Yes, peoples and peepettes, fellow Chiefs fans, hell, even any denver bronco fans reading this* – our fatally flawed Kansas City Chiefs are playing for first place on Sunday
(*: shoutout! You're welcome, western Nebraska and eastern Wyoming!!!)
Yes, those Chiefs. OUR Chiefs!!! Who have held a lead for exactly zero minutes and zero seconds so far in the 2012 season!!! Those dudes are playing for first place on Sunday! Moving on ...
The second home game of the season, means it’s time to shuffle up the Mixology Playlist for a second time. Let’s start attacking the week one playlist and start making some substitions, based on requests and Mixologist’s choice. (cue the “oh hell no! Stevo’s inserting a few songs he loves! Oh HELL no!!!” response. Relax – I’m only subbing in two I love, and I don’t think too many people will complain on either choice. Unless you hate stoned late-1970s music about dream weavers, and Madonna's first major hit. In which case, blast away in the comments.)
(previous playlist listed in artist alphabetical order).
* “Down” by 311. Safely in the field for another week.
* “Secret Lovers” by Atlantic Starr. I too have no idea why I love this song, yet hate cheaters so much. (Cue mailed "greeting card" informing me of "breakup" in fall of 1996). Oh. NOW I get why I love this song, yet hate cheaters so much. My bad. My bad.
* “Airplanes Part II” by B.o.B. On the bubble for next week.
* “Let It Be” by the Beatles. A second Beatles song may be joining the field this week. If it doesn't this week, you can bet every cent in your savings account that "And Your Bird Can Sing (beatles anthology 2 version)" will be on the approved playlist for Baltimore.
* “Get It Like You Like It” by Ben Harper. Easily in.
* “Burn One Down” by Ben Harper. The only question is, does a third Harper track make the field?
* “The More I Drink” by Blake Shelton. What, this is up for debate?
* “One Love / People Get Ready” by Bob Marley. No sense furthering the Dusty / Stevo Pissing Match of 2012 by cutting this from the playlist.
* “Humpin’ Around” by Bobby Brown. In like Sven.
* “Lido Shuffle” by Boz Skaggs. Hang on, I need to bash my head –repeatedly! – against the wall in reaction to the news that Darrelle Revis is out for the season.
* “Alcohol” by Brad Paisley. Sliding into bubble status.
* “One Toke Over the Line” by Brewer and Shipley. My dad would probably write me out of the will if I took this one off the list. (That assumes, of course, I’m not already on the outside looking in at the family inheritance … and I’m guessing that’s a coin flip bet …)
* “The Rising” by Bruce Springsteen. This song’s getting some company this week … sort of.
* “Wherever You Will Go” by the Calling. Might have to revisit this before the playlist for Sunday is finalized.
* “Word Up” by Cameo. Safer than Willie “Mays” Hays on the final play at the plate in “Major League”.
* “Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas. (fidelity ad guy voice) “why not?”
* “Look Away” by Chicago. Tradition rules.
* “Piano Man”, Colton Dixon cover. For at least one more week, it’s in.
* “Sweet Love” by the Commodores. Not even up for discussion.
* “Slow Hand” by Conway Twitty. Just in case we (family guy voice) “need a distraction”.
* “The Best of What’s Around” by DMB. (hoosiers voice) coach stays.
* “It’s Not Over” by Daughtry. Hell no, this season isn’t over!
* “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” by David Allan Coe. Not even on the table to be a casualty.
* “The Time of My Life” by David Cook. Over my dead, cold body buried six feet under.
* “Am I the Only One” by Dierks Bentley. Hell no you’re not.
* “5-1-5-0” by Dierks Bentley. Please, nobody call the po-po. Only God knows what they’d find outstanding against me.
* “Down With The Sickness” by Disturbed. Nothing to see here, moving on …
* “Soldier of Love” by Donny Osmond. On the 2/1000ths of a chance percent that Bleese shows up, it stays.
*”Lose Yourself” by Eminem. Tailgating tradition.
* “Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen. I’m a sucker for late 1980s music, as one of my “captain’s choices” will show in a few pages.
* “Make Me Lose Control” by Eric Carmen. It’s a two for Sunday! Wait, that makes no sense whatsoever.
* “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy. It’s getting some company via a “captain’s pick”.
* “Are You Ready for the Fallout” by Fastball. Austin’s finest. Can’t ignore it.
* “Float On” by the Floaters. I’m still here, ready and willing to take any hot chica to loveland.
* “We Are Young” by Fun. Safe until at least the end of October.
* “Rock and Roll Part II” by Gary Glitter. Sure, we’ll let the child molestor onto the playlist!
* “I Don’t Want To Be” by Gavin DeGraw. Not up for debate.
* “In Love With a Girl” by Gavin DeGraw. See previous song.
* “Midnight Train to Georgia” by Gladys Knight and the Pips. I’d rather live in her world, than without this song, in mine.
* “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye. Next.
* “Out of Touch, Out of Time” by Hall and Oates. Barely. Barely in.
* “Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates. Beyond safely in. And Mr.’s Hall and Oates are getting a third addition to their grouping, and I guarantee you at least half the people reading this already know which song of theirs is getting added to the playlist …
* “Beer 30” by Heath. Not up for discussion. (heath voice) thanks buddy!
* “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. There’s a better chance of me hooking up two hours before kickoff, than of this song getting kicked out of the rotation.
* “Old Man and Me” by Hootie and the Blowfish. It’s in.
* “I Will Wait” by Hootie and the Blowfish. Also in.
* “Anna Molly” by Incubus. They’re getting a partner.
* “Shout” by the Isley Brothers. The only way this song gets benched … is if I can ever get ahold of a mp3 of Otis Day’s version from “Animal House”.
* “Tipsy” by J-KWON. E’rybody in this bitch getting’ tipsy!
* “Flake” by Jack Johnson. It’s too good to exclude.
* “Hicktown” by Jason Aldean. I’m not booting Radioactive’s Artist of the Week.
* “Tattoos On This Town” by Jason Aldean. See previous song.
* “The Remedy” by Jason Mraz. I too, choose to not worry my life away.
* “Stay With Me Tonight” by Jeffrey Osborne. Good God, if I had a dollar for every girl who turned down that request … I’d have zero dollars to my name (rimshot!) Oh God love me, what am I talking about …
* “I Got a Name” by Jim Croce. Touch this song at your own peril.
* “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
* “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” by Joe Nichols. I think I’d be disbarred from tailgating in G30 if I benched this classic.
* “Pink Houses” by John Mellencamp. Not up for debate, for now at least.
* “North to Alaska” by Johnny Horton. I’d prefer not to walk home, thank you very much.
* “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. No brainer inclusion.
* “Summer Love” by Justin Timberlake. Not even up for debate.
* “Like I Love You” by Justin Timberlake. Again, not even up for debate.
* “Dust In the Wind” by Kansas. YOU’RE STILL MY BOY BLUE! YOU’RE STILL MY BOY!!!
* “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane. Safely on the iPod.
* “Living in Fast Forward” by Kenny Chesney. Squarely on the bubble. Might have to revisit this one in a couple pages.
* “Luckenback, Texas”, covered by Kenny Chesney and Kid Rock. Tailgating tradition.
* “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins. Please! Louise! Pull me off of my knees!
* “Fresh” by Kool and the Gang. She’s fresh! Fresh! Exciting! She’s so exciting to me!
* “Jump, Jump” by Kris Kross. This song is wiggity, wiggity, wiggity wack!
* “Yeah!” by Lil’ Jon, Usher, and Ludacris. Yeah! Yeah!
* “One Step Closer” by Linkin Park. Not even up for discussion.
* “Numb” by Linkin Park. LP may be getting a third song this week.
* “Penny Lover” by Lionel Richie. I would like to enjoy some Charger chicken at some point. Especially the chicken boobs that spend the night marinating in the shiraz. That stuff is wickedly good.
* “Dancing on the Ceiling” by Lionel Richie. It is the celebration song for postgame, uuh, celebrating, after all.
* “Country Girl (Shake It For Me)” by Luke Bryan. Yes, please.
* “Shining Star” by the Manhattans. OOOOOOOOOOOH! Ooh yeah! Honey you! Are my shining star! Don’t you go away!
* “Every Monday” by Marvelous 3. I refuse to incur my own wrath.
* “Sugar Buzz” by Marvelous 3. That this band isn’t better known is grouse. It’s zues in nature.
* “Modern Love” by Matt Nathanson. Easily in.
* “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson. Over my dead, unstoned body.
* “Electric Feel” by MGMT. I said OOH girl! You shock me like an electric eel! I say baby girl! You turn me on with your electric feel!
* “Time To Pretend” by MGMT. Pretty much sums up the Chiefs season so far.
* “Kids” by MGMT. No sense burning the last standing bridge to the Casa de Jones until you have to.
* “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson. Hell yes, it’s staying.
* “Blame It On the Rain” by Milli Vanilli. Not even on the table for discussion.
* “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus. (allard baird voice) no question, it is in the field. No question.
* “Float On” by Modest Mouse. Well we all float on, alright!
* “Daydream Believer” by the Monkees. I truly do believe that if I wrote to Davy Jones as the president of the Kansas City chapter of his fanclub, that he’d show up to perform this song at our tailgate. And if not this, then at least nail a perfect cover of “Girl”.
* “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC. If you could nail the “ain’t no lie, bye bye bye!’ dance moves twelve years ago, you were guaranteed to not go home alone. Sadly, that is no longer the case twelve years later.
* “Regulate” by Nate Dogg and “Mister” Warren “To The G”. We’ve got a car full of girls and it’s going really swell. The next stop is the Eastside Motel …
* “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond. As safe as safely in the field can be.
* “Mr. Telephone Man” by New Edition. Anyone who makes fun of this, will be forcibly evicted from the tailgate.
* “Heaven” by OAR. I don’t wanna go to heaven if I can’t get it either.
* “Stand By Me”, cover by Otis Redding. Stands a decent shot of getting rewound two or three times when it finally pops up.
* “Innocent” by Our Lady Peace. Again, in the interest of full disclosure, this is my favorite song of all time. There ain’t a shot in the first layer of hell it’s getting benched.
* “Nine in the Afternoon” by Panic! at the Disco. Why not.
* “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins. Please, NFL flex schedule guru, make this song applicable at least once in the last seven weeks.
* “Home” by Philip Phillips. Love that it’s getting major airplay.
* “BOOM!” by POD. I think Gregg would disown me if I benched this one.
* “I Want It All” by Queen. I want it all! I want it all! I want it all! And I want it now!
* “Stand” by Rascal Flatts. For this week, no word more aptly applies to what the Chiefs have to do.
* “Endless Summer Nights” by Richard Marx. He might be getting a playbuddy this week …
* “Higher and Higher” by Rita Coolidge. Hell yes this stays.
* “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. I wonder who’s watching me now (who? the IRS?)
* “Start a Fire” by Ryan Star. Dammit. Really tough cut. Or not ...
* “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkle. Where have you gone, a lead in a game? A lonely Chiefs nation turns its eyes to you, woo woo woo …
* “Aw! The denver broncos!?!?!?”, from “The Simpsons”. (sighs) You just don’t understand football Marge.
* “Breakaway”, covered by “Smash” cast. I’m telling you, the cover’s better than the original, and I’d rank the original in the 11-20 range of my favorite songs of all time.
* “Gin and Juice” by Snoop Dogg. We do tailgate in Lot G. Which means at least a few people there have a pocket full of rubbers, and his homeboy does too.
* “Faded” by soul Decision. This song holds up remarkably well thirteen years after its release.
* “I Don’t Remember Last Night” by Sunny Ledford. Not a god! damned! thing!!!
* “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. Bam! Bam bam bam! Bam bam bam! Bam bam bam! …
* “Fuck Her Gently” by Tenacious D. Hey, if it clears the playlist at a family wedding, it clears the tailgating playlist threshold. Although to be fair, an unedited version of “Shots!” cleared the last family wedding’s playlist, and yes, seeing my mom’s reaction***** to all of us family members my age dancing and singing along to every word of “Shots”, in addition to this song? Is beyond hilarious.
* “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by Thelma Houston. Tailgating tradition.
* “Out Of My Head” by Theory of a Deadman. Safely returning for week two.
* “I Like It, I Love It” by Tim McGraw. Safely through for this week.
* “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith. Frankly, I’m stunned “I Love This Bar” isn’t on the playlist.
*”Save Me, San Francisco” by Train. Well I don’t know what I was on, but I think it grows in Oregon …
* “Downfall” by TRUST Company. (stevo glaring meanly at anyone who suggests benching this awesome song …)
* “Beautiful Day” by U2. Any day at Arrowhead is a (mr. william grigsby voice) beeeeeeeee-yutiful day!
* “We Are the World” by USA for Africa. For one more week, it sails through. And yes, I can still identify every damned singer BEFORE they start singing, in the correct exact order. I scare myself sometimes.
* “DJ Got Us Falling In Love” by Usher. I’ll set aside my disgust for the initials at this point, and allow it to squeak in.
* “Lil’ Freak” by Usher (featuring Nicki Minaj). Hey, she’s judging “Idol” this year. It’s in like Sven.
* “Right Here, Right Now” by Van Halen. Good morning ladies and gentlemen! This is Dan Roberts, welcoming you to Arrowhead Stadium, the loudest stadium in the NFL …
* “Freedom” by Wham! Come on, you gotta have one of the defining tracks of the 1980s in there.
* “Toes” by the Zac Brown Band. Life is good today. Life is good today!
(*****: THE funniest wedding reception story involving my mom, was at my brother’s wedding. My brother had co-best men: he asked me to do it, and I said yes … but I knew it was one of those “gotta ask the brother to do it” deals, so I made sure my brother’s best friend Sam also was a best man. When it came time to give the toast / speech, I went the serious “I love you man” route. Sam? Went the “toss him under the bus” route. His best line? “I knew (my brother) was serious about this girl when he started converting all his one’s into five’s!” BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN! Except for my mom, who didn’t get the joke. So yes, I had to explain to my mom why my brother would need a wad of one’s. The picture my mom has in the 'rents family room from the wedding, is me and my dad laughing hysterically at Sam's joke, while mom has this "wait, what?!?!" look on her face. What a moment!)
By my count, 125 made the cut, 19 did not. Since I ran out of room in week one, I’m only going to pick ten replacements, so if you have a last minute request to add that isn’t included, there’s plenty of room for you to add said request (at least four of them, if not five or six, depending on the mp3 file size.)
The Replacements for Mixology Game Dos: The Chargers:
* “No Diggity” by Blackstreet (featuring Dr. Dre). Play on, playa. Play on, playa. Play on, playa. No diggity? No doubt!
* “Girl” by Davy Jones. Did you know he wrote this song specifically for the “Brady Bunch” episode he appeared in? Neither did I, until trying to find this damned track on iTunes. I expect lit lighters waving back and forth when this pops up (I downloaded the emo / rock version from the “Brady Bunch Movie”).
* “Springsteen” by Eric Church. Oh, not the Springsteen addition you were expecting? Too bad. This song rules.
* “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy. A notch in the bedpost, a line in the song, who really cares. This is one really good song.
* “Rich Girl” by Hall and Oates. I apologize PROFUSELY for leaving this off the week one play list, because really, if you can’t get fired up singing “It’s a bitch girl / but it’s gone too far / cause you know it don’t matter anyway”? You need professional help.
* “Are You In?” by Incubus. A fitting question on “playing for first place” Sunday.
* “Time After Time”, cover by Javier Colon. I honestly could listen to this all day long, and never grow tired of it.
* “Borderline” by Madonna. For anyone who honestly believes “Like a Virgin” was her first top five smash? Uuh, you’re wrong. This was her first chart topper. Kinda like the folks who claim that “All My Loving” was the Beatles big breakthrough. In the words of Dan Dierdorf, “nice try!” “From Me to You” was their first number one state side.
* “Vanover is Almost Gone … and now he is … OFFICIALLY GONE!”, Tamarick Vanover’s punt return for a touchdown in overtime, vs Chargers, week 6 1995. It is WITHOUT question, my favorite Chiefs play of all time. I’m fairly certain I cried for 30 straight minutes after this play. It will ALWAYS be on a Chargers game play list.
And c’mon – how can you top the “I love you Lord Jesus!” response out of (convicted) drug dealer, (convicted) car thief, (convicted) chop shop operator Tamarick Vanover? I’m sure Jesus is beaming with pride at you sir. Oh wait, he’s not.
And for the final addition for Mixology Game Dos … at least for now … I give you:
Well, I’m still thinking. I’ve narrowed it down to four choices, so let me eliminate them one by one.
Gone: “In My Head” by Jason Derulo. Wickedly tough cut. “Just leave with me now, say the word and we’ll go / I’ll be your teacher, I’ll show you the ropes / You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known / I can see it going down, I’m going down …”
Gone: “Futures” by Jimmy Eat World. Fourty one days from right now, we fire Barack Obama. “Say hello to good times! Trade up for the fast ride! We close our eyes while the nickel and dime take the streets, completely!”
Gone: “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO. You have NO idea how much I wanted to include this song. I have a feeling it sneaks in for Mixology Part Tres for Baltimore in a week.
But your final choice?
* “Dream Weaver” by Gary Wright. Yeah, I went heavy with the late 70s / early 80s this week … but come on. How can you NOT love this song? “I just closed my eyes again / Climbed aboard the dream weaver train / Tried to take away my worries of today / And leave tomorrow behind … OOH dream weaver! / I believe you can get me through the night! / OOH dream weaver! / I believe we can reach the morning light …” Yeah, I’m a sucker for songs about getting baked off your ass.
There’s still at least 4 or 5 slots to fill. Feel free to suggest away in the comments, or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m also on Twitter @teamtito15, but I don’t check it often enough to justify a response there. (AKA “I only check it when (a) something major breaks or (b) I’m riding home from work.)
Tomorrow, the week four picks. Do I dare put my spectacular 9-0 all time mark picking the Chiefs as the “Screw You Pete King Upset of the Week” on the line? Or do I think the Revis-deprived Jets somehow hold serve at the fake meadowlands Sunday against the 49ers? Or am I targeting Tennessee making a race of it in Houston? One of those three is my “Screw You Pete King” Upset of the Week. The other two? Ain’t happening.
That’s why they invented the phrase “stay tuned” …