Wednesday, September 5, 2012

the dnc night two: live ... thoughts

And we're back.  Did ya miss me?  No?  Figures.

For gambling purposes, since I won't have the picks up tonight, I'll take the Giants and lay the points.  I believe I saw it was 3 1/2.

Also, congrats to Andy Roddick on a tremendous career.  I may be the only straight guy in the metropolitan area who enjoys tennis, but so be it.

I plan on going until at least 8pm tonight.  We've got a craptacular lineup of guests to listen to tonight -- Chuck Schumer, the head of Planned Parenthood, the head of the AFL-CIO, the head of the SEIU, and I believe the president of the NEA is on tap.  Barney Frank will hopefully be pulled away from his gay orgy in room 666 long enough to deliver a few remarks.

Oh, and you know how I joked last night that "watch, a Democratic Women of the Senate segment is on its way!"  Uum, yeah.  We're getting a Democratic Women of the Senate montage.

Your two keynotes tonight are Elizabeth Warren, the fake Indian from Massachusetts who was the original "you didn't build your business" gaffe machine, followed by President Clinton, who as of 6pm CT had STILL not submitted his remarks to be vetted by Team Obama.  This is gonna be one entertaining as hell evening of insanity!

The setup: CSPAN on the laptop (I'll be listening along, easier to type that way), MSNBC on the main screen, at least until football starts, then I'll probably flip to the Cowboys / Giants game.

Here we go ...

Oh, almost forgot: tonight's live blog being fueled by Svedka vodka, Country Time lemonade, and a 20 piece McNuggets with hot mustard from McDonalds.

Governor of Connecticut on stage.  Ripping success.

A loyal Obama backer calling Romney a "radical" is a bit ridiculous.

"We believe a budget is more than a piece of paper, it is a document that shows our values!"  For the record, President Obama has yet to sign a single budget into law.

My God, this lemonade and vodka is good!  The Mixologist might have found the answer for Sunday ...

OK, I'm sorry, but what legal person over the age of 18 DOESN'T have a valid photo ID?

And he's done.  Daniel Marroy, or something like that.

Richard Trumka, president of the AFL-CIO.  This guy is hysterical.  Trust me, you'll want to watch this speech.

"Mitt Romney doesn't know a thing about hard work or responsibility!"  Uh oh, the train's starting to wobble ...

"They'll be around afterwards to pick up our trash.  Thank a worker!  It'll make you feel good all day!"

Collective bargaining is a "fundamental human right".  Uh huh.

Again with investing in roads and bridges.  Jesus, was the $757 billion three years ago not enough?

This guy is ... PUMPED UP!

I gotta tell you, I'd join this guy's union.  Dynamic public speaker.  Also, he's like 6'6", 400 lbs, and angrier than a grizzly bear.

The chief of public construction for Montana up next.  I shit you not.  "The chief of public construction".

Whoops -- chief of public INSTRUCTION, not construction.  My bad.  That makes more sense.

"So I could go from the Blackfeet Reservation to ..."  A casino?

That was a joke, in case you're overly sensitive.  And in the spirit of a true Democrat, I apologize to anyone who was offended by that offcolor remark.  If you weren't offended?  Cool!  Ignore this apology!

"Teachers are often the only ones who tell a struggling kid that you can go from an Indian reservation to ..."  Buy grain alcohol and American Spirit cigarettes?  (rimshot!)  Wow, and I'm not even one full cocktail in.  The booze man, it done put y'all in chains!  Sorry, just channeling my Joe Biden there.  I just wish my name was Chuck sometimes.  "Oh, God love ya.  What am I talking about?"

I'm really gonna miss Biden come January 21st.

We have another name for Barry!  Like Barack "Barry" Hussein Obama Soetero wasn't long enough, apparently he has an Indian name.

This DNC ad is pathetic.

Ms. Pelosi coming out to "Simply the Best" by Tina Turner.  Note to self: remove "Simply the Best" from Mixology for Sunday.

Although she looks dynamic tonight.  ROCKING the pearl necklace!

That's the fifth time she said "Good evening".  Glug glug.

"This election offers the most stark choice of our lifetime".  Amen, sister.  It's why your side's ass is about to get whipped.

Wait Madame Speaker -- you want me to go to the polls and vote for the right to kill my kid?  I don't think so.  Because THAT'S Just!  Plain!  Wrong!

Tom Vilsack, Ag Secretary, former Gov of Iowa, up next.

This is BORING.  Where's the lunatic fringe wing when you want them to spice things up?

OH HELL YES!  The Democratic Women of the Senate tribute!  Come on Mrs. Boxer, don't let us down!  Act crazy and shit!

DiFi up first.  Dammit.  She's sane, rational, and solid.  We want crazy!

There's Mrs. Boxer!!!

Daa-yum!  Barbara Milkowski has packed on the pounds!

No Claire sighting.  Stunner -- hiding when the going gets tough.

Why are they still bitching about health care?  I thought you all fixed that!

"That first bill was about what this nation was founded on: equality".  I can think of about 4.5 million slaves back in 1787 who might object to that idea.  Especially since you are the party of slavery.

I don't have a damned clue what she just said.

"Family responsibility" is apparently what we are to call abortion now.  I still prefer "murder" or "infanticide", but hey, semantics.

Arne Duncan up next.  I feel sorry for the guy, he has the most thankless job in America as education secretary.

An education PSA up next.  Good grief.  When do the crazy folks take the podium again?

OK, here's the deal.  We're 30 minutes from anyone worth listening to, and I'm dangerous low on vodka.  So I'm taking a 15 minute break to make a liquor run.  I promise I will be back before Barnie Frank takes the podium at 7:20 CT.

And we're back.  The kid working the counter at QuikTrip didn't know what a "handle of vodka" was.  I fear for the youth of this nation.

Libby Bruce of Columbus, Ohio up next.  Who?

She's a "Planned Parenthood supporter".

Head of Planned Parenthood up now.  Oh goodie.  There is a special place in hell for you and your type, madam.

What in the hell is up with this "being a woman is a pre-existing condition" crap?

Oh joy, she's Ma Richards daughter.  On behalf of every Horned Frog prior to 2012, f*ck your worthless, gutless mother, ma'am.

Steny Hoyer comes out to muted applause.  I feel sorry for the guy.  If I was stuck behind a worthless bitch like Nancy Pelosi, I'd be an alcoholic.

"This election is a moment of truth for middle class families".  Yes, yes it is.  We're voting for our survival.  We're voting Romney / Ryan.

With all due respect, Mr. Hoyer, if our current economy is what recovery looks like, I fail to see how this is better than it was.

I guess I missed my Congressman, "Sleazy" Manny Cleaver, earlier.  I'll have to go back and give it a watch, if only to further motivate me to vote against his worthlessness.

For the five millionth time sir, the reason "millionaires and billionaires" get the tax cuts is because THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES PAYING THE DAMNED TAXES!

Wait, a government program "rife with waste, fraud and abuse"?  Say it ain't so!

We're five minutes behind schedule.  I'm assuming they built in some flex time for Clinton, who always goes over, so this could be a long one.

A veterans PSA.  Last night's was pretty cool.

So was that one.  Air Force Veteran Edward Maar from Virginia up next, the dude who was the star of the PSA.

We're now almost ten minutes behind schedule.  Either this thing is coming off the rails, or Barney Frank is still getting dressed after an early evening fling.  I'm going with "stalling for Barney" for 600, Alex.

A retired general up next.

Also meant to mention, how awesome was it that the floor BOOED including the phrase "God-given rights" back into the platform today?  Still not quite as good as Vice President Biden getting booed off the stage for leading the Pledge of Allegiance eight years ago when the phrase "under God" came up, but it's close.

Wait -- President Obama has veterans in his family?  From what country?  Kenya?  Indonesia?

Sandra Fluke speaks in about an hour.  I might put a condom on while watching her speech just for the hell of it.  And it's a condom I didn't ask anyone else to pay for.  ("the voice of reason" voice) or that you'll use anytime soon anyways (rimshot!)  So true.  So sad, but so true.

Colorado's governor up next.  Wow, are we in a stalling pattern for Barney or what.  Hang on, let me make sure I didn't miss Barney during the vodka run.

Schedule still says he was on after Steny Hoyer, and he wasn't.  Let me check CSPAN to see if they have an updated order.

No word.  I hope poor Barney didn't pull a groin playing naked Twister with the hired help.

Yeah, did you see that someone broke into Romney's CPA's office and "reappropriated" his tax returns from at least five years?  I'm sure NOBODY from Team Obama was behind that.

Hey, good news from the Governor of Colorado -- craft beer production in his state is up 35%!  Sweet!  Avery is good stuff.

I'm guessing domestic weed production is way up too, if he truly believes Barack Obama faced the great challenges he faced with "courage".

WHOA!  We let a nun on stage?!?!

With all due respect Sister, NOTHING has damaged families more than LBJ's Great Society.  NOTHING.

"We are all responsible for one another.  I am my sister's keeper.  I am my brother's keeper".  Wonderful.  Tell that to the President, Sister.

The beauty of this election is that NOBODY is falling for this bullshit anymore, Sister.  All you have to do is look at any major American city and see where Obama economics leads you to.  NOBODY is falling for this crap anymore.  You can't hide the results.

Delaware's governor up next.

This guy ran Nextel, and "strongly supports private equity".  Is he TRYING to get booed off the stage?  Or at least assaulted by a Code Pink operative?

The hatred for the only economic system that has survived the test of time is astonishing.

Again with the roads and the bridges.  I'm guessing at least half these folks are well aware of the drinking game involving those words and is just contributing to the fun, but still.

How many workers lost their jobs when you sold Nextel sir?  Oh that's right, we're not allowed to criticize Democrats who do what Republicans do, my bad.

Karen Mills of the SBA on stage.  Just assume every word she says is a lie.

My God, this woman is a moron.  The government's job related to small business isn't to "put the wind in the sails", it's to get the fuck out of Dodge and let enterpreneurs succeed.

Small business PSA up next.  It's on a brewery in Virginia.

And with that, I'm out.  Still to come: America's Top Hooker, Sandra Fluke, and America's Top John, former President Clinton.  With "Fauxcahontis" Elizabeth Warren in between.  I'll be back for at least the first 90 some odd minutes tomorrow.  Hard to believe the conventions are almost over.

It's much more positive to believe this administration is almost over, 61 days and counting ...

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