bam bam bam!  Bam bam bam! …

* “Everybody Wants To Rule the World” by Tears for Fears.  There’s better options available.

* “Fuck Her Gently” by Tenacious D.  Hey, if it clears the playlist at a family wedding, it clears the tailgating playlist threshold.  Although to be fair, an unedited version of “Shots!” cleared the last family wedding’s playlist, and yes, seeing my mom’s reaction***** to all of us family members my age dancing and singing along to every word of “Shots”, in addition to this song?  Is beyond hilarious.

* “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by Thelma Houston.  Tailgating tradition.

* “Out Of My Head” by Theory of a Deadman.  Safely returning for week two.

* “I Like It, I Love It” by Tim McGraw.  Safely through for this week.

* “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith.  Frankly, I’m stunned “I Love This Bar” isn’t on the playlist.

*”Save Me, San Francisco” by Train.  Well I don’t know what I was on, but I think it grows in Oregon …

* “Downfall” by TRUST Company.  (stevo glaring meanly at anyone who suggests benching this awesome song …)

* “Beautiful Day” by U2.  Any day at Arrowhead is a (mr. william grigsby voice) beeeeeeeee-yutiful day!

* “We Are the World” by USA for Africa.  For one more week, it sails through.  And yes, I can still identify every damned singer BEFORE they start singing, in the correct exact order.  I scare myself sometimes.

* “DJ Got Us Falling In Love” by Usher.  I’ll set aside my disgust for the initials at this point, and allow it to squeak in.

* “Lil’ Freak” by Usher (featuring Nicki Minaj).  Hey, she’s judging “Idol” this year.  It’s in like Sven.

* “Right Here, Right Now” by Van Halen.  Good morning ladies and gentlemen!  This is Dan Roberts, welcoming you to Arrowhead Stadium, the loudest stadium in the NFL …

* “Freedom” by Wham!  Come on, you gotta have one of the defining tracks of the 1980s in there.

* “Toes” by the Zac Brown Band.  Life is good today.  Life is good today!

(*****: THE funniest wedding reception story involving my mom, was at my brother’s wedding.  My brother had co-best men: he asked me to do it, and I said yes … but I knew it was one of those “gotta ask the brother to do it” deals, so I made sure my brother’s best friend Sam also was a best man.  When it came time to give the toast / speech, I went the serious “I love you man” route.  Sam?  Went the “toss him under the bus” route.  His best line?  “I knew (my brother) was serious about this girl when he started converting all his one’s into five’s!”  BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN!  Except for my mom, who didn’t get the joke.  So yes, I had to explain to my mom why my brother would need a wad of one’s.  The picture my mom has in the 'rents family room from the wedding, is me and my dad laughing hysterically at Sam's joke, while mom has this "wait, what?!?!" look on her face.  What a moment!)

By my count, 125 made the cut, 19 did not.  Since I ran out of room in week one, I’m only going to pick ten replacements, so if you have a last minute request to add that isn’t included, there’s plenty of room for you to add said request (at least four of them, if not five or six, depending on the mp3 file size.)

The Replacements for Mixology Game Dos: The Chargers:

* “No Diggity” by Blackstreet (featuring Dr. Dre).  Play on, playa.  Play on, playa.  Play on, playa.  No diggity?  No doubt!

* “Girl” by Davy Jones.  Did you know he wrote this song specifically for the “Brady Bunch” episode he appeared in?  Neither did I, until trying to find this damned track on iTunes.  I expect lit lighters waving back and forth when this pops up (I downloaded the emo / rock version from the “Brady Bunch Movie”).

* “Springsteen” by Eric Church.  Oh, not the Springsteen addition you were expecting?  Too bad.  This song rules.

* “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy.  A notch in the bedpost, a line in the song, who really cares.  This is one really good song.

* “Rich Girl” by Hall and Oates.  I apologize PROFUSELY for leaving this off the week one play list, because really, if you can’t get fired up singing “It’s a bitch girl / but it’s gone too far / cause you know it don’t matter anyway”?  You need professional help.

* “Are You In?” by Incubus.  A fitting question on “playing for first place” Sunday.

* “Time After Time”, cover by Javier Colon.  I honestly could listen to this all day long, and never grow tired of it.

* “Borderline” by Madonna.  For anyone who honestly believes “Like a Virgin” was her first top five smash?  Uuh, you’re wrong.  This was her first chart topper.  Kinda like the folks who claim that “All My Loving” was the Beatles big breakthrough.  In the words of Dan Dierdorf, “nice try!”  “From Me to You” was their first number one state side.

* “Vanover is Almost Gone … and now he is … OFFICIALLY GONE!”, Tamarick Vanover’s punt return for a touchdown in overtime, vs Chargers, week 6 1995.  It is WITHOUT question, my favorite Chiefs play of all time.  I’m fairly certain I cried for 30 straight minutes after this play.  It will ALWAYS be on a Chargers game play list.

And c’mon – how can you top the “I love you Lord Jesus!” response out of (convicted) drug dealer, (convicted) car thief, (convicted) chop shop operator Tamarick Vanover?  I’m sure Jesus is beaming with pride at you sir.  Oh wait, he’s not.

And for the final addition for Mixology Game Dos … at least for now … I give you:

Well, I’m still thinking.  I’ve narrowed it down to four choices, so let me eliminate them one by one.

Gone: “In My Head” by Jason Derulo.  Wickedly tough cut.  “Just leave with me now, say the word and we’ll go / I’ll be your teacher, I’ll show you the ropes / You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known / I can see it going down, I’m going down …”

Gone: “Futures” by Jimmy Eat World.  Fourty one days from right now, we fire Barack Obama.  “Say hello to good times!  Trade up for the fast ride!  We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets, completely!”

Gone: “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO.  You have NO idea how much I wanted to include this song.  I have a feeling it sneaks in for Mixology Part Tres for Baltimore in a week.

But your final choice?

* “Dream Weaver” by Gary Wright.  Yeah, I went heavy with the late 70s / early 80s this week … but come on.  How can you NOT love this song?  “I just closed my eyes again / Climbed aboard the dream weaver train / Tried to take away my worries of today / And leave tomorrow behind … OOH dream weaver! / I believe you can get me through the night! / OOH dream weaver! / I believe we can reach the morning light …”  Yeah, I’m a sucker for songs about getting baked off your ass.

There’s still at least 4 or 5 slots to fill.  Feel free to suggest away in the comments, or via email at teamtito15@yahoo.com.  I’m also on Twitter @teamtito15, but I don’t check it often enough to justify a response there.  (AKA “I only check it when (a) something major breaks or (b) I’m riding home from work.)

Tomorrow, the week four picks.  Do I dare put my spectacular 9-0 all time mark picking the Chiefs as the “Screw You Pete King Upset of the Week” on the line?  Or do I think the Revis-deprived Jets somehow hold serve at the fake meadowlands Sunday against the 49ers?  Or am I targeting Tennessee making a race of it in Houston?  One of those three is my “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week.  The other two?  Ain’t happening.

That’s why they invented the phrase “stay tuned” …

the week three picks: call me a dreamer, say i'm a little naive ...

“They said you ain’t got a prayer.

A chance in you know where.

But I just didn’t care,

When I looked in your eyes.

You were a long shot from the start,

An easy way to break my heart.

But as perfect as you are?

You gotta risk it all sometimes.

I believe in the underdog!

Who chases dreams and breaks down walls!

The shy kid who gets the prom queen,

Who’s never been the star of anything.

And those two lovers hitched at City Hall?

They’ve got each other, so they’ve got it all.

Call me a dreamer, say I’m a little naïve –

But I BELIEVE!!!  In the underdog …”

-- “Underdog” by The Lost Trailers.

Last Week ATS: 7-9-0.

Season to Date ATS: 15-17-0.                                                                                                                            

Last Week SU: 7-9-0.

Season to Date SU: 18-14-0.

Last Week “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: If you hate the denver broncos, then my pick accomplished its purpose.  If you’re a degenerate gambler, I apologize.  And yes, I realize I am apologizing to myself …

Season to Date “Screw You Pete King” Upset / Week: 1-1-0 SU, 1-1-0 ATS.

This Week’s “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week: I wouldn’t say it unless I truly believed it was going to happen.  (cue “the congregation” edging to the, uuh, edge of their seats.)  Yes, I’m going there, that’s how strongly I believe in this pick this week.  This week’s Upset of the Week?  “Take a mother f*cking guess.”

The Non-Chiefs, Non-Jets Best Guesses:

* at Panthers (-3) 34, Giants 20.  Cam Newton, welcome back to the national stage.  December 2^nd cannot get here soon enough!  Seriously, Chiefs fans – no matter how ugly it might get, in an eight day stretch right after Thanksgiving, we get to see peyton manning and Cam Newton do their thing in person!  (With Andrew Luck to come three weeks after Cam!)  I am so freaking geeked to see Cam play in person.  I haven’t been this excited for an Arrowhead debut since a ridiculously underrated quarterback by the name of Chadwick Pennington took the sacred turf at Arrowhead to open the 2005 season.

* at Colts 19, Jaguars (+3) 17.  Honestly, this is coming down to a last second field goal.  Smells like a 19-16 contest.  Other than that, I got nothing.

* Bills (-2 ½) 28, at Browns 17.  The Bills aren’t as good as we made them look last week.  And the Browns are nowhere near as good as the Bengals made them look last week.  Fifteen weeks until unemployment, Pat Shurmur.  Fifteen weeks to go!  (cue every Browns fan clapping rabidly in anticipation …)

* at Redskins (-3) 21, Bengals 17.  Another field goal game.  The board is loaded with close, competitive contests this week.  Huge early game for both teams, to guarantee at least a .500 record entering October.

* at Titans (+3 ½) 27, Lions 20.  Careful, Titans – the failsafe line is rapidly approaching.  It would behoove you to not risk falling three back only three weeks into the season.

* 49ers 24, at Vikings (+6 ½) 21.  A huge early statement game for the Vikings, who arguably should be 2-0 right now, but will happily settle for 1-1 given how their first two games have finished.  Likewise, San Fran can open 3-0 against the NFC North, two of those three on the road … and know they still have four potential layup NFC West wins awaiting them.

* Bucs (+8) 31, at Cowboys 30.  I fear the epic fourth quarter collapse last week is going to screw my preseason NFC Champion pick come January.  You simply cannot piss away 21 point leads on the road.  Especially when that 21 point lead, had it held up, would have all but buried the defending Super Bowl champions.

* at Bears (-7) 31, Rams 13.  The number of people picking the Rams to win outright is insane.  You idiots on the Rams bandwagon do realize that if Josh Morgan hadn’t decided to retaliate against all-world turd Cortland Finnegan using his head as a bongo drum, that the Redskins at least force overtime, right?  Having said that, I trust you all saw who one of the 18 (now 17) remaining “Survivor” castaways is this year, right?  HIT IT!  “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and then you have …”  the “Facts of Life” Game of the Week!  Oh hell yes, Ms. Blair Warner is on “Survivor” this season!  (And oh hell yes!  I am old enough to remember tuning in every Saturday night to “learn(ing) the Facts of Life”!  Anyone remember who Jo’s boyfriend was during it’s final season?  (cue “jeopardy” music …) and … time.  George Clooney everyone!  Who went from that (should have destroyed his career) move to playing Jackie’s boyfriend on “Roseanne”, before finally landing as Doug Ross on “ER”.  Yes, I have earned my title as the “King of Useless Trivia”, thank you very much!)

* at Cardinals (+3) 13, Eagles 10.  I have no idea how they’re going to do it.  But they will.  Arizona!  “Super” Cardinals!  Arizona!  Cardinals!  (And no … for the fiftieth time, since it happened on a roadie to see said “Super” Cardinals (my God) eleven years ago now: turning on the faucet does NOT hide the sounds of you (h-town voice) knocking the boots in the bathroom.  Oh, life is great at the Super 8!!!  (dan dierdorf voice) Nice try though …)

* Falcons (+3) 35, at Chargers 27.  I honestly don’t know who has the double header this week* … but either way, we’re getting an EPIC early regular season 3pm game on our televisions.  Because the other early season classic …

* at broncos (+2) 41, Texans 20.  Uum, yes, teacher, a quick question.  HOW IN THE HELL ARE THE HOUSTON TEXANS FAVORED IN DENVER?!?!?!?!  We’ve seen denver at their rock bottom worst … and their rock bottom worst has them, with the ball, with a shot to tie, on the road, against either the best or 2^nd best team in the NFC.  How in the HELL are the Houston Texans favored?  On the road?  In denver?  Sorry, I’m not falling for this.  peyton’s gonna have a field day on Sunday.  I can’t wait to watch.  (And root to be completely wrong about my feelings entering this game.)

(*: UPDATE!  CBS has the double header … but here in KC, we get both Houston / denver and Atlanta / San Diego as local viewing options in the late slot.  Well slap my ass and call me Sparky, that’s great news!)

* Steelers (-3 ½) 31, at raiders 10.  Is it too early to contemplate 0-6 oakland at 0-6 Kansas City as the CBS stand alone national game on October 28th*?  It isn’t?  (Cue Les Moonves firing whoever designated that matchup as the national slot …)

(*: it is definitely not too early to note that this game, God willing, will be the “Restore the Tradition” tailgate for 2012.  Not sure if we’ll be back at the crosswalk in Lot N, or somewhere closer to the new spot in G30 … but for one fun Sunday, we’re throwing the clock back to a time when steak kabobs or Hayward’s burnt ends were the given for the main course, the Hooters wings were fresh out of the box, the Dr. Pepper was ice cold, and Gregg’s mom would spend three straight hours giving me and Jasson death stares for daring to bring a 12 pack of Boulevard Wheat into the tailgate.  Plus there may or may not be a half eaten bag of Oreos for dessert.  Oh sweet Jesus, how I miss it sometimes.  I might even have to stop in at Dick’s one night on the way home and buy four or five orange cones to truly do the “restoration” properly.  More details to come as they become available …)

* at Ravens (-2 ½) 28, Patriots 24.  Tremendous Sunday nighter.  One of these teams will be 1-2 after this game.  Unbelievable.  (Although the most unbelievable stat?  If the Pats lose, they will be under .500 for the first time since?  (cue “jeopardy” music …) and … time.  Week 3 2003!  No, seriously!  The last time the Pats were under .500 at ANY time during the season, was September 27, 2003!  (john davidson voice) That’s Incredible!)

* at Seahawks (-3 ½) 31, Packers 20.  I cannot imagine how loud Qwest Field is going to be Monday night.  Actually, I can imagine it … and cannot wait to hear it booming out of my television.

The Jets Prediction:

How best to put a mediocre Jets team visiting a horrendous Dolphins squad … I know!  I know!

“Tebow returns home,

To South Florida, that’s right.

Sadly, he won’t score as much as

Kid! (Clap!)  Dy-No-Mite!!!”

Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em?  (da da da da da) GOOD TIMES!!!  Jets (-2 ½) 31, at Dolphins 3.

The Chiefs Prognostication:

Last week, I was absolutely convinced the Chiefs were going to get rolled at the Ralph.  And they did. 

This week … I am even more convinced that the Chiefs are not only going to win on Sunday, it’s going to be a relatively comfortable victory.  Not my favorite type of victory – that would be a home win in mid to late September, where the Chiefs lead by three touchdowns at the half on a sunny 80 degree afternoon, where you can lean back in the seat, kick the feet up on the chair in front of you, and go into full on “one last day to get a decent tan” mode for the entire second half.  (Let’s hope that’s next week’s outcome.  (pause).  If it is, I apologize to whoever is stuck next to the pasty white guy with his shirt off trying to milk the sun for all it’s worth.)

I know that a great many people spent this week in full on meltdown mode after last Sunday, and to be fair, I did as well for about one evening.  But you know what has me encouraged?

Is what we DIDN’T hear this week.  Nobody pulled an Elvis Grbac in 1998 and tossed his teammates under the bus.  Nobody pulled a Gunther Cunningham from 2000 and literally had their sanity questioned from stressing over a losing streak.  Nobody pulled a Marty in 1996 and panic-benched his quarterback for the unknown just because he could.

To a man, and to their credit, there was not one person in the Chiefs organization who exhibited even an ounce of panic this week.  Perhaps this is best illustrated by the fact that nobody felt the need to issue a “vote of confidence” for either GM Scott Pioli or head coach / all-around baffoon Romeo Crennel.

In what will come as a surprise to noone, I was (and still am) a fan of pretty much every crappy 1980s drama.  I cannot get enough “Hunter” in my life.  I’ll defend “Hill Street Blues” as THE most influential television show of all time against any argument you can throw at it.  (Wait, scratch “crappy” – “Hill Street Blues” was anything but crappy).  And of all the crappy shows, one stands above them all: the A-Team.

In the third episode of the series, “The Children of Jamestown”, Hannibal and his crew are assigned to rescue a chick under the influence of a wacko nut-job religious cult.  (In the interest of fairness: is there any other kind of religious cult other than “wacko nut-job”?  No?  OK, whew.  I didn’t think so.)

And Hannibal (played by the late, great George Peppard) drops a line about halfway through that I still plagarize to this day.

“It’s always darkest just before it goes pitch black.”

Last Sunday at Buffalo, through the first three quarters?  Was blackness.  The punt return for a touchdown?  Was pitch black.  There’s nowhere to go but up.

Consider, for one brief second, what a win on Sunday would do for this team.  It will give the Chiefs a very reasonable chance to be tied for first after the month of September (Chargers go vs Falcons, then at Arrowhead; donkeys go vs Texans (where, again, somehow they’re a home dog, and I’ll be damned if I know how), then a tricky trip to the Black Hole against the raiders, before traveling east to open October in Foxboro.)

A win on Sunday, and what looks like a lost cause, suddenly is a season saved from the brink.  But whatever happens Sunday, please – don’t panic.  You can recover from 0-3.  If the Chiefs lose Sunday, drop to 0-3, and head home for the must-win of all must-win September games against the Chargers?  So be it.

This team, after all, opened 0-3 last year, and wound up one missed field goal from 48 yards away (pick which one against the raiders) from winning the division.  And that's with starting three different starting QBs, Jackie Battle at RB, and employing two head coaches.  (Plus the proverbial partridge in a pear tree (rimshot!)  I'm telling you, these one liners write themselves!)

But I don’t think that’s gonna happen.  I think the Chiefs are going to win, and win relatively easily* on Sunday.  I think the Chiefs offense is going to light up the scoreboard.  I think our defense is finally going to force a turnover.  And a sack to boot!  I just have a very strange, calm feeling about this game.

(*: for what it’s worth?  I have the same calm, relaxed feeling about the election in 45 days.  I am absolutely convinced Barack Obama is going to lose in a landslide, even if the rigged polls don’t show that yet.  I believe in this country.  I believe we are not the 47%, we are the 53%.  And the 53% will save us from the brink of catastrophe.)

The last time I was this calm entering a Chiefs game, honestly?  Was at oakland last fall.  I remember showing up for my usual watching spot for a September / October road game (aka “the back deck”), and when I was asked what I thought would happen, I said “the Chiefs win comfortably”.

The Chiefs won 28-0.

It won’t be that easy Sunday – after all, we’re not facing carson palmer.  But I do think it will be far, far easier than most Chiefs fans think, and far, far more painful for the Saints than their fans anticipate.

Chiefs (+9) 34, at Saints 20.  And since my Upset of the Week is this game, via my patented “really?  You’re actually asking me who my Upset of the Week is?!?!” catchphrase I haul out on extremely rare occasions, well, let’s hope there’s a three word catch phrase coming about 3:15pm on Sunday, that will truly capture what this win will mean.

Season.  (Blanking).  ON!!!

(jackie deshannon voice) what the chiefs, need now, is ...

I’m not going to rehash the debacle in Buffalo today.  You can read my live thoughts as it unfolded by clicking here.

I’m not going to unload after two humiliating losses, one of which was to Buffalo, for the second straight year either, like I did last year.  It’s pointless.  Either these guys get their shit together over the next month and salvage the season (like last year), or hopefully we get one happy moment of celebration over Thanksgiving that at least makes this season swallowable (like in 2008 … 2008 … 2008 …)

I’m also not going to call for Romeo Crennel’s head, mainly because we all know it ain’t gonna happen.  Teams don’t fire a head coach five games into his tenure, no matter how justified that firing is.  (And if ever in the history of sports, a head coach could be fired with cause for on-field performance not even six games into his tenure?  It’s Romeo Crennel.)

Instead, I want to focus on the single biggest problem this team has, and to be fair, it’s not a recent issue – it’s a franchise history long issue.  And it’s this:

In the 53 year history of the Texans / Chiefs franchise, they have NEVER drafted a quarterback who could even be considered “almost elite”, let alone franchise caliber.  Hell, I’ll put it even more simply than that – in the 53 year history of the franchise, we have NEVER drafted a quarterback who has won a playoff game for us.

I mean, how does that happen?  How in the hell do you go 53 years without lucking out at least once at the position?

The answer?  Simple.  Piss poor draft decisions.

I’m going to go back and look at the last eight drafts, from 2005 to present, to highlight eight huge f*ck ups the Chiefs have made, f*ck ups that have cost them a franchise-caliber quarterback.  (Seems fitting – one screw up a year, on average.) 

In some cases, the f*ck ups are glaring.  In others?  Reasonable minds can debate how bad a decision it was.  But in my opinion, these are ALL glaring screw-ups that have the Chiefs squarely where they are today: the worst team in professional football, and nobody else is even close.

(Also, why only eight years back?  Because entering 2005, you could reasonably assume Trent Green had two solid years left, and Todd Collins was a capable backup, so that was the first time since 2000 that the top two spots were within a year or so of needing replacements.)

Here we go.  For the purposes of this exercise, I ONLY considered players picked after the Chiefs selection, in the same round.  If the Chiefs took Tyson Jackson 3^rd in 2009, and some elite QB went 205^th?  Not applicable.

2005:

* Round One (Pick 15): Chiefs select LB Derrick Johnson, Texas.

* QB Passed On: Aaron Rodgers, Cal (picked 25^th by Green Bay).

* Rationale: of ALL the screw-ups about to appear, this is the MOTHER of all of them.  I am rarely right when it comes to the draft, but when I am?  I am GOLDEN.  “The Voice of Reason” and I infamously screamed at each other for fifteen straight minutes entering this pick.  I wanted Rodgers, he wanted DJ.  We nearly came to blows, the argument was so heated.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 9 out of 10.  DJ has had a solid, Pro Bowl career.  Aaron Rodgers stepped into an impossible situation, replaced a future Hall of Famer, and won a Super Bowl within three years of earning the starting job. 

* Round 7 (Pick 238): Chiefs select OT Jeremy Parquet, Southern Miss

* QB Passed On: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Harvard (picked 250^th by St. Louis).

* Rationale: the Chiefs actually selected a QB in the seventh round in 2005: James Kilian of Tulsa (pick 229).  Obviously the 7^th round is a crapshoot, and you don’t expect to get anything better than a stud special teamer out of the pick.  Which makes whiffing on Kilian, while Ryan Fitzpatrick has whipped our asses to the tune of 76-24 the last two seasons, really glaring.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 4 out of 10.  It’s the 7^th round, I can’t be too harsh.  But still, clearly the Chiefs gambled on the wrong 7^th round project.

2008:

* Round One (Pick 6): Chiefs select Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.  Or

* Round One (Pick 15): Chiefs select Branden Albert, OT, Virginia.

* QB Passed On: Joe Flacco (picked 18^th by Baltimore).

* Rationale: You don’t take Flacco at 6 … but at 15?  What would you rather have – a quarterback who’s 4 for 4 in making the playoffs, has won at least once every time he’s gotten there, and was a botched 23 yard field goal attempt away from playing in the Super Bowl earlier this year … or an offensive tackle who had to switch sides of the line because he couldn’t handle the pass rush, and still hasn’t developed into a player worth a mid-first round pick?  Yeah.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 9 out of 10.  Especially glaring given what the Chiefs QB situation entering 2008 was (Brodie Croyle, a washed up Damon Huard, and Tyler Thigpen), and given that 2008 was an all-out rebuilding year.  In hindsight, selecting Albert over Flacco is a fireable offense.  To the surprise of noone, GM Carl Peterson was fired seven months after this draft.

2009:

* Round One (Pick 3): Chiefs select Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU.

* QB Passed On: Mark Sanchez (picked 5^th by the New York Jets); Josh Freeman (picked 17^th by Tampa Bay).

* Rationale: Freeman would have been a reach at 3 … but defend taking Tyson Jackson over Mark Sanchez?  Seriously, defend it!  Rip Sanchez all you want – he’s 4-2 in the postseason in three chances to get there.  That’s four more playoff victories than the Chiefs have had, in the last 19 seasons.  Furthermore, all four wins have been on the road, all of them in tough venues (Indy, New England), or against division champs (Cincy, San Diego).  This is the one indefensible blunder of the Pioli era so far.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 10 out of 10.  At the time, I railed against passing on Sanchez for Jackson.  in hindsight, it’s a fireable offense.

2010:

* Round Five (Pick 142): Chiefs select Cameron Sheffield, DE, Troy.

* QB Passed On: John Skelton (picked 155^th by Arizona).

* Rationale: I’m not saying Skelton’s great … but ask yourself this, Chiefs fans – if Matt Cassel can get down 35-3 and do nothing positive, and basically take a dive anytime a defender comes within 10 feet of him by midway through the third quarter, and STILL isn’t benched?  Then how sh*tty has Brady Quinn got to be?  Again, Skelton ain’t great … but he closed 7-1 last year, won Arizona’s opener this year, and is frankly better than anything we currently have on the roster.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 8 out of 10.  Sheffield has been a massive waste of a roster spot.  Skelton is better than any QB currently on the roster.  The fact that, at best, this is only the THIRD WORST draft whiff regarding the QB position of the last eight years by the Chiefs?  That’s vomit-inducing.

2011:

* Round Three (Pick 70): Chiefs select Justin Houston, LB, Georgia.

* QB Passed On: Ryan Mallett (picked 75^th by New England).

* Rationale: I’m not letting this one go.  As decent as Justin Houston as looked, and let’s not go overboard here, at best he’s been decent … if Mallett is on the roster right now?  There’s at least a reason to look forward to the next fifteen weeks – namely, to see if Mallett is “the guy”.

* Rate of Screw-Up: 2 of 10.  I am still pissed we didn’t draft Mallett … but to this point, Houston has outplayed him.  Then again, it’s not like Mallett has a five-time Super Bowl quarterback starting in front of him.

* Round Five (Pick 135): Chiefs select Ricky Stanzi, QB, Iowa.

* QB Passed On: TJ Yates (picked 152^nd by Houston).

* Rationale: (stevo sighing in disgust …) TJ Yates won a damned playoff game last year!  Ricky Stanzi is so shitty, so awful, he can’t even make the active roster on gameday!  Which one would YOU rather have?

* Rate of Screw-Up: 10 out of 10.  I get the fifth round is a reach.  But at some point?  You HAVE to hit on the reaches, or else you wind up where the Chiefs are – the worst team in the league after two weeks of play.

2012:

* Round Three (Pick 74): Chiefs select Donald Stephenson, OT, Oklahoma.

* QB Passed On: Russell Wilson (picked 75^th by Seattle.)

* Rationale: do you realize Russell Wilson has already won more games in TWO WEEKS, than ANY Chiefs draft pick at quarterback in TWENTY FIVE YEARS?!?!?!?!?!  No, really – NO Chiefs draft pick has won a game at quarterback since 19 f*cking 87!

No, really, here’s your trivia question that will drive you bat shit crazy for the night: name the last Chiefs drafted QB to win a game as a Chief?  I gave you 1987.  I’ll give you a second to guess which of the four games we won in 1987, that Todd Blackledge won.

And … time.

It was week one, in San Diego.

Meaning that since then, we have literally played TWENTY FIVE COMPLETE SEASONS without a drafted QB winning a game.  That … that’s a damned near perfect way to end.

*Rate of Screw Job: 1000 out of 10.  Again, Russell Wilson, who went ONE PICK after a guy who can’t get on the field, has already won more games in TWO WEEKS than EVERY QB THE CHIEFS HAVE DRAFTED IN TWENTY FIVE YEARS!

Chiefs fans?  It's simple.  We HAVE to get a franchise quarterback.  You don't need a competent head coach to win a Lombardi -- ask the Cowboys.  You don't even need a competent head coach to get a shot at the Lombardi -- ask the raiders.

But you DON'T get a shot at the Lombardi without a franchise, or damned near franchise, quarterback under center.  You don't have to take said franchise guy in the first round.  But you HAVE to take him SOMEWHERE!  Something the Chiefs haven't done in the history of the franchise ...

chiefs! bills! live thoughts ...

Hello peoples and peepettes!  The last time I did a live blog of a Chiefs game ... the Chiefs were 0-5 traveling to Washington.  They somehow won.

The last time I noted my thoughts during a game, then posted them right afterwards ... the Chiefs were headed to Cleveland in a make-or-break game in week 2 of 2010.  They won, setting the stage for a division championship.

So now, with the Chiefs facing as close to a "must win" game as a team can have in week two ... time to kick the tires off this site and haul an old friend out of retirement.

I'll be live about 11:45 CT.  Until then, prepare yourselves properly.  (stevo heading off to pour the first vodka and gatorade of the morning ...)

And ... we're back!  As always, I'll be logged into Yahoo! IM as teamtito15 if you want to comment, or you can use that neat thing below this called "comments" to post your thoughts.  Also, hitting the F5 button refreshes the screen, since I'm too damned cheap to pay for Cover It Live.

Oh God No.  Steve Buerelein.

This Spiro Dedes guy looks frighteningly like Soren Petro.

Watching Mizzou get humiliated by 40 points on national TV next Saturday is going to be epic.  Insert "Go Cocks Go" jokes here.

Gretz labeled this game the "Desperation Bowl".  Yup.  Although much more for the Chiefs than Bills -- Buffalo gets Cleveland next week, and has a winnable roadie in the desert in three weeks.

Plenty of good seats available at the Ralph.

Buffalo won the toss, deferred.  Chiefs will receive the kick.

Damn.  That was an impressive kick.  Chiefs start at their 20.

Great first play -- the ol' quick pass to Dante Hall for the gimme 13.  Except in this case, it was Peyton Hillis.  Great play call.

Cassel to Bowe for 4, maybe 5.  2nd and 5 at the 40 upcoming.

Cassel changing the play.

Good call -- draw to Charles gains 9.  1st and 10 just shy of midfield.

Charles loses 4, maybe 5.  Cassel barely got that snap off.

Cassel way off on 2nd and 13, intended for Bowe, who appeared to fall down.  3rd and long upcoming.

Buerelein: "Cassel was lucky that ball wasn't picked off" as it sails three feet above everyone's head.

Charles gets 10 on a screen.  4th and 3.

Chiefs going for it.  Nope.  Delay of game.

Buerelein is already driving me to drink, and we aren't even four minutes in.

Dusty C punts, Buffalo fair catch at the 16.  Time out.

First down, Spiller offtackle for maybe two.  He's a tito today.  I'm also facing my arch-rivals, the Angry Beavers.  Somehow, I'm favored by 8.

Second down, Spiller for seven.  Third and one upcoming.  Embarrassing display of tackling -- he should have been stopped after a gain of two.

WOW.  And the BOOS are raining down, and deservedly so.  A great bootleg called, and Fitzpatrick threw it three yards short of the wide open tight end.  WOW.

Arenas fields at his fifteen, gets to about the 31.  1st and 10 Chiefs, time out.

Hillis up the middle for four.

Awful.  Charles trips over Asomoah, loses six.  3rd and long upcoming.

Cassel dumps to the safety valve Charles.  Horrible blocking on that play, Cassel was about to get leveled.  Punt upcoming.

GREAT punt!  Dusty C's punt goes 47 yards, return loses 3.  Unfortunately, somehow the Chiefs are flagged for holding.  Buffalo should have it around their own 30 when we get back.

Wait, why is Buffalo starting at their own 14?  Was the penalty on Buffalo?  This makes zero sense.  First down, Spiller gets five.

Spiller on a Wildcat draw, gets six and the Bills first first down.  Decent defense in that spot.

Spiller loses one on first down.  Solid tackle by Houston.

Awful blitz call, and Spiller is wide open in the middle of the field.  Gain of 20.  Horrible call on defense against that play call.

Tashard Choice gains seven on first down.

Buerelein just called this a "statement drive" by Buffalo.  They haven't even reached midfield yet.

Choice gets two.  3rd and 1 upcoming just past midfield.

Nope, he got it.  1st down by about a chain length.

Wow.  Botched wildcat handoff results in a six yard loss, and toss in a holding call to boot.  Disasterous for Buffalo.

1st and 20.

A wobbly floater somehow hauled in by Brad Smith, gains all the lost yards back and then some.

Fitzpatrick barely avoids the sack on 2nd down.  He scrambles for 20 on 3rd down, to set up 1st and 10 inside the red zone.

CBS graphic just called this "1st and 5".  WHAT?

Fitzpatrick incomplete on first down.

Buerelein, on that last attempt, where Stevie Johnson was diving to make the catch at the 10: "if he catches that, it's a touchdown".  Christ.

THAT?  That is a touchdown, Mr. Buerelein.  Spiller for 18 and the points.  Horrific defensive drive by the Chiefs.  Guys?  The zone blitz ain't working.  You gotta drop the blitz, assign DJ to Fitzpatrick, and play cover two.  The blitz AIN'T working -- its exposing the entire middle of the field.  Two more series like this, and you can kiss 2012, 2013, and 2014 goodbye, as I noted in my picks this week.

Apparently there's an all out brawl in the end zone in Philly!  And it's not in the stands for once!!!

Another epic touchback.  Chiefs start at their 20, and they'd better answer -- the way our defense is playing, we've already punted twice too many times.

Hillis loses one on first down.

Dump off to McCluster for 4.  Interesting formation -- they shifted Moeaki wide right.  Might be setting up something for later?

Cassel throwing it away.  Bills got away with a blatant hold.

Decent punt, but Edgar Jones nearly decapitates Leodis McKelvin.  Frankly, Jones should be ejected for that play.

Offsetting penalties, Bills had a block in the back.  I still think Edgar Jones should be tossed.  That is ridiculous.  That is absolutely ridiculous.

And you're damned right that if Edgar Jones had nearly decapitated a donkey, I'd be calling for his immediate induction into the Ring of Honor.

Spiller gets 3 on first down, and we're through one.  7-0 Bills.

First qtr stats: Chiefs outgained 108-39, Chiefs 0/3 on third downs, only 4 yards of rushing to boot.  Horrendous.

Fitzpatrick rolls for a first down.

Chiefs have gone to man coverage, FYI.  Good call.

Good tackle by Houston to hold Brad Smith to a gain of 5.

Spiller rolls for a 37 yard gain to the 15.  Great blocking by the Bills.  Chiefs had 10 on the line, and Spiller was untouched.

Fitzpatrick gains 7, maybe 8, on a designed rollout.  Chan Gailey has put the clown suit on Romeo so far.  Although to be fair, Romeo showed up in the wig and fake nose.

D'OH!  Flowers ALMOST picked that pass.  Stevie Johnson with a great breakup of the worst throw of the game so far.

Spiller, corner, touchdown.  Untouched.  Forget the clown suit -- Chan Gailey is putting the dunce cap on the worst head coach in the NFL.

Spiller has already posted 21 points for team tito.

And we're not even 18 minutes into this game.  (joey lawrence voice) whoa!

Three kickoffs, three touchbacks.  God, let that sink in -- the Bills get the ball at the half.

Hillis gets four on first down.  This drive is as close to "must score" as it gets.  Well, other than "last call at the Eclipse on Friday night", THAT'S as close to "must score" as it gets when driving is involved.

Cassel with a great play fake -- froze the Bills corner, which freed Bowe for 25 up the middle.  Great play.

2nd and 9.  Sorry, missed a play.

Yikes.  Make that 3rd and 9 on a horrific pass by Cassel.

My God.  Sack, loss of 10, and I don't think Cassel reached four on the five step drop before getting, uuh, dropped.

Horrible punt, Bills take over at their 25.  If that went 30 yards, I'm 8 inches.  Timeout.

Every time I see Aaron Rodgers in a commercial, I get enraged.  Remember Chiefs fans -- he was OURS if we wanted him.  He fell to us at 15.  Carl passed.  And I don't how good Derrick Johnson is -- he ain't no Aaron Rodgers.

Here's how big of a joke this game has become -- they're hitting beach balls around in the stands in the Ralph.  The Bills are so destroying us, that they're hitting beach balls.  And we aren't even 21 minutes in.

Quick pitch gets one.  2nd and 9 at about the Chiefs 35.

Pardon me, 25.

Awful pass.  3rd and 9.  HUGE play right here.

Then you stand.  Great delayed corner blitz, Fitzpatrick had to dump to the safety valve, who lost two.  Punt upcoming.

Fair catch at the Chiefs 25.  Studebaker almost got that punt.  Timeout.  Huge drive upcoming.

Hillis with a great second effort, gets 6 on first down.  Uum, where's Jamaal Charles?

Cassel under pressure underthrows Moeaki on 2nd down.  3rd and 4.

Cassel to Bowe, easy first down.  10, maybe 11 yard gain.

Dedes: "We've got some good games going around the NFL, and we've got a great one here".  WHAT?!?!

Cassel.  Sack.  Fumble.  Bills ball.

Is week two too soon to bench your starting quarterback?

Or to fire the worst hiring in franchise history?

1st and 10 Bills at the Chiefs 43.  No gain by Spiller on first down, stood up by DJ.

Buerelein: "we talked to Romeo Crennel and we asked him what was the problem last week".  Was he honest and said "me"?

Spiller gets 7 on 2nd down.  Would be a tricky field goal from here.  3rd and 3 at the Chiefs 36.

Never mind.  Stevie Johnson.  First down.

Right now, the only two teams trailing by more than 4 points in any game on the board are the Jaguars ... and the Chiefs.

Screen to Spiller.  1st and goal at the 2.  Disgraceful.

Damn.  Good call by the refs -- the Bills back was stood up, but the ball came out right after the whistle blew.  Loss of five.

Touchdown Bills.  Some dude named Chandler.  And a fight breaks out.  Way to FINALLY show some emotion guys.

Comment from Yahoo: "why aren't you getting pissed yet".  Answer: because I said we'd lose 41-13.  I saw this debacle coming.  When you employ an assclown, an abject f*cking idiot like Romeo Crennel as your head coach?  You will enter every game unprepared, poorly coached, and outmatched.  EVERY.  DAMNED.  GAME.

Timeout.  21-0 Bills.  If the Chiefs have any fight in them, it's time to show it.

Spiller now has 25 fantasy points for team tito.  With 4 minutes to play in the first half.

What a joke.

Buerelein: "we're gonna see what this team is made of now".  No shit, sherlock.

Comment from Yahoo: "remember, trailed 0-24 at Indy last year".  So you're saying there's a chance.

False start.  1st and 15 at the 17 now.

No discipline, poor scheming, players out of position, lack of emotion -- Romeo Crennel Football.

Hillis gets 8.  Where the fuck is Jamaal Charles?!?!

First down to Bowe.  Gain of 9.  1st and 10 at the 34.  Get moving guys -- the clock's running and, uum, how to put this delicately ... YOU'RE DOWN 21 POINTS!

That was not a catch.

Cassel gets the snap off.  Big gain to Boss if it stands, flag is down.

Go figure -- chop block on Hillis.  Instead of a 20 yard gain, it's a 15 yard loss.  ROMEO!  CRENNEL!  FOOTBALL!!!!!

Hey, it's Jamaal Charles!  7 yard gain on 1st and 25.  2 minute warning, 2nd and 18 upcoming, Chiefs trail by 21.  Come on, we all know how this half is gonna end -- with a pick six and a Ralph Leap into the end zone stands by whoever gets the pick six.

Still coming to Arrowhead this year: Phyllis Rivers, Joe Flacco, carson palmer, Andy Dalton, peyton manning, Cam Newton, Andrew Luck.  Other than palmer, we done be in a shit ton of trouble.  And even palmer has his team tied at the two minute warning right now.

Dedes: "it's been a long time since the Chiefs put up a goose egg in the first half".  Yes, less than a year counts as a "long time".

Boss with a huge gain of 30.  And he's hurt.  His bell got rung big time.

Inadvertent hit by Bills guy, agreed.  Kudos to Bills dude for immediately calling for the trainers too.  This looks no bueno.

Belated personal foul.  That's horseshit.  On first down, Cassel to Breaston, blatant hold on Breaston.  First down at about the Bills 25.

No Charles.

Shaun Droughn?  Gets 3.  2nd and 7.

Christ, Buerelein just raised the point I've been making for 30 minutes -- where the hell is Jamaal Charles?

Cassel takes a shot, incomplete.  Not a bad try -- only Bowe could have caught that, and it was virtually uncatchable.

3rd and 7 at the 22.

Cassel takes off!  Gets to the one!  OK, do NOT fuck this up.  Put in Hillis, jumbo formation, and pound the damned ball four straight times until you get the yard.

Timeout Chiefs.  Uum, why?  Cassel does not look happy at this development.

What was that?!?!  Chiefs go three wide, fade to Bowe, incomplete.  Guys?  You're down 21!  Even Steve Buerelein is (correctly) RIPPING that playcall.

Hillis ... fumble ... Bills recover.

Buerelein: "I think Romeo is going to challenge this for sure".  Steve?  We're inside two minutes, and that was an endzone play, so he CAN'T challenge it.  Jesus.

Question from Yahoo: "has a coach ever been fired at halftime?"  Yes!  Ernie Zampeze was fired by Jerry Jones as the Cowboys offensive coordinator at halftime in the 1997 game against the Giants.

Ruling on the field stands.  Bills ball at the 20.  Romeo.  Crennel.  Football.

We're at the half.  I need a stiff, stiff drink.  Or five.  Back in fifteen.

Buerelein: "If I'm Romeo, I tell my guys, hey, you played a great first half last week".  Uum, Steve?  We were LOSING at halftime last week.  What's great about that?

Bills come out firing, incomplete.  2nd and 10 at their 20.

Screen pass for 6 to TJ Graham.  Who?  3rd and 4.

Incomplete.  Horrific throw.  Seriously, has a QB ever been booed off the field before while leading by 21?  Because Bills fans are booing Fitzpatrick off the field right now.

Chiefs ball near their own 30.  If Cassel doesn't manage a touchdown on this drive, it damned well better be Brady Quinn time.

Jamaal Charles for 2.  Gee, using our best player?  What a concept!

Pass incomplete.  Frankly, it should have been picked.

The English language has not yet developed a word to describe how wretched that last pass was.  Punt time.

Chiefs botch a golden chance to pin Buffalo inside the 5.  Touchback.  Romeo.  Crennel.  Football.

Bills fumble the handoff, and lose 15.  What was that?  2nd and 25 at their own 5.

Announcers curious as to why Gailey is still going full throttle.  Guys?  There is NO team in football he hates MORE than the Chiefs.  And justifiably so.

3rd and 18 upcoming.

Draw play buys punting room.  Arenas back for the Chiefs.

Arenas with a great return!  Chiefs starting at about the Bills 38.

Why is Cassel coming onto the field?

Cassel goes deep.  Incomplete.  Should have been picked, went right off the Bills defenders hands.

Seriously, why in the hell is Matt Cassel out there?

Cassel to McCluster for 9.

Pardon me, 10.  He got the first.

Hey, Buerelein can count to 12!  I would have wagered "no" on that prop bet, to be honest.

Cassel to Baldwin for close to 10.  Depends on the spot.

He got it.  1st and 10 at about the Bills 18.

Cassel to McCluster for 6.  2nd and 4 at the 12 upcoming.  The Chiefs have abandoned the running game.  That's another mistake in a long line of them.

Charles gets one on the sweep.  3rd and 3.

Cassel disgracefully sacked.  He's rattled.  He's scared to take a chance.  Bench his ass now.

What are we doing?  Why are you trying the field goal?  You're down THREE TOUCHDOWNS!

This is GUTLESS.

It's good.  21-3.  Disgraceful.

FYI, the largest comeback the Chiefs have ever mounted is 17 points, most recently at Indy last fall, probably most famously at Green Bay in 2003.

FYI, the Arizona Cardinals are winning at New England, 13-9, with 5 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter.  Just thought I'd mention that.

Spiller gets one, but a flag.  I'm guessing holding Buffalo.  1st and 20 upcoming.

Fitzpatrick to Chandler for 40.  Wide open.  Romeo.  Crennel.  Football.

On Twitter, even Gary Lezak is piling on Matt Cassel right now.  When the weather guy is pouring it on, it might be time to find another quarterback.  (In the interest of full disclosure, Mr. Lezak is a long-term season ticket holder in section 130.)

After a two yard loss by Spiller and an incompletion, its 3rd and 12.  Must stand here.

Stevie Johnson.  Untouched.  Wide Open.  Touchdown.  48 yards.  Fire.  Romeo.  Crennel.

And if Matt Cassel takes the field, I'm pulling the plug on this.  I cannot take any more of this sober.

I apologize that I was so optimistic in my pick for today.  I honestly thought the Chiefs could score a touchdown.

Arenas returns it to the 30.

Gee, Scott Pioli, random question: you think having $20.6 million in cap room and no Brandon Carr, instead of about $16 million in cap room AND Brandon Carr, was the right move?

Cassel to McCluster for 11.

Dedes: "Romeo Crennel is steaming on the Chiefs sideline!"  Yeah, right.

You know who's steaming, Spiro?  Every Chiefs fan who just saw that gutless throw by Cassel.  If that's not intentional grounding, I have no idea what is.

It is.  Loss of down, 2nd and 20.

Cassel's playing scared.  This is pathetic.  He's so scared of getting hit that he's throwing it a second early.

Cassel overshoots Baldwin by 10 yards.  Another flag on the Chiefs, this one for holding.  Declined, 3rd and 20.

Dedes: "What is going through Romeo Crennel's mind"?  I'll take "not a goddamned thing" for 400, Alex.

Bob Fescoe on Twitter: "gameplan for tomorrow's show: MELTDOWN 6-10am"

Dumpoff to Hillis, little gain.  Send in our 2012 MVP, Dusty C!

Touchdown, Bills.  Leodis McKelvin with a 85 yard punt return.  All you can do is laugh.  And drink.  Drink HEAVILY.

Vegas cannot set next week's line high enough for the Saints.  And I am fully aware they're down 15 right now, about to fall to 0-2.  We're losing by 60 in the Dome next Sunday.

Dedes: "Steve (Buerelein), it's still early in this game, but Kansas City looks psychologically CRUSHED on that sideline!"  Sadly ... there really is almost 20 minutes to play.

Danny Parkins on Twitter: "Chiefs are so bad even KU Football is making jokes"

Lezak: "Petro noted two biggest assets (in football) are head coach and QB.  We have a huge problem in KC".

Oh for Christ's sake, the CBS announcers are DEFENDING Romeo.

Hillis for four.  Cassel is still in, for reasons unknown even to the brain-dead patient on life support that isn't reading this.

Dedes describing that last play: "Cassel basically takes a knee as the Bills rush comes right up the gut".

3rd and 17.

HOLY CRAP!  Peyton Hillis on a delayed handoff got 18!

Cassel nearly intercepted.  Baldwin broke it up.

Shawn Droughn with an impressive run to the Bills 45.  Gain of 25.  1st and 10.

Bowe for 15 to the 30.  One play, maybe two, left in this quarter.

Quick note: if you know me at all, you know I have a tradition that whenever the Chiefs score a touchdown, the dog(s) get a treat, usually a Meaty Bone.  Been that way for years.  I currently don't own a dog ... but I am dogsitting for my brother this weekend.  Major has been staring at me for about 10 straight minutes, wondering "where's my treats at man?"  Sorry pal, field goals don't count, unless they're a game winner.

Cassel sacked to end the 3rd quarter.  35-3 Buffalo, 2nd and long upcoming.

Cassel gains about 4 on a scramble.  He's mentally checked out of this game.  He should physically check out as well.

Cassel incomplete.  He didn't even try.

Chiefs to punt.

FYI -- Cardinals 20, Patriots 9, 14 minutes to play.  AT FOXBORO!

Chiefs down it at the 3.

I hope Gailey RUNS UP THE SCORE.  He's earned it after the shitty way Pioli and Coach Asshat treated him three years ago.  It's another reason why I can't get mad over this -- I love seeing people who screw others over, then act smug and act like "what, what did I do wrong?", I LOVE when people like that get what they deserve.

And with one exception, I know of nobody who deserves a rude awakening more than Scott Pioli.

Fitzpatrick and Spiller still in the game.  Run!  It!  Up!

Gain of one on first down by Choice.

Choice gets six.  3rd and 3.

Jamaal Charles: 6 carries, 3 yards.  Hell yes, he started for team tito today.

Sign 5,000 you have quit: Choice gets six on an up-the-gut run where 8 different Chiefs get a hand on him.  1st down Buffalo.

Choice for 9 right up the middle.  Somebody get "Dandy" Don Meredith ready to chime in ...

Spiller gets 20 on an offtackle draw, and more pushing and shoving on the field.  Spiller: 15 for 123 and 2 TDs.  Hell yes he started for team tito today!

Steven St. John on Twitter: "The Chiefs should fire Todd Haley".  Ha!

Choice for two, 2nd and 8 at midfield.

Choice for three.  3rd and 5.

Incomplete on 3rd down, send in the punter.  Touchback.

8:39 to play.  And if there's a God, there's 8:39 remaining in Romeo Crennel's head coaching career.

Only two teams have yet to score a touchdown today: the Chiefs ... and stunningly, the Patriots.

Droughn gets 1.  More yelling and screaming after the play.

Droughn, that should be a first down.

I ask this seriously -- WHY IS MATT CASSEL STILL IN THIS GAME?  Yes, he's stunk today, but he's your starting QB!  You're down 32 with 7 to go!  Why risk the injury?  This is STUPID!

Bowe, and it's close to a first.  Depends on the spot.

Baldwin for about 25.  He pushed off, but the refs ain't calling shit at this point.  They want to get the hell out of this game as badly as I do.

Cassel to Bowe ... TOUCHDOWN.  Take THAT, New England!!!

GREAT camera pan to Dave Wannstedt, the Bills defensive coordinator.  He genuinely looked depressed at giving up points.  35-10 Bills.

Might as well practice the onside kick at this point.

Funniest text I've gotten in a while, from my brother, who's currently at a sports book on the Strip: "I had Bowe scoring first TD for Chiefs.  We're eating good tonight!"

Chiefs pooch kick, Bills take over at about the 16.

Tyler Thigpen enters the game for the Bills.  C'mon Chan, let him air one out!

3rd and 6 for Buffalo.

Bills to punt.

Cassel is still in the game.  I swear to God, if he blows a knee or suffers even an ankle sprain, I hope the media UNLOADS on Romeo for this NEEDLESS risk.

Hillis for 15.

Hillis for 4, incomplete to Bowe, then a screen to Droughn for 30.  Cassel took a hit but got up.

Good point on Twitter: have you EVER anticipated a post-game show MORE than Jack Harry and D Clink on 810 in 2:11 and counting?

Moeaki gets 9, 2 minute warning.  3rd and 1 at the Bills 31.

And with that, I'm done.  I made it 58 minutes.  Better than most would.  Plus I gotta figure out how to tune my brother's iPod radio deal to 810 ...