Tuesday, September 4, 2012

the dnc night one: live ... thoughts

Oh hell yes it's here!  A spectacle of lunacy that is so special, it only comes around once every four years.  Yup, the Democrat National Convention is ready to get underway!

Already today, we have a fast emerging controversy over the planks in the platform -- namely, that the committee removed the phrase "God-given abilities" from what the Democrat Party stands for.  And of course, since this is night one, it's base night, so every lunatic and fringe kook in the party will be on stage tonight!

I plan on doing this for a bit, but not sure how long.  Roddick / del Potro interests me more, to be honest, than watching my once-proud party implode in front of a nation.

I'll be watching CSPAN, and probably have the US Open on the TV, but I might flip up to MSNBC eventually.  As always, I'm logged into Yahoo! IM as teamtito15, and you can hit me up there or in the comments.

Let's do this -- after all, it was only a mere eight years ago Vice President Biden was booed off the stage when he came out to deliver the invocation ...

Charlotte's mayor, Anthony Foxx, opens the speechifying.

Looks like the US Open is in a rain delay.  MSNBC, here I come!

Looks like the same setup on MSNBC as for the RNC last week.

"Dingy" Harry Reid up next.

Oh for CHRIST'S sake Harry, name ONE person who said we shouldn't move heaven and earth to get bin Ladin?  And how is opting to off our nation's biggest enemy a "tough, courageous decision"?

Jimmy Carter up next, then a Ted Kennedy tribute, and THEN the fun begins, and both the head of NARAL and Planned Parenthood are on top in hour two.  Ooh, abortion talk!  Fun!

Reminds me -- my brother emailed me today and asked "why in the hell is a dude named Castro the keynote speaker at a Democrat convention?"  Good question.

Also, we're barely 24 hours away from Bill Clinton's speech, and he still hasn't allowed the advance teams for Obama to vet it.  Could be entertaining tomorrow night.

Reid just called our economic prowess "this rigged system".

We're ten minutes in, and already the Governor's tax returns are being pounded.

Reid just said his criticisms of Mitt Romney "are nothing personal".  Sure ...

No -- the DNC did NOT just air a placard that praises Obama's "economy built to last".  What a crock of shit.

Oh no, it's Pelosi.  And the "Democratic Women of the House".  I shit you not.  This is embarrassing.

This is beyond embarrassing.  An endless parade of victims.  Waa.  Waa.  Waa.  Here's a thought -- if you work for an employer who doesn't practice equal pay for equal work?  QUIT!  Or better yet, SUE!

"The Paycheck Fairness Act"?  Sweet merciful Jesus.

Who in the hell has ever lost their health insurance because they were pregnant?

We got security hauling off protestors.  Sweet!

"Where are the women?  Where are the women?  Where are they?"  Uuh, in the kitchen making me a sandwich?

God, I pray we don't get a Democratic Women of the Senate segment.  I don't think I can refrain from hurling empty beer bottles at Barbara Boxer.  (Tonight's blog fueled by these neat 16oz Coors Light aluminum bottles.)

No, Mr. Obama CUT $716 billion from Medicare.  That's not strengthening it, it's destroying it.

Oh yes, the looniest woman on the stage!  And that's saying something.  Rep. Gwen Moore of Milwaukee. This woman is scary.  And deranged.

I can't understand a word this next chica is saying.  Some Hispanic woman from New York.  I'm going with "not native born" for 400, Alex.

OK, this is cheating -- this next chick is just a candidate, not actually elected yet.  Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii.  In her defense?  She's pretty cute.  I think I'll let this faux paux slide.

OK, this is REALLY cheating -- another "candidate".  And yes, it's the token angry black chick.  She's from Ohio.  I'd suggest voting for her opponent.

Probably good I'm not taking a drink for every mention of "move America forward".  I'd be in a detox center already, and we're barely 30 minutes into this night.

Well that was 12 minutes of my life I'll never get back.  Thanks?

I assume the J-J-J-J-Jimmy Carter!  P-P-P-P-Peanut farmer! clip is up next.  And it is.

Are we gonna get a Mondale sighting?  I mean, if we're showcasing a man who lost 40 some odd states in 1980, we might as well highlight his veep, who managed to lose all but one state and the District four years later, right?

How in the name of God did our parents elect this man to lead the free world?  I'm falling asleep listening to this drivel.  Whatever you may think of President Clinton, at least he's not boring as holy hell.

The blowers are out on Ashe!  Sweet!  Come on Andy, one last gutty win under the lights champ ...

"The Honorable Ken Salazar" comes out wearing a cowboy hat.  Seems like a good time to hit the bano.  Back in (chuck woolery voice) 2 and 2 ...

And I'm back.  Good God, Salazar is still going.

The Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA) Tribute Video is up next.  This convention just isn't the same without Uncle Teddy stumbling across the stage.

"(Uncle Teddy) gave his best to every person he met."  Uum, I think Mary Jo Kopechne might take issue with that statement.

Good video.  Worth the view once CSPAN posts it later tonight.

Some band is performing now.  Yawn.  On a happier note, Roddick's warming up.  Getting closer.

Vice President Biden in the house.

Robert Wexler just said "Thank you Florida!"  I guess seeing Biden shook him up?

We're underway in Flushing Meadows.  Roddick takes the first game.

The mayor of Minneapolis up next.  Gotta be honest, this is boring me to tears.

Nobody's buying that we've had 29 straight months of private sector job growth, sir.  Here's a hint -- if you're going to outright lie?  At least make it believable!

The Reverend Jackson is on the convention floor.

This guy was raised a Republican, but "doesn't recognize that once proud party hijacked by extremists".  Funny, I say the same thing about the Democrats.

Second Lady Dr. Biden working the floor.  God, she is smoking hot.

Barney Frank in the house.

Some Congressman from Colorado up next.  "I'm Jewish, I'm gay, I'm a father, and I'm a proud Democrat from Colorado".  Well, he's got that going for him then.

Roddick leads 3-2.  Nobody's broken serve yet, or even come close.

Hello, Newman!  Yup, Wayne Knight in the house!  John Leguizamo in the house.  Ditto Beau Bridges.

This actually has been a pretty good speech.  Rep. Jared Polis.  Give him this -- he's taking on the DNC establishment from the podium.  (He appears to be pro-life, based on his remarks, and he most certainly is a man of faith.)

Alfre Woodard in the house, along with the curly haired chica from 227.  Not Marla Gibbs, not Jackee, the other one.  I think she used to be on Sesame Street once upon a time too.

Maria Ciano, a stay at home mom and former Republican, on the podium.

Roddick gets the first break.  4-2, Roddick on serve.

My God, based on the first 90 minutes tonight, you'd think access to a condom is the greatest crisis facing this country.

I'm guessing they just plucked this chick out of the parking lot to give that stump speech.

NARAL President Nancy Keenan up next.

"We believe in protecting a woman's right to choose a safe, legal abortion with dignity ..."  Oh.  My.  God.  What, pray tell, is dignified about killing your kid?

Our first two anti-Akin blasts tonight.  The second one was kinda funny.

Laura Dern in the house.  Call me stupid, but I still think The Puppy Episode from Ellen is one of the funniest hours of TV ever broadcast.

This is one angry chica at the podium.  I'm guessing its her happy time of the month.

Roddick rallies from break point, holds serve!  5-2 in the first.

"I want to leave you with a story tonight, one that serves as my inspiration!"  Let me guess -- "this one time, I used a clothes hanger ..."

Amy Poehler in the house, and she was crying.  Good.  F*cking.  God.  You'd think we're experiencing a crisis of coat hanger access in this country, in addition to our condom shortage.

Up next: a veterans tribute.  This should be hilarious.

Nathan Davis from Cincinnati, Ohio, retired Marine.  Amazingly, the floor is applauding, not booing, Mr. Davis.

del Potro holds.  5-3, Roddick on serve for the first set.  C'mon Andy!

And that concludes the only recognition of our military at the DNC this year.

Tammy Duckworth, Iraq war vet, candidate for Congress in Illinois up next.  Wow, we're devoting 20 whole minutes to the military this year?  That HAS to be a record.

del Potro breaks Roddick.  5-4 in the first.

This chica is annoying the shit out of me.  Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.  No wonder she had a meteoric rise in the VA -- I'd promote her to, to simply avoid being around her.

Oh hell yes, she has two prosthetic legs.  And is rocking the short skirt to boot.

Whoa, a "USA!" chant just broke out!  Are we sure this is the DEMOCRAT convention?

Governor Chafee of Rhode Island up next.

Our lineup of speakers tonight has left a LOT to be desired.

He's off on environmental talk.  And now gay marriage -- "that's freedom!"  OK, we'll go with it.

Roddick fights off two break points, leads 6-5.  del Potro on serve to force the tiebreak.

Now he's off on education.  I'd be lying if I said I was paying close attention.  No wonder this guy lost his re-election bid, he probably bored his constituency to tears.

WHAT?!?!?!  "We believe in fiscal responsibility".  WHAT?!?!?!

For people who blankly oppose the ACA on principle, please note, there are good things in it.  And this story is one of them -- lifting the lifetime cap.

Rain delay at the Open, right as the tiebreak was getting underway.  (stevo to rain voice) boo!  boo!

Ohio Governor Ted Strickland up next.  Pardon me, former governor.  And this guy is fired up!

Touting the auto industry bailout.  Which I support(ed).  It's why the massive increase in debt the last four years doesn't bug me as much as it should -- at least half the $5.4 trillion had to be spend to simply hold onto what we had.

This guy should run to head the UAW.  He's a great stump speaker.

Former Kansas Governor Sebelius next, then Rahm Emanuel.  I'm gonna grab a quick bathroom break.  Back in 2 and 2 ...

And we're back.  Sebelius approaching the podium.

"Obamacare is a badge of honor, not a scarlet letter".  Uuh, ok.

I think I'm gonna end night one's blog after this.  I wanna see Rahm without distraction, as the only person not named Rahm Emanuel who would love to see him occupy the Oval Office someday.

"Being a woman is no longer a pre-existing condition!"  Wait, when was it EVER a pre-existing condition?

"Barack Obama was raised by Kansas women."  Christ, how many different places and ways was this guy raised?  Hawaii, Indonesia, Kenya, Kansas, I'm starting to lose track here.

And she's done, and with that, I'm out until tomorrow.  I'll plan on starting around 6ish.  See ya then.

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